Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

They’re taking down all Office Olympic paraphernalia and thinking up ways to make Flonkerton more extreme. Pam suggests they light the boxes on fire and Jim accuses her of being sadistic. Her laughter rings in his ears and he thinks how easy it would be to just tell her. To tell her right now, in between her fits of giggles, and casually mention that she’s perfect. Then, as is almost always the case, right about the time he has enough adrenaline coursing through him to actually tell her, Roy shows up looking tired and impatient and gruffly tells her its time to leave. Jim focuses on the white paper doves in front of him, but sees the sadness on her face out of the corner of his eye. She begins to explain that she needs to help clean up and she only needed a few more minutes. At the sound of Roy’s exasperated sigh and him telling her to find another ride home if she’s not ready, Jim’s fist clenches and he’s gone and killed a dove. He hears Roy walking away and glances at Pam to try and gauge her reaction. Her delicate features are fraught with worry and she looks at him with a mixture of embarrassment and guilt. He can’t stand that look, so he holds up the dead dove and says that it appears the Olympics are already plenty extreme. Her face softens and she doesn’t have to say anything for Jim to know that she’s grateful for the laugh. Then she asks if he doesn’t mind finishing the rest so that maybe she can try and catch Roy before he leaves. Jim nods and assures her its fine and watches her rush to grab her coat and leave, a flurry of brown curls dancing on her shoulder blades as she takes quick steps. She pokes her head around the corner one last time to give him a quick wave before she’s off again, and he’s left alone holding a paper dove carcass. He looks at it and realizes that it’s only really funny when she’s there to laugh about it with him.

x

He’s not sure he’s ever spent a full fourteen hours with anyone before. Much less spending a good amount of that time reading quite possibly the worst screenplay ever written. But the long workday was broken up with fireworks, rooftops, and ham and cheese sandwiches that somehow taste better when the woman you love is sitting beside you. They stroll out the double doors of the office, laughing at the fact that it will only be ten hours until they stroll back in. Jim knows he’s being greedy by wanting even more time with her, but he pushes logic aside and brings out his iPod, hoping the idea of new music will make her stick around for another few minutes. Sure enough, she holds out her palm expectantly and he moves closer so they can both share the headphones. The beat is slow and they bob their heads to the rhythm. She’s close enough for Jim to see the small details of her face, etched in concentration while trying to absorb the lyrics and melody. He thinks it would make for a pretty romantic story if he said it while soft acoustic music played in the background. There are always soundtracks for every love story, and this single song could be theirs. But it’s cold and she’s yawning, taking the ear bud out and thanking him for yet another quality purchase of music. They walk in opposite directions to their cars and he tells her to have a good night, what little is left of it. She gives him a sleepy smile and he’s glad that it’s only a few hours until he gets to see it again.

xx

The smell of Lake Waullenwaupack in January is far from romantic. The stale air makes Jim feel a little sick, though that’s not the only thing making him nauseous. Pam says she just sometimes doesn’t get Roy and then looks at him as if she’s waiting for him to make a remark. And where the hell to begin, he thinks, with the multitude of reasons she’s with the wrong guy. She maintains eye contact before getting a coy smile and teasing him about dating a cheerleader. He laughs and tries to think of a witty response but all that comes to mind is how he would take the artsy type over the cheerleader any day. But his mouth can’t quite form the words so he just stares at her and instead of her looking shyly away, she stares right back. He doesn’t like the fact that Roy is right inside, getting increasingly drunk with each snorkel shot and if he were to see anything between them, Jim would be spending the rest of the night swimming to shore. But maybe she needs to hear that someone actually gets her and will spend the rest of his life doing it if she’d let him. Jim swallows hard, ready to go for it when she suddenly looks away and mutters something about the cold and walks away, leaving him leaning on the rail, thinking that the water couldn’t be nearly any colder than he currently feels.

xxx

Steve usually had his back when it came to Jim’s vending machine needs. But today he had failed him. One simple Coke is all it would have taken for him to be able to talk, call clients, and actually get work done. But her giddiness over watching him squirm in silence makes him think it might be worth it to slip Steve ten dollars and have him “forget” to refill the Coke on Thursday. They sit across from each other in the break room and proceed to have a one-sided discussion, Pam saying ridiculous things in an attempt to get him to break. But he holds strong, getting his own kind of revenge by watching her embarrass herself with her comments and not getting any reaction from him. She suddenly feigns shock and accuses of him having something really important to say. He merely shrugs and she says with mock seriousness that he can tell her anything. Ironically, it’s the silence that allows him to have the most honest conversation with her, even if she can’t hear it. The shift in his expression and downcast glance to the table was subtle but on the inside he was shouting the three words he had never had the courage to say. He hears Pam clear her throat and he looks to find her once grinning face now looking worried, almost fearful. The silence shatters as Toby walks into the room, pulling a water bottle out of the fridge. He looks back and forth between the two and Pam takes the opportunity to excuse herself and go back to work. When the door closes behind her, Toby asks him what that was all about. And despite how much he’d like to vent every frustration tormenting him at that moment, Jim merely shrugs. A jinx is like a promise, and he’s never broken one. Especially when it comes to her.

xxxx

He gets surprisingly emotional when he thinks that this could very well be the last Michael-schemed party he ever goes to. The transfer is ready and waiting to be accepted so when Jan says that he should tell someone about it, only one person comes to mind. He finds her in the parking lot, saying goodbye to Roy who happens to catch him walking up and asks him to look out for her. He tells him he will but mentally adds “better than you ever could.” When Roy drives away, he tries to keep his tone casual, despite the feeling of his heart pounding in his throat. She reminds him of how badly she beat him in poker and he laughs nervously before asking if they could talk, hoping she doesn’t notice how high-pitched his voice is. She continues to tease him and for once he’d wish she’d stop so he could get this over with. His intent is to tell her about talking to Jan, about the transfer to Stamford, about how it’s a great opportunity to move forward in a career, even if it’s not the ideal one. But something else comes out instead. Her face falls in disbelief and he figures that as long as it’s out there, he might as well follow through. Till he hears the words “I can’t” and he’s never felt so helpless in his life. He tries to be strong but it’s hard when he’s simultaneously fighting back tears. Still one manages to trail down his cheek as he walks away from her, forcing himself not to look back. It’s about ten minutes later that he goes up to the office because he can’t bring himself to force a smile around colleagues in the warehouse. He hears her on the phone and it doesn’t take long for him to figure out what she means by “I think I am.” The words are enough to push him towards her as he goes for one more chance. Just so later he can say he tried.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

 Two weeks after he proposed, Pam mentions her mom wants to throw them an engagement party.  Roy rolls his eyes, saying that it would be more of a burden for them than a celebration, except he says “pain in the ass” instead of burden and “fucking party” instead of celebration.  Pam corrects his language in her head a lot to soften the blow.  She speaks softly so as not to anger him more, and says that it would mean a lot to her.  He doesn’t say anything but just turns and walks out of the room, muttering under his breath how her mother is just grateful that she’s finally got Pam “taken care of.”  Tears begin to gather in her eyes and she blinks hard trying to get them to stop.  She looks down at her ring finger, still bare because Roy didn’t have a ring at the time he proposed.  He said he wanted them to pick it out together.  It’s been two weeks and she’s afraid to bring it up. She hears the bedroom door slam and she wonders if this is what her future holds.  She walks with some newfound courage in her step toward the bedroom, one hand poised and ready to knock.  Then the confidence shatters and she retreats to the kitchen where she calls her mom to say thank you but it’s just not a good time for a party and maybe when they set a date they can have a small get-together.

x

He promised several times that he would take it off of his computer.  But this is about the tenth time she’s found it and she feels utterly helpless.  She’s screaming at him in their living room and he won’t look her in the eye.  She uses words like “cheap”, “filthy”, “inadequate” and “why can’t I be enough?”  He goes to put a hand on a shoulder and she flinches away, but then she breaks down and starts leaving tear stains on his work uniform.  He pulls her close and breathes familiar phrases into her hair, using words like “Sorry”, “means nothing”, and “delete it all tonight.” She’s still shaky and without thinking blurts out “No.”  He takes her by the shoulders to look her in the eyes and it makes her shake even more.  He asks what she said, and she just shakes her head, mumbling “Never mind.”  She sleeps at her sister’s place that night, but he’s outside blaring the truck’s horn the next morning.  She listens to her sister beg her not to go with him, that she’ll give her a ride to work, but Pam sadly squeezes her hand and drags herself out to the truck.  She climbs in and he gives her a kiss on the cheek, making her crack a forced smile.  They don’t say a word the entire ride.

xx

She is tearing her cocktail napkin into little pieces, making white confetti on the bar.  He usually came back after storming out, after about fifteen minutes or so when he’d had time to cool off.  But it’s been about 45 minutes and Pam is starting to panic.  It was yet another insignificant fight, and she could barely remember what it was about but she thinks it might have started with the bartender smiling at her.  From there it escalated till Roy slammed his drink down and left the bar without saying a word.  She felt the bartender looking at her now but she didn’t want to look up. Not when she was so close to having an anxiety attack in the middle of Poor Richard’s.  Then suddenly her cell phone is out and she is dialing Jim’s number.  The words “Roy left” are barely out of her mouth before he says he is on his way and hangs up the phone.  He must have broken every traffic law in the book because he is there in five minutes when she knows he lives at least fifteen minutes away.  She’s a little dizzy when she gets up from the bar stool and he has to catch her elbow so she doesn’t fall over.  He doesn’t say anything for a while till finally he asks what she wants to do.  She manages to choke out “home”, and she can hear him make a slight grumble in his throat.  He puts an arm around her shoulders and simply says “Okay” and leads her out to the parking lot.  He drives slowly to her place and when they pull up Roy’s truck is in the driveway.  She gives Jim a small smile and politely says “Thank you.”  He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again, giving his head a small shake before replying “Anytime.”  She gingerly steps out of his car and gives a small wave before walking to the front door.  She hears the shower running and makes her way to the bedroom, undressing slowly and leaving her clothes in a pile by the bed.  She pulls on a nightgown and climbs into bed, not caring about the taste of beer still in her mouth or the makeup stains surrounding her eyes.  A few minutes later she’s still awake and Roy comes out of the shower.  He stares at her in bed for a moment and asks who brought her home.  She says she called a cab, rolls over and closes her eyes, begging for sleep to come.

xxx

Her knuckles are white from gripping the pamphlet so tight.  She’s embarrassed that they’re fighting at work, but it never occurred to her that he’d be so against her taking the internship. She looks down at the carpet while he rants about how it’s a dumb idea and it will never amount to anything.  But what she hears is that she’s dumb and that she’ll never amount to anything.  Receptionist and warehouse worker are at the same rung in the corporate ladder, and any change in that is apparently out of the question.  Then he brings up the wedding and how he set a date and did she really want to postpone it for some finger-painting?  Pam doesn’t think of herself as a violent person but feels like now might be an appropriate time to start.  But she keeps her palm at her side and feels him brush briskly by her.  After a few minutes, when she knows he’s back to work, she finds Jan outside leaning against the building and smoking a cigarette.  She says that now isn’t a good time to be doing anything outside of work, what with the wedding coming up and all, but thanks anyway.  Jan looks disappointed but nods in understanding.  Pam tries to hand the pamphlet back but Jan refuses to take it.  She pats Pam’s hand and says to keep it, just in case. She puts out her cigarette and crushes it with her heel and moves back into the office.  Pam feels a chill run through her and rubs her arms for warmth.  She turns toward the front doors and throws the pamphlet in a trashcan before going back inside.

xxxx

Its five days before her wedding and she’s sitting in a leather chair watching her fingernails be painted a light pink.  Her mother is next to her, chatting about the latest disaster with the caterer and the ordeal she went through with the florist.  Pam nods in the right places but continues to stare at her nails.  The manicurist is now working on her left ring finger, brushing on the nail polish and careful not to get any on the surrounding skin.  She compliments her ring and asks when the big day is.  Her mother answers for her and proceeds to unfold all of the carefully planned details.  Pam looks up at the TV hanging in the corner, the channel set to the news.  The weatherman predicts nothing but sun in eastern Pennsylvania for the next week.  He says that western Connecticut won’t be so lucky and mentions heavy showers expected on the coast and inland cities like Stamford.  She wonders if Jim brought his tattered brown umbrella she always teased him about or bought a new one when he moved.  After the nail salon, her mom takes her to lunch.  Pam picks at her salad while her mom tells the waitress all about the wedding and how she never thought it would get here.  Pam reaches for her iced tea when her hand is intercepted and thrown in front of their server, who gazes at her ring and says something about “being so lucky.”  Pam smirks as she observes that the freshman-in-college sounds an awful lot like Kelly.  She offers them dessert, on the house since it’s a special occasion, but Pam declines. After the waitress scurries away, she looks up at her mother who is looking at her with concern.  All she has to say is “Pam” and like flipping on a switch, Pam bursts into tears, covering her face with her hands.  Her mother gets up from her chair and wraps her arms around her, stroking her hair.  “Jim?” is all she asks and Pam nods.  Her mother asks for the check and they spend the rest of the day figuring out who to call and what to cancel.  Pam requests that she talk to Roy first and her mother takes her home.  Roy is sitting on the couch with Darryl when she walks in, the TV loud with the sounds of cheering fans and cracking bats.  She doesn’t say hello but instead asks Darryl if he wouldn’t mind leaving.  Roy begins to protest but she cuts him off, asking Darryl once again to give them privacy.  He agrees and says to Roy he’ll see him tomorrow at work.  When he’s gone, Roy asks what the hell was wrong with her and she sits down next to him, unable at first to look him in the eye.  Finally she meets his gaze and for the first time in their relationship, tells him exactly what is wrong.

xxxxx