Date: July 03, 2008 12:24 pm Title: Swing and a Miss
This is such a great, really well written AU fic. I actually have never seen Bull Durham (does that make me sound like I live in a cave?). Is it pathetic that your fic is making me want to rent the movie?
Anyway, I love "magenta whirwind" - such an apt description for Kelly. And Jim's and Pam's first interaction is so great - just the sort of immediate connection and banter, with the underlying attraction and tension, that you would expect them to have had.
Another thing - it's just so easy to visualize everything happening in this fic. I don't know if this makes sense, but I think it's because you've written all of the characters that have been introduced so far in such a spot-on way. The dialogues and descriptions of Andy and Kevin, for example, just really resonate for me. I can see them doing and saying the things you write while I'm reading the story.
This is just really refreshing. I'm amazed at the creativity some of the fic here generates using the same formula of characters and/or storylines from the show. And this is one of those times that I'm just really impressed.
Anyway, great job. This is a really fun piece. Can't wait to see where you take this.
Thanks for writing and sharing this.
Author's Response: Wow, this is a writer's dream review. So detailed and specific- thank you for taking the time! First off, you should definitly see Bull Durham, eventually... maybe after this fic is done, so you don't end up saying "What was she thinking?"rnSecondly, I completely agree about the creativity of the authors on this site. I wouldn't have even attempted something like this without having read awesome AUs like 'I Just Wanted to be Famous' or 'O*F*F*I*C*E'. I guess that's really a testiment to how much we all relate to these amazing characters... changing the setting or circumstances doesn't diminish our love for them and our connection to them. Anyway- I'm so glad your enjoying it, keep reading and letting me know how it goes. I appreciate it.
Date: July 03, 2008 11:19 am Title: Swing and a Miss
Such a clever premise as Bull Durham is a great "baseball" film that 's about so much more than "baseball"...sort of like a certain TV show about a small Pennsylvania "paper" company. And your writing style has really drawn me into the story as your words and ideas flow seamlessly together....very nice!
Author's Response: That's true, I hadn't thought about how both stories are about so much more than their premise. I did have the realization while writing this that both BD and TO did/do a fabulous job with supporting characters that are these fully actualized people, even without a lot of screen time. I think that's what gives both such a real life feel. If I can capture even a little bit of that, I'll be thrilled. Thank you for the kind review!
Date: July 02, 2008 10:43 pm Title: Swing and a Miss
Love it! I always love when writers have Jim's brain kind of shut down the first time he sees Pam, so great.
Author's Response: I know! It almost feels like a cop-out as a writer that he doesn't really have any thought, and can't really talk, but I consider that to be the purest sort of cannon; we all know it was love at first sight!
Date: July 02, 2008 09:51 pm Title: Swing and a Miss
this is such a fun story! I really like all the quotes and such worked throughout - and, as always, one of my favorite things about AU is when all the characters appear, being 100% themselves, but in a completely different capacity than on the show!
Author's Response: All the quotes are somehow related to Bull Durham; either a poem Annie quotes, lyrics from the soundtrack, or dialogue. I figured it was the best way to get the feel of the movie incorporated. I'm glad you like the 'appearances'. I worried over that- I don't want to veer into cheesy. Thanks for your review.
Date: July 02, 2008 07:36 pm Title: Who's On First
Wow, baseball and The Office, two of my great loves. Really, really enjoying this so far, very well done! The characters are funny and I love your very original take Jim and Pam as completely different people. Awesome stuff.
Date: July 02, 2008 07:17 pm Title: Swing and a Miss
This is such a fun story. I love baseball and I love The Office so I am enjoying reading this. I think you are doing a great job weaving the Office characters into this baseball world. It really feels authentic. Although to be honest, I'm not sure I buy Pam as Annie's daughter...but I can suspend my disbelief. :-)
I thought the boy meets girl moment was really well done and I can't wait to see what Pam thinks of Jim!
Author's Response: Thanks for your honesty and your willingness to suspend disbelief. The Annie/Pam realtionship is probably the hardest sell, but stick with me and hopefully I can convince you completely! I'm glad you're having fun!
Date: July 02, 2008 04:49 pm Title: Swing and a Miss
This is such a fun story. I loved Bull Durham so you making Pam Annie and Crash's daughter is a twist that I'm intruiged to see where it goes. Jim and Pam meet, yay! I hope you have a bit of Pam's POV, I'm curious to know what she thinks of this Jim Halpert character. :) Thanks for the update.
Author's Response: I have a hunch she's going to kind of like him a little bit. Maybe ;)
Date: July 02, 2008 04:46 pm Title: Swing and a Miss
Dang, this really works, because the characters are totally recognizable (which is sadly where AU's usually lose me.) There are loads of great lines/moments (to name a few: this magenta whirlwind - that's Kelly; … because the deep reptilian part of Jim’s brain said, “there she is”. As if he’d just stepped away for a moment and now he was returning to her. Perfect; the whole funny/sexy/awkward black leather exchange.) But more than that, your overall concept actually works for these specific characters and it's well executed. I love your voice/style here - clean and snappy and completely engaging. Can't wait for more ;-) (Btw, minor league ball and summer? What could be better?)
Author's Response: That's funny that you mention my 'voice' because after reading the lovely 'August' (again), I intentionally tried to channel you to better develop the gorgeous sense of place and just general lushness of your writing. So, needless to say, your kind words about my story just make my day. Thank you!
Date: July 02, 2008 04:32 pm Title: Swing and a Miss
Okay, you've got me. I enjoyed the first chapter and this third chapter. I love Bull Durham. My favorite baseball movie, but still. I'm having a hard time believing that Pam would be Annie's daughter. But I'm going to keep reading you're updates because this chapter was very good.
Author's Response: You know this just makes me want to 'sell' you the idea of Annie as Pam's mom even more. It might be my new mission in life! I proud that you'd still read, even with the doubt. Thanks for saying that- and thanks for the honesty about what's not working for you. It will make the story better in the long run.
Date: July 02, 2008 03:42 pm Title: Swing and a Miss
Continued awesomeness. I love the way you've started to weave everyone into the story, keeping their personality traits and fitting them in seamlessly. I can't wait to see what's next!
Author's Response: Thanks for your kind review. I was worried about the 'cameos' so I'm glad they worked for you.
Date: July 02, 2008 03:40 pm Title: Swing and a Miss
Very original AU story - I like the setting of the sports world, especially since you incorporated some of DM friends.
Author's Response: I like the thought of Jim doing what he wants professionally and wanted to explore that. Thanks for taking time and reviewing- keep telling me what works and doesn't.
Date: June 24, 2008 09:47 am Title: Call to the Bullpen
i love this & i love where i think it's going! keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I hope you enjoy where it goes- it will be a fun trip if nothing else. Keep me posted on how I'm doing!
Date: June 24, 2008 06:12 am Title: Call to the Bullpen
No, you are not alone in your belief. I am LOVING this! One of my all-time favorite movies and my very favorite couple - it's perfection! You are spot on with the characterizations. If you need a beta, I would be MORE than happy to be it! Thank you for writing this - it's a new favorite!
Author's Response: I was originally going to just rewrite the movie with Pam and Jim with Roy as 'Nuke' LaLoosh, but this idea just kept blossoming and I couldn't not write it. Thanks for the support, and I may very well take you up on the beta offer- I love feedback!
Date: June 23, 2008 05:53 pm Title: Call to the Bullpen
Oh I canNOT wait to see where you are going with this. Excellent!
Author's Response: Thanks for saying that! I was worried about the reaction to the Bull Durham element, cause if that doesn't resonate, well then this is not going to be all that successful! I've got the next three chapters pretty much written, so stay tuned and let me know what you think.
Date: June 23, 2008 02:09 pm Title: Who's On First
definitely harder than it looks! But great job - this is a really new premise for an AU (I think...) and I like it a lot. Pam's internal dialog with herself was especially good! Very Pam, and very much like all of us from time to time :)
Author's Response: You know, I was a little worried that giving Pam two internal voices might be confusing- or maybe that she'd come off sounding like a schizophrenic which is not what I was going for!rnWhat I wanted was to show the internal conflict so the actions she takes later make more sense. Thanks so much for the review... I love when they're specific like this.
Date: June 21, 2008 12:31 pm Title: Who's On First
I'm not gonna lie, I'm usually not into AU's, but this has got me hooked! I love the idea...very original, but still completely in character. Great job!
Author's Response: I know, I used to be a purist too. I thought if it wasn't cannon it would cloud my mind from the glory of the show. But then I let my mind wander and it was Barbie and Ken all over again!! Seriously- I love the challenge of having the same story happen in entirely different circumstances & this is just my take on that. Hope you continue to enjoy!
Date: June 21, 2008 07:13 am Title: Who's On First
You know, there are some AU premises that are tried and true - can be fun, but not so original; some that are entertaining, but bear little relation to the characters we know; and very occasionally, one like this that is truly unique, yet thoroughly plausible. I think you've captured S1/S2 Pam, rationalizing that she's fine with her choices, and S3 Jim's disaffected 'ambition.' Also, that tense, edgy connection (disconnect?) he had with Karen. And lots of other stuff, lol. Anyway, these characters seem like themselves, but not them, but still them. (How much more inarticulate can I be in one review?) Nice clean writing too - really looking forward to reading more about Philly Jim.
Author's Response: A review like this from you is truly humbling, so thank you so much. I hope you still feel like it's believable when I introduce the Crossover elements- if nothing else I think it's going to be fun. Keep letting me know what you think, please. I so appreciate it!
Date: June 21, 2008 06:48 am Title: Who's On First
It may be harder than it looks but you're doing an awesome job with it. I'm getting a little addicted to Philly Jim stories so thank you very much for writing this. It's got a really good set up for the rest of the fic and I can't wait to read it.
Author's Response: Thanks for the encouragement! I too am I bit in love with the thought of a Jim Halpert (and a Pam Beesley) that have had the types of life experiences that caused them to grow as opposed to stagnate in an office. So yeah for Philly Jim!
Date: June 21, 2008 06:31 am Title: Who's On First
So I read this story just now as it was in the submission queue, and I've gotta say: I'm really impressed! I love stories like this that play with convention a little bit and use a format we haven't seen before.
Needless to say, I'm very interested to see where to take this. Well done, and congratulations on your first fic!
Author's Response: You don't know that I spent a good deal of time yesterday trying to look you up to see if you wanted to beta this for me and help me with formatting. I went to your LJ and everything, but once I'd worked up the nerve to email you, the server went kaput and anyway- I figured things out late last night. I've got about 5 chapters of this written, if you're interested I'd be honored if you'd beta for me. Even if you don't- thanks so much for the encouragment!