Date: August 28, 2010 08:41 pm Title: Happy 18th Birthday
You stopped. Please don't stop. I was really enjoying it. It sounded like Jim, and felt like any parent whose child is in the hospital. Really believable, it brought back memories. Please post more soon.
Date: August 28, 2010 04:24 pm Title: Happy 18th Birthday
OK, apparently I don't know how to reach you on the message board, so I'm going to post my rambling here:
I hope you won't mind if I offer a suggestion about your story.
I think you have a really touching, sweet idea, but the reason it may not be garnering as much feedback as you'd like (and believe me, I know how frustrating that is), is that the letters, while great to read, only give us a glimpse of the potential the chapters have.
A professor I had in college once told me the first rule of writing is "show, don't tell." With making an entire story of only letters, you do all the telling and none of the showing. Jim and Pam trying to bathe a wriggling baby? Jim's head exploding in Babies R Us, or where ever? Jim and Pam celebrating J.D. gaining a couple of ounces? Those sound like great scenes.
If you're inclined, I think it might be really interesting if you went back and actually wrote the scenes you're describing in each letter. Use the letters as the intro to each scene, or even break up them into pieces and use them as a sort of narration.
I think the letters are really only the tip of the iceberg of what the story could be. I know that was the concept and I don't mean to criticize it, but I think there's a lot of untapped potential there. You have these really good ideas, and I for one would like to see them come to fruition.
Please feel free to ignore this if you think I'm completely off-base, and whether you decide to take the idea or not, please know that I write, not in the spirit of criticism, but in the spirit of friendship and encouragement.
Author's Response: yeah, i see your point. however, this is meant to be a companion piece to "It's Too Soon", so those scenes have already been written.
Date: August 11, 2010 07:17 pm Title: January 26, 2010
1st - JKras getting married = saddest day of that month for me. :( This was really sweet, I like Jim describing the room, and how big of a deal him gaining a pound was. Even though this is AU, I think you hit on the emotions of what a parent is going through during this time when all they want to do is bring their baby home. (a friend of a friend is going through this right now, so this hits a bit close to home for me.)
Date: August 07, 2010 09:01 am Title: January 26, 2010
I prefer the chapters (like this one!) that are just between Jim and JD, with a touch of Pam. I think they feel more "real" than the ones that try to pull in the whole cast. This is sweet; I have a sense of Jim's keeping a stiff upper lip and a concerted effort to be optimistic.
Date: July 12, 2010 04:47 am Title: January 16, 2010
Oh I Loved the summary's of each person. Creed's, was just.. well Creed:) Are the camera crew's names a tribute to our awesome office writers? Okay except for that last episode. I'm with you, it was disaponting, didn't feel like a season finale at all. But anyway, please keep writing these, I love how easily you write Jim. 5 stars from me!
Author's Response: yes indeed, the crew is named after the writers!
Date: May 17, 2010 09:42 pm Title: The Beginning...
this reminds me a lot of "its too soon" i dont really remember who the autor is, only the title(maybe is u xd). i love how he talks to him as a baby if the letters are for a 18 year old =D
Author's Response: i'm the author of "it's too soon"
Date: May 16, 2010 06:34 pm Title: The Beginning...
Oh, I like this very much. I think you hit the right notes of a young man trying to write this type of message to his baby. Not too mushy but still very tender. I especially liked this passage:
I hate that I can't hold you right now. You keep trying to cry around your tube, but you can't. Your face scrunches up and gets red, and you open your mouth, but you can’t make a sound. You’re killing me here, buddy. I just want to pick you up and cuddle you, but all I'm allowed to do is touch your little hand.
I'm looking forward to more.