Date: July 08, 2019 09:02 am Title: Consequences
Bit of downturn here for Pam. Clearly she's scared and in that fear she's pushing aside the two men who cared for her. I'm sure Roy did at one point even if he doesn't really at this point in there lives. However Jim clearly does care.
Fear is a tricky thing. It whispers things like "just run away," or "this way is easier," but those are lies. Hopefully Pam will realize that soon.
Date: July 07, 2019 07:53 pm Title: Consequences
That description of anxiety was achingly real. I loved it. The moments with Jim were hard to read. Poor Pam and Jim... There’s a whole lot of angst before we get to the good stuff, isn’t there? I am so here for this...
Date: July 02, 2019 04:28 am Title: Stupid
Yes, this is depressing, but after what happened that night, how could Jim NOT feel like that? Great of getting into his head space here. Interesting choice to have him overhear at least part of Jan and Pam's conversation. It's hard to know if that sparks hope, dread, or anything else. I did like the butterfly analogy at the end there. It's there, it's beautiful, and just as quickly gone.
Date: June 25, 2019 11:47 pm Title: Haze
I really enjoy your imagery. I can picture Pam in her bed weighing up her life/choices. I’m excited to see where you go with this, I think there’s so much possibility with this twist.
Has Jim also been talking to Jan about transferring in this version of events? Not that it really is integral to the story, just curious.
I was glad to see you’d started another story, I’m looking forward to seeing what comes next!
Date: June 25, 2019 04:47 pm Title: Haze
I like the concept, I'm glad someone is taking up this prompt. I'm interested to know why Jan offered Jim's job to Pam, and how Jim will react to that (as well as to Pam being, ya know, in Stamford). It's a great premise, and I think you've done well with the characters. Now I'm looking forward to where you go with it.
Date: June 25, 2019 04:46 pm Title: Haze
So, starting out with the canon lines at least. Good way to get things going that way I think. However after the kiss is all new. Nicely written too. Great writing to get into Pam's head and all the conflicted emotions going along with it.
So Pam's heading "out of state," not "interstate." A little nitpicky I know, but Jan's use of the word interstate there just seems a bit off. Not really natural you know, so for me at least it kind of threw me off thus this comment.
Still you've got this set up nice. Looking forward to seeing where it ends up.
Author's Response: Thank you for picking that up! I've just fixed it so hopefully Jan's comment makes more sense now.