Date: August 26, 2018 09:57 am Title: Chapter 1
This is excellent. Just excellent. The structure is wonderful: Jim, desperately attempting to drown out his memories; Pam then willingly revisits them.
The one-sentence paragraph structure of Pam's section is great. Jim's paragraphs in the first section are long, with longer sentences, as if his thoughts are running together and the world is moving too fast for him. But Pam's short sentences show how her thoughts are different. It shows more annoyance and almost-anger, then deliberation, and the different styles really suit the content of each section. What a great choice.
On top of all that, you captured a lot of powerful emotion without TELLING too much--you showed more than told, and I really, really appreciate that.
(I only have one teeny, tiny thing that caused a little confusion: whisky is clear, not murky, and while murky can mean a general sense of darkness and gloom, it also conjures up the image of a clouded liquid.)
But mmm, this was really great. I like stories that address painful emotion in a powerful way and even more so when it's as well written as this. Amazing job.
Date: November 08, 2017 03:18 am Title: Chapter 1
I'm glad you found us, and thank you for sharing your first JAM fic with us, trust me they can be addictive. Oh my poor Jim in the first part of this fic, a little difficult to read but definitely could see his heartbreak manifesting in such a way. I really enjoyed the Pam side, I could definitely see her going through this thought process and coming to the conclusion that she needs to make big changes. Looking forward to reading more from you! 😀
Date: November 06, 2017 04:39 am Title: Chapter 1
Alcoholic!Jim is very sad. Do you plan on continuing this, or is it a one-shot? It works well as a one-shot, it's just that your Pam seems more determined to "fight like hell" for Jim than canon!Pam who doesn't contact him, so I was wondering.