It’s been one week.  Sitting at his desk, idly twirling a plastic spoon between his fingers, Jim reflected on the past six nights of his life.  Pam and he spent five of those six nights together.  After their first date however, it was a miracle they even spoke again.
    Things had started out great.  They didn’t talk much at work except for Jim getting directions to Pam’s apartment.  He will always remember how she smiled at him that day when she came out of the conference room.  Her eyes were red and raw, but her smile made his doubts and fears slide out of his mind (for that moment anyway). God he loved her.
    Pulling up to her place at seven, he walked up to her front door with a small collection of flowers wrapped in loose plastic.  They were going to go have a nice quiet dinner and just talk.  At least that is what he planned to do.
    She answered the door and with a shy smile and let him into her apartment.  Jim could tell she was a little nervous.  He was as well, which was ok.  Indeed it was ok…until he actually heard himself talk.
    “Why didn’t you ever call me after you canceled the wedding?”  His mouth asked Pam.  Did he really just ask her that?
    Pam, in the midst of putting the flowers in water, froze.  The smile on her face was instantly replaced by a confused frown.  “Uhh…what?”
    Jim simply shrugged.  “I had to hear it from Kevin Pam.  A MONTH after you called it off.  It took him betting me ten bucks that he was telling the truth for me to believe him.”  His mind screamed at him to stop this.  His heart however pushed on.  “I told you that I was in love with you and I don’t even get a cursory e-mail.”
    “Wait…you asked me out just to interrogate me on possibly the hardest time in my life?  Am I understanding you correctly Halpert?”  She stood there facing him, arms crossed.  Anger and hurt replaced her happiness and nervousness.
    His heart had taken control, shutting any rational thought out.  “I wanted to tell you for years Pam how I felt.  YEARS.  I finally build up the courage to lay it on the line for you.”  He rubbed the back of his neck, memories of that night making his mouth go dry.  “What did I get in return?  I get you telling me that I ‘misinterpreted’ our friendship.  That even though you wanted to kiss me, you were still marrying…him.”  The rims of his eyes started to burn.  “So yeah I am asking you why did I not deserve to know that you had backed out of the big event.”
    Eyes flashing, Pam responded in a shaking voice,  “I guess it was for the same reasons you didn’t bother to tell me you were leaving the STATE.  I had to find out from Dwight that you were gone!”  The sadness in her voice was palpable.  “I did the best I could Jim.  I had to virtually plan, supervise, and cancel a wedding, MY wedding, alone.  You had vanished in the night leaving me to pick up the pieces of our friendship.  So excuse me for not rushing out the second I looked my mom in the eyes and told her I am sorry for all the trouble but Roy isn’t the guy I love to send you a damn e-mail.”
    Jim started to say something but she cut him off.  “Like I told you at the beach Jim, I called it off because of you.  But I guess that wasn’t good enough huh?”  She turned her back to him.  “Please leave.”
    Finally some common sense trickled back into his mind, but it was too late.  “Pam, look, I-“
    She did not raise her voice, but the pain was more than evident.  “Just go.”
    He did as she asked.  By the time he got home, he was sure he had ruined his one chance to be with the woman he ever mattered to him. 

    Taking another scoop of jello out of the small plastic cup, Jim’s eyes wandered to Pam’s desk.  She was talking on the phone and not paying attention to him.  His eyes stayed on her for a moment, drinking in her simple beauty.  A small green image caught the corner of his eye.  A greeting card stood upright on her desk.  He could make out the Christmas tree on the cover with Santa Claus hopelessly caught in its branches.  Seeing that made him smile and also brought back memories of the day after the worst date of his life.

*********
Friday was pretty quiet.  Michael spent most of the day in his office talking with Jan on the phone.  Jim only caught bits and pieces of the conversation, but he could tell things were not lollipops and rainbows between them.  Join the club he thought.
    Pam did not look at much less talk to him all day.  Couple that with Karen’s little outburst as she left with her personal things made this possibly the worst day of his life.  Or at least a close second.  Pam’s voice was still ringing in his head.  Just go.
     Jim glanced at his watch then reached into his messenger bag.  He pulled out a small white envelope.  He slid it back and forth in his hands, his mind drifting back to last night.
    A swirling mix of anger, hurt, and sadness was still coursing through him when he parked his car in front of his apartment.  The place was dark and quiet.  It matched his mood perfectly after his disaster of a first date with Pam.  Maybe they weren’t meant to be together.  Maybe they were just too similar.  He tossed his keys onto the kitchen table and sat down heavily on the brushed suede sofa.  Jim put his feet up on the coffee table and noticed the familiar shoe box partially hidden under a stack of Rolling Stone magazines.  He fished it out and popped the lid off.  A feeling of déjà vu came back to him as he sifted through various items he had saved over the years:  An empty can of coke.  A cocktail napkin from a winter cruise.  A small white envelope.  A gold yogurt lid attached to a necklace of paper clips.  He held that item up for a long time, letting the memories of her wash over him.  He carefully placed all of the items back into the box except one.  That didn’t belong to him and she needed to see it now more than ever.
    Jim stood up and put on his jacket as the clocked clicked over to 5PM.  He strapped on his bag and walked by Pam’s desk.  She was staring intently at her computer screen.  “Night Pam,” he said as he slid the card quietly onto her desk.  She replied in kind without ever looking up.  Stomach in knots, Jim headed out to spend the evening alone at home.
    A sharp ringing jolted Jim awake.  He accidentally kicked over a half-full bottle of Heineken as he searched for his cell in the semi-darkness of his living room.  He finally found it wedged in between the cushions of the sofa.  Still a little confused from being awaken so suddenly, he answered the phone without even seeing who it was.
    “Hey,” a familiar voice said quietly.
    Sleep quickly evaporated from his mind.  “Pam?  Everything ok?  What time is it?”
    “It’s a little after midnight.  Were you asleep?  I can call back-“
    Jim sat up straight.  “No! I mean no, its ok.  I’m awake.”  He wasn’t sure what to say next.
    She was silent for a while and finally said in a small voice, “Were you going to give that to me that Christmas?  With the teapot?”
    The image of the card and what he wrote on it caused his cheeks to burn.  “Uh, yeah.  Well, I was going to…you know…but, uh, I sort of chickened out.”
    “I kind of figured that yeah,” she remarked.
    He smiled in spite of himself.  He heard a little bit of the old Pam in that response and hope flashed again in his heart.  “Well I gave it to you today for a reason.  And it wasn’t because of the fight last night.  Well mostly I guess.”
    “What do you mean?”  Pam asked, sounding confused.
    Jim stood up and started to pace.  “I got home last night and could not stop thinking about how once again things just didn’t work out for us.  So I sat on my couch and wallowed in my self-pity.”  He scratched the back of his head, forcing the words out.  “It has always been ‘I should have done this’ or ‘you should have done that’ Pam.  I should have called you when I heard about the wedding.  You should have told me how you felt before I left for Stamford.  I should have given you that card with the teapot at Christmas.”
    Pam interrupted.  “Jim I never-“
    He cut her off.  He had to say this.  All of it.  “I am DONE with ‘should have’ Pam.  Our lives would have been so much different if I DID instead of think about how I SHOULD.  That’s why I gave you the card today.  The last thing I should have done last night was to yell at you about the things you should have done.  You DID stand up in front of everyone and lay it all on the line for me, with blistering feet no less.  You DID put that note in my file knowing that you may have never see me again.  You DID say yes without hesitation when I showed up out of nowhere and asked you out on a date.”
    The noises he heard coming from her over the phone broke his heart all over again.  Once again he was making her cry.  He had come this far though so he might as well finish it.  “So Pam I am following your lead.  This is something I should have done a long time ago.”  He paused for a second to allow his dry mouth to regain some moisture.    With every fiber of his being he whispered hoarsely into the cell, “I love you Pam Beesly.”
    Jim stood in front of his sofa, heart pounding in his ears.  He would have thought Pam had hung up if it wasn’t for her quiet sniffling coming though the headset.  When she spoke it caught him completely off-guard.  “Don’t go to sleep.  Can you promise me that?”
    “Uh, sure Pam.  Feels like I just drank like a hundred cups of coffee so you have my word.”  The excitement of his confession was starting to give over to curiosity.
    “Ok.  Remember you promised.”  And with that cryptic statement she was gone.
    He stood there for a few minutes more, not sure if he was really awake or just having a really weird dream.  Did he just freak Pam out so much that she started talking crazy?  What was up with him needing to stay awake?  To be served a restraining order?  Sighing, Jim flipped on the TV, not really watching it.
    For the second time that night a loud ringing noise caused Jim to knock over his beer.  Someone just pressed the doorbell to his apartment.  His heart leaped into his throat. Don’t go to sleep.  Double-checking that he had on a respectable set of clothing he flipped on the hallway light and unlocked the door.
    Jim swung the door open and saw her standing there.  The bright porch light shone down upon her as if she was an angel sent just for him.  She looked almost exactly like she did that night at the beach, dressed in a simple dark shit and blue jeans with her hair pulled back.  Her eyes met his and he could tell she had indeed been crying.  Somehow that made her more beautiful.  She had literally taken his breath away yet again.
    Never taking her eyes off of him, she reached back and took the Christmas card out of her pocket.  She stared at it for a second turning over in her hands.  “Did you mean it?” she asked.
    He was about to ask her what she was talking about when the light finally came on in his head.  He gently smiled at her.  “Every single word.  I did then and I do now.”
    Her expression did not change but her eyes started to brim with tremulous tears.  “Well since you have said it twice and have written it once…it is only fair I think...”  She searched his face, lower lip slightly trembling.  “I love you Jim Halpert.”
    There it was.  The five simple words he had waited for years to hear.  Eyes blurring, he took a small step towards her and instantly she had her arms tightly around his neck, drawing him close to her.  He couldn’t tell if he was crying, she was crying, or if they both were crying.  And he didn’t care.  He finally pulled back enough to see her beautiful face.  She looked up at him, still shaking and smiling that famous Beesly smile.  He returned it with one of his own.  Not caring that it was one in the morning, he asked, “So, uh, Pam….are you free for dinner.?”
    Without hesitation she replied, “yes.”
   
   
   
   

     Right after Jim threw away the empty jello cup Pam sent him an IM. He got up and casually strolled over to her desk. “You rang Beesly?”
     In a hushed tone, she motioned for him to come around to her side of the desk. “I need to show you something,” she whispered.
     His face shone with curiosity but he did as she asked. He leaned down, pretending to look at her computer screen. “What ya got?”
     Pam scanned around making sure they were not being watched. Satisfied that they were alone, she slowly lifted up the hem of her top. Jim’s eyes glanced down and saw a navy blue elastic band peeking out from the top of her skirt. His face caught on fire as she casually smoothed her top back into place. He whispered, “Are those my-“
     “Yep. But they are mine now. You gave them to me Saturday morning, remember?” She looked at him with a mischievous grin on her face.
     “Yeah. I remember. How could I ever forget?” He grinned back at her, still blushing. He was telling Pam the truth. He would never forget.

*********
     He was sitting comfortably on the sofa watching the afternoon baseball game. Appearances can be deceiving however. In truth, his mind was replaying the images from last night. He was vaguely aware of Pam cuddled against him. She was casually flipping through one of his Rolling Stone magazines. He couldn’t help but find her extremely sexy at the moment. She shifted slightly against him as his mind once again revisited the events of just a few hours ago.
     They had talked until after 3 in the morning. He relished it so much. He didn’t realize until last night how much he missed just talking to her. They shared hilarious stories of the events of the past year that each had missed. Subjects like 28 Days and multiple kitchens vs. the single kitchen model came up again. She told him about her art class and how it felt being on her own for the first time in her life. He told her about leaving the first real job he had to move to another state. They both agreed that it had truly felt far.
     They just didn’t talk about the good things. He told her about how he met Karen and how he ended it with her. He was honest about how he had used her for his own protection and how terrible he felt about that. She was honest about Roy and the mistake she made in going back to him. She admitted she used him in much the same way Jim did with Karen. They both were acutely aware how tough it was to talk about these things, but they made it through.
     After glancing at the clock on the wall and noticing the hour hand was on the 3, he became aware of how physically and emotionally wiped out he was. He could tell she was in similar shape. So they sat there in the near-darkness just enjoying the warmth and closeness of each other. His eyes began to get heavy and he covered a yawn with the back of his hand. Sleep started to overtake him. Soft snoring brought him out of his daze. He glanced over and noticed Pam sound asleep against his shoulder. Smiling to himself, he wanted just to stay right there and let her sleep. However, he knew both of their bodies would not thank them in the morning.
     Trying to be as careful as he could, he scooped her up and slowly carried her down the hall to his bedroom. She looked so small in his arms. She murmured something as he gently got her situated in his bed. He kissed her on the cheek and pulled the flannel sheet up and over her. She whispered something and promptly fell back into a deep slumber. Jim’s body filled with warmth as he left his room. “I love you too,” he said.
     “Uh, sorry did you say something Pam?” He was in such a trance  from the previous night that he barely caught that she had just asked him something.
     Smiling up from the magazine, she replied, “Is the game that exciting? Looks like a blow-out to me.” She closed the magazine and set it on top of the coffee table. “I asked you what are we doing today.”
     A grin spread over his face. “Well since you slept till 10:30 I thought I would make you brunch for lunch. Then perhaps a trip to the park.” He furrowed his brow deep in thought. “And for the grand finale, you get to pick the movie to watch on pay-per-view and I get to pick the dinner to cook for you.”
     Pam burrowed in closer to him. “I like how you think Halpert.”
     “It’s actually pretty easy. I just think of ways to keep you as close to me as I can.” He smiled down at her, expecting a cute remark in typical Pam Beesly fashion. Instead she impulsively grabbed his hair and drew him down for a kiss. It was long, slow, and warm with undercurrents of a promise of passion. Finally they drew apart. Jim ran a long-fingered hand through her thick mane of curls. “Wow. I am so in love with you.” The words flowed from him and it just felt right. Finally.
     She pecked his lips with one last quick kiss. “I love you too.” A slight blush spread across her cheeks as she smiled up at him. “I think I can get used to saying that.” Finally extracting herself from him and the plush sofa she said, “Think I’m going to take a shower now. I can’t wait for the famous Jim Halpert Saturday brunch lunch.”
     He watched her bounce down the hall to his bedroom only wearing a faded Sixers t-shirt and a pair of his dark blue boxers. Finally ripping his mind off of that beautiful image, he yelled down the hall, “There are clean towels in the closet next to the dresser. And yes I use Pantene!” He heard her laughter as he started to rummage though the fridge for eggs and veggies. Smiling to himself, he got to work making a soon-to-be awesome omlette, making sure to grab one last thing hidden behind a two-liter of grape soda. It was mixed berries after all.