Then it’s a date. These four words reverberated in Jim’s head as he drove home to get ready for his date with Pam. He thought to himself Holy shit, I am going on a date with Pam! Tonight!!!! 

Once he was home, he stripped out of his interview suit, threw on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, cracked open a beer and sank his tired body into the couch. For the zillionth time today, his mind was playing the movie of his life. He was thinking about all that had transpired with Pam in the last week, the last few months, the last year. By now he had run Pam’s beach speech through his head a zillion times; he even took to saying it out loud when he had trouble sleeping (which was pretty much every night). He replayed yesterday’s morning at work when Pam complimented his stupid haircut and how he got chills hearing her say he looked nice. He thought about the laughter they shared at Jan’s expense, which didn’t last too long thanks to Karen cutting in. He remembered having the image of Pam’s beautiful “good luck” smile in his head as he drove to New York with Karen. He thought about the past day and a half in New York, how he had woke up in the middle of the night in the hotel to the sound of his own voice muttering “Pam, Pam, Pam” as he transitioned from dream to reality. How all he could remember about his dream was that Pam was wrapped up in his arms and they were sharing an incredible kiss. His dream obviously aroused him in more ways than one, and he briefly considered masturbating right there in the hotel bed, next to the sleeping Karen, when reason got the best of him and he slipped out of the sheets that smelled strongly of bleach into the bathroom with a throbbing heart and a Pam-grown erection. He stepped into the shower, and on Park and 49th, he brought himself to orgasm thinking about Pam for the umpteenth time. He had spent the remaining hours until the sun came up on the couch re-reading, again, From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.  He had picked the book up on a whim earlier in the evening when he and Karen (at Karen’s insistence) had gone “sightseeing” at Barnes & Noble on 5th Avenue. He ignored the strange look that she gave him when he bought it, and didn’t even bother to offer an explanation. He smiled to himself as he read the last page and headed for the bathroom for his second shower of the brand new day. When Karen woke up, he was interview-ready. 

The rest of what happened in New York was sort of a big blur to him. He recalled sitting in the reception area with Karen and Michael, Jan’s meltdown, Karen’s lack of concern for Jan, and his relief when she decided to go have lunch with her friends rather than hang around and wait for him. All of that kind of happened so fast that it all blended together as one big memory. He had remembered the mental note he made to himself to have a conversation with Michael about the whole Jan situation. Michael, in all his buffoonery, had actually turned out to be a true friend to Jim and Jim realized now that he had never acted in kind.  

His thoughts then turned to his interview with Wallace, which he was pretty sure he had aced, until he saw the note. This was his moment of clarity. He was done at that point. Done with the interview, done with New York, done with Karen, done with hiding, done with lying to himself, done with trying to be what he wasn’t. The façade he had invented for himself was over. He had graciously bowed out of the interview after admitting to David (and himself) that he could not see himself in New York for the long haul, or even the short haul. Without saying the exact words, he explained to David that his heart, and the woman who held the key to it, was back in Scranton. David had seemed to understand and was gracious enough about the whole thing. Jim had walked out of that building a hundred pounds lighter than he had walked in. He had called Karen and told her over the phone that he was going back to Scranton. Alone. He had wanted to do it in person, but he wound up breaking up with her right over the phone. He was as kind as he could be, but she was still upset. He felt bad for hurting her and told her as much, and that was the end of that. For now, he guessed, since he had no idea if she as going to get the corporate job or remain working in Scranton as well. So he had made the drive back home, thoughts of Pam swirling through his head (for a change, he sarcastically told himself), and not able to wait a second longer, barged in on her time with the camera crew and asked her out!  

And now here he was, about to go out on a date with the woman he had been in love with since the first second he laid eyes on her. He broke from his reverie, not realizing he had been crying a little while thinking about everything. He wiped his face, finished his beer and dialed Pam’s cell number, which he had committed to memory all those years ago, but never actually dialed until now. She answered on the first ring. The sound of her voice sent him reeling. “Hi” she had said, obviously recognizing his number as well. “Hey Pam. I just want to confirm that I’ll pick you up at 7 tonight.” “Cool, see you then” she said. He could hear the nervousness in her voice, but he could also hear her smiling and could totally picture her doing so. “See you later” he said, and they hung up.  

After he shaved and showered, he clothed himself in a button up white shirt tucked into a pair of jeans. Thankfully his hair was still long enough for him to maneuver it back to “normal” or at least a shorter version of normal. He hated that dumb haircut, felt like a doofy little kid in it. At that point he thought of the way Karen had pushed him into it and he had started to get angry. Let it go, he said to himself, and he did, just like that. Tonight he was going out with Pam, and he would not let ugly thoughts creep into his head. He brushed his teeth, grabbed his keys and his wallet, and off he went. He made a quick stop to pick up some flowers for Pam.

Jim had not been so nervous since, when? Oh yeah, since Casino Night when he laid it all on the line, twice. Now here he was face to face with the door to Pam's apartment. He needed a minute to compose himself, wipe the sweat off his hands which was seeping into the stems of the flowers he gingerly held, and do a quick check of his back-to-normal Jim hair in the tiny little mirror right above Pam's doorbell. He did a few deep breaths and rang the bell. "Just a sec" her sweet, soothing voice called out from behind the barrier. A few minutes passed and the door was opened. The vision on the other side, literally took his breath away.

"Pam," he said, his voice choked with emotion "Oh my God, you look incredible."

Flowers still in hand, a single tear running down his cheek, he gathered the beautiful woman standing before him in his arms and held her until the feeling in his knees came back. He wasn't sure who stopped hugging first, it didn't matter, did it? This wasn't the mildly lame hug they shared at the beach, this was a hug full of love, full of promise, full of a year's worth of unexpressed thoughts and feelings. He took in her smell. Though he didn't know the name of it, he would recognize her perfume in a nanosecond, it was burned into his olfactory glands, he would sometimes conjure it up in his mind before drifting off to sleep...OK he was back in the moment now. As their embrace ended, he stepped back a few paces, held her soft hands in his and drank in the sight of her, head to toe.

"Wow Pam, I can't believe I am here, we are here. I can't believe this is happening." A little awkwardly he handed her the flowers.  

“Want a tour of the place?” she asked him.

“Absolutely I do” he replied, to which they both smiled.

She reached for his hand and led him to the kitchen “my one kitchen, ta-da,” she said.

He took it all in – the small round wooden table where he pictured her eating, drawing, sitting in her pajamas…, the sink, the refrigerator, the cabinets, the tiles on the floor. She had let go of his hand and asked him if he would reach a vase for her that was high up in one of the cabinets. He got it down and handed it to her when their eyes met. She gave him a small smile, which he returned. He watched her fill the vase and rinse it, fill it again and then cut the stems off the flowers before placing them inside. She brought the full vase out into the living room where she placed it on the coffee table, which sat between the TV and the couch. The living room was nice, not very big, but very homey and comfy looking. He was picturing her sprawled out on the couch in nothing but a tank top and shorts when he realized she had been saying something.

Hello, Halpert, are you there?”

“Sorry, I drifted. I can’t believe I’m here, it’s a lot to digest” he stammered.

“Yeah, no kidding, I’ve lived the saga with you, remember?”

“Of course I do, sorry. Now, where is that fancy new bedroom of yours?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.

She reached for his hand again and led him to it. Mecca would not have been so beautiful as far as he was concerned. The room consisted of a bed, a nightstand, a dresser, a mirror, a lamp and a chair. It was full in its emptiness, it was so very Pam. His eyes went immediately to the sketchpad that sat opened on her nightstand. He wasn’t able to see what was on the open page from his vantage point, and he didn’t want to bombard her with a hundred questions about her art right now. He turned to look at her looking at him look at her bedroom. He turned to face her, to absorb every detail of her with his eyes. Her hair fell loose around her face, there was no barrette holding it back. He remembered the last time he had seen her hair like this, only for a brief second that horrible day when Michael let the whole office know his secret feelings for Pam. Her face, always lovely, radiated from beneath her luxurious hair. She had on more lipstick than he had ever seen her wear and he thought she may have been wearing eye shadow. She had on dangling silver earrings that seemed to enhance the sparkle in her eyes. She was wearing a dark red shirt with a plunging neckline, that had somehow escaped him when he first walked in. He stuck his hands in his pockets in an attempt to hide the reaction going on underneath his jeans. She was stunning, absolutely fucking stunning, and he hadn’t even made it past her shirt yet!  Her skirt was not a typical Pam skirt at all. It was on the short side, black, shiny, and flouncy. Much to his delight, her legs were bare and her feet were encased in silver strapped sandals with a small heel.

He stepped back and said “Wow. You are an extraordinarily beautiful woman Pam.”

He saw her blush and he moved closer. He reached out for her with both hands, still mildly aware of the throbbing in his pants. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her deeply. Her body pressed up against his got him even more excited and he was sure she felt it, but there wasn’t much he could do about it at this point. Besides, he had told promised himself yesterday that he was done hiding. Her hands had moved up to his hair where she was slowly raking her fingers.

She pulled back after a few minutes of serious tongue kissing, smiled and said “wow! I’m afraid if we don’t stop now we’ll never even make it to dinner.”

“OK by me” he said with a wink.

He stepped closer to her again kissed her very softly.

With great restraint, after a few minutest he pulled back, held her hands in his and with a cracking voice said “I am having a real hard time believing that this is happening. As much as I would love to spend the rest of tonight in this very spot, kissing you, we are in need of nourishment.” At that they both smiled.

“I thought we would go to Coopers.”

“I love Coopers” Pam said enthusiastically, and she actually clapped her hands.

He looked at her with that you’re such a dork face and could literally feel the warmth spread inside his heart. He thought of how long it had been since he felt this good and the truth made him feel momentarily sick inside, but then he remembered where he was and who he was with and was back in the present again, happy.

“Let’s go,” he said.

“Okay, I just have to go to the bathroom first”. She flashed him a sweeter than anything smile and walked down the hall. He waited for her, thinking about whether he would bring up anything serious during dinner, wait for her to do it, or just keep the conversation light and completely skirt around everything. He was sort of lost in thought when she appeared at his side. Pam grabbed her purse and they walked out the door. 

The conversation on the car ride to Coopers consisted of Jim giving Pam the plot details of Rocky Balboa. She listened in mock awe and the ease of talking to her as if nothing out of the ordinary had ever transpired between the two of them simultaneously scared the shit out of him and inflated him. They got to the restaurant and settled into a booth in the back. While they looked at the menus, he managed to keep cracking jokes without even trying. She was laughing and smiling. At his jokes! Right across the table from him in a lovely restaurant! His head was spinning, but in a good way. They each ordered a glass of wine and ordered their meals.

While they were eating their salads, Jim swallowed hard and said “Pam, I am so sorry about what I just sprung up on you last year. I shouldn’t have split like that, I know that now. I was just so destroyed when you rejected me, I knew if I stayed I would have completely fallen apart. I was selfish and I was wrong.”

“Wow. I didn’t know what to expect from tonight, and have been so nervous running a hundred different scenarios through my head. I’m really glad you brought this up because we really do need to talk about it,” Pam said.

“When you said what you did at the beach, it was the first time in a very long time that the part of me that I had buried on Casino Night came to life. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, couldn’t believe that I was actually right about what I thought I sensed from you when I had spent the past year doubting my own judgment. I took that chance last May because I had a shred of hope that you felt about me the way that I had felt about you. When you told me I misinterpreted things, you might as well have told me that the sky is green and the grass is blue, it changed the way I saw things.”

He took a sip of wine and said “Are you okay? Am I going too deep too fast?”

She reached across the table and lay her hand on top of his.

A shiver went up his spine at her touch. “No, I’m okay, thanks for asking. Please keep talking.”

“All those months in Stamford I dialed most of your number a million times, but never had the guts to push the 4 that it ends with. I wanted to talk to you a hundred times a day, I never, ever stopped thinking about you. When I found out you didn’t marry Roy, I kept imagining you would call me and you didn’t. I don’t mean that as a dig on you, I just want to finally be honest with you, so please don’t take any of this against you, ok?”

She responded with a nod and a small smile.

By now their entrees had arrived and they had started eating.

“How about we take a break from this heavy discussion for a while?”

“I’m in” she said.

“This salmon is awesome, how’s that jumbo shrimp treating you?”

“It’s delicious” she replied.

“So you want to hear how I spent the majority of the day at work?” she asked him.

“Don’t tell me, Michael had you working blindfolded and banned you from uttering the letter “s” for the day.”

“Not quite that exciting” she said with a smile. “My assignment for the day was a promotion to Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.”

“No way,” he said, giggling.

“I kid you not” Pam said, giggling herself. She then went on to explain the intricate details of all being the Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager entailed to an enthralled Jim.

Jim listened intently as Pam took him through the day at Dwight’s side. Their conversation flowed so naturally, so perfectly, he was almost able to completely forgot the experiences of the last year for a few seconds. They fell into a smooth rhythm of talking and laughing and reveling in each other’s comfort. When Pam had finished recounting the day at Dunder Mifflin, Jim filled her in on what went down at corporate with Jan. He told her how he really felt bad for her and didn’t see that coming at all, she had always seemed so sure of herself and put together. They psychoanalyzed Jan for a while, then ordered dessert and coffee. Sharing a meal with this woman seated across from him had lifted Jim a thousand feet off the ground.

“So listen,” Jim said. “speaking of today at corporate, you haven’t even asked me what happened with the job.”

“I know,” Pam said. “Obviously something happened. You left Scranton yesterday with your girlfriend so you could both interview for one job opening. Not to mention the fact that Michael was also interviewing for this very same position. Michael comes back to announce he is never, ever, ever leaving, and you show up a few hours later, minus girlfriend, and ask me on a date. I figured you needed some time to process it all.” She said with a smile.

He met her smile with a smile, took a sip of his wine and continued.“So I was sitting there in Wallace’s office, the interview is going pretty well, and then I see the note you slipped me.” “Why, whatever are you talking about?” She says with a shit eating grin on her face. “Seriously, I am really glad that you saw it. Please go on” She polished off the rest of her shrimp while she listened. “I thought to myself wow, a week ago she informs me that she just so happened to have called off her wedding because of me, and now she slips me a note?! I just spent the worst fucking year of my entire life attempting to get over her, and here she shows up, bottom of the ninth, with no mixed signals whatsoever. This girl continues to amaze me. I’m sure there are a lot of people who would think that I gave up the chance of a lifetime when I purposely ended that interview, but that’s not what I think.” “It’s not?” Pam said, her eyes full of wonder. 

"No, I think that you, Pam, are the chance of a lifetime. Walking away from you? For the second time? No way was I doing that. So I told Wallace a version of the truth and then I told Karen.” He watched Pam take a big gulp of her wine.

“I never really gave you any explanation for coming back with Karen after Stamford closed. I’m sorry for that. I only started seeing her as a way to try and forget about you. I know it sounds as if I used Karen, and I suppose I sort of did in a way. I never meant to be mean or to hurt her. She was nice enough and we had an okay time together. Pam, I never loved her, I never even really got to know her very well. I guess I thought it would be easier to spend time with someone to save me from spending so much time with myself. I think she wanted a lot more out of that relationship than I really cared to give, but I also think in the back of her mind, she kind of always knew it wouldn’t work out, especially after she got wind of the fact that I had had feelings for you.” 

Pam interrupted with “she cornered me in the kitchen on the day of Phyllis’ bridal shower and told me she knew that we kissed.” 

“She what??” he asked, his voice slightly raised. 

“Truthfully, I was really upset by it, but I was too deeply involved at hiding my true feelings at that point that I never said a thing to her or to you. What she said to me was that you and her had talked about the kiss that we shared. The kiss, that to me, was so special, I hadn’t even had the courage to talk to you about it, what she said made me feel like it was cheapened. You told her it was no big deal, which is how I assumed you felt about it. I was crushed, but pretended everything was peachy keen, just like I always do.” 

“I’m really pissed at her for doing that to you. How dare she! I don’t want to waste any energy getting upset about her right now, but you’ve got it all wrong. After you and I had carefully executed that brilliant prank on Andy, Karen flipped out a little bit. She saw the way you and I interacted, and much to her chagrin, connected and she went ape shit. I had told you, in fact it was that same day I think when Ben Franklin came to visit. I had told you that me and Karen were doing some heavy late night talks. She nagged me to death with questions about you and me for days on end after we broke Andy’s brain. She asked me if we had done anything and, wanting to end the constant questioning, finally told her that yes, we did. I told her about the time you kissed me after you won your Dundie.” 

“Wow,” Pam said, all this time I wasn’t sure if that actually happened or if it was something I imagined in my drunken haze.” 

“It was real, that kiss was real,” he continued. “So I told her that we had kissed, there was liquor involved, and it was no big deal. I never told Karen about the kiss we shared on Casino Night. I never told another living soul about that kiss. I’ve been carrying that kiss around with me for a year. I cherish that kiss, and the only person I have any desire to discuss it with is you.”

He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile and continued. “So when I called Karen, I was going to meet her and tell her the truth, but as we were talking on the phone, it just came out. She wasn’t very happy about it, but I wouldn’t have felt very good about dating you while I was still somewhat involved with her.”  

Chapter 5 Confession 

 Pam interrupted him at this point saying “Oh my God. The last time I had any clear picture as to how you felt about me was Casino Night. I thought that you totally moved on. Please hear me out before you go any further. I’m really sorry for all the pain I have caused you - starting with the mixed signals I’ve been sending you since the day I met you. The truth is, I was with Roy for an extremely long time when I met you, and while my relationship with him wasn’t ideal, it was decent enough. I knew I was going to marry him so it was safe for me to completely ignore the fact that I was substituting you for him. This was wrong and unfair of me. When I met you, I felt something that I hadn’t felt for anybody else. Ever. And it scared me because you weren’t Roy. I’m sorry for probably leading you on, I just didn’t know how to handle my own feelings.” 

Jim couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Pam sure was full of surprises tonight!

Pam stopped for a second to take a sip of her wine and continued with “I never intended to hurt you, I guess I felt that because I was, at least on the surface, allowing myself to live under the pretense that I didn’t have any feelings for you other than friendship, that you wouldn’t think that I had any either and so I forced myself to bury them deep. I think I always knew, though refused to admit it to myself, that you felt something too. I would not allow myself to admit it because I wasn’t ready to even think there was a possibility of me not winding up with Roy. Please understand how terrified I was of my feelings for you. You showed me what I wasn’t ready to see. I want you to know that every time we did something fun at work, or you made me laugh, or we talked, or even looked at each other were really the best times of my days, okay my life.”  

Jim nearly spit out the wine he was drinking at this statement but composed himself with a small coughing fit.  

 Once Jim’s coughing had subsided, Pam went on to say “I wish I could turn around and rewind so I could get it right this time with you. I have replayed Casino Night a million times in my head. I know you would have no way of knowing this because I chose to say nothing at all to you about it. When I said to you “I can’t” I really couldn’t. I did not have it in me, at that moment in time, to admit the truth to either one of us. I wasn’t thinking clearly for a long time, and I’m still not. I am so, so, so sorry for acting like nothing happened between us. When you told me what you did, you forced me to take a look at my life, which I hadn’t ever intended to do. I am so grateful to you for this, you have no idea. I know now that in trying to climb out of my own shit, I completely disregarded your feelings and put you in a horrible place. Again, I am really, really sorry.”  

Pam stopped for some more wine, never taking her eyes off of him while she finished her speech with “Jim, I realize that I let a ridiculously long amount of time pass without me saying so much as a word about anything to you. I screwed up. Big time. You telling me that you were in love with me on Casino Night was the best thing that ever happened to me. No wait, you kissing me on Casino Night was the best thing that ever happened to me. No wait, us being on a date right now is the best thing. I don’t know what’s the best, because any time spent with you is the best time. I really want to make it clear to you how very sorry I am for everything, and also how much you mean to me, how much I have missed you, and oh yeah, I’m in love with you too.”  

As Jim listened to these unbelievable words tumble out of Pam’s mouth, he sat across from her holding her gaze. He loved the way her brow furrowed as she spoke, it was so adorable. After she finished talking, she hit her wine glass again, pretty hard this time. He was completely amazed and totally blown away by what she just said. He got up from his side of the booth and sat down next to her. They sat there for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes and smiling slightly. He took her in his arms right there and they held each other for a few minutes before he broke the hug. 

“Wow,” he said, as he let go of her. “You have just made me the happiest man in this booth.” They both laughed as he went on to say “Seriously, I had hoped and dreamed and imagined and fantasized a million scenarios of us, but nothing I came up with is anywhere near as amazing as what you just said.” He gave her hand a little squeeze.

Jim said “I’m going to back over to my side for again before they throw us out of this fancy restaurant for inappropriate booth behavior, ok?”

“Seriously?” he asked.

"Seriously," she answered.

"Ummm, if I must," he said with a smile.

She returned his smile, got in the car and belted herself.

Jim got in, and before he put his seatbelt on he reached over to her and said “thank you.”