Chapter One: First-Timer

Disclaimer: I do not own Jim, Pam, or any other “The Office” characters that may show up.


“Come on, sleepyhead. Time to get up!” Jim rolled over at the sound of Pam’s voice, and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was almost impossible to believe the numbers on the small screen. 4:00. In the morning. He turned again to face Pam, who was standing next to the bed not only awake, but also fully dressed.

“Jim, you said you’d go shopping with me! Come on! We’re going to be late.”

“Late? It’s 4:00 in the morning!” Jim now remembered his agreement with Pam from the day before. Before they left her parent’s house for the two hour drive back, as Jim was on the couch filled with triptophan, Pam had asked him if he would like to come shopping with her the next morning. And he stupidly said that he would, not thinking about what “going shopping” on the day after Thanksgiving truly meant. “I said I would go shopping with you in the morning. It is clearly still nighttime out there.” Jim said, trying to talk himself out of having to keep his promise.

“Not on Black Friday it isn’t! Now come on, we’re leaving in like 15 minutes.” Pam said, and headed to the kitchen.

Accepting defeat, Jim managed to pull himself out of bed and get dressed, albeit not very well. He then met Pam in the kitchen as she handed him a travel mug of coffee.

“Remind me why we’re doing this again...” he muttered as he shuffled into the kitchen and sat at the table.

“Because this is when we can get the best deals. My mom and I used to do this every year when I was a teenager.” Pam replied, without an ounce of tiredness in her voice.

“I never took you to be an “obsessive shopper” kind of girl.” Jim said. “Are you turning into Kelly on me?”

Pam playfully smacked Jim on the back of the head. “No...but everybody’s a shop-a-holic on Black Friday. It’s like being Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.”

“But all that does is give you a license to get drunk. This requires an extreme loss of sleep.” Jim pointed out.

Pam grabbed Jim’s wrist and pulled him to his feet. “You’ll have fun, I promise.”

As Pam drove through the dark Scranton streets, Jim’s coffee finally started to kick in and he began to wake up, albeit only slightly. The radio was tuned to a station only playing holiday music, and the peppy rendition of “Jingle Bells” didn’t seem to fit with a drive to some store at 4:15 in the morning. As Pam approached their destination, apparently the local Target, Jim was amazed to see there were already several cars in the parking lot. Their owners were currently lined up outside the store’s main doors.

“There’s no way there’s this many crazy people here.” Jim said.

“Just wait-there will be more. We’re a bit early.” Pam turned off the car and gathered up the various fliers and coupons she had brought with her.

“You think so? What time does the store actually open, Pam?” Jim asked as he and Pam headed across the parking lot.

Pam pulled out her flier again. “5:00.” she said.

Jim stopped short. “Um, Pam? If the store doesn’t open until 5, why are we here at 4:15?”

“To get a good spot in line. We have to make sure we get a cart.”

“Wait...there’s a possibility of not getting a cart at 5 am?” Jim was genuinely puzzled. Every time he had visited Target before, no matter how crowded, there was always a surplus of carts. They were bunched up outside the store and rolled through the parking lot, often just missing his car. And that was in the middle of the day. How on Earth could the store run out of carts at 5 am?

“Oh, Jim. You have so much to learn.” Pam laughed as they approached the line, which extended from the door and lasted about half the store’s length. She and Jim took their place in line, Pam waving happily to the people in front of them as Jim slumped against the wall.

“You know those people?” he asked.

Pam shook her head. “No. It’s just the spirit of Black Friday. You get to know the people in line with you.”

“Well, I would think so...getting here 45 minutes early.” Jim said.

A woman in front of them turned and looked at Jim. “First timer?” she asked, shifting her gaze to Pam.

Pam laughed and nodded, and the woman smiled. “I wish I could get my husband to come do this with me. What’s your secret?”

“She asked me right after Thanksgiving dinner. I was too full to think straight.” Jim answered.

The woman then pulled out her own flier, and she and Pam started comparing what sales they were going to take advantage of. Jim turned around and saw that about 5 more people had gotten in line behind them. He tried to count the number of people in the line, but lost track around 25 or 30 although he was certain there were many more. He was pulled back into reality by Pam’s voice. “Did you get that, Jim?”

“Get what?”

“Our plan. When we get into the store, you grab a cart and head straight to electronics and get this” Pam handed him a piece torn from her flier with a picture of a digital camera on it, which apparently was marked down quite a bit. “I’m going to get the rest of the stuff, but we have to attack electronics first! And remember, if you see anything in the aisle, grab it! We’ll decide if we need it later.”

Now it was Jim’s turn to laugh. “We have to attack electronics? Are we planning a military operation?”

“Jim, this is serious. We need a plan!”

“Why can’t we just do what we always do when we go to Target-walk around the store and if we see something we like we grab it?”

The woman in front of them laughed. “Wow, he really is a first timer.”

Jim turned around again, and noticed the line now extended the entire length of the store. Amazed at how the line had doubled in size in such little time, he turned back to Pam and said “When the hell did they all get here?”

“See why we came so early?” Pam leaned a bit to her left to see around the other people in the line. Jim noticed that most others in the line were doing the same. “I think they’re opening soon.”

“I hope so...I can’t feel my hands anymore.” As Jim spoke, the line began to move very quickly towards the doors. He had to struggle to keep up with Pam as she and the rest of the shoppers hurried excitedly to the entrance. This was going to be a very long morning.

When Jim and Pam finally entered Target, Jim could only stand in awe of what he saw. Never before in his life had he been witness to such insanity-and that was saying a lot considering where he worked. All around him, people (mostly women) were executing their own “plans” with the military precision. Grown men ran (not just hurried, but ran) through the store. One larger gentleman, who must have been at least 65 years old, suddenly ran by with the same excited expression that Jim would have expected to see on a small child running towards the toy store.

Thankfully, Pam appeared beside him, pushing a cart. “What the hell is this? This is insane!” Jim said, motioning to the chaos around him.

“See? This is why we need a plan.” Pam said. “Now go to electronics! Hurry!” She gave Jim a gentle push on the shoulders and then hurried to a different part of the store.

Part of Jim wanted to run to electronics, grab Pam’s stupid camera, and get the hell out of there. But another part of him wanted to walk as slowly as possible, and watch the other shoppers. He felt like he was on a bad reality show.

He came across a huge crowd of people blocking an aisle, and through the people he saw a ever-shrinking pile of TV sets. He remembered Pam’s words outside the store-”If you see anything in the aisle, grab it.”-but decided against throwing himself into the fighting ring that had been created. He briefly made eye contact with the poor Target employee who had been given the task of supervising the mob, and for once was thankful for his job at Dunder-Mifflin.

The electronics department was situated at the back of the store, right across from the toy department. As a result, when Jim finally reached his assigned destination he was greeted by a blockade of carts. Apparently all the shoppers had “attacked” either electronics or toys. He stared in amazement into the electronics department, where another employee was standing behind a blockade and handing customers their desired items.


Jim reluctantly made his way towards the ever-growing mob. Unlike the other shoppers, he didn’t try to force his way to the front. He was a human being, he told himself, and he didn’t need to fight for a camera.

But as he stood at the back of the crowd, he realized that his attitude was the extreme minority. He stood for what felt like hours as one person after another shouted at the poor sales associate to get them an X-Box, a DVD player, an iPod, or a video game. One woman, after being informed that Target was now out of pink iPod nanos, proceeded to tell the man that if she didn’t get her daughter’s pink iPod, she was going to come back there and beat the living daylights out of him. Another customer threatened to sue the store for false advertising because the discount on X-Box games only applied if the customer bought an X-Box with them.

“I’ve got the freaking X-Box already! I just need the stupid game! Your flier didn’t say anything about...”

As the man continued his rant, Jim decided that no camera was worth this and turned to abandon his mission. However, he soon realized that many, many more people had joined the crowd, and he was now completely enclosed. There was going to be no escape.

The man who wanted the X-Box game stormed by Jim in a huff, muttering to himself about how inconsiderate the stores were of working people at Christmas. As he did, Jim heard a voice say “Sir...can I help you get something?” He looked up to see the Target associate looking right at him.

“Oh, I...need a camera.” Jim then realized that he had no idea what camera he was looking for. Pam had kept the flier with her. Jim tried to remember the picture he had seen outside. Was he looking for a Canon? Or was it a Nikon? What was the number? Was the camera silver or black? This was not good.

“I...um...well, you see my girlfriend....we had a flier and there was this...” Jim felt panic setting in as he stuttered. The other shoppers were looking at him in a way that made him fear for his life. Just then, another hand passed the store’s flier up past his face.

“He wants this one.” Jim turned to see the woman Pam had been talking to in line.

The man behind the blockade nodded, and retrieved the camera. Jim turned around, amazed that this woman had actually remembered him from outside.

“Thanks...um...”

The woman laughed. “My name’s Susan. And I’m always happy to help out a first timer. Now you’d better go find your girlfriend and get out of here...I have a feeling this is going to get ugly.”

Just then, a loud voice interrupted them. “That is MY Nintendo! She pushed ahead of me! I got here first!”

“You did not!”

Up at the blockade, there appeared to be a dispute between two women over a Nintendo DS system. “Ladies, please. If one of you will just wait one moment I can go into the back and check for another one...” the associate said, trying to calm the women down.

This announcement did not seem to please the rest of the mob. “Oh, hell no. We’re not waiting here while you go all the way into the back for her.” another voice screeched.

A large man who appeared to be in his early to mid 40’s then shoved his way to the blockade, and proceeded to climb over it. “Sir, you cannot come back here unless you’re an employee...”

“Screw you!” the man said as he rummaged through the piles of gadgets behind the barricade. This threw the mob into even more chaos as more people did the same, eventually knocking down the blockade altogether. Jim turned to see that Susan was gone. Pam hadn’t been kidding when she said he needed to attack electronics. Seeing an opening form in the back of the crowd, he held the camera close to his body and ran, not stopping until he was safely in sporting goods.

He looked at the camera box in his hands. “I hope whoever gets this camera appreciates this.” he said to himself. Suddenly, he heard a voice call his name.

“Jim!”

Sure enough, Pam was coming towards him, pushing the now half-full shopping cart. Jim was pretty sure he had never been happier to see her in his life.

“I sure hope whoever gets this camera appreciates what I went through to get it.” he said as he placed the camera in the cart. “What else did you get?”

“Um...let’s see...I got some new Christmas decorations, and a couple of throw pillows, and a bath mat.” Pam said, rummaging through the items in the cart.

“How did you manage to get all of that stuff already?”

“The home department isn’t crowded at all...”

Just then, a young woman in a red shirt ran past, shouting into a walkie-talkie. “I need more associates to electronics! I repeat, any available associates please report to electronics immediately.”

“I guess everybody went right to electronics.” Pam finished.

“So let me get this straight. You, the ten-year veteran of this, sent me, the first timer, into a retail war zone on four hours of sleep while you wandered casually through the store like I wanted to do in the first place?” Jim asked. Pam nodded, and Jim laughed. “You’re lucky I love you, Beesly. Now come on, we’re getting out of here.”

Jim took control of the cart and headed to checkout. Sure enough, the rest of Target was practically devoid of people. The store had every register open, and the checkout process went faster than Jim expected it to.

Twenty minutes later, proudly holding their red and white bags, Pam and Jim headed to the exit. As they approached the doors, Jim saw a sight he never thought was possible. The cart area was completely empty. He checked his watch-5:45.

“So we’re going home now, right?” Jim asked, hopeful.

Pam laughed. “Of course not. This was just stop one. We’ve still got to hit the mall!”


Coming Up: Pam and Jim visit the Mall at Steamtown, and they may run into a few familiar faces!

Twenty minutes later, Jim found himself in the parking garage at the Mall at Steamtown. It was now just past six in the morning. He had been up for all of two hours and already felt like it was the end of the day. The end of a very long day.

As Jim and Pam approached the mall entrance, he felt relief coarse through his body. There was nobody lined up outside the mall, certainly that was a good sign, right?

“Well, at least we won’t have to wait outside.” he said as they walked through the automatic doors.

“That’s because the mall opened at 5:30.” Pam said matter-of-factly. She pulled out a sheet of paper from her pocket. “Now here’s your half of the shopping list. I’ll meet you at the food court in two hours-then we’ll get breakfast.”

“My half of the list?” Jim asked.

“Yeah...for our Christmas shopping.”

Jim looked at the paper Pam had handed him. He had at least 12 or 13 items. “So you’re sending me off alone again? I thought this was supposed to be a bonding experience.”

“I never said anything about it being a bonding experience.” Pam replied, fishing out her own half of the list.

“Well, I think it’s something we should discuss...” Jim started to argue, but was interrupted.

“Jim, the faster we get all this stuff the faster we can leave, and the faster we’ll be back home and you can sleep.”

Jim let out a heavy sigh. “Ok, let’s get this over with.”

Pam gave Jim a pat on the shoulder. “See you in two hours! Good luck!” And with that she headed off on her own shopping mission, leaving Jim on his own once again.

“Ok, let’s see where we’re going here...” Jim said to himself as he unfolded his list. He was relieved to see that Pam had at least given him very specific instructions. The first line of the list read:

Scarf and glove set/ Old Navy

That seemed easy enough. The mall was going to be a piece of cake compared to Target.

At the entrance of Old Navy, he was greeted by a very tired-looking teenage girl wearing a Santa hat. “Welcome to Old Navy” she said, handing him what appeared to be a breakfast bar. Not really trusting any kind of food handed out at a clothing store, Jim stashed the bar in his pocket and entered the store.

It was at this moment that Jim realized that his mission was going to be anything but easy. The main interior of the mall may have not seemed crowded, but the stores themselves were another story. In the front of the store, a large display of holiday gift items had been set up, attracting most of the attention and blocking his access to the rest of the store. But, as far as Jim could see, there were no scarves and no gloves.

And, just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, Jim heard a familiar high-pitched voice behind him.

“Oh my God! Jim! What are you doing here?” Jim turned around just in time to see none other than Kelly running at him.

“Of course...” he muttered to himself, before greeting Kelly. “Hi...what are you doing here?” It was a stupid question. He knew exactly what Kelly was doing there. He hadn’t compared Pam to her before they left the house for no reason.

“Are you kidding? Jim, this is like the best day to shop ever! Everything is so cheap! Well, not cheap, because that would be tacky but you still end up saving so much money...hey, what are you doing here?”

Jim held up his list. “I’m here with Pam. She sent me on a mission. Several missions, actually.”

Kelly grabbed the paper from his hands. “Oh, let me see...have you gotten any of this stuff yet?”

“Nope.” Jim shook his head. “And actually, I should probably get back to looking for scarves and gloves...”

“Oh, I can help you! It will be fun! I’ll be your black Friday helper! Come on!” Before Jim could protest, Kelly had grabbed his wrist and dragged him into the center of the store. “All the accessories are over here...does she want the scarves and gloves that come separately or the ones that come together?”

Jim looked around the accessories section, amazed at just how many different varieties of scarves and gloves there were. There were racks of scarves and gloves, some being sold separately and some boxed up together. Some had stripes, some had snowflakes, some had sparkles. “How does she expect me to do this?” Jim thought out loud.

“Well, that’s why you have me!” Kelly chimed in. “Now let’s see...that list of yours says “set” so we’re obviously going for the boxes...is this for a guy or a girl?”

Jim shrugged his shoulders. “No idea.”

“Well, why not? How can you not know? It’s your list!” Kelly exclaimed.

“Actually...it’s Pam’s list.” This realization hit Jim kind of suddenly. He wasn’t doing his own Christmas shopping-he was doing Pam’s. That was a such a, well, couple thing to do. Even though they had been dating for over six months, he still had moments like this where it was hard to believe.

Just then, a very tired-looking Darryl appeared at Kelly’s side.

“Oh, hi! Look who’s here!” Kelly said, gesturing to Jim. Darryl made sympathetic eye contact with Jim before turning to Kelly.

“You about ready to get out of here?” he asked.

“But Darryl, we’ve got to help Jim!” Kelly said, her hands full of the boxed glove sets. “He’s so clueless about this.”

“No, really...it’s ok.” Jim said. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

Kelly shrugged. “Ok, if you say so.” As she turned and headed to the exit, Darryl lagged behind for a moment.

“So where’s Pam?” he asked.

“How did you know...”

“Because I don’t know one man who would voluntarily get up at the crack of dawn to come and buy scarves. Or blankets.” Darryl said, holding up the rolled up throw blankets he carried in each hand. “Good luck, man.”

Jim laughed, a bit relieved to see that he wasn’t alone. He grabbed the first boxed gift set he saw and headed for the cash registers. As he waited in line, he saw Kelly and Darryl a few lines over and for the first time that day he felt a pang of sympathy. Surely, the only thing worse than being dragged black Friday shopping by your girlfriend was being dragged black Friday shopping by your girlfriend who happened to be Kelly Kappour.

Chapter Four

Feeling rather victorious after his success in Old Navy, Jim took out his list again.

Pink Cat/Build-a-Bear

His new assignment made all of his post-Old Navy happiness fade away. Jim had heard of Build-a-Bear before, but had never once set foot inside. However, the images he remembered from the commercials were enough to know that it was not somewhere he really wanted to be. But, not wanting to disappoint Pam or whichever of her young relatives this gift was for, Jim dutifully took his list and headed toward the beckoning primary colors ahead of him.

Build-a-Bear had at least one positive thing about it-it wasn’t crowded at all. There were a few other customers, but not very many. As he entered the store, he was greeted by a young woman in a denim shirt and khaki pants.

“Hi, welcome to Build-a-Bear. Have you visited us before?”

“Um, no...”

“Oh, ok. Well, let me give you the rundown of how this works. If you’ll just follow me over here...”

There wasn’t much in the world that Jim wanted less than instructions on how to build a stuffed animal. But, not wanting to be rude to the obviously highly-caffinated woman, he nodded along as she showed him the bins of empty animals, which he found surprisingly creepy, and the giant rotating machines full of stuffing.

“So that’s basically how this works. Now, were you looking for something in particular today?”

Jim looked at his list again. “A pink cat...” he said, sheepishly.

The woman led him to a bin full of un-stuffed pink cats, all with freakishly large embroidered eyes and a white heart embroidered on their chests. Jim looked into the bin, then back at the woman.

“You don’t have any of these things like...already made?” Jim hadn’t expected this assignment to be quite so interactive. It was bad enough he had to buy this cat-let alone having to make it.

The woman shook her head, obviously trying to keep from laughing. “Not at the moment. Plus, I’m sure you want to pick out a special outfit for whoever this is for.”

Although relived that the employee had enough sense to realize the pink cat was not for him, Jim was not at all happy about this turn of events. He picked up the pink cat skin, and headed towards the stuffing machines with a sense of impending doom.

There were two other customers ahead of him on the way to the stuffing machines. Technically, there were three people, but two of them seemed to be traveling on this magical journey together. All of them were women, either Jim’s age or younger.

As the first customer approached the machine, Jim overheard her give her name to the machine attendant, who was seated on a stool next to the wall. “There’s no way my name is going anywhere near this thing...” Jim thought to himself. The woman was then instructed to take two fabric hearts from a bin attached to the machine, and the attendant led her in what was essentially a game of Simon Says. The woman was told to hold the hearts over her eyes, to hold them over her own heart, to kiss them, and the hop around in a circle. At first, this was quite amusing to watch. But as the first customer got her monkey stuffed and the pair of women in front of him were led through the same ritual, Jim began to realize that he would most likely be put through the same thing.

Just then, another attendant emerged from the back room and sat down beside the second stuffing machine. “I can take you over here, sir!” she called, in a voice that was much too cheery for so early in the morning.

Jim slowly walked around the pair of women in front of him and up to the other machine. He handed the un-stuffed cat to the attendant, hoping that the look in his eyes would be enough to let her know his feelings about being there.

However, it became clear that this woman had either been trained to ignore looks like his, or else simply not noticed it. “So, is this kitty for you or is it a gift for someone?”

Jim’s eyes widened a bit, amazed that he had actually been asked whether or not he was building a pink cat at 6:30 in the morning for his own pleasure. “It’s for someone else...a relative of my girlfriend’s.” he said, giving his best guess as to who this cat was actually for.

The attendant smiled. “Ok, then. Just pick a heart...”

This wasn’t happening. It just wasn’t. Jim picked a simple red heart out of the small bin, hoping that he would be spared the embarrassing ritual he had observed.

“Ok, now hold the heart on your forehead and...”

“Look” Jim interrupted the attendant. “It’s 6:30 in the morning. Do we really need to go through all of this?”

“I’m sorry, we get in trouble if we don’t do this.” she replied.

“You do? Even at 6:30 in the morning?” Jim suddenly felt a pang of sympathy, much like he had felt for the poor employees at Target.

“Look, I’ll make this fast. Um, turn around.” the attendant said. Jim obliged. “Ok...um, jump up and down three times.” Jim didn’t quite jump, but bounced three times. “Alright, that’s enough. It’s early for me, too.” The attendant took the heart out of Jim’s hand, inserted it into the cat, and then proceeded to fill the cat with stuffing.

“Does it feel ok?” she asked, handing the cat off to Jim.

“It’s fine.” Jim said quickly.

“Alright, have a good day.” Jim gladly stepped away from the machine, as another customer took his place. He glanced at the wall of clothing, but decided that if Pam had wanted an outfit with the cat she would have written that on the list. Instead, he took the cat straight to the register.

As he carried his awkward, house-shaped box out of the store, relieved to have accomplished another mission, he caught a glance of the stuffing attendant leading another customer through a heart ritual. And, for the second time that day, he realized that Dunder-Mifflin wasn’t the worst place in the world to work.

Chapter Five:

Feeling very manly with his Build-A-Bear box, Jim walked back out into the mall. Business was beginning to pick up, and it was getting more crowded. He pulled out his list again and, taking out a pen from his pocket, boldly crossed out the pink cat. He then focused his attention to the third item on the list:

Christmas Classics Collection/FYE

After what he had just been through, FYE sounded like a dream. Unfortunately, it was all the way at the other end of the mall, meaning he had quite a walk ahead of him with his house-shaped box. He headed in the direction of FYE, a constant stream of “excuse me”s coming out of his mouth as his box bumped against the other shoppers. With each person he jabbed with a cardboard corner, he wanted to crawl farther and farther into his coat. About halfway to his destination, he heard voice call out “Tuna!”

There was only one person on the planet that called him “Tuna”, and that person just happened to be one of the people he could have not wanted to see less today. He paused, wondering if he could pretend he didn’t hear Andy’s call, but as he did so he felt a hand slap him on the shoulder. It was too late.

“Tuna! What are you doing here?” Andy said, his voice showing no signs of sleep deprivation at all. He then looked down at Jim’s Build-A-Bear box. “Making yourself a new friend?”

“Um, no...just picking up some things for Pam. Which I should be getting back to...” Jim attempted to turn around and walk away, but Andy grabbed his shoulder again.

“Hey, since you’re here I’ve got a little situation that I could use your help with. See, me and Angela...we’re kind of together now. Well we’re not together, together but you get my drift. And I am having the hardest time finding her a Christmas present. It has to be something totally awesome, you know, but...”

“Look, Andy...I really would like to help but...”

“Great! Come on, I’ll show you what I’ve been looking at!” Before Jim knew what was happening Andy had led him over to a kiosk selling various photo gifts. He picked up a cube with a photo on each side, except for one with a speaker and two buttons.

“See, you can put pictures in it and then record a message. I was thinking I’d put some of the pictures she has of her and that cat that Dwight killed...”

Jim watched the kiosk operator’s eyes widen at this as Andy spoke.

“...and then I could record myself singing a romantic ballad. How does that sound?”

A photo cube filled with pictures of Angela and her dead cat, which caused the breakup of her prior relationship, paired with a recording of Andy singing sounded like the worst gift on Earth. And Jim knew deep down that he should be honest with Andy. But, weighing his options, he decided that letting Angela wind up with a horrible Christmas gift would still be better than spending any more time with Andy in the mall.

Just then, Andy spoke up again. “Or I could go into Victoria’s Secret...I know she doesn’t seem to be that type but I mean, come on...there has to be something....”

“No! Um, Andy, I think the photo thing is a great idea. You should just get that.” Jim said urgently, hoping that Andy would just listen to him and let him get on with his list.

“Yeah, I think so too. Thanks for the help, Tuna!. Say, is Pam here somewhere?”

Had Jim been fully awake, he would have realized that the proper thing to do would be to protect Pam by saying she was not there. However, in his current state that thought process didn’t exactly take place, and he nodded his head. “Not sure where, though.”

“Great. I’ll go see if I can track her down...that artsy mind of hers would be great for helping me pick out a card.” And with that, Andy hurried off into the crowd of shoppers.

Realizing what he had just done, Jim whipped out his phone and brought up a new text message.

Andy is in the mall. Hide. P.S. You owe me.

He waited until Andy was a safe distance away before continuing on his own mission. “Next year” he said to himself “we’re buying everything online.”

After escaping Andy, Jim hurried through the rest of the mall. He quickly ran down the list of the other Dunder Mifflin employees in his head, trying to figure out if he should be on the lookout for anyone else. He knew for sure that Dwight wouldn’t be at the mall on Black Friday, or on any other day for that matter. There’s no way Angela would partake in any of this. He doubted that Stanley or Merideth would be awake...he was probably safe now.

When he finally reached FYE, he was relieved to see that it wasn’t quite as crowded as some of the other stores. Apparently they had no big sale going on just for that morning like other stores did. He walked in and went up to a shelf adorned with holiday decorations which had been dedicated to various holiday films.

“Now let’s see...what was I supposed to get...” Jim asked himself as he pulled out his list. He scanned the shelf looking for “Christmas Classics Collection”. His eye was quickly drawn to a red and silver box bearing those words. This had to be it, right? Then, his eye caught another box. This one was blue, and had the words “Christmas Television Classics” on it. He then noticed a third box with the title “Christmas Television Favorites”.

“Of course...” Jim said. “This can’t be easy, can it?” He held the red box in one hand and the blue box in another. Both had pictures of Rudolph on the front, but the blue box also had a picture of the Grinch.

“Why release two DVD sets of the exact same thing?” he wondered aloud as he tried to decide which one Pam really had wanted. The list had said specifically “Christmas classics collection”, but Jim wasn’t sure if Pam had specifically meant the one in the red and silver box with that exact title, or a general collection of Christmas classics, which there seemed to be an unlimited number of.

Jim looked at his watch. It was now 7 in the morning. He had spent half of his alloted time and had only obtained two of the items on the list. In a move that even he would come to regret, he started grabbing every DVD collection off the shelf with any variation on the phrase Christmas Classics in the title. He ended up with six different sets.

As he handed them to the bleary-eyed cashier, she said “Wow, you sure must love Christmas!”

Jim smiled as politely as he could, repressing his desire to explain to this young lady that not only did he not love Christmas right now, he was beginning to hate it. As he walked out of the store, he began to pull his list out of his pocket. Before he could read the next item, however, he heard yet another familiar voice.

“Hey, Jimbo! What’s going on?”

“Oh, for the love of God...” Jim whispered to himself. He took a deep breath and turned around, and sure enough Michael Gary Scott was standing right next to him.

“What are you doing here? Never took you for an early bird.” Michael asked, his hands full of various shopping bags.

“Oh, I’m not. I’m actually here with Pam...”

“No kidding, Pam’s here too? I just bumped into Andy a little while ago...it’s like everyone from the office is here. Too bad we can’t get paid for today, huh?” Michael said.

“Yeah, um, actually, I should be going, I have to go meet Pam at the food court...” Jim knew that saying he had more shopping to do would most likely be taken as an invitation for Michael to come along.

“Oh, good. I’ve got to head that way to meet Jan.”

Of course, Jim thought. Jan was here too. Although he wouldn’t quite put it past his boss to get up at the crack of dawn to come shopping on his own accord. He took a deep breath, realizing there was no way he could talk his way out of this one. At least he would have the time spent walking through the mall to come up with a reason why Pam wouldn’t be at the food court, since he wasn’t actually supposed to meet her for another 45 minutes.

As they were walking towards the escalators, Michael suddenly grabbed Jim’s arm. Jim turned his head to the left, and noticed they were right in front of Victoria’s Secret.

“Hey, you might want to go in there and get something for Pam...”

“Oh, I’m not really doing that today.” Jim said quickly, trying to avoid the conversation that was rapidly coming up.

“All I’m saying is that when I took all the girls there that day Phyllis got flashed, all she got was this robe. I felt kind of bad for her.” Michael didn’t notice Jim’s discomfort with the topic at all, although that was to be expected.

Jim took a moment to absorb the fact that Michael had taken all the women of the office into Victoria’s Secret. He had always meant to ask how that trip to the mall went, but when Michael’s relationship with Jan blew up minutes after the returned the subject had left his mind.

Suddenly, Michael let out a yawn. “Man, it feels like I’ve been up forever. I don’t know how Jan talked me into this.”

Ahh, so Michael was in the same boat as Jim. “Maybe she asked you right after Thanksgiving dinner. That’s what Pam did.”

“No kidding...you two spent Thanksgiving together?” Michael asked.

Uh-oh. That statement was a bit more loaded than Jim had intended it to be. “Um...yeah. We went to her parent’s house.”

“Wow. You guys are like...a real couple.” Michael said.

“Yeah.” Jim replied, pausing for a moment. “Yeah, we are.”

When the two men reached the food court, neither Pam or Jan was anywhere in sight. They waited for about twenty minutes, with Jim constantly hoping Jan would appear around the corner and take Michael away so he could try to get some more items off his list. Although, running into Michael was a pretty good excuse for not completing his mission.

“So, when exactly were you supposed to meet Jan?” Jim asked.

“At 7:15. I have to carry the bags out to the car so she doesn’t have to carry them around all day.” Michael said.

“Well...shouldn’t you be meeting her by the front doors then?”

A look of realization came across Michael’s face. “You’re right. I’m supposed to meet her under the food court by the front doors! Come on, let’s go.”

Jim didn’t bother to ask why he was being dragged along. At this point, he was too tired to fight anything anymore. He followed Michael down the escalator and to the front entrance where he had left Pam an hour and a half ago and took a seat next to Michael on the nearest bench.

Michael let out a yawn. “It’s been a long day” he said, leaning against the pillar next to the bench.

The act of sitting down had caused Jim to lose whatever motivation he had to keep himself awake. He managed to nod in response to Michael’s statement, before dozing off himself.

Chapter Six
The Final Straw

After escaping Andy, Jim hurried through the rest of the mall. He quickly ran down the list of the other Dunder Mifflin employees in his head, trying to figure out if he should be on the lookout for anyone else. He knew for sure that Dwight wouldn’t be at the mall on Black Friday, or on any other day for that matter. There’s no way Angela would partake in any of this. He doubted that Stanley or Meredith would be awake...he was probably safe now.

When he finally reached FYE, he was relieved to see that it wasn’t quite as crowded as some of the other stores. Apparently they had no big sale going on just for that morning like other stores did. He walked in and went up to a shelf adorned with holiday decorations which had been dedicated to various holiday films.

“Now let’s see...what was I supposed to get...” Jim asked himself as he pulled out his list. He scanned the shelf looking for “Christmas Classics Collection”. His eye was quickly drawn to a red and silver box bearing those words. This had to be it, right? Then, his eye caught another box. This one was blue, and had the words “Christmas Television Classics” on it. He then noticed a third box with the title “Christmas Television Favorites”.

“Of course...” Jim said. “This can’t be easy, can it?” He held the red box in one hand and the blue box in another. Both had pictures of Rudolph on the front, but the blue box also had a picture of the Grinch.

“Why release two DVD sets of the exact same thing?” he wondered aloud as he tried to decide which one Pam really had wanted. The list had said specifically “Christmas classics collection”, but Jim wasn’t sure if Pam had specifically meant the one in the red and silver box with that exact title, or a general collection of Christmas classics, which there seemed to be an unlimited number of.

Jim looked at his watch. It was now 7 in the morning. He had spent half of his alloted time and had only obtained two of the items on the list. In a move that even he would come to regret, he started grabbing every DVD collection off the shelf with any variation on the phrase Christmas Classics in the title. He ended up with six different sets.

As he handed them to the bleary-eyed cashier, she said “Wow, you sure must love Christmas!”

Jim smiled as politely as he could, repressing his desire to explain to this young lady that not only did he not love Christmas right now, he was beginning to hate it. As he walked out of the store, he began to pull his list out of his pocket. Before he could read the next item, however, he heard yet another familiar voice.

“Hey, Jimbo! What’s going on?”

“Oh, for the love of God...” Jim whispered to himself. He took a deep breath and turned around, and sure enough Michael Gary Scott was standing right next to him.

“What are you doing here? Never took you for an early bird.” Michael asked, his hands full of various shopping bags.

“Oh, I’m not. I’m actually here with Pam...”

“No kidding, Pam’s here too? I just bumped into Andy a little while ago...it’s like everyone from the office is here. Too bad we can’t get paid for today, huh?” Michael said.

“Yeah, um, actually, I should be going, I have to go meet Pam at the food court...” Jim knew that saying he had more shopping to do would most likely be taken as an invitation for Michael to come along.

“Oh, good. I’ve got to head that way to meet Jan.”

Of course, Jim thought. Jan was here too. Although he wouldn’t quite put it past his boss to get up at the crack of dawn to come shopping on his own accord. He took a deep breath, realizing there was no way he could talk his way out of this one. At least he would have the time spent walking through the mall to come up with a reason why Pam wouldn’t be at the food court, since he wasn’t actually supposed to meet her for another 45 minutes.

As they were walking towards the escalators, Michael suddenly grabbed Jim’s arm. Jim turned his head to the left, and noticed they were right in front of Victoria’s Secret.

“Hey, you might want to go in there and get something for Pam...”

“Oh, I’m not really doing that today.” Jim said quickly, trying to avoid the conversation that was rapidly coming up.

“All I’m saying is that when I took all the girls there that day Phyllis got flashed, all she got was this robe. I felt kind of bad for her.” Michael didn’t notice Jim’s discomfort with the topic at all, although that was to be expected.

Jim took a moment to absorb the fact that Michael had taken all the women of the office into Victoria’s Secret. He had always meant to ask how that trip to the mall went, but when Michael’s relationship with Jan blew up minutes after the returned the subject had left his mind.

Suddenly, Michael let out a yawn. “Man, it feels like I’ve been up forever. I don’t know how Jan talked me into this.”

Ahh, so Michael was in the same boat as Jim. “Maybe she asked you right after Thanksgiving dinner. That’s what Pam did.”

“No kidding...you two spent Thanksgiving together?” Michael asked.

Uh-oh. That statement was a bit more loaded than Jim had intended it to be. “Um...yeah. We went to her parent’s house.”

“Wow. You guys are like...a real couple.” Michael said.

“Yeah.” Jim replied, pausing for a moment. “Yeah, we are.”

When the two men reached the food court, neither Pam or Jan was anywhere in sight. They waited for about twenty minutes, with Jim constantly hoping Jan would appear around the corner and take Michael away so he could try to get some more items off his list. Although, running into Michael was a pretty good excuse for not completing his mission.

“So, when exactly were you supposed to meet Jan?” Jim asked.

“At 7:15. I have to carry the bags out to the car so she doesn’t have to carry them around all day.” Michael said.

“Well...shouldn’t you be meeting her by the front doors then?”

A look of realization came across Michael’s face. “You’re right. Come on, let’s go.”

Jim didn’t bother to ask why he was being dragged along. At this point, he was too tired to fight anything anymore. He followed Michael down the escalator and to the front entrance where he had left Pam an hour and a half ago and took a seat next to Michael on the nearest bench.

Michael let out a yawn. “It’s been a long day” he said, leaning against the pillar next to the bench.

The act of sitting down had caused Jim to lose whatever motivation he had to keep himself awake. He managed to nod in response to Michael’s statement, before dozing off himself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One Hour Later

Pam checked her cell phone as she hurried to the food court. She had gotten held up while waiting in a long line and was now 15 minutes late to meet Jim. As she scoured the food court looking for him, she suddenly heard another voice call out her name.
“Pam!”

She turned around quickly, and was surprised to see Jan sitting at a table behind her. Checking her cell phone again, she made her way through the maze of tables, all the while keeping an eye out for Jim.

“What are you doing here?” Pam asked. She never pictured Jan as being the type to get up before sunrise to go shopping.

“Michael and I are doing some holiday shopping. Have you seen him, by the way? He was supposed to meet me here almost an hour ago.”

Pam had to hold back a shudder at the fact that her boss was in the same mall as her, and had been all morning. “No, I haven’t seen him.” she said, relieved to be able to say so honestly.

Jan let out a heavy sigh. “I told him to meet me here at 7:30. Honestly, sometimes I don’t know what’s wrong with him. So, are you here by yourself?”

“Um...no. Actually I’m here with Jim-I’m supposed to be meeting him here.” Pam said, her eyes darting around the crowded food court.

“Really? Your first Thanksgiving together and you convinced him to do this? Nice work.” Jan said, looking at her cell phone again.

“You haven’t seen Jim anywhere, have you?” Pam asked. She was sure that Jim wouldn’t have let anything prevent him from getting to their meeting place, and thus getting home, as soon as possible.

Jan shook her head. “Nope.” She then turned her attention to Pam’s various shopping bags. “Get anything good?”

“Oh, um...nothing special. Just some gifts for people.” Pam said. “What about you?”

“Same here. Did you guys go anywhere else today?”

Deciding that Jim would still be able to find her if she sat down, Pam took a seat at the table and told Jan about the trip to Target earlier that morning.

“Wow, I’m impressed.” Jan said after hearing that Jim got up at 4:30 to go to Target with her. “I had a hard time getting Michael here at 6 today.”

The two women compared stories of their mornings, and compared what sales at the mall they had taken advantage of. After they had sat there for about 20 minutes, Jan once again glanced at her cell phone.

“God! Where is he?” she exclaimed.

Pam took out her own phone and dialed Jim’s number. After listening to it ring and eventually go to voice mail, she said “I’m getting kind of worried about Jim too. Do you think we should go look for them?”

Jan sighed again. “I guess so. I don’t think sitting here is going to do anything.”

So the two women gathered up their bags and set out on a rescue mission. As they scoured the mall shouting out their boyfriends’ names, a security guard came up to them.

“Can I help you ladies? Did you lose your children?” she asked.

Jan opened her mouth to speak, but paused for a moment. “Well...not exactly.”

“We’re looking for our boyfriends, actually.” Pam said. “They were supposed to meet us at the food court, and we’re not sure where they are.”

The security guard laughed. “Come on, we’ll go to the front desk and page them.”

The guard led them to the front of the mall. As Jan was giving the security guard the information to page Michael and Jim, Pam noticed a house-shaped box sitting by a bench. She moved a bit closer, and had to stop herself from laughing out loud at what she saw.

Next to each other on the bench, Michael and Jim were sound asleep. Jim had discarded his various bags on the ground next to the bench, while Michael was using his as a pillow.

“Jan! I found them!” Pam called out.

Jan hurried to Pam’s side, and put her hand over her mouth to quiet her own laughter. “Oh my God. How funny is that.” she said.

“I guess I’d better wake him up so we can get home.” Pam said, kneeling down by the bench. “Come on, Jim. Time to wake up...”

Jim turned his head and covered his face with his arm. “Five more minutes...” he muttered.

“No, we’ve got to go home.” Pam put her arm around Jim and pulled him to his feet. “Come on, I’ll help you to the car.” As she pulled Jim towards the doors, she turned back and smiled at Jan, who was having considerably less luck waking up Michael. “Good luck!” she half-whispered.

Jan smiled in response, and then went back to trying to wake up her boyfriend.
Twenty minutes later, Pam pushed Jim through their own front door. She let him collapse on the couch, not bothering to get him to the bedroom, and then went back to unloading the shopping bags out of the car.

Two hours after arriving home, Jim woke up to the sound of pans banging in the kitchen. He sat up, saw the pile of shopping bags, and the memories of that morning came rushing back to him. Suddenly, Pam came out of the kitchen holding two plates of what looked like grilled cheese.

“Hey, you’re awake! Here, I made lunch. I know it’s not going to be as good as yours...”

Jim smiled and took one of the plates, and Pam sat next to him on the couch. “So admit it. Didn’t you have fun this morning?” she asked.

“Did I have fun? Well let’s see...I was dragged out of bed before sunrise, was abandoned in a war zone in Target, then was abandoned in the mall where I ran into not one, not two, not three, but four people from work...um, yeah. I’d say I had fun.”

“I’m sorry, I should have stayed with you...” Pam started.

“No...really, it was a good experience. Not one I care to repeat, but a good experience. But you owe me, big time. And I know just how you can pay me back...” Jim said, getting up off the couch and going over to the pile of shopping bags. He pulled out the six DVD sets he had purchased earlier. “We are going to watch every single one of these DVDs in a row.”

Pam covered her mouth as she laughed. “No way. Why did you buy so many?”

“For revenge. Come on, Beesly. Get ready to get in the Christmas spirit...” Jim took out the first disc and put it in the DVD player.

Three hours later, somewhere during the middle of “Nestor, The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey”, Jim noticed Pam slumping against his shoulder. “What, Nestor just isn’t exciting enough for you?” he joked.

“This is so not fair..” Pam muttered.

“You let me run into Michael Scott in the mall. It’s fair.”

They stayed there for most of the night, Pam drifting in and out of consciousness on Jim’s shoulder. When the last special finally ended, Jim carried her into their bedroom, proud of the revenge he had carried out. As he was getting ready for bed, reveling in his assumed victory, he heard her call out to him from across the room.”

“Jim?”

“Yeah?” Jim called back, not sure if she was fully awake. He made his way to the side of the bed.

“Thanks for coming with me today. I love you.” she muttered.

Jim smiled, and kissed her forehead. “I love you too.” And he was pretty sure today had been the ultimate proof of it.