Date: October 15, 2020 02:05 pm Title: Miami
I really love what you've done with the last couple of chapters. I think Jim going on stress leave would have been a really interesting addition to the last season. Like many people, it's not my favourite, but I'm looking forward to see how you write the rest of it.
Author's Response:
Much appreciated! It's just an idea I had and wanted to post, so I'm glad you're enjoying it thus far.
Thanks for the review!
1 [Report This]Date: August 24, 2020 08:45 pm Title: Miami
I'm excited to see where you go with this. Season 9 is something thatedt a sour taste with me too, do a fixit is just what the doctor ordered! Overall this chapter covered a lot of ground and I think you did well. You covered a lot of different perspectives, which was pretty ambitious, but none of the transitions stood out from the others, so well done there.
Author's Response:
Much appreciated! Yeah, I wanted to get a feel for how the story should go. A lot of it is canon (especially Dwight's story, he got the most from that season), but that one diverging decision (which you've already read by this point) will reshape how the series will work. It is ambitious, but it helps me get into the characters' heads. I wanted to represent them well.
Apologies for the late reply, btw. Life and quarantine, you know.
Thanks for the review!
1 [Report This]Date: August 21, 2020 04:44 am Title: Miami
Thus far, not bad. It was nice to see some of those opening scenes from Season 9 fleshed out. You've got a great feel for everyone's though processes.
A critiquie I found was the Erin/Nellie section. We started out with Erin's POV then the quick shift to Nellie within the same section there. At first I was a little confused, but then saw what you were doing after a quick re-read. So not bad, but could have maybe been a bit clearer.
The Jim and Pam section was great though. Nice to get some backstory about everything. Jim sparring with Ryan over the table was a fun nod to their rivalry. Likewise the continuation of the Finer Things Club was a fun moment as well.
I loved the part with Pam's thought process. Mama Beesly needs to become a thing. It might have flowed a little better a little later in the section though. We start off with Jim's thoughts. Quick detour to Pam's mind, then right back to Jim. If that section with Mama Beesly had been moved to where Pam is putting away the Finer Things Club stuff as Jim walks in I think it would have flowed better since that's the first time Pam makes an appearence in this story so to me it makes sense that that's when we'd hear her thoughts.
That's not to say I didn't like this. I did. You've got a great pace and I could easily envision every scene.
Welcome to MTT. Great start for your first time here. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Author's Response:
Good to hear from you! And thanks from the welcome.
Again, it's extremely clunky, and I'm definitely going to repost it as I watch Season 9 (heck, maybe later today if I have time). But I appreciate your critiques, and they'll be extremely useful going forward.
Erin was the most difficult because she starts off extremely content. She'll grow as a person and become more independent as the story goes on, but her story ended happily in S8, whereas everyone else mentioned here (aside from Kevin) will definitely be going through the wringer. Nellie especially is one of the most underutilized characters (the other two are in this story, too), and while I get why she's unpopular I like the character well enough, but not much is done with her. And Lord knows her and Andy's (non)rivalry needed work in this season.
Glad you liked the Jim and Pam sections, since those are obviously the crux of the story. The switching of POVs is something my scattered brain is not skilled at just yet, but I know it'll become more clean as I go.
Thanks for the review!