I don't own em, no copyright infringement intended. 

Pam curled up on her couch under her warmest blanket and hugged her knees like a child.   Wiping back a few lingering tears, she thought back on the events of the evening.  A happy hour with the office sounded like so much fun.  She felt so excited to be able to be a part of the gang without having to ask permission. 

She was very proud of herself that Roy actually came to Poor Richards just because she asked him to.  For once, it seemed like he really wanted to be there with her, instead of acting like he was just killing time until he could hang out with his buddies.  Pam had started to believe that maybe he could be the man she was looking for.  It had been such a long time since they flirted together, since he made her giggle with excitement.  But nevertheless there he was, Roy, acting just like, well, Jim.  Maybe there was hope after all.  Maybe they could actually give their relationship another try.   Maybe it could work.

It all went so wrong, so fast.  She had been feeling guilty for months because she left him so suddenly and she never truly told him what caused the break-up.  She had explained she didn’t want to get married, that she wanted new things, that she didn’t think that she wanted to stay with him anymore.  He asked her time and again, what changed?  She could never bring herself to tell him.  She hated disappointing people, hating the feeling that she could cause someone else pain.  There was no way she could tell him that Jim had shown her that there was more to love than what they had together.  He showed her everything with a million thoughtful gestures and a single amazing kiss.

All that seemed so far away now.  Jim was with Karen and she really wanted to have an honest relationship with Roy - even if the truth hurt.  She wanted to do what was right, not just what was easy. 

True to form, to his old form, Roy didn’t want to listen to her.   He didn’t even give her a chance to explain about that night, or about Jim.  How many nights did she sit in their small apartment and listen to his pathetic excuses?  How many times did she overlook the fact that he had leered at some girl in a bar?  How many times did she make excuses for his behavior with her co-workers?  Her cheeks burned red at the idea that she gave him so many chances, ten years worth, and he didn’t give her one when she needed him to.

What hurt more than anything was that Pam never truly believed Roy was a violent man, but now she wasn’t so certain.  She had seen her whole life flash before her eyes in that moment, and she ran straight to her car. When she got in she locked the doors and put her head on the steering wheel.  She sat there for a few moments in shock, watching as her co-workers also fled the bar, each one shaking their heads in disbelief.  She was crying when she turned the ignition, but she wouldn’t break down in that parking lot, she held it together until she got home. 

As soon as she turned the lock on her front door, the sobs came.  She violently cried out all the frustration and anger and humiliation from the evening.  She turned on the water in her shower until it was nearly scalding.  She stepped under the spray, the heat was shocking at first and then comforting.  She stayed in the shower for 30 minutes as if to wash away all remnants of him and this horrible night. 

When she dried off and put on her favorite pajamas, she curled up on her couch and watched David Letterman.  She pulled her favorite blanket tightly around her and felt so warm and safe.  She dreaded going to work on Monday.  Everyone would be talking about the fight.  What would Jim think of her?  Would he ask her about it or just continue avoiding her?  Would he smugly think to himself that he’d known all along the kind of man that Roy was?  Would he feel anything?  She fell asleep on the couch with her thoughts and fears racing through her head.

Disclaimer:  I don't own these characters, just write about them.  Sigh.  No copyright infrigement intended, don't sue me!   

Monday morning came too soon for Pam.  She spent the entire weekend watching old movies, taking long showers, and painting.  At least one good thing came out of her altercation with Roy:  she was painting again, and this time with real emotion.  The piece she was working on was full of bold colors and dramatic strokes, symbolizing to her the intense fear, pain and anger she felt towards Roy.  Normally, she hid herself in her art, drawing cautious little drawings of inanimate objects, but this piece was anything but safe.  She couldn’t wait to show it to her art teacher; she knew he would be so proud of her improvement.

As she got dressed for the workday she took her time.  She carefully picked out an outfit and did a good job on her make-up.  Unlike so many other times, she wasn’t trying to look pretty for Jim.  She just wasn’t in a hurry to get to the office. She really didn’t want to face everyone today.  They all saw her altercation with Roy.  Everyone stared at her like she was so pathetic for being with him, like they felt sorry for her.  They all looked horrified by Roy’s violent actions, and she felt humiliated - like she had some responsibility for him.  She knew she wasn’t responsible, but it felt that way.  She blew out her hair, and put on a soft pink turtleneck sweater and a black skirt.  She ran through her shoe options.  Flats, of course, heels, uncomfortable.  Knee high black boots Kelly made her buy? 

“Those are perfect for how I’m feeling.”  Pam said quietly to herself. 

She put on the boots feeling braver just because of the way they felt on her feet.  She gave herself and once over in the mirror.

“At least I don’t look like a pathetic loser with a psychotic ex.”

She smiled sadly as she tears welled up.  She was silently grateful that she used waterproof mascara.  Once she had no other excuse, she got in her car and started making her way to work. 

Her cell phone rang on the way there.  She saw the caller id and her heart sank.  It was Roy.

She was still exhausted and emotionally drained, but she didn’t want to hide from him anymore.  She was better than that now.  She sighed as she answered it, “Hello?”

“Hello Pam.”  Roy was still angry.  She could tell because of the chill in his tone and because he rarely called her Pam unless he was really mad. 

“You left your wrap thing at my house after the wedding.  I’m going to bring it up to the office along with a few other things I found.  I don’t want any of your things in my house anymore.”

“That’s fine with me Roy.”  She surprised herself with the firmness in her voice.  “I’ll meet you in the parking lot at lunch.”

“Scared of me coming in the office are you?  Scared I’ll run into your little boyfriend Halpert?”

He was baiting her on purpose, trying to provoke a fight.  Truthfully, she was terrified he would do something to Jim, so she responded cautiously trying not excite him any further. 

“Jim’s not my boyfriend.  He’s dating someone else. I just don’t want you making a scene.” 

“I’ll bring your stuff to you wherever or whenever I want to, Pam.”

She took a deep breath and decided to try once more to explain herself to Roy.  She didn’t want to be with him anymore, but she just wanted him to understand.  “Roy, I loved you a lot of my life, and you’re a great guy, but we clearly aren’t meant for each other.  It doesn’t have to end this way.  We can still be friends.”

 “How can you say that Pam?  What does that even mean, we’re not meant for each other?  You know that I told all the guys that we got back together!  What do I tell them now, that I was wrong?  That we’re just friends now?  That you’re in love with Jim Halpert and the whole thing was going right on under my nose?  They kept telling me to watch him and I didn’t because I trusted you, but obviously I was wrong.  Do you know how humiliated I am?  Again?”  Roy bellowed into the phone and Pam had to pull over.

“I know, I’m sorry I really am.  I should have told you this summer.  I’ve handled this whole thing so badly.  But it wasn’t about him Roy, it was about us!”

Pam hated that she couldn’t stop the quivering in her voice and she was glad he couldn’t see the tears running down her cheeks.  She took a deep breath and kept talking.

“I’d been unhappy for a long time Roy, it didn’t just start last spring.  I’m tired of being the person everyone wants me to be.  It’s time I started being the person I want to be.”

“Well that’s just great Pam!  Great.  You go on drawing pathetic pictures of staplers and answering phones for your little boyfriend and his stupid friends.  When did you turn into this person, Pam? Frankly, I’m not sure I like what you’ve become!”

“Fine.  Lucky for you, you’ll never have to see me again.”  She said flatly and she hung up the phone. 

She pulled back out into traffic as the phone started to ring again.  It was him again, he clearly intended to drive her insane.  She couldn’t talk to him anymore, what was left to say?  She was still fighting back tears and her heart started beating in her throat.  She would not allow him to continue to dominate her life and she  felt like she needed to do something drastic.  She rolled down her window and threw her cell phone out into traffic.  She looked in her rearview as the car behind her run over her little pink phone and she laughed a little through her tears.

“I can’t believe just did that.”  She said to herself. “I think I’ve lost my mind.  Maybe it’s the boots.”

Disclaimer:  Still don't own em, still wish I did.  No copyright infringement intended, not for all the jelly beans in scranton. 

As she pulled into the parking lot, Pam took a quick look around.  Roy wasn’t there yet.  She breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she got her things together to go inside.  Despite her little rebellious act with the phone, she felt quite like a house of cards. If Roy pushed her too far in person she was afraid she would crumble, and she didn’t want to do that, not again. 

She also looked quickly to the area where Jim usually parked, and thankfully he wasn’t in either.   She flat out could not deal with watching Jim be all lovey-dovey with Karen without a full pot of tea.  She had tried to be strong, be indifferent about the fact that Jim and Karen were dating.  But at this point, her life was such a mess that she was barely holding on.  She could deal with Roy, but Roy, Jim and Karen, that was too much.  She needed a little time to regroup. 

She walked in the office, grateful that only a few people had made it in already.  She put her things away and went into to the break room to start the coffee.  As she started the machine brewing, she reached for her teapot and heard someone behind her clear his throat.  Her stomach knotted up with nervousness as she turned to see who it was that wanted to talk to her.  For once, she was actually relieved that it was Dwight.  After all, he wasn’t there Friday night, he wouldn’t know to ask her about Roy.

“Good Morning, Dwight.”

“Good Morning, Pam.  May I speak with you privately?”

“Well we’re in the kitchen, so that may be as private as we’re gonna get.”  She laughed under her breath at his formal tone.

“I have a delicate matter I would like to discuss with you.  A private matter.”  He whispered the last part to her, and her skin started to crawl.  She worried he was going to open up to her about Angela and she really didn’t want any intimate details there.  If it wasn’t about Angela, she was even more worried about why he would take such a familiar tone with her.

She turned to face him.  “Um, okay.  Is this an appropriate workplace conversation Dwight?  Would Toby approve?  Should we check some kind of handbook?”

He stepped closer to her and she was surprised at the look she found in his eyes.  He looked worried, maybe even fearful, but why?  Then she connected the dots.  Angela was at the bar and she told Dwight what happened.  Her stomach turned again as he leaned in close so no one else could hear his words.

“A, um, “friend” told me what happened at Poor Richards on Friday.  Did he harm you?  Did he strike you?  Domestic violence is a serious issue Pam, and I do have extensive martial arts training, as you know.  Should I go make sure that he knows not to come near you again?”

Pam was shocked and had no idea how to respond.  She knew that Dwight was a good guy somewhere deep deep deep down under all the awkwardness and annoying tendencies.  But to have him stand there, concerned about her, ready to defend her virtue…. it was just too much.  She started to cry, again. 

“Thank you, that’s sweet.  But I’m fine.  Can we just drop it?”  She choked out.

Without hesitation he pulled out his handkerchief and handed it to her.  As she saw Jim walking into the office with Karen, her house of cards crumbled a little, and she leaned into Dwight's shoulder.

"Pam?"  Dwight started but Pam put her hand up to silence him. 

"I'm just PMSing again."  She said quietly.  And he understood.

Disclaimer:  I sadly don't own these characters and no copyright infringement is intended.  Just a little JAM therapy.

Chapter 4

Jim walked in with Karen dreading the upcoming week.  He absolutely hated Mondays nowadays.  The office had not been the most pleasant place for him the last few weeks, now that Pam and Roy were back together.  Ever since he came back from Stamford, he felt like he just didn’t belong any more.  On the bright side, Karen had been fun this weekend and Jim didn’t feel like he was under her constant scrutiny any longer.  She had reminded him at the party that she could be clever and playful, although, it still felt sort of mechanical to him.  Technically, all the pieces were there, she was pretty and smart, not to mention she actually wanted him.  He loved the fact that she pursued him, instead of him following her around like a puppy.  Maybe he just needed a little more time.  He was embarrassed to admit that this was the most work he had ever put into a relationship, at least the most work for a girl who was actually his girlfriend.

Out of habit, he looked back at the reception desk to see if Pam was in yet.   He wondered if she was late because she’d had such a great weekend with Roy.  Maybe she couldn’t pull herself away from him to come in.  He had to admit that Pam being so disgustingly happy with Roy drove him crazy.  He felt the familiar pangs of jealousy and sighed heavily out of frustration.  He looked over at Karen sitting at her desk and forced all thoughts of Pam to the back of his mind.  He was with Karen now, and he was finally starting to feel happy again.  He had to be strong to avoid falling back into that familiar place with Pam; he wouldn’t allow himself to pine for her just to be rejected again. 

He settled into his chair and looked around the office taking a mental roll call.  Dwight wasn’t in yet which seemed strange; he was compulsively on time everyday.  He made a mental note to draft a tardy slip from Michael and leave it on Dwight’s desk.  Kelly was hovering over Ryan and they seemed to be having an intense conversation.  Toby walked by him to Pam’s desk and left something on her keyboard.  Everyone in the office seemed on edge somehow; there was definitely tension in the air.  He thought perhaps Michael had announced a team building exercise before he got there, that would explain the atmosphere. 

“Morning Toby.”  Jim said politely as he walked by.  “Help you with something?”   

He couldn’t help it, despite all his willpower, he did wonder what kind of note Toby would leave for Pam. 

“No, just wanted to see if Pam’s weekend turned out alright.”   

He turned from Jim to walk back to his desk.  Jim shrugged his shoulders accepting the fact that while Toby’s concern for Pam’s weekend didn’t make a lot of sense, nothing around here made sense.  He waited for Toby to get back to his desk and Jim casually walked up to reception and peered over at the note.  In Toby’s overly cautious print, he had written,

 Pam,

 Is everything ok?  Let me know if you need anything.

 Toby

 Jim scrunched up his face and tried to figure out what Toby was talking about.  Hadn’t they all gone to happy hour?  Did something happen there?  He walked absentmindedly to the kitchen for coffee.  Halfway there he noticed that Dwight was in the break room talking to someone, but he couldn’t see who it was.  As he walked in the door Pam stepped away from Dwight and walked quickly into the ladies room with her head down.

“Dwight, what’s going on?” 

Disclaimer:  I sadly don't own these characters, and no copyright infringement is intended.  But it is fun to dream. 

Jim’s first instinct was to run after Pam and hold her in his arms until that look of worry and sadness melted away.  But he knew he had to try to keep his distance for his own sake. Something was in the air this morning, and it wasn’t good.  Trying to maintain a normal calm demeanor, Jim said, “Everything okay in here?”

“Jim.  Pam and I were just discussing a confidential matter.” 

Pam had asked Dwight not to say anything to anyone and he struggled to keep that oath while talking to Jim.  He turned away to face the vending machine, avoiding Jim’s thinly veiled look of concern.  Even though he had purposefully tried to not be such a part of Pam’s life, Jim hated being so completely excluded that Dwight knew something about Pam that he didn’t.  It was maddening.  He picked out a cup from the cabinet and said,  

“Seriously, Dwight, everyone seems on edge today.  Are we having more sexual harassment training, or something?”  

Dwight was hardly listening as he mulled over the pros and cons of telling Jim about Roy.  He looked at his reflection in the vending machine as he tried to rationalize breaking his promise to Pam.  Pro: Jim and Pam were friends and Pam needed friends right now.  Con: She asked him not to say anything.  Pro: If Roy was as dangerous as Angela had said, than Pam needed all the help she could get.  Con: The Schrutes were men of their word.  Dwight could not understand how he allowed himself to become so involved in such emotional matters.  He said, almost to himself,

“Women are most dangerous; they can trap you with their tears.  I know this from experience.” 

He looked up at Jim and met his confused glare. “What are you talking about?”   

“I’m concerned about Pam’s health.  Women are emotional beings, especially at certain parts of their cycle.  But Pam’s cycles are out of sync, if my calculations are correct  - and they are – I assure you - , Pam shouldn’t be experiencing these symptoms for another 13 days.”   

“Dwight, what the hell?  How would you know that?”  Jim shot back at Dwight, frustrated and frankly a little embarrassed at this whole discussion.  He followed up quietly, “Never mind, I don’t want to know.” 

“I know this because when we were doing inventory, I caught Pam crying alone  in the hallway.” 

Jim jerked his head up to listen carefully to what Dwight was saying.  He never knew that Pam was upset that day, she had seemed fine to him.

Dwight continued, “I sat with her of course, Schrute men are gentlemen.  It must have been PMS.  But it’s too early for it to be PMS now, and she’s just as emotional and upset.”  Jim didn’t know what to say.  In fact he felt like an ass for all the demeaning comments he had made about Dwight lately.  Even though he was weird and goofy, and yes totally creepy, Dwight was in this kitchen worried about Pam, comforting her when she cried, and Jim had been out at his desk trying to move on and ignore her out of spite.  Obviously, she felt like she couldn’t come to him, even now when she needed him most. 

“Look everyone is walking on egg shells out there, did something happen this weekend?  At the happy hour?” 

Dwight didn’t want to break his word to Pam, but women were not known for thinking clearly at times like this.  Dwight decided that it wouldn’t blemish the Schrute name too much to let Jim in on what happened on Friday. 

Dwight said in a hushed tone as he looked both ways and leaned into Jim, “Roy and Pam got into a quarrell.  My source, who shall remain nameless, told me he defaced the bar, destroyed numerous items and yelled at Pam, throwing glasses, breaking furniture.  Pam just told me they broke up.  A man shouldn’t treat a woman like that.  After all they are the weaker sex.”  

Despite the fact that he was speaking as if he was James Bond, Jim couldn’t even think of making a joke.  He wondered how alone she must have felt on Friday, coming home from the bar shaken and afraid.  He wished he had been there with her that night.  He wasn’t shocked that Roy would be violent, but violent with Pam?  He frankly felt a little sick to his stomach.  He could feel the anger building up inside of him and he involuntarily clenched his fists.  How dare Roy treat Pam this way, again?  Didn’t he know how lucky he was to just have her in his life?     

As Pam came out of the ladies room, Dwight backed away from his huddle with Jim and walked out to his desk.  Jim didn’t move, in fact he felt like he couldn’t move from where he was standing; all he could do was look at her.  She looked beautiful today, even if her eyes were a little swollen.  The silence was heavy with all the things they both wanted to say but couldn’t. 

“Hey Beesly,” he said in the most casual tone he could summon up, “How’d it go on Friday?” 

“Oh you know, same old Poor Richards, same old Roy.”  Pam laughed wryly at her little joke, and went over to get her teapot.  She stood next to Jim, but didn’t meet his gaze.   

When she finally looked up at him he said tenderly, “What happened?” 

She weighed her options, play it off as nothing or tell Jim what happened, including what she said to Roy that set him off.  “C’mon Pam this is what friends do.”  He raised his eyebrows and motioned the space between them, “So spill it.” 

“You’ll want to sit for this.”  She said matter of factly.  Her stomach tightened up at the prospect of telling this to him, but she was going to do it.  It was secrets that had gotten her in this mess, and she was done.  Jim walked over and sat  down at the table looking up at her expectantly.   “Jim, on Friday, I told Roy…..” 

Jim looked at her very supportively, silently telling her that he would always be here for her.  He hadn’t looked at her like that in quite sometime and it took her breath away for a moment.   

“Ok, Pam you can do this.”  She said under breath.  Telling off Roy, crying on Dwight’s shoulder while he rambled on about PMS, both seemed really easy in comparison to coming clean with Jim.   

Jim heard her little pep talk to herself and thought it was adorable.  He could feel himself backsliding in his resolve to stay cold to her.  But she was there for him when he needed someone to talk to about Karen; he had to be a strong enough man to be her friend when she needed him.    He knew when this conversation was over, he would go back to his desk and keep pretending, keep working on moving on.  He waited patiently, and said quietly, “Pam, its just me.” 

She laughed under her breath as if that was the understatement of the year.  Smoothing out her skirt, she sat down next to him.  As she let out a long breath, she started, “Jim, the other night I told Roy about…….that night….. the kiss,”  she looked up and saw that Jim was surprised at what she was saying.  She started to panic when she saw his expression.  It was unreadable, was he mad? Scared? She to started to babble and as the words came out faster she stopped worrying about what she was saying, “about how I kissed you.  And about how you had feelings and I had feelings too…”  

She needed him to say something, anything.  But he sat there looking at her as if he didn’t understand what she was telling him.  He seemed to reach for her hand, and then pulled his hand back to run through his hair.  He was pretty sure she was getting ready to tell him something he really needed to hear, and he didn’t want this moment to slip away like all the others.  But he was terrified.  If he allowed himself to go down this road again and it didn’t work out he would never recover.  Not to mention Karen….. 

Suddenly, the door opened and Angela stood in the doorway, “Pam, Roy’s here to see you.” 

“That figures.”  She said with a roll of her eyes as she flew up out of the chair and away from Jim.  “You should stay here.”  She said quietly as she walked out to meet Roy. 

“Yeah, I’m thinking I won’t do that.”  Jim said to her back as he followed her out to where Roy was waiting. 

Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters, and no copyright infringement is intended.   

Pam walked out of the break room, trying to calm her nerves.  She had just started to tell Jim everything; she had finally worked up the courage, when Roy showed up.   Seriously, was the universe against her telling Jim how she felt?   

Now she had to face Roy, standing territorially over her reception desk with a banker’s box presumably full of her things.  Never did she think it would all come down to angry words and the hostile exchange of her personal belongings.   Roy had always been solid, predictable (even if in a bad way), but never did she expect that he would want her out of his life.  There was something vaguely comforting to her knowing he was always there, willing to take her back.  It was her choice.  Even though she knew she didn’t want to be with him anymore, she always knew she didn’t have to be alone.  All she had to do was say the word. 

But now the damage was finally done, and it brought with it a strange combination of relief and sadness.  This really was so over.  Looking at him, his features still hardened in anger, it was like looking at a movie theater once the lights finally come up.  It just wasn’t the place it once seemed to be; Roy wasn’t the person he once seemed to be.   

As she closed the distance between them, she took a deep breath, slowly exhaling through her nose, willing herself to calm down.  She had to get Roy out of this office.  She didn’t want her last words to him, angry or otherwise, to be in front of Creed and Kevin, and everyone else.  And more than that, she didn’t want him to see Jim and get any crazy ideas.  This whole thing was her fault and if it wound up hurting Jim she’d never forgive herself. 

“Roy.”  As she stepped closer to him she lowered her voice, “I told you that I’d meet you outside.  I don’t want to do this here.” 

“Tough Pam. As much as you don’t want an audience of your coworkers, I don’t want an audience of mine.  You know the guys have a pretty clear view of that parking lot.”   

She shuddered a little at the very idea that the parking lot was within such a clear view of the warehouse.   

“Are those my things?”  She walked around to her desk, not realizing that by moving out of the way, she revealed to Roy the one person he was really interesting in talking to.  She was looking down at her desk sorting through the messages and smiling at Toby’s note, when she realized that Roy hadn’t answered her. “Roy?” 

She looked up at him and saw that his attention was focused on the doorway to the break room.  Following his line of sight, she saw Jim walking toward them.  She shut her eyes tight and thought, “Please don’t let this be happening, please make it stop.” 

Jim was intent on making his way to Roy, although he was very unclear as to what he planned to do one he got there.  He hadn’t gotten in an actual fight with another guy since sixth grade gym class.  But he was not going to let Roy come in here and screw with Pam anymore.  Whether he was just her friend, or if he was more than that, he was tired of this guy.  Tired of the way he carelessly treated Pam.  Tired of this whole ridiculous situation and if Roy was spoiling for a fight, he would be ready.  His eyes drifted for just a moment and caught Pam’s face, horrified and frightened, and he paused.  He didn’t want his selfish need to pummel Roy to hurt Pam, and he could visibly see the stress this was causing her.   

Jim consciously placed his hands at his sides as if to tell Roy, I’m just here to talk.  In fact he didn’t want to talk, but out of respect for Pam he would try. “Everything ok here Roy?” 

Roy leaned in close practically spitting his words at Jim, “Yeah big fucking joke, everything’s great.  Fucking terrific.  I knew it, knew the first time I saw you with her, it was no good, but you make a pass at her a freaking month before our wedding?  You’ve got a lot of nerve, Halpert!” 

Jim took a deep breath and responded calmly and quietly, “Roy this isn’t really the place to do this.   Yes, you’re right it was rotten timing and I’m sorry for screwing things up for you.    But Pam works here, so why don’t we move this outside.” 

Jim kept his voice low and glanced over his shoulder long enough to see that Karen had in fact taken notice of the situation in reception.  He never told her that Pam was engaged, or that she was engaged to Roy.  He sensed that there would be another series of late night conversations, assuming they were still together at the end of all this.  Jim noticed that he was no longer sure he cared if they stayed together anymore. 

“We were happy, we had 10  years!  How dare you!  So you weren’t happy with your little cheerleader girlfriend, huh?  Why did you have to go after my Pammy?  You and your silly office pranks!  What’s wrong with you?  Seriously Pam, what were you thinking cheating on me with this twerp?” 

“It wasn’t like that Roy.”  Pam said in quite possibly the smallest voice Jim had ever heard her use.  It broke Jim’s heart. 

“Pam would never do that.  She’s too good for that.  C’mon, I really think that you should just get out of here.”  Jim watched as the color was draining out of Pam’s face, she had surveyed the office and everyone was watching.  She wanted to crawl under her desk and die of humiliation and heartache.       

Roy had stepped right up to Jim at this point, certainly invading his personal space.   “How can you stand there and act like you know her better than I do?  What do you really know about her?  About making her happy?” 

Jim looked him straight in the eye knowing that he should just back away.  However, his competitive nature wouldn’t allow him to do it.  He couldn’t resist telling Roy the truth.  Very deliberately he said,  

“I know more about making her happy than you ever did or ever will.” 

This was not the best thing to say and he knew it.  But he had heard enough of Roy’s insults.  He didn’t care about what Roy said about him, but to hear Roy insult Pam made him feel ill.  Pam had a lot of faults but she was not the kind of person who would cheat on her fiancé.   She always treated Roy with respect, and this was how she was rewarded!   

Jim’s words had their desired effect, Roy was furious.  The next thing Jim knew, Roy’s fist crashed into his jaw as he fell backwards towards his desk.   

“Jim!  Roy stop it!”  Pam ran from around the desk.   

“Jim!”  Karen ran up, “What are you doing?” 

From here, everything seemed to move in slow motion.  Jim pushed back into Roy knocking the wind out of him temporarily as they fell toward Michael’s office.  Each scrambled around to get a better hold on the other.  Jim managed to land a punch or two, but Roy clearly had the upper hand.   

People were scrambling around in the office to figure out what to do, an actual fight in the office was a first.  Dwight tried to lend Jim a hand at some point, and he became a temporary casualty as Roy hit him on a back swing sending him reeling back into the conference room.  Angela ran to check on Dwight and in her anger grabbed a pitcher of water and threw it at the fighting men.  Ryan went to help Jim, but Kelly grabbed him around the waist and wouldn’t let him go near the fight for fear he would hurt his “adorable face”.  The others watched speechless, only Stanley stayed at his desk unmoved by the whole scene. 

“Let him have it Johnny!” Creed cheered from the sidelines.   

Roy landed a punch to Jim’s right eye, which dazed Jim, giving Roy time to grab his collar and push him hard against Michael’s door.   “What is going on?”  Michael opened his door to the sight of Jim and Roy each falling into his office, neither expecting the door to open in the first place.  

“Dwight, do something!”  Michael said as he headed to hide under his desk.   

Dwight ran around the corner to try to pull Roy off Jim.  Creed rounded the desks to help out and together they grabbed Roy by both arms and pulled him up off the floor.   

“That’s quite enough of that Rob, you need to leave our little Josh alone.”  Roy looked at Creed utterly confused.   

“Yes, get out of here this minute you social deviant, before I call in a favor from the Lackawanna sheriff.  I have pull with the local authorities, considerable pull.”  Dwight said with a maniacal smile on his face, enjoying that he got to escort Roy out. 

They let him go close to the door and gave him a little push to encourage him to leave immediately.  Roy had not vented his anger by a long shot and he rounded on Pam, “I can’t believe you have done this to ME!  Bitch!”

In an instant, Kevin and Toby came out of no where to close ranks between Roy and Pam.   “I think you should, um, leave, um before, you know, I have to write you up.”  Toby got out shakily, while Kevin clumsily held up his fists to protect Pam.    

“This place is a fucking nuthouse!”  Roy screamed out when he finally turned to leave.   The entire office let out a collective sigh of relief as Roy left.   

“Pam, are you ok?”  Toby said shyly - he was visibly shaken. 

“Yes, I’m fine, I’m so sorry everyone.”  Pam was in shock – her worst nightmare had happened.  She just wanted to run to Jim, hold him, kiss it all and make it all better.  She hung back because she noticed that Karen was headed into Michael’s office. 

Karen hovered by the door and stared down at her boyfriend.  Dwight was kneeling over him holding up two fingers. 

“Jim, are you unharmed?  Are you in need of medical attention?”  Dwight asked his questions like he was an emergency technician.  “How many fingers am I holding up?” 

“Should I get the first aid kit?”  Angela asked. 

Jim finally roused himself, “I think I landed on Michael’s Dundie!  Seriously I’m ok, help me up will you?”  Dwight grabbed Jim’s arm and helped pull him up.   

“Are you ok? And what was that all about?”  Karen rushed to him with fear in her eyes.  She clearly had a million questions, and one couldn’t wait anymore.  She asked quietly, “Was it about Pam?” 

“Karen, it’s a long story and my head really hurts.   Can we just not talk about it right now?”  Jim said weakly, holding his head in his hand.  He had a pretty nasty bruise on his right cheek and his eye was starting to swell, he also had a split lip that was bleeding a little.  He wiped the blood on his sleeve. 

Noticing that Pam was walking toward the office to check on Jim, Karen put her arm around his waist and said loudly, “I’ll take you home and get you cleaned up.” 

Pam stopped and hung back by her desk.  She had already gotten Jim in a nasty fight with Roy, she didn’t want to ruin everything for him and Karen.  Ok, maybe she did want to ruin their relationship, but she fought the urge.   

As Karen collected Jim’s things, Jim leaned on Michael’s doorway looking at Pam.  She looked so small and frightened and all Jim wanted to do was hold her and take her home with him.  He wanted Pam to take care of him, not Karen.  They locked eyes for a moment, and he saw a heartbreaking emotion in her eyes, shame.  

“I’m so sorry Jim.”  She said meekly as she averted her eyes from him.  He could see a single tear run down her cheek.  She wiped it away quickly with the back of her hand. 

“It’s ok, it’s not your fault.  Really Pam, it’s ok.”  Jim said sincerely, hoping that his words would comfort her.  He hated seeing her blaming herself for Roy’s idiotic behavior.  Jim was already mad at himself for provoking Roy, but to see Pam so upset made him feel worse. 

“Ready Jim?”  Karen said sternly to him bringing him back to reality.   

“Yeah.”  Jim knew that when they got to his apartment, they would have one last conversation.   Then he would have to figure out how to get Pam to open up to him again.  

As everyone went back to work, Pam heard Michael shout from under his desk, “Is it over?  Can I come out now?” 

Pam rolled her eyes and went over to shut the door to his office saying, “Better stay put a little while longer just to be sure.” 

She went back to her desk and put her head in her hands wishing the day would just end.  And somehow, someday she’d have to finish what she was trying to tell Jim before Roy showed up.  

Disclaimer:   I do not own The Office, or the characters from The Office.  No copyright infrigement is intended, just a little fun. 

The drive to Jim’s house stretched on like an eternity for both occupants.  The air in the car was thick with unspoken emotions - fear, pain, guilt.  Karen drove him in her SUV while he rested his head against the passenger side window, the glass cool and soothing to his bruised face.  Jim felt a physical ache on the inside matching the throbbing pain on the outside.  What he needed more than anything was to break free of this mess he had made with Karen and figure out how to stop running from Pam.  He realized too late that this whole relationship had never really been about moving on; it had been an effort to run from Pam, run from his feelings, run from that awful night when he didn’t get the happy ending he wanted.  His friendship with Karen was genuine, but their romance was hollow.  Even with all the effort he had put into it, it wasn’t right for him, or her.   

They pulled into his driveway and Karen came around to help him out of the car.  He held his hand up to signify that he was fine on his own, so she left him to get his bag out of the back seat.  She followed behind him as he unsteadily walked up to his door and let himself in.  He went straight to the bathroom to check out the damage while Karen got an ice pack ready. 

“Fuck.”  His voice was low and raspy as he ran hand over his now swollen eye and cheekbone.    

“Yeah, you look a little like Rocky Balboa or something, the ice will help.”  Karen tried to have an upbeat tone, but couldn’t hide the tension in her voice.  Jim noticed that since the fight the only time she didn’t have that tension in her voice was during their brief conversation in the office in front of Pam.  “I’ll take you home and get you cleaned up.”Was that bright and confident tone just for Pam’s benefit? 

He took the ice and gently put it against his wounds, shuddering when the white hot cold touched his cheek.  He pushed past her and went to the living room to sit on the couch.   

“Karen, I know that you want an explanation, but I can’t….I’m not sure what to tell you.” 

“Let’s try the truth for a change Jim.” He knew it was time to stop lying; to stop pretending; to stop running.  It was quite simply time to stop.  He stumbled over his words.  

“Karen, I don‘t know where to start, but in the end what you have to know is…… I didn’t mean to hurt you.  But, it’s not over for me with Pam.” 

Karen flopped down on the couch like the wind had been let out of her sails.  She had tried with everything she had in her to be the girlfriend that she thought he wanted.  But the truth was that she had always sensed it, that he was slowly slipping away.  Although that would imply that she ever really had him to start with and she realized now that was never true.  She should have known better.   

“Well, um, Jim, I..uh….I don’t know what to say….I mean you kept telling me it was nothing.  Kept reassuring me, kept letting me fall in love with you.  Why?” 

He shook his head sadly and he leaned over and rested his arms on his knees.  “I don’t know.” 

“That’s crap Jim.”  She stood up and raised her voice at him, venting the hurt and anger that was building up.   

Jim had never been good at this part.  He hated hurting other people’s feelings.  So instead of being honest and explaining why he was ending a relationship, he always ended up crawling into his shell and just saying something distant and ultimately more hurtful.  He wasn’t the kind of guy that stayed friends with exes.   

“Ok,” he sat up straighter, giving himself the strength to just say it.  Do it right this time, he owed her that much.  Unknowingly Karen had been a pawn in an elaborate chess game that he and Pam were always playing, whether they knew it or not. 

“Ok, I do care for you Karen, I know that sounds trite, but it’s true.  I really just never meant for it to get this serious.  I didn’t mean for you to uproot your life for me, I wasn’t thinking.  I wanted to move on from the past, from …..Pam,” his voice broke with emotion on her name, “and I wanted to try with you, I really did.  But….. I just…..can’t.”  Jim knew this was a very ironic moment that he would be saying these words to another human being.    He chuckled sadly to himself, “Maybe I’m incapable at this point.” 

Karen was numb.  As the tears began to spill down her cheeks, she covered her face with her hands, the wetness against her fingers beginning to bring her back to reality.  This was the first time in maybe all the time she’s known him that he’s been so open, so brutally honest.  She sat again and faced forward, looking across Jim’s living room into nothingness, trying to process this.   

She remembers all the conversations with her best friend from college about Jim.  This last month especially, she would describe to Joanie all the conversations they’ve had, all the strained moments they’ve shared, and all the sexy ones.  Joanie had warned her that it seemed that Jim was not as invested in the relationship as she was.  Karen hadn’t wanted to hear it and had actually picked a fight with Joanie over it, to get her to stop raising questions that Karen would rather ignore.  Now, of course, it seemed an apology was in order. 

Karen wiped the tears from her cheek and said, “So that’s it?  That’s all I get?” 

“That’s all I have to give.” Jim mumbled the words quietly, hanging his bruised and battered face so that he could avoid her wounded gaze. 

“Well,” she got up curtly and smoothed out her jacket, “If you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine Jim.  I’m certainly not gonna beg you to stay, frankly you’re not looking like much of a catch these days.  In fact you're looking more like a selfish jerk to me.  I’ve never been anything but totally available to you and I can’t believe you kept pulling me into this relationship, when you were just biding your time till she would have you.” 

“It wasn’t like that.” 

“See that’s the thing Jim, it is like that.  You just don’t want to admit it.  No matter how much you think you’ve evolved, that you’ve outgrown the people in that office, you haven’t, you never will.  And you’ll never be able to change or be with anyone else as long as you bring Pam along in the background.  And you need to stop moping around like you’re a victim, poor Jim – Pam broke his heart, because you’ve done this to yourself.” 

She didn’t know why she was saying anything - it was pointless, he would never learn and her little tirade wasn’t making her feel any better.  She realized that there was one more thing she had to know the truth about.

“What’s the deal with Roy, I think I deserve to know why he came in today looking to kick your ass?” 

Jim cleared his throat shutting his eyes tight from the sight of her, “Remember I told you that Pam and I kissed?  I think I left out that she was engaged to Roy at the time and it was about a month before she was supposed to marry him.” 

“That’s your idea of “just a kiss”?”  She was truly shocked about this piece of information.  She’d known Jim a while now, and knew that he was mostly a nice guy, but hiding all this information from her, interfering in Roy and Pam’s life, this all seemed so out of character.  It made her wonder how well she really knew Jim Halpert, maybe she was lucky to get out now. 

“Wow.  That’s just, Wow.  I would have punched you out too.  In fact I’d kind of like to, but it wouldn’t be a fair fight right now.”  She started to leave and turned around for one last word on the subject, “You know, I hope that you and Pam work this whole thing out if for no other reason than to stop fucking up other people’s lives.”  She turned and left, she couldn’t stay there with him one more second without completely breaking down.    His stupid unruly hair and boyish charm had blinded her to the fact that he was quite literally damaged goods and she felt like such a fool for getting too close to him.   

She got in the car and looked for her cell phone, it just rang once before a familiar voice picked up, “Hello?” 

“Joanie, hi, it’s me…..I’m sorry about what I said last week.  You were right about Jim.  I’ve been a fool all along. ”  

Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters or the Office, or else I wouldn't be working in my little office....hee hee.  No copyright infringement intended. 

Six Weeks Later……

Pam sat at the reception desk, filling her candy dish with brightly colored jelly beans.  It was well before nine and only Dwight and Angela were in this early.  It was finally spring; the mornings were brighter and warmer, and Scranton was slowly turning green again.  It had been six weeks since that awful night when she learned once and for all that Roy would never be the man she would spend her life with.  She had not seen him since he was fired for his altercation with Jim, or “Rumble in the Dunder” as Michael liked to call it. 

She looked over at Jim’s empty desk as she walked to the break room to start her morning ritual of making coffee for the office and tea for herself.  He had moved back to Ryan’s vacant desk, which she obviously loved because she could see his face all day long.  She watched as the bruises and cuts healed up, while they simultaneously worked on repairing their broken friendship.  Toby had reprimanded Jim for participating in the fight with Roy, although strangely the paperwork got lost on the way to corporate. 

Jim and Pam fell easily into their old relationship, joking around and pulling pranks, although now Andy was their target, not Dwight.  Jim was happy because when Andy returned, he moved to Karen’s old desk, vacated since her transfer to New York.  It was easier not sitting too close to Andy.  Michael was right; Andy really was a big weirdo creep.

“Hi, Pam! You look awesome.  Great dress!”  Kelly was practically bouncing into the room, putting her lunch in the refrigerator and hugging a rolled up copy of People.

“Thanks, I just felt like wearing something girly.”  Pam smoothed out her maroon silk dress with the hem that flounced when she walked.  She loved that it kind of swished.  She was wearing a thin black sweater to keep warm in the office, and even though they pinched her toes a little, she had on strappy heels. 

“Aren’t you so excited, for Michael’s Casino Night Part Deux!  I had so much fun last year with Ryan, I’m glad he decided to do it again.  It felt just like one of those spy movies where they are playing roulette and sipping martinis.  I was thinking about wearing a kind of sexy dress too, what do you think?  Pink maybe?  I brought two options, help me pick at lunch ok?  Ooooh, you think Jim will like your dress?”

“Kelly, don’t be silly, I’m just wearing this for me.”  Pam scrunched up her nose as she turned to walk out thinking that even she didn’t believe herself.  She never wore heels and dresses.  She clearly did want someone to notice her, and there wasn’t anyone else in the world for Pam but Jim. 

They had resumed their friendship, but they had never gotten back to that place where they were close to being more.  They clearly had the promise of more on their minds; they were just taking it slow.   She knew she had to be the one to make the next move this time, a grand gesture if you will.  She sat down at her desk with her tea and took a deep breath.  She knew that once she put her own personal version of Casino Night Part Deux in motion, she would have his full attention and she hoped it would all turn out better than last time.

Jim sauntered in at nine on the dot, and surveyed the decorations that Michael had put up around the office.  They looked oddly familiar and his stomach tied itself back up in knots at the sight of them.  Like reliving a horrible nightmare, he felt like he was back on that very night:  he and Pam were friends again doing a ridiculous dance around each other, pretending friendship was enough.  They started hanging out again, eating lunch together and exchanging witty and flirty banter.  But it seemed like even without the obstacles, they were each shy about taking their relationship to the next level.  Besides, he knew it was stubborn on his part, but it was her turn, what was holding her back?

He wandered over to Pam’s desk; she had her back to him as she faxed something for Michael.  He took her in - she looked breathtaking in this sexy dress he had never seen before in an absolutely dramatic shade of red.  He imagined how luxurious the fabric must feel.  He wondered if it were sleeveless, like a certain blue dress he remembered.  Thinking of that night last year, his mind wandered back to the feel of her shoulders, her arms, her skin....

“Morning Jim.” 

He shook his head to clear the cobwebs and realized that she was talking to him.  “Oh, hi, Pam.  You look very pretty today.”  Jim thought he had finished puberty about a million years ago, but the way his voice sounded right then he wasn’t so sure.  “Excited about tonight?  Looks like Michael went all out.”

“Yeah,” she caught his eye and held his gaze, daring to lean in toward him, “I seem to remember that I took all your money last year….are you up for a rematch, Halpert?”

He leaned into her and responded, “What kind of rematch you have in mind Beesly?”

“Cards of course.”  She smiled at him with all the warmth and sexiness she had in her.  He was so close to her she could feel his breath on her and she had to fight the urge to pull him over the counter.

He felt his heart beat faster, “Sure, I’m in.” 

She looked deep into his eyes.  “Good.” 

Although he felt like he had to peel himself off the reception counter, he stood up and walked back to his desk. Pam took the opportunity to watch him walk back to his desk.  He was wearing a blue shirt and grey pants and looked very handsome.  She wanted to grab him now and tell him that she loved him, she was ready for more.  In fact, she was well past ready.  But she wanted to return the favor of a breathtaking gesture the same way he had swept her off her feet last year.  Pam spent the rest of the day counting the minutes until she could finally tell Jim that she loved him.

******

That evening, Jim wandered down to the warehouse and found that most of the office was already there, everyone but Pam.  He had been looking for her for the last thirty minutes.  He thought that she would be down here because she had left the office well before him.  Surely she didn’t get lost between her desk and the warehouse?  He began to worry that he had misunderstood her intentions tonight; maybe this whole thing meant nothing to her. 

He went to sit down with Ryan and Kelly at the bar. 

“Hey guys?  Having fun?”

Ryan starting shaking his head no, while Kelly chimed in, “We’re totally having a great time?  Do you like my dress?  I thought it was so sexy, don’t you think Ryan?”

Ryan dipped his head and took a long draw on his mixed drink.  His non-reaction didn’t even phase Kelly, “This is so fun!  Michael really decorated this place, and it’s it totally romantic – I mean for a paper warehouse.”

Jim had a blank smile on his face and he just nodded in return, “Um, yeah, so have you guys seen Pam?”

“Why do you ask, Jim, hmmmmm? – Isn’t she so hot in that dress?  I should have invited Jack to meet her tonight, don’t you think Ryan? I’ve been trying to set Pam up for weeks and she keeps turning me down, I think she’s just shy, what do you think Jim?

Jim’s mouth just hung open because he had no idea what to say to the myriad of thoughts that Kelly just unloaded on him.  He rubbed his hand across his forehead and he and Ryan took long sips on their respective beverages at the same time. 

Dwight came up to Jim and patted him on the shoulder.  “I have an urgent message for you, Jim.”

“What?”  Jim examined Dwight’s face and saw that he was serious.  He was worried for a moment, but decided to play along.  “Ok, what is it?”

He turned to face him and said, “Not here, prying eyes.”  His eyes darted around the warehouse and said, “Follow me.”

Jim took a long last drink figuring he would need a buzz if this turned out to be another ridiculous Dwight wild goose chance.  He patted Ryan on the shoulder and followed Dwight out to the parking lot.

“Ok Dwight, so what’s the message?”

Dwight stepped close to Jim and said under his breath, “Pam told me that you have been secretly spying on our local paper competitor, trying to infiltrate their paper empire and ferret out their weaknesses.  She confided in me that she was working with you.  She has just gotten back from a trip to the local place of business of said competitor and has stolen vital information for our use to try to take over the paper selling world.  She wanted to get this to you asap, but was afraid that if you were seen together, it could risk your mission.  Industrial spies are everywhere Jim.  And let’s face it, how well do we know our co-workers? Have you ever seen Creed do anything?” 

Jim took this situation in and tried not to respond in any way that might blow the moment, although he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.  Apparently Pam was pranking Dwight, which he loved, and she had something she wanted Jim to see.  “Thanks Dwight, you’ve taken a big chance carrying this for us,” Jim said in a whisper trying to think of his next move.  “Go back to the party and wait for instructions.” Dwight scanned the parking lot before opening his jacket and pulling out a rolled up piece of paper stuck in his inside pocket.

“And Dwight, act natural, you never know who is watching.”  Jim winked at him as if to seal the deal.

As Jim turned his back on Dwight, he carefully unrolled the paper to see what Pam had sent him.  The paper didn’t feel like copier paper, it was sketch pad paper.  As he unrolled it, the scene she had carefully sketched out in charcoal slowly revealed itself to Jim.  He looked at it, shocked at what he saw there.  Despite himself, he felt the emotion welling up inside and tears began brimming in his eyes.  It was a sketch of the office; a view of his desk with her desk in the background.  In colored pencil, she had drawn votive candles in a soft yellow on her counter, and she had drawn herself leaning on his desk, in the same exact pose as a year ago.  She had used a red pencil to sketch her dress, the same dress he was admiring this morning.  He rubbed his hand over his mouth, he just couldn’t believe what he was looking at.  The sketch itself was wonderful, but he couldn’t help but wonder if this meant what he thought it meant.  His chest could not contain his heartbeat as his hand unsteadily rolled the precious paper back up.  He put the drawing safely in his car, and turned to go in the office.    He knew exactly where he would find Pam.

Disclaimer:  I don't own these characters or The Office, although I am thinking I should buy the dvds......   No copyright infringement intended, I swear. 

Jim walked up to the glass door at the entryway to Dunder Mifflin and saw the faint reflection of candlelight inside.  He felt like he was having one of those dreams where you feel like you are falling.  His body felt light, almost weightless, and he had a sense of motion sickness. He shook out his hands that had mysteriously started to sweat and wiped his palms on his pants.  It was pure anticipation, excitement and fear wrapped into one single emotion.  He took a deep breath and opened the door, trying to walk in with confidence.  

He quickly scanned the dimly lit room, illuminated only by a single row of candles on Pam’s counter, just as in the sketch. He let his eyes rest on Pam, leaning on his desk in nearly the same position as before.  But this time, she wasn’t fidgeting or hiding, she was waiting.  Patiently.  For him.  As the door clicked shut, she looked up at him expectantly. 

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

They spoke quietly as if they were afraid to ruin the moment with their voices.

He cleared his throat.  “So, Dwight said you had some pressing information for me.” 

“Yeah.”  It came out almost like a sigh in the form of a word.  “Very important information that I think you need to hear.”

She looked up right in his eyes, and he unconsciously held his breath.  He smiled, letting out a breathy chuckle, nodding shyly.  Like looking at the sun for to long, he needed a moment to regain his composure so he looked down for a moment avoiding her eyes.  After a few seconds he looked up at her through his eyelashes, biting back the involuntary grin on his face.  He finally fully met her gaze and the question on his mind was in his eyes and not on his lips.

“Course, Jim, you’re gonna have to come closer, if you recall this is sensitive information and the walls do have ears.”

Jim stepped forward until he was standing right in front of Pam. He rested his fingertips on either side of her on his desk, trapping her; he would not let her go this time.  She felt his hands graze her hips and she could feel his warmth so close to her.  She closed her eyes taking in the precious feeling of being so close while she reached down taking both his hands in hers. 

She held his hands in between them and looked up again daring to look deeply in his eyes while she said,

“Jim, I’m in love with you.  I have been for as long as I can remember, although I don’t think I truly realized it until last summer.  I’m not me without you, and I don’t think you’re really you without me.  I’ve loved getting back to our old friendship, but it isn’t enough for me anymore.  I want you, all of you.” Her voice broke and she let out a heavy breath, “I am so completely in love you and I’m hoping that you might still love me.”

Jim could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears and his entire body felt numb, except for the feeling of her hands on his.  He opened his mouth to say something, but no words would come.  Pam, standing here laying herself bare before him, had rendered him completely speechless.  He could see the tears in her eyes and he reached with one hand to wipe the tears away, caressing her face with his fingertips. He was almost afraid to touch her for fear that she would melt away, revealing this to be a cruel but wonderful dream. 

He pulled her to him as he leaned forward gently kissing her lips, hoping to convey in this kiss the words he couldn’t find at the moment.  She responded to him immediately running her hands up his chest and into his hair, savoring every sensation as long overdue.  He stepped in closer to her, and as they deepened the kiss she let her fingers wind in his hair.  The scene was eerily similar to before, as they broke apart for breath, both panting and looking at each other tenderly, Jim finally responded to her declaration.

Taking her hands back in his, he said, the joy dripping in each word,

“I’ve waited, wow, what feels like forever, to hear you say those words to me.  Pam, I definitely still love you, I don’t know how not to be in love with you.”

He could feel the emotion welling in his heart again as he leaned in to kiss her again.  This time, unlike so long ago, she did not deny him, she rose up to meet his lips, and again she brought her arms up around his neck to bring him impossibly closer. 

He kissed his way across her cheekbone and down her jaw, down her neck to where her neck and shoulder meet; his hands roamed slowly down her arms, as he savored the exquisite feel of the friction with her bare skin.  She leaned heavily against the desk knowing that her legs would no longer support her. His lips on hers felt wonderful and she marveled that she had managed to turn him away so long ago.  He ran his hands back up her back putting his hands on her shoulders, as he returned to kissing her lips. 

She ran her hands up and pressed them flat against his chest, as she pulled away for a moment, moving her hands up to his neck caressing the soft skin as she said,

“We should get out of here.”  Her voice sounded entirely foreign to her, breathy and scratchy but urgent.  She crocked an eyebrow at him as she said, “Your place or mine?”

They broke out in laughter both to ease the tension and bring themselves back to a more normal place.  “Wow, Beesly, that was clichéd.”

“Yes, yes it was.”

“How bout you take me home with you, I’ve never seen your place….. and I’d really like to.”

Pam leaned in to kiss him again, this time sweetly, then stepping back and nodding seriously, “That sounds perfect.”

***********

Pam woke up with sunlight streaming across her face from her bedroom window.  She rolled over very slowly, looking over her shoulder at the man lying next to her.  Her breath caught in her chest as she felt the love for him roll through her.  She had heard other people say how they just knew someone was the one, the one that was made for them to spend their life with.  When she was with Roy, she had always laughed at that sentiment, thinking it overly romantic and unrealistic.  But now, she knew she was wrong.  She truly believed that Jim was meant for her and only her; and as she watched him sleep she knew that she would wake up next to him every morning for the rest of her life.

She slid out of the bed so gently that he barely stirred.  Reaching down she picked up his dress shirt from the floor and put it on padding quietly into the kitchen to start a pot of tea.  She grabbed half a bagel and started nibbling on it as she walked through the living room, looking at the remnants of last night.  There was the half consumed bottle of wine that they forgot to re-cork, wine glasses, candles on the mantle burnt down to a nub, and an empty container of fried rice.  She pondered on cleaning it up, but decided just to leave it there a little longer to remind her that it was real.  They really did talk into the wee hours over her favorite cabernet. She smiled remembering how his eyes sparkled in candlelight.  She laughed thinking about how they both remembered that they hadn’t eaten, and they ordered Chinese food because the place around the corner was still open and on her speed dial, which he will undoubtedly never let her forget.

She took the hot water off and poured a mug of tea, picking up her sketchpad as she went back into the bedroom.  She slid back into the bed and realized that Jim was apparently a fairly heavy sleeper.  Roy used to wake up cranky if she as much as turned over too much for his liking, but Jim seemed very content in her bed.  He had rolled over facing the sunlight and she loved the way the light fell across his features, hair tousled, sheet around his waist.  She leaned against the headboard and started to sketch him while he slept.  As her pencil created each line, each curve, each shadow she felt like she was touching him with her fingers.  She’d never been so happy in her life and yet she knew this was just the beginning.

*****

Jim lingered in that place in between asleep and awake feeling a peace that was unbelievable.  He thought back over the night before, replaying in his mind the moment when Pam told him that she loved him.  Everything about last night had been unlike anything he had experienced before.  Finally being with Pam, honestly sharing their feelings, laying the foundation for the rest of their lives.  As he came to reality, he heard a scratching noise that he couldn’t place; he opened his eyes and the sight of Pam took his breath away.

She was sketching him, with the sunlight coming through the window behind her, the light catching in her loose curls.  She was wearing his shirt from last night which was so intimate and sexy that he felt an incredible wave of love and passion wash over him. Hitting him all at once, he realized that it would never be enough to just date her, or just live with her, he wanted to marry her.

He took in a deep breath, and smiled, “Morning.”

“Hi.”  She moved to put the sketchpad down and nuzzled in next to him.  “Sleep well?”

“Yeah, really well.  You?”

“I slept like a baby, I felt so safe with you here.”

They both held on to each other, words being completely unnecessary for once in their relationship.  In fact for the first time, they were each at a loss for what to say next.  This was unfamiliar territory for them, the tension and angst having disappeared with the morning light.  Jim finally broke the silence,

“So Beesly, I hope you know that you’re stuck with me now.”

She kissed him tenderly and responded,

“Well you’ve been my friend, then I was without you, then I loved you, and now I can’t imagine my life without you. So being stuck with you sounds pretty delightful.”

He smiled at her, feeling such incredible joy and relief and said the only thing he could,

“I love you, Pam, with all my heart.”  He pulled her toward him, pressing her head to his chest, holding her tenderly.

“I love you too.”

They held each other for a while until, all of the sudden, Jim started laughing almost uncontrollably.

“What’s so funny?”

“I left Dwight in the warehouse awaiting further instruction on our little corporate espionage project; I wonder if he’s still there?”

“Hmmmm, you know he did help us get together, even if he didn’t realize it.  Maybe, as a reward, we should let him gather intelligence on a mole in our very own office?”

Jim raised his eyebrows, weighing this idea in his mind, “What a great idea!  He mentioned Creed being suspicious last night….”

“We could leave a Staples bag on Creed’s desk Monday morning.”

“And you could ‘intercept’ a call ….maybe overhear some kind of plot to bring down Dunder Mifflin…..”

“And you tell Dwight that you would never have suspected Creed except for his comment and suggest to Dwight that he keep an eye on him….”

“Keep a log of his activities for a week, 24 hour surveillance….”  They were now sitting up in bed, so excited over their prank that they were practically bouncing on the bed.

“Perfect, Halpert, perfect.”

“Yes, Beesly, it will be.”

He smiled warmly at her, mesmerized by her childlike excitement, loving the fact that they were still best friends and yet now they were more.  So much more.