Disclaimer: I do not own The Office. Really, that’s probably a good thing, because if I did if would probably turn into the “30 Minutes of Staring at John Krasinski Show” :O girlish sigh he’s so dreamy ;)!

Author’s Notes: Firstly, I know the idea has been done before, and I’m so sorry, because I was really trying to avoid writing with commonly used idea. In fact, right after the season finale, I started writing a fic about the thoughts of Jim and Pam during Casino Night, but by the time it neared completion, there were about 100 other fics doing the same thing. Then I started a fic taking place directly after Casino Night, but by the time I finished that, there were a 100 of those fics, so I decided to start this fic and sure enough, the “years later” theme has become pretty rampant at FFN, but I decided, forget it, I’m going to post this one and hope you can enjoy it anyway :) Also, you may notice I left what actually happened between Jim and Pam a little blurry. I did that purposely, because I wanted to make sure the story was concerned about the present more than anything else. I just hope it’s not confusing:(! Ok! Now onto the story! ;D

Blossom

Dedication: To every relationship that’s ever “spontaneously combusted” and every person that’s ever wished they could take it all back. Things seldom work out in real life, but then, that’s what fiction is for ;)

Honestly, she still thought about him.

Though, she would never admit it out loud and tried not even to admit it to herself. After all, it had been years now and she was sure he had moved on. She tried to convince herself she had too.

She didn’t want to be one of those people, the kind that lived in the past and wondered more about what could have been than what could be. She wanted to be the bold, exciting girl she promised herself she’d be the day she left Roy at the altar and got the hell out of Scranton.

Before Jim, it had never been in her nature to run. In fact, it had been in her nature to stand completely still. In earlier years, she told herself it was because she was solid and unbending. In truth, she was just too scared to move.

And that’ s why Jim had had to leave, because she refused to take a chance. He said he couldn’t sit there and continue hoping, if there was nothing to hope for.

She had been furious the first few months after he headed to Stamford. The night that he left, she had stood outside his door, screaming and crying that he was a liar and a coward. She was so lost as to what to do, so angry with herself and with the situation, she had flung her arms out to hit him, trying desperately to make him feel just a small portion of the pain she felt.

She would never forget how calm he’d stayed. It was infuriating to see his soft, understanding face when she was so confused, angry, and alive. She didn’t want to be the only one feeling all this; she didn’t want to be the only crazy one; she didn’t want to be the only one lost.

But he had been lost too, for a long time. He had been angry and confused and crying. Only a few months previous he had sat in his empty apartment and been furious with her and with Roy and with himself. In seconds, he tore up the Christmas letter he spent hours perfecting. He had yelled out of pure frustration; he had cursed, and he had thought he was the biggest, dumbest asshole in the world.

But, of course, she never saw that. All she saw was his calm, neutral face looking so unhappily towards her. She saw her own disappointment and embarrassment reflected in his blank stare. It wasn’t that he didn’t care; it was that it seemed hopeless now. He had done all he could, and now it was up to her. And as much as she screamed, cried, and accused, she never once said she’d leave Roy, never once admitted any kind of feelings for him. She never gave him any reason to stay.

Jim had quickly found that when you care so deeply about someone for such a long time, it becomes impossible to simply let them go. Pam had become an intricate part of his life before he even realized it. Pieces of her were twisted into all of his thoughts, hidden in such obscure places he didn’t even know to look. And after an end like that, where even friendship was obliterated, all he could possibly do to stop hurting was to hide from it, run from it, and never let it touch him.

So that’s what he did. The next morning he left for Stamford, leaving his desk drawer full of Olympic Yogurt lids, half-finished sketches, hot sauce packets, and other Pam memorabilia behind. He avoided ice-skating rinks and Chili’s at all costs and tried everything in his power not to think of her at all.

Pam found a different way to cope. It was a relaxed, unrealistic hoping that got her through the first few months. It was the constant, impractical belief that everything would work itself out in the end. Perhaps as far back as the day she had told a forlorn Jim about the engagement, Pam had harbored a tiny, subconscious hope that he would come rushing into the church to save her. But on the day of her wedding, she had stood at the front of that church till the very last minute, gazing down the aisle, until she realized she would just have to save herself.

That was the last real hoping she did. Heartbreak, she found, was a cycle in which love, hate, hope, and fear start off in clear stages but then melt into an unrecognizable blend of an emotion. It seemed to merge in time, too, as she went months without thinking of him at all, and then some days he was the only thing on her mind.

It was harder, she thought, when she was still in Scranton. She would look over to his empty desk and see him sitting there, look up from her papers and see him standing next to her. She would drift off into day dreams of their time together, watching the fuzzy memories in her head like old home movies, wishing she had paid closer attention then, so she could treasure each detail now.

On this particular day (or at least at this particular moment), she happily took refuge in the distraction of her painting. She sat with her paints scattered around, her knees tucked under her, and her hair in a lopsided bun. The mobs of tourists that constantly walked back and forth formed a sort of bubble around her as some paused behind her to look and others diverged in front of her to give her a clear view.

Jim was the one who first told her about the Cherry Blossom Festival in D.C. He had mentioned it in the most casual of conversations and when she said she’d never been, he naturally said one day, he would take her. Of course, those were just words; the expected kind of words that you spit out out of habits or manners, but that no one takes to have any real meaning.

And they didn’t have any meaning, at least, not until years after they were said. She went there the first year after she left Roy. She wasn’t sure of her reason, if she had expected to see him or having left Scranton, she just wanted to be somewhere that was somehow part of him again. It was, of course, tear jerking the first time. There were hundreds of couples scattered around the place and Pam was always almost certain Jim was among them, showing this beautiful spot to a girl that wasn’t her.

But as time went on, it stung less, and she was finally able to appreciate the beauty of it all. All the feelings tied to the spot, pain and happiness alike, only made it that much more special. She came every year not just to paint (the scenery was breathtaking) but to feel the range of emotions the place splashed on her, to be surrounded by feelings she let die anywhere else.

As the crowd began to move a bit more quickly, Pam’s bubble widened. Pam, of course, remained oblivious to it all, still fully emerged in her work. She bit her lip, using her smallest brush to delicately paint in the tiniest of white blossoms on a far off tree.

“Beautiful,” a somewhat stunned voice breathed behind her.

Pam was used to receiving compliments when she painted here. She didn’t consider it any sort of mark of her talent, really, just a result of the warm, friendly way this place made people feel. As she turned to say thank you, a small smile was already spreading across her face.

The smile dropped the instant she turned and a freezing, tingly feeling rushed through her veins.

“Jim?” she gulped, somehow her voice seemed to fluctuate through every pitch on the scale in that one word.

Jim suddenly felt the awkwardness of his height and the sting of every single blood cell in his body seemingly trying to escape from beneath his skin. He blushed and mumbled a low, “Pam.” Before he even knew what he was doing, he had leaned down and giving the strangest shoulder-hug he could manage.

Pam had no idea how to respond to her friend or to the sudden flood of feelings that had accompanied him. Her mind in disarray, she let her body decide what she would do next. And so in an instant, she was standing up and hugging a man she hadn’t seen in almost 4 years for all she was worth.

It took only a second for her to realize what she was doing, let go, and take two awkward steps back. They both blushed a dark red as Pam crossed her arms in front of her and Jim shoved his hands in his pockets.

“How have you been?” Jim breathed out, rocking slightly forward on his shoes. He was dying, adrenaline rushing to his head. Part of him was screaming that he should have never stopped when he saw her, part of him was screaming that he should have never let her go. Looking into her eyes for the first time in so long, the guilt he’d been suppressing began to rumble inside of him.

“Good,” she said, in a voice that sounded much less convincing than she intended. It wasn’t that she hadn’t been doing well, she had, but the anger she thought she had overcome was suddenly bustling to burst out. As she looked at him, everything, good and bad, started to rush within her. She begged herself not to cry, but she could feel the tears beginning to form.

They stood silently for a moment, both too overwhelmed to speak.

Jim, knowing he couldn’t allow himself to continue this conversation any further without at least attempting to apologize, put his hand out weakly, trying to express something he couldn’t really find the words for. “Pam, I…when I…”

She shook her head quickly, blushing harder than ever. “No, I know…I mean, me too…I just can’t…let’s not. Let’s just put it behind us.”

She wasn’t sure if that’s really what she wanted to do. A part of her still wanted to be angry. A part of her still wanted to pick apart everything that had happened and never let it go. But why do that? Why make herself cry again? Why pollute something so happy with something so very not?

With Pam’s confession, Jim looked directly into her eyes, but stayed still. He suddenly wondered why that wasn’t enough. Why, if they had forgiven (or at least forgotten) all of their past blunders, were they not currently in the midst of a loving embrace? There seemed to be some invisible force between them, making sure neither one took that obvious step.

With all the traveling he’d been doing lately, it was almost common occurrence that Jim met up with people from his past. From old acquaintances to estranged best friends, he had found the closer you were to a person in the past, the more difficult seeing them again was. It was a painful realization of the totality of change, a guilty realization of broken promises, and with Pam, a resurgence of feelings he had fought to put behind him.

The nervousness, he thought, was probably the worst part. To lose what he had always loved most about Pam, his ability to feel completely at home with her, was a blow he wasn’t sure he could handle. But Jim Halpert was a fighter; he refused to be taken down so easily. “Do you maybe want to grab a bite to eat or something?”

She smiled slightly; relieved the tension had been (momentarily) lifted. “That sounds great.”

Without another word, she had wiped her hands on her jeans and started packing up her supplies. Jim moved in to help, getting a closer look at her painting. “God,” he said with a somewhat regretful chuckle, “Even better than I remembered.”

Pam, currently bent over with her backside facing Jim, broke into a blush.

“I mean, your painting!” He winced, realizing his error. “Your ability…as a painter.”

She giggled in spite of herself, slinging her bag over her shoulder and carefully grasping the frame of the still wet canvas.

She followed him to a pizza shop while they went through the standard lines. When they stepped in, Jim requested a booth so Pam could sit her canvas there without damage. She smiled at his thoughtfulness.

“So,” he said, with a large exhale, as they sat.

Pam shook her head, laughing, “It never used to be this hard.” She picked her glass up with both hands (a habit that had always reminded him of how much like a little woodland creature she was) and took a big gulp. It was the first time he noticed how bare her hands were.

“Your ring?” he asked, too surprised to form an entire sentence.

She looked briefly at her hands, fairly sure she hadn’t worn a ring today.

“Oh,” she said, with sudden understanding. “That ring.” She laughed, “I haven’t worn that ring in four years.”

Jim was, needless to say, surprised. Lacking any sort of eloquence, he blurted out, “You finally dumped that jerk?”

For a brief second, Pam wasn’t sure how to react. No one had ever responded to her break up with Roy like that before. If it was anyone else, she may have reprimanded them or said something about Roy being a decent guy, but it was Jim, and all she could do was try and get out a small “Yeah” between giggles.

Jim nodded a thanks at the waitress as she placed their pizza down, but for some reason, was unable to wipe an immense grin from his face.

Thank you so much for reading! Please take the time to review; I really appreciate it :)! Part Two (two parts total) is all finished, just has to be edited and uploaded. It has a lot more action and a heck of a lot more dialogue ;)

Thanks!

Disclaimer: Don’t own The Office. Don’t even own a microwave :(

Author’s notes: I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the kind reviews! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I wish I could personally hug you all :) I’m so relieved you liked the first partand I hope this part doesn’t disappoint you! It’s a lot different than the first half of the story, and I hope that isn’t a bad thing :O! Oh! Also, for those of you who aren’t familiar with it, the Tidal Basin is the big lake/pond thing in D.C. that the cherry blossom trees circle. Honestly, I’m not sure about the legality issues, temperature, or general toxicity, but it is, after all, fiction ;)

Dedicated to everyone who was kind enough to review. Thank you so much :)!

Blossom

Part II

After a struggle for the check (in which Jim ended victorious), the two sat staring blankly at each other. Both thought the same thing, but Pam was the first to speak.

“What now?”

Neither had a real answer to the question, and there really couldn’t be one. Life moves on, whether affection does or not. Jim lived in New York now and Pam in Maryland. It had been too long, and time had taken any will they may have had for gambles.

“I’m in Washington till tomorrow,” Jim offered up hopefully.

“Me too,” Pam lied. She had checked out of her hotel room earlier that day. The words had just slipped out, and she knew she couldn’t take them back now.

Jim was unsure of what he was doing, why he was so unwilling to let go of her when it was inevitable, but he stumbled forward anyway because for some reason, around Pam, logic just seemed silly.

“We could probably still catch the fireworks,” he said.

She smiled and nodded, though he could have suggested bear wrestling for all she cared, as long as it meant a little more time together.

They made an awkward stop at Jim’s car, which Pam claimed was closer, to drop off her things, and then they headed towards the Tidal Basin. The walk back over seemed shorter as the two started joking and laughing again.

Pam began to develop a sort of scamper to make up for the immensity of Jim’s stride. Every so often he would look down and smile, both hating and loving the fact that she never ceased to be adorable. The sky grew darker and only brief sparks of lighting flashed through it.

“Guess no fireworks tonight,” Jim mentioned casually, glancing up just as it thundered.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Pam retorted playfully. She smiled at him briefly, but quickly returned her eyes to the ground, a barely visible blush tracing across her face.

And once again, more than ever before, Jim was desperate to break that barrier and scream out that he never stopped caring, and sure, he had moved on and dated and worked and became successful, but that (and this) only made him more sure that she was the one he cared about.

Of course, he had learned in the past that blurting out undying love was…less than successful. So he had played it by ear, letting her make the moves. But now…

“Are you seeing anyone?” he said, and winced as soon as the words came out. “I’m sorry. That was…blunt…I just meant…just curious.”

She smiled, sort of. She’d never been too good at hiding her emotions and now she was such a mix of excitement, disappointment, guilt, hope, happiness, and depression, there was no way a half-hearted smile was going to hide it.

“No,” she admitted. “I mean, I have…seen people. But no, nothing’s worked out.”

He nodded, stuck in a sort of limbo, wanting to take the next step, but being faced with a thousand reasons not to. There was another moment of silent walking.

“…what about you?”

“No,” he answered honestly, though he couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t have lied if he had to. “I’m not.”

“With your social grace?” she gasped in play shock. He grinned widely and gave her a light flick on the shoulder. She automatically assumed her so called “fighting” position; bent knees, fists out, bouncing back and forth on the toes of her feet.

Jim made a fake jab towards the stomach, throwing her off balance so he could quickly throw his arms around her waist. “Say ‘Jim Halpert is the most amazing, graceful human being I have ever met,’” he requested.

“Or what?” she snorted. It wasn’t that she had a problem saying it; in fact, she believed it wholeheartedly (save the graceful bit). She just wasn’t in any rush to be let go.

Really, he hadn’t thought his plan entirely through. He quickly scanned the area for possible threats. “Or I’ll toss you in,” he said, titling his head towards the Tidal Basin.

At that, Pam’s eyes suddenly lit up. “You know, I’ve always wanted to swim in there.”

Jim let go, becoming slightly apprehensive. “Pam...” he started, but she had licked her lower lip slightly and bit it, donning a sly little smirk. He knew after that, there was virtually no stopping her.

“Pam, it’s illegal, it’s cold, you don’t have a swimsuit on…it’s illegal.”

She was grinning mischievously now as she took off her sneakers. “Oh come on Halpert,” she coaxed. “Don’t be such a wimp.”

His stomach did an involuntary flip; he loved when she called him that. “I’m not a wimp,” he retorted, knowing full well he was. “It’s just a bad idea. Besides, that water’s a little iffy. It’ll probably destroy that lovely outfit.”

Pam, in paint stained jeans and large T-shirt, let out a large guffaw.

“You sure you won’t come in?” she asked, edging closer to the water.

He eyed her, eyebrows furrowed, decidedly unconvinced. “You’re bluffing.”

She shook her head with a smile. “Jim, Jim,” she laughed like a knowing mother, “You’d think you’d learn from your mistakes.” And with that, she jumped into the water.

Jim looked on in disbelief. His eyes were wide open, and he began laughing out of pure surprise. “Pam,” he said, unable to think of any other word. “This can not be the same mild-mannered, rule-abiding, receptionist Pam I knew in Pennsylvania.”

Kicking backwards gleefully in the water with her big shirt bellowing upwards, she grinned. “It’s not.”

Jim thought about this for a second. No, she was still Pam, he thought, she’d always be Pam. She had just gotten a little braver.

He shook his head as Pam paddled around, calling out about how nice the water was. “Alright, alright,” he sighed, removed his shoes and sweater, and waded in.

She applauded happily. “Now go under! Or are you afraid you’ll mess up your stylistically messed up hair?”

“Oh no, I’m sure it can’t look any worse than yours,” he grinned. That was true enough. Her long hair had fallen out of its bun and was clinging to her skin in a variety of angles.

“Oh really?”

She used all her strength and years of pool party experience to splash Jim with as much water as she possibly could.

“Oh, that’s it,” Jim said before dunking her into the water. An inevitable battle ensued, which continued long after the two were completely soaked through.

“I surrender!” Pam announced finally, through gasping breaths. “I surrender!” She climbed out of the water and lay down on a nearby hill.

Jim followed soon after, flopping down beside her. “It’s amazing how I win at everything,” he noted with a large exhale.

“You cheated,” Pam stated.

“Oh?” he turned to face her.

“You made me laugh,” she said, in almost a whisper, eyes locked on his. She smiled at him.

“God,” he breathed, overwhelmed with the idea as he watched her innocently tucking a strand of wet hair behind her ear. “You’re beautiful.” He would have held it back he could have, but it was the sort of thing that was so present in his mind that when he opened his mouth, it was the only thing that could possibly pour out.

Pam blushed, but forced herself to stay silent.

“I’m sorry about everything Pam, I acted-”

“We both did,” she interjected quietly.

“It sucks, you know?” he said, shaking his head, too angry to make himself sound eloquent. He searched for a way to explain. “It’s like…relationships are chemical reactions…and some just fizzle out…but ours…ours…spontaneously combusted.”

Pam laughed through emerging tears. It had been so fun to pretend like the past didn’t exist, and now he was forcing her to face it. “Dork,” she sniff-giggled, though she knew just what he meant.

He sighed, nodding slightly and wishing he had come up with slightly less nerdy metaphor. He looked back up at the sky. “What I mean is…I never stoppe...caring. But after everything…the fighting, the screaming, the moving, and everyone finding out…it’s…”

“Impossible?” she suggested weakly, sitting up as if waking from a dream.

He nodded and heard an echo that night, of her telling him “I can’t.”

“Or just about…” He laughed as he stared pensively at her, “I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed you.”

She tried her hardest not to let him see her cry, but it was apparent in her voice.“You have no idea…I just…I wish I could go back and change things…change how things happened…how I acted.” She paused, trying to think of a way to let him know he hadn't been alone. “I wish I had told you that I…” she couldn't let herself say it. She was confused and angry. It had taken her nearly four years to get over it the first time she lost him, and she didn't want to go through it again. Yet here he was, being so much like she tried to forget, that she couldn't help but fall for him again. "I wish you weren't you."

He laughed. In one beat, his heart flew to his throat and plummeted to his stomach. “SometimesI do too...I justwish wishing made a difference.”

“Yeah,” she agreed, wiping her eyes. They went silent for a second. Although, the physical barrier remained, a certain understanding was between them. Though neither had said it directly, they both knew if they had the chance to choose again, they would have chosen each other.

But they didn’t have that chance. Things had, as Jim put it, combusted. So there they lay, inches from each other when they might as well have been miles apart.

He looked over at her, her whole body soaked and now her eyes too, as they glistened over with tears.

“I still want to kiss you so much right now,” he admitted in the open air.

She turned to him, laying her cheek against the grass. “Then kiss me.”

He shook his head. “I can’t have this mean nothing.” He paused, as if reviewing the options. “But after all that’s happened and how things are now…what else can it mean?”

She shrugged. “I don’t care right now, Jim. Right now I just want you to kiss me, too.” She sat up, and he followed in suit.

They both stared at each other awkwardly, nervously; so much so neither knew what to do.

“So…” she said.

“It’s your turn,” he said, hoping she couldn’t hear his heart beating as loudly as he heard it. He wasn’t sure why he was prolonging something he wanted so badly, but something felt so different. It was as if it was all some sort of trick or dream and the second he leaned in, it would all collapse. He was scared, inexplicably and unstoppably terrified, despite the fact that everything was finally out in the open.

“My turn?” she asked, trying to keep from shaking.

He shrugged slightly. “I kissed you last time.”

She let out an awkward laugh. “I…can’t…I”

But he only stared. “Jim..I…” she agonized.

“I did it last time,” he repeated, as if it made any difference.

“Oh God,” she groaned. In her whole life, she had never once leaned in for a first kiss, or a second for that matter. She knew if she didn’t, he might not either, and she might never get to kiss him again. Yet, she was paralyzed too, by the same ridiculous fear and anxiousness. She stuttered out some more excuses, asked for promises of friendship and phone calls, and finally let out a fairly high-pitched, “Screw it!” She failed her arms out quickly and then jumped forward hands first, catching the back of his head and then kissing him forcefully on the lips.

With that, all awkwardness and questions were lost because finally, it was reality. They were kissing each other and no one had died or laughed or jumped backward. Nothing collapsed. The world hadn’t ended. And with all those happy realities, their kiss grew more involved as they fought to make up for all their lost time. They tangled themselves in each other, and yet they somehow felt freer than ever before.

It was only the dinging of Pam’s cell phone that separated the two. She pulled it out quickly, instinctively. It was an alarm set to remind her of the last bus home. She winced slightly.

“Who was it?” Jim asked, grasping her hand tightly and kissing her gently down the neck with surprising courage.

She laughed. “I just missed the last bus home.”

“I thought you were staying till tomorrow?”

“I lied,” she said, knowing now she needed no explanation.

“Good. Stay with me,” he whispered, stroking her wet hair.

Pam raised an eyebrow. “Jim Halpert, do you really think I’m that easy?”

He pulled nervously at the bottom of his wet shirt (which he only just realized had been lifted half off his body), his previous confidence shot.“No, not at all-I just meant-“

“I was only kidding,” she comforted, giving him a quick kiss. Meekly and blushing she added, “…I think I’d like that.”

He grinned, blushing slightly as well, and got up

She took the hand he held out for her and couldn’t help but emerge him in a tight hug. Now that she had finally gotten to touch him, she felt as if every moment she wasn’t was a waste of time.

“And tomorrow?” she asked, voice muffled as she pressed her face closely to his chest.

He kissed her on the forehead and squeezed her shoulders, which were beginning to shiver from the cold. “Tomorrow we figure out tomorrow.”

That was all the answer she needed.

Fin.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it (or at least didn't hate it!) :O! I left the ending pretty loose because I think the first step, breaking that "barrier", is the most important part ;) Reviews are appreciated so much, if you have the chance to write them :D

Thanks again:)