Pam finally emerged from the water, still flushed from her moment of truth-telling but starting to feel foolish. She had no idea what Jim’s response would be to the words that had tumbled from her mouth. She couldn’t even bring herself to look for him. What if he and Karen had their heads together and were laughing at her? What if they were holding hands? What if they were, oh God, kissing?

She knew one thing: There was no way that she was going to ride back to the office on the bus with Jim and Karen sharing a seat, whispering about her outburst into each other’s ears. She was working on being more courageous, but that was too big a stretch for one day. So she called a friend from her art class and asked if she’d mind driving to the lake to pick her up. Thankfully Allison had been home and had been willing.

Then she tracked down Phyllis, trying not to make eye contact with the rest of the group, and told her that she’d be staying behind while everyone else got on the bus, including a possibly hypothermic Andy, who’d been fished from the water when she noticed him bobbing along as she was cooling her heels.

Phyllis, bless her, understood. She gave Pam a quick hug, then slipped her a vial of pepper spray from her purse. “You never know who might be lurking out here. I don’t like the thought of you being alone and unprotected. After the flasher, I started carrying this, you know”

Pam thanked her and stuffed the canister in her pocket, then eased away from the group, back into the darkness. She purposely kept her back to the group, not wanting to watch Jim and Karen climb on the bus together.

Although she was some distance from the group as they started to board, she heard Michael promising to lead them in singing “5,000 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” Meredith asked why they had to start with such a high number, and Angela objected to singing a song that glorified the consumption of alcohol. Michael began to drown out their protests with the first chorus as the bus finally – finally! – pulled away.

Pam wandered back to the now-extinguished coal walk, marveling that her feet didn’t hurt more than they did. Still, sitting might be good.

She walked along the lakefront, looking for a bench that gave her a view of the water but that kept the road in sight so she could see Andrea pull up. Finding a likely prospect, she sat down with a sigh, then dropped her head in her hands. She didn’t know whether giggles or tears would escape if she let them. Her insides felt coiled like a Slinky.

The silence stretched out. The silvery moon was the only object casting light, and Pam wished she had a thicker jacket.

And a bodyguard. Phyllis was right; it was lonesome out here. Even in those awful days after she’d called off the wedding, Pam didn’t think she’d ever felt this alone. She started to shiver.

Checking her watch, she estimated that Allison was about 30 minutes away. She settled in to wait, and then she heard a scuffling in the sand behind her. Her heartbeat picked up. She was alone out here. The Dunder Mifflin group was the only one here today, and they were long gone.

Slowly, she snaked her hand into her pocket and grasped Phyllis’ pepper spray. As the scuffling got closer, she tensed. Courage, she thought as she jumped up and whirled around, brandishing the pepper spray like Uma Thurman wielding a katana.

“Jim!” she gasped.

“Whoa!” Jim raised his hands in the air in mock surrender and backpedaled a step or two. “I had no idea you were armed, Beesley.”

“What are you doing here?” she blurted, stuffing the pepper spray back into her pocket. “The bus is gone!” Her surprise covered the mortification she felt at being alone with Jim so soon after her coal-fueled confession.

“I know,” he said. “I called Mark for a ride. What about you?”

“Oh, I, uh, wasn’t looking forward to the bus ride back with, uh, people, so I called a friend and asked her to pick me up.”

“Huh,” Jim said. “Guess it’s just you and me for a while.”

“Guess so,” Pam replied, hoping her voice wasn’t coming out all squeaky the way it sometimes did when she was nervous.

They were silent a moment.

“Jim, I –”

“Listen, Pam –”

They’d spoken at the same time and broke off flustered and laughing. For a moment, if felt normal. Real. Like Jim and Pam, not the strangers they seemed to have become.

“Me first,” she said. “Sit down.”

She plopped down on the bench and grabbed the hem of his shirt, tugging him down.

“I’m sorry if that took you by surprise. I’ve been trying to swallow all those feelings all year, but it was getting harder and harder to keep pretending. I just needed to say that to you, out loud. I could’ve picked a more private setting, I guess.”

Jim smiled. “You guess?”

“OK, I could’ve picked a setting that didn’t include Dwight. And Angela. And Michael. And …”

“And what?”

Pam bit her lip. “And your girlfriend.”

Jim’s face tightened.

“Actually, she’s not my girlfriend anymore.”

Pam jaw dropped in surprise. She probably looked like a fish gasping on dry land, but she didn’t care. She felt a little like a beached fish, struggling to breathe.

“Oh, God. Because of what I said? Oh, Jim. I wanted to be honest, but I never wanted to hurt you, or her.”

“Not because of what you said. Because of how I reacted. Because of what I said to her afterward.”

“What did you say?” Pam asked faintly. Was there any chance that – no, surely not. She’d ruined her chance with him, as friends or anything else.

Jim turned to face her, looking her squarely in the eyes for what seemed like the first time in months. A year, probably.

“I told her the truth,” he said. “Finally. The truth is that I tried so hard to stop. To stop thinking about you. To stop wishing that things were different. To stop comparing Karen to you. To stop hating you for going back to Roy. To stop …”

He cut off abruptly. Then, in a low voice, “… to stop loving you.”

“Jim.” Pam’s voice was soft, tender. She tilted her head, and placed her palm on his check. “I’ve been wanting to say this for so long. I lied to you last year. I lied to myself last year. I think I’ve loved you for years. I was just too scared to admit it. I don’t think I even recognized it as love. It was so different from what I felt for Roy, so much stronger –”

Jim cut her words off with his lips. He kissed her fiercely. It wasn’t the tentative, soft kiss from last May. This kiss was sure. It was hungry. And she responded, linking her arms around his neck and leaning into his lean frame. With a groan he pulled her closer, hauling her onto his lap, never breaking their kiss.

The wind picked up, but they didn’t notice. The smooth surface of the lake turned choppy, but they didn’t notice. Clouds drifted across the sky to cover the moon, but they didn’t notice.

Then Pam’s cell phone rang. They noticed. Dragging her lips away from Jim’s – how on Earth had she been able to resist that mouth for as long as she had? – she grabbed her phone from her purse.

“I’ll throw this into the lake right now to make it stop,” she said, her breathing ragged. Jim laughed and hugged her closer to him. Pam checked the caller ID. “It’s my mom. I’ll call her back.”

Pam snuggled even closer to Jim, then laughed.

“Um, do you have a can of pepper spray in your pocket, too?”

“What? No.” Then Jim blushed, and Pam laughed even harder. He started to seek out her lips again when two sets of headlights swept across their bench.

“It would appear that our rides are here,” Jim said.

“It would appear so.” Pam made no move to move off of his lap. It was so much more interesting to play with his hair.

“You don’t suppose …”

“I’ll ask.”

Jim picked Pam up and set her down on the bench, then trotted over to Mark’s car. He had a quick conversation with him and then turned to consult with Allison. Pam heard the slamming of car doors and the squeal of tires. Then Jim ambled back to the bench, whistling and swinging a set of car keys.

“Allison’s dropping Mark off at the apartment, and Mark says we can keep the car all night. So what do you want to do now? We can stay here at the lake, go grab some coffee, find an all-night tattoo parlor …”

Pam bounced off of the bench and grabbed Jim’s hand, dragging him toward the waiting car.

“You and me. My place. We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?” She grinned at him over her shoulder.

Jim stopped her long enough to kiss her again, then ushered her to the passenger side door. As he pulled onto the highway, he reached over and claimed her hand, bringing it to his lips, brushing kisses over her knuckles. Her whole body felt alive as she and Jim exchanged smiles, both of them giddy with love.

I think I like this courage thing after all, Pam thought.