Bigger Than Big Brother by GreenFish
Summary: The Office has become a surprise reality-show hit across the country. Spoilers up to "Casino Night."
Categories: Jim and Pam, Present Characters: Ensemble, Jim/Pam
Genres: Humor, In Stamford, Romance, Workdays
Warnings: Adult language
Challenges: Reality TV Hit
Challenges: Reality TV Hit
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes Word count: 23641 Read: 7926 Published: August 30, 2006 Updated: September 20, 2006

1. Chapter 1 - It Begins by GreenFish

2. Chapter 2: Publicity Matters by GreenFish

3. Chapter 3: Queer Eye for the Office Guy by GreenFish

Chapter 1 - It Begins by GreenFish
Author's Notes:
Response to the "Reality TV Hit" challenge at More Than That.
Jim Halpert had a lot of regrets. But one of the biggest ones he had these days was signing the release form agreeing to have his likeness, words, and actions taped at "any and all times relating to work performed at Dunder-Mifflin or events including Dunder-Mifflin employees." At the time, he hadn't even given it a second thought. Who the hell was interested in seeing a show about people working for a paper company?

The show's "pilot" had just been released that May. Everyone knew that summer shows were "fluff" -- shows that no one really watched because most people actually did things during the summer other than watch television. At least, that's what Jim was hoping for. That no one would watch it and they would go back to their lives; the show would be just another blip on the huge radar of reality television.

Of course, all of Jim's family and close friends had known all along that his office was being filmed for an upcoming reality show. They were constantly peppering him with questions like "What's it like to be filmed? Is it all staged? Do they make you say certain things?" The answer to the latter questions was no, of course. You couldn't make up some of the stupid things that Michael and Dwight managed to say on a daily basis.

Jim was aware that there would be a certain amount of "creative editing," going on, so to speak -- he'd taken a few media classes in college and had actually written a term paper about the production of The Real World. That show, of course, was almost completely manufactured and fake, from the "diverse cast," to the "arguments," to the things they said in the Confessional.

That was why Jim wasn't surprised that so many of his friends assumed that the scenes on their "office" show had to be set-up to some degree. After meeting Dwight, however, his old roommate, Mark, had been all-too-convinced how real it was.

Jim was transferring to the Stamford branch at the end of May. Things hadn't worked out the way he hoped with Pam -- she had given him some lame line about how she had been with Roy "too long to change things now." He knew, and she knew, that was just an excuse, but Jim was tired of trying to beat a dead horse. He'd already taken the leap: told her he was in love with her, kissed her afterwards (and he was sure she had kissed him back), but still... she hung onto this ridiculous idea that it was "too late" to break up with Roy now.

The two weeks before he was set to leave for Stamford were awful. They were barely speaking, and when they did, it was usually only to relay phone messages or calls. Jim was miserable.

It was only made worse by Michael's insistence that they all get together for a "viewing party" the night that the pilot aired. Jim was planning to skip it, but Michael turned it into a viewing party-slash-going away party for Jim, and Michael insisted that he had to attend. "Attendance is mandatory for all Dunder-Mifflin employees," Michael announced.

Given that Michael had somehow conned corporate into sponsoring the event, most of the office agreed to go, since it meant free food and drink. They all gathered at Poor Richard's that night [since Pam was banned from Chili's, Michael's number one choice] to watch the first episode. The bar was fairly busy. Apparently, word had gotten out that the "official" screening party for The Office: An American Workplace was to take place there, and since the show was set in Scranton, many Scranton-area residents came to check the show out. Richard, the bar owner, was selling one dollar Jell-O shots and a drink called the Michael Scott (a 7-and-7 with lime juice and a splash of SoCo). Michael couldn't have been more flattered to have a drink named after him.

Several local newspapers and one local television news station had come out to interview the office staff that night as well. When Jim revealed he was transferring to the Stamford office in a week, all the media wanted to know why. Jim explained it was a better move for him professionally. He felt like he was lying through his teeth, even though he really wasn't: it was a better move for him, professionally. The pay was better; it was a promotion in both title and responsibility. It also meant that he was getting one step closer to having an actual career at Dunder-Mifflin, not just a job.

When the show came on, the bar went silent. Jim watched the opening credits come up on the large-screen television on the wall. Stock footage of Scranton, their building, the Dunder-Mifflin logo, then shots of everyone in the office. He cringed when his face came up on the screen. Jim glanced over at Mark, who sat next to him at the bar. Mark snickered at him as the show started.

There were so many things Jim noticed while watching the show: Michael called him "grasshopper" -? That was one of many lame phrases yet to come, he was sure...

Jim never knew Michael had bought that "Worlds Best Boss" mug himself. He had told the office it was a Christmas gift. From a Secret Santa. (But not from the Secret Santa gift exchange.) He claimed it had "mysteriously" been left in his office. So much for that.

Angela's cat party? He didn't even remember that. He glanced over at Pam, who happened to be standing next to Angela. Angela glared at her, then at Jim, and stormed off to the bathroom. Pam didn't look at him. Jim turned back to the TV, and couldn't help but notice the way he leaned over her desk - odd, how casual he looked doing that. He wondered what everyone else thought - if it looked strange to them as well.

Jim glanced around to see if Roy was there. He finally caught Roy sitting at the other end of the long bar with Darryl and Lonny, laughing and taking shots of liquor. He looked over at Pam again, who was now sitting by herself at a small table near the bar. He wondered what Roy would think about what was going on. Would he think it was weird that Jim hung around with Pam? Would he be able to see that Jim was attracted to her? As far as Roy knew, he thought Jim had a crush a long time ago - not anymore.

Jim didn't think Pam had told Roy about their kiss on the company Casino Night. Jim quickly thought about it. There were probably a lot of little instances where Pam and Jim had hung out together that Roy didn't know about. Jim remembered the cameras following Pam and him up to the roof on that night Jan and Michael took the Lackawanna County rep out to lunch. The next morning, he had joked about it being a "date." Would they include that on the show? That hadn't happened that long ago. What about the time Pam had come over to that party at his house? Would Roy be jealous that she was in his bedroom? It wasn't like anything had happened.

The only time anything really "bad" actually happened was that one time he'd kissed her. But she'd said no. And the cameras hadn't been there when that all happened (thank God), so it wasn't like Roy really had any evidence to go on ... right?

He turned his attention back to the screen when Mark poked him in the arm, laughing out loud.

"Dude... what ... the hell?" Mark guffawed.

Dwight was pushing down the "pencil barrier" that Jim had created between his and Dwight's desks. Dwight was saying, "I could fall -- and pierce an organ."

Jim glanced over at Dwight, who quickly caught Jim's eye and stared at him indignantly. Jim turned back to Mark, who was still watching everything incredulously.

"Dude, I know you told me all these things, and I know that I've met Dwight, but this is hilarious. Are you guys always like this?"

Jim smiled crookedly. "Well, you know... you gotta do something to keep from falling asleep at work." He shrugged.

The rest of the night was a blur. He had too much to drink. When they were saying goodbye to everyone, Pam had cautiously approached him by the front door. Jim saw her glance back into the bar, and he looked, too. He thought he saw Roy engaged in conversation with one of the cocktail waitresses. Jim turned back to see her staring at him. She had a weird look in her eyes - it was that same look that she'd had when they were at Chili's for the Dundies last year and she drank too much (oh God -- were they going to show that on the show? He'd forgotten about that until just now.)

Jim swallowed hard. Mark was standing next to him, which helped, because right now Jim was so tipsy, he could have kissed her right there, in front of the entire bar, Roy included. Better judgment came in the form of a roommate, who stood next to Jim with his arms folded across his chest. Mark, of course, knew about what had happened between him and Pam, and he was sympathetic to Jim. Mark knew the only reason Jim was moving to Connecticut was because Pam had said no.

Pam looked between the two of them, seeing Mark staring at her critically. "Um, yeah, I just wanted to say that... you know..."

Jim stared at her. He was starting to see two of her, which wasn't good. "Is there a point here, Beesly?" he spit out. It came out harsher than he intended, so he smiled to try and lighten the mood. Really, he just needed to get to bed. They were all supposed to be at work tomorrow morning still.

"Um... well, you know, I'm just sorry about things being weird and all, and I just wanted to let you know, I think things came out okay, you know, overall, I mean - really, the person that looked the worst was probably Michael, don't you think?" She smiled nervously, showing her teeth.

Jim smiled again. "Yeah, pretty much. I felt bad that Michael made you cry. I never knew that's why you--"

"Yeah," Pam said.

"I mean, you know, I thought you had a headache, obviously--"

"Yeah," Pam said, pursing her lips. "I was kind of hoping they wouldn't show that. Sort of embarrassing to cry on the first show, you know?"

Jim nodded. This conversation was probably more than they'd said to each other in two weeks. It felt really good to talk to her. He suddenly felt like he wanted to hold her. It made his chest ache, looking at her. They stared at each other for another moment without saying anything, when Mark suddenly cleared his throat, causing both of them to quickly look at him, and then back at each other.

"Well," Pam said, clasping her hands together, "I suppose you need to get home and sleep..."

"Yeah," Jim said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"And, you know, I need to, uh - try and drag Roy back home and into bed." She grimaced after saying that. Probably a poor choice of words.

Jim was too drunk to notice. Instead, he said, "Well, yeah, then I guess I'll see you tomorrow-?" Before he could think about it, he quickly pulled her into a goodbye hug. At first, she was stiff, but her arms came around his back a second later. He felt her hold on a second longer than necessary.

Jim sighed and let go when his roommate cleared his throat again. When they got out to the car, the first thing Mark said to him was, "I don't know what the hell that was."

"Don't worry about it," Jim said, slumping over in the passenger seat as they made the short drive home.

===

Much to Jim's chagrin, the show had become a surprise summer hit. He was in Stamford now, and Michael had called him to let him know that the network informed him they were going to air twelve episodes over the summer, and then the rest as a mid-season replacement that fall.

Jim also found out that Pam and Roy's wedding was postponed that summer, after Roy's dad ended up in the hospital. Jim felt bad about it - but not really. That almost made him feel worse.

Jim really wanted to know if they'd set another date, but that would require talking to Michael, or someone in the Scranton office, something he really didn't want to do. As it was, when Michael called initially, he'd made an awful comment to the effect of, "Good news - there's still a chance for you, buddy!" On that note, Michael explained that Roy's dad had a heart attack, which had led to the wedding being postponed. Who knew what kind of comments further questioning would prompt?

As it was, his co-workers at Stamford were morbidly curious about his relationship with Pam since he'd transferred and the show had started airing. It became more and more apparent as the weeks went on that his attraction for Pam had been anything but subtle, and due to plenty of clever editing, the show's producers made the most of it. He was amazed, watching even the "early" shows (that was almost two years ago, now) how obvious it was. He wondered why Pam had seemed so surprised when he'd confessed his love to her.

Was she really surprised? Or was she just in denial? He certainly knew he'd felt her returning the kiss on Casino Night. And, she had kissed him at the Dundies, not the other way around. Jim wondered if Michael was going to give Pam the "Longest Engagement Award" again at this year's Dundies since Jim wasn't around to talk him out of it. He'd probably think it was morbidly hilarious, especially since they'd gotten so close to actually getting married this year.

What an asshole Michael could be sometimes.

===

In the past few months, Jim was getting calls almost non-stop from old high school friends, acquaintances, and occasionally, strangers who just wanted to talk about the show. Corporate had mandated a new, strict policy banning any personal calls to and from the office, except in the case of an emergency. That cut down on the majority of the calls, but somehow, his cell phone number must have been leaked, because in one day, he had forty voice mails on his phone, mostly from squealing girls who didn't sound older than sixteen who said how he was "soooo hot, ohmigod."

This certainly wasn't what he imagined when he signed that release form that September afternoon, almost two years ago. Things had been so different back then. Now, he couldn't even go to the grocery store without someone asking, "Hey, aren't you that guy who's on that reality show?"

It wouldn't be so frustrating, except that everyone wanted to know what was going on with Pam. Was it really that obvious?

He was surprised Roy hadn't showed up on his doorstep wielding an ax. That being said, though, he was secretly glad no one except his family, his new boss, and Mark had his new home address. He really didn't want anyone coming over. He just wanted to crawl into a cave until this was all over.

===

Given the way the show had taken off, Jim shouldn't have been surprised when a camera crew showed up at the Stamford office, claiming that they wanted to shoot some footage of him at the new office. They promised they wouldn't take up a lot of time -- they were mainly trying to round out the story; show Jim in his new work environment and see how he was getting along.

"You're a pretty popular guy," Jack Nelson, the cameraman, commented as the sound guy helped Jim hook up his microphone. Everyone in the office was staring at Jim as they prepped him for the camera. Jim smiled sheepishly.

Jim's boss, Josh Porter, came out into the main office, and called everyone into a meeting. He quickly covered the fact that, yes, there would be a camera crew in the office filming for a brief period of time (Josh loudly emphasized "brief" in front of the cameramen, who were filming the meeting), and yes, everyone would need to sign a waiver and non-disclosure agreement for legal purposes.

"Does this mean we're going to be on television?" Donna Brookfield asked. She was a short, stout woman who worked in the accounting department. Jim joked that her brain was the size of a peanut, because everything had to be explained to her twice. She was also obsessed with their reality show. She spent an hour asking Jim questions about the show every week.

Josh looked at the camera crew, and then back at Donna. "Possibly ... I don't know. Look, they're just here to wrap up some stuff with Jim. They're mainly going to be at the Scranton branch."

"I would love to be on TV," Donna said dreamily.

"As I'm sure we all would, but honestly - we need to bring up our productivity. Due to the slow market in this area, we've slipped down to the fourth-out-of-fifth position in the company. We can't afford to waste time. I know Jim knows that, and you all know that, so, you know, let's just do the best we can to get our work done and just pretend like the cameras aren't even there."

The room quickly burst into discussion as everyone speculated about what was going on. Jim rolled his eyes and went back to his desk. He had a presentation to prepare for the following day. He really didn't have time for this.

===

The rest of the summer dragged long. It was a particularly hot and muggy summer, and Jim didn't have much of a social life anymore, living by himself in Stamford, so he spent long hours at the office, and his nights holed up in his tiny apartment, re-watching episodes of their TV show he'd saved on his DVR.

Pam hadn't talked to him at all since he'd left for Stamford. There were a couple brief moments in the beginning when he called to talk to Michael, but she quickly nipped that in the bud by giving him Michael's direct extension. Now he didn't talk to her at all.

He talked to his mom sometimes, who was constantly worried about the state of his love life, especially after watching the show. Jim felt embarrassed talking about it to her, and mostly avoided the topic when she brought it up. He made up stories about girls he was seeing so she wouldn't ask him about it anymore. The truth was, he hadn't been on a single date since moving to Stamford three months ago.

His coworkers, specifically, one of the sales guys, Chris, was always trying to set him up with someone. He made a lot of crude jokes and always talked about how a "deep boning" would solve all his problems. "Nothing like a little beaver for dinner to get your mind off things, you know?"

Jim just ignored him most of the time.

===

One day in early September, Josh called the office staff into an meeting. The grim look on his face told Jim that it probably wasn't going to be good news. Sure enough: "I've just been informed from corporate that they are shutting down this branch."

The room instantly became a wall of noise as everyone turned to each other to discuss the matter. "What about our jobs?" one person shouted out.

Jim heard George, an older guy that worked in Quality Control, groan loudly. "I knew it! I knew we would lose our jobs!"

Josh held his hands up in the air until the room became silent. Everyone looked at him expectantly. "I'm sorry about this, but it's beyond my control. They have decided, due to the exemplary performance of the Scranton branch --"

The room erupted into noise again. "Figures," one person said, "they're only doing good because of that stupid TV show!"

Donna from accounting said, "I don't know why they didn't film us - then we'd still have jobs!"

Josh held his hands up again and waited. He continued: "Not all of you will lose your jobs. I will be meeting with you all individually this afternoon to discuss employment options and-or severance packages. Please be advised that if you are asked to transfer, you will have to relocate. That is all for now."

Jim's head spun as he processed this news. This branch was closing? They were merging with the Scranton branch? Would he still have a job? Or more important, still - would he still want his job if he had it? Did he really want to go back to Scranton? Could he?

===

Two hours later, Josh called Jim into his office. Jim walked in, closing the door after himself after Josh motioned for him to do so. He sat down in front of Josh's desk and tried to swallow the large lump that had developed in his throat. He certainly didn't want to lose his job, but he really didn't want to go back to Scranton, either.

"I don't want to keep you wondering," Josh said, "so I'll just let you know now -- your job is safe. Michael specifically stated to me that he was interested in having you come back if you want the position."

Josh really didn't know much about what had transpired back at the Scranton branch. He didn't watch the documentary. When Jim interviewed for the position and met with Jan and Josh, he stated that he was interested in the transferring because it was a step up on the company ladder. That was a reason any manager could understand. Who didn't want to move up?

For so long, Jim had avoided taking the step to move up in his career. He hadn't transferred to Stamford because of ambition. He'd transferred because Pam had said "no." And now they wanted him to go back to the very thing he'd been running from?

Josh continued: "Of course, Dunder-Mifflin would pay for your moving expenses, and you'd have an additional week of paid vacation time to get re-settled."

"Are there any other salespeople moving back to Scranton?" Jim asked. He thought about the three other people he worked with.

"We have one additional opening at Scranton, yes. I haven't met with him yet, but we're going to make the offer to Eric."

Eric Johnson was the only salesperson that Jim really got along with in Stamford. They got along because Eric didn't ask him a lot about his personal life. They just worked together. He was a decent salesman, too.

"I see," Jim said. "Can I have a little bit to think about it?"

"I suppose," Josh said. "We're really trying to get everything taken care of today. If you're not interested, I'll need to know as soon as possible." Josh paused for a moment, considering Jim. "Is it because of the cameras?" Josh asked him. "Is that why you're not sure about going back?"

Jim looked at him. "Yeah," he said. It was really only a half-lie. "It's just ... it's hard to get work done when they're around all the time. I don't know. I mean..."

"If it makes you feel any better, they're transferring me to Scranton as well," Josh said.

Jim's eyes grew wide. Michael and Josh in the same office? Their management styles were so completely opposite - he wondered how that was ever going to work out. Maybe Michael...? His thought trailed off.

"Is Michael still going to be working there?" Jim asked. For a moment, Jim actually felt worried for Michael. It wasn't just like he'd bounce back. This job was Michael's life.

"Yeah," Josh said. Jim thought he saw Josh roll his eyes. "They're converting the office space so we can accommodate everyone. With the rapid increase in sales due to the television show, I guess they decided that Scranton needed two managers. So, yeah." Josh smiled tersely at Jim.

Obviously, he wasn't keen about the idea of sharing an office with Michael. Interesting.

"Yeah, just give me a few hours," Jim said. He got up and walked out.

===

Jim took his lunch at that point. He left the office and went out to a local deli to get a sandwich so he could think about everything by himself. He really didn't know how he felt about going back to Scranton. He really wasn't interested in having to sit in that office every day and look at Pam. Still engaged (maybe married?) She probably still wouldn't talk to him. Still, could it be any worse than working here? Having no social life, spending all his nights re-watching the moments of his life past, wondering if there was any way he could have done it differently?

At least if he went back to Scranton, he'd actually see her again, even if she wouldn't talk to him.

Maybe they could even pretend things were normal again. He could just tell her to forget he said anything to her. At least then he wouldn't be so empty. So lonely.

At least in Scranton, he knew people. He had friends to distract himself.

He'd also be back on camera, while they recorded the minute details of his train-wreck love life.

He could always just work there for a while until he found something different. Something local, but not Dunder-Mifflin.

Sure.

===

When he got back to the office, he noticed Josh's office door was open. Jim walked in. "I'll take the position."

===

Jim really didn't feel nervous about coming back into the office until he walked through the glass doors, and immediately saw a camera trained on his face. He smiled quickly at it, and saw the cameraman turn around to face Pam, who was sitting at her desk, concentrating very intently on her computer screen. Jim glanced at her as he walked by, then back at the camera. Great.

Dwight was smirking at him as he sat down at his desk. There was a large, what looked like hand-made card sitting on his desk with the words, "Welcome back, Jim." He opened it up and saw everyone in the office signed it, including Pam. She'd drawn a little picture next to her name - it was a cartoon drawing of him. He smiled, and looked up at her, but she was still concentrating on her computer screen. Jim quickly looked away as he saw the camera watching him.

Damn. They already knew exactly what to look for. It was going to be really hard not to look at her all the time.

He turned to Dwight, giving him a look. "What are you smiling about?"

"Oh, I don't know," Dwight said. "I just think it's amusing that the branch you got promoted to ended up shutting down. And now you're back here." Dwight glanced at Pam, and then back at him. "I bet you didn't know that Pam broke up with Roy."

Jim looked surprised for a split-second, then he remembered. "No, I didn't." He tried to appear disinterested by unpacking some items onto his desk.

"Are you going to try and make a move on her now that she's single?"

Jim looked up at Dwight, annoyed. He noticed the camera was watching their conversation. "No," Jim said, annoyed. He went back to what he was doing.

"Everyone knows that you liked her. There's whole communities on the Internet about how you were in love with her. People write fanfiction about you."

"Fan-what? Just -- shut up, Dwight," Jim snapped, and got up. He went to the break room to get a cup of coffee.

This was not happening. He was not going to be able to work in this environment. It was bad enough that Pam didn't even want to talk to him, but now Dwight was making fun of him! What next?

"Jiiiiiiimmmmay... Jimarino! Jim-man!"

Oh, Lord.

Michael bound into the break room with his "World's Best Boss" mug. "Fill me up, my man!" he said, holding the mug out proudly. Jim filled his cup. He beamed at Jim. "Did you know that I had an article written about me in Small Businessman Monthly last month?"

"Uh, no... I didn't."

"Yeah, it was about our successes here, the TV show, they even had me come to New York to do a photo shoot."

"Wow," Jim said. He really wasn't interested.

"I have a few extra copies. I bought fifty issues, so... yeah. I'll leave one on your desk."

"Great," Jim said.

"Welcome back, buddy!"

===

The day was a bit chaotic as all the new staff moved in and everyone became acquainted with their areas and new positions. Jim regained some of his old clients, but was now given a list of new ones that they'd gained since the airing of the show. The conference room had been transferred into Michael's new office (he insisted on getting the bigger room) and Josh was moved into Michael's old office. They had picked up some extra office space in the building to use as their new conference area. All the desks in the office were filled, a few new ones had been added, and the office was bustling.

Michael came to the front of the office. "Attention, everyone! Quick meeting in the new conference room! Pam, put the phones to voice mail. C'mon, quickly, now."

Everyone filed out the front door into the new office / conference room space. Even with a bigger, new conference room, it was crowded. Their office had suddenly gotten a lot bigger. The camera crew was squeezed into a corner in the front of the room.

Jim glanced over at Pam, who was seated two seats away from him. He caught her looking at him, but she quickly looked away. He couldn't believe she'd broken up with Roy. Was she mad at him? Jim wondered why she hadn't called him. Was she afraid he would say something like, "I told you so?" So many thoughts had been running through his head since he'd heard that news. He didn't know what to think.

He found himself stealing glances at her every few seconds.

Michael was standing at the front of the room, next to a printed out sign that said, "Dunder-Mifflin Scranton is Family." He pressed play on a CD player, which belted out "We Are Family" for about two minutes. Michael turned it off abruptly. "Welcome, everyone. I want to introduce myself - for those that don't me, I am Michael Scott!" He smiled brightly, first at the crowd, and then at the camera. "I am the Regional Manager for this very successful Dunder-Mifflin branch, and I'm happy that you've all had the privilege of coming to work here.

"I want you to know that I am a friend first, and a boss second. So if there's ever anything you need to talk about... well, my door is open." Sitting on a seat next to him, Josh Porter cleared his throat. "Ah, yes --" Michael said, looking down at Josh. He motioned to him. "Working under me --"

"With you," Josh interrupted.

"Err, with me, but you know, as a secondary manager here, is the former manager of the downsized Stamford branch, Josh Porter."

Everyone clapped as Josh stood up. "Thanks, everyone. I am here in a regional manager capacity as well. You all know that things have been pretty busy here, and we want to keep things as productive as possible, especially with so many people working in this office, we all need to work together and cooperatively. Michael and I will be working together, sharing responsibilities - I expect you all to do the same, be respectful, get to know each other, because we're all going to be working in close quarters."

"So make sure you wear your deodorant --- Creed," Michael said. Everyone turned to look at Creed, who was looking back at Michael with his mouth open.

"What?" he asked.

"Never mind," Michael said, "let's all just ... get back to work."

===

The day seemed like it took forever. The best moment of the day happened when Jim figured out how to lock the wheels on Dwight's chair and Dwight fell over trying to roll the chair backwards. Angela as the safety officer, demanded to inspect his head after he fell. "You've already had one concussion," she said, bending over him. It seemed like she spent a little too much time "inspecting him." That part was actually kind of creepy.

When the end of the day rolled around, Jim waited until most of the office had left. He got up and went over to Pam's desk.

"Hi," he said, looking down at her. He stood up straight, resisting the urge to bend over the countertop like he usually did. He knew the camera was watching them.

"Hey," she said, looking up at him, but then quickly looking back down again. He watched as she nervously repositioned the Post-it notes and pens on her desk.

"Look, I really ... want to talk."

Pam sighed lightly. She didn't look at him. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

Jim continued to stare at her, and finally, she looked up at him. She saw the pleading look in his face.

"I mean, the cameras are everywhere, and I've been getting really nasty e-mails and letters sent me to and, I mean, you know, we have to monitor all our calls now, and --"

"I know," Jim said. "Dwight told me there's this stuff called fanfiction, and they write stuff about us -- I mean, you know, the people here--"

"I know," Pam said. "Dwight printed some out for me. Some of it's really nasty." She paused for a moment. "I mean, don't they know that we're real people? We have feelings, and it's not always easy..." She pressed her lips together, and looked away.

Jim nodded. "I just ... will you come meet me somewhere? Just ... to talk?"

Pam looked at him, trepidation in her face. "I …"

"I mean, we haven't talked in months... and, you know, it's weird." He smiled at her, teeth and all, and she couldn't help but smile back.

"Okay," she said. He watched her as she wrote something quickly onto a piece of paper, folded it up and handed it to him. "That's my new cell phone number," she whispered to him. "No one except my family has that number."

Jim smiled to himself as he walked out the door, not saying anything more. The camera followed him until he got into his car, smiling the entire way.

===

They ended up meeting at a restaurant called Cooper's Seafood House in Scranton. It was an older restaurant with tall, black vinyl and wood booths. Jim felt like they might be able to hide out in one of the booths -- plus, they had excellent crab legs, which was just what he needed tonight.

As he waited in the parking lot for her to arrive, he realized he wasn't sure what car she would be driving. She and Roy had always driven to work together, and in all the time they worked together, he never knew whether she had her own car or not. She must have gotten one now, he thought. He watched carefully as the cars pulled into the lot, looking for her face. Finally, about five minutes after the time they'd agreed to meet up, he saw her pull into the lot in a late model maroon Saturn.

She parked the car, and as soon as he saw her get out, he got out as well, meeting her at the sidewalk coming up to the building.

"Hey," he said, touching her arm.

It almost looked like she blushed as they walked up to the restaurant together. He noticed she had changed from her usual skirt and button-down shirt into a pair of slim black dress pants and a scoop-neck top. Her hair was pulled back as usual, but she'd pulled a few stands out on the side so they framed her face. She was wearing lip-gloss, and he detected a faint flowery scent on her. She must have put on perfume.

Nice.

He smiled at her as he opened the door to the restaurant, gesturing for her to go ahead.

It was a Monday night, so the restaurant wasn't overly crowded. The hostess's face immediately lit up upon seeing Jim and Pam's faces. "Oh ... my ... God... you guys are from the The Office ... you're Jim and Pam... oh my God."

Pam's face immediately went from pink to bright red in a matter of seconds. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," she mumbled to Jim, about to turn around.

Jim grabbed her arm, surprising both himself and her with the force of his grip. He immediately loosened his hand, but still held onto her. "Stay," he said through gritted teeth. He turned to the hostess and smiled. "Um... yeah," he said, "and we'd really like a table in the most private area possible." While he was saying that, he pulled out his wallet and handed twenty dollars to the hostess.

She smiled brightly, barely able to contain her excitement. "Oh my God, okay," she whispered. "Like - are you guys dating now?"

Jim really wanted to tell the girl that it was none of her business, but really - their private lives had pretty much become public business these days now that the show had taken off. He breathed deeply, still holding Pam's arm. "No," he said, letting go of Pam. "We're friends."

"Oh," the girl said, looking between the two of them. "Okay." She grabbed two menus and brought them to the back corner of the restaurant, where they sat in a booth.

After she left, Jim said, "I bet she can't wait to go home and write about that on her Myspace tonight."

Pam smirked, despite herself. "Oh, the internet will be buzzing tonight..."

===

They didn't really have any real conversation the first twenty minutes they were there. Jim asked her about what sorts of things happened after he left, Pam asked him what he thought about Stamford and the co-workers he'd brought back with him. He didn't ask her about the wedding that didn't happen, or why they broke up.

Jim had an idea why. Anyone with a brain could tell from watching the show that Jim was interested in Pam. And that maybe ... she had feelings for him, too. He guessed that Roy probably noticed that as well.

Pam had never told Jim she didn't have feelings for him -- just that she had been with Roy "too long to break up with him." That was what killed Jim. It was more like a resignation. She had been too scared to change. Too scared to move on. Even when it was so obvious it wasn't working. Maybe then - Roy had done it for her? He wondered about that.

Almost like she was reading his thoughts, Pam said, "I know you want to know why Roy and I broke up."

Jim was pretty sure he knew why it happened. The real question was how it had happened.

At least, he hoped he knew why. He took a large gulp of water, unable to speak. Finally, he said, "Why?"

Pam looked away, and then back at him. "Roy and I watched the show together - for the first few times. But then he started to get mad about it. He said it made him look like a jerk."

Too bad it's because he is a jerk, Jim thought. "Yeah?" he said instead.

"That, and he couldn't stand the fact that it looked like you had feelings for me. He kept commenting about how much we hung out together; how you were always at my desk, how we flirted too much, and maybe ... you know, maybe ... he thought, maybe I had feelings for you, too."

Jim raised his eyebrows at her, but said nothing.

She licked her lips. "So, yeah... after that, we didn't watch any more shows together. But then, I guess, when he'd go out to the bar, he'd get all these people making comments to him. And then we started getting nasty mail. And e-mails. And phone calls. And we fought. A lot." She stopped for a minute, running her hands through the back of her hair.

Jim was fascinated by watching her do that. He wanted so badly just to reach out and touch that hair himself. And hold her tightly. And tell her how much he was in love with her. But he just stared at her with his large, brown-hazel eyes. He crooked his head to one side as he looked at her.

"One day, the arguments got so bad, he pulled out a bunch of glasses from the cabinet and started breaking them. There was glass everywhere. He was so ... frustrated. We were yelling a lot. I got really upset. But I realized at that moment ... that it wasn't right. That we couldn't live like that. That he wasn't the person I fell in love with so many years ago. That we'd almost gotten married, but here we were - back in perpetual engagement and maybe ... maybe I really didn't want to be married to him, and I guess, more importantly, maybe I didn't have to be married to him." She looked up at Jim, her eyes shining and moist. "I was so afraid of what would happen if Roy found out, if he saw... everything... I just kept going on like nothing was wrong..."

Jim quickly reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "What do you mean, 'found out?'" he asked. He was pretty sure he knew what Pam meant, but he wanted to hear her say it.

"That... what I said to you, back in May... when I told you I couldn't ... that I was wrong." She phrased it like a question. "I ... I do have feelings for you, Jim. I have for a long time, I just -- I couldn't tell you. I couldn't even tell myself, I didn't want to admit it, but once the show came out and everything was there -- it was there, and it was so obvious, and ... I didn't know what you were going to say, we haven't talked for so long and I was so afraid..."

Jim squeezed her hand tightly as she put the napkin up to her face to wipe her eyes and cheeks, now spilling over with tears.

"I'm sorry," she said through the napkin. "I'm so embarrassed."

She tried to let go of Jim's hand, but he put his other hand over hers, staring at her until she looked at him again. "Don't be sorry," he said. "I... I don't know what to say right now." He grinned, and she smiled back. They looked at each other for a minute, not saying anything. "All I did was think about you the entire time I was in Stamford."

"Me too," Pam said.

"You thought about you?" Jim asked, making her laugh. It lightened the mood.

"No, I thought about you. And... I don't want to really jump into anything right away, but I don't want to lose you. Again."

Jim looked at her tenderly. "I'll do whatever you want me to do. Anything. I love you, Pam."

His gaze at her was so intense, she had to look down so she wouldn't start crying again. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for understanding."

Jim patted her hand, and went back to finishing his plate of crab legs, which had now gone cold. Cold, perhaps -- but totally worth it.

Just then, a young girl, probably about thirteen, bound up to them, practically screaming. "WOW! I cannot believe it, you guys are totally Jim and Pam, aren't you? I've never met a celebrity before, I can't believe it's you, can I get your autograph? Wow, this is so cool!" She thrust a cloth napkin at Jim as well as a pen. Jim looked at Pam, shrugging as he signed the napkin, and handed it across the table. "You guys are the greatest, I just love the show ... hey ... wait... are you guys dating now?"

Jim looked at Pam again, and then noticed the waitress coming their way. "Check, please!" he called out to her.

===

END

Comments are welcome and appreciated.
Chapter 2: Publicity Matters by GreenFish
Author's Notes:

The bigger your show, the bigger your publicity.  Our folks at Dunder-Mifflin have a hard time learning how to deal with the spotlight, and the delay of television.  Follow up to "Bigger than Big Brother." 

The media outlets had a standing agreement with Dunder-Mifflin corporate. Any and all promotions, interviews, shoots, and/or anything else that might take the Dunder-Mifflin staff away from the office had to be done on Fridays only. Corporate had made the generous concession that every Dunder-Mifflin employee would receive five additional paid days for publicity purposes, under the condition that the publicity: a) mentioned Dunder Mifflin, b) was not obscene or generally offensive (i.e., no nudity, no crass language) and c) was always completed on a Friday. In addition to getting the paid day off, most of the staff received payment from the various media outlets for their appearances, whether it was in perks (free travel) or actual dollars and cents.No one had too much cause to argue about it, except for Angela, who felt that most media outlets were a part of the "left-wing degradation of today's society" and pretty much refused to have any part of it. (She did, incidentally, appear for an interview in Cat Fancy and Christianity Today, but those were her stout and only exceptions.)

Now that the show had taken off in popularity and new episodes were set to release in another month, they were receiving calls almost daily. To handle this new stream of appointments and opportunities, Jan Levinson had hired a publicist for the Scranton branch that would handle all their appointments, set up photo shoots, take phone calls and decide who said what when and where.

Because there was a delay between what episodes the public had seen and actual time lapsed, all the employees at the Scranton branch were set to strict confidentiality. The last episode that had aired in mid-August was called "The Fire." That involved the incident where Ryan had accidentally set the toaster oven in the kitchen to "bake" instead of "toast" and inadvertently started a fire in the building. The office had spent most of the morning outside playing question games to pass the time while Dwight had moped about Michael liking "the Temp" better.

At the time, Jim had been dating Katy, and Pam was still engaged to Roy. As far as the general public knew, both couples were still together. In reality, things had actually taken quite a turn in the opposite direction. Almost ironically so.

That was the main reason why Jim was so nervous about meeting at the office at 7 AM that Friday morning to go to a publicity photo shoot in New York City. According to their publicist, Patty, it would be Jim, Pam, Roy, Katy, Ryan, and Kelly all heading up to New York that day. The magazine was sending a limo, so they would all be taking the two-and-a-half hour ride together.

What Jim was not aware of, was the fact that sometime in-between the falling out between Roy and Pam, and his coming back to Scranton, Katy and Roy had actually started seeing each other. He found this out when he walked into the warehouse that morning to see Katy and Roy making out.

"Whoa!" Jim said, louder than he meant to.

They both looked over at him, at first surprised, but then with something of a knowing smirk. Kind of like when you walked by the cool kids table in high school and they gave you that look. That, "what are you looking at?" look. Jim swallowed.

"So," he said, noticing his voice starting to crack. He cleared his throat. "Er... so you two are dating now, huh?"

Roy shrugged, and slung his arm around Katy. Katy raised her eyebrows at Jim. She said: "Well, you know -- Roy and I have a lot more in common than you and I did." She shrugged as well.

Jim started to roll his eyes, then stopped himself. He glanced at the door, as if willing for someone else -- anyone else -- to walk through. No one did. "Yeah," he said tersely. "Guess so."

Jim went over to the side and sat down on a pile of paper boxes. He glanced over at Katy and Roy, who still had their hands all over each other. He had to admit, there probably wasn't a more perfect match in the world (the cheerleader and the football player -- c'mon). It still didn't stop the pang of jealousy that hit him. He remembered the time when he was dating Katy. It hadn't been a long relationship -- maybe about five months -- during which time they were only seriously seeing each other for about three months. Still, the sex had been good. It was about the only good thing in that relationship.

She was boring, vapid, unfunny, and talked about things he had no interest in - like what was going on with Brad Pitt and Angela Jolie, or why didn't she have Mischa Barton's body? -- whoever the hell that was. He tried to tell her about the silly things that happened at the office that day, but she was never interested in hearing about it. She commented once that he really seemed to talk about Pam a lot. After that, Jim never talked about the office, or Pam, for that matter. She was usually the one that brought it up -- always when they were around Pam and Roy. "Oh, look how cute they are," and "That is so great for them." Usually he just wanted to tell her to shut the hell up.

Instead, he just ignored her, or distracted her by kissing her on the neck, or touching her hand, or stroking her leg. As soon as the attention was back to herself, she forgot all about Pam and Roy, which was all Jim needed.

So, yeah, the sex was a welcome distraction from everything else he despised about Katy. She had a great body, and really knew what to do with it. He'd heard a few rumors that she'd "gotten around," but at that point, he didn't really care, because he was pretty much just using her for sex, anyway.

It was a horrible thought, actually. He'd never been the kind of guy that would date a girl just to have sex with her, but honestly -- the whole Pam thing was driving him to all sorts of extreme measures.

Their break-up on the Booze Cruise had been awful. By the time they got back on shore, Katy insisted on taking a cab home, and they hadn't talked since. She hadn't even asked for her underwear back. (The purple and pink satin thongs from Victoria's Secret that she'd left at his place.) He ended up burning them in the fireplace a few weeks later.

Today, she looked just as good as ever: she was wearing a mint-green terry-cloth jogging suit that fit her body in all the right places with a thin, white camisole underneath that showed just the right amount of cleavage. Man, that girl was all about the cleavage. She knew exactly how to show it off and she did so on a consistent basis. Jim had never gotten as many stares from other guys as when he was with Katy.

Roy wasn't looking too bad, himself. He had lost a lot of weight since he and Pam had broken up, and was now sporting a full beard, which, strangely, suited him. He wondered if they were going to make him shave it for the photo shoot or if they'd just leave it. Roy was in his usual uniform of jeans and a t-shirt. Katy must have been shopping for him, though, because it wasn't one of the ratty sports T-shirts Jim had seen him wear to various parties they'd both attended. It was a plain, heather gray t-shirt with a thin neck collar. He glanced down at Roy's feet and saw he was wearing new black shoes. Seeing that made Jim smile, but feel sad at the same time. Pam never could have gotten Roy to go shopping with her. And never to buy something that like. Weird.

Just then, Pam walked through the door to the warehouse. She glanced quickly at Roy and Katy, who were involved in an intimate conversation. They both glanced quickly at her as she walked by, but kept talking to one another, ignoring her completely. Pam looked at Jim with wide eyes and made a beeline for him.

He smiled as he watched her approach. Her outfit was much simpler: she had on a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt that said FDNY in large navy letters, and her lightweight pink trench coat. And, of course, her white Keds. Her hair was pulled back in its usual style, and she looked adorable. Jim could not have been happier to see her.

"Thank God you're here," he hissed to her as she got within earshot.

She sat down next to him, glancing over at Katy and Roy again, and then back at him. "What is going on?" she asked, her eyes still wide with shock.

"Well," he said, leaning into her, "apparently, Roy and Katy are seeing each other now...?" He looked at her with his trademark-puzzled expression.

Her jaw dropped at him. "Are you kidding me?" she whispered, looking at them again. They were also stealing glances at Jim and Pam, and laughing to themselves. It was like the "cool kids" versus "the dorks" in the cafeteria. It made Jim uncomfortable.

Jim shrugged, eager to change the subject. "So," he said. "Are you excited about this shoot?"

She smiled widely at him. "I don't know. I've never done anything like this before. I mean, we've had our pictures taken at work, but you know, that's in the office, with our regular clothes, and -- hey -- do you think we'll get to wear new clothes and they'll do our make-up and hair?"

Jim gave her an incredulous look. "Of course!" he said, grinning back at her. "Although, I don't know, Beesly, do you think you'll be able to handle wearing an outfit that's worth more than three month's rent?"

"I don't know..." she said, smiling at him.

They had been instructed by Patty to wear "comfortable clothing" that morning and to keep any styling to a minimum. Pam had just washed her hair and after scrunching it out, let it air dry. That was her usual routine, for the most part, but today, she didn't put any mousse in her hair. As a result, the curls were more relaxed. Jim liked the way her hair felt that day. He ran his fingers through the back of her head, rubbing the nape of her neck. She hit his arm, but no one could see what he was doing. He winked at her, and moved his arm away.

The warehouse door opened again, and the stream of conversation was fast and almost indecipherable. "So, like, I said to Kristi, we totally need to do this again some time, because Ian is a totally cool guy and I'm so glad she's dating him, but you know, it's hard for us all to go out together because Ian works nights and you know, but maybe just Kristi could come and hang out, you know, when we're all just hanging out, and we could hang out..."

It was Kelly, who had Ryan with her. As soon as Ryan spotted Jim and Pam, his eyes grew wide. It was his typical, "Save me," expression. There were at least a dozen of these exchanged with Jim or other various co-workers at points throughout any given workday, whether it be due to Kelly talking his ear off incessantly, or Michael making yet another pseudo-erotic comment to him.

Jim kind of thought that Ryan got himself into these situations, but problems involving Michael were almost unavoidable. Kelly, on the other hand...

"How's it going, Ryan? Kelly?" Jim stood up quickly and reached Ryan halfway, patting him on the arm.

Unfortunately, before Ryan could respond, Kelly quickly started up again. "Oh my God, Jim, are you just so excited about this like I am? Do you think we'll see any celebrities when we're in New York? Oh my God, I've never been in a magazine before; I can't believe we got picked to be in GQ magazine, that is sooo cool, even though it'd be even cooler if we were in Elle, or Vogue, or Cosmopolitan, oh my God, I love Cosmopolitan, I always take their quizzes..."

"Hey, so do I," Katy said, causing Kelly to actually stop for a minute to look at her.

"That is so cool," she said to Katy, looking at her, and then at Roy, sitting next to her. It took her a second, then: "Oh my God, you guys are totally dating, aren't you? That is crazy, I can't believe it, especially since Jim used to date you, and Roy used to be engaged to Pam, weird..." She trailed off suddenly, looking back at Jim and Pam. She must have realized that pointing that out would be somewhat uncomfortable. Or maybe not, because then she said to Jim and Pam: "Hey, you guys aren't dating, are you?"

Jim blushed for a moment. At first, he didn't know how to respond to that. He had only been back in the Scranton office for just over a week, and they hadn't really discussed their relationship in any real depth. In fact, due to the fact that they were trying to keep things under wraps, they had only gotten together twice in the last week, at Jim's new apartment. He decided to play the safe route: "No, we're just friends."

Pam looked at him in relief. They had sort of agreed that they were going to try and keep their relationship private for as long as possible, which meant not only the general public, but the office as well. It was the latter that would prove to be the true challenge, he knew. No one could keep secrets in that office.

"Wow, that's weird," Kelly said, "because we all totally thought you'd get together..."

Jim shrugged, and so did Pam.

"I mean, how funny would that be -- you and Pam, Ryan and I, Roy and Katy -- totally..." She stopped talking when she noticed the look that Ryan was giving her.

Jim couldn't help but smile, though. He held back the urge to start laughing. Before, it would have just made him angry when Kelly said something so completely inappropriate, but now, he just didn't care. Who cared about anything now that he had Pam?

He looked at Pam, and she was holding back a smile as well. It was going to be so hard to keep this secret from everyone.

===

Not long after they all arrived, Patty burst through the warehouse door. She was a short, curvy woman with super-bright red hair (the type you instantly knew was dyed) and always had on bright red lipstick and Christian Dior sunglasses. She carried a Hermes purse with a scarf tied onto it, and usually wore outfits that were slightly outrageous. Today was no exception: she was wearing a gold-trimmed denim blazer with a gold lame shirt underneath and a long, black pencil skirt that flared out at the bottom and made her ass stick out more than usual. On her feet were gold-tone, high-heel shoes ("Jimmy Choos!") Jim only knew what types of accessories she always wore because Kelly mentioned them to him every time Jim saw her -- in the break room -- at lunch -- in meetings -- on the way out of the warehouse... Jim probably knew more about the outfits that Patty wore than he knew about his own.

Patty had a very short temperament and believed that everything they were doing needed to be done faster. True to form, she started in on them right away: "Chop-chop, everyone, the limo's outside, we're already fifteen minutes late, and in this morning traffic, we're never going to make it to Manhattan before ten, which will be a disaster. Let's go, everyone!"

When they stepped outside, they saw the limo the magazine had provided: a huge, stretch Hummer limo.

"Holy shit," Roy said.

Roy had wanted to get a Hummer limo for the wedding, but they'd ruled it out in the end because it would have been too much money. It didn't matter now, since they'd never gotten married. And now, they were riding in one to New York City!

Everyone "oohed" and "ahhed" as they got into the huge limo. Pam had never been in a limo before. Either had Roy. They had wanted to get one for prom, but instead, one of their friend's parents lent their BMW for the weekend, so Pam and Roy had shared a ride to prom in that. Up to that point, it was the nicest car Pam had ever been in.

This one definitely took the cake.

Jim had been in a limo for his sister's wedding, but it was just a regular Lincoln stretch limo, and not even one of the newer models. It had been an older model with cheesy gold-framed mirrors and glassware that was frosted from too much washing in hard water.

This was completely different. It was huge, for one, with a bar area on one side of the limo and a flat-screen TV that hung down from the ceiling. MTV was playing on the television. The seats were made of comfortable, thick leather that you sunk down into when you sat in them, and the ceiling was a strange combination of mirror and fiber-optic lights that gave the interior a surreal feel. The windows were deeply tinted, and you couldn't see inside at all when you were standing outside of the car.

Even Ryan had to comment: "This is pretty sweet."

Patty explained that she would be sitting up front with the driver, so if they needed anything, they could just roll down the partition and ask. She emphasized the fact that they needed to be alert and ready to go once they got there, and that it would be a long day. "Also, if you guys are nervous, there's some champagne and orange juice to help you relax, so help yourselves. This is all compliments of the magazine. She winked at them as she was shutting the door. "Enjoy it while you can!"

"Wow," Jim said as the front doors shut and they started rolling. "This really is pretty amazing."

"I know," Pam said. "I've never been in a limo like this."

"You've never been in a limo at all," Roy shot out from across the car.

"Yeah, well, either have you," she shot back at him, folding her arms across her chest.

"Seriously," Ryan said, breaking the tension. "It's pointless for us to argue. We're getting a free ride to New York, we've got free champagne -- what are we waiting for?"

===

Five minutes later, Kelly was pouring mimosas for everyone, all the while noticing that the magazine had provided them with Veuve Clicquot Yellow Label Champagne ("This is like, fifty dollars a bottle!")

Everyone had settled in and was sipping their champagne when Katy said, "I think we should play a game."

Jim immediately sat up. "I don't know if that's a good idea..."

"Why not?" Roy asked. "We've got a two-and-a-half hour drive. We have to kill the time somehow. What else are we going to do?"

Everyone looked at each other and shrugged. Jim spoke up again: "Well, what are you thinking about?"

Katy smiled. It was a cunning smile, and he knew there was nothing good about to come out of her mouth. "I was thinking... truth or dare."

Pam was the one who interjected this time. "Oh, no," she said. "We are definitely not playing that. It always just leads to trouble, and I mean, honestly --" She looked at Katy, straight on. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

Katy didn't answer that. Instead, Kelly interjected: "How about 'Would You Rather?'"

Everyone in the car pretty much agreed that would be more acceptable, so they started in on a game of that.

===

They had already gone through two-and-a-half bottles of champagne, and the game of "Would You Rather" had turned a bit raunchy. Kelly was asking Jim: "Okay, okay -- would you rather have sex with Michael, or Todd Packer?"

"God, neither," Jim said, pretending to gag. He nearly spilled his drink doing so. Pam was laughing hysterically next to him. She was already buzzed, apparently. Jim smiled at her.

"You have to chose one!" Kelly said. "That's the rule!"

"Well, if I had to choose one, I guess it'd have to be Michael, because he has shown a few redeeming qualities... and Michael doesn't have a head that looks like a butt plug."

Roy started laughing out loud. "How would you know what a butt plug looks like, Halpert?"

"My roommate is flaming. He's shown he all his toys." Jim shrugged.

"What?" Roy asked. "Really?"

"No, not really," Jim said, starting to laugh. Everyone else in the limo cracked up as well, except for Roy, who looked puzzled for a moment.

"Jim's roommate has a girlfriend!" Pam said, giggling uncontrollably.

Roy shook his head. Kelly said: "Okay, Jim, it's your turn."

Jim thought for a moment and smiled. "Hm, all right -- Roy."

Roy looked up in surprise.

"Royyyy..." he drew out his name, his mouth pursed into an "o" shape. "Would you rather... make out with Angela in front of the entire office, including Dwight, or ... play strip poker with Madge?"

"Who's Angela again?" Roy asked.

Jim smirked. "Oh, you know - that 'tight-ass blonde Christian chick' that works in our office." Jim was smiling, but stopped when he turned to Pam and saw the look on her face. He realized he probably shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have asked the question at all, but Roy went on like nothing weird had ever happened.

"Oh - oh, yeah," he said, "the one who I picked in 'Who Would You Do,' right?"

He really was as dumb as a box of rocks. Jim couldn't help but sneak a smile again. "Oh, yeah, that's the one," he said, not looking at Pam. This isn't about you, Pam, he thought to himself. You're not with him anymore.

"Totally - make out with Angela. She's kind of hot."

Katy hit him on the arm, then, hard. "Hey!" she said, making a face at him.

Jim ignored Katy. "And ignore the wrath of Dwight -- interesting," he said.

"What does that mean?" Roy asked.

Obviously: he had no idea of the various romances and politics of their office. Jim should have known Pam hadn't been telling him about that kind of stuff.

"Dwight and Angela are totally dating," Kelly said. "Duh - everyone knows that. It's totally creepy, and stuff."

Ryan didn't interject anything, but studied everyone with a certain sense of fascination. It was nice to not be the center of awkward attention for once.

"That guy is a wimp. I could totally beat him up," Roy said. He looked right at Jim. "You know?" It was almost like he was challenging Jim to admit that he was the true cause of his break-up with Pam, so he could tell Jim he'd beat him up, too.

Jim just nodded. "Dwight is a brown-belt, though."

"Yeah, but Michael beat him up!" Kelly said, giggling. "Roy... it's your turn."

"Hm," Roy said, looking around the limo, then settling him eyes on Pam. She turned white. "Pam," he said. Roy looked at her with an intensity Jim had never seen before. "Would you rather ..." There was a long pause. Jim watched Roy closely. He wondered if he was debating whether to ask that question. Jim or Roy? Which would you rather have?

Katy looked at Roy. "What's the question?"

"Um," Roy said. He shook his head, and then said, "Okay, Pam -- would you rather make out with Katy, or Kelly?"

She laughed at the question, mostly in relief. "Kelly," she said instantly, and turned to Katy, her eyes going wide. "No offense, of course, I know Kelly, and it would probably be less weird." She looked at Kelly. "At least, I think it would."

Kelly giggled. "It'd still be weird, kind of."

"I'd put twenty dollars on that," Ryan said. Everyone turned to look at him. He hadn't said anything since his last turn almost twenty minutes ago.

"Is that a bet?" Jim asked, gesturing like he was going for his wallet. Pam slapped his arm.

"No!" she said, yanking at it.

"I've got twenty dollars that says Pam won't do it," Roy said, actually reaching into his back pocket for his wallet.

"Oh, stop it," Katy said, hitting Roy's arm.

"I'm in," Jim said, grinning. "Kiss, kiss, kiss..." he chanted, shaking his right fist in front of him.

Pam looked at Jim, pleading. Someone must have been listening (a higher power, perhaps?), because the partition rolled down at that moment, and Patty's voice boomed through the limo. "We're stopping at McDonald's if anyone needs a bathroom break or anything else. Last stop before the city."

"I need to go," Pam said, almost bolting for the door as soon as the limo stopped.

Jim grinned at Ryan as they all piled out of the limo. "So close..." Jim said.

===

By the time they got back into the limo, no one was interested in playing games anymore. Kelly started reading an US magazine, Pam started listening to music on her Prism DuroSport, Roy and Katy snuggled up together (Jim immediately noticed Pam staring intensely out the window once she'd noticed that), and Ryan and Jim turned the TV so they could see what was on. "Do you think we can get ESPN on this?" Ryan asked.

"I don't know; the Eagles have a preseason game today that I really wanted to check out," Jim said.

Ryan found a remote and they started flipping.

"This is about the coolest thing I've ever done -- watched TV while riding in a ridiculously large limo." Jim grinned. "Can't complain."

"Seriously," Ryan said.

The ride into the city took about another forty-five minutes. The limousine dropped them off in front of the Conde Nast building on 42nd street in New York. It was an impressive concrete and glass building that stretched forty-eight stories high (according to Patty, anyway). The glass windows on the upper floors were reflective and mirrored the surrounding buildings. Everyone stepped out and immediately looked up in awe. Everyone, that was, except for Patty, who told them that they didn't have time to stand and gawk - they were running late.

The lobby was two stories, and had an impressively high ceiling with glass and huge escalators and a coffee shop and several newsstands and shops on the main level. Everywhere around them, young, excessively thin people in tailored, expensive clothing rushed in and out of the building. Pam had never seen anything like it in her life. She'd been to New York a few times with her family and with Roy, but they had always done touristy things like going to the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty, or going to see a Broadway show. This was a totally different world. She checked her purse to make sure she'd brought a sketchpad with her. If they had any downtime, she was definitely going to try and draw some pictures of what they saw.

Kelly, meanwhile, was freaking out in usual fashion. She had her digital camera out and was taking pictures of everything. "Oh my God, this is totally the building where the Vogue offices are. What if we saw Anna Wintour? Do you think she's anything like that book that was written about her? I mean, I know they totally said it was fiction, but it was totally her, because the girl who wrote that worked for her and totally wrote it about it her. Wouldn't that be crazy if we saw her? I can't believe we're here, this is so cool..."

Jim wasn't exactly sure who Kelly was talking to, since no one was answering or paying attention to what exactly she was saying, but she didn't seem to notice as she went on talking. He glanced over at Pam, who seemed to just be caught in the wonder of it all. It was a new experience for them all -- Jim didn't think any of them [except Patty] had ever been in the office of a magazine, before, let alone something as big as GQ. It was exciting and scary at the same time. He had no idea what to expect.

Patty checked everyone in at the security desk, and after everyone had produced photo IDs and got visitor badges, they headed to the elevators, where they were whisked up more floors than Jim could keep track of. He wasn't even thinking about that -- he was more worried about what was going to happen when they got in. What kinds of clothes would they put him in? What would they do to the girls? Jim found himself half-wondering about Pam. She wasn't the type of person that went for all kinds of glamorous clothing or make-up. In fact, if he had a sliding scale, he probably would have put Pam at one end of it and Katy at the complete opposite. Kelly probably fell somewhere right next to Katy -- they were both very image-conscious people. Pam, on the other hand, didn't really worry too much about what she wore, yet she still managed to look beautiful and amazing every day.

He remembered her on the Casino night -- that blue dress, with her hair pulled back, but in softer curls than usual, with just a hint of make-up. She'd nearly blown him away with how gorgeous she looked that night. He couldn't wait to see what they were going to do to her today. No one had any idea what to expect.

===

They entered the photo studio and nearly everyone gasped. It was a tall room with huge lights and several cameras set up on tripods. What caused everyone to gasp, though, was the set they had assembled in the studio. It was an office. Different from theirs -- much nicer, but with desks and a reception desk that was set up like a bar. There were balloons tied around the chairs and streamers along the fake back wall.

Pam looked at Patty, who had led them into the studio. "Office party?" she asked.

"Looks like it," Patty said. She turned to a tall, extremely trim man on her right. His name was Emilio. He had introduced himself as the senior fashion editor for GQ magazine. He was also very, very gay. Pam liked him immediately; he was friendly and had gorgeous, straight teeth.

"Yes, absolutely, that's what we're doing," Emilio said. He turned around so he was facing everyone head on. "Okay, so here's how it's going to work. Obviously, we're going to split up the men and the ladies -- we're going to get ladies into wardrobe, and we'll have the guys' hair and make-up done and then everyone will switch places --"

"Wai-wai-wait --" Roy held his hand up. "What do you mean, make-up?"

Emilio smiled generously at him. Obviously, he was used to dealing with this. "It's really not make-up, really. It's just a tinted moisturizer that evens out your skin tone. No one will even know you have anything on. He studied Roy's facial hair. "Obviously," he said, touching it with his fingers, "we'll have to do something about this, too."

Roy gave him a weird look. "What the hell, man?"

Emilio smiled again and gestured to another guy who had just walked over. "Ladies, this is Anthony, he's my assistant fashion editor. He will be helping you all get dressed. You can follow him to the wardrobe closet."

The wardrobe "closet" was actually a very large area enclosed by large white curtains. There was a separate area that Anthony explained was the dressing area. "We're going to be doing a lot of changing, so you might as well get familiar with one another," he said.

Pam swallowed, and looked over at Kelly, who had her eyes on a clothing rack, packed to the brim with items of all colors and fabrics. Katy, likewise, was eyeing the clothes and looking around the wardrobe closet. Pam noticed that the great majority of the clothing was suits and dress shirts, all lined up neatly on the racks. Ties were hung on several sets of tie racks, and she noticed a long line of men's dress shoes under the clothing racks.

The women's clothing rack wasn't as big, but there were a ton of shoes, mostly strappy and high-heeled. Pam wondered if they were going to have to wear them. She wasn't used to wearing shoes like that.

"Patty has sent over all your sizes, so I have them organized by your size for each of you." Pam looked at Kelly, who looked impressed about this. Pam vaguely remembered Patty asking for their sizes at one point and measuring them in the office for her "file," but she hadn't really thought about it at the time. Now it made sense. "Let's see," Emilio said, looking at Kelly. "I know you've got to be Kelly. Let's put you in ... this." He pulled out a purple dress with velvet flowers patterned all over it. He also handed her a second hanger, which was a long maroon sweater/overcoat with a maroon feather-trim collar.

"This is awesome!" Kelly said.

"My assistant Heidi will give you some nylons, and --" he reached down to pick up a pair of strappy purple heels. "--you'll need to put these on as well."

"Oh my God," Kelly said, looking at the shoes. "These are Christian Leboutins, oh my God, I've never worn anything like this before, this is unbelievable; I can't, oh my God..."

Anthony grinned and gave her a little push towards the changing area. "Just get dressed," he said. He looked at Katy next. "You are going to be easy," he said to her, pulling a red, fitted shirt (it looked tiny on the hanger) and a tartan pencil skirt off the rack. He reached down and grabbed a pair of matching red alligator heels.

"Cool," Katy said, taking the shirt. She glanced down at the label. "I can't believe I'm going to be wearing a Versace shirt -- and Prada shoes. Wow. This is crazy..." she said as she headed towards the changing area.

Pam watched Katy go, and looked at the clothing rack with trepidation. Anthony must have noticed her worried expression, because he said, "Don't worry, honey, everyone's nervous in the beginning, but you will have so much fun by the end of the day, you won't want to leave." He shoved the partition down the rack so he could take a look at Pam's clothes. He looked at her and then at the rack. "Hm," he said, finally picking up a cream-colored blouse with a ruffled collar and a tailored green skirt. Attached to the skirt hanger was a set of pantyhose that Pam eyed critically. "Oh, trust me," Anthony said. "You will look amazing in this. And that skirt totally goes with your eyes. I can't wait to see you in that."

Pam looked up at him. "You think?" she asked.

"Totally," Anthony said. He reached down and grabbed a pair of green heels. "These Prada shoes will look amazing with this." He pointed out the cream-colored accent that went from the toe at an angle across the shoe. "These are so in this season."

Pam took a deep breath, and then smiled nervously at Anthony. "Okay," she said.

When she walked into the changing area, she noticed that Kelly was completely changed, and that Heidi was quickly adjusting Kelly's dress, and checking the fit of the jacket. Katy was putting on her pantyhose when Pam walked in. She caught a glimpse of Katy's satin thong underwear and quickly turned away. Suddenly, she felt embarrassed, because she hadn't thought to wear any special underwear today. Today she had on pink cotton panties and a white cotton bra with flowers on it. Why hadn't she thought about that? She swallowed again, hanging the clothes on a nearby empty rack. Pam felt the heat starting to rise in her face. This was so embarrassing. She didn't want to change in front of everyone. Especially not Katy, who had an amazing figure. Katy, with her satin-sexy underwear and perfect long legs and beautiful hair.

Pam poked her head out of the curtain. "Anthony," she whispered. He quickly turned around.

She felt tortured for a second. She was mortified. She didn't even know this guy, but, still...

"What do you need?" he asked, running over.

"Um," she gritted her teeth, avoiding his stare. "I, uh... I don't know, I have this really dumb underwear I'm wearing, and I'm totally embarrassed, but I'm worried about it under the top I'm wearing, and..."

"Oh my God, totally. We keep extra stuff around for these types of things."

Pam looked at him with wide eyes.

"Brand new, of course," Anthony said. He studied her figure for a moment. "34B?" he asked.

"Yes," Pam said, surprised.

Anthony laughed. "I just guessed, but it's on your sheet, too. I'm going to grab you a set, just sit tight for a second."

By the time Anthony came back, both Kelly and Katy were fully dressed and were waiting outside in the changing area, much to Pam's relief. Especially when she saw what Anthony brought back -- a very skimpy, peach-colored thong and a matching padded demi-bra. She looked at them, and then up at Anthony. "I'm supposed to wear this?" she asked, holding up the underwear. She looked positively terrified.

"Trust me," Anthony said. "I'll make sure no one comes in when you're changing."

Pam nodded and turned around as Anthony shut the curtain. She felt weird taking off all her clothes, even though no one was there. It felt wrong, like she was getting naked in public. By the time her outfit was on, though, she felt a lot more comfortable, even though the skirt was a bit binding, and the thin silk shirt felt weird against her skin. She stepped out, and Anthony cheered loudly.

"Wow - you look unbelievable," Anthony said. "What a difference an outfit makes!"

Pam wasn't sure what to think about that, but she started smiling a little more when she heard both Katy and Kelly saying really nice things about her outfit. They both looked pretty amazing themselves.

===

The whole make-up and hair process didn't take a really long time, but it was a little longer than what Jim had expected. They had wet all of their hair and trimmed everyone up a bit. The make-up girl had also taken tweezers and plucked his eyebrows, which made his eyes water. On their face, they put tinted moisturizer and powder with a large brush. Jim had never really put anything on his face before (with the exception of shave gel and the occasional aftershave, if he was going on a date), so it felt kind of weird. He was kind of glad that it was a girl putting make-up on him. The whole thing was bizarre. How was he going to try and explain this one to his friends?

(He just wasn't going to; that was all there was to it.)

He glanced over at Ryan, who sat in his chair stoically while the girl working on him finished applying the loose powder to his face. On the far end of the room, another girl was finishing up with a straight razor, carefully holding Roy's face while she did it. They had shaved his beard into a goatee, which looked okay from the angle that Jim was sitting at -- but not at all like Roy. He looked like a different person; not the lumbering warehouse employee that Pam used to be engaged to.

The girl that was working on Jim leaned over, peering at his face critically.

"Looks good," she said. She was chewing gum, and Jim could hear her chomping on it as she breathed on his face. She smelled like spearmint. "I love your show, by the way."

"Oh?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, but confidentially--" she said, leaning in even closer. Jim noticed that her eyebrows were almost completely invisible; save for a thin line she'd drawn onto her face where the eyebrows should have been. He didn't like the way it looked. She grabbed his arm, and he could feel her long, manicured fingernails through the fabric of his shirtsleeve. "My girlfriends and I were just wondering -- do you actually like Katy, or are you just dating her because Pam's engaged?"

"What?" Jim asked. He couldn't help it; he was always surprised when people asked him questions like this.

"I mean, sorry - that was probably too personal, right?"

"Um," Jim said. He took a deep breath, and lied. "I really like Katy," he said, looking at the make-up artist. He realized his ass would be sued to Albuquerque if he said anything other than that. As far as everyone knew, he and Katy were still dating, Pam was still engaged, and (apparent to everyone), he had a raging crush on Pam. At least that last part was true.

"Really? Because, she just doesn't seem like your type."

Jim tried not to laugh. It was so very true. He had only dated Katy because she was attractive and had kept him from thinking about Pam 24-7. It hadn't really worked, even then. "There's a lot about us that the cameras don't show," Jim said. "She's a really good person."

That was also pretty much true. She had been very upset about their break-up but hadn't gone out and said a bunch of bad things about him. On the other hand, she was also legally bound to not say anything until the episodes had aired, so maybe she was saving up the bad words for later.

The girl shrugged and let him out of the chair. "It's time for you guys to get dressed," she said.

===

As the guys walked across the studio to get dressed, they ran into the girls, who were headed over to hair and make-up. Roy was the first to let out a slow whistle as they walked by. "Lookin' good," he said, giving Katy and her very tight shirt more than an eyeful. She smiled widely at him. Katy had always enjoyed the attention that men gave her. Jim remembered that she didn't really sound annoyed when other guys would hit on her when they were out together. It annoyed Jim more than anything, but not really as much as it should have.

He smiled at Pam as she walked by. She looked incredible. She was wearing a beautiful ivory silk blouse that was open at the top and showed the smooth, pale skin of her sternum. She had on a thin, green skirt and heels -- he'd never seen her in heels! He had no idea what they were going to do with her hair, but if this was any indication, he was really going to have to try and keep himself at bay. You're not supposed to be dating her, he reminded himself. You cannot think about her like that.

She smiled back at him as they walked by each other, and Jim swore that one of the skinny guy assistants walking around winked at him.

===

"You have fantastic hair."

Pam leaned back into the sink as a girl washed her hair quickly. Pam loved the feeling of the girl messaging her scalp as sat back in the chair. She couldn't remember the last time she had that done. Usually, she just had her sister trim her hair when she saw her every few months. Her sister was a hairdresser and did it for free.

Pam couldn't help but smile. "Thanks," she said.

"We're going to leave your hair down - take advantage of this great, long hair that you have. I don't know why you don't wear it down more often," she said as they walked back towards the chair.

Pam shook her head. "I don't know -- I never really know what to do with it."

The girl smiled. "I think you're just afraid of what people would think if you actually changed something."

Pam frowned but didn't say anything. Maybe it was true. Maybe she hadn't changed anything for so many years because she knew she was treading on fragile footing as it was; with being engaged to Roy and knowing that Jim was interested in her.

"You are going to look like a different person when I'm done with you."

===

When they all met back on the office set, Jim's eyes went wide. He couldn't help but go right to Pam when he saw her. He had to stop himself from touching her hair, which was down, but full of volume, cascading in large waves around her shoulders. They had put a small amount of make-up on her face -- some eyeliner, neutral lipstick -- it made her lips look full and luscious and her eyes bright. "I..." he said.

Pam felt equally speechless, looking at him. He was wearing a very close-cut pinstripe suit with a gray shirt and a red tie that matched Katy's shirt. She suddenly felt a wave of jealousy run over her. She didn't want Katy to be anywhere near Jim right now. Not like this. "Wow," she whispered.

"You look like a different person," Jim said quietly.

"Yeah, so do you, oh my God, I'm so nervous about this," Pam said.

"I know." Jim glanced over at Katy, who was staring at him with her hands on her hips. She was obviously in full acting-mode, ready to go. Jim gave Pam an apologetic look and walked over to Katy. He grabbed her arms, sizing her up and down. As fantastic as Katy looked, it was so difficult to pretend like he was actually interested in being with her. He put on his best face.

"You really look great, Jim," Katy said. She tugged at his tie, something she had become fond of doing when they were dating.

Jim felt guilty when she did that. "So do you," he said, as they called everyone into place. The editorial assistants put them all into positions around the set.

Emilio clapped his hands excitedly. "I want you all to look like you're having a good time, enjoying yourselves -- it's a party!" A wind machine blew lightly, sending a small breeze that picked the girls' hair up.

Kelly picked up a martini glass with a pink liquid in it. "Is there actually alcohol in here?" she asked.

"No," he said, "it's just colored water - we use it to give the effect of alcohol."

"Oh," Kelly said, looking disappointed. "I like martinis."

In the background, loud dance-beat music played. Strangely, it gave them all the sense that they were actually at a party. Except for the fact that the office set was fake and they were drinking colored water, not real cocktails.

"I know this song!" Katy said. "It's that new Paul Oakenfold song with Brittany Murphy, Faster Pussycat; this song is awesome."

"I know, right?" Kelly said. The assistants were positioning her to sit on a desk, leaning forward towards Ryan as he looked at her. They had to tell Ryan to smile several times.

Meanwhile, Pam and Roy were in the background, and the assistants were putting them into a dancing position. Pam found this extremely funny. "We never danced," she said, laughing. She quickly corrected herself: "We never dance."

Roy scowled at her. "Just do what they're asking, Pammy," he said.

She hated when he called her Pammy. It made her feel like she was ten years old.

Jim and Katy were positioned at the bar. They had set up shot glasses and limes along with a bottle of Patron tequila to simulate tequila shots. Per Emilio's instruction, the assistants had Katy hoist her leg up so Jim was holding it. He was told to lean down with his tongue out, like he was licking salt off her leg. The camera's shutter clicked rapidly as the photographer captured the scene they had laid out. Katy started to lose her balance, and Jim caught her back with his arm, up righting her. He let her leg fall to the floor, and took a deep breath. He wouldn't look at Pam. He knew she was probably glaring at him right now. Not like it was his fault.

True enough, Pam immediately looked at Jim when that happened. She quickly turned around and looked up at Roy, who was also watching Jim and Katy. He looked angry as well.

"Roy," she said. She pointed at her chin. "Forget about it, keep your eyes here."

This situation was almost surreal. Here she was, telling Roy to stop paying attention to Katy while she had to tell herself to stop looking at Jim, while she and Roy were pretending to be together.

In the next shot, they had Roy and Pam continuing to dance, but had Katy sit behind the bar/reception desk, leaning forward, pouring drinks. Jim was instructed to lean up against the bar and look at Katy. Then over at Pam, as Roy twirled her around and out by the arm. He couldn't help but smile at her as her body twisted around towards him. Her shirt was open low enough that he could just see a hint of cleavage.

Oh my God, he thought.

More rapid-fire clicks as the photographer took shots. He moved around the room quickly, and it was hard to keep track of what they were supposed to be doing. A couple times, the photographer had to remind them where they needed to be and what they were supposed to be looking at.

At that point, the photographer wanted to do shots of each couple, so he allowed Katy, Jim, Roy and Pam to sit down while he shot Ryan and Kelly. Jim sighed in relief as he realized he could finally relax while they were in the spotlight. Ryan and Kelly sat there and waited while the assistants set up the lighting and adjusted the light meter settings. They had Kelly sit on the desk and pose seductively while Ryan leaned next to her. "Look cool!" Emilio said.

Jim was surprised how long each set of pictures took to set up. Jim glanced across the line of chairs at Pam, who looked back at him with her eyebrows raised. "Weird," he mouthed to her.

"What?" she whispered back to him.

"This is weird," he whispered back.

"Cut it out," Katy said, hitting his arm. She sounded irritated. Jim made a face and sat back in his chair.

===

They went through a few more wardrobe changes throughout the day, the girls getting changed first while the guys had their hair and make-up touched up, and vice versa. Near the end of the day, Emilio announced that they were just going to shoot the actual office staff. They were going to do one last wardrobe change for that.

Emilio set Pam behind the reception desk. She had on a wraparound top that, from the position that Jim was standing at (leaning over the desk), he could see right down her shirt. Unintentionally, he started grinning, and the photographer chose that moment to start snapping. "Look like you're having a fun conversation. Talk about something fun."

Jim continued grinning at her. "I just want to let you know, you look fantastic," he said. He didn't care if he wasn't supposed to be saying anything like that to her. She did look fantastic. Not being able to touch her was killing him right now.

She felt shy and looked down all of a sudden. "Oh my God," she said. "You can probably see right down my shirt." She started to blush. At this point, the photographer was behind them, still shooting.

"I need more smiling, kids," he said, waving his hand. Jim smiled at her again. He didn't need to fake it; he was so happy just looking at her right now. Pam smiled back at him, and then started laughing, showing her teeth. It was so absurd that she actually started laughing for real. Who would have thought, a year ago, that they'd be sitting here doing something like this?

When the photographer was done shooting them, they were able to relax. Jim leaned forward, resting his head upon his chin on the reception counter.

"Pam, what is going on, here?"

She grinned widely. "I..." she shook her head. "This is going to go down as probably one of the most surreal days in the history of being me."

Jim laughed. His expression suddenly changed as he looked at her very seriously. "You have no idea how much I want to scoop you up and take you away right now." He flicked his eyebrows at her, causing a warm surge to run through her. She licked her lips.

"I think I can imagine."

Jim shut his eyes and stood up. "Beesly, I have got to go distract myself. I can't just stand here and look at you."

She stood up then, too, and watched as Jim went over and sat down next to Katy and Roy, who were watching the shoot from the edge of the set. She felt hurt, even though she knew there was nothing wrong. It wasn't fair that they had to hide this. She had denied it for so long -- he had waited so long for this, and now that they were finally together, they couldn't even really be together. It sucked.

She sighed and sat back down at the desk again. There was even a phone on it, just like her desk. She picked it up. No dial tone. "Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam," she said to nobody. Pam smiled to herself.

===

They stopped to get dinner at a pizzeria around the corner from the Conde Nast building when the shoot was over. Patty presided over the table, smiling at everyone. "You guys did a fantastic job today. A reporter is going to be coming into the office next Friday to conduct a short interview, and I will be sitting in on that, just so you know. Conversations will have to be limited to what was going on around last October, so don't forget that. Remember," she said, looking at Roy and then at Pam, who were seated at opposite ends of the table, "no talk about break-ups. No talk about new relationships, nothing. Talking about Michael and his buffoonery is perfectly safe, though."

Everyone laughed at that comment. Even Patty knew how ridiculous Michael was. She constantly had to remind him not to talk about stuff that hadn't "happened" yet. It took him forever to understand the fact that what they shot was not being aired until almost a year later, so he had to make sure he was censoring himself as much as possible. This was not something Michael was very good at. Patty had become very good at bribing reporters.

Jim sat at the table, sipping on a pint of beer. He gazed across the table at Pam, who smiled at him. Roy was sitting next to her, and every so often, Jim saw him glance over at Pam. Her hair was still down and she still had a little bit of make-up on. Roy had probably never seen her like that, either.

Too bad, so sad, Jim thought. It made him smile, realizing she was his now. I have got to be the luckiest guy in the world.

Pam smiled back at him, and then looked at Roy without turning her head. She looked back at Jim, her eyes going wide.

Jim had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. He knew exactly what she was thinking.

Suddenly, two thirty-something women ran up to the table, with paper and pens in their hands. "Oh my God, you guys are from The Office, aren't you? We are the hugest fans, we run this website, and we just wanted to say how much we love you guys and ..." The one woman who was talking stopped. She realized she was probably interrupting something. "Was I interrupting something? I'm so sorry."

The other woman she was with smiled apologetically.

"No, no," Jim said immediately. He held out his hand. The lady who hadn't said anything yet held out her notepad. Jim took it and looked up at her. "What's your name?"

"Kathie," she said, grinning from ear-to-ear. "I cannot believe this. You are so nice."

Jim smiled, and wrote a message, passing the pad to Pam. "Write something," he said to her.

Pam looked up at Kathie. "I take no responsibility for anything Jim wrote on this pad." She laughed then, and wrote something herself. The other gal (Elizabeth) also handed over a piece of paper, and Jim wrote a little note for her as well, and that paper was passed around the group.

"Thank you so much," Elizabeth said. She was so excited her hands were shaking. Jim turned around to where she was standing behind him. He touched her arm.

"Anytime," he said, smiling broadly.

Elizabeth let out a little yelp and grinned at Kathie, who grinned back at her. "Thank you!" they both said in unison as they practically ran back to their table.

"Boy, Halpert. You sure have a way with the ladies," Roy said. He smirked at Jim.

"What can I say?" Jim asked. He shrugged and took another drink of his beer. He couldn't help but notice Pam was watching him the entire time. Jim looked up and notioned to Roy, as if to say, Don't forget about your 'fiance.'

She seemed to understand, because she put her arm around the back of Roy's chair at that moment. Jim felt the pang of jealousy quickly run through him as she did that. He knew it was just for show, but it was so hard to watch, especially after he had longed to have her for so many years, knowing that she was engaged to Roy. He sighed, and turned to Katy.

"Have a nice time today?" he asked.

Jim hated small talk, but if he didn't start talking to Katy, he'd end up staring at Pam all night long, and that was definitely a bad idea.

"Totally," Katy said, smiling at him, and then glancing at Roy. "This was ... an interesting experience," she said.

Jim nodded.

Katy paused and looked Jim over. He was wearing a dark gray long-sleeve shirt and jeans. Nothing spectacular. Roy looked better than he did, but there was something about Jim Halpert -- something that had made her want to go out with him in the first place -- and something that made her sad that he'd broken up with her. She didn't understand why Jim and Pam weren't dating -- she'd assumed the reason why he'd broken up with her was because of Pam. Roy hadn't offered any insights as to why he and Pam had broken up. He wasn't the type of person to talk about that sort of thing -- you know, feelings and relationships and stuff.

Not that she really wanted to talk about it, anyway. She and Jim hadn't even talked since they'd broken up almost six months ago.

There was something kind of ... naughty about pretending they were back together again. Katy almost wished she wasn't dating Roy.

"So, uh..." Katy leaned into him, whispering into his ear so no one else would overhear. "Are you... seeing anyone right now? I know you said you and Pam are just friends, so..."

Jim's mouth went into a straight line. What was she trying to say? What was she really asking him? Whether he was lying about Pam? If he was available? Was she hitting on him?

"Um," he said. "Yeah, sort of ... yeah."

Katy looked confused and leaned in again. "Sort of, yeah, you're seeing someone?"

Jim thought for a moment, and then nodded at her. Sort of wasn't exactly the way to describe it. He wouldn't even say he was seeing Pam. They finally existed. Together. It was so much more than you could describe in a phrase like "seeing someone."

He couldn't help it; he glanced up at Pam, who smiled back at him before quickly looking away and starting a conversation with Patty.

===

"So, Jim, I heard you told someone that 'Not just anyone can climb you like a tree.'" Dwight was staring at Jim with a smug expression on his face.

Jim looked at the camera, and then at Dwight with a confused expression. "What are you talking about, Dwight?"

"You heard what I said. I read about it. On the Internet."

"Wait -- what? Where did you read that?" Jim came over to Dwight's desk, where he saw a blog entry from LiveJournal entitled: "The Best Day EVAR: Meeting Jim Halpert!!!!!"

"Dwight, can I ask why you're reading a blog someone wrote about me? Are you secretly in love with me?"

"No," Dwight said quickly.

Jim heard Eric, the new salesman who sat across from Dwight, snicker under his breath.

"Shut up, Eric!" Dwight said. "Look, I read all kinds of blogs about this show. I want to know what people are saying about us. You wouldn't believe the things that people say about you."

"You mean stuff like: 'Jim Halpert -- We'd Climb Him Like a Tree' --?"

Pam laughed from her desk. Dwight looked up and glared at her. "Yes, stuff like that," he said. "How did you know about that, anyway?"

Jim snorted. "Pam showed me that website. Look, Dwight, just because you're jealous that I have more fans than you..."

"I'm not jealous, and for your information, I have plenty of fans on the Internet. I've already gotten three marriage proposals on my blog."

"What?" Jim asked, trying not to laugh. He looked at the camera again, and then back at Dwight. "You have a blog?"

"Yes, it's called Shrute Space. I run it from the Dunder-Mifflin website."

"Is that legal?" Jim asked. "Did you get approval from corporate to do that?" He glanced over at Pam, who had her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh.

"Michael said it was okay, and anyway -- hey, this isn't about me, anyway, this is about you, writing lewd messages to random fans! I don't know who you think you are. Furthermore, what were you doing with Pam, Kelly, Ryan, Roy and Katy in New York, anyway?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out," Jim said. He picked up his phone to make a phone call.

"Oh, don't worry," Dwight said. "I will find out. I always do."

===

Comments can be left here or at my LJ and are greatly appreciated. Thanks for the support!
Chapter 3: Queer Eye for the Office Guy by GreenFish
Author's Notes:

Back at the Scranton office, everyone gets adjusted to working in a bigger office. Rumors start flying about relationships, and who in the office might be gay.

This is not meant to be spoiler-ish. I have not read any of the Spoilers for Season 3, other than the episode titles (and VERY vague descriptions) for the first two episodes, and honestly - they don't really apply here, so go crazy, my spoiler-free friends.

"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam." Pam Beesly sat behind her desk with several large piles of mail surrounding her. The piles towered over the top of her elevated reception counter. "Yes, this is the Pam Beesly ... look, I am not supposed to take any calls unless they're related to business ... no, I'm going to have to connect you to our fan voice-mail, please -- no, I can't -- please hold." She punched a couple buttons and looked up to see the head cameraman, Jeff Woods, staring down at her.

Pam rolled her eyes.

"Everyday, I probably get about twenty-five calls from people who get through who aren't actually calling about business," she explained to the camera. "Sometimes they try to trick me by telling me that they work for a certain company, but usually I catch that, because we have caller ID. Sometimes they are calling about business, but then they want to ask me or the salespeople show-related questions, too." She glanced over at Jim's desk. He was on the phone. "Jim gets most of those calls. They're usually women, but sometimes men call, too." She giggled at that. "Anyway, so we have a special voice-mail prompt set up in case anyone wants to leave a fan-related message, so I have to transfer them to that if they get through. I have to clear that mailbox out several times a day. It gets filled fast. Michael likes to have a meeting once a day to go over the messages, in case any are for him. We usually get one or two that are for him."

"What are you working on?" Jeff asked, nodding at the piles of mail on her desk.

"What am I working on?" Pam repeated. "Oh, this is our mail. Ever since the show started airing, we get about five times the amount of mail we used to. Some of it is fan mail, but a lot of it's extra junk mail-slash-'business offers' that we've started getting since our company was featured on the show." She started sifting through the pile. "Let's see -- ten offers for platinum business cards, addressed to Michael Scott -- I always throw those out," she said, looking up with a smirk. "If I didn't, Michael would sign up for all of them." She picked up a bright yellow, folded brochure. "Oh look - a flyer from Office Depot. They want us to open a new business account. It's addressed to Office Manager,; I wonder if that's me. Kind of ironic, actually, getting offers from your competitor." She set that one aside. "I always save the funny ones for Jim."

She pulled out a lavender envelope with hearts drawn all over it. It was addressed to Jim "True Office Hottie" Halpert.

Pam chuckled. "I get about thirty to forty of these a day. Jim by-and-far gets the most fan mail. We give everyone's fan mail to Patty."

Patty was the official publicist for Dunder-Mifflin. She dealt with all forms of media, interviews, official comments, and fan mail that came to the office. They had a standard form letter and signed pictures that were sent to anyone that requested them (and included a self-addressed, stamped envelope.) Patty had an assistant that came in a couple days a week to do the mailings.

"Oh, and look -- a letter for Mr. Michael Scott, Regional Manager." Pam grinned widely. "We probably get a couple of these a day. Actually, Michael insists on receiving all his fan mail personally, so I have to sort through everything and make sure he gets his mail. That's usually the same time I go over his fan voicemail messages. Michael ... really enjoys his fans. He's been staying late almost every day so he can write messages to people. Somehow, I think he thinks he's developed a ton of new friends." Pam looked up again and glanced over at Michael's office.

Jeff turned as well, where Michael was holding up two different 5X7 photographs. He was on the phone with someone: "Yeah, well, I just don't know which one would be more appropriate to send out to my fans. Maybe I should send different pictures based on the mood of the letter that I get, you know?"

Michael had the phone on speaker, and a loud, stern voice said: "Michael, I really wish you'd just let us handle your fan mail. It's just not a good position to be in; you're the manager of a company, and besides, talking to fans can be a bit of a slippery-slope, if you know what I'm saying..."

It was Patty. She had conversations like this with Michael on a daily basis. He didn't seem to understand the problem that being personally involved with fans of the show presented.

"Patty," he said, exasperated. "These are not like creepy, weird child-molesters, or something. These are my fans. These people are my friends. I want them to know that I'm not just a snooty, celebrity boss -- I want them to know that I really care. That I'm a real person, just like them. And, you know, if they happen to be attractive women, too, I mean..."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about, Michael. You cannot be doing this. You cannot allow yourself even the possibility of getting involved with a fan. That's just... Michael? Are you listening to me? Michael?"

"Hm?" Michael asked. He was studying his pictures again.

The phone clicked and both Pam and Jeff watched as the door to the break room opened and Patty emerged out of the back office like a storm coming through. Her violet-colored suit appeared like a streak of color as she stomped into Michael's office, closing the door behind her.

Pam smiled, looking over at Jim, who shrugged. Jeff turned to Jim, then back to Pam as she rolled her eyes. "What else is new?" she asked, as the phone rang again. "Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam."

===

"Yes, so you'd like 15 cases of the Ultra-Bright 20 Weight Copy Paper? Absolutely, I can do that, let me just take down your information." Eric Johnson put his phone on hold while he pulled an order form out of his desk drawer.

Dwight Schrute leaned across his desk, resting on his elbows while chewing loudly on something. "I could have sold them twenty-five cases, no problem," he said mid-chew.

"I doubt it," Eric said. "What are you chewing on?"

"Deer jerky," Dwight said, ripping another hunk off with his teeth. He had a large ziplock bag full of it on his desk. "I make it myself."

"That's disgusting," Eric said, picking the phone up again. "Sorry about the delay, I have the form right here..."

===

The break room was full at 11:30 AM that afternoon. Ever since the new influx of staff, lunch times were prescheduled based on a sheet posted in the break room. Times chosen had been first-come, first-serve. Dwight had insisted on monitoring the project, to make sure it was executed properly. ("There's nothing to execute, Dwight," Josh Porter, their other regional manager had said, "it's first-come, first-serve. People choose when they want to eat. What's so hard about that?" Dwight, of course, referred back to what he believed was the 'animalistic' nature of humanity: "It could be chaotic. Some people get very ... protective when it comes to eating. You never can be too careful," he said. In the end, Josh had let him 'oversee' the process.)

Sitting at the table was Jim, Pam, Kelly, Eric, and the new girl in Customer Service, Rachel.

Rachel had transferred from Stamford along with Jim and Eric and a few other people. Jim knew that Rachel was interested in him. She had asked him out the second week he started worked at the Stamford branch, but Jim had politely turned her down, telling her that he didn't date people he worked with, as a rule. This of course, was a lie, since, technically, he was with Pam, and they did work together, but Jim considered Pam an exception to the rule. Everything about Pam was an exception to him. Before Pam, he'd never pursued someone who was engaged. Before Pam, he never told someone he was in love with them. Before Pam, he was never truly happy. Not like now.

It was frustrating, though. They had both agreed to keep their relationship a secret: not only from the general viewing public, but from the office and the cameramen as well. It was proving to be a lot harder than he thought it would. The only person besides Pam who knew was his mother. Even Mark, his former roommate (who Jim was temporarily staying with again) didn't know. He hadn't told Mark because he was living with his girlfriend now, and Jim knew that if Mark knew, Melissa would know, too, and before long, it would be leaked out and the whole internet would know.

Which was really bad, because as far as everyone (in the "public") knew, he was supposed to be dating Katy. Technically, they had just started the second season of their reality show (The Office: An American Workplace). Last week's episode was called "The Fight." Michael and Dwight had gone down to Dwight's dojo with the rest of the office so they could finally see who would win in a fight. (Michael won, which had sort-of, but not really, surprised everyone in the office at the time.) Jim was mostly happy to see Dwight suffer such embarrassment, and seeing it come up again on television made it that much better. Of course, the first thing Dwight brought up the following day was how Jim had completely mortified both himself and Pam on television by "grabbing her." Angela, of course, had been right there, saying how "lewd" and "inappropriate" it had been and how Jim "should be ashamed of himself."

Pam was nowhere to be found at the time. Jim thought he'd seen her duck out of the room as soon as Dwight brought up the show. She tried to not be around whenever Dwight started talking about it. Jim wished he could do the same, because all Dwight ever wanted to talk about was Jim and Pam and what the internet was saying about them that week.

In the break room, Rachel had sit down next to him, and Eric was on the other side of him. Pam sat on the other side of the table, watching him closely. He caught a hint of jealousy in her expression. Jim couldn't help but smile. Trust me, Pam, you have nothing to worry about, he thought to himself. He would probably have to tell her that later, anyway, when they were alone. Even after a month, Pam was still a little insecure about their new relationship. Jim honestly thought that he would be the one that would be insecure after having waited so long, but he wasn't. Being with her made him comfortable and more confident in general. The hardest part was not being able to share that confidence with everyone. He had to pretend to be his old, still single self, which was becoming more and more difficult to do.

Rachel leaned over, grabbing his arm as she did so, observing his lunch. "Ham and cheese again, Jim?" she asked.

Jim pretended not to notice Pam wince when Rachel did that. "Yup," he said, taking a bite.

"Why -- no, how can you eat the same thing every single day? I don't get that. I've never seen you eat anything different for lunch," Rachel said.

"It's what I like." Jim shrugged. He gestured across the table. "Pam almost always has mixed berries yogurt for lunch every day."

Pam looked up quickly, shocked to hear her name. Ever since Rachel had started sitting next to Jim during lunch, she wasn't saying much. Jim told her every night on the phone that he didn't even think about Rachel, but it was still hard for her.

"What?" Pam asked.

"It is the best yogurt flavor, though, hands down," Jim said, grinning.

"Yeah, but she's just like you, Jim. Boring. Boring lunches. I don't know how you guys can do that every day."

Pam half-snorted, looking at Rachel's tofu-dog and soy chips. "I don't know how you can eat those fake hot dogs," she said.

Rachel shrugged. "I don't eat meat. After a while, you sort of get used to the taste. I couldn't eat meat now if I wanted to."

Pam made a face. "Hm," she said.

Kelly put down the copy of the US magazine she was reading and glanced over at Jim. "I'm just surprised that Jim isn't dating anyone yet," Kelly said. "We totally thought that you and Jim were going to hook up, Pam, but apparently not, huh?"

Pam looked at Kelly, horrified. How many times did this have to be brought up? Why couldn't everyone just leave them alone? "Um, no, Kelly, but thanks for pointing that out, again," Pam said.

"Yeah, I mean, honestly, who I decide to date is my own business, anyway," Jim said.

"Does that mean you are dating someone, then?" Eric looked him from his lunch, suddenly interested. It was probably the first time Jim had ever seen Eric take an interest in Jim's personal life.

Jim cleared his throat, and looked up. He didn't see Jeff, or any of the other cameramen standing around. "Maybe," he said. "Maybe not."

"Maybe?" Kelly asked. "Oh my God, who is it? Do they work in this office?"

Rachel immediately looked concerned. "Yeah, who?"

"They do not work in this office," Jim lied. Jim and Pam had both agreed, if asked directly whether they were dating anyone in the office, to outright lie. There was no other way to get around it without having everyone figure it out. It would be the whole Michael-fiasco all over again.

Eric looked at Jim, realization suddenly flashing across his face. "Wait a minute -- 'they?'" he asked.

"What?" Jim said.

"Why was your answer non-gender-specific? Is it a man?"

"Oh my God, Jim, no wonder you're not dating Pam -- you're gay," Kelly said. She turned to Pam. "I am so sorry, Pam."

The room instantly exploded into noise. "Wait -- what?" Jim asked.

"Jim is not gay," Pam said, at the same time Rachel said,

"So that's the reason why you wouldn't go out with me."

Pam said: "Rachel asked you out?"

Eric said: "Wow, man, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to out you."

Kelly said: "Jim, I can't believe you kept that in for so long ... that whole thing with Pam was just a cover to make people think that you're not gay, but it's okay that you are, you can be gay now, it's okay, it's not a big deal..."

"Guys, guys -- seriously -- I am not gay," Jim said.

Just then, the door opened and Dwight walked in, carrying his insulated lunch bag that he kept locked up in his desk so Jim wouldn't mess with it. "What is going on; you all are past your allotted lunch period of exactly one half-hour, it is four past noon, and --"

"Dwight, Jim's gay," Rachel said, just as Jim was saying,

"Rachel, don't tell Dwight --"

"Too late," Pam said, covering her face.

"Wait, what? Jim's gay?" Dwight asked.

"I am not gay, Dwight. It's a misunderstanding..."

"Right, Jim. That's exactly what someone who was gay would say. Question: has he revealed who his lover is?"

Dwight knew a lot about gay people. His cousin, Mose, was a huge fan of "Queer As Folk," which used to air on Showtime, but was now cancelled. Mose bought the whole series on DVD, though, and showed it to Dwight. It was hard for Dwight to watch: Dwight found male homosexuality to be illogical and unnatural. You couldn't produce offspring if you were gay: so what was the point? If gay people populated the earth, the human species would be extinct in fifty years. Dwight had explained that on camera once.

"No," Kelly replied. "I totally can't believe that Jim's gay, who knew? I mean, he dated Katy, and then everyone thought that he had that thing for Pam, but obviously, it was just a cover, wasn't it? Jim, that's so sad."

Jim frowned at everyone (except for Pam, who now had her hand over her mouth in disbelief, watching everyone). Jim got up and walked out of the room. There was just no sense in talking to these people.

===

"So, yeah," Jim said, his hand resting on one chin, "apparently everything thinks I'm gay now, because I won't talk about my private life." He glanced out the window of the conference room. Everyone in the office seemed to be talking to someone else. Probably about him.

"I don't want my private life to become public," Jim said. "And for the record - I am not gay. I very much like women, so no matter what anyone says, I'm not gay." Jim thought for a moment, and smirked. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

===

Kevin Malone leaned across the corner of his desk towards Oscar Martinez, his fellow accounting employee. "Hey," Kevin said. "Did you hear that Jim's gay?"

Oscar looked up from his computer screen, suddenly interested. "Really? I didn't know that."

"Yeah," Kevin said. "I totally think he's hit on me a couple times. Remember when he said he wanted to sleep with me?" Oscar assumed Kevin was referring to the time when Jim said he'd sleep with Kevin during the "Who Would You Do?" game.

Oscar chuckled. "I think he was joking, Kevin."

"I don't know ... he is gay."

Oscar rolled his eyes. Somehow, he doubted that if Jim were really gay -- wow, Jim was gay? -- that he'd want to sleep with Kevin, of all people. Oscar glanced over at Jim, who was staring straight ahead at his computer screen, ignoring Dwight, who was standing over him, probably having a field day. He was surprised Michael hadn't come out of his office to say anything yet.

This was very interesting. Not that Oscar was looking, but it definitely put Jim in a new light all of a sudden. He'd thought about Jim a few times before ... and he knew all of the girls in the office thought Jim was attractive.

It definitely would explain why Jim and Pam never got together. Everyone thought for sure that as soon as Pam and Roy broke up, they'd be together for sure. The office pool had gotten up to $250. Creed was the only one who voted against them getting together, and that was only because he still didn't know who Pam was. Creed was delighted to walk away with the $250 pot. Creed had said something about lobster bisque at the Scranton soup kitchen, whatever that meant.

Oscar decided he would talk to Jim when he was alone later. He probably needed some support.

===

"I don't think Jim's gay." Ryan Howard shook his head as he stared at his reflection in the camera lens. "I just ... I've seen him dating girls, and I saw the way he looked at Pam and I mean, Katy, well --" He sniffed. "I don't think he's gay."

===

"Jim, can I see you in my office, please?" Michael stood at the edge of his doorway, his eyebrows raised at Jim.

"Sure." Jim stood up and looked over at Pam, whose eyes were wide with anticipation and amusement.

"Here we go..." she said to Jim after Michael had already ducked back into his office.

Jim grimaced at her and stepped into Michael's office. Michael gestured for Jim to shut the door.

"So," Michael said.

"So," Jim said, making a face back at Michael. He noticed one of Michael's black-and-white headshots was now in a frame behind his desk. It was autographed: Best wishes, Michael Scott.

"I'm sure you know why I called you in here."

Jim knew why, but he decided to have fun with it. After all, it was Michael, and Jack, the other cameraman, had followed him into the office, which meant that everything would be recorded. Jim knew he wasn't gay, and he knew it would all be cleared up in the end, but it would be fun to watch Michael make an ass of himself for the time being. "No, I don't," Jim said.

Michael looked surprised. "Really? Well." He coughed. "Um, well, apparently, I've been told that, um ... I mean, obviously, it's your private life, and you can, you know, do who you want to do, and what-not, but, uh -- well, you know ... I heard that you, uh, enjoy the company of men?"

"Oh, yeah," Jim said. "I have a lot of guy friends." He turned halfway to the camera and smiled. Michael was staring down at his desk, avoiding Jim's gaze.

"Oh, yeah, of course, so do I -- I have plenty of guy friends, you know -- it's a guy thing, guys hang out together, you know?" Michael cleared his throat. "But you know, sometimes, when guys get, um, intimate, you know, sometimes they prefer the company of ... uh ... men, instead of women."

"Yeah?" Jim said.

Michael didn't say anything. He looked up at Jim timidly.

"What's your point, Michael?" Jim was doing everything he could not to start laughing out loud.

"Well, you know, I'm just saying that, you know, if someone like you happened to be one of those people -- you know, who, preferred men..." Michael shook his head around as he said that, "... you know, it won't, uh -- affect our relationship as friends, or you as my employee. I mean, we'll still be the same."

"Wait a minute," Jim said, pretending to come to a realization. "Are you saying that I'm gay?"

"Yeah, well, you are, aren't you?"

Jim had to stop himself from shaking with laughter. He coughed. "I'm not gay, Michael."

Michael looked confused. "But Dwight just came in here a second ago and said that you 'came out' in the break room."

Jim rubbed his face, and then rested his cheek in his palm. "And you ... believed Dwight? Dwight, who thinks I committed murder. Dwight, who lives on a beet farm and wears sunglasses from 1982. Dwight -- who had to ask Toby where the vagina was."

"Wait -- what? Really?" Michael asked.

"Yeah," Jim said, grinning. Toby had told him that one day, when Jim had come over to baby-sit Sasha. They'd had a few beers together and shot-the-shit before Toby went out for the night.

Jim learned a lot about the office staff from talking to Toby.

"Look, all I'm saying is, maybe it's Dwight who's hiding his true feelings. Have you ever seen his supposed girlfriend that he always talks about?"

"Hm, good point, no."

"Trust me, Michael, I'm not gay. Dwight, on the other hand? I don't know... think about it."

"Eech," Michael said, standing up. "I'd rather not."

===

"So," Dwight said, when he sat back down. "Did you and Michael talk about anything ... interesting?" Dwight tittered to himself while Jim looked on.

"Oh, yeah, tons of interesting stuff. The war in the Sudan, the upcoming football season, Dancing With the Stars..."

"Dancing With the Stars? I knew it. You are so gay." Dwight thought for a moment. "I just don't know why I didn't see it before. You never really went on dates ... that Katy girl was obviously a beard..."

Jim looked perplexed. "How do you even know words like that -- 'beard?'"

Eric looked up from the phone call he was on. "Well, everyone knows that Katie Holmes is Tom Cruise's beard."

"I won't even ask why you know that," Jim said. He turned back to Dwight. "Look, I'm not the person you should be questioning. Really, we should all be questioning you."

"What?" Dwight asked. "That's preposterous. I'm not gay."

"Sure you aren't, Dwight."

"I'm not. It's illogical, and besides: I have a girlfriend."

"See, you keep saying that, but we have yet to actually meet this mysterious girlfriend of yours."

"Just because I like to keep my relationships private doesn't mean I don't have them," Dwight said. He glanced over at Angela, who was deeply involved in a spreadsheet on her computer.

"There's a big difference between 'private' and 'non-existent,' Dwight," Jim said. "I just can't believe that this supposed girlfriend of yours really exists."

"She does exist. She's very close to me, in fact."

"Close to you?" Jim said. "As in physically?"

Dwight looked up, a sly expression on his face. "Maybe."

Like taking candy from a baby. "Are you dating Meredith?" Jim asked. They both looked over at Meredith, who looked half-asleep, staring at her computer screen.

"God, no," Dwight said.

"Well, let's see," Jim said. "We know it's not Phyllis, because she's dating Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration." Phyllis turned around and smiled at Jim. She always smiled when anyone mentioned Bob Vance.

Jim looked around the room, settling on Pam. She was watching the whole thing, and a horrified expression came over her face when Jim turned to her. "Oh, no," she mouthed to him.

Jim grinned. "Oh, yes," he mouthed back. "No way..." he said to Dwight. "You couldn't... you're not dating Pam, are you? Pam?" He looked at Pam with mock-hurt on his face.

Dwight looked over at Pam, who was giving Dwight a dirty look. "As much as I could say that Pam is not an unworthy candidate, she is not my girlfriend. Besides, I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year, and Pam was engaged then."

Jim looked around again. "Well, I just don't know... there doesn't seem to be anyone else..."

"You forgot someone, Jim," Pam said. "Angela."

"Oh... yes, Angela. You'd never date Angela, though." Jim shook his head. "Her standards are probably too high for you. I'm sure she probably would rather date someone with more ... symmetrical features."

"That's not true," Dwight immediately responded. "I could be dating Angela." He glanced over at her direction, but she wasn't paying attention. "Maybe I am," he said, more quietly, as if Jim and he were sharing a secret.

Jim leaned in towards Dwight, enjoying the moment. "Really," he said. "I just ... don't believe it."

"Oh, yeah?" Dwight said, standing up. Jim looked over at Pam, who was perched at the edge of her desk, grinning madly.

It was so easy sometimes. "Seriously, Dwight. I don't believe it. I'd say that Kevin's more your type."

Kevin looked up at the sound of his name, but didn't know what was going on.

"Very funny, Jim. That's your guy, remember? Anyway, I'll prove it to you." Pam stood up, and Jim, Eric, Phyllis, and Kevin all watched as Dwight marched over to Angela's desk. Oscar looked up just in time to see Dwight pull Angela out of her chair, sweep her back, and say, "Gimme some sugar, baby," as he laid a heavy kiss on her lips.

Angela immediately smacked him across the face, almost causing Dwight to drop her on the floor. Instead, she fell back against her chair.

"What do you think you're doing?" she said to him, her face beet red with anger and embarrassment. "That -- was unacceptable. And -- at work? Dwight, I --"

"Angela," he said through gritted teeth, "I was just trying to ... Jim was ..."

"No," she said sternly. "We're through." Covering her face, she stormed out of the office, Dwight looking around for a moment, perplexed. He turned to Jim.

"This is all your fault!" he said, and ran out of the office after Angela.

Jim looked up at the camera, which was facing his direction, and shrugged. "I don't know why he always blames me for everything."

===

Jim was in the break room, getting himself a cup of coffee when he saw Oscar come in behind him. "Jim," he said.

"Hey, Oscar," Jim said, leaning against the counter.

"Look," Oscar said. "I heard about what happened at lunch today, and I just wanted to let you know -- if you ever wanted to talk about it..."

Jim sighed. "Um. Yeah. About that. I really appreciate that, but ... I'm not gay."

Oscar leaned forward. "You don't have to deny it to me. Honestly, I understand what you're going through." Oscar looked out into the main office. "It's hard, you know? You don't always know who to tell; who you can trust. Who's going to judge you for it." He looked pointedly at Angela's desk. Angela was still gone.

"I do understand that, Oscar, but, honestly, I'm not gay. I'm seeing someone, a girl."

"You are?" Oscar said.

Jim swore he looked slightly disappointed. "Uh, yeah. It's just that... I really didn't want to tell everyone about it because it's not anyone's business. They thought that maybe it was a guy because I wouldn't give up any information, and that evolved into me being gay, and you know how quickly stuff like that gets around the office."

"So you're not gay?"

"No." Jim paused for a moment, sipping on his coffee. "I'm sorry if..."

"Oh, no," Oscar said quickly. "Don't worry about it. Just, you know --"

"Yeah," Jim said. "No problem." They both nodded, understanding, and Jim walked out of the break room. He always had a feeling Oscar was gay, but never knew for sure. Interesting.

===

"Jim, come over here!" Pam was waving her arms at Jim from her desk. He quickly hung up with the sales call he was on and came around the desk to see what Pam was looking at.

She was on a website called Television Without Pity, under a forum thread called, Jim Halpert: Their bread is VERY good.

"What are you looking at?" Jim asked. "This..." Pam said, pointing to a reply on the screen. It was from a user called FrodoLover.

The reply said: This might be disappointing news for all the ladies on this thread, but I heard a rumor from a well-placed source at Dunder-Mifflin that Jim is gay. That's right -- sorry to disappoint you all, but his 'relationship' with Katy? Fake. He doesn't really like Pam, either. Because he's GAY!

After that were three pages of replies from various users calling FrodoLover a troll, a liar, unscrupulous, unreliable, and all other sorts of other interesting names.

"At least we know I still have my supporters. My fans know I'm not gay."

"Yeah, and apparently, they're all still pushing for us to get together, from what I read," Pam looked up at Jim with a small smile.

"Really," Jim said. "I wonder what happens."

"I don't know," Pam said, interlacing her fingers with Jim's underneath the surface of the desk. "I guess we'll have to watch the show and find out."

"I guess so," Jim said, squeezing her hand.

===

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