Date: January 05, 2021 11:07 pm Title: Chapter 9
Reviewing both chapters here.
Having ALL the characters coming into the fray was a damn treat. The various reactions, Dwight's resourcefulness, Michael being Michael, it was just so good. Your writing continues to be exquisite, painting a word picture I can perfectly visualize in my head. And Devon being the driver? Great touch.
SCHRUPERT ALLIANCE. What a fantastic way to get these two wise-asses to work together. They make an awesome pair and it'll be great seeing them do more for solving the mystery.
I'm not really comfortable writing or discussing explicit sexual content, but I will say the passage was extremely well-written, and a true demonstration of their love. And hell yeah to the Fancy Bees! She's earned her happiness.
I have a new guess. Not Toby (too obvious) nor Michael (quite a reach on my part)... but JIM. Why? Because of these two sentences:
"She was part of one of the most defining moments of his life, if not the very most. He’d think of her every day until his very last one."
These two sentences, while innocuous enough, imply that JAM somehow won't end up together in this. Now one could think of Pam since it was explicitly written, but I can't help but believe her. She's so meek and only now is she speaking her mind. But Jim? Throughout this entire story, Pam has taken over every facet of his life. He cannot focus on the story because of her. And he wants nothing more than to provide for her. How would he do that? Make it big in journalism. How would he do *that*? By publishing a story so big it'll rocket-launch his career. And murder SELLS, especially with a group of people who both had ties to and/or despised the victim. Why doesn't he speak to Pam? Guilt. Why is he so shaken by Todd's body? Guilt. Hell, maybe *he* may have been the one to trap them there, to begin with! And Roy? Well, he's a GONER.
As much as JAM is an enthralling representation of love (hence this site's existence), love can make people do downright crazy things. And if my suspicions are correct, this story will crescendo into probably one of the MOST DOWNER ENDINGS I've ever read on this site.
Good Lord, I'm not a patient person, and this is messing with me in the best way. Hopefully, a resolution comes sooner rather than later. Well done!
Date: January 05, 2021 10:34 pm Title: Chapter 9
So while I love a lot (everything) about this story; my absolute favorite moment is in this chapter and it has everything to do with Jim being all “oh I’m so manly, I don’t want to hurt/ruin you” and Pam literally digging her heels in and telling him to get on with it already.
That’s just... I love it, this whole story, and especially This Pam so much. Even if she’s probably maybe kind of definitely a murderer.
Date: January 05, 2021 10:04 pm Title: Chapter 9
That was one of the most exquisite sex scenes I've ever read on this site. I mean, just everything about it was perfect. The mood lighting, their desire for each other, the way they yield and push each other. Perfect, simply simply perfect.
Jim's letting Pam in now. I'm hopeful that means she's clear of suspicion, but let's face it as of right now the only one we know for 100% sure that didn't do it, is Jim.
Still with detective Dwight on one side and the Pam on the other side, seems like a good team to have to start unravel all of this.
By the way, did I mention how good that sex scene was? I just wanted to be clear. Par excellance. Damn I wish I still had some jellybeans to give this chapter.
Date: January 05, 2021 09:06 pm Title: Chapter 9
I love this moment of them reaching for each other at the same time. Also: "They looked so large against her delicate features and he was worried for a minute that she was breakable. That the intensity of how he felt would break her. That if she didn’t share in that intensity, it would break him." Wow.
I love the big speech and the big level-up in character from Pam here. This has been a shaking experience for her, and she's reacting accordingly.
I thought it was a good call to work some references to the sexual standards of the time into this very hot sex scene - this means something very different than it would for 2007 Jim and Pam, who had, you know, legal access to some things and were expected to have done other things.
Also, again: this is a great development in a love story set during a murder investigation. But this is also exactly what Pam would do in this situation if she WAS the murderer - seduce the investigator and then join the investigation. I've still got my eye on that Beesly character.
Date: January 05, 2021 08:56 pm Title: Chapter 8
And it all hits the fan. Very interesting way to get it so that they're all stuck at the house and unable to contact the authorities. I'm sure it was Packer's original intent to do as was described. Cut everyone off from their base of support.
The reactions of everyone seems very much in keeping. Excellent job with getting a lot of reactions for the initial news. Especially the shell sock Pam must feel.
I'm right there with Jim in the boat. You did a great job with all those descriptions. Likewise the team-up with Dwight. That could prove most interesting. Dwight's interesting brand of logic with this Jim's sense of ferreting out a story.
Then there at the end. Pam just barging into his room. Right in the middle of all his conflicting thoughts. And then what do you do? The 27 Seconds! Superb just superb. Even better that he lets he in and they lay together.
Date: January 05, 2021 08:22 pm Title: Chapter 9
You know what, in my hierarchy of needs, Jim and Pam getting it in on may just be the entire base of the pyramid.
“It made him feel as though something was squeezing his heart inside his chest and turned his stomach into a thousand sparking fireworks.” Oh. Oh. You want me dead, is that was this is? You have succeeded.
“That if she didn’t share in that intensity, it would break him.” Hard same. I too will be broken.
“forgotten that there was that knot in the thread that tied him to Pam” Girl. I am constantly in awe of how good your writing is.
I stand by my first sentence. This chapter was so, so good!
Date: January 05, 2021 06:59 pm Title: Chapter 9
Two chapters in one day? And you give us their first time together?! You truly spoil us, BT. Im so so so so glad that "fancy new Beesly" is making an appearance, deciding to ask for what she wants and going after it. Beautiful chapter, I loved it as always!!
Date: January 05, 2021 06:37 pm Title: Chapter 8
"although now that I’m looking at you it is clear that you lack the upper body strength to successfully strangle a man of Todd Packer’s size" hmmm must not be Jack Ryan Jim then huh? Shame.
Now that we've got that out of the way--I am 1000% HERE FOR JIM AND DWIGHT COLD CASE FILES. YES. YES. YES. PLEASE.
Pam? A murderer? Damn what a plot twist that would be if he was the one to put her behind bars at the end. I mean, I wouldn't hate it.
Date: January 05, 2021 06:18 pm Title: Chapter 7
Oh. Oh wow. How do you take something so utterly sad and make it poetic? My heartstrings. They are being PLAYED so ELEGANTLY.
I love though how strong you have made Pam in this entire saga. She's a working woman, doing whatever she can for her family, standing up to the wicked men in her life.
(kissing Jim first)
We LOVE a good strong female lead.
"He would have walked on broken glass or hot coals --"
See here's the thing. You are so delicately and artfully plucking items from the show and weaving them like little easter eggs. This was so beautiful.
Face. Down. In. The. Lake.
Have I mentioned how friggen invested I am in the MURDER MYSTERY of this?
Date: January 05, 2021 06:01 pm Title: Chapter 6
Listen. The fact that you can take a world of characters from a television show about an office and plop them into Savannah, Georgia in the 40s and make them so *in character* but so *its own world* baffles me (not really, because you are amazing).
Literally. Like I know that Jim is Jim and Kevin is Kevin and Creed is Creed but also, they're in their own world? Is this making sense?? Maybe I'm just crazy.
Anyway, you are a masterful world creator and I'm so invested in the *murder plot* that I forgot that this was a Jam story until, ya know, she just *snuck into his room in the middle of the night and asked to be held.*
Date: January 05, 2021 04:39 pm Title: Chapter 8
Okay, but Dwight rushing to Angela is making me feel things & maybe I’m just a Dwangela shipper at heart.
“resonated in Jim’s mind the way that a gunshot would, loud and brash and ricocheting off of everything else” BT, your writing is brilliant. I can never say it enough.
“face to blue-tinged face with death” Girl. This. Utter brilliance.
“As had most of Jim’s plans for the week, and likely the plans for the rest of Jim’s life.” Oh cool. That’s chill. Super chill. We’re all fine here.
“He also felt sure that she was guilty of murder.” Nope. Don’t like that. What I do like is how wonderfully you’ve written it. Jim’s warring thoughts about the scoop of a lifetime v. his newfound devotion to Pam. Ugh. It’s so good.
Date: January 05, 2021 04:06 pm Title: Chapter 8
First of all, I agree with DJC, we need a series of Dwight and Jim, bickering detectives. That was so perfectly done. Exactly how difficult Dwight would be in that situation.
This chapter had a lot of big scenes and I could totally imagine all of them thanks to your descriptions.
I love that Jim and Pam are sleeping together without really talking about it. They're just there to comfort each other which is so beautiful.
Date: January 05, 2021 02:36 pm Title: Chapter 8
Okay, first things first: I absolutely love the idea of Dwight and Jim, bickering detectives. That should be an entire new series on its own. Just Dwight and Jim, forced to work together to solve murders in different eras while Jim finds different ways to fall in love with Pam.¬†
Also, I love that you made this a classic locked room mystery - complete with getting rid of the horses coming back to back to bite them.
The scene of them learning the news was well done. Roy's reactions to everything in this chapter make feel very suspicious, but he seems like too obvious a¬†candidate to be the murderer. (It has to be the person you medium suspect, after all... although it would be an interesting twist if Roy killed Packer for sexually assaulting Pam.) Of course Meredith's first instinct is to grab reaction Michael's reaction is pitch perfect. I'm also going to go out on a limb and say if Meredith or Stanley had murdered him they probably wouldn't be talking about how Packer got murdered because he was an asshole.
I'm also really glad you gave Jim this moment of doubt about Pam - in another project, those suspicions could easily be valid. I thought it was a good choice to see him make the connection that she was the last person to see Packer alive and not immediately go into savior mode.
"As had most of Jim’s plans for the week, and likely the plans for the rest of Jim’s life. He felt inexorably linked to her now. Every day from now on would be marked as ‘after’ and all the days that had preceded it ‘before.’ She was part of one of the most defining moments of his life, if not the very most. He’d think of her every day until his very last one." This is breath-taking.
Date: January 05, 2021 01:07 pm Title: Chapter 8
I KNEW IT. I knew Jim would think Pam was guilty. I guess that was probably a given but I dont care lol. But I really don't think she did it. If she did, good on you, BT. You fooled me. But geez, I really have no idea who did it. I feel like the most obvious are Creed and Toby, and then I really don't think Jim or Pam did it. I don't think Dwight did it either, but he's higher on my sus list than Jim and Pam. I need the next chapter asap as possible please.
Date: December 30, 2020 06:41 pm Title: Chapter 7
Ooooof. This is brutal. They’ve fallen for each other and are totally trapped. It’s lovely to see them being honest with each other, but they’re in a situation well beyond the power of honesty or bravery to resolve. And yet they’re reaching out for each other anyways. This was just really nicely developed and came together well.
So. If I’ve got my facts straight here, it seems an awful lot like Pam might’ve been the last person to see Packer alive. While having a loud argument with him in which he used physical force on her. I was thinking last chapter that in another world you could see Pam as a femme fatale in this story, ensnaring Jim in a murder investigation when Roy turns up dead. Now I’m actually pretty worried at an increasingly plausible scenario in which *Pam* is falsely accused of murder.
Date: December 29, 2020 04:18 am Title: Chapter 7
This is an epic romance and I am here for it. This, holy god, BT, this is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read:
“They relished in that moment for a precious few seconds, their mutual acknowledgement of how they felt about the other blanketing them in the warmth and security that new love can bring despite how uncertain it so often is.”
“They couldn’t.” OOF.
“she kissed him first” Yes, get it girl.
Nothing ends a very good first make out session quite like a bloated corpse...
So here’s the thing. I’m very mad at myself that it took me so long to catch up with this story, but I’m also going to need you to update it like yesterday. Please and thank you.
Date: December 29, 2020 04:05 am Title: Chapter 6
BT, I am honestly in awe of the backstory that you‘be built for all the characters that somehow fits into this universe, but also keeps so true to their original characterizations.
I mean: “I told them I was good at bookkeeping but I made some mistakes”
And this is like exhibit 30. Awe I tell you. Straight up awe.
“Jim’s brain felt like someone had taken a puzzle and emptied the box inside, and now he had to pick through the pieces and make sure they were turned picture-side up and separate the edges from the interior.” Perfect analogy is perfect.
“my mung beans” Okay, like I said above. Awe.
“It was a color somewhere between blue and violet” Oh. So it’s going to be like that, huh...
Stop. How are you giving me the one bed in a hotel room trope?! I can’t even begin to bear it.
Date: December 29, 2020 03:46 am Title: Chapter 5
“I don’t know how they plan their parties down here.” This made me smile. It’s such a sweet nod to the PPC.
You know, I’m so wrapped up in this story that I totally forgot someone is going to get murdered at some point. The intrigue of everyone’s dealings with Packer and why he’s invited them there in the first place is already so intriguing.
“a windmill of gangly limbs” Well, this a delightful image.
“He could have sworn he felt his heart explode before stitching itself back into the shape of her.” I’m sorry, but what the actual fuck, BT?! This is PERFECTION.
“Jim didn’t know it yet, but the next time he saw Packer it would be too late.” Ooooh, more intrigue...
Date: December 29, 2020 03:31 am Title: Chapter 4
Holy unresolved sexual tension. BT, I am dying. The way you write their chemistry is so damn good. Jim all soggy & very Mr Darcy & Pam checking him out? The way I’m DEAD.
“I wish that you really could.” Ahhh.
I’m past coherent words. It’s just my jaw dropping open in awe of how good you are at the writing from here on out...
“She rolled her eyes with textbook technique.” This is such a perfect Kelly introduction. I adore her.
“what has two thumbs” Oh. So Packer is still going to be Packer, huh. Thanks, I hate him. (And you’ve totally nailed him and I am very impressed).
“Jim..othy?” Michael. Oh Michael. How is he so ridiculous and so endearing all at once.
“Sometimes I just don’t get Roy.” BT. Girl. I wasn’t expecting this seamless intertwining of canon & I am destroyed. It’s so, so good.
“so scared to break the threads that wove this moment together because he knew that there’d be no stitching them back one they were severed.” I’m done. This is too beautiful. I’m out of words. I just —
“not a bad day” HOW DARE YOU
Date: December 28, 2020 08:59 am Title: Chapter 7
And it begins.
Yeah, I'm with Dernhelm. Not saying it's definitely Toby but I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest. But I have another theory: *Michael*. I mean, he's financially dependant on him but they are shown to be the best of friends. Though I suspect there's something more to their personal relationship (and I'm curious if it involves Holly). I wouldn't think Michael would kill anyone else, mind you, he seems to be a standup guy. Packer, though? Nah, he'd kill the bastard.
Also, thank the GOD Lord the man's a corpse now. I mean, Packer was always an a-hole, but add the opportunistic business mogul layer on top of that and you have a truly despicable character. The fact that he was the one who hurt Pam was something I admittedly didn't see coming, and I'm curious where Roy was during all this. (Did he *allow* Packer to do this to her?) I personally think Jim's response is rather harsh, but it makes sense: he's hurt, he's confused, he has a million running thoughts, and the last thing he needs is to be strung along, especially considering the story he wants to cover that'll no doubt advance his career. Pam opening up about her reasoning and being brave enough to establish their love with the kiss was extremely satisfying; it gives her a moment of courage, something I'm sure she'll demonstrate more of. Her backstory is insanely upsetting, and I hope that there's at least some form of compensation for her when this is all over so her and Jim can have a modest living arrangement but still be in love.
A succinct chapter that's getting me intrigued. Well done!
Date: December 27, 2020 05:03 pm Title: Chapter 3
Hi, hello, thank you kindly for the detailed imagery of Savannah Jim’s night clothes (or lack there of). Bless.
“his heart threatened to permanently take up residence in his throat.” So beautiful.
The chemistry. Oh good god, the chemistry.
“His heart had pieced itself back together, gone from butterflies to a ball of lead that was falling, falling, falling.” Ugh. Could that picture of Roy... not...
No, no, no. “I can’t say no.”
“How much more feeling could he develop for her over the course of a week?” Umm. I have my fingers crossed for a lot of feeling.
Pam is already pranking Dwight? It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just a little in love with both Savannah Pam and Savannah Jim.
Date: December 27, 2020 03:53 pm Title: Chapter 7
For a comparatively shorter chapter, this packs all sorts of punch. Jim's anger feels very real. Not only to the situation, but to his character. Something happens and he stews on it, over analyzes it, and comes up with a seeming logical but wrong conclusion. Which of course leads him to blowing up at Pam. Now it also feels like there's a shred of truth to his frustration, but the reality of Pam's plight quickly erases what's going on.
I love that Pam doesn't run away in the face of Jim's anger. She's very quickly gained the courage to open up to him. Especially with dual revelations that they have romantic feelings for the other one. Even without the ending of this chapter, that would be a mess of a situation to wade through.
Even more admiration to Pam for the one to initiate the kiss. Grab ahold of Jim while you can and don't let go. Beautiful image there.
And there's Packer, face down in the lake. Nice to see that speculation so far has proved correct. However many people have motive to see Packer meet his demise. The opportunity is there too. Lots of people gathered in a large house off the beaten path. Now it comes a tale of who had the means to pull off the deed. All the set up to this moment means there's already a lot of ways this can go and I'm sure we're still in for a wild ride.
Date: December 27, 2020 02:32 pm Title: Chapter 2
“someone he didn’t actually know but was now referring to as “the woman of his dreams” in his inner monologue” Weird, because maybe I’m having similar thoughts about Savannah Jim...
“Jim said a quick prayer for the strength that would be necessary to make it through dinner.” I love that Andy and Dwight are still Andy and Dwight. All your set up of them made me chuckle.
Excuse me. Squeaky giggling? I’m —
There were so many snippets of brilliance within the greater brilliance. The little nods to canon were perfectly executed.