5 [Report This]Date: September 04, 2006 07:49 am Title: The Sounds of Rain and Impatience
Is this your first story? If so, it's a very good start! I love love loved the very last line.
We have a fantastic pool of betas if you ever need someone to run over your grammar and spelling etc. They love doing it, really!
Author's Response:
yeah, this is my first Office Fic, thank you soo much! and i'm so glad you liked the last line!
Yeah, i was thinking about checking into th betas....normally when i write its not that bad but idk i was kinda out of it when i wrote this story haha
again thank you for the review!
5 [Report This]Date: September 03, 2006 06:23 pm Title: The Sounds of Rain and Impatience
It's good! But you're shifting too much between the first person and the second person. it's kind of confusing. Also September 3rd is by b-day. Wee!
Date: September 03, 2006 01:34 pm Title: The Sounds of Rain and Impatience
Good storyline, but the story needs to be reviewed for spelling, grammar and consistency. The back-and-forth between perspectives makes the story very difficult to read.
10 [Report This]Date: September 03, 2006 08:29 am Title: The Sounds of Rain and Impatience
Angry Pam. Who knew she had it in her?
Author's Response: I know really! she can get tough when she's pissed haha
Author's Response: I know really! she can get tough when she's pissed haha thanks for the review!
6 [Report This]Date: September 03, 2006 06:09 am Title: The Sounds of Rain and Impatience
The emotions of this piece are really spot on (I like the tap tap tapping), but if you want to shift back and forth between first and third person, I suggest using italics for Pam's POV or something, because it is hard to read this way.
"He tastes like rain" is a wonderful last line.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much, because getting the emotional part of it right was diffinitly hardest thing (thats wat she said) about writing this
ohh! i didn't mean to switch POV's actually haha i was just half asleep and i usually write in 1st person so i got confused haha
thanks! i really like it too haha Thanks sooo much for the review!
Date: September 03, 2006 02:28 am Title: The Sounds of Rain and Impatience
This story is good, but you need to proofread it. The shifts in POV are especially jarring.
Author's Response: omg! thank you! i was half asleep i didn't even notice i did that haha thanks for the heads up and i'm glad you liked it