Date: October 19, 2008 09:31 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
‘Well, it could. This is America, Pam. All our traditions are young.’
That was awesome, that line got me =)
I loved Jim's, I didn't know how to be, I wanted to hug him.
YAY they did it :)
Author's Response: Glad you picked those particular lines - especially the second one. I think the situation really was that simple - and that painfully complicated - for him. Much thanks, Hannah!
Date: October 06, 2008 07:12 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2008
That was amazingly well written! Beautiful style and you didn't waste a word, and the map imagery was lovely, the way she goes from being an insignificant blip on the map to someone who feels like she's on top of the world. Thanks for this.
Author's Response: Being careful with words is really important to me when I write, so I really appreciate that, pigeon. Thanks so much for your kind review.
Date: April 15, 2008 12:44 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
Colette, just me again. I just love this: You’ll scratch whatever itches you can, however you can. It won’t be enough, but there’s no Calamine Lotion for this. It will have to do.
And so much more. This is why I love your writing so much -- subtle and yet very clear.
Author's Response: Well, subtle and clear are high praise to me...especially coming from such a good writer. Speaking of which...isn't there an update you should be working on? ;-) Thanks, and drop by any time, wendolf!
Date: September 29, 2007 02:25 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2008
Dangit! This is the third fic in a ROW that I'm going to have to favorite. No fair! It's just all too good.
...okay, so I'm really not complaining.
Author's Response: Favorited? I'm totally flatered. Thanks so much, AliLamba! And glad you liked this (have to admit, I have a soft spot for this one.)
Date: September 11, 2007 09:42 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2008
Wow Colette, how HOT that simple quote is, "Fuck, I love you." Take my breath away. Awesome!
Author's Response: I thought there might be something about him blurting that out at, uh...that particular moment, LOL. Happy you agree! Thanks again, sweetchariots!
Date: July 25, 2007 01:22 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2008
VERY nice '08.. that Jim is a lucky bastard!
Author's Response: Now, what could give me the idea you're of the male persuasion, LOL? Gotta tell you - that Pam is pretty lucky too (ever noticed that Jim looks a lot like John Krasinski?) Thanks for reviewing, kgreene!
Date: July 14, 2007 11:13 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2008
i love this. great job!! you stay so true to the show and the characters, and the detail is so vivid i could feel myself slipping into Pam's position...hah. i wish. you may be evil for that.
Author's Response: Wouldn't we all like to be in Pam's, uh...position. Glad you liked this and that it felt true to the show...thanks so much, mizjessica08 (I'm guessing you're on a mission at TWoP by the timing of this review?)
Date: June 08, 2007 02:28 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2008
I don't know how I missed giving you a review when this was first posted, but now I have another chance! Colette, this was one of your warmest, sweetest stories ever. I love all the snuggling, the shared universe of the two of them tuning out Kelly, the hand holding under the table, just all of it. The sex was wonderful and real, but the love was even better. Kudos, with cherries on top!
Author's Response: Really happy you said that, because - as much as I enjoyed writing the naughty bits - it's really all about the luuuurve. Have to admit, this story kind of owned me while I was writing it, so I'm particularly glad it worked for you. Multiple cherries? Wow. Thanks, as always, NEJ!!!
Date: May 15, 2007 01:25 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2008
Okay, this was such a satisfying end to a really lovely, lovely story.
You decide to compromise and wake him slowly. Follow a route you know well. Kissing him here and here and here, then, continuing lower, there and there. Rising to the surface from deep under now, he groans drowsily, happily. He reaches down and weaves his fingers through your hair. Holds on, as you get lost in it with him.
Guh. Yes, please. That's all I will say on the matter. :o)
He pulls you up and molds his body behind yours, burying his face in the back of your neck. His lips travel down along the ridge of your shoulder, return slowly to the freckle where your jaw meets your ear. His hands slide over and around you, everywhere. You lace your fingers with his and help him find his way.
‘Fuck, I love you…’ he breathes, holding you flush against him, as he pushes forward until you’re gasping too.
And then you’re moving moving moving together and there’s nowhere in the world but right here, right now. Oh god, just like that.
There will be other picnics.
This really resonated, was just so visual, so believable. Wow.
Jim walks over to the dresser to get a pair of boxer shorts. On the way, he picks up the t-shirt he’d dropped where he took it off last night and tosses it to you. He doesn’t even need to ask. You slip it over your head and follow him into the kitchen.
Ahh, love this little detail. Of course he wouldn't have to ask, and of course he'd do it automatically. And of course she'd want him to.
You grin back at him, as he mutters not really under his breath and reaches under the table for your hand. Kelly waxes on about Ryan’s near genius Frisbee skills and these amaaazing cupcakes Phyllis made and how totally sexy Ryan looked in the new sunglasses she picked out and oh my god Angela was wearing the most outrageously cute top and Ryan really should have put on more sunscreen, but he never listens and Ryan…
Her monologue fades into burbling white background noise. All you’re aware of is Jim’s thumb, rubbing rhythmically back and forth over the inside of your wrist.
Again - so real; I could so see this happening - him reaching for her hand under the table, whispering, 'Not really' under his breath.
Last line? Once again, perfect. Just perfect. What a treat - thank you!
Author's Response: Yeah...have to admit, I had a bit of a 'guh' moment just writing that part ;-) So happy you thought this felt real and believable. I am totally convinced that together, their on screen relationship would be 1000x more engaging than with them estranged. If I can convey that in writing, just IMAGINE what the show's writers could do (hear that, GD??) Thanks so much for such detailed and incisive reviews, girl7...and one for each chapter is like a teapot full of bonus gifts. This story was sort of a labor of love, so I'm really happy it resonated with you!
Date: May 15, 2007 01:18 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Jesus, colette. Seriously - this chapter is nothing short of astonishing. The way you sustain the metaphor of the map, threading it through so seamlessly - amazing. Wow. I'm still sort of taking it all in. Okay, from the beginning:
"His being back has turned out to be mostly a matter of semantics. Except for occasionally picking up his messages, he seems to have forgotten where your desk is. You daydream about leaving him a trail of jellybeans to find it. He’s remarkably good at ignoring you, considering you sit only ten feet away."
Love the reference to his return as semantics, because that's so true. And for some reason, I could absolutely buy Pam thinking she'd like to leave him a trail of jelly beans - that just sounds so like her.
‘Doesn’t look too promising,’ you say, glancing up as the sky darkens, threatening to sputter.
‘I dunno,’ Jim shrugs, looking you directly in the eye. For a second, it seems like he’s about to say something serious, but catches himself.
Mmm, love the subtext here - their eyes meeting, the palpable tension of all that's left unsaid. Terrific moment.
Your insides flip-flop between chagrin and a strange sort of exhilaration. The current in the air between you subtly shifts.
This description is spot-on -- and it's hard to articulate that moment when you realize you're exposed like that in some way (to someone you're attracted to, of course), but you vacillate between wanting to flaunt it and wanting to run.
....And obviously, you put it much, much better than I just did. :o)
I just…,’ he falters. Goes silent for a second. ‘I didn’t know how to do it Pam. How I was supposed to….’
‘To be,’ he says softly, just barely shaking his head. ‘I didn’t know how to be.’
It’s that simple. And that complicated.
Oh wow...beautiful, so succinct. Guh.
His skin, hot and damp, moving against you, deep deep inside you. Cool dry sheets, sighs like your name, his fingers catching in your still wet, tangled hair. You carefully explore the unfamiliar terrain of his body with your hands, your eyes, your mouth, until you’ve mapped every inch of him. You materialize under his touch.
As usual, this is erotic and understated and so exactly them.
The last two lines? Freaking brilliant, my dear.
OMG - I just realized there's another chapter!
Author's Response: Really pleased you thought the comment about his return being 'semantics' rang true...I hoped my meaning would be clear there. And 'understated' and 'erotic'...you couldn't have come up with a better compliment. Seriously. I really wanted that precise feeling to read, without getting too explicit - it's the emotional re-connection (or connecting at the next level,) as well as the actual sexage, LOL. And finally...I'd hoped that when he said he didn't know how to 'be', it would convey all that I wanted that one word to imply. That was actually a very important line to me. So, as usual, girl7...you zoomed right in to the heart of the matter. Thanks for somehow always doing that!
Date: May 15, 2007 01:06 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
Oh wow. As usual, simply haunting stuff here with brilliant imagery, spot on metaphors (the itch at the end - but more on that later). The opening paragraph sets the scene so well; you do an excellent job of evoking that lazy summer picnic feel - the kind that nobody really wants to attend, but everybody goes anyway.
Second, the moment when she's drawing the cartoons and forgets, thinking she'll show them to him - just beautiful and so, so true. Like in "The Convention" when he catches himself - "I've got to call - " I'm betting there would be many, many moments like that for them.
And finally, this:
Later tonight, you’ll take a shower to wash away the day. Standing under the cool water, you’ll inspect your rapidly swelling bug bites, but inevitably, your mind will wander. It will go places it never quite ventured when he existed as flesh and blood. You’ll see his eyes, the line of his jaw, his hands. You’ll imagine more. You’ll scratch whatever itches you can, however you can. It won’t be enough, but there’s no Calamine Lotion for this. It will have to do.
....Simply brilliant, particularly the line, "It will go places it never quite ventured when he existed as flesh and blood." That captures part of Pam's tragedy so well -- when he was a reality, she didn't dare let herself venture into the realm of fantasy, you know?
Guh, this was gorgeous. (And I think I deserve a tiny dundie for reviewing this chapter in spite of the tantalizing end note here.) *dashes off for summer 2007, leaving a trail of smoke*
Author's Response: You definitely deserve a tiny Dundie - for leaving such detailed individual reviews! It's like Christmas in May, I tell you. And re: Jim's reaction in The Convention - exactly. That instinct to share things with each other is still (painfully and ironically) there. This was the sad chapter...glad the metaphors and images still came through. Thanks, you!
Date: May 11, 2007 07:51 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2008
I think this is the best picnic of all of the picnics - whew! Jim discovering other continents was so sweetly steamy. So very romantic.
Author's Response: So glad you thought so, Kaystar. I have a feeling that boy would be quite the intrepid explorer ;-) Many thanks!
Date: May 07, 2007 06:51 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2008
‘We had some…uh, nautical stuff we needed to take care of, Kel,’ AHAHAHA!!
This was really beautiful, Colette. When I read your stuff, it feels like I'm actually the one suffering, or in love. You connect to your readers so well.
Author's Response: Hee - have to admit, I kind of liked that line too (somehow, I could hear it coming out of Jim's mouth.) And what a great compliment - I always hope I'm writing in a way that others will connect with, but never really know. So many, many thanks for that - and for all the lovely, individual reviews, Paper Jam. (And, is it wrong that it pleases me to hear I made you suffer? Love too, of course ;-)
Date: May 07, 2007 06:46 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2007
Maps have never been so sexy. I love the tone and pacing of this one.
Author's Response: Sexy maps...who'd of thunk it? I'm especially pleased if you thought the tone/pacing hit the right note - that's something I really try to work at in stories, so it means a lot to hear that. Thanks, you!
Date: May 07, 2007 06:39 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2006
"These days, believing that Jim is actually anywhere is a leap of faith." Wonderful! And "You’ll scratch whatever itches you can, however you can. It won’t be enough, but there’s no Calamine Lotion for this. It will have to do." Great lines in this one!
Author's Response: Why, thank you m'am. And glad you like the Calamine Lotion line...was afraid that ref (in that context) might be a bit out there, so happy it worked for you.
Date: May 07, 2007 06:36 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2005
Ah! Gorgeous! "Just a microscopic dot on a map on someone’s wall." Oh, Pam. Sorry I took so long to leave a comment, but I'm finally getting a chance to read this. Lovely!
First, no need to be sorry - I mean, how dare you not just drop everything the minute I post a story? Really. Glad you had a chance to read it - and that you like it. Thanks, Paper Jam!
Date: May 06, 2007 09:49 pm Title: Summer Picnic 2008
Oooh, I really like this. Lovely images and theme, and the end of parts one and three just killed me, with Pam and her microscopic dot. Also, the dialogue in part three is just fabulous, putting a new spin (ahem) on the usual script. Great job.
Author's Response: So pleased that weaving that theme through the story, and the recurrent 'dot' image, worked for you. And I'm also glad you liked the spin (hee) on the dialogue - hoped I'd gotten across what they needed to say to one another, but simply. Thanks so much, sophia - big fan of your stories, so your comments mean a lot!