Date: March 23, 2019 03:37 pm Title: Chapter 5: Primary Command
Comfect, see, the thing is I don’t understand sci-fi but I GET this and it’s so wonderful and not just because it’s Jam-centric (I’d really love to hear more about Kelly and Ryan in this universe, I can’t lie). And, oh my, that part where Jim is weighing out what to say to Pam was just perfection.
Date: March 21, 2019 10:30 am Title: Chapter 10: Cryogenics Bay
So Roy is in fine form here, and by fine form I mean he's the same windbag he's always been.
Great job on Pam's part to have all these thoughts going through her head. She's trying to give Roy his chance, but methinks she's realizing he's already wasting it. Great update.
Author's Response: Yup. My favorite version of Roy, and by favorite I mean favorite to write not favorite to have had to experience if I had to live around him. I appreciate the feedback, and hopefully we are on the homestretch now of Pam having key realizations.
Date: March 17, 2019 07:20 pm Title: Chapter 9: The Almanac
Excellent self-analysis on Jim's part here. A much more mature version, at least in the start of the chapter, than what we see in the show. Great way to get him to start thinking with his head rather than being led with his heart in this regard.
Hopefully his trip to the Almanac won't change that to badly. Well done as always.
Author's Response: I think Jim's immaturity in canon is to a certain extent a result of having gotten out of town too quickly: it meant he didn't have to confront the consequences or implications of his actions for too long. Here he's in a different mental space because he can't get away from it. Thanks for the review!
Date: March 16, 2019 08:29 am Title: Chapter 8: A Corridor
Seems like Jim and Pam are getting back onto, well maybe not an even keel, but less rocky to be sure. It's amazing what a little direct communication can do. It's helped Pam remember some of the things she doesn't like about Roy. As well as think about the great things about Jim.
"Not being with Roy was something she really didn't know..." Great line there, but yet this Pam does know what it's like to not be with Roy. While he's been down there frozen she's had the chance to see what life is like without him. It seems to be be working for her too. This Pam is a lot more intentional with her thoughts. Now after Jim's declaration she's thinking a lot harder about what she wants out of her life.
So those are some nice adjustments from the Pam we see in the show. What I think you've retained nicely here is that Pam is still a very sweet and caring soul. Waking up Roy early is a way she's looking out for his feelings, as well as looking out for hers. With all the complicated thoughts and feelings is going through with this marriage really what she wants?
Now how will Roy react? Again the dynamic of not being able to go anywhere except back into the freezer is a great dynamic to play off of here. Everyone can avoid each other to be sure, but they can't escape each other. Makes for a very dramatic story.
Author's Response: Well, I'm further behind on responding to these than I thought! Thanks for this really thoughtful review. I greatly appreciate your insights. This one in particular made me think for the next Pam chapter: "this Pam does know what it's like not to be with Roy." A very good point and one I am (hopefully) building on.
Date: March 15, 2019 11:42 am Title: Chapter 7: Secondary Command
That was an interesting confrontation in the Observation Dome to be sure. Good on Pam to call him out like that. It's quick and simple, but it seems to break down the bits of armor Jim had started to mentally put up around her.
Then I kind of get the feeling that things kind of shift when he takes her to secondary command. She's not saying a lot while he prattles on. It feels like in the show when Jim is showing Pam through his parents house right after he bought it. She's not really saying much and her expression is kind of unreadable.
Can't wait to see what you've got planned next. And yes I am glad of the plot moving a bit quicker. But it's also your story to write and you do introspection very well.
Thanks! It's interesting that you and Coley both brought up the house, which was not my original intent, but which I can definitely see the parallels to now that I've gone back and both re-read my fic and re-watched that moment. Interested to see if you think Pam's reaction (which I'd already planned out) tracks for you or not.
And since I aimed this at 24k (which I probably won't hit, it'll go over, but still) this is going to pick up pace for sure now that I think the building blocks are in place.
Date: March 15, 2019 10:08 am Title: Chapter 7: Secondary Command
So I know I’m a few chapters behind in reviewing (surprise!) and this isn’t an official review but before I forget, I just needed you to know that the scene here with Jim describing the wedding space reminded me So Much of when he bought Pam a house and I don’t know if it was intentional or not but I love it and it’s got me feeling a couple of different ways.
What's this official review nonsense? I value your opinions whenever you have them!
It's interesting that you and warrior4 both noted the house-buying element when I didn't actually intend it! But it meant I went back and watched that scene again so hooray. The main difference I see here is that house-Jim had already bought the house, and also had a like real responsibility to Pam not to do major life things without her OK (I'm not a huge fan of that moment even if Pam reacts OK). But I see what you mean about the moment. VERRRY similar...we'll just have to see how this Pam reacts.
Date: March 15, 2019 09:05 am Title: Chapter 6: Observation Dome
This was my favorite chapter. I love that it is Pam the one who tries to go back to normal and, of course, how Jim is having any of it.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I hope the next one lives up to that too then, since we'll get Jim's POV.
Date: March 15, 2019 07:58 am Title: Chapter 1: Secondary Command
I’m not a huge sci-fi person but you reeled me in quickly. The world building alone is so amazing in this fic and then the added JAM angst? You’ve got me hook, line, and sinker. I can’t wait to read more.
Author's Response: I'm glad to hear it! I designed this to be as accessible as I could make it to a non-sci-fi audience, so I hope you'll keep on with it!
Date: March 14, 2019 12:17 am Title: Chapter 6: Observation Dome
"It was like watching an engine light up, but in reverse." Great line there that I think really gets to how Jim's feeling. Even though this is a Pam chapter it's very clear that Jim's pain is still very raw. I'm sure he would very much like to get back to being friends, but he can't after her rejection.
Speaking of her, I liked all Pam's introspection here. How she's reviewing all the ways he's shown how he cares for her. She's trying to sort out her feelings and I think she's starting to get a sense of just what Jim truly means to her. She's trying to get back to the way things were before his declaration, trying to remember that she's engaged But I sense that it's getting harder since Jim is there, warm, and most importantly not frozen unlike a certain Roycicle down in the warehouse. Great stuff, especially with all the flashbacks to things like the teapot.
Then let's talk about her reaction here for sec shall we? I really like that she locks them in the Observation Dome. I'm not sure if she realizes it or not, but it seems like a very Fancy New Beesly thing to do. Her laughter even in the face of Jim's angst is a refreshing change of pace. Mainly because I sense she's not laughing out of a desire to hurt his feelings, but because if she doesn't she'll break down almost like how Jim is on the verge of doing.
But now they're alone, and clearly emotions are still running high. Will they talk? Fight? Join the Billion-Light-Year-High club? I don't know, but I can't wait to find out.
Author's Response: Thanks, as always, for your extremely in-depth reviews. They really help me understand what I'm doing with the story I've already written, which as you can imagine is very important as I go write more of it. I think (or at least hope) you'll enjoy getting a little more plot movement over these next few chapters.
Date: March 12, 2019 06:05 pm Title: Chapter 5: Primary Command
Now that it's known this is more of an introspective type tale, this all works a lot better in that it's easier to know what to expect. Thanks for the heads up here at the end of this chapter and the thoughtful response to my last review.
Trying to unpack everything going on in Jim's head here is quite the task. Lots of fun call backs to the show that are fun to see added in. It's clear he's trying hard to put up mental armor when it comes to Pam. She's made her choice and he has to live with it. However he's also realizing just how abrupt his declaration was to her. We didn't see the immediate aftermath of Casino Night on the show. So here when everything is still so fresh and raw it all comes across as very believable. Even though the setting has changed quite a bit, you've still got everyone in character from how we saw them in the show. Good on you for that as it can be tough. Especially when one goes AU and the skies, or in this case the universe, is the limit in terms of how you can characterize everyone.
Well done as always.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! I always appreciate your thoughtful reviews. I do promise there will be a little more actual plot going forward, now that we've hopefully disentangled where their minds are (though you probably know by now from reading my other stories that I do tend to spend a lot of time in their heads).
Date: March 12, 2019 12:14 pm Title: Chapter 4: Pam's Bunk
Lots of good internal thinking going on here. I liked how you keep bringing in elements from the show and it still doesn't seem out of place. The 27 seconds of silence and the Dundies making their sci-fi appearance.
The only thing I would say is that while it was all good internal thoughts, it was a lot of internal thoughts. Many of which are in similar vein to a lot of other stories. When Pam woke up and realized she was going to be late to get to command, where Jim was, I was kinda looking forward to that interaction. I'm sure it's coming. I think it's about knowing your audience. Most people who come around this corner of the internet are familiar with the basic JAM timeline and story. So while it's fun to bring in new twists like you did her with Whitest Spacesuit, in my opinion what makes an AU like this fun is seeing what new things will be brought to the table. Hopefully that makes sense.
Thanks, warrior. I appreciate your thoughts. I'm deliberately treading a more internally-focused line here for two reasons: one as an excuse for worldbuilding, making clear how the JAM timeline and story map onto these elements, because there are a lot of differences (starting most obviously with frozen Roy), the other because I'm more interested in their internal thoughts than in the externalities I might choose to create. Now, obviously those internal thoughts are going to change as the story goes on, and in very AU ways because in the regular universe they don't keep interacting. But especially in an extreme AU, I'm personally much less interested in adding in a bunch of alternative action in than in seeing how the Jim and Pam we already know react.
Also, sorry to disappoint you here, but I think the key element of a story where Jim is still around in the Casino Night aftermath, regardless of universe, is that there isn't a lot of actual interaction between them: that Jim protects himself by withdrawing mentally if not physically, and that Pam isn't particularly aggressive about confronting him. So don't expect them to actually interact a lot in that initial moment in the next chapter either.
Date: March 11, 2019 07:03 pm Title: Chapter 4: Pam's Bunk
Definitely not a lot of sci-fi here but I don’t think it’s weird at all (one of my favorite jam fics is a Dollhouse crossover) as long as the characterization and heart of jam are true then they can be written in almost any setting… you’ve shown that quite well with your stories here.
As for this one, very excited to read that jim will be stuck on board longer than I initially expected. Can’t wait for the awkward encounters to come... Maybe a forced job they’re forced to work on together or maybe some sort of emergency and they’re the only two there and they fix it together? I’ve enjoyed the look inside their heads these chapters but some action would be fun too.
Yeah, given the general absence of genre fiction (aside from romance and mystery) in the fanfic on this board, I'm trying to give the SF background a soft landing; there will probably be more action, though still not a ton of action, in the upcoming segments. I'm still more interested in the JAM aspects of their continued proximity after Casino Night than in pure space opera, but there will be more of that upcoming.
Thanks for the review!
Date: March 10, 2019 08:08 pm Title: Chapter 3: Primary Command
"He briefly considered whether there was any way to sabotage Roy’s freeze or his thawing or something like that, but he didn’t try to think about it too hard because he really wasn’t that kind of person." Huh. Turns out that *I'm* that type of person because I've been thinking about this since chapter one.
The whole paragraph about how Jim's going to give Pam the brides room and everything she wants for her wedding - it's fine, I wanted my heart to break on a Sunday night at 11:05pm. Totally cool, Comfect.
Kelly as Ice makes things a little bit better though. That's just genius.
He's a better man than me - walking away from the console like that. I'd have looked.
Looking forward to what's coming next!
I mean, I put that in because I, the author, was having those temptations and I thought it was important that Jim be a better man than I am. I'm not really sorry about making you cry--just know that, as all my stories are, this is going to be a happy ending, so the tears will be worth it. I hope. :) Thanks for reading!
Date: March 10, 2019 07:53 pm Title: Chapter 2: Primary Command
So Pam's list of reasons for crying are heartbreaking but so well written. Really well done there!
But let's go right to her plan of attack for a little wallowing. I'm here for all of it. In this scenario, I'm picturing Pam's mom as the first actress we saw her as, and I love her pep talk so much. Like, of course she loves Roy but she's got that mom insight and she knows that Pam has Jim to take care of her when she can't and I love that she's not shy at all about telling Pam this.
These two. They've got themselves in a bit of a Space Jam, don't they? (sorry. I'm so sorry but I had to do that.)
Author's Response: Thank you! I love the pun (see the title of this story) and I'm glad you're enjoying Helene (and yes, I always, always see her as S2 Helene).
Date: March 10, 2019 07:34 pm Title: Chapter 1: Secondary Command
So here's the thing, Comfect. Obviously I'm going to read this and I'm going to love it. No doubt. But I don't know a single thing about sci-fi outside of the original Star Trek from the '60s and the robots on Mystery Science 3000, so I don't really understand what's going on here, but I'm following along the best I can and well, I'm here for it.
Things I already love: Frozen Roy. That's fantastic. I'm here for this. "a man who would be just as warm and emotionally available down in the freezing darkness of the Warehouse as he had been before." God, this is such a great line, and such a great comparison of OG Roy to AU Roy.
I'm excited for this one!
Author's Response: Well, thank you, Coley, for your trust! You do not need to know much if anything about sci-fi to read this story, except that some of the weird flourishes may be, well, weirder, but I promise, this is a straight JAM story just in a sci-fi setting. Frozen Roy was probably my single biggest reason for wanting that setting, so I'm really glad that worked for you!
Date: March 07, 2019 09:05 pm Title: Chapter 3: Primary Command
Oh, you. My love of AU is deeply rooted in the area where you are so gifted: keeping the characters behaviors, mannerisms, etc. the same while plugging them into a different world. You are SO good at that. This is fantastic and I can't wait to see where you align canon moments with the New World you've created.
And, oh my! Kelly is so perfectly written in this chapter. So perfectly.
I sort of want Jim to succumb to the temptation, just so he can hear what Pam's mom has to say about him.
And I really, REALLY love what you did with the date/not a date and the "pull" comment. Geez, so good. This is great and I so look forward to where you take it.
Oh, DC, that means so much to me, especially coming right after you finished your own freaking amazing, somehow-still-in-character AU that still gives me chills. I really appreciate hearing it!
Date: March 05, 2019 09:09 pm Title: Chapter 3: Primary Command
Okay so now we're getting a bit different than how things turned out in the show. Not a bad thing at all. However there are some fun call backs. The "date night" watching a supernova, basically the biggest firework in the universe was a great touch there. Not being physically present for the ceremony, the bridge of this ship this time as opposed to Australia or Stamford.
However the shifts are also just as welcome. Him agreeing to help her with the wedding, since it will make her happy even if its killing him inside. His realization that she was at his station was a good thing there too.
Great job as always.
Author's Response: Yeah, there are some elements of the AU that just force the story into a different mode, most obviously that I'm not sure how Jim could really transfer off an isolated ship in deep space...so he doesn't get to. I'm really glad that you're finding the shifts that those alterations create convincing! Thanks for reading, as always.
Date: March 05, 2019 04:47 pm Title: Chapter 2: Primary Command
I liked this second chapter and really Loled about the idea of recycling tears. Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm trying to stay true to the JAM core while including all the weird things I want scifi shows to show us--like recycling tears. Glad you are enjoying.
Date: March 04, 2019 05:28 pm Title: Chapter 2: Primary Command
So an intergalactic version of the phone call at Jim's desk in the show. Or at least that how it feels. I do like at the sci-fi type talk you incorporate. Traveling past light speed and all that. It adds to the universe you're building here. You did nicely in keeping Pam in character. How she's still working on her confidence. The message from her mother to give her a pep talk in that regard was great.
I'm wondering if this ship has like a personnel locator function on the ship's computer. Punch up a crewman's name and the computer tells you where they are. Could be a handy thing if either Jim or Pam are trying to find or stay away from the other.
Okay we've had Jim's thoughts, and now Pam's. Now this is the part I'm looking forward to. How will the post Casino-night dynamic work with Jim and Pam stuck awake with only the ship to escape to and the Roycicle down in the Warehouse?
One other thing, great way to create a new way to not like Roy. First he proposes whilst drunk and also right before he gets frozen. I mean we all knew he didn't have anything to do with planning the wedding, but freezing himself is quite the novel way to have him get out of that. Not that I ever really expect much out of Roy regardless of what universe he's in.
Date: March 03, 2019 06:23 am Title: Chapter 1: Secondary Command
Well this looks exciting! Excellent set up, and like Warrior I thought of Passengers (even though I’ve never seen it). I was actually really excited at the thought of them being stuck up in space together after the confession/rejection with a frozen Roy… thinking that would be definitely something different. So I was a little bummed when I read there was a possibility of a Stamford transfer still but either way I always enjoy your AUs and this will certainly be no different.
Thanks! I also haven't seen it...
Don't worry that the Stamford transfer will actually happen--I set this up with an homage to canon there but he doesn't get away in this storyline until after they arrive, which I assure you is well after the actual story will be worked out. So he'll definitely be stuck there in the wake of this.
Date: March 02, 2019 06:21 pm Title: Chapter 1: Secondary Command
Not to bad actually. Was any of this also inspired by the movie "Passengers," with Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt? Cause I get that kind of sense. There are key differences of course, but I digress.
Even though the setting is different the feeling is the same. Jim being crushed by Pam's rejection. However this time around I can see that it's even harder to bear since they're stuck on the same colony ship. Looking forward to seeing how this one plays out.
Author's Response: Wow, high praise there ;). This isn't specifically inspired by Passengers, since I haven't actually seen it, but I'm a scifi buff so it's inspired by the same sorts of things that inspired that movie. I'm glad you're finding the feeling the same--hope that continues. Jim is definitely going to have to stick around instead of transferring, so things will diverge pretty quickly, but yeah, poor boy's pretty durn crushed.
Date: March 02, 2019 06:10 pm Title: Chapter 1: Secondary Command
Wow! This is really interesting! I enjoyed everybody's nicknames and how you've managed to remake the world withiugh changing its essence.
Author's Response: Thanks! I hope you keep thinking I haven't changed its essence as we go forward, because I'm not entirely confident in my own abilities to do that...