He had made many mistakes in his life.

When he was eight years old, he went swimming after inhaling his lunch, resulting in a stomach ache. At twelve he was convinced that white spotted looking leaf was not poison ivy, causing him to itch for a full week and a half. And when he was twenty and in college, he continued to play basketball despite his doctor’s warning not too if he wanted to avoid further injury, consequentially causing him not to play basketball for the rest of that season.

But the biggest mistake that Jim Halpert ever made was losing the love of his life.

It all happened years ago, despite the fact that he can remember it all like it was yesterday. Sometimes this mistake seems so close to him that he feels he can fix it and make his life whole again. Pam’s scent, her soft skin, curly hair, and the way her hand fit so perfectly into his all seems so close. Then reality rushes back on him again and he realizes that she’s gone. She left him because he, in blunt terms, had been an asshole.

Everything in his world crumbled the night that he and Pam went out on their first date. First official date, that is.

Jim had just turned down Corporate’s offer to hire him. He left behind a swanky new office, a much bigger salary, and his current girlfriend Karen in order to pursue happiness. Happiness for Jim, was Pam.

He knew as soon as he saw the fake medal made out of a yogurt lid and her heartfelt note that he wanted to feel the way he felt then forever. And only Pam could make his heart swell and give him goose bumps at the same time.

As soon as he said “no thanks” and before the guy could try to persuade him to change his mind and take the job, Jim was out of there. He walked calmly out of the office building, but soon found himself sprinting to the parking garage. He called Karen and left a voice message telling her that something had come up and that he was sorry but she was going to need to take the bus back to Scranton.

He pushed 85 miles per hour the entire ride back. He didn’t know why he was rushing. He knew she’d be there at Dunder Mifflin, but something kept his foot heavy on the gas pedal, he didn’t even care that his car began shaking slightly from the excessive speed in the small sedan. The distance between himself and Pam was suffocating to him.

In record time, Jim made it back to his familiar office space. Asked Pam out for a date and was so relieved that she not only said yes, but also seemed to be beaming with happiness from his request as well. From this point on, it should have been a happily ever after.

But it wasn’t.

The date had gone extremely well, off the charts by Jim’s record. They went to a small diner that Pam really loved for dinner. Like old times, their conversation topics flowed naturally from work discussion to people watching and mocking the odd people they would see in the diner.

“I told you Cletus, they always cook my squirrel burger wrong!” Pam said in a mock southern accent.

“No, Bertha, you ordered the raccoon burger, that’s why it taste the way it does.” Jim answered in an equally bad southern accent attempt. Both of them erupted into a giggle fit and proceeded to get nasty glares from neighboring customers.

In town like Scranton, there really isn’t a whole lot to do. So by the time Jim and Pam had finished their dessert, Jim decided to make the next move.

“Hey, I know this is a pretty lame suggestion for our first date, but, uh, would you want to rent a movie and come back to my place and watch it? It’s only seven o’clock and I really don’t want to end this just yet….but if you, you know, have other plans or don’t want too, then –“

“A movie sounds great” They smiled at each other, “It’s been a long week, so a nice relaxing movie is actually perfect.”

Jim was relieved he didn’t have to end his date with Pam just yet. He had waited a very long time to be on an actual date with her, he just couldn’t let it end after two hours. He briefly thought of Karen and what she would have said in response to him recommending a movie night. “Ugh, Jim, why are you so boring? Why can’t we ever go out dancing or something fun like that?” Clearly his company wasn’t enough for her. Which is why they never would have worked out. With Pam, all he wanted to do was be near her, just talking and joking around, even their silences are enough for him. He knew Pam didn’t need big extravagant date experiences to be happy with him. Not that once in awhile he wasn’t going to spoil her rotten, he couldn’t wait to do that. But once in awhile, even on first date occasions, a movie night can be pretty darn perfect.

However, his thoughts of Karen quickly reminded him that he hadn’t officially broken it off with her, as far as she knew they were a happy couple. Suddenly he felt like he had a ball and chain tied around his legs and Jim mentally chastised himself as he paid the bill and left the restaurant. However, he was soon in paradise again when he felt Pam intertwine her fingers with his as they walked out. Once again, they smiled, reassuring each other that this is what they wanted.

“Oh wow, I love your place!” Pam squealed as she walked through the threshold of his home. “It smells just like you.”

“It smells like me? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

She laughed “Definitely a good thing. You always smell good.”

He gave her a lopsided grin. “I always smell good, huh. Good to know that Armani cologne was worth my sister’s money when she gave it to me as a Christmas present.”

“Yes, please thank her for me next time you talk to her. She really has made my work that much more enjoyable.”

“Why Miss Beesly, are you flirting with me?”

“Hey, you asked me out. So what if I am flirting a little bit with you?”

Pam was standing with her back against his kitchen wall, while she nervously fiddled with her fingers against her stomach. Jim took two steps closer to her so that they were only a few inches away.

“So would you say that this date has been successful?” He spoke in a tone that was just a bit above a whisper. His face was so close to hers that it didn’t need to be any louder.

She looked at him with hopeful eyes and said in an equally low tone “Well, I don’t know we haven’t watched the movie yet, so I can’t really rate it at the moment.”

Jim smiled as he closed the distance between their lips. The palms of both his hands were flat against the wall on either side of her head, while her hands soon found the nape of his neck and his hair. He remembered she tasted like mint, so he figured she must have popped a mint when he wasn’t looking. Kissing her was just as fantastic as it had been a year ago after Casino Night. But this time it was better, because they finally were both all in.

When they finally broke apart for air, Pam put her lips up to his ear and nibbled at the edges of it before saying “What do you say we forget the movie.”

“Ah, so you’re suggestion we play a board game instead? A very good idea!”

He laughed and feigned injured when she lightly punched him in the stomach.

Jim had a wicked smile on his face when he grabbed both of her hands and led her out of the kitchen, down the hallway, and into his bedroom. Within minutes Jim’s shirt was on the floor. Pam fumbled with his belt while he played a line of kisses along her collarbone. His bedroom was too dark to fully see one another, but there was just enough light that they could make out the curves of each other’s bodies. There were a few moments where Jim mentally prayed that Pam couldn’t smell Karen on his sheets. But judging by her enthusiasm and attentiveness, he shrugged the feeling off.

A few hours later, both of them lay awake sharing pillow talk. Pam traced letters on Jim’s stomach and tried to have him guess what she was spelling out.

“I had fun too.” Jim said in response to her latest statement invisibly traced on his body.

Pam had just settled into her nook against his body when something unexpected happened. Jim would come to recognize this moment as the moment where his world stopped spinning.

Jim shot up out of bed when he heard someone unlock his front door and enter.

“Jim!” Karen’s voice bellowed after she closed the door.

“Shit.” He turned to Pam, “Just to say in advance, I am so sorry.” Despite the darkness of the room, his eyes were enough adjusted to see the confused look on her face. Jim jumped out of bed and threw on his boxers, but it was too late. Within a minute of her entering, Karen was in Jim’s bedroom.

“Oh my God.” Was the first thing that Karen said, and was repeated by Pam, which was the only thing she seem to be able to manage saying at the moment.

“Well this is just great, I took the last bus I could to Scranton after hearing your voice message, thinking that someone in your family was either in a car accident or had an aneurism and died… but apparently I was wrong. Or maybe someone did die and this is how you deal with your grief by cheating on me!” Jim winced as he heard her scream the last part.

“Listen, Karen, let me explain.” He gave Pam an apologetic look, yet his blood ran cold when he saw the anger on her face. He lightly grabbed Karen’s arm as to suggest they go outside his bedroom to talk.

By the time both he and Karen were in his living room, tears were streaming down her face. “I never thought you’d be one of these guys, Jim. How long have you been with her behind my back.”

“It’s not like that Karen, I swear. I was going to talk to you about us first, but I don’t know what happened. You kept talking about how great it would be for us to move to New York and how we had to get away from Scranton, but I love Scranton, this is my home.”

“Oh, so it’s my fault, great!”

“No of course it’s not your fault. That’s not what I’m saying. I know I messed up, I’m sorry. But even before tonight, things with us just weren’t working out, you must have felt that too.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I went out and screwed the nearest guy because of it.”

“Karen, I’m sorry. I truly, truly am. I don’t know what else to say. I did have feelings for you, I never cheated on you…before this. I wanted us to work, but I can’t keep fighting this losing battle, and today in New York at that meeting, it finally came clear to me what my life is and what I want my life to be. And I want Scranton, I like my job now. I don’t want to live in New York and work at Corporate now, or ten years down the road. It’s just not in the cards for me.

“Jim, be honest with yourself. It’s not Scranton you love, it’s her that you love.” Pointing her finger to the closed bedroom door.

He heard Karen sigh, “so this is over. Maybe it’s for the best. When I was in New York, I didn’t have a whole lot to bitch about with my girlfriends, I thought my life was going so well, so thank you Jim for giving me a ranting conversation topic. I’m sorry I don’t share your admiration of this town. I came here for you, and without you and me as an us here, I don’t see the point in sticking around. I, for one, do love New York. And if Dunder Mifflin won’t hire me there, I’m sure there are a million other companies who will.”

“I really do wish you the best.” Jim went in to kiss her cheek, but she turned away before he could. She took his house key off of her keychain before dropping it on the floor and walking out. She didn’t bother to say goodbye.

Jim honestly didn’t know how Pam would react to this news. He knew he should have broken things off with Karen before he moved on with Pam. But at the time, all he cared about was driving back to Scranton being with her, making a move on their relationship. He quickly realized it was not the best course of action.

When he walked back into bedroom, Pam was fully dressed, tying her shoelaces. Clearly, his battle with Karen was only the start.

“You’re still with Karen?! You didn’t even break up with her before deciding to screw me. So you know what, screw you!” She threw the nearest pillow at his face.

“Pam, wait a second. Please. True, I hadn’t yet broken up with her when we went out tonight, but it was only because I didn’t have time to do so. You have to understand, when I was in New York and got your note and the yogurt medal, everything became so clear, and I knew that you were who I wanted. All I could think about was what a dumbass I had been since I came back from Stamford, you were single and I was crazy not to realize that I was wasting time that we could be together. I just figured I would break things off with Karen when she returned to Scranton. I realize now that it was a huge mistake. Please… Pam… Don’t leave.”

“Do you know what that felt like?” She huffed, “To be the other woman!” She stopped to take a breath. “I’ve never been so humiliated in my entire life, Jim. You took me out, you slept with me, all while you had a girlfriend that thought you two were still together. She came back here because she thought she should be here to comfort you through some horrible crisis… and she finds us in bed together. Jim, I just…” His heart sank and broke into a million pieces as he watched her try to formulate the words he knew would further tear away at his soul. “You’ve hurt me more than I ever thought possible. Apparently I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

He tried to stop her as she past him and exited the bedroom. “Pam… you do know me! Better than anyone, probably better than I know myself. I don’t know how to make you understand how sorry I am. What can I do to make it up to you. Please, I don’t want to lose you, not again. I love you, I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. Don’t let this screw-up of mine ruin what we have, what we could be.”

She broke down into a sob as she opened the front door that Karen has slammed shut a mere ten minutes ago. “I don’t feel the same… not anymore. I’m sorry Jim, but I’m going to need some time on this. I know to you it seems like I’m being stupid, but this triangle with you, me, and Karen has been plaguing me ever since you came back and now this, when I finally think we’re both in the clear to really give this a go, I find out you didn’t even end things with her yet.” She looked him straight in the eye, “Can I just ask you one thing.”

“Anything”

“Was this just a trial thing? See which girl you liked dating better?” While she had stopped sobbing, she couldn’t stop the tears which were now freely streaming down her face, and he could hear her voice falter as she asked him.

Jim heaved a sigh and shook his head. “No. Absolutely not. Pam, it’s me, you know me. I just made a mistake, I’m sorry I didn’t end things with Karen. Trust me when I say that I was going too, I was not going to drag this out. And I never wanted to hurt you. I’ll do anything, please, let’s work this out.”

He knew that when she refused to make any more eye contact with him that he was fighting a losing battle.

“I have to go.” Before he could protest and beg one last time for forgiveness, she was out the door and gone.

He looked out the window and watched her get into a cab. He realized she must have called one while he was having it out with Karen. When the taillights rounded the corner and disappeared, he slumped against the door, defeated.

A half an hour ago he had the woman of his dreams in his arms. He was happy that life was finally going the way he always hoped it would, and he had never been happier. Now, the world has turned completely upside down because he had made the biggest mistake of his life. Jim didn’t even feel the pain or the blood drip down his wrist and arm when he punched the wall next to him. “Dammit” he yelled.

On Monday Pam was not at work, she had called in. Michael called Jim into his office after lunch to explain to him that the both of them needed to go and clinch an important sale in Tampa Florida. And as a result, Michael had already booked an extended stay since he wanted to go to Disney World while he was there.

“Come on Jim, think of how fun it will be! We’ll get to meet Mickey Mouse… I mean… Mickey Mouse. This is going to be great!” Just me and you, a couple of Mifflerites taking an extended business trip to Florida to make a huge sale, flirt with hot babes in bikinis, and ride every ride at Magic Kingdom… I hear that Dumbo ride is freakin’ fantastic!”

Jim was stuck. Michael had already booked the plane tickets and he didn’t want to spend another couple hundred dollars on a different flight. They were leaving tomorrow, meaning he wouldn’t be able to talk to Pam before he left. He hoped that in that week apart, hopefully both of them would be able to clear their heads and he could talk to her when he returned, they would work things out, and he could leave this nightmare.

Still before he left, he went over to her house, but she wasn’t home. Her absent car in the driveway confirmed that. He tried called her, but it continuously went to voicemail. Even during the business trip, he left numerous voice messages, reminding her of how sorry he was, ending with his hope that they will be able to work through this. He always ended each message with “I love you, Pam.”

None of his messages were returned.

When he arrived back in Scranton and Dunder Mifflin, he was further disappointed by the news that Pam had taken a vacation week and would not be back at work until the following Monday.

It would be over two weeks from their disastrous first date when Jim next saw Pam. He noted that she looked awful. He walked over to her desk once she settled in, but all she said was “Please Jim. Go back to your desk.” The last thing he wanted to do was make a scene, so he obeyed and turned around to sulk back to his chair, wondering how he was going to make things right again.

For the rest of that week, Jim noted that Pam’s appearance never improved. She literally looked ill and her eyes continuously looked puffy despite her usage of makeup to cover it up.

Every attempt he made to talk to her went badly. All of his calls went unanswered and she never seemed to be at home whenever he went over. Is she parking somewhere else to hide the fact that she’s really home? He wondered to himself as he knocked for the tenth time that night. Yet once again, defeated, he made the lonely walk back to his car.

That Friday, Jim couldn’t take it anymore. He was beginning to not comprehend why something that they should be able to get past was keeping them from being together. So I went out with Pam while I was still with Karen, she’s gone now! He argued with himself but deep down, he knew he had hurt her, a lot. He had made her feel cheap, like a home wrecker, the other woman.  He also knew that her parent’s had gotten a divorced when her father got caught cheating on her mother. When Pam’s mom caught her husband in bed with another woman, she ended things right then and there.

“You are such an asshole.” He muttered to himself at his desk, kicking himself for putting her in that situation, not realizing that his hastiness was actually stupidity, and it would cost him everything.

Dwight swiveled around in his chair to fully look at him. “Excuse me? Did you just use an expletive at work, Jim? You realize that it is against company policy to use offensive language while you are on company property.”

Instead of beginning another round of shenanigans with him, Jim just said “sorry” and turned away. He quickly stole a glance at Pam who was talking on the phone. Then he began a staring contest with his clock, willing it to go faster. It’s only 4:42pm. He sighed.

“Uh… Pam, can I see you in my office, please.” Michael came out of his office to ask. This unnerved Jim a little bit. Michael had asked Pam in a nice, normal way. No unfunny nickname like “Pamalicious”, or “Pamtastic”, or “Pammy Whammy”, which was his current favorite, was used.

Jim peered through the blinds to watch them. He could tell by his face that Michael was saying something heartfelt. Pam continuously nodded and gave an occasional smile. This was the first time he’d seen her smile in weeks. Then something very odd occurred. Michael gave Pam a hug. He saw Pam’s eyes squeeze shut as she tightened her grip around him. Clearly this hug meant something. Why are they so emotional? His mind raced.

By the time they emerged, many of the office inhabitants had either gone home already for the weekend or were packing up there things in preparation to leave. After shutting off his computer, Jim stuffed a few pieces of paper in his messenger bag before slinging it over his shoulder. He took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly.

“Hey” He tried a weak smile on her.

She reciprocated with the same small smile. “Hi.”

“I know I sound like a broken record… but do you think we could sit down and talk sometime…anytime? Right now, tonight, 4am, I don’t really care. Please Pam, I just want to talk to you.” He hesitated for a moment. “I miss you.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe… I can work with a maybe.” He smiled, she did not, but rather she looked down and busied herself, putting the papers on her desk into a neat pile.

“So what did Michael want with you in his office?”

“Oh… um… you know, Jan stuff. He wanted some advice, like always.” Her eyes glanced everywhere but straight into his.

“Have a good weekend.”

“Yeah, you too. Seriously Pam, please call me whenever you want, or come over, hell, you can even send a smoke signal. I just would really like to talk with you. Please consider it.” When she nodded, he flung his jacket over his shoulder and walked out. He didn’t see that Pam watched his every step as he left, almost as if she were memorizing his movements, nor did he see the warm tears that spilt out onto her cheeks after he left.

“Pam, are you ok?” Michael asked on his way out the door. He had apparently seen her crying.

“No, I’m ok. Just last day sadness, that’s all.”

He handed her a tissue. “Ok, well think about what I said. If you need anything, anything at all, references, a friend to talk too… you know how to contact me.”

“Thanks Michael.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you here as a receptionist. I’m going to hate the next one.”

“Oh I’m sure you’ll get along great with whoever it is.” She said, calming down.

“No really, I am going to hate the next one. Toby is going to replace you until I can find a new hire for the job. Talk about motivation to do interviews.” When he heard her laugh, he knew his goal was accomplished. And for a second time in her life, Pam was genuinely stunned with how great of a guy Michael was. First when he came to her art show and now in this moment.

When Michael left, Pam was alone in the office. She wanted to be last because she wanted to pack up her stuff without anyone nosing around, asking questions. Nobody knew she was leaving except Michael and Toby. She knew some people, like Kelly and Phyllis, would be upset and probably sad that she never said goodbye, but she didn’t want to risk Jim finding out that she was leaving before she actually did. If he knew beforehand, he would undoubtedly try to stop her. If that happened she might not have the courage to do this: to move on, without him. Her heart screamed at her to stop, that she was making the wrong decision. But her head told her that she needed to get away, needed to face this new phase in her life without him. She was still reeling from a broken heart and didn’t want to hurt Jim any further. In her head, she believed this was the right decision. But her heart was breaking for a whole different reason.  

When Jim came into the office that Monday, he pinched himself because he didn’t believe what he saw. The reception desk was void of all of Pam’s stuff, and Pam! In its place was Toby. “Dunder Mifflin, this is Toby.” That’s not right, that’s not how it’s supposed to sound. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. That is what he was supposed to be hearing.

He dropped his stuff off at his desk and barged into Michael’s office. “Where’s Pam? Is she sick? Why is all of her stuff gone? I don’t understand.”

Michael glanced at the door before motioning for Jim to close it. He saw Dwight frown as his access to eavesdropping quickly closed. “Pam is no longer an employee here at Dunder Mifflin.”

“What? Did you fire her? What happened?”

He sighed before continuing. “No I didn’t fire her.” Stating it matter-of-factly. “She gave me her notice about a week ago. Hence the reason friggin’ Toby is out there answering the phones, I haven’t had time yet to hire a new receptionist.”

“Michael, I don’t care about Toby. What happened to Pam?”

“She left! Plain and simple.” Throwing his hands up in a shrug, he continued “She didn’t tell me why. I figured she had told you, I’m sorry Jim.”

“Thanks.” Jim said, his voice full of sadness and hurt. He got up and walked out of the room.

“If you know anyone that’s looking for a receptionist job, let me know!” He heard Michael yell from his office.

Without notice, he grabbed his stuff. “I’m taking a sick day.” He told Dwight. Not waiting for a response, he headed out of the office.

He drove straight to Pam’s apartment. All the lights were off inside and there was as letter half tucked underneath the ‘Welcome’ mat. It was labeled ‘Landlord’. Jim picked it up and could feel that it was a key wrapped in a tissue for secrecy. He took the key out and opened her door.

His heart stopped at what he saw and he silently prayed that his eyes were betraying him. The place was empty. No furniture, no knick knacks, not even silverware could be found. Every room was completely vacant, mirroring the feeling in his empty heart. She had moved and didn’t tell him. She left him without so much as a warning. He honestly didn’t know whether to break down into tears or punch a brick wall. He chose the latter, causing his knuckles on his right hand to bleed slightly.

Six years passed and still the last moment Jim saw Pam’s face was that Friday when she gave him the hope that “maybe” they could work things out.

Liar, he thinks bitterly as he remembers that day.

Things at Dunder Mifflin have stayed relatively the same. Phyllis retired a year ago, not having to work with Bob Vance taking care of her. Dwight and Angela were engaged, which they unofficially announced six months ago when she walked in with a beet-shaped diamond on her finger. And Michael was still the same old Michael, except he had a few grey hairs now on his head.

Jim had stayed at his same job. He was getting a decent salary and was making an impressive number of sales. However, when there isn’t much work to do, his mind always wanders to the same person.

He often thinks of Pam and what she’s doing. For the first two years he hoped that she would contact him. Everyday he checked his e-mails and voice messages with a glimmer of anticipation. He hoped for any kind of message that would apologize for leaving, for overreacting, for something, but nothing ever came. It took him all those years to realize she wasn’t contacting him. Clearly she wanted nothing to do with him.

“Hey Jim.” Toby said, knocking Jim out of his memories.

Jim shifted in his chair to face him, “Oh hey Toby, what can I do for you?”

“I was just wondering if you were planning on taking your two weeks vacation that you haven’t used yet or if you prefer to get paid for it instead? You see the quarter is coming to an end and all your vacation days will be renewed next month, so I was just wondering how you wanted me to handle it…”

“I’ll just take the money, thanks.” Toby nodded and headed back to his desk.

After he left, Jim opened up the bottom drawer of his desk and took out a picture of Pam. The edges had crumbled a bit from being handled so much, but her smile still shined brightly at Jim who couldn’t help but smile himself when he saw it. It was his favorite picture that he had taken on his new digital camera about eight years ago during one of Dunder Mifflin’s annual outings.

At times like this, it’s still difficult for Jim to believe that he has gone the past six years without her. Despite all the time that has passed, he still misses her so much he literally aches inside.

However, looking at this picture on this day something finally clicked in his head. He got up out of his chair and headed to the other side of the office where Toby sat.

“Hey” he said casually.

“Hey Toby, listen, I changed my mind, I’d like to take my vacation days and use them.”

“Ok, great. You sound like you’re a man with a plan.”

Jim smiled. “Oh, I am.”

“Where you headed? If you don’t mind me asking that is.” Toby inquired.

Jim paused for a moment before nodding his head. “Boston. I’m going to Boston.”

  As Jim drove up Interstate 95 he thought a lot about what he would say to her. He tried to formulate a reasoning as to why he never went after her. Truth is he tried so hard to get her to talk to him again and then she just left. His feeling of defeat was the main reason why he never went to find her after he found out where she was.

 Finding out where she was had been the easy part. Thanks to Kelly and her inability to keep a secret, he had finagled out of her Pam’s location.  

“But you can’t tell her I told you or she will totally kill me and never tell me to keep a secret again, but at least I…” Jim remember how her voice had trailed off as if she was about to divulge another secret, yet she turned and walked away before she slip up again.  

It didn’t bother Jim all that much that Kelly knew things about Pam that he didn’t. He knew the important things such as where she lived, that her mother had moved out to Boston with her, and that she was safe and seemingly happy. Only when she talked about Pam did Kelly seem nervous and fidgety and almost always walk away from Jim in a hurry.

 Brushing those memories away, Jim smiled as he drove past the Welcome to Massachusetts sign. He glanced at the address Kelly eagerly gave him squealing “Jim you’re going to get her back! That’s so great! Here… go get your girl!” Then he checked his MapQuest directions before putting his foot on the accelerator. He didn’t know what he was going to say to her. He was armed with only his feelings for her and a picture of the both of them that he brought with him. He didn’t know why he brought a picture, but he kept it up on his dashboard for the entire car ride. Every time he looked at it and saw Pam’s smiling face that was looking directly in his own smiling face, it reminded him what he was driving towards and what he was prepared to fight for.  

An hour later he stood in front of the house with a house number and street matching his directions. He pulled over to the side of the road, grabbed the picture on his dashboard, got out and took a moment to admire the house which he thought looked exactly like a house she would live in. She had finally gotten her white terrace. There was a big porch in the front that had a swing seat and potted flowers that were beginning to bud. His skin tingled with excitement when he realized how close he was to her. He could feel his heart beating due to his own nervousness.  

As he was about to take a step to cross the street and ring the doorbell, he saw the kitchen light turn on. A woman with medium length brown hair carried a child in her arms and sat her down on the countertop to tend to the wound that the child had gotten on her knee. Jim smiled as he saw how Pam hadn’t changed that much at all. She still looked as beautiful as she did in his memory.

A man soon followed into the kitchen as he placed a soft kiss atop the child’s head and then bent down to kiss her knee. The child giggled after Pam bandaged the wounded area, and then jumped off the counter, playfully running out of the room. Jim, as if in a solemn trance, watched as the man slid his arm around Pam’s small waist and proceeded to kiss her softly on the lips.

It was then, when Pam had her arms wrapped around the gentleman’s neck that Jim saw the sparkles of a diamond ring reflecting off of her finger. All of his hopes came crashing down around him as his heart broke into a million pieces. Although he had prepared himself these past few years that she might have moved on and gotten married, he still clung to the hope that she hadn’t and they would have a chance to rekindle a relationship. 

During his drive up he envisioned that he would ring the doorbell and Pam would throw her arms around him and tell him that she had been waiting for him. That she was always waiting for him and she could never love anyone else like she loved him.  

He found himself smiling though. The selfless part of him was happy. She had found someone to love and live her life with. After everything she had gone through with her parents, Roy, Karen, and the bold new personality she began to he couldn’t help but feel proud of her. Proud that she made it through the darkness and had found the happiness that life can offer. He knew that she was happy, and he felt a sort of content in that knowledge. But the selfish part of him felt like crawling into the sewer and dying.