Date: January 05, 2010 08:21 pm Title: Chapter 1
Nice idea for this chapter! I really love the story plot, but I'm going to have to agree with Deedldee who previously reviewed this: there are a few errors and unclear sentences. I'm sorry that I'm having to say this for your first story (BTW, welcome to More Than That!! You're going to love all the stories here!), but I think this still needs a little bit of work. Beta's area a great way to have a second set of eyes to run over your story before posting or even to help bounce ideas back and forth with. Check out the list of beta readers, there are quite a lot of really great ones!
But in the end, I really love this idea and I can't wait to see how you continue!