Date: September 07, 2020 05:48 am Title: Chapter 1
This story is both beautiful and sad. I can totally imagine that this might have happened in the show. I'm so curious how the events might proceed in the future from this starting point... but, I guess, you left this to the readers ;)
Lovely work, and thanks for sharing!
Date: September 06, 2020 08:15 pm Title: Chapter 1
I think I followed who was speaking pretty alright, so well done there. Admittedly some of the dialogue near the end I was unclear on, it was hard for me to make out what was being said... Not sure if that makes sense or not. Pam's reaction seemed in line, but Jim reading it as a rejection and his responuse had me a little lost? Specifically him saying he didn't want to do that, it just didn't quite seem to fit in my mind.
That aside though, you did great justice to the scene and really captured the mood.
Date: September 06, 2020 05:39 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oof. Wow. That was good. I can totally see this conversation happening. Jim is kind of unpredictable in his courage, and I feel like this could have happened if things had been just slightly different. Well done.
Date: September 06, 2020 04:21 pm Title: Chapter 1
Dialogue is clear but it does seem like they're having a telepathic conversation since italics usually mean thoughts. But it's easy enough to follow once you figure it out.
You've done well here with the setup, I'm intrigued with how your AU goes from here!
Date: September 06, 2020 03:51 pm Title: Chapter 1
Yes the dialogue is clear as to who is talking. At first I was a little taken back. In general if you're using italics like that it's for internal thoughts a character is having. If it's just regular talking one generally can just type normal.
Anyway, this was a nice take on the whole Jim doesn't tell Pam he loves her idea. You brought out his fear of telling Pam what he really thinks nicely. Likewise with her fear of losing her best friend. Personally I'd like to see a follow up to this.
Does Jim leaving mean Pam still breaks up with Roy? Does she go through with the wedding? Lots of ways you could take this if you continue it. Nice job.