Dwight sighed as he put his bag down next to his chair. Once again, Jim was at his desk and not taking his work seriously.

"What are you doing?"

Jim didn't look up from his book. "Reading."

Idiot. "I see that. Why aren't you working?"

"I'm reading Harry Potter and I'm 10 pages from the end," he said, looking up defiantly. "Do NOT ruin the ending for me."

"Please," Dwight replied. "The ending isn't that great. You'll be disappointed with the epilogue."

"Thanks," Jim replied sarcastically, leaning back over the book.

I'm not going to ask him about it, Dwight thought. He wants me to, but I won't. "What do you think of it so far?"

"Shh."

Dwight stared at him incredulously. He shushed me? His fingers started getting twitchy as he thought about reaching for his mace, then remembered that Toby confiscated it. Didn't matter anyway because mace would be a waste on Halpert.

Then Dwight looked at Pam. She seemed quiet, seemed normal. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He was getting worried this was another prank, but then who in their right mind would pull a prank involving Harry Potter? It seemed impossible.

Dwight was finishing up an order when he heard Jim slam the book shut across from him. "Done!" Jim announced proudly. "OK Dwigt, ask me whatever you want."

"My name is Dwight," he replied.

"Right. Are you going to ask me a question?"

Of course, Dwight had some. He had been thinking about them all weekend because, unlike Halpert, he had been able to finish it in less than a day. Jim was such an amateur. "Question!" he said, leaning over his desk. "Who was the baby in Harry's dream when he died?"

Jim looked up at the ceiling, as if contemplating the answer, before looking back. "Keanu Reeves."

"Jim! It was not Keanu Reeves!"

"Yes, it was," Jim replied. "Remember that scene in The Matrix? Same thing. JK Rowling ripped off whoever wrote that movie."

"The Wachowski brothers?"

"Yeah, them. She ripped them off."

Sigh. Once again, Dwight was going to have to set him straight. "First of all, JK Rowling came up with the idea for Harry Potter before The Matrix was even released. And second, they're not even brothers anymore since one of them had a sex change."

"And became JK Rowling," Jim replied, leaning back in his chair.

What? "He did not become JK Rowling. She was always a woman and she has more money than the Queen!"

"I still say she ripped off the weird baby in the white room from The Matrix guys."

Dwight couldn't take it anymore. He just could NOT have a conversation with Jim about the conclusion of his favorite series of all time -- and this was even after he made sure not to spoil the epilogue for Jim. In fact, he had warned Jim about how bad it was and wished someone had done the same for him.

"One of The Matrix guys is now a woman," Dwight said through gritted teeth, "and you don't deserve to be reading the awesomeness that is Harry Potter."

"If you say so."

"Also, I revoke your privileges to ever read another Harry Potter book again."

"What about Harry Potter fanfiction?" Jim asked as he looked over his monitor.

"No."

Jim started to look desperate and for a brief second, Dwight was thinking about removing Jim's ban.

"Not even the smutty fanfiction when Harry and Ron have sex in Grimmauld Place while Hermione is sleeping next to them?"

"Not even that!" he yelled, startling Phyllis and making Pam look up from her desk. He didn't care though. They just didn't understand the terror Jim would bring to the world if he were allowed to be a Harry Potter fan.

"It was a good book," he heard Jim mutter from across their desks.

"The best," Dwight replied quietly.

Jim looked over at him with a questioning look. "Even better than Prisoner of Azkaban?"

Dwight hadn't thought about it that way -- well, at least not until Jim had brought it up. "Even better," he said as honestly as he could.

Jim gave him one of those quirky smiles. "I agree."

Well, at least he isn't a total loss, Dwight thought. Maybe he would bring his Battlestar Gallactica DVDs in for Jim to borrow. Maybe.

Usually, he never felt depressed, but today was different. Today, he had to ride up on the elevator with Angela. Normally,this wasn't a problem, but this morning, it was awkward. They had a big fight last night and it didn't help that she wouldn't say a word to him.

As the doors opened on their floor, he tried to make one last-ditch effort. "Monkey?" he asked. She ignored him and harshly opened the door to the office.

Dwight walked slowly behind her, giving her plenty of room as he dragged himself to his desk. It seemed like the whole place was in a funk -- Pam didn't say hello when he walked in, Phyllis was banging on her keyboard, and Meredith looked more haggard than usual. They seemed to all be on the same cycle and were PMSing together.

Dwight never drank coffee, but he needed it this morning. He opened the door to the kitchen and saw Jim's head snap up with a look of hope on his face. Then he stared back at the table, his face falling back into depression as he looked into the cup in front of him.

"Dwight," he said in a monotone voice.

"Jim."

Dwight looked down at the coffee pot as it finished brewing, then started to pour himself a cup.

"Hey, can you bring that over here?" Jim asked.

Dwight wasn't feeling up to fighting with Jim today so he simply walked over, poured Jim another cup, and put the pot back on the counter.

"Thanks, man," Jim muttered.

"You're welcome. Do you want milk or something?"

Jim shook his head. "Black is fine."

Blech. Dwight hated his coffee black and quickly opened four packets of sugar and poured them in. Taking a sip, he tried not to think about talking to Jim about his problem, but he didn't know where else to turn.

"Women," he said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah," Jim replied, keeping his eyes fixed on his cup.

He figured Jim wasn't pushing him away so he pulled out the chair across the table from him and sat down. He took a few more sips of coffee before he finally got the courage to continue the conversation.

"Jim, when you and Pam, you know, fight...what do you fight about?"

Jim looked up at him, his eyes tired and weary. "Let's see...the fight we're in right now is...well, it's about the past alot, I guess. We're just having some trouble getting away from it."

Dwight nodded his head slightly. "Right."

"What about you and Angela?"

Dwight sat up straight in his chair. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, sorry. It's just...well, I kind of know about you and Angela," Jim replied before quickly adding, "but I haven't told anyone."

As much as he was angry that Jim knew, he also felt good knowing that he didn't have to hide his love for Angela from everyone in the office. He slouched down in his chair and stared into his coffee cup. "She's set in her ways."

"Yeah," Jim said quietly. "That sounds about right."

Dwight looked up at him, a bit surprised. "I thought Pam was acting different since she broke up with Roy."

Jim sighed. "She is different, but she just...there are things that she still insists on carrying with her."

"Tell me about it."

Jim sighed and threw his head back, trying to get the last drops from his cup. He backed his chair up slowly, but didn't stand. "I'm really sorry, but I have to get some paperwork done. You gonna be OK, man?"

"Me? Yeah, it'll be OK."

Jim nodded his head slightly and stood up. "Let me know if you need to talk."

"Thanks, Jim. You, too."

They nodded at each other -- a gentleman's agreement of sorts -- and Jim walked out, leaving Dwight to his thoughts.

After finishing his coffee with four sugars, Dwight put his cup in the sink and went back to his desk. He sat down, but could only stare blankly at the screen in front in him.

Across the room, he could hear Jim talking to Angela about the monthly expense reports.

"So I'll fix these and have them back to you by this afternoon."

"Thank you," he heard Angela reply.

"Oh, and can you do me a favor? Dwight is having...well, he's a little heartbroken about a fight he's having with his girlfriend. I thought maybe you could talk to him about it, let him know it's going to be OK?"

Dwight peered over at his monitor to see Angela's reaction. Her mouth was a tight line, her back stiff, but he noticed her eyes were soft and warm. "I will consider your request," she said simply.

"Thanks, Angela."

Jim walked back to his desk, head down, eyes on the ground. Dwight noticed Pam watching him walk past her. As Jim sat down, Dwight caught his eye and gave him a slight nod. Jim gave him one of his loopy half smiles in reply. Normally, they annoyed Dwight, but after their conversation in the kitchen, Dwight understood what Jim was trying to say.

He dragged himself off the elevator and into the office. He didn't have a good night the night before -- a hail storm had damaged some of the beets -- and his morning sales call was a disaster.

"What's that smell?" he asked Jim as he set his bag on his desk.

"What smell?" Jim replied.

"It smells like a dog." He took another whiff of the air. "A Labrador of some sort."

Jim looked up from his desk, a frustrated look on his face. "Actually, it's a chihuahua Kelly brought in."

"Why did Kelly bring a chihuahua into the office?" Dwight asked sternly.

Jim got that smug thoughtful look on his face that Dwight always hated. "Um, I think she's replacing Ryan with a dog."

And sure enough, at that moment, the dog in question came barreling through the kitchen door, ran over to Andy's desk, and started barking at the paper salesman. Andy looked kind of frightened at the little pooch in the ballerina tutu next to him. "Paris!" Kelly yelled. "Paris, come here!"

The dog obediently ran back to its owner and Kelly scooped her up from the floor.

"What is that?" Dwight yelled from across the office.

"It's my dog, Paris," Kelly replied innocently. "I named her after Paris Hilton. Did you know Paris has a chihuahua named Tinkerbell?"

Dwight scowled at the little dog. "I don't care! A dog does not belong in this office! In fact, I should report you to corporate or, at the very least, to Toby. Not like he'll do anything about it, but at least I will be able to formally file a complaint for this immaturity."

"Fine!" Kelly yelled back. "I'll just take her into the back room again where she'll be all cooped up with no one but me to give her any attention!" Kelly quickly turned, walking back through the kitchen door in a huff with the little puppy in her arms.

Dwight sat down in his chair and turned on his computer, asking as if nothing had happened.

"Wow," Jim said next to him. "That was intense."

Dwight looked over questioningly. "Do you think I was too harsh on her? Because I wasn't."

"No," Jim replied quickly. "No, man. I've just wanted to say that to her all morning."

"Oh."

"So yeah, thanks, I guess."

Dwight turned back to his computer and entered his password, "SamwiseSchrute," into the space provided. "It's my duty as safety officer to make sure there are no health hazards in the office," Dwight explained, keeping his eyes on his screen as his HP booted up. "A dog could cause any number of serious problems for the employees here, including death."

"Right," Jim replied, going back to his work.

He just doesn't understand, Dwight thought. Seriously, 10,000 people die of dog allergies every year. Dwight looked back at his computer screen wondering how he was going to salvage his lost paper sales and his lost beets.

*** *** ***

It had been quiet after Kelly ran back to the annex with her pooch, but Dwight was starting to get suspicious that it was a little too quiet. Then he heard Jim forcefully push his chair away from his desk.

"What the..."

"What's the matter?" Dwight replied.

He immediately reached for his ninja stars under his desk, believing that something had attacked Jim and was going to try and get him next. His theory his close. Kelly's dog came bounding out from under Jim's desk, wearing a red dress. It was then that he noticed Jim's pants leg was soaked. "Is that dog urine?"

Jim scowled as he looked down at his wet shoe. "Yep," he answered matter-of-factly. "I think it is."

"Paris!"

Ugh. Kelly's scream always hurt Dwight's ears. He was pretty sure it was a weird high-pitched thing in her voice that only he could register with his above-average hearing.

"Um, Kelly, I think your dog peed on me."

"Omigod, Jim!  I am soooo sorry! I'm still trying to train her to use a litter box."

"Um...aren't those for cats?" Jim asked.

"Fact: Small dogs can use litter boxes," Dwight replied. "Also, they can be trained to do their business on newspaper laid on the ground."

Jim took a quick glance to see if there were any cameras getting all this. "Thanks, Dwight," he replied quietly, his camera search ending in defeat.

"Jim! I am so sorry!"

"Yeah, you said that already," he answered nonchalantly as he rolled his chair back to his desk while shaking his leg, hoping to dry off any dog urine he could.

As Kelly walked away with her dog, Dwight began to pack up his stuff for the day. "Jim, I would suggest you soak the leg of your pants in milk when you get home. It always helps me get ink stains out of my shirt pockets."

Jim gave him a defeated look. "Thanks, man. I may try that."

Dwight threw his briefcase strap on to his shoulder. "Bitches. Can't live with them, can't live without them."

"Yeah, I guess."

Dwight briefly put his hand on Jim's shoulder before walking out the door. His day was bad, but Jim's was worse. It was going to take forever to get that dog urine off his work shoes.

Not only had Dwight been unceremoniously dumped by his girlfriend, but now he had to contend with Andy wanting to talk about his make-out sessions with Angela. And yeah, even Jim would admit there was a part of him that felt sorry for his co-worker.

That's probably why he felt a pang of sadness when he walked into the break room to see Andy and Dwight sitting at a table eating lunch. Andy looked happy, but Dwight? Not so much.

"Big Tuna!"

"Uh...heyyyyy," Jim replied without taking his eyes off of Dwight. "What's going on here?"

"I was just telling Dwight about my latest conquest." Andy looked over at Jim and gave him a mischievous smile. "I got to first base with Angela."

Jim tried to give Andy a positive look of surprise, hoping to cover the actual sympathy he had for Dwight. Sympathy for Dwight? Something was wrong with the world. "Wow...Andy, that's great."

"I know, right? I'm hoping to get to first-and-a-half by this weekend," Andy said before standing up to throw the remnants of his lunch in the trash.

"Um...Andy? It's Monday."

Andy walked up and whispered loudly to Jim, "Gives me plenty of time then, doesn't it, Big Tuna?"

And with that, Andy left, leaving Jim alone with Dwight, who was still sitting at the table. It was just the two of them in the break room, but Dwight didn't really seem to be all there. Jim turned back to the candy machine and started putting some quarters in, letting his co-worker sit in silence. His bag of M&Ms fell with a thud and he quickly grabbed them before heading for the door.

Then Jim stopped. He couldn't explain why he stopped or why he was about to do what he was about to do, but he truly did feel like he was on Dwight's side in this case.

"Dwight?" he asked without looking up for the bag of candy in his hand.

"What?" came a muffled reply from across the room.

"Did you see the grocery store ads in the paper this weekend?" he asked, looking up to see Dwight staring at him.

"We don't get the paper on the beet farm."

Jim nodded. Why was he making this hard? "Oh, because Pam gets the paper I was looking through it this weekend...and um...they have Jell-O on sale this week."

And there it was. He was about to help Dwight execute The Prank of All Pranks, the prank that was HIS prank. He was about to give Dwight the secret to everything.

"So?" Dwight asked sarcastically.

Maybe this was going to be harder than he thought. "Oh...um...well, there's a recipe on the back of the box for those Jell-O Jiggler things that you can eat with your hands."

"Gross. That just allows more small undisciplined children to put their sticky fingers everywhere."

"Right, yeah, I guess, but it also works well if you want to encase something in Jell-O, you know?"

Dwight looked him dead in the eye and, with a serious tone, replied, "Why would I care about that?"

"Oh, um...no reason." Jim turned and walked out, tossing the bag of M&Ms in hand and then catching it. No one could say he didn't try to help Dwight -- it was just that Dwight didn't want to pay attention to what he was saying.

xxx xxx xxx

Two weeks later, nothing had changed. Andy was still stuck at first base with Angela, Dwight was still depressed, and Jim was still cursing himself for leaking one of his most sacred work secrets to a guy who didn't even appreciate the sacrifice.

He and Pam got off the elevator and headed in for another menial day at work. As they walked in the door, they let go of each other's hands and Jim began fumbling with his coat. He almost made it to the coat rack before he ran right into Pam, who was standing completely still and staring at the office.

"Pam?"

She didn't answer, just continued to stare ahead. That's when Jim turned to see what she was gawking at. Across the room stood Andy, staring at his desk in disbelief, his pencil cup jiggling around in some Jell-O.

"Nice job," Jim whispered.

"What do you mean?" Pam replied in the same hushed tone without taking her eyes off of the shocked Andy.

Jim looked down at Pam and quietly explained, "I sort of hinted my super secret recipe to Dwight so he could get back at Andy for the whole Angela thing. And look what he did? Pencil cup in Jell-O."

"The pencil cup's in Jell-O, too? Holy crap!"

Too? Jim's head snapped up, his eyes scanning Andy's desk. Next to the pencil cup was Andy's stapler suspended in a tell-tale lemon concoction. Half of his mug from Cornell was sticking out of a red blob with the bottom half submerged below the surface. The mouse for his computer was encased in a sky blue gelatin that Jim suspected was that new blueberry flavor he had seen on the shelf a few weeks ago.

He was amazed.

"What's going on?" Dwight's monotone voice snapped him out of his haze.

Jim turned and smiled as Dwight pushed his way around the couple to hang up his coat. "Nice job, Dwight."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Jim pointed across the room at the stoic Andy. "Someone put all of Andy's stuff in Jell-O."

"How immature." Dwight grabbed his brief case from the couch and walked to his desk. He opened the case, grabbed some paperwork out, and quickly snapped the latches shut before sliding it under his desk.

Jim gave Pam his trademark "what the hell" look before following Dwight's lead and sitting down. Then he watched Andy slowly pull his chair out and sink into it without taking his eyes off the rainbow of gelatin on his desk. It was such a different reaction than the one in Stamford when Andy found his calculator in Jim's Jell-O mold. Andy was completely thrown for a loop with this one.

"How am I supposed to get any work done?" he asked in a quiet, shocked tone from his desk.

Dwight turned in his chair to face Andy and simply said, "Sucks to be you," before turning back and logging on to his computer.

Jim looked over at Pam and smiled. Today was gonna be awesome.