Date: June 23, 2019 08:10 pm Title: 7: And with two steps, I'm saved
The first bit of this chapter was a little to narration heavy I think. Having some actual dialogue I think would have helped. Like having the actual conversation between Pam and Oscar. Achieve the same goal, let the reader know what happened, but it might feel a bit more natural is all.
The rest of the chapter was great fun though. Pam listening in on Jim and Betsy's conversation was fun. That Jim has, and even after Stamford KEPT, a Pam box is very sweet on his part. Then when Pam and Betsy meet and instantly join forces was lots of fun. He may put on a show of annoyance, but as the last line shows, it's just a show and he's happy to have these two women who he loves so much together.
I liked it.
Thanks Warrior! I was trying to balance moving the story ahead and not rushing through everything too quickly with the narration early on the chapter. It seems I have erred a little on the move the story ahead side of things. I appreciate the feedback.
I’m glad you enjoyed Betsy - I had a lot of fun with her!
Date: June 23, 2019 03:35 pm Title: 7: And with two steps, I'm saved
This is so great. Especially Betsy. So pleased you gave us some of that. Thank you!
Author's Response: Thanks Comfect! I’m glad you enjoyed the Betsy inclusion, especially considering it was your comment that really inspired it being added in!
Date: June 16, 2019 09:36 am Title: 6: You put the blood to my blue lips
Oh I am so looking forward to Jim's Mom and her idea of the situation. Nicely done here, especially Phyllis and your image of Jim's aspirational bachelor pad.
I really wanted to repurpose a few of Phyllis’ canon-ish statements here, so I’m glad that worked.
I had planned on brushing over Mama Halpert’s visit, but this comment may inspire just a little inclusion... We shall see...
Date: June 16, 2019 03:28 am Title: 6: You put the blood to my blue lips
Ah, I figured you'd get around to updating sooner or later. Interesting chapter here. The two Jim's if you will continue to collide. Evolved Jim (EJ) and Pam's Jim (PJ) if you will.
In one sense it's very sweet to see PJ back to adoring Pam and now he is able to really enjoy that. At the same time it's a little heartbreaking to see PJ come into touch with everything EJ turned into. I'm sure there is a happy medium that can be found but until it is, there's just something a little off. Great writing to bring that out.
Same goes for Pam. She's so hopeful that this is really the start of her and Jim together but she's still so scared of everything when/if his memories return. Again great writing to bring out those dual emotions.
Can't wait to see where this all ends up.
I appreciate your belief in my follow through 😂
I like your PJ/EJ comparison - that’s essentially what I’ve been going for. It’s nice to put a name to it though.
Date: June 06, 2019 08:14 am Title: 5: I am floating
Okay. I like Pam being the better person here, all ‘you have to figure out this Karen nonsense, but by the way, I love you too.’ Fancy New Beesly strikes again!
Oh. Hey Karen. As a non-Karen fan, this entire exchange delights me in its awkwardness. Jim doesn’t recognize himself as ‘Karen’s Jim’ and neither do we, honestly. I also really enjoy how Karen’s attitude toward Michael is a tipping point for Jim. The man hit him with a car and he’s still loyal to their friendship. That’s so sweet.
Jim doesn’t remember anything but he still knows how and why he’s with Karen and I really enjoyed this introspection on his part. And he’s STILL trying to be a decent guy by letting her down because he knows he’s been wrong and we don’t deserve him, Jenna.
Okay. This end scene is adorable! It’s just so very them and lovely and WE’RE ALL DONE WAITING, PAM!
I kinda wanna fist-bump Kevin, too.
Is anyone truly a Karen fan? I mean truly... 😂
As much as Season 3 tears me to shreds, I love the confidence it brings Pam. I also love moments wherein this is sped up.
I think that without remembering the pain, Jim would be a far more logical thinker in terms of the events of Casino Night/all that follows.
I’m glad you enjoyed my little Kevin moment. I was tossing up about putting that in, as I wasn’t sure if it really fit with Karen’s characterization to mention it... but I loved it too much to leave it out.
Thank you, as always!
Date: June 05, 2019 11:36 am Title: 5: I am floating
Humor can be spelled however you like, as long as you have a sense of it, and you clearly do (yes, we Americans do tend to spell it without the u, but I can assure you that we are capable of understanding it spelled correctly as well). I loved this update, and I'm so glad you're still pushing this story forward. Karen gets what she deserves here, I think, which is to say this isn't vicious, just natural. Honestly, it's probably easier than canon, because at least here she doesn't have to spend all those days fighting for the relationship without understanding the stakes. Thanks for the update!
Don’t even get me started on how many times I’ve spelt “colour” wrong for this story! I’m glad to know you’re willing to overlook my international spelling faux pas...
I feel for canon Karen, she truly has no idea what she’s up against & when she gets an inkling, she digs her heels in & likely only brings herself more angst. I’m you found this version to be a pretty natural consequence. Thanks for your continued support!
Date: June 05, 2019 11:28 am Title: 5: I am floating
So I read this chapter last night at work in a kind of rushed fashion. I really liked it. One because I always like it when Jim and Pam finally get over themselves and find each other. It was great to see here.
Question for you, did you intend this to be kind of a PB&J sandwich kind of chapter? What I mean by that is we start out with a nice sweet moment with Jim and Pam, in the middle is everything with Karen, and we end with another sweet JAM moment. If so, well done.
I do like how introspective Jim is here. Jim has always been a bright kind of guy, even if like anyone he has his stupid moments here and there. However, here with only a few prompts he's able to figure out the what's and why's of the whole Pam and Karen triangle he got himself into. Nice to see that.
Sometimes it takes a hard reset to get things back on track. In this case it was Michael's car to expunge Stamford Jim and bring back Pam's Jim. Nice to see that return even if it's at a hospital bedside.
Also Jim's list of praises of all things Pam while she denies him and then just shuts him up with a kiss. Wonderful. Great way to bring back some of their banter.
Did I consciously and deliberately PB&J sandwich this chapter? Uh, sure... This observation made me laugh - I was at one point a teacher & we very intentionally provided constructive criticism (& feedback to parents) based on the sandwich model (a positive, a not so positive, & then finishing on another positive). Apparently, this approach has permeated into other parts of my life if this chapter is anything to go by...
I think without feeling the hurt that surrounds Casino Night, Jim would be able to see things from a much more logical standpoint & draw those sorts of conclusions a lot more easily. I love your hard reset example - that’s exactly it.
As always, thank you for reading & reviewing!
Date: June 04, 2019 08:25 pm Title: 4: I can see the paint on your toes
"It didn't matter. All that mattered was you." MY HEART.
No, I'm sorry, I just thought my heart was breaking there. I was wrong, because it actually broke at the line "I drew it so many ways. I tried to fix it."
Even Amnesiac Jim knows her friendship wasn't going to be enough and that he wanted more than that from her and JB! This chapter is SO DAMN GOOD.
That ending. It's killing me in the best of ways.
Seriously. This chapter is one of my favorite that you've written yet and now I'm sad that there isn't another chapter to read so you're going to have to update soon. I don't make the rules, that's just how it is.
Author's Response: Oh boy, this is high praise and I — thank you. There will be an update soon. I have a few things to tweak, but hoping to have it up shortly. Thanks for following along & your lovely reviews.
Date: June 04, 2019 08:15 pm Title: 3: Forced the life through still veins
So January Jim is a new favorite of mine. I love that he's just woken up, all he knows is Pam, and he learns that Karen is his girlfriend and all he can think of is that he should probably break up with her because it's definitely doomed.
Yeah. January Jim is the best.
I LOVE this conversation between Karen and Pam, and I love how hard Pam is trying to sell that "there were reasons" she didn't marry Roy that weren't related to Jim.
I can't believe Karen just left! I mean, I'm glad, but I still can't believe she just took off like that.
Ooh, and a cliffhanger. I'm so glad you didn't force me into passing out for these updates.
Author's Response: January Jim is essentially Booze Cruise Jim so he’s very close to at least acknowledging some feelings. Karen may have left the room, but she hasn’t left the hospital, & will definitely make a reappearance at some stage in the not too distant future... Your reviews are always a delight. Thanks for reading!
Date: May 29, 2019 11:02 am Title: 1: Even in the blackout, I know
I really enjoyed this. The dialogue was great. Very true to the characters. It's amazing how easy it is for them to talk when Jim isn't carrying around all the post -Casino Night baggage!
I don't know if you're looking for suggestions but hearing some of Jim's thoughts might be great next.
Author's Response: Thanks Sprinkles! I’m glad you liked the dialogue and that you found it stuck pretty true to character. I’m always open to suggestions - the next chapter is definitely a bit more Jim POV heavy, I hope you enjoy it (when I manage to post it, which shouldn’t be too long now!)
Date: May 29, 2019 10:46 am Title: 4: I can see the paint on your toes
Dialogue was definitely necessary, and I think you did it well--interspersed with good internal monologue. I'm impressed with your Pam for actually expressing her feelings, and I hope these two can recover (Jim physically and mentally, Pam mentally, and them as a couple).
Author's Response: It’s nice to hear you didn’t find the dialogue too clunky. I’m trying to bring a bit more of a Beach Games equivalent Pam into this, even though she’s not quite there yet in terms of where this is actually set...
Date: May 29, 2019 04:39 am Title: 4: I can see the paint on your toes
Again well done with the emotions here. Don't worry about it being dialogue heavy. From how you've set things up it flows well. Good on Pam for being brave enough to fill Jim in on what's happened. Even if it means re-living all the pain of Casino Night and the aftermath. That takes a lot of courage on her part and it makes a lot of sense she'd be scared.
I love how Jim reacts the way he does. A lot of the same words as before, "more than that," for example. However the sting is gone this time around. Great way to re-purpose some of the lines from the show. I also love that even though Jim is the one in the hospital bed, he's still there for Pam. If there's a silver lining, it's that he accepted he was a jerk to her, doesn't want to be like that, and is reaching out to comfort her.
Feel free to use any of the lines from any review or story I've written. Just remember, it's only plagiarism if you don't cite your sources.
Author's Response: I’m glad you didn’t find the dialogue too much. I suppose it’s bound to be a fairly dialogue heavy story if one person has no clue what’s happened & is stuck in a hospital bed. I wrote myself into a bit of a that’s just how it’s gotta be spot there. Thanks for sticking with me!
Date: May 27, 2019 04:20 pm Title: 3: Forced the life through still veins
Now this is a roller coaster of a chapter. You wrote Pam's conflicted emotions incredibly well from start to finish in this chapter. She's going through this hue big thing, and all the carefully built walls and barriers she's put in place are breaking, cracking, and crumbling. It's as if someone has taken the colour (you're welcome) palate of her life and rather than painting a clear and ordered painting, they're just tossing paint around and messing with the tint and contrast at the same time.
Likewise goes for Karen. I gt the sense that Karen is doing her best to keep things together. That she can't allow herself to be seen breaking by anyone. Clearly this Karen's not stupid and I can almost see the gears turning in her head as she processes what Pam had told her and that Jim is reaching out to Pam rather than her. Like I said, great writing.
So, where does this leave us? Well, as other have stated, Pam stayed and Karen left. Jim is going to see that. His so-called girlfriend bails, but Pam is still there and without an engagement ring to boot. I can't wait to see where you're going with this.
Author's Response: Hypothetically, if I were to repurpose phrases from your review, would you class that as plagiarism? 😂 Jim will reflect a little on the so-called girlfriend bailing in the next chapter (or two). I feel for Karen early on, she’s pretty oblivious to Pam & Jim’s history. Although, I feel for her less when she has more information and begins to treat Pam like a threat that must be stamped out, but I digress... I hope you find things to like in the next chapter too!
Date: May 27, 2019 12:22 pm Title: 3: Forced the life through still veins
Cliffhanger! This is very addictive. Thanks for the update! I especially love Karen and Pam actually talking without excessive cattiness. Nicely done.
Author's Response: Addictive is high praise! I feel like the cattiness isn’t really established in the show until Karen has a bit more of an understanding of their history (stemming from events like her conversation with Phyllis in Traveling Salesmen...) Considering Jim has clearly not given her much history, I don’t think she sees Pam as a threat for at least some time following the merger. I hope you enjoy the next chapter!
Date: May 27, 2019 12:11 pm Title: 3: Forced the life through still veins
This is so great! I like that Karen left but Pam stayed. Just shows that Karen wasn't fully there for Jim even when he really needed her.
Author's Response: Thank you! That’s something Jim will dwell on a little bit in the next/future updates too...
Date: May 26, 2019 06:50 pm Title: 2: And watched the color rush forth
Oh Jim! Oh no, he thinks it's a prank! I love that, and the fact that he's not even mad - he's just impressed at the lengths she's gone to get him. That's such a Jim thing.
And you know what such a Pam thing is? Her being worried for Jim but being happy he doesn't remember the last year, but also still being concerned over Karen's feelings. Talk about conflicting feelings! But at least Jim is still holding her hand.
And that ending! The realization that Michael actually hit him with his car -- lol, so good!
What if I do hold my breath until the next update? Will it get you to write any quicker or are you fine with my passing out over this fic? Just asking.
Author's Response: Oh Coley, you threatening to pass out over my story is the sweetest thing... It’s a shame this whole job business really gets in the way of prime fic writing time. I have, however, managed to chip away at another chapter so hopefully that will be a breath of fresh air 😉
Date: May 26, 2019 06:41 pm Title: 1: Even in the blackout, I know
Oh, this is genius from the start! I love the "I wonder who he ran over then" line in the show, and it turns out, I love it in fic form as well.
This whole beginning with Pam's world missing bright colors with Jim in her life is so sad, but so well written... there are certain people who just add color to your life -- I have to imagine Jim is one of them! ;)
I love so much that Pam gets to the hospital before Karen does. I love that Jim can remember her birthday. I don't love so much that he can't remember the date, but well, I do love that he doesn't know who Karen is so it all works out in my mind.
I love this start! I'm a sucker for an amnesia story and this one has a different twist to it, so I'm all in!
Author's Response: Fun Run is my favorite episode so it’s fun to repurpose it with some Season 3 angst. I’m glad you’re down for the good, old amnesia trope...
Date: May 26, 2019 08:40 am Title: 2: And watched the color rush forth
I left a review on fanfiction.net, but I'll say it here as well, I can't wait for this story to be updated again and hope to see a new chapter soon, keep up the good work :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review (both here & on ff net). I’m glad to have you reading! I hope you enjoy the next update.
Date: May 26, 2019 04:52 am Title: 2: And watched the color rush forth
Very good with the internal thoughts this time around. Both with Jim thinking the whole thing was a prank and his hope at having Pam hold his hand like that and with Pam's conflicting feelings. You've got them in a fragile position and I very easily see why Pam is so hesitant about going forward.
To borrow a line from LOTR, the quest stands on the edge of a knife, stumble but a little and you will fall. That's where I see Pam right now. She has a thread of hope here, but if she doesn't tread carefully things around her will shatter. I get the feeling Jim might come to the same realization soon as well. And then of course what will Karen think about all this? Can't wait to see what you've got planned next.
Author's Response: Oh yes, so much potential for things to shatter... Although, there was enough shattering in reality & fic is for happier things as far as I’m concerned so there won’t be too much devastation. I’m glad to have you along for the ride!
Date: May 25, 2019 08:18 pm Title: 2: And watched the color rush forth
But it's such a nice surprise to see another update! I'm very happy to see how Jim is coping and I love Pam and Karen in here.
Author's Response: A surprise for you & me both! I’m glad you’re enjoying the Pam/Karen dynamic in this because there is more to come...
Date: May 25, 2019 09:41 am Title: 1: Even in the blackout, I know
I really enjoyed this. It's a different take than past amnesia stories. Hoping for an update soon.
Author's Response: Thanks! I’m glad it’s a little bit different to what’s already out there. I’m hoping to update soon too - we shall see...
Date: May 25, 2019 09:13 am Title: 1: Even in the blackout, I know
Amnesia plot! Super excited, definitely looking forward to this; please do consider updating soon!
Author's Response: Thank you! Oh, I will definitely consider updating soon, although whether my time management skills are up to the challenge is a different question altogether...
Date: May 25, 2019 06:24 am Title: 1: Even in the blackout, I know
Excellent descriptions here. I really like that Pam's thought process involves color so much. It perfectly fits her personality. That everything is dull and faded there in the beginning is a great way to get into her frame of mind.
We've had memory loss/amnesia stories before. Jim or Pam forgetting about the other. However a Jim forgetting Karen story, like this one is shaping up to be, is a very unique twist. I really like the premise and can't wait to see where you go with it.
As an Australian, I can’t even begin to tell you how much it annoys me to have spelt “colour” wrong so many, many times for this - so I’m glad to have it pay off, & that you’ve enjoyed the use of it.
Thanks for reading!