Date: November 23, 2020 01:08 pm Title: Chapter 2
Between the interlocking relationships of Oscar, Andy, Angela, Dwight and the (State) Senator, Packer's mysterious motives and undefined monetary gain; and whatever is going on with Pam you've given us (and Jim) a lot of paths to follow when the chaos starts. I am very, very intrigued and very, very much hoping the pace of updates keeps up!
I love poor Jim's being utterly consumed by thoughts of Pam right from the jump, much to the detriment of his actually doing his job. Some things don't change in any universe. And I really appreciate how well you've slotted Packer into the role of the mysterious millionaire up to no good - you've found a sort of sinister element to his obnoxious canon personality that leaves room for him to be clever as opposed to his usual dopey self.
"You gathered as much information as you could, even if it seemed like nothing worthwhile. And then, once you started to put it all together, the different elements clicked together into something?" "No detail was too small?" If you are trying to get me to reread this, madam... you have succeeded. I for one feel vaguely suspicious of Jim's conclusion that it was Pam who walked in on him earlier.
Some great table-setting in this chapter - looking forward to what comes next!
Date: November 23, 2020 03:06 am Title: Chapter 2
I love all these breadcrumbs you are leaving us and of course, the canon moments so subtly placed. It's brilliant. I have so many Thoughts.
There is just so much delightful detail that you feel completely immersed. The Angela/Dwight/Oscar exchange was perfect and putting that description of Jim's laugh had me dying.
"boorish louse" is absolutely the best description of Roy
oh. OH. That ending. I have a feeling there is an ass-kicking coming and I am HERE FOR IT. ;)
Date: November 23, 2020 02:33 am Title: Chapter 1
I love love love the entire premise of this. And YOU writing it? A match made in heaven.
Theodore F. Packer- I snorted.
"The heat and the drink slowed both his brain and body until he felt like molasses spilling out of its container as slow as you please." Well, if that isn't the most southern line to ever.
"She looked up towards the second story of the house--towards him--and he could have sworn that their eyes connected for the briefest of moments. " GOD this entire paragraph is perfection. Just kill me now.
You've set this up so beautifully! Savannah is such a hazy, dreamy city, drenched in sweet tea and Spanish Moss and you have made me feel like I am right back there. I love it so much.
Date: November 22, 2020 03:58 pm Title: Chapter 2
BT, I’m absolutely hooked. There’s so much intrigue already and I can’t wait to find out what happens next! I feel like Roy was making moves on Pam and I’m excited to see what Jim does, even if this wasn’t the case! The whole setup is very interesting, very Clue, and I am curious to see what you do next!!
Date: November 22, 2020 01:57 pm Title: Chapter 2
This is SO good, BT. I knew I was going to love this story, but now that I'm reading it, I'm blown away. The writing is fantastic, the details are perfect, and Jim and Pam's interactions couldn't be any better. I also love that Pam just works for Roy, and so I'm assuming they have no romantic relationship. I hope that is the case, after all. I can't wait to see who is the one that gets murdered (that sounds horrible) and how it will effect everyone. I can't wait for more!
Author's Response: I just have to tell you how much I love that you included "I can't wait to see who is the one that gets murdered" in your review! Top 10 review lines ever. I hope you keep enjoying!
Date: November 22, 2020 12:43 pm Title: Chapter 2
Firstly, thank you for that picture of John.
Secondly, I LOVE how you added the detail of the squeaky laugh that we all know and love.
Thirdly, I’m seriously loving this so much. These characters are recognizable and familiar while still fitting in this setting and that’s impressive! I really can’t wait to keep reading! I’m definitely intrigued. :)
Author's Response: Isn't that picture great? Picture that Jim throughout this chapter and you'll be glad you did. And thank you so much! It's been tough to find a way to bring them all into this setting, so I'm so glad that you think it's working so far. I hope you keep enjoying!
Date: November 22, 2020 12:04 pm Title: Chapter 2
First of all, Pam + pre-raphaelite paintings are my favorite thing, and Jim thinking of her that way... just awww (here should have been that gif with fainting girls from 'Beauty and the Beast').
And I'm excited with the way you introduce characters and tell us their stories. There didn't happen much, but it feels so dynamic that you don't even notice the lack of action. And I love, love, love that immediate sympathy that appeared between Pam and Jim! Also, I fully realize that this of my delights will (most surely) be destroyed in the following chapters, but I was glad that Pam just works for Roy...
I'm looking forward to the next chapter with excitement and dread.
Author's Response: Don't you just love that pre-raphaelite comparison? I have a very beautiful, fair skinned, curly red-haired friend who was compared to one once and as soon as she told me about it I knew I'd find a way to work it into a story. I'm so glad to see that you liked it! And thank you so much for your compliments on this chapter--I know action wise it's not much and I worried that the exposition/narration would be boring to read, so I am so thankful that it wasn't. I will try to not break your heart too much with future chapters!
Date: November 22, 2020 11:24 am Title: Chapter 2
I feel like there are a lot of layers starting to be place here with this chapter. First of all it seems that Roy and Pam are not romantically involved. Though that still remains to be seen. Though my JAM loving heart does hope for that. The dinner party was very interesting to read. Taking a lot of the relationships from canon but twisting them around in order to facilitate this mystery is a ton of fun.
Jim being enchanted by Pam is at both sweet and at the same time a great way to add in mystery here. If he's that unaware of his surroundings simply by being near her, what kinds of clues and hints might he miss going forward?
Still doing a great job with this one. Really looking forward to where we go from here.
Date: November 21, 2020 11:08 am Title: Prologue
Wow, I love the Clue board game.
Seriously though, this one immediately grabbed me. The premise, the setup, the intrigue, it's all executed fantastically.
I wanna get into characterization because this was my favorite aspect of this piece.
- JIM: him being a reporter is brilliant. It works because he's an observer in canon, always has been from the show's start, so him being the one to analyze this nutty group of party guests makes total sense. There's also his professional relationship with Wallace, which I feel works with his constant aspirations for more than his given profession, and Wallace is giving him that chance despite his own ulterior motive of "I don't wanna see that Packer asshat."
- ERIN & RYAN: Again, perfect. Erin's shyness and need to answer to authority lines up with her early appearances in canon. And Ryan? Holding on to whatever limited power he has, thinking he's hot stuff and being rude and standoffish. Wonderful.
- ROY & PAM: even though they don't show up for long, it's great how you made Jim instantly fall for Pam the moment his eyes meet her. And her looking out through the landscape makes total sense given her aspirations as an artist; she wants to take in everything she can so she can replicate it with her brushes later. And Roy's boisterous arrival and propensity for alcohol are, well, all you really need for a Roy.
- AND THE REST: Their occupations, their profiles, and Jim's analysis of each one make me excited because it feels like these ARE the characters from the show, just in a different place and time. I especially love Phillip H's mention.
My only hope is that Pam isn't the killer. I'm not in the minority in that I want to see a happy ending, too, and I hope that she and a few others come out of this alive and able to recover. (I'm pretty sure that Jim was always gonna survive but, hey, been wrong before.)
I'm interested to see where this goes. Well done!
PS: If Kevin shows up as the head chef I'll be so happy.
PPS: Can't wait to see how Creed fits into all this if he does.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I love that the characterizations are standing out to you and that you think they're fitting as far as the characters we know. I definitely want them to feel familiar but true to the time and setting that I'm putting them in, so this means so much. I can't give anything away as to the ending/the killer/the murdered/how other characters come into play, so I hope that you keep enjoying and reading and are happy with the outcome!
Date: November 20, 2020 05:26 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh wow. Jim. Standing on a balcony. Swooning over Pam. Their eyes connecting for the briefest of moments?
Author's Response: Can't you just see it in your head? His arms braced on the railing, looking down at her as she took in her surroundings, the setting sun lighting things up with that golden glow. Just murder me (in Savannah).
Date: November 20, 2020 12:52 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh, BT I love this!! I’m totally hooked and ready to read more of it. I love the introduction of all the characters and the set up of them arriving is great. I have nothing more intelligent to say other than I’m so excited for this one!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I hope you keep enjoying!
Date: November 20, 2020 12:34 pm Title: Chapter 1
Okay, I'm already in love with this story and dying to know what happens next.
Also, I like your descriptions so much, and the roles you gave canon characters in your story seem to be perfect (and Erin is so cute here! Love her).
And somehow, but the little line "Jim smiled genially but not genuinely" excited me. As well as the last one...
Did I mention that I'm dying to know that happens next? ;)
Author's Response: I love that line too! I was pretty proud of it. And Erin has been so much fun to write, so I'm glad you like her as well! Thank you so much!
Date: November 20, 2020 11:35 am Title: Chapter 1
And sold again!
This is some lovely set-up. You've done a great job letting us experience the atmosphere and putting us in Jim's shoes, letting him see this decadent Southern mansion and the people who will be inhabiting it through his eyes. You've managed to give us a lot of the information we'll need without making it feel like an info dump.
I'm enjoying intrepid reporter Jim a lot, and the way you've managed to characterize everyone with minimal work. I feel like even without knowing who Packer is I'd have a strong sense of him just from the way Wallace and Erin and Ryan are talking about him.
And having Jim and Pam see each other for the first time while he's on a terrace outside a bedroom window? Oh, I see what you're up to. And I dig it.
(Is the driver Toby?)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Jim felt like a natural voice for this story, even though I have more experience writing from Pam's POV. It's been a fun challenge so far! And thank you for your compliments about the characterization, I've tried to make them fit into this world while still be people we recognize. And yeah, I couldn't not put him out on that balcony for their first look. Gotta throw that romantic terrace moment in there somewhere, why not do it right off the bat? Although we'll definitely see that balcony more as the story progresses. Toby is not the driver! We do meet Toby later on, but not yet. The driver isn't anybody we know from the show, just a reason to describe a deep south accent, haha!
Date: November 20, 2020 11:25 am Title: Chapter 1
I am SO excited for this. I was wondering where/when Pam was going to show up. I thought Erin was Pam at first before she introduced herself. I should have figured Pam would be showing up with Roy. I also can't wait for all of these questions to be answered at dinner. I'm so glad you're writing this and can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Questions will be answered at dinner, but likely not all of them...
Date: November 20, 2020 11:22 am Title: Chapter 1
Absolutly marvelous set up chapter. The descriptions of everything just pulled me right into this world and wouldn't let go. Jim's observations of everything and everyone were a treat to read about. I was kind of wondering where Pam would come into this world. Beautiful description of her. I also like that to start out with she ignores Roy and does her own little thing for a moment. Seemed like a subtle but important moment.
Can't wait to see where this leads us.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I hope you keep enjoying!
Date: November 20, 2020 11:09 am Title: Prologue
Ok so before I get into this story, I just want to say or maybe ask this. Should I feel bad that I hope its Packer who is the murder victim? Time will tell. Lets answer this invite shall we?
Author's Response: Can't give anything away! Guess you gotta keep reading, huh? :)
Date: November 20, 2020 11:05 am Title: Chapter 1
Ooooooh girl! This is good. So good. I love a historical romance, and the added mystery here is a huge bonus. Your descriptions are perfect - I actually felt warmer just reading your words. I love the creative descriptions of the guests as well. Cannot wait to see what happens next!
Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I'm so happy and honored to hear what kind of response you had. I hope you keep liking it and it says giving you warm feelings!