Every Dunder-Mifflin employee, as Dwight constantly reminded Jim, was given the “privilege” of a half-hour paid lunch break per workday. Jim took his lunch at noon every day, and recently had gone back to the same lunch every day, a ham and cheese sandwich and carrot sticks. However, today wasn’t like every other day, it was Friday and more then that it was the Friday before a three-day weekend.

With that and a multitude of other things on his mind, Jim walked into the break room at 11:30 and prepared to take a long lunch, a very long lunch. He bought a Coke and set his sandwich and baggie of carrots in front of him on the table and sighed deeply. He unclenched his jaw, uncurled his toes, and willed himself to relax, if only for a minute. He had been back in Scranton for a couple of months now, and things were going all right but the tension and awkwardness with Pam sapped the energy out of him every day. Most days when he got back to his apartment he usually just collapsed on his sofa, which was flanked on either side by still unpacked boxes.

He tried hard to focus on Karen, on her personality and her sense of humor. When that failed he focused on her superficially, her lips, her small waist, and slender legs. That usually worked once or sometimes twice a week, but it left him with the feeling that he was becoming the kind of guy that he had always hated. The kind of guy that objectified women and stayed in relationships for the sex. He thought about Katy and now Karen, and wondered if he was only a couple more women away from becoming Todd Packer. The thought made him shutter and he bit into his sandwich and re-focused on relaxing. It didn’t last long.

Dwight entered the break room with a pace usually reserved for Olympians. Jim took a sip of his Coke and prepared himself for a speech about dereliction of duty. He decided then that he wasn’t in the mood for a lecture, and would pull rank on him if necessary. It was, yet again, something that made him feel uncomfortable and not at all himself. Jim had avoided using his title of “Assistant Regional Manager” against Dwight as much as possible, except for pranks of course. Pulling rank, treating others like subordinates made him feel like he should have product in his hair, a briefcase in his hand, an ex-wife, and a mortgage. He wasn’t Corporate, he was fine with not combing his hair, his satchel bag, and renting. He blocked out the question of a girlfriend altogether. Interrupting his never-ending stream of thought was Dwight’s question, said with a machine-gun like ferocity.

“What is this?”

Jim looked up to answer him, to tell him that he outranked him, and that he should leave him the hell alone, but he swallowed his words when he saw that Dwight wasn’t even looking at him. Instead, he was staring at the sideboard, and a copy of the board game RISK that was sitting there. Jim hadn’t even noticed it when he had come in he had been so preoccupied with his own thoughts. He stared at the game and then back up at Dwight and asked the most self-evident question that came to mind.

“Uh….is that a rhetorical question Dwight?”

Dwight’s brow furrowed and he stared at Jim through squinted eyes. The look alternately amused and slightly alarmed Jim.

“Yes, I know what it is Jim…What is it doing here? How did it get here? Whose is it?” Dwight now had his hands on his hips, and looked the very model of a Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy.

Jim was too weary from the day to mess with Dwight. He had made eye contact with Pam once the entire morning, and she had immediately looked back to her monitor, her face the picture of apathy. He just wanted Dwight gone so he could munch his carrot sticks, drink his Coke, and eat his sandwich.

“I don’t know Dwight, somebody must have brought it in….uh…obviously…” Jim was evidently more tired then he thought. “It’s really not a big deal.”

“It has no name or any type of identification or ownership marks. I am confiscating it immediately.” Dwight reached over, picked up the game, and turned to leave.

Jim wanted to let him go, wanted to let him walk out the door, but he couldn’t. The game obviously belonged to somebody, and he couldn’t just let Dwight steal it.

“Dwight, you can’t just take the game ok? It belongs to somebody and when they find out you took it they’re going to be angry...” Jim stopped when he realized threatening Dwight with the possibility of being unpopular was a ridiculous idea. He immediately changed gears. “…and they’ll probably report you to Toby, and then your permanent file will say that you stole from your co-workers.” Jim smiled, he knew that he had convinced him even before he saw Dwight’s reaction.

Dwight froze at Jim’s words, and then slowly turned around. His eyes flitted back and forth, obviously pondering the likelihood of such a besmirching of his Dunder-Mifflin record. He walked back to the counter and slowly put the box down exactly where he had found it. He turned towards Jim.

“Jim, I would never steal anything. When I was 12, my sixth grade class went to The Anthracite Museum. They were giving away one free polished stone to children under 13. I took a Tiger’s Eye, because of my love for the cinematic masterpiece Rocky. When I got home I found a Hematite in my pocket. I immediately suspected Raj Patel, my arch-nemesis…” Despite the caffeine from the Coke, Jim’s survival instincts began to take over, and he began to fade in and out of Dwight’s speech. He re-focused to catch the end. “…after the INS left, I demanded that my father drive me back to the Museum so that I could give back the second stone. Despite the fact that I hadn’t stolen it!”

Jim looked blankly at Dwight, and reached lazily for a carrot, which he began to chew in the side of his mouth. “Wow Dwight….that….that was a lot of information….that I am now forced to remember.”

“Irrelevant. Also, I am a RISK Grandchampion, I’ve played 148 games. Sooo…” Dwight trailed off, and looked at Jim, expecting a suitably impressed face, a look that would acknowledge his RISK superiority. He was disappointed.

Once again, Jim knew he should just shut up. Go back to his lunch and then maybe he could be alone for a minute to relax, but he just couldn’t help himself, he had to ask.

“Whom do you play against?”

Dwight looked confused at the question. “What do you mean?”

“You know…its like a three player or more game…so whom do you play against?” Jim couldn’t imagine how Dwight had played so many games. It implied friends, or at least people that were willing to sit in a room with him for hours and not be paid for it. He briefly considered kidnapping, but dismissed it.

“I play against myself, I’m a Grandchampion. There is no tougher competition.” Dwight said matter-of-factly.

Jim smiled, and cocked his head to the side, closing his left eye slightly more then the right, “You play RISK….against yourself?”

Dwight was unfazed by his tone of voice. “Yes, I play with four armies, and designate each as a imperial force from a different historical epoch. Romans, Mongolians, British, and Nazis slash Germans. I then proceed to take command of each force and attempt to guide them to world supremacy.”

Jim sat up and stared back at Dwight, the smile still on his face. He imagined Dwight feverishly hunched over a RISK board, somewhere in a barn, doing the sound effects of the various conflicts. He probably kept a running journal of each game, so that he could learn from his mistakes. Jim laughed out loud at the thought. His laugh provoked another stern look and speech from Dwight.

“Jim, RISK is a very serious game! It’s a game of global domination, there is nothing more important then power. You wouldn’t understand that of course….you wouldn’t last 10 turns in a hardcore game of RISK.” He practically spat the last words at Jim, who was now chuckling, to the further enragement of Dwight.

“Wow Dwight…you think that you could beat me in a game of RISK? I mean—” He was cut off by Dwight.

“I would murder you in a game of RISK Jim. The Nazi army would blitzkrieg you off the map---” Now it was Jim’s turn to interrupt Dwight.

“Wait….” Jim looked at Dwight with one eyebrow raised, and an overall bemused expression. “You would choose to be the Nazis?” He had clearly caught Dwight off guard.

“No! I mean….of course not! Jim, don’t attempt to confuse me with your femininesque wiles…” Jim looked around, desperately hoping to find a camera to glance into, but there was none. “Regardless of my army, I would efficiently and effectively guide them to total victory of whatever half-baked opposition you attempted.”

For a moment, Jim forgot about Karen, Pam, and even the fact that he had hitched his career to a failing mid-sized paper company. The possibility of beating Dwight on his own terms was just too tempting, he couldn’t resist. Plus, it was Friday, before a three-day weekend, which meant most of his customers were gone anyway. The weariness and anxiety that he had entered the break room was temporarily gone. He locked eyes with Dwight, drained his face of any traces of amusement and said with the greatest amount of mock-seriousness that he could muster, “let’s do it then.”

Dwight actually took a step backwards, so shocked at Jim’s challenge. He blinked several times without speaking. “I---I----Jim we can’t play RISK at work, it would be inappropriate! A misallocation of company time...”

Jim knew that he had Dwight on his heels, and decided to push him even further. “Oh…yeah you’re probably right Dwight. I mean….I realize that you probably should get back, you know, make some sales. I know that you’re behind me….plus, you wouldn’t want to lose RISK in front of your co-workers, I’d probably be embarrassing.”

Dwight looked as though Jim had stood up, walked three paces towards him and slapped him across the face. He reached up to adjust his glasses and run his fingers through his hair. Jim watched him closely. He could tell Dwight was pondering his challenge. When Dwight instinctively licked his bottom lip in thought, Jim decided it was better if he didn’t look so close and returned back to his lunch. Silence fell between the two of them for what felt like minutes. Dwight eventually spoke. “I accept your challenge Jim. We shall meet on the battlefield as men, and I will eviscerate you.” The intensity in his eyes and face had returned in full force.

“Wow…eviscerate? Really? That seems….a little harsh.” Dwight ignored him and brought over the RISK box and set it on the table forcefully. “Dwight, the two of us can’t play RISK, we need, like, two more people.”

Dwight paused and turned to Jim, their faces now only inches apart. “I accept your terms” he announced.

“What terms?”

“The ones that you just dictated. A global war cannot be fought between two separate superpowers, it is unfeasible, and expensive….” Jim once again began to feel drowsy but held it together to listen to Dwight. “…we should conscript two more Dunder-Mifflin employees to participate in the campaign.” Dwight’s increasingly militaristic vocabulary only broadened Jim’s smile and amusement of the entire situation.

“We could do that…or, we could ask people if they wanted to play. Like people would.” Jim paused, and reflected on who in the office would want to play. Pam? Maybe, but that would probably be a bad idea. Karen? That would be an even worse idea. He had seen Karen play Call of Duty in Stamford, and he didn’t want RISK to end in the game board being overturned by Karen unleashing a flying kick at Dwight’s head. Plus, she had told him yesterday that they wouldn’t be able to eat lunch together today because she had to run errands during the break. What about Phyllis? Jim pondered it for a moment, why not? That could work.

“Hey Dwight, what about Phyllis? I’m sure she would love to play.”

Dwight, who had now opened and was examining the contents of the RISK box, smiled and shook his head at him. It reminded Jim of the way someone might look at a puppy chasing its tail. “Jim..” he started in a soft, almost insultingly slow pace, “…this is RISK, this is war. Leading men into combat, strategy, and domination of one’s opponent. There is no place for women in RISK.” Jim was about to interject that it was the twenty-first century, but thought better of it and let Dwight continue, “women are soft, gentle.….” his voice trailed away a little, and his eyes glazed over slightly. Jim choked back carrot. “….petite creatures. Their minds are pure, and should not be cluttered with the harsh realities of combat and destruction.”

Jim squinted sharply, and frowned, unsure of exactly how to logically combat Dwight’s illogical assumptions about women. He picked up the top of the box that Dwight had discarded into the chair next to him and pointed to it. “Yeah….it says here that its for ages 10 and up. That….and the fact that there is no war….or destruction…or combat….you know, because it’s a game with plastic figures and dice.” His mocking tone, as usual, was not picked up on by Dwight.

“You don’t understand Jim. I’m not surprised. You may be having relations with Karen, but you obviously don’t understand women.” Dwight’s comment shot Jim’s eyebrows to near his hairline, but he bit back his tongue. He didn’t want to get into a conversation about Karen with anyone. Dwight continued, “I refuse to play RISK with women, its unfair to them.”

Jim didn’t want to continue to argue with Dwight about it, especially when he knew that Phyllis was the only woman he would ask anyway. Instead, he twisted the right corner of his mouth into a smile and said, “I agree Dwight, making them play RISK with you would be unfair to them.”

“Good, I’m glad we finally agree on something. Now…” Dwight stood up from the table, which now had the game board folded out and four different colored armies assembled off to either side, and strode towards the door, “…let’s go find two men to watch me crush you.”

Jim sighed, pushed back his sandwich, and matched Dwight’s stride back into the office. Once there he turned to Dwight questioningly, “so who do you think we should ask?”

 

“No Dwight.”

Dwight took a step closer to him, and through clenched teeth hissed, “Jim!”

Jim stood next to Dwight near the water cooler. His back was slouched up against the wall, with one foot bracing himself against it, and his hands buried in his pockets. Dwight stood ramrod straight, with arms crossed, as he surveyed the office with the intensity of a hawk.

Jim followed his lead, albeit less intensely, and took in Sales, Accounting, Quality Assurance, and Reception. The first thing that he realized was that he wasn’t the only one who was taking it easy on a Friday before a long weekend.

Kevin was hitting a paper football into the glass partition at Angela, who looked at him with a ferocity that would have made Medusa look away. Kevin seemed unfazed.

Creed was….asleep? Jim couldn’t be sure exactly, he didn’t seem to be moving. He also had little bits of green something all over his shirt and in the saliva that was attempting a slow escape from his open mouth to his chin.

Meredith’s desk was empty. Jim remembered that Pam had gone into Michael’s office that morning and told him that she had called in sick earlier. Despite the suspiciousness in the timing of her illness, Michael had seemed perfectly all right with it.

Andy was doing his best Night at the Roxbury impression and tapping his pencil on the desk to the strange rhythms in his head. Jim guessed it was probably the Indigo Girls. Either way, his head and pencil were completely out of sync.

Ryan was actually talking on the phone, probably trying to make his first sale. Jim suddenly heard Kelly’s raised voice from the Annex. Its pitch caused his right eyelid to involuntarily spasm a little. He noticed that Ryan held the phone away from his ear at the same time.

Pam was…looking at him? Well, she had been for a second he thought. It was probably just his imagination, but he could have sworn he saw her forehead wrinkle in thought and her eyes in his direction. Either way, she was staring at her computer screen now.

The only thing more exhausting then Pam’s indifference towards him was that he knew she wasn’t truly indifferent towards him. He caught her in his peripheries several times a day, staring at him over the Reception desk, or at lunch, or in the conference room. Still, when he turned to face her, her wide eyes darted away. He was at a loss to explain it really. It was no different then it had been before, when they were friends. Of course, he had read something different into those looks then. It was a mistake that he absolutely would never make again. He would not put himself out like that. Make himself venerable for someone, only to have them crush you completely. Trusting someone else with those kinds of emotions, whether they asked for them or not…what did it do but give them power over you? To make you feel unbelievably drained of life constantly? It wasn’t even---Jim stopped himself. He felt a pair of eyes on him.

Karen was staring at him, smiling widely. Jim met her gaze and smiled back, immediately feeling guilty and tired all over again. Her look of happiness turned to confusion when she cocked an eyebrow at the odd pairing that was standing near the door. Jim didn’t really know what to say. He knew she wouldn’t be thrilled that he was spending time playing RISK with Dwight. He just shrugged and kept smiling at her. His thoughts were, as always, interrupted by Dwight.

“I’m telling you Jim, we should ask Stanley to participate in the campaign. Michael always talks about how important diversity is in the workplace. It will be like affirmative action…. but with RISK. Dunder-Mifflin is an equal opportunity employer.” Dwight’s gaze was now locked onto Jim’s.

Dwight’s insanity rebounded Jim’s energy. “Yeah…Dwight. First, that’s not really how affirmative action works. Second, Stanley doesn’t play games at work….other then crosswords…” he paused for a second in an attempt to make his next words clearer to Dwight, “…really no games that involve people other then, you know, himself.”

Dwight sighed and bent his head down to his chest in disappointment, only to whip it back quickly. “Well, we should ask Michael first anyway. As leader of the Branch, he is uniquely suited to the nuance and bravery inherent in a intense RISK match.”

Jim sighed lightly to himself. He really didn’t want to play RISK with Michael. It was just…he wanted to be out by 5, and with Michael playing he knew the rules would be changed and the game probably lengthened to sometime Saturday. Jim swished his tongue from the right side of his mouth to his left, an old habit he had before he made a sales pitch. “Dwight, you’re going to beat Michael in RISK? I mean if you’re the Grandchampion, then what chance does he have? Or are you going to forfeit, I mean surrender, I mean give up.” Jim punctuated the end of his pitch with added emphasis. He immediately saw that it had had the desired effect.

Dwight was lost in thought for a second or two before he began to speak cautiously, “yes Jim, you’re correct. Michael is much too busy to bother with such a triviality. I won’t be responsible for this branch losing a sale because our greatest salesman was preoccupied.”

Jim wondered how exactly that conclusion was agreeing with him in any way, but he decided as long as they agreed it didn’t matter. He blew out a breath and thought about who would want to play. He already knew one person who definitely would.

Jim walked slowly towards Accounting, as an alarmed Dwight trailed behind him. Tapping the salesman on the shoulder, Jim’s tongue swished one more time as he began to speak.

“Hey Andy, I was---”

“Grande Tuna! What’s the 411?” Andy excitedly interrupted him.

“Uh…yeah…I was wondering if you wanted to play RISK with Dwight and I in the break room?” Jim jerked his thumb in its general direction. He knew Andy couldn’t resist the offer. Between the opportunity to repeatedly call him Big Tuna and harass Dwight, Jim’s only worry was that he might hyperventilate and not make it to the break room.

“Wow Big Tuna, you honor and humble me with your generous offer. I cordially accept.”

“K….well we’re just going to get a fourth and then we’ll be good, so…”

“I’ll play.” Kevin had stopped flicking the paper football at the partition to listen to Jim and Andy’s conversation. “I know how, I’ve played with Abby cause….she made me.” He dragged out the last few words into a three-second monotone growl.

Dwight stepped up to Accounting and cast an aggravated glance at Jim. “Jim, I really don’t think that Kevin and Andy are….I mean, they don’t have the appropriate…..stuff to play.”

“Oh” Jim replied. “You mean you can’t beat them? I mean if you’re worried we can ask a woman, Angela!--- ”

“No! That’s…that’s fine Jim. This competition will an adequate audience for your humiliation at my hands.” Dwight turned on his heel and walked purposefully back to the break room.

“Alright buddy, sounds good” Jim called out to him as the break room door shut.

 

---

Jim took the seat to the left of Dwight, as Andy sat next to him on his left, and Kevin straight across at the table. It was now noon, and everyone was filing into the break room with their lunches clutched in their hands. The exceptions were Karen, Pam, and Michael. Jim had seen Pam leave a couple minutes before noon with her coat on and her sketchpad tucked under her arm. Seeing her leave, obviously prepared to go draw somewhere, was bittersweet. On the other hand, he didn’t really want to imagine what Michael was doing in his office alone during the break.

The game board hadn’t attracted much attention from anyone. Most simply looked at it, and then looked away to their lunches. Strangely enough though, the camera crew, well…one camera really, was squeezed into the break room with them. Jim thought it was a little odd. The camera crew didn’t usually film them during lunch. Most of the time, they piled into the van and went out to lunch on the production company’s dime. Curiosity got the better of him, and he asked,

“You guys are going to film four people….” he paused for dramatic effect, “...playing a board game?”

Steve, shifted the camera on his shoulder slightly, and answered.

“We took lunch already….’cause we’re going to leave early today. I think you were in the break room already. So yeah, we need some footage.”

Jim nodded back. Dwight, who now had the rulebook out and was reading the first page out loud, cut off any chance at further conversation.

“This is a map of the World!” he declared dramatically.

“Dwight, what are you doing?”

He glanced at Jim menacingly and then parroted back, “uhhhhhh…is that a rhetorical question Jim?”

Jim sighed, and then reloaded on patience. “No Dwight, I mean the three of us know the rules, and you’re a Grand Dungeon Master, shouldn’t you already know them too?”

Exasperated, Dwight stared back at Jim. “Jim I’m a Grandchampion, not a Dungeon Master. Also, I want to make sure we’re on the same page literally. In the wild, monkeys are afraid to eat red berries until they see another monkey do it. Then everyone can enjoy the delicious berries.” His face now reflected a self-satisfaction that Jim had to destroy.

“Ok….well that really has nothing to do with anything…at all. Also, you got that red berry thing from an episode of House.” Jim threw Dwight’s look of satisfaction back at him.

“Dammit.” Dwight realized he had been caught, and struggled to maintain some intellectual superiority. “….It is true that I originally discovered the red berry phenomenon on House. However, that is an impeccably researched medical drama.”

By this time, Kevin and Andy looked thoroughly confused. Andy attempted to hide it by nodding occasionally at what he thought were appropriate moments. Kevin did not.

“Anyway Jim, its now time to start the war to end all wars!---” Dwight was interrupted by Jim, who couldn’t help himself, again.

“That was World War One Dwight.”

Jim noticed that a vein in the middle of Dwight’s forehead had began to pulse rapidly, as he turned and said to him,

“Jim! Would you just….” Dwight exhaled sharply in anger.

“Go, go” Jim responded and waved his hand at him. Despite his quick-witted torture of Dwight, he was actually looking forward to playing.

“Thank you” Dwight answered breathlessly. “Now…the first thing we must do is each roll a die. Whoever rolls the highest number gets to place a soldier on a territory first. The placement of the soldiers will then proceed clockwise, one in every territory, until every territory is filled.”

Everybody nodded in agreement as they reached for a die. Andy rolled a 2, Kevin rolled a 5, Jim rolled a 2, and Dwight rolled a 6.

“Yes!” Dwight unleashed a celebratory air punch that threatened to unseat him. He then looked sternly around the table, “this is only the beginning of your winter of discontent--”

“I’m pretty sure that was Shakespeare Dwight.” Jim said reflexively and then smiled. He wasn’t sure how many high school English quotations, historical factoids, or random television trivia he could remember to annoy Dwight, but he was prepared to dig deep.

“Shut it Jim!” Dwight paused for a second to collect himself and continued, “….and I am going to place my first soldier” he picked up a piece and hovered his hand over the board. “In the Eastern United States…” He looked up determinedly at the camera, which was already focused on him, “that way I can protect Dunder-Mifflin and the American way of life.”

Jim then reached for a soldier, as he sat to the left of Dwight and it was his turn. He frowned the right side of his mouth in concentration as he surveyed the board. He smirked to himself and placed it on the Congo. He stared up wide-eyed at the camera, putting on the most innocent and serious face he could manage. “The Congo….because I care about people other then myself….and third-world debt and poverty...like Bono.” He heard Dwight swear under his breath next to him.

Wild-eyed, Andy grabbed for a soldier and hummed “The Ballad of the Green Berets” as he made his decision. He placed it on Central America.

“Central America” he announced. “Because one time I went there for Spring Break and it was off the hook…totally unplugged…err…off the hizzy?….anyway, it was while I was at Cornell.”

Kevin was already giggling to himself as he grabbed for his first soldier. He placed it on Brazil.

“Brazil” another giggle abruptly interrupted his explanation. He turned to look at the camera, “because Gisele Bundchen is hot.” Kevin somehow made “hot” reach three different octaves.

Jim saw Angela, who was sitting at an adjacent table, and evidently eavesdropping on the game, frown severely and shake her head.

The turns went around the table until all of the territories had been filled. Dwight had concentrated his forces in North America for its protection, and in South America, because it had America in the name.

Jim had concentrated his forces in Africa and…as much as it galled him, Australia. He further proclaimed his love of peace and inclusiveness with his African choices, and his love of Koalas and Didgeridoos for his Australian ones.

Andy had taken up most of Europe. With each claimed territory he had told a story from his semester abroad (from Cornell) there.

Kevin’s territories were scattered throughout the world. He had claimed Scandinavia for its Swedish women, Eastern Europe for Petra Nemcova and Heidi Klum, and Argentina for Yamila Diaz. By the time he was done, his face was bright red and he couldn’t stop giggling to himself. Even Jim had to laugh at his selections.

“Alright” Dwight announced, as he looked sideways in disgust at Kevin. “Now, we each reinforce our claimed territories…” he eagerly reached for a troop and placed it in the Eastern United States. Each player followed suit until all of their allocated troops were gone.

“We now must roll to see whose will play first. We then shall proceed afterwards in the preordained clockwise pattern”

“What?” Kevin, who had calmed down somewhat, confusedly asked.

“Its….Kevin, pay attention!” Dwight was now fully exasperated. “Look, we….just grab a die and roll everyone!”

Everyone grabbed the die that was already in front of them and rolled. Andy rolled a 1, Kevin rolled a 4, Jim rolled a 3, and Dwight rolled a 5.

In a move of extreme self-satisfaction, Dwight licked his lips slowly, much to the disgust of Jim, and stared at the board.

“First move. I attack Indonesia from Siam. Grab your dice Jim” he paused for several seconds and leveled a serious look at him, “It’s go time.”

Jim rolled his eyes.

 

 

 

 

12:30 came and went, and the workers of Dunder-Mifflin began to slowly file out of the break room. Jim watched them trudge one-by-one back to their desks to run out the clock for the rest of the day. He wasn’t sure if any of their feet actually left the ground as they left. As he watched Phyllis go, she turned to him.

“Good luck Jim, I hope you win.” She winked and smiled at him.

“Thanks Phyllis.” Jim answered back to her, matching her smile with his own. “It may be a while, so…if you get bored you can come hang out with me. I won’t even make you sit next to Dwight.”

Phyllis laughed, “well Jim, I might just do that.” She paused for a second, “but, I’ve got a few calls to make for now at least.”

“Alright, good luck. Though you should know…. now I’m expecting you to give the top salesperson speech at the convention next year.” Phyllis laughed again and left the break room.

As he watched her go, Jim suddenly became aware of a set of eyes upon him.

“What Dwight?”

“Jim, do not joke about the Top Salesman Award. It is prestigious, like a Nobel Prize….or a Dundie. Also, I am winning it again this year. Like Michael, I too will repeat as the top salesman in this company.” Dwight finally blinked, and set his attention back to the game.

“You gave the speech at the convention last year?” Andy asked in what Jim guessed was mock surprise. “You know…I heard that they had a computer glitch in the Big Apple with the sales figures, and Stamford’s numbers got erased. So they decided to just go on the last month’s numbers for that award.” Andy paused again and looked up to the ceiling in what Jim guessed was mock thinking. “Probably explains why the ‘top salesman’ in the company is number 4 in his own branch.”

Dwight adjusted his glasses and took in a large breath. Jim hoped that along with cholesterol, the Schrute mind was powerful enough to lower a heart rate….like, below 200 beats per minute.

“Andy, we have been through this several times and yet your insubordination continues. I am the number 3 man in this branch. I’ve been here longer, have more experience, and know Michael better than you.” Dwight stared across the table at Andy, who stared back with a small smile on his face, clearly delighting in the reaction his comment had provoked.

Jim looked between the two men and sighed. He knew he had to intervene or the conversation would drag on forever.

“You know what guys? Let’s just forget about that stuff for right now ok?” At Jim’s request both Andy and Dwight dropped their eyes from each other and back to their troops and Conquer Cards.

“Alright….” Jim looked around the table and then at the board. “Whose turn is it anyway?”

“Mine,” Kevin answered. He took the three troops that he had earned and placed them in Scandinavia. He stared at the board for a long time and then finally spoke again, “I’m going to attack Peru….from Brazil.”

Dwight scoffed and picked up the white dice. He rolled two 5s. Kevin rolled his three red dice, to a 4, a 1, and a 3.

“Shoot.” Kevin said quietly as he removed two troops from Brazil. None of the numbers on his attacking dice had exceeded the numbers on either of the two dice in Dwight’s defense roll.

“It’s no surprise Kevin.” Dwight said sternly, as though he was lecturing a child. “Attacking Peru with 4 troops when I had 3 stationed there? Foolish and illogical. You were statistically doomed from the start.”

Jim’s attention turned away from Dwight’s reprimand of Kevin. He noticed that not everyone had left the break room to go back to work. Two tables away in the corner, one person had stayed behind. Her head was down, and her eyes were on her lap. Jim’s eyebrows rose in surprise and concern. She was usually….not still and quiet. He decided he should say something to try and shake her from whatever was bothering her.

“Hey Kelly….uh, how’s work going today?” He gave her a tight smile, one of encouragement, one that masked the worry that he had just provoked an avalanche of conversation upon himself.

She looked up at him with eyes that were dark, and an expression on her face that seemed pained. “Oh…its fine. You know, its Friday, before a long weekend, so I’m not like getting any calls at all. I just put it on voicemail, whatever.” She waved her hand dismissively in the air and her eyes went back down to her lap.

Jim was perplexed at her reaction to his question. He had to admit that it was impossible to top Dwight’s intensity as a salesman, but he knew how good Kelly was at her job. In fact, while he was at Stamford he had been on a conference call with Corporate about a company-wide personnel performance review when Jan had mentioned that Kelly had the highest customer satisfaction rate at her position in the entire company. Not to mention that he had never heard her complain about her job, an office record only matched by Dwight.

“Cool, yeah that’s why we’re playing RISK….but, um….so what are you doing with the long weekend? Something exciting?” Jim figured if he could get her on shopping, one way or another, she would light up like a Christmas tree.

“Yeah…well, yeah. I mean, it is exciting, but it also totally sucks…’cause, well, there is like this amazing spa in Harrisburg, right? So I told Ryan that I wanted to go, ‘cause its been for-ever since I’ve been to one, like years. So, because he’s awesome, what does he do? He gets me this super-nice weekend package thingy at the spa. You get to stay in a hotel and everything. So I’m psyched, ‘cause Ryan and I at a spa all weekend? Sooo romantic, right?” Jim’s eyes began to hurt slightly from squinting in concentration, and his neck was tight from all the bobbing it was doing. “….So I tell Ryan that, and what does he say? He’s all like, ‘oh…Kelly, I just got it for you, I’m going to watch the playoffs this weekend’. The playoffs Jim! The playoffs!” Kelly’s hands were gesturing wildly in front of her and her voice threatened to break.

“So now what am I going to do? I mean I should be a good girlfriend right? and stay at home with Ryan? Its not his fault that he didn’t know I wanted to go to the spa with him…but this spa is totally amazing….but I’d be all alone, and thinking about him, and he might choke on a chip or something! He could die, all alone, and where would I be? I’d be in the middle of a mani-pedi! How would I live with myself? I mean I totally wouldn’t, obviously.” Kelly took a breath and paused, looking at Jim.

Jim rubbed his right temple with his index finger and thought how exactly to respond to that. To be honest, he wanted to tell Kelly what Ryan was really doing to her, but he also knew that it wasn’t his place to do that. She was happy. and he had destroyed enough relationships already. He compromised with himself and replied,

“Wow Kelly, that’s a pretty big problem….You know though, I think you should go to the spa. I mean, Ryan wants you to go, so go. Have a good time, relax, and if you get worried just call him….like, a lot. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Jim smiled in satisfaction at his advice. He knew he was being a little cruel to Ryan, but he didn’t care, he hadn’t forgotten about him taking his old desk. Plus, he deserved it for treating Kelly like that.

“Yeah….you’re so smart Jim! You’re like Oprah!” Her smile had returned now, and she continued in a tone of voice that Jim was used to, “What are you doing this weekend? Oh! You should take Karen to New York City! She’s like super classy, she would love that.” Jim was about to respond that he didn’t like New York City and didn’t want to go there, but he was interrupted.

“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do….” Andy had turned around in his chair to face Kelly. “…rock my own socks off! Yeah, I got Guitar Hero 2 yesterday. It is awesome! I sing along to the songs too.” Andy smiled at Kelly, who looked a little disgustedly back at him.

“Waste of money Andy. Buy a real guitar, that is a purchase worthy of a real man.” Dwight dismissively said. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

Before Andy could reply, Jim spoke. “So what are you doing Dwight?”

“Something constructive. After work I am driving to the Best Buy in Dickson City and purchasing a DVD copy of The Last Temptation of Christ and watching it with my girlfriend tomorrow. She enjoys religiously themed films, and neither of us have seen it. On Sunday, I plan to snowshoe the parameter of my beet farm with my Cousin Mose. Monday….” Dwight uncrossed his arms, and rubbed his chin with his right hand, “…re-watch The Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King….Extended Edition, of course, and….re-read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.” He frowned, “ I haven’t completely decided on a schedule yet.”

Jim’s eyes widened, and he looked over at Kevin. “How about you Kev?”

Kevin looked momentarily panicked, like he had been caught doing something wrong. After a few seconds he recovered, and looked sideways in thought. “Hmmmmmm….Saturday night is date night, so I’ll probably take Stacey out someplace really nice.”

“Cool….so where you going to take her?”

“Mmmmmm…Applebee’s probably.”

“Sweet” Jim replied. He tried not to laugh at Kevin and his choice of a “really nice” restaurant. Actually, if he was being completely honest with himself, he envied him a little. He didn’t know what he was going to do with the weekend, but it probably involved shopping and a hundred dollar meal someplace. He had had enough French wine and food that he had to point to on the menu like a child because he couldn’t pronounce its name, for a very long time. Some ribs or a hamburger would be nice for a change. But…he was pretty sure Karen wouldn’t be caught dead in an Applebee’s, or if she did go, she wouldn’t have a good time. Oh well he thought, its not like there was anything wrong with having standards, was there?

“Yeah…I haven’t decided what I’m going to do this weekend either. Uh….maybe go to Home Depot, you know, look at some flooring….stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath & Beyond….I don’t know, I don’t know if I’ll have enough time.” Jim laughed and smiled. The room was quiet. Andy, Kevin, Dwight, and Kelly were all staring at him.

“Uh…it’s from a movie, um…it…it doesn’t matter.” Jim grimaced. Oh God, was he turning into Michael? Did small amounts of power force you to quote several year old movies and then have nobody laugh? He shook his head in an attempt to lose the thought.

“That’s cool Jim. I go to Bed, Bath & Beyond sometimes when they have a sale.” Kelly stood up from her seat and walked towards the door. “Well…I’m going to go back to work and tell Ryan I’m going to the spa. Later!” She threw her trash away in the wastebasket and left the room.

“Well, if you’re done flirting with the entire female population of the office, can we get back to playing, Jim?” Dwight gripped the side of the table with his hands and cocked his head at Jim. “As a wise man once said, ‘war may not be avoided but is deferred to the advantage of others’.”

“Dwight, please tell me that person wasn’t Hitler.” Jim smirked at Dwight, crossed his legs under the table and leaned back in his chair.

“What? Jim, stop bringing up Nazis! No, that wise man was Machiavelli. I keep a copy of The Prince in my desk drawer at all times.” Jim filed away that bit of information for a potential prank. Not that he had been doing too many anyway, just the CIA one at Christmas that Pam had thought up. That was amazing. The planning and the patience involved…it must have taken months. The thought stopped him cold.

It must have taken months.

Hadn’t she said as much when she handed him the folder? But…she couldn’t have known about the merger until November, which meant that she had been planning it while he was still in Stamford, with no real possibility of him coming back to Scranton to work. Right? His mind reeled over the thought, how had he not seen this before?

He suddenly froze when he realized the one fact that he had been ignoring until now, the one that suddenly made his face feel hot and his palms sweaty.

She couldn’t have known about Karen either.

If he hadn’t transferred back, would Pam have sent him a Christmas gift, believing that he was single? What did it mean if she would have? If she wanted to? Jim stopped himself. No, he couldn’t go there again. Friends give friends presents for Christmas, there was nothing special about that. He wasn’t going to misinterpret things again. But still…

“Big Tuna, you’re up.” Kevin, Andy, and Dwight were all looking at him expectantly.

“Yeah, sorry guys…alright, let’s see…” The spark of hope that the memory of the CIA prank had created within him suddenly made him feel lighter than he had been in a long time, he didn’t feel so tired anymore.

Jim rubbed the right side of his face and gazed over the game board. They had only made it through a couple of turns, but things had already changed a little in the game. Dwight’s “sphere of power,” as he had dubbed it, reached from the Western United States to Argentina. He was close to taking over both North America and South America. Andy stood in his way by holding on to Greenland, and he also held most of Europe as well, except for Scandinavia and Great Britain. The former of which was Kevin’s, and it was quickly becoming one of the few territories that he controlled. Dwight was about to kick him out of Brazil, and Andy had already taken Eastern Europe from him. As for himself, he had almost complete control of Africa, with only Egypt left outstanding, because it belonged to Andy. Australia was the same, with only Indonesia not under his control. Dwight had conquered it on the first turn. Jim decided to change that.

“I attack Indonesia from Western Australia.” Jim reached for the red attack dice.

“You should attack Egypt first Jim. Control of Africa garners three bonus troops at the beginning of each turn, Australia only two. Moving against Indonesia is the wrong move.” Dwight rattled off, almost reflexively. Jim turned to look at him, only to have Dwight’s eyes dart away. That was interesting, Jim thought.

“That’s probably true Dwight, but Andy bought me a 3 Musketeers bar the other day sooo….Oh, and also….uh, Andy have you ever complained to Toby about hitting yourself in the head with the phone and blamed it on me?”

Andy looked confusedly at Jim, then at Dwight, then back at Jim. “No, BT, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Dammit Jim. You know that you put nickels in my headset!” Dwight pointed his finger angrily at him and widened his eyes.

“Do I know that Dwight?.....Do I?” Jim asked innocently. “Seriously though, I’m attacking Indonesia. Grab you dice.”

Dwight quickly grabbed the two white defense dice and rolled a 3 and a 2. Jim smiled and casually threw the three red attack dice. He rolled a 6, 4, and 3. Dwight silently removed two soldiers from Indonesia, leaving him with only one left.

“Again, Dwight.”

Dwight rolled his one die, which came up a 5, and looked up at Jim, his mouth a straight line and his eyes fixed. In a wild gesture, Jim exaggeratedly picked up the three dice, blew on them, and then did his best Chevy Chase.

“Na-na-na-na-na-na….na-na-na-na…be the dice, be the dice” he paused and looked over at Dwight, whom he thought might be close to foaming at the mouth. He rolled. The dice skipped, hopped and landed a 6, a 4, and a 3. He smiled, tucked his right bit of cheek between his molars and continued the movie quotes, “Cinderella story! Outta nowhere! Ohhh!” He threw up his hands and let them find their way to the back of his head. “Well, my Australian campaign is complete, your turn Andy.” Dwight removed his last soldier from Indonesia and moved three of Jim’s soldiers to the territory for him. His hand shook slightly.

Andy placed his bonus soldiers on the board, as Kevin tried to fight back a new round of giggles created by Jim’s impressions.

“I love that movie Jim. Especially the end, with all the explosions, and then the gopher dances to the music…” Kevin began to wiggle in his chair a little bit to the imaginary Kenny Loggins soundtrack in his head. Jim had to admit, Kevin was a pretty good gopher.

“Uh….what are you guys doing?” Jim recognized the voice but looked anyway. Karen was standing at the door with her arms crossed.

Dwight turned around in his seat a little and looked at her. “We’re playing RISK Karen, it’s a game of global domination. I’m going to crush your boyfriend in it, and we’ve already started so you can’t join in. It’s a man’s game anyway.” Dwight turned back around and Jim felt his blood run cold.

“Nope, not…Dwight….what?...” Jim stopped. Karen’s expression turned seven shades darker in response to Dwight’s chauvinism. He saw her exhale a small breath before she turned her eyes on him.

“Ok, cool. Um, Jim can I see you in the Conference Room for just a sec. I’d like you to look over some numbers.” With that she turned and walked off.

“Dude, quickie.” Kevin snickered quietly.

“No Kev…I…alright that’s a good idea anyway. Why don’t we all take a break, stretch our legs, go to the bathroom, or whatever.” Jim pushed his chair back with his legs and got up. He absent-mindedly rubbed the small of his back and rolled his shoulders. Without waiting for a response, he walked out of the break room.

------

As he walked back into the office he saw that Pam still wasn’t back at Reception. He looked at his watch. It was almost 1. Phyllis, Ryan, Stanley, and Angela were all at their desks, in various stages of boredom. Creed was nowhere to be found. Karen’s desk was empty, of course, and as he looked over at the Conference Room, he saw that the blinds were closed. He sighed and pushed open the door and without looking into the room, closed it behind him.

Karen leaned lightly against the table, with her arms behind her, and her flat palms on the table supporting her weight. Her face was unreadable. It didn’t seem happy or sad, or really anything at all. She still hadn’t said anything either, despite the fact that he had been in the room for over five seconds. Jim decided to break the ice.

“Hey. So, how did the errands go?”

“Fine.”

Jim looked down at the carpet, and nodded his head. “That’s…good.” He wasn’t exactly sure what to do here. Karen’s silence was freaking him out a little. She usually loved to talk about everything. Feelings, work, toasters, feelings, it didn’t matter at all, as long as it continued the conversation.

He suddenly felt tired again, like he had run to the Conference Room instead of having slowly walked there. He figured he might as well get to it.

“Uh, Karen….did I do something wrong? Or…” Jim stammered slightly, as he tried to form the right sentence.

“Look Jim, I…” she faltered slightly, “I don’t want to make this a big deal or anything, ok?”

Warning bells started to ring in Jim’s head. Large red letters that spelled out various expletives flashed before his eyes. He curled his toes. “…Ok, Karen. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong. I mean…look, we’ve been doing really well lately. I feel like we’ve become a real couple, like close…” she looked up into Jim’s eyes and gave him a small smile. “…so I don’t want to mess with that, but…”

Jim’s chest began to physically ache with how hard his heart was pounding. This had to be about Pam, somebody had mentioned something. He immediately thought about containment. Nobody knew about what had happened before he left for Stamford except for Pam, of course, and he knew she wouldn’t talk about it. He could deny whatever it was. He would deny whatever it was. He’d denied enough things in his life that he knew how to do it without blinking.

“Jim. You know how big an ass I think Dwight is…and Andy is…and you know how…well, great…” she said the last word as though it were a question, “I think your pranks are and stuff.” Jim’s relief was so powerful that he sighed audibly. Karen didn’t notice and continued, “but…Jim you’re the Assistant Regional Manager, and you know that to Corporate you’re pretty much The Regional Manager of this branch.” Jim continued to wait for the hammer to fall. “...so, do you really think you should be playing RISK in the break room…..with them.” She said the last word as though it were physically distasteful to her.

Jim scratched the back of his neck where his hair curled up slightly. “I really don’t think it’s that big a deal. I mean, it’s Friday and nobody is in to pick up the phone anyway.”

“Yeah, but Jim, other people are at their desks, what example do you set by goofing off in the break room?” Karen bit her lip a little, and dropped her eyes to the carpet.

“Wow. Uh, well I really don’t think I’m an example setter Karen. We’ve all worked together for years, so…they pretty much know that I’m the guy who puts people’s stuff in Jello and tries to keep Dwight in line.” Jim crossed his arms and stood up straight. He didn’t like what Karen was implying about him and some of his co-workers.

“That’s who you were Jim. Now, you’re higher up then them. You make more money and have more responsibility. I mean…shouldn’t your professional attitude reflect that?” Karen’s words, especially ones like “responsibility” and “professional”, hit him hard in the stomach like punches, and made him feel slightly nauseous. He wasn’t that guy. He wasn’t going to look down on Phyllis. She was too nice a woman. He wouldn’t do that to Stanley….he was too scared of him.

Jim decided that to argue about this further with Karen made no sense. He’d lose anyway. He always did. He should just play the whole thing off with humor. “I guess Karen…but have you met Michael? Let’s just say that this branch does fine without any strong leadership figures.”

Karen pushed herself up from where she was leaning and crossed her arms, matching Jim’s posture. She wasn’t going to give in. “So…if it’s doing fine, then why was it almost downsized?” Her eyes had an intensity that was too much for Jim, and right now they were fixed on him. Still, he wasn’t going to be drawn into another prolonged argument, they had had enough of those already.

“Well, obviously that was because I left. I mean, how could they even think about staying open without me?” He smiled. She didn’t.

“Why do you have to make everything a joke? I’m trying to be adult, be your girlfriend, and you’re minimizing my feelings like they’re unimportant.” Jim raised an eyebrow at Karen’s words. Obviously she had either been in therapy at some point or she read a lot of relationship books. Either way, Jim felt like he was trapped and probably outgunned.

“Minimize?….look, Karen. It’s just RISK, on a Friday before a long weekend. It doesn’t mean anything at all. Nobody else is worried about it…at all.”

“It means something to me…or is that not enough?”

Jim felt the walls closing in. His breaths came more rapidly as he looked at Karen. She was now visibly upset, her jaw was set and her right hand shook a little. He knew that he should give up, give into her, tell her that he was wrong and that she was right. It would make things so much easier. He opened his mouth to tell her that, but that wasn’t what came out.

“So everything is about you? What I want means nothing at all? I became an Assistant Regional Manager just fine by doing things like playing RISK in the break room. I’m outselling everybody in this branch right now. I think that sets the example.” Jim was surprised at his own words, at the tone in which he had said them. That wasn’t him either. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this angry…well that was a lie, he could. At least this time he wouldn’t cry. He took a breath and continued,

“This,” he un-tucked his hands from his sides and moved his hands back and forth between them. “is supposed to be a compromise, give and take. Have I asked you to change one thing about yourself? I haven’t have I? Not one thing. You’ve taken care of that. Every other day it’s something new about me that’s wrong, that can be tweaked…or improved…or whatever.” Under normal circumstances Jim would have been smart enough to not say what he was thinking, but he was on a roll. “Do you even like me? Or do you just see something I could become and like that?”

By this time, Karen’s glare had become positively murderous. She stepped towards Jim, so that they were only a foot or two apart. “You’re the hero, aren’t you Jim? It’s all my fault, isn’t it? I’m the bitch, the one who doesn’t let you have any fun, right?” Jim rolled his eyes, he couldn’t believe she was playing that card right now.

“No, I’m pretty sure you’re actually just playing the victim. Like usual. You’re not going to make me feel bad about you calling yourself a bitch.” Jim’s teeth, jaw, and head had begun to hurt from him mashing his teeth together so hard.

“God you’re an asshole. You know that right? All I wanted...was to just ask you to be an adult, a professional, a man. You can’t even do that! You’d rather screw around with those three, than care about us, about this relationship. What the hell? What is wrong with you? You’re choosing RISK over me? Really?” She walked past him towards the door and reached for handle. “Don’t call me this weekend…at all. We’ll talk on Monday.”

Her condescending tone pushed Jim over the top. He wheeled around to her as her hand began to turn the handle. “Yeah, it’s not like I’m really missing anything is it? All we would have done is whatever you wanted to, like we always do.” Karen didn’t say anything. She just opened the door, walked past her desk, and into the Women’s Bathroom.

Jim took a deep breath and tried to drain the adrenaline and heat out of his body. His legs were shaking slightly, so he pulled a chair from the table and sat down in it. What had he done? It was just RISK…it…it didn’t even matter. However, he knew that the fight wasn’t about a board game. It was about the differences between them. He had tried to overlook them, avoid them, surrender whenever necessary to pacify her, whatever it took, but he had failed.

They wanted different things in life. He wanted someone who would support what he wanted as much as he would support whatever it was that they wanted. He wanted someone who loved him just as much as he loved her. He wanted….

“Tuna! What are you doing? C’mon man, Dwight is attacking North Africa…and he said something about a….coat de wah?” Andy stood in the doorway, oblivious to the ten minutes of hell that Jim had just gone through.

Still, Jim smiled as he looked at Andy and rubbed his right cheek that was still hot from the fight. “Uh…do you mean Cote d’Ivoire?”

“Maybe.”

“Alright, I’m coming.”

 

 

 

 

Pam tucked her sketchbook a little tighter under her arm and waited for the elevator doors to open. Her hands were still a shade of bluish-purple from the cold, and her hair was an explosion of chaos from the wind in the parking lot. All and all, she looked like she normally did after lunch, at least lately.

That was because lately she had been leaving the office to take her lunch. She had tried to ignore it, not run away from her problem, but she couldn’t be around them when they were a couple. The way that they sat at the same table and smiled at each other. The way they shared Jim’s carrot sticks and laughed. She realized how petty her feelings made her, how ridiculously high-schoolish the drama of the entire situation was, but that didn’t lessen how much it hurt her. Because it wasn’t high school, it was her adult life, her present and her future.

She had called off her wedding because of Jim. Not so that she could run into his arms, to immediately surrender herself to him, and declare her undying love. No, it wasn’t like that. It was because he had shown her that a different life than the one she was living could exist for her. She could pursue her passions, she could, for the first time in her life, be independent, and she could have someone in her life that supported her. The problem was she had done the first two and now wanted the third.

The art classes she took produced works that she showed to no one. Her new apartment was always silent, save for the television that she sat glassy-eyed in front of every night. It made her feel weak to want someone to share her life with so badly, to not be able to simply focus on herself, and not have the ambition like so many other people seemed to have. However, the more she thought about it, the more she realized it wasn’t about sharing her life with anyone, or someone, it was about sharing it with him. His confidence in her became her strength, his smile became her laugh, and ultimately, his love for her had become her love for him. Her connection with Jim had opened her eyes to a world deeper and richer then her own had been, and now he was giving that world to someone else.

It felt like a hot pain was pumped through her veins every time she looked at them, only to be replaced the next minute with a heavy feeling of exhaustion. No matter how much she tried, the pain persisted, so she just avoided it. Anyway, she didn’t need more memories to turn over at night while she stared at the ceiling.

Instead, during the break she usually drove her car to somewhere in Scranton and drew whatever it was she saw. Houses, trees, people, or landscapes, it didn’t matter to her. She’d just park, sit in her cold car and draw. Of course, today was a little different. It was Friday, and more than that, it was the Friday before a long weekend. To say things were lax at the office was an understatement. Plus, it had been a hard week, not that every one lately wasn’t, but Karen had been especially affectionate with Jim since she had moved out of the Days Inn….on her suggestion.

For that reason, Pam had decided she needed a present. A reward for surviving the week and not going completely crazy. Kelly would have bought a new dress probably, but she had bought a double cheeseburger, fry, and milkshake and devoured it in the McDonald’s parking lot in less than seven minutes. Where was she going to wear a dress to anyway? After that she had just let herself draw until her hands were too cold to move the pencil anymore.

When she had turned the car and heat back on, she was shocked to discover that it was 1:10. She had gone over her usual lunch break by forty minutes. Michael wouldn’t care, but she knew that Dwight would be pissed. It wasn’t like she could count on Jim to run interference, thought she really hoped that he would.

With a soft ding the elevator doors opened. Pam, with her eyes on the carpet, walked out the doors and directly into Steve the camera guy.

“Oh! I’m so sorry Steve, I-I- wasn’t paying attention.” Pam held her hand out in front of her and stammered apologetically.

Steve chuckled a little. “No problem Pam.” He gave her a small smile, “you, uh, just getting back?”

Pam looked up nervously. “Yeah, you know…Friday, long weekend….dollar menu at McDonalds.”

“Yeah, I hear ya. We’re leaving for the day. The office is completely dead, so we’re starting the weekend early. Though if anyone asks, we were here ‘till 5, cool?”

“Yeah, totally.” Pam smiled and watched as Steve and the rest of the crew got into the elevator. She sighed and walked down the hall, past Vance Refrigeration, to Dunder-Mifflin. The image of the hallway made her mind briefly flit to that Tom Hanks prison movie that she could never remember the name of.

-----

She didn’t look over at the office as she hung her coat up on the rack and put her sketchbook on her desk. She reasoned that if she didn’t make much sound, or make eye-contact with Dwight he wouldn’t come over and give her a hard time for…Pam blew out a breath as she looked at what the clock on her computer read… she was over an hour late. She quietly checked her email, which was empty, and the company email, which was also empty. Only three and a half hours more to go….

Suddenly, she heard a loud noise, a yell she thought, come from somewhere back in the office, her eyes raised over the desk.

What she saw surprised her. Dwight was gone, Jim was gone…she craned her neck over towards Accounting….Kevin and Andy were gone too. She looked over at the Conference Room, but the blinds were closed. Still, she could tell that the lights were off, so they weren’t in there. Her mind immediately went to the idea of a sales call. But, a sales call on a Friday afternoon? Nobody would be in, and why would all three go? and where was Kevin? As the questions whizzed through her mind, she looked over at the other cluster of sales desks and her surprise and confusion deepened.

Phyllis was on the phone, and Stanley was doing a crosswords puzzle, but Karen was definitely not working. Her elbow was resting on the table, and her flat palm was cradling her forehead. She couldn’t really make out what her face was doing exactly, but she looked upset. Pam’s brow scrunched in thought. What the hell had happened while she was gone? She knew that if they weren’t in the Conference Room, then they weren’t in the office. Dwight would be at his desk.

Even though it was against her better judgment, Pam decided to ask Michael what was going on. She got up from her chair and walked to his office door, knocked twice, and walked in.

As soon as she entered Michael’s office, she regretted it. His head was down on the desk, and a halo of Snickers wrappers were spread around him. It was another early afternoon Michael Scott sugar crash. Pam frowned and wondered who let him buy and eat so many Snickers bars.

“Michael?” Pam said in a voice loud enough to make herself feel uncomfortable.

Michael’s head shot up off the desk, a lone Snickers wrapper still stuck to his right cheek, and blinked rapidly several times. Finally, recognition of the situation sunk in. “Pam? Ugh, what time is it?”

“Um…like, 1:30.”

“Oh, good.” He looked around at the Snickers massacre on his desk and his face light up. “Oh! Pam I can tell you now! So, this morning I went to buy a Snickers bar, because I didn’t get much sleep last night and needed the energy…” at this point he stopped and winked at Pam, a motion that somehow involved his entire head moving. “So, I put in my dollar, and reached down to get it, and what do you think happens? Guess!”

Pam tugged at the right sleeve of her cardigan, and noticed that there was a grease stain on it from lunch. “Um, I don’t really know Michael, what happened?”

“I’ll tell you! I heard money! I got the candy bar, and all my money back in change. It was awesome! You have to do it with bills though..” the joy momentarily left his face, only to be revived a second later, “… but still, having 12 bucks in quarters is worth a dozen free Snickers bars.”

“Wow, that’s really cool.” Pam tried to force a smile and some enthusiasm to reflect Michael’s.

“Yeah, it’s been a great day. Sorry I had to hide it before, but if Kevin or you know…” he waved his hand spasmodically in front of his face, “…Boris Gargamel found out they would have taken them all.” Michael smiled widely.

“Right…ok, um, well I came in here to ask where everyone is?” Pam eyed Michael questioningly.

“Are people missing?!” A look of concern instantly engrained itself on every feature of Michael’s face.

Pam realized that Michael had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. He had probably been asleep since she left anyway. She took one step back towards the door and continued, “no Michael, I didn’t mean that…I meant where, um, Dwight is, because I’ve got a message for him…”. Pam turned to look out Michael’s office window at the empty desks, “oh! There he is, must have been in the bathroom, ok then, I’m gonna go….yeah.” Pam turned quickly towards the door and was almost out when she heard Michael.

“Whoa, Bees Lees, you feelin’ alright? Oh Pam…are you….” Michael’s eyes had suddenly gotten big and his voice soft. “…look I totally understand.”

Pam froze and looked at him in a state of mingled fear and confusion. “Wha…I, I’m fine Michael, really. Um, but I better get back to the phones and, you know, my job.”

Michael smiled softly at her. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

Pam squinted and her eyes swept side-to-side in an attempt to coax her mind to decode Michael. “Ummm no?…but thanks.” She slowly backed towards the door and turned around quickly to open it. She thought she heard Michael say something else, but it was drowned out by the sound of the door closing.

Pam hugged her arms around herself and bit the right side of her bottom lip as she stared at Dwight and Jim’s empty desks.

She nervously glanced sideways over at the second cluster of sales desks, though more specifically at Karen. A flood of emotions ran though her as she took in her profile, which remained wilted. Nervousness, anger, jealousy, weariness, and resignation all shot through her mind and body in a split second. Still, with no choice, she took two steps towards the desks, taking in a breath at each pace.

“Hey guys. I’ve got a message for…” she quickly looked at Karen again, who was now looking up at her with a weary expression. “um, Dwight, and I can’t find him. Do any of you know where he is? Did they go out on a sales call?”

Stanley looked up at her and then back down to his crosswords, Phyllis opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by an unusually loud Karen.

“You want to know where Dwight is Pam? He’s with Jim and Andy and Kevin in the break room. They’re…” her bravado was cut off by an acidic chuckle. Without moving her head, Pam turned her eyes to Phyllis for help.

“Dwight is in the break room, Pam. I’m sure you can give him his message there.” Phyllis smiled warmly at her.

“Ok, thanks.” Between Michael and Karen’s behavior, and the fact that Dwight was in the break room during work time, Pam’s confusion had reached new levels. She walked towards the back of the office, and then stopped herself. What was she doing? She knew where they were, where Jim was, and she didn’t need to walk in there like an idiot with a pretend message for Dwight. She stopped to turn around when she heard what was definitely a yell or scream from the break room.

That was it. The strangeness of the situation was just too much. She had to know what was going on. With tentative steps she approached the break room door. She could hear voices inside, but couldn’t make out anything distinct. She lowered her head down and pushed the door open. The scene didn’t disappoint.

Kevin was leaning up against the counter, contently mauling a Milky Way bar. He was taking in the chaos that had erupted. Andy, Dwight, and Jim were all around a table that had a RISK board on it.

At the moment she had entered, Dwight had slammed his fists on the table. She thought she heard him mutter something like “impossible,” but she couldn’t be sure. Either way, his balled fists now framed his temples and his back was hunched over the table. He was muttering something towards the table, but she couldn’t make it out.

At the same time as Dwight had hit the table, Andy had sprung up in his chair, hands raised above his head triumphantly. She had heard him shout,

“GREENLAND FOREVER!”

Not that that made any sense, but she was pretty sure he had said it. Then he was back in his seat plucking at an imaginary banjo, and humming what she thought might be the beginning of “The Devil Went Down To Georgia.” Which further confused her and made no sense. Still, he was smiling as widely as she had ever seen him, and he bounced around in his seat like he couldn’t contain herself.

Finally, her eyes rested on Jim who, like the rest of them, hadn’t noticed that she had come in the room. His expression and actions surprised her the most out of anyone. He was…happy? excited, maybe? His face and his eyes sent her memory back to the Office Olympics that they had engineered together over a year ago now. Even though it wasn’t for her, his wide smile and laughter instantly brought a curious smirk to her face. She opened her mouth to speak, despite not knowing what to say,

"Um…”

All four turned to look at her. She felt herself blush under their surprised gaze. However, she forced herself to stare back at them and say something to break the awkwardness. She decided on the thing that had first come to her mind when she had walked in the break room.

“…. So, I guess you guys found my RISK game?”

 

 

 

 

As Jim walked past Karen’s empty desk on his way back to the break room, he cast a sideways glance at Phyllis, and tried to gauge whether or not she had heard the fight. It was difficult to tell, but he thought he saw her smile sympathetically as she returned his gaze. Either way, he knew that she had definitely seen Karen storm out of the Conference Room and towards the bathroom. The entire office must have.

He scratched the back of his neck and attempted to look around the office nonchalantly. Faces fell like dominoes under his gaze, only to pop back up again when they thought he wasn’t looking. They must have all heard and seen everything.

He sighed deeply. Well, at least the cameras were still in the break room.

“Tuna! C’mon man, you gotta protect Africa! Cradle of civilization, right?” Andy smiled and gestured towards the break room.

“Um, I’m not sure if that’s….” Jim’s voiced trailed off as he squinted his left eye, and curled the left corner of his mouth in thought at Andy’s words.

Nevertheless, he followed him back towards the break room. He was eager to get back to the game. To something that would distract him from his fight with Karen, and wondering where Pam was.

-----------

He hadn’t stepped two paces in the break room when Dwight spoke.

“Jim, you said a five minute break. You have been gone twice that length of time. Do not make promises that you cannot keep, it is the mark of a weak man, and a weak leader.” Dwight crossed his arms matter-of-factly and stared at Jim.

Jim sat back down, placed his hands on his knees, and drew in a breath of air in mock contemplation. “Fair enough Dwight…..in that case though, you should know that I cannot promise you that one of your bobbleheads isn’t encased in Jello and sitting on the top of your car.” Jim smiled over at Dwight, whose eyes had suddenly become very large.

“I! If you…” he paused for a second, his eyes searching as he stared at Jim. “No, Jim. I see what you’re doing.” Dwight smiled smugly. “You cannot distract me from my African Campaign with your lies.”

“Right…..” Jim drew out the word as he leaned back in his chair. “No, I mean…I just hope that it doesn’t freeze, could be messy, could interfere with the campaign.” Jim raised his eyebrows and emphasized the last word as dramatically as he possibly could.

Before Dwight could respond, Jim heard Steve shift the camera off his shoulder. He looked up at him.

“You heading out?”

Steve took the camera and held it at his side. “Yeah. This is a thrilling game of RISK, but I think we’re going to head over to Poor Richard’s. If anyone asks…” he looked over at Dwight, who was staring at him accusingly, “…uh, just…you know Jim.”

Jim understood. He knew they were supposed to be there until 5. “Yeah, I got you Steve.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you guys on, uh, Tuesday. Have a good weekend.” With that Steve smiled and walked out of the room to the echo of his last words from everyone at the table.

Jim felt himself relax a little as he watched the cameras leave. It wasn’t that he was particularly tense when they were around, after a couple years it had become almost normal, but he still felt freer when they weren’t around. His every move, and every look wouldn’t be captured. He could say something inappropriate to make somebody laugh, and not have to look around to see if a camera was watching him first. Plus, if they were leaving now, they probably hadn’t done any more individual interviews. By Tuesday, his fight with Karen wouldn’t be remembered by anyone.

While Jim thought, Dwight instantly refocused.

“Pick up the dice, Jim.” In one blunt motion, Dwight grabbed the attack dice and spoke again. “I’ve already taken Brazil from Kevin. Now, I will attack North Africa from Brazil.”

Jim grabbed the two defense dice, and surveyed the situation. He had 5 troops stationed in North Africa, and Dwight was attacking with 10 troops. He needed some good rolls or he was screwed.

Five rolls later Jim was officially screwed. Dwight moved five troops into the territory and smiled widely at Jim as he did so.

“This is only the beginning Jim. Soon I will have all of Africa, and my empire will extend from Alaska to Madagascar.” Dwight finished his turn and took his conquer card.

Jim was unfazed. “Oh right, I forgot to ask you, what imperial power are you again?”

Dwight was momentarily confused at the question. “Wh…What Jim?”

“I mean, you told me before that you always pick an imperial power when you play RISK, so which one are you?”

Before Dwight could respond, Kevin spoke. “Whaaat are the choices?…Can I be, like the Amazons?” A slow smile crept across his face.

Dwight turned and stared at him. “Kevin are you an imbecile? I do not understand how…" his voice cut off, only to start again a second later, “….the other members of Accounting deal with you everyday.” Dwight turned back to address the entire table. “There are four powers that I usually choose. The Romans, the Mongolians, the British, and the Germans.”

As the last syllable left Dwight’s mouth, Andy spoke in a terrible accent. “I call the British! Hel-lo, I’ve got to take the lift up to the loo. This game is all sixes and sevens and nines.”

At Andy’s words, Jim sensed an opportunity and decided to seize it. “I call the Romans. Kevin what about you?”

“Stacey says that I can’t eat sauerkraut anymore…” There was a pause at the table as Jim, Andy, and Dwight all attempted to figure out what was coming next. “….so I can’t be the Germans. I guess I’ll take the Mongolians.”

Jim smiled widely, it had worked out perfectly. He turned to Dwight. “Well I guess that makes you the Nazis Dwight.” Andy and Kevin looked surprisingly over at Dwight for his reaction.

“I…” his face and voice faltered. “….whatever Jim. My empire will crush yours. It’s only a matter of time!”

Jim smirked, and then looked over to Dwight. “Yeah….I think technically it’s a Reich….not sure….” He let his voice fade away again. “Anyway, my turn.”

Jim looked at the board and tried to figure out how he was possibly going to win. Dwight now had South America, was close to finishing off North America, and was coming for Africa. He knew that if he lost this game, especially considering he had initiated it, Dwight would never, ever, let him hear the end of it. Still, he could see that he didn’t have a lot of options.

He rubbed the side of his face in frustration, and decided to attack Egypt, which was held by Andy. After several rolls, he conquered it and moved his troops in. He took his conquer card and finished his turn.

“Go for it Andy.”

Without a word, Andy smiled widely and flipped up three similar conquer cards, which entitled him to bonus troops.

After their placement, he leisurely took in the board, and then began.

“Hmm…what new territory should the mighty British army conquer today? Ah!” Andy smiled and moved his hand towards Europe.

“I attack Scandinavia from Northern Europe.” Kevin looked personally offended as he took the defense dice and rolled. He was no match for Andy’s reinforcements however, and in only a few rolls it fell.

Andy looked over at Kevin and smiled. “Don’t worry Kevin, I’ll take care of Sweden. Gentlemen do prefer blondes, you know. Like Angela she’s…”

“Excuse me?” Dwight’s voice was suddenly raised, and his knuckles white as he gripped the side of the table.

Jim looked over at him, then back over at a clearly surprised Andy. He figured Dwight was playing the chivalrous knight for the Dunder-Mifflin female employees.

Andy recovered quickly, and smiled bemusedly back at Dwight. “Oh, you know Angela in Accounting? The one I sit next to? She’s a foxy lady, is all I’m saying. I’d dock my cruise ship in her fjord any time.”

At his words, Dwight stood up, and looked like he was about to launch himself over the table. Jim stood up in response, his arms wide. “Whoa! Ok! Everybody just calm down, there’s no need to bring Angela into anything. She’s, uh, good at her job, and not here to defend herself…I guess. Just relax Dwight, alright?”

Dwight sat back in his chair, still glowering at Andy, and mumbled. “The fjords are predominantly in Norway…”

“That’s…good. Um, good information.” Jim said absent-mindedly, still trying to defuse the situation. Kevin nodded in agreement.

“Your turn, Kevin.” Andy said, still smiling from Dwight’s reaction.

Kevin looked at the board, and the two territories that he now held, Alaska and Japan. Neither had many troops on them.

“Pass.” Kevin mumbled resignedly.

“Really Kevin? Pass? What are you the French in 1940?” Dwight, recovered from Andy’s remark, smirked at his own joke as he stared over at Kevin.

Jim looked over to see Kevin’s face dissolve into confusion. He raised his voice a little to pull Dwight’s attention away. “You’d like that wouldn’t you Dwight?” Jim smiled. He had paid attention in his high school history class.

Dwight ignored his comment and began placing reinforcements, predominantly in North America. When he was done, he looked back over at Kevin, and spoke, his voice low and somber.

“Now, Kevin, is the end for you. It is Ragnarok. I tried to tell Jim that you were an unworthy adversary for me.” Dwight gestured dramatically towards Jim, “but he didn’t listen, and now the end of the Mongolian Empire is here.”

Jim couldn’t help himself, and smiled at Dwight’s theatrics. Up until now he hadn’t believed Michael when he said that Dwight’s speech at the convention last year had been a success, but now? Well, it was at least possible…. especially if he had used the hand motions.

“I attack Alaska from Alberta.” Kevin and Dwight both picked up their respective dice, but it didn’t take long. Dwight conquered it easily, and moved his troops in to occupy it. He now controlled every North American territory except Greenland.

“And…I attack Japan from Mongolia.” Dwight paused thoughtfully. “Ironic isn’t it? That the fall of the Mongolian Empire should come from Mongolia itself?”

Kevin continued to look confused at everything Dwight said, so Jim jumped in. “Dwight…I think you may be taking the whole imperial army thing a little too literally. It just means that you’re a Nazi, that’s all.”

“I am not a Nazi Jim, and don’t try to distract me from Kevin’s absolute annihilation.” Dwight said the last word with particular relish and saliva. Jim sighed.

Kevin only had two soldiers stationed in Japan, to the five Dwight was attacking with from Mongolia.

Kevin picked up the two defense dice and rolled two threes. Dwight picked up his three attack dice and rolled a 5, a 3, and a 1. They each removed a soldier.

“Again.” Dwight grabbed for the dice.

Before Dwight had a chance to roll, Kevin rolled his one defense die, for the one soldier he had left. It came up a 6.

“Dammit.” Dwight removed a soldier, a roll of 6 on a defense die was unbeatable.

“How’s the annihilation going, Dwight?”

Dwight didn’t respond, but picked up his attack dice, only two this time, and gestured for Kevin to roll again. Unfortunately for Kevin, this time he rolled a 2. Dwight smiled and rolled a 3 and a 4. He had conquered Japan, and knocked Kevin out of the game.

“It’s going just fine Jim, thank you very much.” Dwight turned to Kevin. “Give me your conquer cards Kevin, you won’t be needing them.” Kevin passed them over, got up from his seat, and instantly rebounded from the loss.

“Hmmmm…I’m feeling like a Milky Way.” He walked slowly over to the vending machine.

“My turn Dwight?” Jim asked.

“No Jim, I’m not done yet. My North American campaign needs to be concluded. Andy, I attack Greenland from Quebec.”

Jim shrugged and looked down at the board. He knew that there was no stopping Dwight. Andy had only 2 soldiers defending Greenland to the 10 that Dwight was attacking with from Quebec. North America was lost.

Dwight rolled his attack dice, which noisily clattered to a 4, 3, and 2. Andy scoffed audibly, and rolled his defense dice, which came up 5, 5. As Dwight removed two soldiers from Quebec, Jim looked over to see if actual smoke was coming out of his ears. Not yet.

“Again.”

Dwight’s second roll came up 5, 5, 2. He smiled widely at Andy and Jim. He knew that it was a strong roll.

Andy wasn’t smiling anymore as he reached for, and rolled his dice. The two dice rolled over almost the entire board, before one stopped just short of the end of the table, and one flew off. The one left on the table was a 6, Dwight and Jim both pushed back in their chairs to look for the second die. Jim saw that it was a six as well.

“Redo! Dice that go off the table are no longer in play. The second six is invalid.” Dwight spoke almost instantly.

Andy’s response was just as quick. “No no no! It’s in play, I rolled it. It counts. Doesn’t it Jim?”

Jim looked wide-eyed at Andy and Dwight, who were both staring at him. He wondered how he had been put in the middle of this. “Uhh, what does Kevin think?”

Before Kevin’s thoughts could be voiced, Dwight interrupted. “No, Kevin is ineligible, he is out of the game.”

“He’s eligible! Wait, what are you going to say Kevin?” Andy turned in his seat to face him.

Kevin looked completely bewildered as he opened his Milky Way. “I dunno. Um, what does Jim think? ‘Cause I dunno.”

Andy and Dwight turned back to Jim questioningly. “I think…if Andy rolled it, then it counts. You lose two troops Dwight.” Jim braced himself for each man’s reaction.

Andy immediately began air-banjoing what Jim thought was “The Devil Went Down To Georgia” in celebration.

“Andy, should that be the fiddl…” Jim was cut off.

“I should have expected as much from you Jim! You constantly undermine me in front of subordinates. I will be taking this to Toby at the end of the day and I will make sure it gets to Jan!” Dwight face was now a mixture of redness and bulging veins. “Again Andy.”

Dwight rolled for the third time, now down to six troops. This time his dice came up 6, 5, 1. He smiled and looked up at Andy, “I’ve got you now.”

Andy looked nervously at the defense dice before he picked them up. He shook them several times, blew into them, and then rolled.

Jim couldn’t believe it. They came up sixes again.

“NO WAY! Wha-What?” Dwight sprung up from his chair, his hands on the top of his head. He looked menacingly over at Jim. “This is some kind of prank isn’t it?”

Jim covered his laughter with his hand and looked over at him. “Dwight, how could I possibly? I mean….”

Before he could continue, Dwight had sat back down. “Again Andy.”

Dwight was now down to 4 soldiers. His fourth roll garnered two 4s, and a 1.

Andy confidently rolled his defense dice. This time, they came up 5, 2. Each man removed a soldier from their respective territories. Andy only had one soldier left to Dwight’s 3.

Dwight took in a large breath of air through his nose and focused on Andy. “Again.”

Jim looked over to see that Andy was now visibly excited. He was bouncing around in his chair like a toddler, or like Michael after eating six packets of Fun Dip, like he had last Tuesday. Without another word, each man rolled, and Jim leaned forward to watch.

Dwight’s two attack dice skipped and stopped on dual 4s. Jim saw Dwight’s face suddenly melt in horror, and he turned to look at Andy. His one defense die was a 5. Andy had beaten Dwight again.

“God! What? I! Unbelievable!” Dwight couldn’t form a coherent sentence he was so upset.

Andy, on the other hand, re-started the air banjo.

“Again Andy.” Dwight’s voice had lowered to a growl.

Jim contemplated throwing back in Dwight’s face his previous reprimand of Kevin for attacking without the correct number of soldiers, but decided against it.

With a wide smile, Andy grabbed the single defense die as Dwight likewise grabbed the single attack die. They both rolled. Dwight’s die skidded to a stop on 5, Andy’s on 6.

The first thing Jim heard was the concussion of Dwight’s fists hitting the table. However, he looked up just in time to see Andy yell,

“GREENLAND FOREVER!”

Jim began to smile when Andy sat back down and launched into “The Devil Went Down To Georgia” again, while simultaneously bouncing around in his seat. As he did, he also heard Dwight mutter something about impossibilities and statistics.

That was it. He couldn’t hold it in any longer. Jim started to laugh harder than he had in a long time. It wasn’t just the game, which was completely ridiculous on its own, but the stress of the day as well.

The emotion and adrenalin from the fight with Karen in the Conference Room, and the fact that they were probably going to break up, if they weren’t already, continued to turn over in his mind and ache throughout his body.

Likewise, the fact that Pam wouldn’t even look at him, and left the office secretly at lunch to go into her own little world, one that he knew nothing about at all, had kept him on edge the whole day.

All of that emotion, stress, and anxiety he let out in laughter. It was the only thing he could do, the only thing he knew how to do.

It stopped immediately however, along with his heart, when he heard a voice from the doorway.

“Um….”

He didn’t need to look up, he already knew who it was. The difference in how he felt hearing it, compared to when Karen had said something similar, wasn’t lost on him. He felt a sudden nervousness, an excitement, and a warmth pulse through him. He looked up as she spoke again.

“…. So, I guess you guys found my RISK game?”

Despite the awkwardness that had lingered between them for so long, her smirk, and how good he suddenly felt, was all the invitation and motivation that he needed.

“Hey Pam. You, uh, want to watch?” He looked at her questioningly, hopefully, and pleadingly as he gestured towards the table. He needed her to say yes, for something to start to go right with them, even if it was this small.

She paused, and looked down at her shoes, then back up.

“Ok” She smiled weakly.

“Ok” He smiled back warmly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey pretty lady, how was the lunch? Eat anything good?” Andy said to Pam, in a voice that had suddenly gotten a little softer and a lot more creepy.

Pam, who was still practically in the doorway, looked at him wide-eyed, but still with the smirk she had worn since she addressed them all. “Uh, hey Andy. I got some McDonalds…thought I’d treat myself.”

Andy didn’t waste time. “Mmmmm, love me the Mickey-Ds. Their fries are delish.”

Jim looked at Andy incredulously and then to Pam, whose eyes were focused on Andy. Then she spoke again.

“Yeah, they’re….pretty good.” Jim thought she was about to say something else, maybe make a joke? But she was interrupted by Dwight.

“How is it possible that this is your game Pam? RISK is a game of global domination, it is not for women.” Dwight turned a little in his chair to face Pam.

Unlike Karen, Pam didn’t even blink at Dwight’ misogynic words.

“Well I, uh, was sorting through….” Her smirk was suddenly gone, and her eyes appeared to want to look anywhere but the table. “…some old stuff, that was in some boxes, and I found it. So, yeah….I figured I’d bring it in. I mean, you can’t play RISK by yourself, right?” Pam finished with a small tentative smile.

Jim jumped in before Dwight could respond. He knew it might not be a good idea to make a joke on the one aspect of Pam’s explanation that she had obviously been the most nervous about, not to mention the awkwardness it might create between them. But, he figured that unless he broke the tension with a joke, nothing was going to get better.

“That’s true Pam. I mean, you’d have to be some type of loser to play RISK by yourself, wouldn’t you agree?”

Pam looked a little surprised at his words. She was obviously taken aback that he would reiterate the fact that she was alone, but she still squinted questioningly at him. As though if she could concentrate hard enough, she could telepathically understand what he was trying to do. Dwight gave her little time to establish a connection however.

“I am not a loser, Jim! We’ve been over this, I am a Grandchampion of RISK, and accordingly I play myself.” Dwight had turned away from Pam, and back towards Jim.

“Wait. You play RISK…..by yourself?” Pam asked, in what Jim guessed was mock-seriousness.

“Why is this so hard to believe?!” Dwight looked as though he was about to throw his hands up. “I-I, would you say it was weird to play Monopoly by yourself too?”

“Uh….yeah.” Andy chimed in, trying hard to conceal a smile that was pulling at his lips.

“Do you play Clue by yourself?” Jim asked slowly as he looked at Dwight.

“What? No, I don’t play Clue alone. I play it with my girlfriend…sometimes, usually on Wednesday, that’s our game night. Despite its dubious subject matter, she enjoys it.” Dwight started to look completely flustered.

“You know Dwight, that playing Clue with an imaginary person still counts as playing by yourself?” Andy asked. He obviously wasn’t about to let up on him.

“I have a girlfriend. Which is more then you can say, Andy. You don’t see me ogling Pam, do you? Not that I would, of course, I wouldn’t want the possibility of red-haired children.” Dwight practically spat back at Andy.

The room suddenly fell completely silent. Jim surmised that it was a combination of the awkwardness of Dwight calling Andy out over Pam, and the incredible unease everyone felt at the fact that Dwight had considered impregnating Pam.

“Wow Dwight…..okay….why don’t we, uh, get back to the game?” Jim desperately tried to restore some sense of normalcy to the break room.

“Very well. I’m done my turn, you can go.” Dwight took his Conquer Card, and his turn ended.

As Dwight took his card, Jim looked up quickly at Pam, who had come into the room a little bit more, but was still next to Kevin near the sideboard. He looked at the empty seat across from him that Kevin had vacated and then back at Pam. He decided against offering it to her. He wasn’t sure she’d accept. Lately, she barely made eye-contact with him. Still, he smiled at the fact that she was in the room with him and Dwight.

“So my turn, Dwight?”

“I, were you not paying attention?”

“Yeah. So…..I think I’m going to attack you.” Jim animatedly scratched a little under his chin, as he gazed at the board.

“What? Where?” Dwight looked at the board, his eyes frantically attempting to take everything in, all at once.

“Oh, yeah….I, uh, haven’t decided yet. Someplace warm I think.” Jim smirked at the board, and pretended to think deeply about his next move.

“What kind of logical command decision is that? Wait!” Dwight sat back in his chair, as though an epiphany had just struck him full in the face. His voice lowered dramatically as he continued, “is this some sort of Halpert-Bernard Non-Aggression Pact? Is that what you two were doing during the 10 minute break?” he paused for a second, and then continued loudly, “I thought you were talking to Karen, Jim!”

Jim willed himself not to look over at Pam when Dwight said Karen’s name, and instead tried to re-take the comedic high ground. “There is no pact Dwight…Andy and I discussed it, but I said before that I was going to beat you, so it wouldn’t be fair….. Also, I’m attacking North Africa from Egypt.”

Before he did, Jim placed all the bonus troops that he got at the beginning of his turn, which depended on how many territories he owned, on Egypt. He now had 10 troops to the 5 that Dwight had left in the territory from his attack on it. He knew that all kidding aside, if he could conquer it, he would have all of Africa, and three more bonus troops at the beginning of his next turn.

Jim and Dwight each grasped their dice and rolled. Jim’s attack dice read: 6,5,2. Dwight’s defense dice: 4 and 1. Dwight removed two soldiers.

“Again, Dwight.” He reached to gather up his dice, when an idea hit him. “Actually, do you just want to surrender?”

Dwight, who had picked up his defense dice, looked confusedly at him. “Surrender? What?”

Jim smiled back at him and then gestured towards the board. “Well, I mean, you’ve got 3 soldiers to my 10. So….maybe it would be honorable if you just surrendered them. I’ll let you keep one and move it to North America.” Jim paused, leaned back in his chair and touched the tips of each of his fingers together. He continued, “think of it as a gesture on my part.”

He looked up at Pam, whose face was a mixture of raised eyebrows, and restrained emotion. Jim looked back at Dwight.

“You have no authority to do that. No where in RISK….No, I do not surrender!” Dwight, then rolled his two dice, which came up a 3 and a 2.

Jim shrugged, and rolled his dice, which came up 5, 2, 1. They each removed a soldier. Dwight now had two soldiers left.

Once again, Jim paused before he rolled. “Two soldiers left Dwight. This could be it for them. You sure you don’t want to surrender?”

“Stop talking nonsense Jim.” He rolled his defense dice once again, this time both came up 2s.

“Yikes Dwight….” Jim muttered a silent prayer for two of his three dice to go over 2, and complete the joke for the benefit of himself…and Pam. The three dice scattered on the table, and came up, 4, 3, 3. Dwight had lost, and Jim had conquered North Africa, and now controlled the entire continent. As he moved 7 troops into the territory, he noticed something interesting.

“Hey, Dwight….I attack Brazil from North Africa.” Dwight only had 2 troops in Brazil. He had shifted the bulk of his troops in that area into his previous attack on North Africa, and had lately been concentrating more in North America, so he had placed few reinforcements on the continent. Plus, by controlling Brazil, Jim knew that he blocked any troop bonus Dwight would get from control of South America.

“What?” Dwight looked shocked by Jim’s move.

“Were you not paying attention, Dwight?”

“No-I…why wouldn’t you attack Western Europe? Andy is going to get five bonus troops next turn.”

“Well we have a Non-….” Jim faked shock at his own words and covered his mouth with his hand. He continued,“….I’ve just decided not to Dwight.”

Dwight seemed convinced that Jim had almost revealed a secret plan with Andy for his downfall, and continued to stare at Jim as he grabbed the defense dice. He rolled, and the dice came up two 3s.

Jim causally reached for and picked up the attack dice. “Geez, rough rolling day, huh Dwight?” He smiled as he shook and then rolled the dice across the board. They bounced and plowed through North America, which scattered Dwight’s armies there in all directions. The three dice had come up, 5,4,2. Jim had conquered Brazil in one roll.

Dwight’s reaction was instantaneous. Between losing a second territory, its accompanying bonus troops, and Jim knocking his North American armies into different territories and the Pacific Ocean with his roll, Dwight was close to losing it. He looked at Jim menacingly and through clenched teeth growled.

“Avada Kedavra!”

Jim stared back at Dwight’s red face, with a mixture of amusement and confusion. What the hell was he talking about? He looked over at Andy, who seemed just as confused and amused, then back to Dwight, who still hadn’t blinked.

Slowly, Jim shifted his gaze away from the table and questioningly towards Pam, who was already looking at him. He furrowed his right eyebrow at her, as if to ask for a translation.

“It’s uh, from Harry Potter, it’s like a—

--It’s the most powerful of the Unforgivable Curses, Jim” Dwight finished for Pam, his voice still low, but now with a trace of smugness.

Jim wanted badly to smile, but stopped himself. He knew it would be worth it if he didn’t. “Wow, that sounds serious—

--It is serious, Jim, it—

--I mean as serious as magical curses from fictional children’s books can be, of course.” Jim re-interrupted Dwight. He let himself smile openly now, both at Dwight and Pam. The latter of whom, cracked a smile at him.

“Harry Potter is serious, Jim. The Deathly Hollows comes out this summer. I’ve already pre-ordered a copy from two different online vendors. I have to cover my bases.” Dwight said earnestly. Jim was a little disappointed at his reaction.

“What does your girlfriend think about you reading Harry Potter, Dwight?” Pam asked, as she slunk back against the countertop, and gripped it with her hands.

Jim was simultaneously confused and surprised by her question. Did….did she know Dwight’s girlfriend? Or was she just testing him to see if he had one? Either way, he was pretty sure she was making a joke and that had to be a good sign.

Dwight looked just as perplexed by her question, but quickly collected himself as he turned back towards Pam. “Not that it is any of your business Pam, but she….does not read Harry Potter. She prefers….other types of literature.” He stumbled through the explanation. Jim’s confusion deepened. He knew he was definitely missing something.

Just as he was about to ask why his girlfriend didn’t read Harry Potter, or how it was that Pam knew that she wouldn’t, Angela burst in through the door. Her face was pink with emotion, and she was quick to speak.

“Jim, as Assistant Regional Manager, I demand that you do something!” Her insistence was punctuated with quick breaths, presumably to stifle her rage.

Jim was legitimately caught off guard by both her entrance and words. He responded the only way he knew how. “Uh, what?”

“I said, I demand you do something!” Her hands found her hips as she spoke.

“Angela, if there is some type of malfeasance within the office, I should handle it. Not Jim.” Dwight said to her sternly.

“No Dwight. I might have asked you, but you decided that playing games was more important than working or maintaining an efficient office!”

“But Jim is playing too, and….” Dwight’s voice got smaller and smaller and then stopped under Angela’s glare.

“Where is Michael, Angela?” Jim asked.

“He’s in his office, and he won’t come out. I’ve knocked repeatedly….twelve times to be exact. He refused to even acknowledge my presence!” Her voice quivered with repressed emotion.

Jim sighed. He was having a good time screwing with Dwight, and Pam seemed to be warming up a little. They were rusty, to be sure, but he still felt their old dynamic. He didn’t want to leave. “Look, Angela….Is this really…”

“This is an emergency Jim! You are the Assistant Regional Manager! If you…”

Jim held up his hands in mock surrender, he knew he didn’t have a choice. He had to follow her back into the office. “Okay, okay Angela. I’m coming.” He stood up, and as he did, Dwight stood up as well. They both walked towards Angela and the door together.

Just as Angela and Dwight squeezed through the doorframe in front of him, Jim felt someone by his side, and he looked over. Pam was there, looking forward, but smiling and laughing lightly.

“This should be interesting.” She said, her voice betraying her excitement a little.

“Yeah, this should be very interesting.” He smiled and walked through the door. He had no idea what to expect next.

 

 

 

In retrospect, Jim thought that maybe he should have known what was coming. After all, it was the Friday before a three-day weekend. Still….

“Do you see?” Angela turned quickly. Her ponytail whipped in response, and her eyes narrowed in anger.

Jim nodded as he stood on the threshold of the office and the kitchen and took in the bizarre scene.

Phyllis sat at her computer, listening to music, without headphones, and no so quietly humming along to a song. Which, Jim realized after several seconds of thought, was Debbie Gibson’s “Lost In Your Eyes.” It took him a considerably shorter amount of time of thinking to decide not to share that he knew that with anyone.

THWACK!

Jim’s head suddenly turned away from Phyllis at the sound and he attempted to focus on its source, but couldn’t locate it. That was, until he looked over at Creed.

Creed was leaning forward in his chair, eagerly looking across the room at the far wall. It was then that Jim saw the bouncy-ball he had thrown against it ricocheting back towards him. Unfortunately, it hit Dwight’s bobble-head on its return trip, sending both of them to the floor.

“Dammit Creed!” Dwight dashed over towards his desk, and to the fallen toy/collectable.

“Sorry, Schrutey.” Creed paused for a second, as he continued to look over at Dwight, who was checking the bobble head for trauma. “Hand me back the ball, I’m going for a record.”

“No, I am confiscating this.” Dwight shoved the ball into the top drawer of his desk.

Creed shrugged, and reached into his own drawer. He pulled out another bouncy-ball.

Dwight took a step towards him, but then stopped. Jim thought that he might have gritted his teeth. Still, that really didn’t compare to what was going on in Accounting anyway.

Kelly and Ryan had both frozen when he walked in, so he wasn’t completely sure what was going on, only that it seemed to involve an inordinate amount of paper. At least judging from the dozens of balled up pieces scattered on the floor, and the loose pages that lay on Kevin and Angela’s desks. Also, there seemed to be a souvenir-sized Pirates bat involved as well.

However, what really surprised Jim was Stanley. He wasn’t just doing his crossword puzzle, he was doing it with his feet up on his desk, and his tie loosened. He smirked a little at his appearance….

But that was when he noticed Karen for the first time.

She was sitting at her desk, leaned back in her chair, and looking at him with a self-satisfied expression that conveyed the fact that she had been right about the need for him to set an example in the office. He returned her gaze darkly, and allowed himself to begin to wonder what exactly was going on between them.

Because it had just happened, he hadn’t really begun to process what had gone down in the Conference Room. It wasn’t like it was the first time they had ever argued about something, but it definitely was the first time it had gotten that intense. He usually backed down, let her have her way out of guilt and weariness, and tried to match her smile when she won. But this fight he had stood up for himself, at least partially, and told her how he actually felt. He let her know how frustrated he was at how she always seemed to want to change him, tweak him, improve him.

It wasn’t like he wanted to remain the same, either. He did have a new position, a new girlfriend, and Pam….well they had definitely changed. But, still, what he really wanted was someone who wanted what he wanted for himself, whatever that may be. Not someone who demanded what they wanted from him, or tried to tell him what he should want.

So, what did their fight mean? What is it just something they would move on from? Should he just call her on Monday, apologize, and show up at her house with her favorite take-out? He felt pretty confident that that plan would work, and it would get him a short-term fix to their relationship, and probably make up sex. But…did he really want that this time?

“Jim!” Angela now stood with her hands firmly on her hips.

Her voice shook him from his questions, and he cleared his throat to address everyone. “Uh, everyone….”

He heard the office get quiet, and the squeak of chairs that turned to face him.

“Thanks, um, look I know it’s Friday and everything….but” he stopped on the last word and stole a glance back over at Karen. Her face had gone from bitter to seemingly hopeful as he looked at her.

He stumbled over his next words. “Um, can, I mean, we’re an office and everything.” He paused again, and for the first time glanced down over his right shoulder at Pam. She stood silently, looking at him without the hint of the smile that she had brought to the room. Instead, her eyes were wide, and her lips were pressed into a firm line.

After a second she turned her head away, and looked down at her shoes. It was the same as it had been lately. Pam wouldn’t look at him, always turning away with a look on her face that almost looked pained, or sad, or something. It wasn’t like he could tell anymore what she was thinking or feeling….not that he ever could anyway.

But as Jim looked away from her and to the office, at the faces trained upon him, he realized the ridiculousness of what he was about to say. About what he thought he should say as Assistant Regional Manager.

Because, really, what was he doing? Was he actually going to chastise the office for goofing off in between turns of a RISK game in the break room? He wasn’t that guy. He wasn’t corporate, or a disciplinarian, or an example-setter. Who cared if people had fun? Wouldn’t that be a nice change?

He half-smiled as he spoke his next words. “Yeah, you know what everyone? It’s Friday…do whatever you want.”

He heard Angela gasp before he continued, “and Phyllis…” She looked at him with a broad smile illuminated by her monitor. “…be careful with that Debbie Gibson, you’ll get Stanley singing too.” He exaggeratedly raised his eyebrows at her, and smiled. She chuckled loudly, and he even thought he heard Stanley grunt in amusement.

As he continued, Jim could almost feel the weight peeling off of him. “Angela, I know you’re upset by…” he turned towards Accounting and Kelly and Ryan. “What are you guys playing?”

“Pirateball.” Ryan responded with a shrug of his shoulders.

“….upset by Pirateball. But, look, why don’t you just come into the break room and watch us play RISK? Or, go out and get decorations for next week’s Martin Luther King Day Party?”

Angela’s voice was deeply grooved with emotion when after a few seconds of direct eye-contact, she responded. “You are the Assistant Regional Manager, it is your responsibility to…” he hands waved frantically in front of her. “Do something!”

Jim sighed, and crossed his arms. He wasn’t backing down in arguments, not today. “I just did, Angela, okay? Look, do you have all the decorations for the party?”

He could see Angela’s mind shift from anger to thoughtfulness. “No, but…”

Jim interrupted her, hand raised. “Okay, so why don’t you, you know, do that.”

“Win-win-win.” He heard from beside him, and looked over his shoulder again to see Pam, cheeks flushed, and her smile returned.

It enhanced his own as he turned back to Angela. “Exactly.”

“Fine. But I will be notifying Toby about this!” In a huff, she turned on her heel and quickly walked towards the coat rack, passing Dwight at his desk.

“As will I! This is not second-in-command behavior, Jim.” Dwight announced loudly across the room.

“Are you going to do that now, or after I beat you in RISK, Dwight?”

Dwight snatched another of Creed’s bouncy-balls as it flew off the wall and at him. He put it in his drawer again, and slammed it shut loudly. “No, Jim. After I beat you.”

“Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. So, you want to?” he nodded back towards the break room.

“I do.” Without another word Dwight strode towards him determinedly and pushed his way between Jim and Pam, and through the door behind them.

Jim turned again towards Pam, and smirked the right side of his mouth. “I guess he’s ready.” He shrugged, and then turned back towards the door. As he walked through it, behind Pam, he turned his head and looked back towards Karen quickly. She was looking at him, features set coldly, and the type of anger in her eyes that he had already seen once today.

He looked away, and pushed through the door.

=

“Where were we? It seems like forever since we’ve played.” Andy leaned over the board and examined the troops closely.

Jim and Dwight regained their seats, and studied the board too. It really did feel that way. But, as Jim looked up from his examination, he noticed that one thing was very, very different then before.

Pam had just sat down in Kevin’s chair, opposite him at the table. He wasn’t the only person who had noticed, either.

“We’ve already started, Pam. You can’t play.” Dwight continued to look at the board, while he spoke. Jim wasn’t sure how he had even noticed that Pam had sat down.

“I know, Dwight, I’m just looking at the board.” Pam craned her neck and stared down at the board in what Jim was sure was mock-seriousness, especially when she started to bob her head in deep understanding.

“So…who is who?” Pam looked over from Dwight to Andy.

“Ah, well, Pam, that’s an excellent question.” Andy grinned at her, and proceeded to explain the situation.

“I’m the Red soldiers, and I’ve got all of Europe. Did I ever tell you that I went for a semester abroad when I was at Cornell?”

Jim thought he saw the faint traces of a smile pull at her lips…

“Oh, I don’t think so, Andy…but, um, so you’re Red…and who’s yellow?”

“I am.” Dwight leaned back in his chair, and finally shifted his concentration away from the board. “Once I conquer Greenland and Brazil, I will control all of the Americas.”

Jim couldn’t help himself. He knew that this was a chance that he couldn’t afford to blow. She had really been a friend when Karen had freaked him out with her talk about moving next to him, or well, two blocks over, and ever since then she had been really distant. It made it impossible to return the favor…but now? Well, if he could just get her to laugh, to smile….it would…be nice….to return the favor.

“How’s the Greenland campaign going, Dwight?” He asked.

Dwight turned towards him. “It will be going fine, Jim. Just you watch.”

“I was, wait.” He furrowed his brow and tried to look as quizzically as possible at Dwight. “Do you mean earlier?…I don’t think that went fine. Andy?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “It was a massacre. Like Dwight singing karaoke.”

“Well, it was Styx.” Pam interrupted. Jim was surprised, but still ready.

“Exactly. Um, have you heard “Blue Collar Man” or, uh, “Fooling Yourself”….”

Andy picked up where Jim left off. “Too Much Time On My Hands, Mr. Roboto, Renegade…”

Jim nodded emphatically and joined Andy in looking at Pam in shock. He saw her smirk a little, before she responded. He took it as a good sign.

“Yeah….so where are your troops, Jim?”

He looked at the board quickly again to remind himself, and then rubbed his hands together. “Well, I’ve got all of Africa, and Australia. So…”

“Suite Madame Blue.” Dwight interrupted.

Jim looked over incredulously at Dwight who seemed to be looking thoughtfully past Andy and at the opposite wall.

“Yeah, that’s a good one, too….”

“On Tuesday evenings Mose and I play American Gladiators in the barn while listening to that part of the song where they sing ‘America…America’. You know?” While he spoke, Dwight blinked away the distance of his gaze, and focused it on Jim.

It took everything inside of him not to laugh, or even smile. He stuffed his tongue between his bottom front teeth and lip and pressed down hard. After a second or two, he nodded in agreement. After a few more moments he could even speak. “Yeah, yup, I do.”

“Whose turn is it?” Andy looked at the board, again.

“It’s Jim’s. Though I’m sure he’s done. His armies are stretched to the limits as it is.” Dwight answered quickly.

Jim picked up the dice and looked for any way to make Dwight wrong. He couldn’t see any though.

“You should take Venezuela from Brazil.” Pam offered, pointing to South America on the game board.

“Oh?” He asked back.

“Yeah, well, you take Venezuela, you isolate Peru and Argentina, and hold the only North American attack point. Plus, Dwight will have to allocate troops to fight against Greenland, so if you reinforce it, you can rip through North America.” She finished causally.

There was a collective silence as all three men looked at her.

“What?” Pam lowered her eyes self-consciously and squirmed in her seat uncomfortably.

“Um, no, nothing Patton. Though, I just occupied it this turn, so I’ll have to wait, you know, to satisfy your thirst for blood.” His light tone was a little presumptuous, he knew. They hadn’t joked around with each other like this for a long time, and to try to jump back into it like this was a little risky. But he couldn’t help how good it felt.

Then she smiled at him, and he felt it like a blast of hot air. “Yeah, well, at least reinforce Indonesia. Dwight’s building a bridge on the coast of Asia through Mongolia and Siam so that he can transport troops all the way from Peru there. He wants to conquer Australia.”

Dwight’s response was almost immediate. “What?! No….I don’t. At all. That’s…no.” Jim saw him look over to him nervously. There was a pause of several seconds as they stared at each other.

“I’m attacking China from India.”

Dwight picked up the defense dice.

“Dammit, Pam.”

 

 

“That’s ridiculous.”

“So…you’re saying you don’t know the answer?”

“No Jim, I’m saying it makes no sense.”

“Well, it’s a hypothetical, so, you know, not in reality.”

“Who would win in a fight…..a bear with a rocket launcher or a leopard with a chainsaw?”

“That’s the question.”

Dwight sucked in a contemplative breath and looked up at the ceiling as he mentally debated the battle. Meanwhile, as Jim attempted to frown the smirk that was currently curling the left corner of his mouth, he dared to quickly look over at Pam. She was exaggeratedly frowning in deep thought at Jim’s question.

His smirk became a small smile.

“I’m back!” Andy announced as he walked in the door of the break room, and rubbed his hands together.

“It’s about time—

---from Outer Space, and I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face.” Andy began to sing to Dwight, whom he had just interrupted.

Jim watched Dwight turn increasingly darker shades of beet as his thick-glass framed eyes watched Andy shimmy his way over to his chair.

Andy finally sat down and grinned at everyone at the table. “What were we talking about?”

“Um, bears with rocket launchers and leopard with chainsaws.” Pam said as calmly as possible, but her voice cracked on the last word.

Andy didn’t notice or miss a beat. “What? Like in a fight?”

Jim covered his mouth to conceal the wide grin that now stretched across it, and simply nodded in Andy’s direction.

“Oh. Well I’d say leopards with chain saws.”

Dwight snorted audibly.

Andy heard, and looked over across the table. “How are you going to hit a leopard with a rocket launcher? It’s too fast. Wait. Is it a heat-seeking rocket launcher?”

Jim noticed that both Dwight and Andy looked at him for the answer. “Um, no it’s not. It’s uh, a normal bear mounted rocket launcher.”

“Then leopard with a chain saw.” Andy paused a little and bobbed his head to an imaginary rhythm as he scanned the silent table. “How did that come up, anyway?”

Before Jim could answer, Dwight spoke. “I told Jim that nothing in nature could kill a bear. They’re too dangerous. To which he said…” Dwight paused and frowned. Jim took it as an opportunity.

“What about a T-Rex?”

“Which are extinct! So they don’t count. Then he came up with this ridiculousness of an animal with a weapon. Like a leopard knows how to properly operate a chain saw.” Dwight leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“Wait.” Pam paused, and Jim looked over to see her eyebrows playfully dance on her face in eager anticipation. “But a bear could operate a rocket launcher?”

“Fact. Bears are smarter then dolphins, they have a high degree of intelligence.”

Jim desperately swallowed a laugh and picked up where Pam left off. Not even stopping to realize how long it had been, but how instinctual it was. “Well, that’s not really fair, I mean, dolphins have fins and they’re underwater. How are they going to work a rocket launcher?”

What looked like thought flashed across Dwight’s face, but his features quickly re-settled themselves sternly. “Irrelevant. Anyway, a bear would murder a leopard if it ever got a hold of it, rocket launcher or no.”

Jim shrugged dejectedly. “Well, yeah, that’s why it was only a hypothetical, Dwight.”

“Yeah, Dwight. Pffft.” Andy punctuated his agreement with a sharp exhale, and nodded dismissively at Dwight.

Jim thought he could hear Dwight’s molars grinding against each other.

--

--

After a couple more minutes of inane discussion that was typical of the office, in which a battle between harpooned-gun armed dolphins, and unarmed polar bears was argued, Jim decided to get things back on track.

“Right, so…” He hunched forward in his chair, and leaned over the board a little. “….we ready to go?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Andy said excitedly, and snatched up the dice. He surveyed the board, and placed all of his bonus troops in Greenland. Jim was starting to believe that he would be willing to sacrifice all of his other territories if it meant keeping that one from Dwight.

“Well, Tuna….I hate to do it but I gotta. I’m attacking North Africa from Western Europe.” Andy gave Jim a half-hearted apologetic shrug, and rolled. The dice came up 4,3,3.

Jim picked up his defense dice and rolled in turn. The two dice skipped and scattered to turn up a 5, and a 1. They each removed a soldier. Andy now was attacking with five, and Jim was defending with three.

“Hey did I ever tell you I dated an African woman?” Andy held the attack dice in his hand, but stopped the act of rolling them as he spoke.

“Uh, no, I don’t think so.”

“Yup, at Cornell.”

“Oh?”

“Where I attended college. Heh, well not really attended.” Andy flashed a much too toothy smile to everyone at the table. “I think I was read the SoCo bottle labels more than I did the textbooks..” he paused for a moment, “….if you know what I mean!”

“That you drank Southern Comfort more then you studied?” Dwight responded evenly.

“Uh, yeah…that’s….yeah, basically. But anyway, I dated an African woman…well, she was in America, so I don’t know if that made her African-American or not…I don’t know what the rules on that are.”

Jim sighed, and leaned back in his chair. He knew how useless his next action would be, but he knew he had to try anyway.

“Are you going to roll—

--Her name was…I don’t know. It was like complex and had a bunch of weird sounds, but I called her Lexi. Yeah….Sexy-Lexi…..I remember she didn’t like it.”

Jim figured that if there was no way to stop Andy, and stop this story….

“Oh, wait, so this is an ex-girlfriend?” he asked as innocently as possible.

“Yeah we broke up, junior year. I made her a Notorious B.I.G. mix-tape, ‘cause I thought that she would like it…uh, she didn’t. And uh, she got mad, well… you know how women are…” He paused to look at Jim and nodded his head perceptibly at Pam.

Jim didn’t move, and tried as hard as he could not to express any reaction. However, he shifted his vision to his peripheries and saw that Pam was looking at him, but then dropped her head to look at her lap. Unperturbed, Andy continued.

“…maybe she was West Coast, I dunno. But after that, she wouldn’t return my calls.”

A silence hung over the table for several seconds, as nobody knew exactly how to proceed. Jim now looked over at Pam, whose concentration remained on her lap.

“So the point of that entire story was that you are terrible with women, and a loser?” Dwight gracefully broke the silence.

“No. The point was that I dated an African, er, American woman. Have you?” Andy laid his hands flat on the table, putting the dice next to them.

Dwight returned his gaze sharply. “No. But, that isn’t because I wouldn’t. It’s just…I haven’t had the chance…not that I want the chance….because I am happily engaged, uh, in a relationship, not in marriage….not that I wouldn’t want to be. But…”

Jim looked over incredulously at Dwight and the word vomit that he was currently spewing across the room like the girl from The Exorcist. What was wrong with him? Why was he so flustered?

“It’s okay, Dwight. I think we all know how much you love your girlfriend.” Pam interrupted him softly, her head turned back up, and a kind curve to her lips played out on her face. Jim furrowed his brow and watched the two of them look at each other. It was if they were speaking without talking. He wondered for the second time that day whether or not Pam knew who Dwight’s girlfriend actually was….and if she did, how she possibly could.

But…even more then that, just a minute ago they were mocking him together about bear rocket launchers, and now she was defending him. Something was definitely going on. Right? He wasn’t crazy……was he?

His thoughts were interrupted however, by the clatter of dice to his left. Andy had rolled a 4, 3, 1. Jim reluctantly took his eyes off Pam and Dwight, and picked up the defense dice. He rolled a 5, and a 2. Once again, they each took a soldier off from their respective territories.

“Again, Tuna.”

They each rolled simultaneously, and this time Jim wasn’t so lucky. He removed both of the remaining soldiers off of North Africa. Andy had conquered it, and he now no longer controlled all of Africa.

“Ah, the sun never sets on the British-Bernard Empire!” Andy gleefully moved his attacking troops to occupy the new territory. Jim rolled his eyes, and he heard Dwight snort indignantly again.

After two more attacks, and the successful conquering of the Urals from Dwight…which subsequently prompted a five minute discussion on vodka, the time that Andy had to read Crime and Punishment in high school, and Dwight’s appreciation of the durability of the Kalashnikov rifle….Andy took his conquer card, and it was Dwight’s turn.

With a quick lick of his lips, Dwight scooped up the attack dice and hawkishly surveyed the board. It looked like he was about to speak when he was interrupted.

“You should put your bonus troops in Venezuela, and retake Brazil from Jim, Dwight.” Pam said emotionlessly to him.

Dwight paused for a second to look over at her, and then nodded. “Yes, that was what I was going to do. He is weakened from Andy’s African Campaign. Now is the time to strike.”

For his part, Jim again looked mystified at the both of them as they sat conferring on his RISK destruction. This time, he had to intervene, but he also knew that he had to do it lightly.

“Whoa, whoa, there is no cahooting in RISK. I thought you were a Grand Master anyway Dwight?”

Dwight looked up at him sharply. “I’m a Grandchampion….

Jim was ready even before he corrected himself, and smiled inwardly at how easy it was to step Dwight up. “…and yet, you need help from a girl. Do you think Hitler got advice from…uh, Eva Braun?”

“Are you calling me a Nazi?” Pam’s voice spiked a little, but to Jim it seemed to keep an undertone of humor. He responded in kind.

“No, no…you’re more like…” he stroked his chin meditatively for a second trying to think back to the hours of the History Channel that he had watched in Stamford when he was battling insomnia…or to high school…really anything that would help him out right now. Then it popped in his head. “….yeah, you’re like Vichy France.” He paused a second before he continued, “and a girl.”

He watched her click her tongue against the back of her front teeth, a move that always sent a thrill of heat down his spine and around his waist. “Oh, so girls can’t play RISK?”

Jim fought to not smile, but shrugged noncommittally, and gestured to his right. “Dwight?”

He didn’t need any more encouragement. “Pam, women are by their nature nurturing, soft, and peaceful creatures. War is not their game…”

Pam interrupted him quickly, her voice, to Jim, still retaining a sense of playfulness to it, and it made Jim sit on the edge of his seat just waiting for the chance to participate and make her laugh.

“….then what is a girl’s game.?”

Dwight frowned at her because of her interruption, but answered. “Candyland is an acceptable game for women. Also Chutes and Ladders.”

“Actually, I once knew a dominatrix….she liked playing this game with wax and clips….she wasn’t so peaceful, though.” Andy said wistfully to the ceiling.

“Non-suggestive charades, Connect Four, Hungry Hungry Hippos…” Dwight continued as though Andy hadn’t spoken…which admittedly was for the best….and ticked off the games on his hand.

Jim decided to go in for the kill. He could see that Pam was trying not to laugh at Dwight and Andy’s ridiculousness…she was right on the edge, she just needed a little push…a little surprise and shock.

“Actually my favorite girl’s game is…. ‘How Fast Can You Get Me A Beer?’…” he was already smiling as he said it, he couldn’t help it…but he tried not to laugh completely when he saw her shocked face. “Also good is ‘How Fast Can You Make Me A Pie?….Preferably, Pumpkin’.”

He could see she was trying to hold it in, but the dam of her tightly stretched lips broke and her laughter rang through the room. As it enveloped him like a warm, soft, cozy blanket, he watched her flushed cheeks, the way her nose scrunched, and the little wrinkles around her eyes and suddenly felt content.

The weariness, and fatigue that had seemed to dog him all day melted from his body and was replaced with an insane energy. One driven to make her laugh like that as much as he possible could, and to raise her chin and eyes to his every time she looked down to try and dodge his gaze.

As her laugh died, and both Andy and Dwight continued to look confusedly at her, her expression seemed to soften. Jim watched her wide eyes as they rested on the table thoughtfully. He wondered again what she was thinking, or feeling…really anything that was going on her head these days.

Fortunately he didn’t have to wonder too long.

Quickly, her eyes turned towards his and locked with them. He didn’t see her lips move because of the intensity of their matched gazes, only the words.

“I’ve actually played both of those games before…I’m glad that I never have to again.”

A thick silence fell on the room, and it seemed like Dwight and Andy fell away from the both of them as they continued to stare at each other.

Jim swallowed nervously, and said the first thing that had come to him after she had said the words.

“Me too.”

 

 

Jim was, by his nature, a very confused person. It was fortunate, and slightly ironic, that he knew this, acknowledged it, and pretty much had accepted it as a fact of life for himself, especially within the four walls of Dunder-Mifflin. That didn’t make it any less annoying though, and always guessing what something meant, or really meant, or shouldn’t mean, as he had for years and years had become as regular and tedious to him as pushing cardstock.

And this moment wasn’t any different. As he looked over the table into Pam’s wide eyes, which were set determinedly in opposition, he didn’t know what to think.

Still, that didn’t stop him from gazing into them. Up until now, he had been wandering in a desert of broken glances, broken feelings, and avoidance….but now he drank her in like the parched man that he was, and was replenished and renewed by it.

But what did it mean?

Jim hadn’t forgotten the fact that she had been working on a Christmas gift for him while he still was in Stamford with no indication of coming back to Scranton, and he certainly couldn’t forget the fact that he and Karen had just had the worst fight of their short relationship in the Conference Room. What did it all mean? What could it mean?….and why did he feel so guilty about some of the possibilities that he imagined as answers to those questions?

“Oh! Staring contest!” Andy eagerly exclaimed. Jim didn’t need to break eye contact to know that he was grinning crazily.

Unfortunately, his words broke the spell between them. Like a rock of reality shattering the glass house of fantasy his mind had gone to while staring at Pam. Their eyes both flickered away from each other.

“Um, I’ve got to use the…uh…” Pam mumbled, quickly stood up, and walked towards the door hastily.

His voice was caught in his throat, but as she crossed the threshold, he managed to croak out. “D-Do you want us to hold the game?”

She turned, her curls cascading down on her shoulders, framing her flushed cheeks. “No, no…that’s fine.” And without another word, she was gone.

“Finally!” Dwight breathed out in a huff. “Who invited her anyway? A woman in a war-zone is a terrible idea.”

“But it’s good for morale!” Andy chirped. Jim would have said something, but his eyes were still on the now empty doorframe, and his mind was still lingering on the questions that floated adrift in it.

“It’s good for a distraction, Andy. Women are wily, they’ll confuse you with their…...wiles, and next thing you know….bam!” Dwight slapped the table, bringing Jim back into quasi-concentration on the proceedings, and in doing so; he noticed Andy jumped slightly in his chair at the noise. “….you’ve lost half of a continent, because you were smelling their bath powder.”

Jim took in a breath, and decided to fully focus himself back on the game. Pam had gone to the bathroom, right? She’d be back. Right? She hadn’t left because of the eye contact….right?

With that ironclad train of thought, he jumped back into the conversation. “Geez, bath powder? How old is this woman, Dwight?”

Before Dwight could answer, Andy interrupted. “Maybe that’s why she’s so wily?”

“No. That’s not…women of all ages use bath powder, okay?” Dwight stared angrily at Andy, and then shifted his intensity to Jim.

Jim sucked in the right corner of his mouth, and looked with arched eyebrows over at Dwight. “Are you going around smelling women?”

“No, Jim. I’m—

--That’s probably why he’s home alone, playing Clue with his imaginary girlfriend…” Andy joined in gleefully, sensing an opportunity to pile on.

“That’s not…I have a girlfriend! I’m saying women and war do not mix.”

There was a pause as Jim nodded his agreement. However, he couldn’t help himself for very long. “Certainly not like women and bath powder, that’s for sure.”

He watched with barely concealed amusement as Dwight struggled to control himself at the table. This was his favorite part.

“Oh well, look, Jim and Andy….it appears to be my turn at global domination.” Dwight said softly, and Jim thought, in a way that seemed almost Hannibal Lecterish.

“…Now that there are no women in the room, I can actually get down to business.”

Jim looked at the board to calculate Dwight’s next moves, which he figured would probably follow the pattern that Pam had outlined before….and he also mentally told himself to remember to ask her how she was so knowledgeable about RISK because it would be a good ice breaker and he was curious.

It was then that he heard what he, for a split-second, thought was Kelly giggling to his left. However, a quick glance showed Andy, with his hand over his mouth.

“Do you usually need women to be out of the room to get down to business, Dwight?” Jim heard Andy ask.

Oh right. How had he missed that?

Dwight didn’t flinch in response. “Yes. Women are distracting, we-we’ve been over this a million times, are you trying to stall Andy? Because it won’t work. War may not be—

“Yeah, yeah, we know, Dwight, The Prince. Just, let’s go….it’s already like almost three o’clock.” He interrupted. Of course, the time didn’t really matter, anyway. It wasn’t as if he really had anywhere to be, he certainly wasn’t going out to dinner tonight.

“Very well Jim. For my first move….I shall attack Brazil from Venezuela.”

“That’s shocking.” Jim grabbed the defense dice, and rolled two 4s, before Dwight could roll.

“It’s about to be. Lightning war, Jim, lightning war.” And with that obscure emphasis and wording that Jim didn’t understand, Dwight rolled a 5,4,2. They each removed a soldier. Jim had six remaining troops to Dwight’s ten attacking ones.

After picking up the dice several times more, and rolling, Jim was left with only one soldier to Dwight’s five.

“Well, well, well, Jim…it appears as though Brazil is lost. South America will be mine.” Dwight leaned back in his chair, pursed his lips, and pressed his hands together and against his bottom lip. “Would you like the opportunity to surrender?” He asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Jim decided not to lose a beat, or another soldier. “Sure, I’ll move him to Egypt. Thanks Dwight.” With that, he picked up his last Brazilian soldier, and transported him.

Dwight shot up in his chair. “What-No. You can’t do that Jim, I was only kidding! There is no surrendering in RISK!”

Jim feigned ignorance in an attempt to get Dwight back to the bath powder levels he had just been at. “Uh, you just offered it to me. So, verbal agreement.”

“Witness!” Andy chimed in.

Jim thought he heard Dwight growl before spoke. “Fine. But that is the last time I offer it. And don’t worry, I’ll be in Egypt soon enough.”

“Okay, I mean, I wasn’t worried, but that’s a good reminder. Thank you.” Jim shrugged nonchalantly.

“Well now that I have all of South America, I think it’s time to….” Dwight’s eyes stopped covetously on Greenland, but he also saw the small nation of soldiers that were spilling out into the sea on the territory, and so they kept roving.

“Take back the Urals!” He announced dramatically. Jim was waiting for the ominous music to cue behind him, but to no avail.

Still, Dwight’s decision was rather odd. As Jim surveyed the board, he couldn’t make out what importance the Urals had.

Dwight controlled all of South America, and was close to capturing North America. Meanwhile, Andy still controlled Europe, and had taken a territory from him in Africa, meaning he no longer got bonus troops for it at the beginning of his turn. For his part, he still had Australia, and pretty much all of Southeast Asia. Jim surmised that he was in last place….still, maybe he could sit back and watch Andy and Dwight fight each other. In fact, he could start right now…because the only reason he could think of that Dwight would want to conquer the Urals, was because Andy had them. It certainly wasn’t because he had a troop advantage. In fact, it was three attacking to three defending.

“I attack the Urals from Siberia.”

Andy grabbed the defense dice, as Dwight picked up the offensive ones, and they both rolled.

“Ohhhh….show me round your snow peaked mountains way down south….” Andy began to sing slightly too loudly. Jim was so distracted by the sudden interruption that he hesitated to glance down at the result of the rolls. Though considering that Andy was singing….

He looked over to see Dwight remove two soldiers, leaving him with only one that could attack.

“Again.” Dwight said sternly, his eyes completely focused on the Siberian-Ural border.

“What? You’ve got one soldier left you can attack with.” Andy stopped singing, and asked incredulously.

“Which means I can attack.”

With a shrug of his shoulders, Andy picked up the defense dice and rolled a 3 and 2.

Jim looked over to see Dwight, his eyes wide as he picked up his one and only attack die. He held it in his hand for a moment, and muttered something under his breath. He rolled it, and it skipped, bounced, and ultimately came up a 5.

“Yes!” Dwight air-punched excitedly. “Where’s your singing now, Andy?”

Jim looked over to see Andy hunched over the table, supported by his elbows, eyeing the attack die like a lion eyes a gazelle…or like he normally eyed most of the women in the office generally.

“Again, Bernard.” Dwight said confidently.

Without a word, or even an expression, Andy picked up his two defense dice and rolled them, again. This time they came up 5, 1.

Jim looked bemused over at Dwight, knowing that he needed to roll a 6 to win this round. Once again, with a reverent motion, he picked up the die, muttered something, and rolled.

“Six! The Force is balancing itself out, Andy. You can’t stop it.”

Andy didn’t respond again, he just continued to look silently dumbstruck at the turn of events. Jim, however, was not so numb.

“Did you just reference Star Wars?….as a reason for the fact that you rolled a six?”

“Fact. In 2001, almost four hundred thousand people identified their religion as Jedi in a census study in England and Wales.”

He wasn’t sure exactly how to respond to that, and simply nodded to Dwight, who in turn, smiled in victory and looked back across the table at Andy.

“Again.”

Andy reluctantly picked up his last defense die, and this time he rolled it simultaneously with Dwight.

The dice slid across the board, colliding with each other. They both came up as 1s. Andy had won.

“…and Moscow girls make me sing and shout…That Georgia’s always on my…

“Andy”

“….my my my my….”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Andy.”

“….my my my my….mind!”

Dwight stood up immediately from his chair, and crossed his arms dejectedly. Jim thought he was about to sit back down, but he turned around, paced for a second, and then announced.

“Break…I need, a, um, break.” And then, he was gone.

Andy smiled, and removed Dwight’s soldier from Siberia, leaving him with the requisite one defending piece. He turned and smiled at Jim.

“This is really my game today, first Greenland and now the Urals.”

Jim nodded wide-eyed, but he had a pressing question on his mind. “Yeah…..um, are you going to sing geographically significant songs every time you have a battle with Dwight?”

Andy paused to consider the question but then smiled again.

“No, of course not. If Dwight does attack Egypt, I’ve Toto ready for you, Tuna.”

“Oh boy.”

 

 

“Jim”

“Yeah?”

“Wait two and a half minutes until after I leave, and then follow me to the Conference Room.”

Jim looked thoughtfully at his own reflection in Dwight’s glasses, which sat nearly an equal distance away from his eyes, as they did their wearer’s.

“Why?”

“I’ll explain in the Conference Room.”

“Right, but why don’t you just explain it now, so, you know, we don’t have to do….that.” Jim shrugged his shoulders carelessly.

But the truth was that his words were anything but careless. He knew that it was completely cowardly to not want to have to walk past Karen at her desk on his way to the Conference Room, but that didn’t stop him from feeling uneasy just thinking about it.

Honestly, he just wanted to avoid the situation for a little longer, to put off this minute what could be dealt with in the next one. To try to find five minutes of peace, even if it was created by distance, and wrapped in silence.

“Jim….you cannot have a conference next to the doors to the bathroom. Does that make sense? Especially when there is a Conference Room twenty-eight paces away.” Dwight said exasperatedly, his eyes widened further through the magnification of his glasses.

Jim nodded, slid his hands into his pockets, and took a step backward so that he could look through the door into the office. He saw that Pam wasn’t at her desk, and he was pretty sure she wasn’t in the bathroom either.

He had left an excited Andy alone in the break room, promising only a quick pause to the game, and had decided to look around casually for her. The way that she had left so suddenly, and right after they had shared that moment, or whatever it was, couldn’t have been a coincidence.

What it meant, if anything, he had no idea, but he still had an extraordinarily strong urge to see if she was okay, and to make sure that he hadn’t destroyed what little progress they had seemed to make today. Her presence, her smile, and her laugh played in his mind like a seemingly forgotten song whose lyrics are suddenly remembered after its first notes are heard again. The comfort and intoxicating warmth it sent through him spurred him onward now.

“So then you agree?” Dwight’s blunt words broke him from his thoughts.

“Wha-Dwight, what is this about?” He asked. His voice suddenly sounded strained and weary to his own ears, again.

“Not here, Jim. There are people listening.”

“The cameras are gone, and who would listen anyway?”

“Exactly.” Dwight nodded solemnly in agreement to what Jim assumed was the imaginary re-affirmation of his own paranoia. It was then that he knew there wasn’t anyway to escape this, whether by prank or by logical argument.

Especially not by logical argument.

“Okay, fine, two and a half minutes, Dwight.”

“Good. One hundred fifty seconds. Count—

--That, or…half of five minutes.” He offered, as straight-faced as he possibly could.

Dwight’s forehead folded itself in puzzlement at his words. “That makes no sense. Just…..count off in your head.”

Without another word, Dwight turned and walked through the door back into the main office.

--

--

One hundred and forty-eight seconds later, with both bottled water and a newly unwrapped Twix in hand, Jim pushed his way into the main office and sucked in a bracing breath.

Upon entering the room, Jim noticed that the carnival of activity that had previously been playing in the office had died down considerably. Ryan and Kelly were no longer playing any game; in fact they were nowhere to be found. Creed was asleep again, and Stanley was at the water cooler next to him.

Phyllis, however, remained unchanged and was still listening to music without headphones on, though instead of Debbie Gibson, Jim recognized Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody to Love.”

Angela was still out shopping for decorations for the Martin Luther King Jr. party, which Jim knew from experience would require her to find black streamers, black balloons, and sweet potatoes somewhere in Scranton. So…even with her experience it would take a little while, probably.

Also, he saw now for certain that Pam was nowhere to be found, not at her desk, or by the fax machine… but that her coat was still on the rack next to the desk.

And then, as he continued to survey the room, there was Karen. She hadn’t looked up at the sound of the door opening, and his presence in the office. Instead, her concentration remained fixed on her computer monitor, with the occasional frustrated look over at Phyllis and the click-clacking of keys from underneath her agile fingers serving as a challenge to the music.

He quietly took long strides towards the Conference Room, deciding in step on the first one that he wouldn’t be the one to initiate conversation with her. It wasn’t because of Pam, he told himself repeatedly, but rather the way that Karen had talked to him during their fight, and the way that she always tried to make him something that she wanted him to be, and not what he wanted to be, or what he wanted to want to be.

However, with those thoughts came others, and he felt the burden of guilt spread heavily across his shoulders. He remembered his words during the fight as well, and his accusation that he hadn’t asked her to change anything about herself….

But she had moved to Scranton.

On several occasions he had tried to bring up the subject with her, always painfully innocuously, like during the middle of a lazy Lost marathon, or while making dinner.

Why exactly had she moved to Scranton?

Every time she had assured him that it was because of the job, and that their relationship had grown out of that. He tried to believe her, but there remained within him a nagging doubt, because, really, why would someone so talented and driven move to Scranton to work at Dunder-Mifflin?

Of course, it was then that he also asked himself…

Why would anybody want to change their life for him?

His hand was achingly close to the handle to the Conference Room door when he heard her say his name softly. Even though his back was turned to her, it felt like he was under a Medusa’s gaze, and he slowly turned around.

“Yes?” He asked, the tone of his voice emotionless, and trying desperately to remain steady.

Jim watched as her features faltered slightly, how the sharp shadows of her face gave way, and that the steeliness he had accorded to her gaze was an aberration.

“What, uh, what are you doing?” She asked, her voice far lighter then it had been before. He recognized from experience what it meant, that it was a conciliatory tone and an open-door to apologies and making up for their fight.

He stared at her for a moment, then turned his head to look through the blinds at an impatient Dwight, before returning to her eyes. “I’m meeting with Dwight in the Conference Room.”

“Oh?” Her left eyebrow arched slightly, and a small grin pulled at her lips.

Jim sighed to himself. He didn’t want to do this, not right now, and not today. He knew that he should want to make up with his girlfriend for any number of reasons, but as he watched her sit there, her smile and tone strikingly transparent to him in their fakeness, he realized he just didn’t want to.

And he knew that it made him a bad boyfriend. The fact that she was trying and he wasn’t. But this time, for the second time today, he had the energy to not just cave in with apologies and promises. To not gloss over their problems and differences with a thin veneer of temporary sorrys, and later, soft touches. It was that strength that ran through him as he replied.

“Yeah. We’re going to talk RISK strategy….I think.”

This time when she spoke, her voice was undercut by a frustration and disappointment he knew well. “Oh, so you’re still playing?”

“Yeah….” He said the word slowly, almost releasing it like a long breath into the air.

She nodded her head and stared off into the distance for a moment before her vision flickered back to him. “Okay.”

He waited for her to continue, to condemn him or to act like it was suddenly okay for him to be wasting the precious seconds and minutes of a lifeless Friday before a three-day weekend playing board games, but she didn’t. She just stared at him. After a few seconds of silence, he filled the void between them.

“Okay.”

With that, he turned and walked into the Conference Room.

--

--

“What took you so long?”

Jim paused after closing the door, and looked at Dwight on the opposite side of the room, sitting at the end of the table. “Why are you sitting all the way over there?”

“We’re men, we should sit at the heads of the table. Like Michael whenever we have a meeting.”

He thought about mentioning that Dwight didn’t sit at the other end of the table during those meetings, but decided against it and took his seat in the chair Michael usually sat in and stared across the room at Dwight.

“Tell me, Jim, what do you know about the Treaty of Tordesillas?” Dwight asked, while he laced his fingers together, and squinted his eyes into near-slits.

“Of Tordesillas? Hmmm…” Jim searched through his mind for a moment, of the history factoids and random knowledge he had been using all game long, but nothing clicked. “I don’t know that much about it.”

“I know. In—

--Wait. Why did you ask me if you knew I didn’t know?” Jim interrupted.

Dwight frowned, but continued. “To demonstrate that I knew it and you didn’t. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of diplomatic history. For example, do you know what the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact is?”

Jim rubbed his temple with his middle and index fingers, as he looked at the barely contained grin on Dwight’s face. “Uh, no, I don’t.”

“Exactly. Anyway, as I was saying, the Treaty of Tordesillas was an agreement reached between Spain and Portugal in 1494, which divided the New World in half between them.”

“Right?….” Jim let the single word linger between them, hoping it might push Dwight to get to the point.

“I propose a similar agreement between us.”

Jim smiled inwardly, and found himself wishing for a camera to look at, or..…someone to share the moment with. The thought created an idea in his mind that he tucked away.

“But…you already control North and South America, Dwight.”

“Obviously, Jim. I’m talking about dividing the entire world up between the two of us, and after their successful conquests, then declaring war on one another.”

“How….is this not a non-aggression pact, like the one you said Andy and I couldn’t have?”

Dwight shook his head slowly. “Jim…Jim…Jim-Jim-Jim….

“Yes, Dwight?”

“This isn’t a non-aggression pact, this is an understanding that aggression will be delayed until after Andy is eliminated from the game.

Jim grinned a little, unable to contain the idiotic enjoyment he still got from these conversations. “That really sounds a lot like a non-aggression pact, Dwight. I mean, if we can’t attack each other.”

Dwight took off his glasses slowly, and rubbed his eyes until they were splotched with a red rawness. When he finally spoke, the words came out forcefully, almost in a hiss…. like steam from a teapot, Jim thought. “This game is a test of wills between the two of us. Andy is a distraction, and his ridiculous luck and Greenland stronghold are destroying the integrity of that test.”

“True….true….” Jim leaned back in his chair, and gazed thoughtfully at the ceiling long enough to make sure that Dwight would be antsy. “But, the last time we had an alliance, you betrayed me Dwight. So…I mean, how do I know I can trust you?”

As he said the words the memory attached to them flooded back through him. Of his hand in Pam’s, of her laugh and smile so wonderfully close to his own, and then Roy’s hand on him, of him pushing her away, and the camera there to capture everything.

He had relived that moment, those feelings, hundreds of times, almost torturing himself with their acute painfulness in the past. Every time they ran through him, he felt the hopelessness of the situation, of the desperate wondering of what she saw in Roy that she couldn’t see in him.

But this time it was different, more like a dull ache. It was if it were a bruise that still colored him, but was slowly vanishing, so that it wouldn’t blemish him anymore.

“Jim, that was a completely different situation. Because…” Dwight paused for a moment, the whir of his thoughts almost audible in the room. “….it…this is a board game, and not the future of Dunder-Mifflin.”

Jim nodded, as if that explanation made any sense at all.

“So…do you want to form a Tordesillian pact with me?”

Jim affixed his most serious face, the one that he had previously used in a situation like this, and decided to go for the idea that he had a moment ago, when the thought of someone to share all this with had come to him.

“I have conditions.”

“State them.” Dwight answered, without a flinch or blink.

“One. I want you to buy me a candy of my choice from the vending machine—

“You already have a Twix.” Dwight interrupted.

“They’re not for me, because two, I want a uh…..RISK advisor.” He smiled inwardly at his own definition.

“A RISK advisor?”

Jim nodded and then spoke urgently. “Yes, look Dwight if we’re going to pull off a global aggression-delayed pact, then I’m going to need, uh, military coordination. ‘Cause, you know, I’m not that smart.”

Just as he expected, Dwight nodded in agreement. “That’s true. Fair enough Jim, I accept your terms of candy and a military advisor….who will be?”

Jim fought it, but he couldn’t stop the sliver of a smile that cut across his face. He knew that this idea was risky, that it could blow up in his face easily, or that maybe it was just a terrible idea.....but he said it anyway.

“Pam.”

“A woman? No, Jim, that’s—

--Those are my terms, Dwight.”

Dwight’s fingers tapped impatiently on the table, the sound resonating throughout the room, punctuating the silence between them.

“Then, I will require a military advisor as well—

--Not Michael.” Jim quickly interrupted.

“No, that would be…unfair. I will have to choose a woman like you have.”

“Dwight, you’re a Grand Inquisitor, why do you need an advisor?”

Once again, there was a hesitation from Dwight, before he continued. “Because…Jim, it…evens things out….and it would look suspicious otherwise….and you know that I’m a Grandchampion!”

Jim recoiled slightly in confusion. “It would look less suspicious if we both suddenly had women helping us?”

“Jim! Just….okay?” Dwight puffed out, his words coming in between exasperated looks.

“Alright, so who—

--Angela.” Dwight said, a little loudly.

“Um…alright, but she’s not here, you know that right?” Jim questioned. Why Dwight would want Angela, who had already seemed pretty upset about the fact they were playing a game, or really having any fun at all, to be his RISK advisor….or why he would even admit to wanting or needing one….was bizarre.

Though, he supposed, if Dwight wanted someone as serious and bent on the destruction of others….

“Irrelevant. She’ll return soon, and then she will be my advisor. Now, do you want to form an alliance?”

“Absolutely, I do.”

 

 

“Hey Michael?” Jim asked through the office door after knocking several times. He tapped his foot impatiently, and ran his hand through his hair in a swiftly frustrated motion.

Where was she? Why had she left like that?

He was about to knock again, this time with his fist, when he noticed that through the blinds to the left of the door, Michael was staring at him with wide and nervous eyes.

“Did Angela send you?” The muffled voice came through the window.

“Um, no.”

With another flurry of activity, Michael vanished, and moments later the door opened to show his relieved smile.  

“Good...good...what’s….uh…” Michael frowned and a strangely guttural sound came from his throat. He stopped on his way back to his desk and placed his hand on his stomach. “Ugh, sorry, a little Snickers coming back up….so, what’s up?”

“I wanted to ask—

“Is Angela here?” Michael interrupted, his voice suddenly cautious and his eyes looking past him and towards the window.

“Uh, no, she’s out buying decorations for the party on Tuesday.”

“Yes! MLK Day. Gotta keep it diversified, Jim. One love.”

“Yeah, um….”

“One love! Right? Gotta….gotta keep the stirring pot melted.” Michael punctuated the sentence with a chuckle, and smiled widely.

“Sure, but…” Jim stepped a little further into the office, and closed the door behind him. “I just need to send something off to…Nashua, so….do you know where Pam is?”

“Hmmm…she’s probably in the bathroom. ‘Cause you know….” Michael sat back down in his chair and nodded a little at him.

Jim shook his head in reply. “Uh, nope, I don’t.”

“Geesh, Jim. C’mon, be a little sensitive!”

“Is-Is something wrong with her?” He asked, his voice wobbled slightly with surprise and worry. How could Michael know something about her that he didn’t?

“No, no. It’s just…let’s say…” His voice went down to a knowing whisper as he continued, “….Alabama is in town.”

“What?”

“Ala-ba-ma.” Michael sounded it out slowly and phonetically, as if Jim didn’t understand the word.

“The state?”

“No, what? No.” Michael’s hand flew up in front of him, as if he was trying to bat away the question. “The college, Jim. The college.”

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers, and steadied himself with a breath before he continued. “The University of Alabama is in town…and that’s what’s wrong with Pam?”

“Correct, sir.”

Jim stood for a second in thought, trying to decipher what the hell Michael seemed to be alluding to. Sometimes talking to him was like breaking a crayon-scribbled code.

The University of Alabama? The University of Alabama? What….but then in a second he had it, the school’s nickname.

He tried not to shiver in revulsion at Michael.

“Ugh, Michael. Alabama?” Jim winced, and spoke with a disappointedly edged voice.

“I know! I was reading the ‘Girls of the SE…T..or P’ issue of Maxim last night and thought of it. I’ve been waiting all day to use it.” Michael smiled widely, and leaned back in his chair happily.

“Okay, but….the Crimson Tide? Just say….

“Ew, no. That’s lame, and gross.” Michael shook his head violently, like a child in a highchair rejecting the airplane spoon filled with vegetables.

“Alright, I’m going…” Jim turned to leave the office, but then realized he hadn’t made any progress on Pam’s location.

“So you don’t know where she is?” He asked tiredly, his frustration with the entire situation weaving itself in his words.

“Jim, I told you, she’s Alabama-ering, in the bathroom, probably.”

“Michael, how could you possibly know….” He stopped himself, not wanting to go down that path. “….right, okay, thanks.”

Without another word, Jim turned and walked out of Michael’s office, and closed the door behind him. He had taken one step towards Reception, when he heard a tapping behind him.

Without looking, he asked, “what?”

Michael was back up against the window, with his head stuck between the blinds. His frantic voice muffled by the pane of glass. “If Angela comes back….I’m not here. Also, make sure she got sweet potatoes and watermelon.” With that he disappeared again, and Jim heard the door to the office lock.

With a sigh, he put his hands in his pockets and took one last look behind him to see that Karen was still not at her desk, as she had left during his conversation with Dwight. He walked over to Reception to try to figure out where Pam had gone.

It was in moments like this that he was very, very glad that the cameras had left for the day. He knew that if they hadn’t, they would have not only filmed his argument with Karen, but he’d probably have had to put more effort into the half-hearted attempt to look for a pretend fax on Pam’s desk while he searched around.

He noticed that in addition to her coat still being on the rack, her purse sat underneath the desk. She hadn’t left the building then, and she wouldn’t have gone up to the roof or outside, after all it was winter in Pennsylvania.

That left two options, and both made his stomach fill with a warm, tight nausea that instantly had him trying to breathe evenly. She was either in the stairwell, alone, or she had gone to the warehouse, with Roy.

But hadn’t she just said that she was finished with him? Or had he misinterpreted that? The hands in his pockets balled into fists, and he walked out of the office.

--

--

With an echoing squeak, the door to the stairwell closed behind him. It was completely quiet; he didn’t hear the squeal of a shoe, the muttering of a sigh, or anything to give away the fact that she could be here.

It felt like a lifetime ago that they had used this place to get away from the cameras, whether to just eat a lunch in peaceful silence with one another, or to talk about things that they didn’t want to have broadcast to anyone.

A lot of the time they just told stories, embarrassing ones of course, about their families, or themselves. Sometimes they talked about what they were going to do after Dunder-Mifflin, as if this was just a nightmarish chapter that they could punctuate with a period, and turn a new page on.

He remembered the bitter sweetness of the time they had spent together here. Any time alone with her was special, and left him with a nervous energy that shook itself out of him in laughter, smiles, and animated conversation. But on the other hand, learning about her, about her family, and especially about what she wanted to do after Dunder-Mifflin only reminded him that he really wasn’t a part of her life and that she would be gone soon enough. She’d be married, and he wouldn’t even be able to be on the outside looking in, he’d just be alone.

“Pam?” He asked to the quietness, the noise of his voice reverberated against the walls of each of the floors of the building, up and down. But there was no reply. She wasn’t there.

--

--

“Hey Hank, how are you?”

The security guard looked up at Jim tiredly, but a polite smile came to his face at his words.

“Hello James, I’m fine.” His faint smile quickly disappeared. “Did Schrute send you down here?”

Jim forced a small laugh, but got to the point quickly. “Uh, no….um, actually I was looking for Pam. Have you seen her?” He tried to sound nonchalant, but the sound of his fingers tapping in rhythm, pinkie to index, index to pinkie, on Hank’s station betrayed him.

“Mmm-hmm. She left a couple minutes ago.” He gestured towards the doors.

“Right. Okay, thanks.”

--

--

Considering that she didn’t have her purse, Jim reasoned that there was little chance she had driven anywhere, and so his immediate reaction was to go through the doors after her into the cold. But he thought better of it, and went upstairs. A minute later, with his own coat, and scarf on, and her jacket draped casually over his right arm, he emerged from the elevator and walked back into the lobby.

Despite the precaution, he squinted hard into the cold blast that met him when he opened the doors. It immediately sent a flush to his cheeks, and tinged the tops of his ears with a piercing frigidness. He blew out a hard breath that floated visibly in front of him, and then dissipated slowly.

Pulling the coat slightly tighter around him, he looked up and down the parking lot, and the side of the building for her. At first he didn’t see anything, and the growing dread that she had gone to the warehouse for some reason, to see him, or be with him, sent a humming heat under his skin that was more than enough protection against the weather.

Before he could question why he exactly felt that way, or if he had any right to, he saw what looked like a silhouette in a car at the end of the lot. He strode briskly towards it, the salt scattered on the pavement crunching underneath his feet. As he got closer, he saw her, reclined in the driver’s seat of her car, with her eyes closed.

His first instinct was to leave her alone, to back away slowly, and go upstairs to keep playing the game. He didn’t want to disturb her…..nap? But the jacket in his arms reminded him both of the cold and its absence on her.

He rapped lightly on the passenger side window, and leaned his lanky frame over to look in on her reaction. He wasn’t disappointed. She jumped half a foot out of her seat, then turned towards him, and stared with wide and surprised eyes. He waved, and without permission he opened the door and attempted to fold himself into her car.

She was half leaning over the passenger seat, in an attempt to open the door for him, as he slid in. Quickly, her arms snapped back to her side, and she adjusted the seat back into a more upright position.

“Uh, hey.” He watched her sweep a strand of hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear in an unconscious movement that he couldn’t help but be conscious of every time she did it.

“Hey, I…” he paused for a moment, forgetting why he was here, in her car. He licked his bottom lip slowly, and looked down, away from her….and to her jacket.

“Oh, yeah, I brought you your jacket.” He passed it to her, and she smiled weakly and then held it in front of her, unsure how to put it on in such a confined space. With a shrug she just put it over herself like a blanket.

As she did, he tried to figure out something to say, but he had no ideas, because he was so unsure of what she was thinking. Why had she just left like that? And why was she sitting in a cold car in January instead of upstairs at her desk? He wanted to ask, but he was scared she’d just lie, or leave, or….be mad. So, instead, he did what he always did.

“I know gas is like two fifty a gallon, but you’ll freeze out here Pam.” It was admittedly, a weak joke, or really, not even a joke, but it was the closest he could come to asking her.

She laughed lightly, but he could tell it was more of an automatically polite reaction than a genuine one. “Yeah, I know, I just…there was nothing to do in the office, so I thought I’d get some of my drawing stuff.” She looked over at him briefly to see if he would believe her, but they both knew it was a lie. And, so after a quick moment, her gaze whipped back to the steering wheel.

“That’s…really great. I mean, the drawing and sketching and stuff. It’s…I’m glad that you’re doing that.” He dared to glance over at her, and saw her nodding, but still looking directly in front of her.

“Yeah, me too. I’m really enjoying it. I’m, uh, glad I chose to do it.”

“Well, I always knew you’d be great at it…..” he stopped himself, inwardly grimacing at the self-righteousness of the statement. She’d been the one that had done it, she didn’t need to be chastised for how long it had taken her.

He suddenly felt as though he had to lighten the mood, to cover up his own words. “….I’m sure you’ll be signing tablecloths to pay for your meals in no time.” He smiled at her, but clenched his right fist so hard that his fingernails dug into his palm and burned in pain. Why had he said that? It sounded patronizing…she’d think…..

He took a breath and tried to calm down, because it felt like everything he said was wrong. Why did he calculate, analyze, and criticize everything he said to her? Why was this so hard?

There was a silence for a couple seconds, as they sat there, side-by-side in the cold car, their breaths pouring out of them, and co-mingling in the tiny space.

“I know you thought that…that I’d be great.” Her voice was quiet, cautious, and tentative.

He nodded in reply, again not knowing what to say to her. It didn’t seem like he should really bring up the fact that he had negotiated a candy bar and a position for her at the board game in the break room at that moment. It might be a little tactless.

“Who was that?” She spoke again, this time her voice sounded more like her. Like, a sweetness laced with mischief.

“Who?” He asked, confused at what she meant. He looked out the window for the person she was talking about.

“The artist, with the tablecloths….”

“Oh” he laughed a little at his confusion and nervousness at the prospect of someone interrupting them. “It, uh, was Picasso. He used to just doodle something on tablecloths and restaurants would, like, accept it as money.” He looked over at her, and for the first time she looked back, their eyes meeting without the other nervously glancing away. “Not that you’re Pablo Picasso….” He paused for a moment, just long enough to see her expression change into confusion before he continued. “….I’m sure your paintings make sense.”

She laughed a little, and reclined her seat to where it had been. She leaned back and her head lolled to the side to face him. A smile crept over her. “Uh, yeah…well today I drew the McDonalds parking lot. So….”

“Oh, so you’re more Warholian then?” He interrupted.

Her eyebrows rose a little at his comment, and she smirked a little. “How do you suddenly know so much about art?”

Jim reclined back into his seat a little, and then turned his body to face her. He immediately noticed her expression was all softness. The cold made her cheeks and the tip of her nose pink, and somehow even more beautiful then normal.

As he stared at her, he lost himself in this. The quiet, her presence, her beauty, and the desire to have this with her…The fact that since the merger he had forced himself to ignore, subdue, and chastise himself for feeling anything, seemed ridiculous to him now. He didn’t know if it was the fight with Karen, or the board game whose ridiculousness he knew only she could appreciate, but suddenly all the questions in his mind became just one, and the answer was staring back at him, expectantly waiting for him to speak.

But he knew that he couldn’t tell her that. After all, this was the first time they had spoken like this in a while, and it wasn’t as if Karen wasn’t still upstairs or that he knew where that was headed. He had to be careful, with her, with himself, with everything.

“Well…my best friend is an artist, so…I’m obviously going to have keep up with her, and her friends.” He smiled warmly at her, but he knew what it meant to say that to her. He also knew what it meant for her to reply.

“Yeah?” She asked, almost in a whisper.

“Yeah. Maybe….maybe I’ve, uh, not said that lately or, you know, acted like it I guess. But, yeah….I don’t want you to think that you’re….not that….” The words tumbled out of him, and with them a certain amount of relief. He knew looking at her that it wasn’t everything……that it wasn’t the whole truth, but he couldn’t let himself go completely there. Because a part of him wanted her to say something or do something that made it clear how she felt. To break them from this purgatory of uncertainty.

“You’re…..” she inhaled a breath, and Jim noticed that for a moment, it seemed as though an intensity flickered across her face, a resoluteness that quickly scattered. “…my best friend too, Jim. I, uh….thank you.”

They sat in silence for a couple moments, each smiling peacefully at the other. But then, Pam pulled the coat off of her, and sat up in her seat.

“I’m kinda cold.”

Jim sat up too, and looked over at her. “That’s actually good…’cause I need to cash in some best friend coupons.”

Her response was quick, and sharp. Like it always had been. “When did I make you coupons?”

“You didn’t, but you’re an artist so I’m sure you’ll think of something….maybe use glitter. I dunno.” She laughed at him, and this time he knew she meant it. “….we have to get back to the game.”

“The one where Dwight and Andy are beating you?”

“No. The one you’re going to help me win.” He answered playfully.

“Oh, and why would I do that?” Pam responded in kind, her voice back to the plotting and scheming tone that he loved.

“Candy.”

“Candy?”

“Yes, candy.”

“You think I’m going to help you dominate the world….for candy?”

“Pam….I know you’re going to. You’re like the little alien from E.T. If I put pieces of candy in a line you’ll follow it like Pac-Man.”

“Wow. That’s like a lot of eighties references.”

He shrugged agreeably. “Alright, what if….I can get Dwight to buy you the candy?”

She frowned a little confusedly. “Dwight? He’d never buy me candy. Last time I asked him for a dollar for the machine he made me leave collateral and charged interest.”

“He hasn’t had me ask.”

She smiled for a moment, but then it left her, and a seriousness took its place. “Yeah….that’s true.”

But Jim didn’t notice, he extended his hand to her over the center console. “Deal?”

She folded her much smaller hand in his, and let the warmth of his touch melt away the cold of her fingers.

“Deal.”