Pam stood in front of her bedroom mirror for about the twentieth time since getting dressed. She knew nothing had changed from the last time she looked, but she was nervous and the only other way to kill ten more minutes was to call her mother, and she wasn't quite ready to confess the recent changes, especially since she wasn't yet sure how it was all going to end. This was just a first date, and it was just Jim - so why did it feel like the most important moment of her life?
She closed her eyes and took a few deep breathes. She was going to screw everything up if she didn't relax. You already have him, she told herself. He came back from New York because of you. There is nothing to prove tonight. She wished she could believe it. Despite what Jim had already said, it still felt like some sort of final test. She wanted tonight to be perfect, so that they'd both know all the waiting and hurting had been for a good reason. That they really were made for each other. It seemed like a tall order to expect from a dinner date, and she knew that, so she sighed and walked away from the mirror, and headed out onto her front porch for some fresh air.
It was a reasonably warm night for May, and Pam sat on her front porch steps comfortably without a jacket. She was wearing her favorite jeans, her comfortable leather sandals, and the red blouse she had purchased online this past the summer. It has been sitting in her closet since the day it arrived, after that disastrous afternoon wearing it at the office. But tonight was the right night to bring it back out. It made her feel pretty and confident, and she knew it played up two of her best assets. She laughed at herself at the thought, wondering how much of Michael had rubbed off on her after all these years at Dunder Mifflin.
She thought back to earlier today, when Jim had left the office without telling her what to expect, or even what to wear. She called him on his cell phone, where he'd picked up on the first ring.
"Beesly," Jim answered.
"Wow, is that your new greeting?" Pam laughed.
"It's called the wonders of caller ID, Pam. You should try it sometime."
"Dork," she teased. "Hey, you didn't tell me where we are going tonight."
"Hmm. To be honest, I hadn't thought that far in advance yet."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Where would you like to go?"
Pam thought a moment. "I don't know. Somewhere casual though."
"You're sure? I'm paying."
"Yeah, I'm sure," she replied. The sound of his voice, sounding so happy in her ear, made her feel brave. "I'm stressed enough as it is without having to remember the difference between the salad fork and a regular fork."
"Stressed?" She could hear him smile. "Why would you be stressed?"
"Oh I can't imagine why. Maybe it's the hot date I've got set up for tonight."
Jim laughed. "Hot date? No pressure there."
"Exactly."
"Great, now I'm stressed."
Pam laughed even now, hours after the conversation. How was he able to do that? Even in the midst of chaos, he could make her smile. She realized that maybe she could just relax and enjoy tonight. It had been a long time since she felt that way.
She saw his car pull into the parking lot and fought the urge to run over and meet him. She couldn't resist smiling, however, and by the time he came up the path to her front porch she was standing on the bottom step, practically bouncing on her toes. So much for playing it cool, she thought.
"Hey," she called.
"Hi," he smiled. "You look beautiful."
"Thanks, you aren't looking so bad yourself." In faded jeans and a green and white striped rugby pullover, Pam had to admit that he looked very nice indeed. Despite all the years she'd known him, she'd only seen him in outfits that didn't require a tie less than a handful of times. He looked so different in jeans, she thought. Younger, maybe. More interesting, definitely.
She grabbed her purse and followed him to his car. He held the car door for her as she slid in, carefully shutting it behind her. When he got in the driver's seat, he sat there for a moment, not immediately starting the car.
"Is everything okay?" She asked.
He tapped the center of the steering wheel nervously. "Listen, I know we have a lot to talk about." He glanced over at her. "But I was hoping we could just kind of shelve all of that tonight, you know? Just make tonight about you and me, and see if we still remember how to have fun together."
Pam felt her nervousness dissipate when she saw his anxious look, replaced instead with a warm, fuzzy feeling of love. She couldn't resist putting her hand on his arm - she'd have given him a hug if it would have been more practical. "I think that's a wonderful idea," she enthused. "And I would be pretty surprised if we forgot how to have a good time together."
He rewarded her with a slight blush and a brilliant smile, and started the engine. They decided on Cugino's, a silent nod to the past with hopes that this time things could turn out a bit differently.
"I'm assuming you aren't going to tell me this time that you are engaged to someone else," he whispered as they were lead to their booth.
"Nope, not engaged," she replied, sliding into the seat across from him. "But I should tell you that I am sort of sweet on someone. I hope that's not going to be a problem."
Jim's eyes crinkled up as he smiled at her from behind his menu. "No, no, that's fine. I'm kind of dealing with a crush of my own."
"Oh, well good luck with that," she grinned, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Thanks, I'm feeling pretty good about it, actually."
"I'm glad to hear it," she continued, trying to read the menu. "I think things are going to work out nicely for me, too."
"Well he's a very lucky guy then," Jim said. "You are quite a catch."
"I don't know about that," she giggled. "But I'm sure you'll make her very happy."
"That would be a nice change, wouldn't it?" He replied.
The approaching waitress delayed Pam's response to that, so instead she reached across the table and held his hand as they put in their drink and appetizer order. As the waitress walked away, Jim leaned over the table.
"She's going to think we're a couple if you keeping doing that sort of thing," he said, glancing meaningfully at their linked hands.
She leaned in as well. "That's fine by me," she replied, "and no fair making references to things we will talk about at another time, do you understand?"
Jim tilted his head and gave her a smile she hadn't seen in ages. "Absolutely I do."
They spent the meal catching up on their day - Pam tried to explain Schrute bucks while keeping a straight face, and Jim talked about how Jan's assistant Hunter looked like he was all ready to lead the charge if New Romanticism came back to the forefront of the music scene anytime soon. Mostly they kept their talk light, their stories funny, and paused just to stare at each other as if they really could not believe this was happening. Occasionally a reference to Karen or Roy would slip out, but they were very forgiving of each other's inability to stick to their rule for the night. As they split a large portion of tiramisu, Pam looked like she was about ready to pout.
"What's the matter?" Jim asked.
"This evening is going by much too fast," she replied, scooping another spoonful of the rich dessert. "I feel like it's over before it even really started."
"Who says it's over?" he mused, arching an eyebrow at her. "I don't have a curfew."
"But what could we do on a Thursday night?"
"Well, last I checked, there were these places called cinemas, where - and correct me if I'm wrong," he grinned, "they do show movies. Even on Thursday nights."
She blushed slightly. "You don't have to mock me."
He squeezed her hand. "Can I help it if you're adorable when you forget obvious things?"
"Shut up," she blushed harder and pulled the dessert plate closer. "Just for that you have forfeited the rest of the dessert."
Jim grinned. "Not a problem. I need to save room for popcorn."
When they arrived at Steamtown Mall's cineplex, one movie poster caught Jim's eye. "Perfect," he said as he pulled her over to it. "We can still make it to the late showing of 28 Weeks Later."
Pam rolled her eyes. "Oh, no. Absolutely not." She shook her head adamantly. "No way."
"Oh come on," he nudged her, using the opportunity to slip his arm around her waist. "I know you loved the first film. Don't you want to see what happens next?"
She elbowed him lightly in the stomach. "I don't think so," she said, a small smile peeking through. She slipped her arm around his waist as she pulled him toward the box office line. "But I'd be willing to go see Shrek the Third."
They bickered amiably over which film they were going to see as they stood in line. They'd shifted position and now stood hand-in-hand, but standing so close together that is was impossible to mistake them for anything but a couple in love. There was only one cashier on duty, so the line was moving slowly, and Pam had just looked up at Jim after laughing at something when all Jim could think about was how much he wanted to kiss her. Right there, in front of the entire movie complex. He might even had done it, if he hadn't suddenly heard a familiar voice.
"Dude, what are you doing here?"
Jim turned around to find Kevin Malone standing right behind him. "Hey, Kev," Jim said, trying his best to sound happy to see him.
Pam stepped from behind Jim. "Hey, Kevin," she said cheerfully.
"Hey, Pam. What are you guys doing here?" Kevin asked again.
"Um, going to see a movie." Jim replied. He glanced over at Pam, who was warning him with her eyes not to make her laugh. He squeezed her hand in reply. "What are you seeing?" Jim figured that whatever Kevin was going to see he and Pam would definitely avoid.
"I just got out of Spiderman 3," Kevin grinned. "It was awesome. Unbelievably awesome." He looked up at the movie times and looked back at his co-workers. "Hey, if you guys are here to see Spiderman, I'll gladly sit through it again. Stacey's out of town so I really don't have anything else to do tonight."
"Oh no," Pam spoke up. "I have a nephew that I promised to take to see Spiderman, so I don't think we're seeing that tonight." Jim gave her strange look, wondering when she'd gained a nephew, but said nothing.
Kevin looked almost crestfallen, then he noticed that Pam and Jim were holding hands. "Hey, you're here on a date, aren't you?" He said slowly, a smile spreading across his face.
Jim made a guilty face and shrugged his shoulders. "You caught us."
"Wow, and I didn't even get a chance to give you the list I'd been working on." Kevin leaned over to Jim. "You should know that you made the right decision. I ended up picking Pam, too."
Jim ignored Pam's inquisitive look. "Uh, great - thanks. I'll look forward to reading that list tomorrow, okay?"
Kevin made a thumbs up sign. "Excellent. Well, you guys have a Good Time," he said, emphasizing the last two words like he were speaking to foreigners. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." He broadly winked at Jim as he walked away.
They tried to hide their giggles until Kevin was out of earshot, with only mild success. "What list?" Pam asked immediately.
"What nephew?" Jim countered, hoping to change the subject.
"Well, I didn't think we wanted a chaperone," Pam grinned. "Now what list was he talking about?"
"Please, you don't want to know."
"Tell me."
"I thought we weren't going to talk about heavy stuff tonight."
"I'll make an exception. It will drive me crazy all night if you don't tell me."
"Okay," he sighed, "Early yesterday Kevin came up and asked me who was hotter - you or Karen."
Pam smirked. "Oh, this is good. Do I want to know what you said?"
"I told him I wasn't going to have that discussion. Instead he started telling me all the various advantages each of you had, and I finally told him to spend the rest of the day making a list and for him to let me know what his decision was."
"Wow. You are corporate material. You should consider going into politics."
"Right. Like if I would have made any indication of preference it wouldn't have gotten all over the office in five minutes. I was just saving myself some grief."
"Oh, you mean like how everyone's going to know about our date now?"
Jim leaned into her. "Nah, I don't care who knows about that."
Pam smiled and said nothing. When they reached the box office she looked up at Jim expectantly, and when he bought two tickets to Shrek the Third she stuck her tongue out at him victoriously.
"Nice manners," Jim laughed. "I just thought with this being a first date and all, that I would bow to your choice."
She plucked her ticket out of his hand. "Well, get used to it. My choices usually are the correct ones."
"We'll see," he said, pulling her closer. "I expect to get something in return for the compromise, though."
Pam raised her eyebrows. "You can dream," she laughed.
True to his word, Jim ordered popcorn. Pam was still stuffed from dinner, but agreed to share a lemonade. As the were walking into the theatre, Pam started up their conversation again.
"So who won?"
"Who won what?" Jim lead her up the stairs to one of the back rows of the theatre.
"The list. Did Kevin say if he picked me or Karen?"
Jim sat down in the middle of the row, practically underneath the projection room window. "Well, you did, obviously."
Pam sat down next to him. "Oh, right. Obviously."
"Well, yeah," Jim said offering her some popcorn. "I'm pretty sure you won based on Kevin's most important criteria. I mean, at least I think it was probably his most important because it was the first thing he mentioned."
Pam rejected the popcorn and took a sip of lemonade. "And that was?"
"Breasts." Jim grinned. "Kevin apparently noticed you have bigger breasts."
"Good Lord," Pam replied. "I suppose I should have known better than to ask."
Jim nodded. Pam took another drink of her lemonade, a devilish smirk appearing. "So is that the real reason you're here then?"
Jim looked confused. "What?"
"Did you pick me over Karen because I have bigger breasts?"
"Well, no," Jim replied, "I mean, of course not. I don't even know what your -" The look on his face caused Pam to giggle. "You are very evil," he finally said, taking the lemonade out of her hand and drinking a long sip. "Just evil."
Pam laughed again and pushed up the armrest between them. "Are you blushing?" she teased, moving closer to him. The lights dimmed slightly as the previews started.
"Shh," he said, looking ahead and trying to sound serious. "I'm trying to watch the movie."
"Oh, right," she replied, moving away from him. She could play his game, too. Soon his arm was up and around her shoulder, pulling her back to his side.
"That didn't mean you had to go anywhere," he whispered in her ear. The sound of his voice so rich and low made Pam shiver slightly, and tucked in a little closer. She suddenly regretted her decision not to go see 28 Weeks Later, knowing that it would have given her the perfect excuse to cuddle up next to him. Being this close to Jim in a darkened room certainly didn't make movie watching the first thing on her mind. She hoped it wasn't the first thing on his mind either.
As the movie started, Pam was very conscious of her hands. More specifically she was conscious of the fact that she didn't know where to put her hands. Her legs crossed towards Jim, she had her left arm resting on the armrest, and the right sat carefully in her lap. But with her head leaning slightly against his shoulder, she fought the urge to put her hand on his leg. It seemed the natural thing to do, but was that too forward? She could feel Jim's eyes on her and turned her head toward him.
His look of pure affection surprised her slightly, and made her indecision moot. She put her hand gently on this thigh, and felt a release of butterflies in her stomach as she did so. His leg was warm and firm under her hand, and she could feel his fingers against her shoulder, but what really affected her was the fact that she knew he was about to kiss her. She knew that as certainly as she ever knew anything. And she thought as their lips met that she had never wanted anything more.
It was sweet and soft and gentle, as most really good first kisses were, even when they weren't technically first kisses. It made her feel giddy and lightheaded and completely oblivious to the film and the packed theatre. As Pam leaned in, her left hand moved across to rest on his stomach. Except in her distracted state she misjudged the distance, instead resting her hand firmly on the fly of his jeans. Jim literally jumped up in surprise, and Pam immediately pulled back in embarrassment.
"Oh my God," Pam whispered a little too loudly. "I am so sorry!" She could feel herself flushing crimson, as she heard Jim's muffled laugh. She was wishing the chair would swallow her up when she felt him pulling her closer with the arm that was still around her shoulder.
"I had no idea you were that kind of girl," he whispered in her ear, his amusement still evident.
"Shut up," she whispered back, folding her arms across her chest.. "It was an accident."
"Sure it was."
Pam kept her eyes on the screen, but she could feel Jim's breath still on her neck, his forehead resting against her temple. He reached over and put his right hand on hers, pulling it back onto his leg. "You want to try that again?" he asked softly.
"No," she replied, but her smile gave her away.
"Chicken," he said, kissing her cheek. She turned her head to reply to that taunt, when he caught her with a kiss. Whatever she was going to say was lost, and she resigned herself to letting him win that round. It wasn't as if losing didn't come with benefits.
It was fair to say that the rest of the film seemed to pass more or less in a blur, as the drama unfolding between the two of them was exponentially more interesting. Fortunately there was no one sitting on either side of them, but did their best to behave as if there were. They tried to keep their kissing quiet and discrete, interspersed with moments where they actually tried to act like they were watching the film, but they couldn't seem to pull it off for very long. When they weren't busy kissing, Jim seemed to enjoy reaching across Pam to grab the lemonade cup, only to take about half a sip and reach back across to put it back. Pam caught his eyes wandering over the low collar of her red blouse on more than one occasion as he did that, and when the film ended and the lights came up, she was smirking openly at him.
"What?"
"Don't give me what," she replied, standing up. "And you have the nerve to accuse me of being fast."
Jim smiled broadly, standing to follow her out of the aisle. "I don't know what you are talking about."
"Really?" She replied, looking back over her shoulder at him. "So looking down my shirt was just how you like to drink your lemonade?"
He put his hand on her shoulder as they walked out. "I wasn't looking down your shirt."
"Like hell you weren't," she laughed.
He was standing right behind her as they slowly followed people out of the cinema, and leaned his head over her shoulder. "Oh, you mean like this?"
She glanced up. "Stop it," she said, leaning back into him.
"Because now I'm definitely looking."
"Stop. It." She giggled.
Once in his car, the drive back to Pam's house was unusually quiet. Jim held her hand as he drove, and Pam put the window down to let the breeze blow through the curls she'd taken so much time to create hours earlier. When he pulled into a parking spot closest to her apartment, Pam practically leapt out of the car. She didn't want to give him the chance to just end the date there. She walked around the car and opened his door.
"Come on, slowpoke," she joked, offering her hand.
"Lead the way," he smiled, and followed her up the path.
The key was already in her hand, and she pushed her front door open. "After you," she invited.
"Thanks." Jim walked in, finally getting a look at the apartment he'd first heard about months ago. "This is really nice, Pam," he commented. "I can tell it's your apartment."
She locked the door and turned around. "Is it all the clutter that gives it away?"
"No," he smiled. "I can just tell."
The approval in his tone buoyed Pam's spirits even more. This night was turning out even better than she could have possibly hoped, and without thinking she walked over and pulled him into a kiss. Within moments slow and gentle turned impassioned, and they clung to each other like they simply couldn't let go. Pam pulled back long enough to nudge him over to her couch, where she climbed eagerly across his lap and they continued as before.
It was hard to know how much time had passed when she finally sat back in his lap, his arms wrapped around her. They were both breathing hard, and with her hips still pressed intimately against his, she knew he was reciprocating her feelings. She knew they should take things slow, but she felt like they'd taken things slowly for years. She was tired of waiting. Not when she knew exactly what she wanted.
"I don't suppose I could convince you to stay," she said softly, her fingers playing with the edges of his shirt collar to hid her nerves.
Jim eyes widened at her suggestion. "Stay?" He repeated. "That sounds wonderful." Pam leaned in to kiss him again, but he put his hand over her mouth. "But what do you want to happen here tonight, Pam?"
"Everything," she replied, kissing his fingers.
She met his gaze and saw a conflicted look in his eyes. She felt uncertain, and worried she'd said the wrong thing. "What's wrong?"
"Pam, I have waited a long time for this moment. I don't want it to just be an afterthought to the evening."
"It's not," she protested. Suddenly she felt very foolish, and knew she had made assumptions she shouldn't have made. "I mean, I thought you wanted...."
"I do, trust me," Jim said, aware that she was becoming upset. "I'm just not sure tonight should be the night we do everything."
Pam stood up, biting her lower lip hard. She would not embarrass herself any further by crying in front of him. "Will you excuse me? I have to use the bathroom." She turned and fled down the hallway before Jim could even reply.
The sound of the slamming door told Jim things weren't exactly turning out the way he'd planned.
Pam slid down the wall and onto the floor, her elbows resting on her bent knees and the palms of her hands pushing into her eyes. She sobbed, and despite the pressure of her hands, tears still managed to make their way down her face. What the world was wrong with her? Was there ever going to be a time when she didn't take it into her own hands to destroy the very thing she wanted?
She angrily brushed the tears away and rested her head against her knees. She was completely mortified. Not only had she so brazenly thrown herself at Jim, she practically begged him to stay when he'd made it quite clear he didn't think it was a good idea. And then to top it off she had to get angry and defensive and run from the living room like a pouty child. Now she was on the floor of her own bathroom, wondering how in the world she'd ever be able to look at him again. She was sure he was regretting ever asking her out, and probably thought she was an idiot or a crazy woman to boot.
Pam sat entrenched in her misery until a knock on the door startled her. She just sat there silently, wishing he would take the hint and just go home. A minute passed, and another knock.
"You can just go home now," she called. "I'll be fine."
Her head shot up when she heard the knob turn. Opening the door a mere fraction of an inch, she clearly heard Jim's deep voice. "Don't do this, Pam. Come out and talk to me."
"I think I said more than enough, don't you?" she sighed. "You should get out while you can."
He couldn't help but chuckle at how completely hopeless she sounded. "I think it's more than a little late for that," he replied. "And if you aren't willing to come out I'm just going to have to come in." When he heard no response he opened the door slowly. Pam moved away from the wall, resting her back against the tub and bending her legs crosswise in front of her.
"Well, make yourself comfortable," she said softly, unable to meet his gaze. She kept her eyes fixed on the floor in front of her, and nervously bit the cuticle on her left thumb. She kept hoping a sinkhole would open up under her apartment and swallow them up. Jim didn't waste any time dancing around her mood. He sat down directly in front of her, his legs crossing like hers and their knees touching. He reached out and put one hand over hers.
"First of all, please look at me," he said gently. She took a somewhat shaky deep breath and lifted her head just enough to see him through some of the curls that had fallen around her face. It pained him to see that she'd been crying over something so ridiculously misunderstood, and without thinking he brushed her hair back from her face, his fingers soft against her cheek as he pulled his hand back. "That's better." He gave her hand a squeeze. "Now do I look like a man who wants to leave you tonight?"
Pam's eye grew big at his words, and he knew he had her attention. "Today as been... well today has been without a doubt the most unbelievable day of my life, Pam. I woke up this morning in New York with a possible new job in a big new city and someone who wanted to share all those things with me. Now I'm sitting here on a bathroom floor in Scranton, still at my old job, but with you, and I am happier than I have probably ever been. Ever, Pam. I have to admit I'm feeling a little dizzy about it all."
"I know," she said quietly, nodding.
"And that's not even covering what you've had to go through today. If you're half as overwhelmed as I am...." He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "Well, I probably should have waited until tomorrow to ask you out."
"No," she replied adamantly, her fingers curling around his tightly. "I'm glad you didn't wait. I wouldn't have wanted you to wait. I was stupid to make a big issue of it. I'm so sorry."
"No, don't be sorry," he said, putting his other hand on her knee. "You act as if I'm mad at you." He shook his head disbelievingly. "How could I possibly be made at you for wanting me to stay? Do you know how long I've waited to hear you say those things to me?"
He saw she was blushing, and again looking everywhere but at him. He leaned in and touched her face again with his hand, tilting her chin up to meet his gaze. "I want to stay."
"You don't have to say that because I'm sitting here looking pathetic," she replied, her words still sounding gloomy though Jim could see the light coming back into her eyes.
"I'm not," he said. "Although you do indeed look pretty pathetic." The look of shock on her face made him laugh loudly, and she grinned sheepishly as she realized he was teasing.
"Nice," she remarked sarcastically. "Nothing like pathetic to set the mood."
"Come here," he said, pulling her by her hands until she moved onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, and felt a little more confident when she did the same, her head resting against his right shoulder. "Now here's the thing. We've just been out on an amazing first date, have we not?"
She nodded. "Yes, I'd say so."
"And in most cases, two people such as us would probably have kissed goodnight at the door and gone home to our respective beds thinking the night was a great success."
She nodded again, a smile finally starting to break through. "I agree."
"But we're not most people, are we, Pam?" He brushed his lips over her forehead as he heard her giggle.
"No, we certainly aren't."
"Which is why we are sitting on your bathroom floor having this conversation."
Pam put her hand over her face. "I've made such a fool of myself."
"No, you haven't," Jim insisted, pulling her hand away. "And I don't see why you are so embarrassed. The desire to drag me to bed is a a very natural reaction from being so close to me. Trust me, I get it all the time."
"Oh, shut up!" she groaned, smacking him on the shoulder. He tightened his arms around her.
"Seriously, when I said I didn't think it should be an afterthought, I wasn't saying that's how you saw it. I was just trying to tell you how important it was to me."
"Well, it's important to me, too."
"Glad to hear it," Jim grinned, again brushing her hair back from her face. Pam looked up and met his gaze. Within moments they were kissing once again, Pam's embarrassment forgotten under Jim's encouragement.
"Are we going to spend the rest of the night in your bathroom?" Jim finally asked.
"No, I suppose not," Pam laughed. They both stood up and and Pam looked at him expectantly. "I suppose it is getting late."
Jim glanced at his watch. "Yeah, it's already after midnight."
"I guess you'll be going then." Pam tried not to sound too disappointed. It wasn't about whether or not they had sex, she just didn't want him to leave. The whole evening had bordered on the surreal to her, and as long as he was there she could go on acting this was real. The moment he left, she knew the doubts and fears would return. It was going to take some time for her to truly believe this wasn't just a dream.
Jim frowned. "Going? Are you kicking me out now?"
"Well, no," she stammered, clearly confused. "I just thought you...."
"I never said I wasn't going to stay," he replied.
"Oh."
"Is that a good 'oh' or a bad 'oh'?" He teased, his brow drawn.
"Oh, it's a good one," she replied quickly, nodding. "It's just...."
"Just what?" Jim didn't like the twist of apprehension that hit his gut.
"Well," she paused, "I've kind of ruined the mood, don't you think?"
Jim laughed in relief, and pulled her into an embrace. "Well I don't know what you had in mind this late into the evening," he said, his voice deep and warm against her ear, "but I was thinking of sleeping."
Pam felt herself blush, once again feeling like she was embarrassing herself with her assumptions, but this time she just hugged him tighter. "Sleep sounds wonderful," she finally replied.
He kissed her briefly, then turned her toward the door. "Shall we sort things out for bed then?"
"Yeah," she replied. "Just give me a minute alone in my bedroom, okay?"
"Take all the time you need. I'll make sure the doors are locked and all that."
Pam stood in front of her open dresser drawer, wondering what she should wear for bed. It was an odd situation, to be sure. It wasn't like she had been expecting today's turn of events. She rummaged through her drawer, but nothing struck her as appropriate. Sexy lingerie was probably better kept for another time (not that she even had much of it to speak of), and her most comfortable pajamas were too old or too silly to wear. She finally pulled out a cotton t-shirt nightgown, purple with pink and white chrysanthemum flowers dotting the material. It was the newest thing she had that made her feel pretty without looking like she was expecting anything. She shed her jeans and blouse and slipped it on, and at the last moment decided to forgo her bra as well. She figured she never wore one to bed, and if he discovered she wasn't wearing one, well that was a chance she was willing to take. She felt a bit lightheaded as that scenario played out in her mind, and tried to ignore it by focusing on a little tidying up. They were just going to sleep, she kept telling herself, it's not a big deal. But it was a big deal. She was the only person to ever sleep in that bed, much less do anything else. And now she was going to share it with Jim. Sleeping next to Jim. It meant something. It meant everything. And that by itself was a lovely thing.
Jim was waiting in the hallway, leaning back against the wall when she opened the door. "Everything okay?" he asked.
"Yep," she nodded. "You can come in now."
Jim couldn't help but look around the room as he walked in, his hands tucked into his pockets to try and hide the jolt of nervousness that had hit him as he waited in the hallway. He smiled to himself, because it felt like he'd finally been granted admittance to the inner sanctum. He wondered briefly if anyone else (anyone male, that is) had been here yet. The picture of her leaving Phyllis' wedding with Roy popped into his mind, but he refused to acknowledge it. This room had too much of Pam's touch to have appealed to Roy, he told himself. The walls were white, like the rest of the apartment, but she had framed artwork on the walls and sheer shimmery draperies like he'd seen on those home makeover shows where a room is transformed into a Moroccan oasis or a some version of the Taj Mahal. It was cozy and intriguing and he didn't realize how lost he had gotten in taking the surroundings until he heard her talking.
"Hmm?" He asked, feeling a bit foolish for being so caught up in his surroundings.
She grinned. "I asked if you had a preference for the side of the bed."
"Uh, not really - do you?"
"It doesn't matter to me."
"Well, you choose then. After all, it's your bed."
"Well, you are the guest."
Jim laughed. "Are we going to have to wrestle for it?"
"Fine," she said dramatically, "I'll take the left side."
"Which side is the left side?"
She rolled her eyes and gave him a push towards the bed. "The side I'm not pushing you towards," she grinned. She walked around to her side, and switched on the lamp that sat on the bedside table.
"Oh, I see your plan," Jim said as he continued to stand by the bed. "You went for the left so you could control the lamp."
She stared at him like he'd gone insane. "What is the matter with you? Could you just turn out the light and get into bed?"
Jim flicked the wall switch to off as Pam pulled the comforter and sheet back and slid into bed. Her bedside lamp gave enough light for Pam to watch as Jim sat on the end of the bed and pulled his rugby shirt up over his head. She knew she probably should do the polite thing and not stare, but she couldn't help it. When he took his shirt off she was surprised to see that he was more muscular than she had expected, and he had a reasonable amount of chest hair as well.
"Wow," she said, unable to contain her pleasure.
Jim turned towards her. "What?" he asked.
"Nothing," she replied, her eyes sparkling. "I'm just impressed."
Jim bent his head down. "Stop it."
Pam laughed. "It's true. Am I embarrassing you?"
"No," he lied, his cheeks already a bright pink.
Pam laughed again. "I am!"
Jim stood and pulled back the covers on his side. "Okay, I'm going to sleep," he announced, sitting back down.
"Like that?"
"Like what?"
"You aren't going to take your jeans off?"
He shrugged. "I'll be fine."
Pam shook her head. "Don't be stupid. Take them off." She gave him a smile. "I promise not to molest you."
Jim laughed self-consciously and did as he was told. Down to his navy blue boxer briefs, he finally slide under the covers and turned onto his side to face Pam. "Happy now?"
"Deliriously so," she replied, reaching out to brush a few stray hairs out of his eyes. "You?"
He grabbed her hand and kissed it. "Never better." They laid there grinning happily at each other for a few moments, and then Pam rolled back and turned the lamp off. She stayed on her back, her hand still clasped in his, and watched as little rays of light filtered in between the slats of the blinds. Street light, car lights, even a little sliver of moon beams, all identifiable by their different shades of white and yellow. The room was silent except for their breathing, and she felt a little fluttering in her chest as she listened to the sound of him alongside her.
"Did you expect today to end like this?" She asked, breaking the silence with her quiet question.
His laugh was deep and rich, and it warmed the darkness. "Um, that would be no."
"Well I had a very nice time. Probably the best date I've ever been on. So, thanks."
"Not a problem. I had a really nice time too. Maybe we could do this again sometime."
"Yeah, maybe," she replied, "You could give me a call sometime and we'll see."
He moved closer to her. "We'll see?"
"Hey," Pam mock complained. "Stay on your side of the bed."
"When did this become It Happened One Night?" Jim laughed.
"When you said you wanted to go to sleep. So keep your distance."
"Okay, your loss," he said, moving slightly away.
"Huh, the loss is entirely yours," she replied, a giggle ruining her serious tone. "You had your chance."
They were still holding hands, and she could feel his lips against her wrist. "I'll get another chance," he assured her.
"Don't do that," she whispered, wondering if he had changed his mind. "That's not fair."
"You're right," he said, sounding sincere. "I'm sorry." He was letting go of her hand when Pam turned on her side toward him, grasping his hand with hers again.
"You can hold my hand," she said, squeezing it warmly. "It's kind of the only way I believe you're really here."
She could see his smile even with the dim light from the outside. "I know what you mean," he replied, squeezing her hand back. "I think it's going to take some time to get used to this."
"That's okay," she replied. "I'm not going anywhere." She could see this eyes were open, and that he was looking intently back at her.
"I love you, you know," she heard herself say. It wasn't exactly the scenario she'd imagined when she made her heartfelt declaration, but it was perfect in its way. This time she didn't protest when he moved over, kissing her and assuring her that he loved her as well.
They ended up lying closer together as sleep finally began to creep in, and neither said a word as Pam turned on to her other side and Jim automatically spooned behind her, draping his arm across her waist, as if they had done it all their lives.
"Kelly's going to be all over me the minute I walk into the office tomorrow, you know," Pam yawned, resting her hand on top of his at her waist.
"Good for you," Jim replied teasingly. "I'm sure that's going to be a great time."
"Oh yeah. I can't wait. She's going to want every little detail, and you know she wouldn't understand if she found out that you slept over and actually just slept."
"I expect most people wouldn't understand," he said, kissing her shoulder. "But they aren't us."
"True," she replied. She paused a moment, then smiled into the darkness. "I'm still going to tell everyone we totally had sex tonight."
"Yeah, that's good," Jim yawned. "So am I."