******* 

Elizabeth Beesley stood in her kitchen, reading the directions off a box of fudge brownies.  She had realized half an hour ago that it was her turn to bring treats to the office tomorrow, so now here she was, trying to bake at nine thirty at night.

"For fudgier brownies, use three eggs," she said aloud to no one, cracking three eggs expertly into her mixing bowl.  She carefully set the mixer on the right speed and went about getting a pan ready to grease.  The phone rang and she waited two rings for Don to get it.  He apparently had decided that CSI could wait a minute, because halfway across the kitchen to pick up, it stopped ringing. 

She stepped back toward the cupboard where the casserole dishes and cake pans were kept, pulling out her best glass pan, the one that had the matching lid. 

"Liz, it's Penny!" she heard her husband call.

"I'll get it in here!" she hollered back, and walked quickly over to the wall extension.  Penny was Don's pet name for Pam, having called her that for most of her life.  Finally, in recent years, Pam had given up resisting the nickname she'd gotten at the age of three for trying to eat the spare change on her father's nightstand. 

"Pam?" Liz asked, hearing a click, promptly followed by the sound on the television getting turned up.  'Does he think if it's louder, he'll better understand what he missed?' she thought.

"Mom," Pam answered, her voice literally shaking.  Immediately Liz felt her stomach drop. 

"Pam, what's wrong?" she asked her only daughter, a strangle hold on the phone. 

"I, um...I-"  But she couldn't manage to get any more out.  Liz listened to her child crying on the other end of the conversation.  It wasn't huge hiccupping sobs, but silent, full of wavering breath.  She was weeping as silently as she could. 

"Pam, what happened?  Is it Roy?"  The elder Beesley felt the icy finger of dread draw across her body.  She and Pam had been as close as a mouth and daughter could be for many years, but she had rarely experienced her like this. 

"No," Pam whispered. clearing her throat.  "It's not Roy."  The way she said it, so definitively, gave Liz pause.  Outside of Roy and her own family, there was only one person Pam cared about enough to be this upset. 

"Is it Jim?"  She asked cautiously, not wanting Pam to become angry or deflective as she had every other time Jim was brought up by her mother.  This is what Liz fully expected.  What Liz did not expect was the complete silence on the other end of the line.  Liz counted to three in her head.  "Pam?" 

"He...he told me he loves me," she answered finally, her voice holding that same slightly hysterical tone it had since she'd first said anything. 

Liz, for her part, was completely unsurprised by this revelation.  She had never met this man with whom her daughter had been friends, but she somehow knew him like the back of her hand.  She knew from the way Pam talked about him, the situations they had been through, that he loved her, had probably been in love with her for some time.  It was a mother's intuition. 

"When, uh, when did this happen?"  she asked, her voice low. 

"About ten minutes ago," Pam answered, sounding agitated. 

"And did you say anything?"  Liz shot out before her brain could catch up to her mouth. 

"No, I didn't know what to say."  Pam said, and for the first time since she'd picked up the phone, Elizabeth heard the fear in her daughter's voice. 

Liz knew what she wanted to ask, what she needed to press, but waited.  Instead, she stated, "Pam, you're getting married in a month." 

"Yes, I know."  The defensiveness in her voice put Liz on edge. 

"Well," she asked her daughter carefully.  "How do you feel about him?"

"Um, I don't know mom, he's my best friend."  Pam responded quickly, a slight shake in her voice, displaying her absolute anxiety in that moment.  Now, Liz had asked her this question before, but the answer had always been the same.  'I'm engaged to Roy, Jim is just a friend.'  She had never even allowed her mother to entertain the thought that Jim felt that way about her.  But listening to her talk now, Liz sensed that not only had Pam suspected how Jim felt about her, but also knew very well how she felt in return. 

Feeling Pam teetering on the edge of something, she offered all she could.  "Jim seems...like a good man, Pam." 

The voice that answered her was very small.  "Yeah, he's great." 

Closing her eyes to her empty kitchen, Liz took the leap, hoping her daughter would follow her.  "Are..are you in love with Jim?"

If Liz thought her last answer was quiet, this one was almost non-existent.  "Yeah, I think I am."  The amount of fear and...sadness in those four words made Elizabeth's heart break. 

"Pam, honey.  I know this is scary.  I know you're confused-"

"Um, I have to go," Pam cut in suddenly. 

"Oh, well call me-" Liz tried to get in.

"I will," Pam answered, voice shaky once more before handing up with a loud click. 

Liz stared at the dead receiver in her hand for a moment before hanging up the phone and stepping over to the island and shutting the mixer off.  She debated actually getting in her car and driving up to Scranton right now, making sure her daughter wasn't going to have a nervous breakdown. 

The first time Pam had spoken of Jim, it had been in passing.  She had merely mentioned that there was a guy at work who had taken her to lunch on her first day.  Eyebrows raised, Elizabeth had asked about this guy.  All Pam had been able to come up with was, "He's uh...tall."

Since that moment, there had been very few conversations that she'd had with her child in which the tall paper salesman hadn't been brought up in some way.  It was either the prank they'd played on a fellow co-worker of how he'd drawn her a cartoon of herself that she kept next to her phone at work.  She would tell her mother about the few times where Jim found himself with a girlfriend and Liz would pretend not to hear the jealousy in Pam's voice. 

Liz had always had a bit of a soft spot for Roy, after taking over a year to initially warm up to him.  He was solid and rather dependable.  He would give Pam a steady life of middle class living in Scranton.  He would be the kind of father that Pam had, distant, uninterested in his children's lives.  Elizabeth had discovered three of four years into her marriage that while Donald Beesley wasn't stifling of harsh, he also never would be the type of partner who would allow her to think outside of herself.  He'd discouraged her from becoming an author, told her she would do better working as an assistant at the district attorney's office.  Liz had married her Roy, and didn't want Pam to make the same mistake without thinking it through. 

Before she could second guess herself, Liz stepped back over to the phone, dialing her daughter's cell phone number.

"Hi, this is Pam.  I can't come to my phone, but leave a message and I'll call you back." 

Beep.

"Hi honey, it's mom."  She lowered her voice a little.  "I just.. I guess I'm worried about you a little, Pam...I- if you feel that way or even think you feel that way about...well, you heed to talk to him.  I know it doesn't seem like there's any easy solution right now, but if you make the right decision, it will all work out okay.  It's just that..." Liz paused to take a deep breath.  "Pam, if I ever had someone who I talked about the way you talk about him sometimes, I would feel like the luckiest woman in the world.  Don't let go of that if you think there's something there.  Call me in the morning, okay?"  She hung up the phone, biting her lower lip nervously. 

"How are the brownies coming, babe?"  Don asked her, ambling into the kitchen.  He dipped his finger into the mixing bowl and brought it up to his mouth, licking the batter off the digit.  She smiled at the man she'd shard her life with for twenty-seven years, his dimples hidden beneath a graying beard. 

"Great," she answered, leaning up to kiss him.  "Do you have time to help me put them into pans to bake them?  I have to run to the store.  I forgot frosting." 

"Oh, can't you just make them plain?  They're going into extra innings right now," he asked, gesturing toward the living room. 

"Oh." Liz said, her face frozen in the same passive manner it had been for a third of a century.  She watched as her husband walked back toward the living room and didn't move again until she heard the creek of his recliner. 

She brought in plain brownies the next morning. 

*******

******* 

Larissa waved amiably to her neighbor, Sally, as she power-walked by the older woman's house bright and early on Saturday morning.  She got up at six on the weekends and made a point of walking the neighborhood, taking in everyone watering their lawns or letting their dogs out.  It was her favorite time of day.  After she got home, at breakfast and showered, she would get to work on staining an old piece of furniture Stephen had picked up at an auction for her last week.  Letting the excitement of a new project overtake her, she moved quicker, turning up her driveway and making her way into the house.  She was met by their golden retriever of ten years, Molly. 

"Hey, sweetie."  She leaned over the dog, rubbing gently behind the old animal's ears. 

"How was the jog?" her husband asked, coming into the kitchen and smacking her lightly on the bottom. 

"Hey!" she squealed, jumping slightly.  "I haven't jogged in years, Steve.  I'm too old," she answered, opening the fridge and taking out a carton of juice. 

"Aw, you have the body of a twenty-five heard old.  I don't care what the neighborhood boys say about you being a scary old lady, I still think you're pretty...hot."  He finally finished, winking at her as he passed her a glass.  She tried not to smile at him as she drank down the juice, but didn't manage for more than a few seconds.  Just as she was about to respond to him, the phone rang.  Still grinning at her husband, Larissa stepped over the the cordless phone sitting on the island. 

"Hello?"

"Hi, mom."

"Jimmy!"  She shouted, now positively giddy.  She hardly ever saw her son, despite living in the same town as him.

"Mom, it's a little early in the morning to be drinking," Jim said, laughter in his voice, still scratchy with sleep.

"It's a little early for you to be conscious," she shot back, giggling.  "What are you doing up at seven on a Saturday?"

"I...uh...I'm" he took a deep breath and blew it out shakily.  What followed was a chuckle that Larissa could only describe as bitter.  Before she had a chance to inquire about it, Jim spoke again.  "I'm packing."

"Oh.  Are you going somewhere for the weekend?" 

"I'm transferring to Stamford, mom," he cut in. 

Larissa stopped dead, the smile sliding off her face.  "What's wrong?  Larissa?"  Stephen asked.

"Connecticut?" she clarified.

"No, Stamford, China."  Jim answered. 

"Hey," she interjected, an edge on her voice now.

"Sorry."  He paused for almost a minute. 

"Jim?" 

"She..she doesn't love me."  He said simply. 

Larissa didn't know what to say that that.  Jim had been very subtle about the receptionist at his office, never flat out saying how he felt about Pam, but Larissa had known he was head over heels for her.  "How do you..." she trailed off, raising a hand to her collarbone.  "You don't know that, honey." 

"I told her I was- it doesn't matter, mom."  Her heart cracked a little at the resignation in his voice.  "None of it matters." 

"But, how did Stamford happen?"  she asked, genuinely confused.

"I'd been thinking about it for a while," he confessed.  "I talked to a woman who works at corporate, and she offered me a promotion.  It's just...I think it's something I have to do." 

"And you talked to Pam?"  Larissa asked, not able to help herself. 

"I-yeah.  I did."  He's silent then for what seems like several minutes.  "I pretty much laid everything out there for her, and she, she said she was going to marry Roy, so..."

"Oh, honey."  She could heard so much thinly-veiled pain in his voice. 

"So, anyway, I thought it might be better to let you know my plans before I move," he chortled and Larissa smiled in spite of the situation. 

"That was mighty big of ya, James."  She joked back to her son, because she didn't know what else to do. 

She had known from the first time he had spoken of Pam that he was nuts about her.  Jim had always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve, and this had been no exception.  Larissa hadn't found out until some time after she was first mentioned that Pam was in fact engaged to another man.  She had thought about warning Jim off of her, but couldn't believe this woman would lead her son on for no reason.  There wasn't any way Jim would just plunge head first into something like this without some reasoning behind it.  She may not know it or admit it, but that relationship was not one-sided.  No, Larissa knew in her heart that Jim's best friend loved him. 

"Well, the bubble wrap is calling my name, so.." he said finally. 

"Listen, why don't you come over for dinner tonight?"  Larissa asked, earning a raised eyebrow from her husband, who had been standing silently next to her for the last few minutes. 

"Um, okay.  Yeah.  That sound's great, mom."  She knew from his tone that it didn't sound great, but she let it go. 

"Okay, just come over whenever you're done packing," she said, her voice choking a little on the last word. 

"Okay."  Silence.  "Mom?" 

"Yeah, sweetie." 

"Can you fake a kiss?"  His voice was small and sheepish. 

"No," Larissa answered immediately.  "You'd have to be a great actor to accomplish that, and even actors can't manage it most of the time." 

He exhaled deeply.  "Okay, bye." 

"See you later," she answered, and hung up the phone. 

"What was that?" Stephen asked, bringing a spoonful of cereal up to his mouth.

"Oh, your son is running away from his problems and to the promise land of Connecticut."  She sighed, opening her mouth to allow him to feed her a mouthful of Raisin Bran. 

*******

******* 

"District Attorney Harold's office, Elizabeth speaking." 

"Hi, mom?" 

"Hi sweetie.  What's up?"  Pam had been calling more often since that night almost three weeks ago, but she'd never called her mother at work.

"Um, I need to..." Elizabeth heard scuffling on the other end, and then her daughter muttered an expletive. "Sorry, I dropped my phone.  I need to tell you something, mom." 

"Anything."  She started riffling through files, searching for the Mendez case.  Her boss needed it in ten minutes.

"I left Roy." 

She stopped dead, several files falling to the floor.  She almost asked if she'd heard correctly, but knew instinctively that she had.  To be honest, she'd felt this all coming to a head ever since Pam had called to confide in her about Jim.  Elizabeth's heart had broken for Pam when her daughter had told her of Jim's transfer, bringing all the general unhappiness in her life to the forefront.

"You-when did this happen?"

"This morning," Pam answered in a small voice.  "I told him I couldn't marry him." 

"Oh."  Liz worked hard for several moments, searching for more syllables to tack onto the end of the sentence, but found nothing.

"Yeah," Pam said, all the strain in her voice evident.  "Um, anyway, I was wondering, I packed an overnight bag and got in my car and..."

"Of course, honey."  Liz said immediately nodding to no one.  She bent over, starting to pick through the mess she'd made of manila envelopes all over the floor. 

"Thanks, mom." 

"Pam, is this..." Liz started, searching for the right words to use in this situation. 

"There's just so much missing," Pam offered, sadness in her voice.  Liz could feel her throat closing and swallowed hard.  "Even if it's too late to... I still needed to do this, mom." 

"I know," Liz answered.  "I'll take the rest of the day off and we can start taking care of everything." 

 She hung up, and grabbed her coat, letting Betty, the other assistant in the office know she was taking a sick day.  It wasn't until she was behind the wheel of her old model Honda that she noticed she was holding the Mendez file. 

******* 

Bing!

Larissa turned away from the television and padded to the kitchen.  Grabbing a pair of oven mitts, she reached down and pulled out the meatloaf she'd been baking.  Meatloaf had always been Jim's favorite. 

"Need help?" Stephen asked, joining her from his own spot on the couch.  He leaned in quickly and kissed the corner of her mouth as she used the meat thermometer to make sure it was cooked. 

"Um, do you want to check on the corn?"  She smiled at her husband, who ambled over to the stove and lifted the lid on the small pot she had sitting there.  She knew he thought she was overdoing it, but she didn't care.  She hadn't seen her son in almost six months and she was going to keep him here for as long as she could.  If that meant having a twelve-course dinner, then that was what was going to happen. 

Jim had been back in Scranton for two days, today being his first back at work.  When he'd told Larissa he was moving back, she'd been elated, immediately planning a family dinner for tonight.  He would be here in half an hour, and she wanted everything perfect. 

She was pulled away from the pot of boiling potatoes on the stove by the ringing phone. 

"Oh, it's not happening," Stephen smirked, stirring the vegetables nonetheless.  Larissa shot him a dirty look before answering it. 

"Mom?" Jim asked, as if this hadn't been their phone number for twelve years. 

"Jimmy, what's up?  I just pulled the meatloaf out of the oven."  Larissa grinned. 

"Mom," he started, regret in his voice.  Larissa left the smile slide completely off her face.  "Look, I don't think I can make it." 

"Oh," is all she said in response.  Stephen came over next to her and grabbed her hand consolingly.  He knew how much she'd been looking forward to this. 

"Yeah, and I'm really sorry, but...it's just that some people from Stamford are going out together, and I feel like since I know what they were getting themselves into..." he trailed off. 

"Oh yeah.  Of course, you go spend time with them.  I'm sure they had a rough day."  Larissa knew what Jim's office was like and didn't blame the new recruits for wanting to start drinking at five in the afternoon.  She waited a few seconds, wanting to ask the question that was at the back of her throat.  Finally, she did.  "So, how was it seeing everyone?"

Jim paused, thinking the question over.  "It was...fine.  Dwight is still Dwight, Michael is still Michael..."

"How's Pam?" Larissa cut in, trying to move this conversation along. 

There was such a pause this time that Larissa thought his call had been dropped.  "She's..." he stopped again, searching for the right word.  "She's Pam.  We talked a little and, I don't know, I guess she wants to be friends."  She instantly heard the bitter edge Jim's voice had taken on. 

"Well, that's good, right?" Larissa pushed.

"Yeah," he said, his voice sounding tired, defeated.  "I guess things will just go back to how they were before I left.  That's what she wants."

Larissa frowned slightly.  Now knowing what to add, she said, "Well, have fun tonight, Jim.  Maybe we'll see you next week, huh?"

"If not there's always Christmas," Stephen cracked loud enough for Jim to hear him.

"Tell him I'm sorry," Jim said, sounding chagrined.

"Oh, he'll be fine.  This means more mashed potatoes for him anyway."  Larissa joked.

"Next week, definitely," Jim promised.

"Okay."  Larissa couldn't help herself.  "And Jim?  She didn't call off her wedding for no reason, so try not to be too hard on her, okay?"

"Yeah."

And he hung up.

******

 *******

 "And have yourself a merry little Christmas now," Elizabeth crooned along with Judy, who sadly sang to her younger sister onscreen.  Elizabeth never understood why this movie was considered a holiday film, but had merely shrugged when she scanned past it.  It was so infrequent that the television not be on Spike TV that she was taking what she could get.

She reached for the tape dispenser and pulled a small piece off.  With one hand, she held the paper together, covering the rectangular box completely save the ends.  The phone rang next to her on the couch and Elizabeth muted Ms. Garland before hitting the 'talk' button on the cordless extension.

"Hello," she said, cradling the phone on her shoulder as she tore another portion of tape off.

"Hi."  Her voice got smaller every time she called.  Elizabeth stopped wrapping the present for her sister and stood.

"Pam, honey.  Are you okay?"  The elder Beesley regretted it the moment it left her mouth, but it was an impulse she hadn't gotten control of yet.

"I'm fine, mom.  Just tired I guess."  Pam yawned.

"Did you work today?"  Elizabeth asked, concern still lacing her voice.

"Yeah, our last day until Tuesday," Pam answered absentmindedly.  "We had a party."  Elizabeth perked up, remembering how much Pam had enjoyed the party last year.  "Well, actually we had two parties.  Karen and I decided to get under Angela's skin a little." This was news.  Liz knew Karen was the girl Jim was dating, and wondered why Pam would be spending any time with the other woman.  But fortunately, her daughter knew her well enough that she didn't have to ask.  "I can't hate her forever because she's smarter than me, mom.  There's no good reason for me not to be friends with her."  She sounded so sensible.

"Actually, there's a pretty good reason, Pamela.  He sits about ten feet away from your desk every day."

Pam sighed loudly, and then was silent for several moments.

"Pam I don't want you to think that I think it's a bad idea for you to be making friends, but are you really going to be able to?  Considering..."

"Mom."

There was silence again, and then finally, Pam spoke.

"It was just nice to talk and laugh with someone.  I've just been so...alone lately..."

Liz felt her heart break for her daughter once more.  She'd lost track of how often it happened these days. 

"Pam, why don't you come up in the morning?  We can bake cookies and brave the crowds at the mall.  I think it would be good for you to get out of your house." 

"Mom, I.. I don't think so.  I'm twenty-eight years old; I think it's a little ridiculous to run away to mommy's every time something in my life goes wrong.  If that were the case, I would never leave your couch."  Pam chuckled, but it was rather humorless.  "That's setting a scary precedent."

Elizabeth knew that if her only child didn't spend the weekend in her old bedroom, she would spend it alone in her apartment, crying and drinking.  She hadn't said anything to her husband, or even Pam for that matter, but Liz could tell sometimes when Pam called that she was tipsy.

"Everyone will be her on Monday anyway, honey.  It would just be getting a head start on the festivities."

"I was actually thinking I would maybe...skip that too."  Liz opened her mouth to let loose a protest, but Pam was too quick.  "It's just that since last spring, everyone stare at me.  And it's always one of two expressions.  It's either 'Oh, you poor pathetic thing', or it's 'Great, now what am I going to do with that bread maker I bought you for a wedding gift?'"  Elizabeth laughed at the level of perception Pam had in these matters.  She had heard both of those phrases used first hand at Thanksgiving.  "I just think it would be better to wallow here by myself is all."

The elder Beesley sighed, but knew better than to continue needling her offspring.  They sat on the phone in silence for a minute or two, Elizabeth watching the end of the musical, still on mute.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Is it stupid that deep down, I really thought he would get me a gift?" 

The sun was setting just as a light show started to fall outside.  Liz stood and approached the picture window in her living room.  When Pam had started talking about what she was going to do for him, she had wanted to warn her daughter that the likelihood of him returning the gesture was slim to none.  "I think despite what you think of him right now, he's in a difficult position if he's dating your new best friend.  Maybe you should cut him some slack." 

"Yeah," Pam answered flatly.  She yawned audibly.

"You should go to bed early tonight, Pam."

"I will.  I'm going to make myself some tea and get into bed and watch old movies."  She paused, and when she spoke again, Liz could hear the hesitation in her voice.  "I don't know why, but even water tastes when it comes out of my teapot."

"I love you.  I'll call you tomorrow."

"Love you too, mom."

And with that, Elizabeth was left with a dial tone in her ear. 

******* 

 ******* 

"All I'm saying is it's the middle of January," Stephen called to her from the den, where he was reading a well-worn copy of 'Infinite Jest'.

Larissa rolled her eyes, even though he couldn't see her from her spot in her glider rocker, where she was knitting herself a scarf from some funky furry yarn she'd gotten on clearance at the craft store earlier in the week.  "There's nothing wrong with leaving Christmas stuff up later than the twenty-seventh of December," she hollered back good-naturedly.  The truth was, she was surprised he'd allowed it to stay up this long.  When the kids had been small, it was literally the day after the festivities that he would start hauling boxes of ornaments back to the garage.

There was something about their Christmas tree that just made Larissa Halpert grin every time she looked at it.  A high- quality fake variety of blue spruce, it held years of memories.  Handmade ornaments that Jonathan, Jimmy and Jessie had proudly brought home from school in their elementary years, anniversary ornaments, her special collection of angels, all playing golden instruments;  They all decorated the branches.  Larissa could remember the morning the three kids, all young and bleary-eyed in the early hour, presenting her with the first piece of the set.

"Okay, but Groundhog's Day is only several hours away now, babe."  Her husband chided her from the next room.  She knew he was teasing her, flirting with her.  Knowing he couldn't see her, she allowed her face to break out in a huge grin.

"And you don't want to re-decorate the whole thing for each holiday?  Find some ornaments that look like rodents wearing top hats?"

She was kept from hearing his response by the telephone ringing next to her. 

"Not it!" Stephen called.

Chuckling, she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi."  Larissa grinned at the scratchy baritone on the other end.

"James, my boy.  Don't you think it's perfectly acceptable to keep one's Christmas tree up all year long?"

"You guys have this argument every year, and every year I choose to stay out of it.  If you want to be one of those old crazy ladies who hang eggs on it at Easter, be my guest."  Jim answered, chuckling.  "But, really.  What are you going to decorate it with in Arbor Day, mom?"

"You make a good point," Larissa conceded.  Pulling the receiver away from her face, she called to her husband.  "Jim and I have decided that you can take it down, dear."  Instantaneously, Stephen exited the den and walked quickly toward the garage.  "Oh, that made him happy?"

"Yeah, well.  You gotta let him win once and a while."  Jim said.

"What's up, kid?"  She asked, cradling the phone against her shoulder as she continued knitting.

"Not much."  He replied.  Larissa paused.  She knew her son loved her, but he never called her in the middle of the week just to chat with her.

"Yeah?  How's work?"  She questioned, hoping this would trigger something.

"Oh," Jim said, sighing.  "Michael's back from the Caribbean.  Just to paint a picture of how crazy everyone in this company is, he talked Jan into going with him."

Larissa laughed, throwing her head back.  However, she knew her son was deflecting something right now.  She just needed to figured out how to tap into it.  "And how's Karen?" 

Karen had been the topic of exactly no discussions for the last three months.  He had mentioned her in passing maybe half a dozen times since he moved back, but nothing to really cement his relationship status.  Even so, Larissa wasn't an idiot.  She knew this girl had followed Jim to Scranton, possibly even moved here because of him.  She had yet to meet her, but could tell that Karen was making Jim's life happier, however marginally.  For that, his mother was happy he was dating her.

"She's good."  He said it in a clipped tone, cutting himself off for a moment.  After several seconds, he continued.  "She's uh...moving, actually."  He exhaled a shaky breath. 

"Really."  Larissa was quite surprised but this.  Maybe she'd already decided that Scranton wasn't for her?  "What happened?"

Clearing his throat, Jim answered.  "Oh, she found a place just down the street from me."  He exhaled loudly.  "So..she's..moving."  He punctuated the last sentence with a sort of nervous chuckle. 

She could almost see him turning red over the phone.  Jim had always been cautious when it came to girls.  Despite his best efforts, he'd ended up with a girlfriend his junior year, Missy.  Larissa could remember him coming home from school one day, almost hyper-ventilating because she'd left books in his locker and what was that about?  They'd only gone to the movies a few times and now he felt like he had to take down his Jennifer Love something or other poster. She asked, "Is that bad?" 

"It's just kind of close is all," Jim reasoned, silently begging his mother to agree with him.  Nothing doing.

"She's not living with you, Jim."  She responded.  "I think you're being a little sensitive."

"That's what Pam said, too," he said softly.  And there it was, the reason for the call.

"Pam said that?" Larissa gently prodded.

Dead silence.  Larissa pulled the phone away from her ear to make sure it was still counting minutes.  Noticing it was, she pressed it back up against her ear.  "Yeah,  she.. she thinks I'm being hard on Karen by not wanting her to move so close."  He paused again.  "I mean, we've only been seeing each other like a few weeks, mom.  I just don't know that- I just don't know."

She gave her son three full beats before continuing.  "So, you're talking to Pam about problems with your girlfriend."

"She volunteered," he said flatly.  "She offered to listen to my problem, and then told me she thought it was a good idea for Karen to move into my neighborhood.  So, I guess any chance that she..." he trailed off, list in his own depressing thoughts now. 

"She might just be going for supportive, Jim," explained Larissa.  He didn't' say anything to that.  All of a sudden, there was a crash in the kitchen.  Rising from her seat, she stepped into the adjoining room.  There stood Stephen, struggling through the door with the Christmas tree storage box. 

"Jim, I gotta go.  Your father, in his fervor to de-festifize the house is going to break all of or furniture or kill himself."  She just shook her head incredulously at her husband. 

"Yeah, okay mom."  He sighed.

"She's trying to be your friend," Larissa implored.

"I don't want to be her friend," Jim answered plainly.  "And I'm pretty sure 'de-festifize' isn't  a word.  You used to be an English teacher, mom."  He added, turning on a dime.  That was her son, using humor as a defense mechanism. 

"Love you, Jim."

"Love you too."

She hung up, and started work on her husband's favorite holiday tradition.

*******

Larissa tied off another balloon, watching it float to the ceiling. There were several dozen floating there already. It was Stephen’s birthday, the big five-oh, and so, Larissa knew the only answer was to embarrass him horribly. She had reserved a private room at Cooper’s for the occasion.

Glancing at her watch, she realized she only had about forty-five minutes before people would start showing up. She pulled out the banner she’d had made earlier this week, stepping gingerly onto a chair to hang it. Her foot slipped slightly, causing her to topple off the chair.

“Whoa!” Strong hands grabbed her around the waist. Startled, she turned to see her son’s face staring down at her, his own eyes mirroring her shock. “Getting ready for the table dancing later, mom?”

She turned ungracefully in his arms and returned his embrace, allowing her heartbeat to slow. “Jim! You’re early!” He chuckled, stepping away from her. She watched as he rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, wincing. “Neck ache?” She asked.

“Um, I’ve just got a headache.”

“Did you take something?” She asked, putting on her patented worry face.

He smiled wearily, answering, “yeah”.

“Did you overdo it at that wedding last night?” Larissa questioned, using his shoulder to steady herself as she climbed back atop the chair.

Last week, he had mentioned in passing his invitation to the wedding of an older woman with whom he worked, seeming strangely excited about it. Not wanting to dig too deep into her son’s privacy, Larissa hadn’t asked why he was so looking forward it.

“No, mom. I swear, I’m not Jose Cuervo’s bitch.” She made a valiant effort not to give into the smile that was tugging at her lips.

“James!” She admonished, turning momentarily to glare down at him. “So, how was it?”

“It was…fine.” The pause he put in the sentence didn’t pass her notice. She looked at Jim, raising an eyebrow questioningly. “I mean, Michael tried to make the whole thing about him, and Meredith starting stripping and Kelly was in hyper-squeal mode, so…it was horrifying, just like I’m guessing you thought it would be. But Kevin’s band played, and Karen got up to sing a few songs, so…” Jim examined his shoes for several moments. He coughed, kicking at a black scuffmark on the polished dance floor. “Pam got back together with Roy.”

This news didn’t surprise her as much as it probably had him. Larissa had suspected for some time that if her son didn’t straighten everything out with this woman, it was likely she would start re-thinking breaking off her wedding. She watched Jim carefully, but he was purposely keeping his face as neutral as possible, not making eye contact with her. She let his words hang in the air for almost a full minute without responding. Finally, she spoke, lowering her voice. “Are you okay?”

Jim’s face went through seventeen different emotions, finally settling on disinterest. He shrugged, and then glanced up. “Hey, it looks good,” he said, pointing to the banner.

“That was a nice change of subject there,” Larissa shot back, hopping back off the chair she’d been standing on.

“Mom,” he said, closing his eyes for a moment. The naked pain that overtook his features took her aback.

“Here,” she stated, marching over to a nearby table. “You can help me put party favors on the tables.” He dutifully followed her, taking in the fifty-some snow globes with his father’s face in them. Chuckling, he grabbed a handful and started depositing them on tables. They worked in silence for several minutes, Larissa knowing she wouldn’t be able to get another word out of her middle child.

"So, do you think he's gonna like it, my boy?"

"No," he answered, nodding his head. She chuckled, letting the feeling of happiness her children infused her with wash over her.

“It’s just-“ he said suddenly, gaining her attention. Clamming up again, he thumped down another shakable embarrassment to his role model. Jim slid into a chair, slouching his shoulders as he leaned on the table in front of him. “There was this moment,” he continued, sighing. Silently, his mother took a seat opposite him. “When I was dancing with…with Karen.” He mindlessly shook a snow globe. “Pam…looked at me.” He finally made eye contact with Larissa and she felt tears prick her eyes. “She’s never looked at me that way before.”

“Yes, she has.” Larissa answered instinctively. “You’ve just never seen her.”

He stared at her for a long moment. There was almost a defiance in his expression, an unwillingness to listen, believe. “If that were true…” he stated softly.

“Hello?”

They both looked up to see Steve’s sister, Lily accompanying her mother into the room. Larissa rose to hug them both, Jim fast on her heels.

“Hey, grandma.” He greeted the eldest woman, stooping to hug her.

“Good grief. Are you still getting taller?” She asked him, patting his forearm.

“No,” he said, shaking his head with a false sadness. “You’re shrinking, I’m afraid.”

They stood at the entrance for the next half an hour, greeting everyone who came through the door. Larissa kept looking over at her son, chatting amiably with people she was sure he didn’t know. She wondered how someone could be so resilient, but soon realized it was only the appearance of resiliency. His smile would waver, his eyes darken.

Lily called Stephen, letting him know she was in town, and would he want to meet for dinner? The trap set, everyone started milling around, the generally excited chatter causing a buzz. Larissa stepped over to the brightly decorated food table, where several members of the wait staff were putting the buffet out. For some reason, there were tiny butterflies in her stomach. Large hands landed on her shoulders and she craned her neck around to look at her son, who was grinning at the spread in front of him.

“Whoa, you really went all out.”

“Yeah, well I’m sticking your father with the bill, so…” She hugged Jim, resting her head against his firm chest. “Quite a turn-out, huh?” She asked, turning toward the crowd.

“Yes. I didn’t realize you guys knew this many people,” he volleyed.

“I’m not sure they’re all in the right place, actually.” Larissa walked over to the bar, Jim following. “There’s a bar mitzvah next door, I think some of them are crashing.” He chuckled, grabbing the beer the bartender was holding out to him. They stood in silence for a few moments.

“I think I’ve been spoiled,” Jim said suddenly.

“I don’t know what impression you’re under,” Mrs. Halpert answered, “but you’re not even our favorite child, so I doubt it.” He smiled, but stayed still.

“You and dad,” he tried again. “You guys love each other so much.” Larissa blushed, ducking her head a little. “I just…I guess I just wish I’d known that that’s an exception and not a rule.”

She stared at her son, surprised. When she opened her mouth to answer, a commotion broke out near the door. Stephen had arrived. She and Jim approached her husband, as he shook his head incredulously, a thousand watt smile on his face. After kissing Larissa, Stephen embraced his son warmly.

Jim would be fine. He would go through work, go through life with that fake smile on his face. He would spend his time trying to please his girlfriend, his boss. In time, he would forget what love felt like.

And if terrified Larissa.

******