"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

The question hangs in the air perhaps longer than it should.  He allows his mind to wander for a second, again glancing down at the note on his lap.

"Don't forget us when you're famous."

He thinks about Pam, her speech at the beach, how he loved her for so long in silence.  How he still loves her now, even if he doesn't want to admit it.  And how she broke his heart.

He thinks about Karen, about moving to New York with her, how she loves him regardless of his messy past with Pam.  How she is there, and there was no risk involved in being with her.  She would never break his heart, because he could never truly give it to her.

He closes his eyes and imagines.

He opens his eyes and answers David Wallace's question.

"I see myself living here in New York, in an upper level management position at the company."  He takes a deep breath and smiles.  He feels like he's choking.

David smiles back.  "Great.  Listen Jim, I have to tell you, you're my first choice for this position.  I have to get some of the red tape out of the way, but you'll be hearing from me very soon."  He stands up and offers his hand.  Jim takes it, thanks him, and says he's looking forward to hearing from him.  He walks out of Dunder Mifflin, takes out his cell phone, and calls Karen.

He meets her outside at a fountain in a park.  He doesn't want to tell her he probably got the job, since she was up for the same position, so he just says it went well.  He smiles a lot, and makes a few jokes.  She smiles back.  They walk through the park, holding hands.  They talk about moving to the city, where they will live, and finding a job for whichever one of them doesn't get the corporate one. 

Somewhere deep in his gut, he feels a twinge, but he shakes it off.  Karen, corporate, and New York City are his future.

When he goes to work the next day, he thanks Pam for her note.  They have a pleasant, polite conversation about his interview.  She seems genuinely happy for him, wishing him luck with everything.  He notices Karen trying not to listen from across the room.  He stays at Pam's desk a few seconds longer than he should.

When he finally walks away, he feels it again.  A sense of disquiet.  But again, he pushes it to the side, reminding himself that he is doing the right thing.  He will be better off in New York, away from Pam, and starting over (again) with Karen.  He starts to think he could love Karen.  He just needs to get away from here.

When David Wallace calls and offers him the job later, he takes it.

He starts his new job two weeks later. Karen quits Dunder Mifflin and comes with him. They live in a hotel for the time being, until she finds a job of her own.

He's content. He feels challenged by the new responsibilities. He enjoys training, because every day he learns something new.

Every night they go out to eat at trendy restaurants, and sometimes they go dancing. Jim hates dancing, but he does it for her. He meets her friends and he tries to become friendly with their boyfriends, but he finds he has nothing in common with any of them.

When Karen gets a job at an ad agency, they find an apartment. It's small, but it's in a good neighborhood. They talk about maybe getting a dog.

It's two months before he has to return to Scranton.  Although he talks to Michael several times a week, he hasn't yet spoken to Pam.  Every so often he gets a friendly email from her, and he replies, but when he calls the office, he dials Michael directly.

When he walks in the door she smiles warmly at him.  Her hair is different.  Softer, and without her ever-present barrette.  He greets her with a grin and a joke, and they make small talk.  She's doing well, she says.  She is taking a graphic arts class that she loves, and she's thinking about moving to a bigger apartment.

She asks how he's doing, and how Karen is.  He can tell she is trying to keep the conversation light.  He feels the heaviness in his gut returning, so he excuses himself to go talk to Michael.

At the end of the day, he stops at her desk.  Part of him wants to talk to her more, to ask her if she wants to get some coffee and maybe they could catch up.  But he stops himself, and just tells her goodbye instead.

In the fall, Karen starts talking about marriage.  He balks, and always tries to change the subject.  She finally confronts him, and he tells her that he is still adjusting to this new life, that he needs more time before he thinks about making that step.  She seems to accept that, and backs off.

Every two weeks he drives to Scranton to meet with Michael.  He always gets butterflies in his stomach and feels a vague sense of nausea when he emerges from the elevator and enters the office.  But that feeling always dissipates after he greets her, and when they talk and laugh together it feels like the old days for just a few minutes, until something invariably snaps him out of it.

But one day, he gives in to himself, and asks her to go for coffee.  She agrees, and it isn't even awkward as they sit and talk about the things he has missed since moving to New York.  Two hours later he realizes he still has a long drive ahead of him, so he reluctantly tells her he has to get going.  He walks her to her car and lingers a moment.  After he says goodbye she calls after him.

"Jim!"

He turns.

"I've missed you."

"Me too," he says.  When he gets in his car, he feels the nausea come back.

When he gets home that night Karen asks where he's been.  He lies, and tells her he went out with Michael.  He can tell she doesn't completely believe him, but he kisses her and asks her if she wants to go to bed.

In the morning, she is making coffee when he goes into the kitchen.  Her hair is tossed back in a messy bun, and she looks serious.  He asks her, hesitantly, if something is wrong.  She shakes her head, but she still won't look at him.

He feels guilty, but he doesn't know why, since it's not like anything happened with Pam.  They were just friends.  There was nothing wrong with being friends.  Still, he doesn't want Karen to feel threatened in any way.

The following week he buys her a ring, and proposes to her in a romantic Italian restaurant.  She throws her arms around him and accepts.  He is glad she's happy.

It takes him about four months to tell Pam that he and Karen are engaged. He mentions it offhand in the breakroom, as a passing comment, because the wedding invitations will be going out soon and he doesn't want her to hear from someone else. He does not expect the reaction he gets. She blinks slowly, nods, and walks away without a word. He calls after her. She turns and says, "Congratulations, Jim. You deserve to be happy," and continues on back to her desk.

He feels like a jerk, but he's not sure how to make it right with her. The next time he comes in, she greets him distantly, and she won't talk to him.

Later on that week, in a meeting about the new corporate website, he learns that a position has opened up for a graphic designer. He thinks of her immediately, and calls her to tell her about the job. "It would be a great opportunity for you," he says.

She is still distant but she's open to the possibility. "I'll think about it," she tells him, and then adds, "Jim? Thanks."

A month later she accepts the position and transfers to the corporate office.

He doesn't tell Karen that Pam transferred.  He's not sure why, exactly, but he figures there is no need to mention it and chances of her finding out are slim.

Then one day he comes home and Karen is sorting through the mail.  "Hey," she says, "did Pam move?"

He freezes.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because our invitation got returned.  It says 'no forwarding address.'"

"You invited Pam to the wedding?" he asks, dumbfounded.

"Of course I did.  She's your friend, isn't she?"  She says it with a trace of bitterness.

He sighs and tells her that Pam lives in New York now, that she works at corporate.  She stares at him as he waits for her to ask why he didn't tell her, but she doesn't.  Instead she just nods and goes back to sorting the mail.

The next day he finds the invitation in his bag with a note from Karen.  "Why don't you give this to Pam when you see her?"  He doesn't.

He is sick on his wedding day.  He throws up three or four times before the ceremony.  He shakes uncontrollably when he says the vows.  Everyone thinks it's nerves.  Michael Scott even makes fun of him when he makes his obligatory toast, uninvited.  But he puts on a brave face and convinces himself that they're all right, he's just nervous.

He's glad Pam isn't there to see it.  When he gets back from his honeymoon she avoids him for weeks before he finally finds her in the cafeteria.

"Hey," he says quietly.

She looks up from her book and says, "Oh, hi."

He sits down next to her.  "How have you been?  I haven't seen you in a while."  He doesn't want to mention the wedding.

"I'm good.  How was the wedding?"

"Oh, it was great.  I was a little nervous," he chuckles, and looks away.

"Yeah, I can imagine."  She smiles, but it's forced.  She looks back down at her book.

"Pam - " he begins.  She looks up, but he doesn't know what else to say.

He and Karen are married about a year when it happens. 

He finds himself working on the website with Pam when he accidentally on-purpose volunteers to oversee the project.  They had been superficially friendly all this time, but there was still the vast chasm between them that they never spoke of.

But with the project, they both put in late hours, sometimes alone, sometimes with other employees.  As the months go on, they begin to slide back into the easy banter of their earlier years.  He rarely mentions Karen.  He knows that Pam is seeing someone, but she also rarely mentions it, and he's not sure how serious it is. 

Then he finds out that they have to go to Boston for two days for a conference.  He thinks about backing out.  He's scared to be alone with her, because he doesn't trust himself.  He doesn't want to end up doing something that would hurt Karen.  But he goes anyway.

That night they find themselves laughing over drinks at the hotel bar.  He feels more alive and happier than he has been in years.  He walks her to her room when the bar closes, and presses his lips against hers as he backs her into the door.  His tongue finds hers, and he hardens as he presses against her.  She slides the key into the door and it opens, and they spill into the room, pawing and grabbing at each other, removing their clothing as they fall onto the bed.

Later, when he's inside her and she's moaning his name into his neck, he doesn't think of Karen at all.

The next morning, Jim is paralyzed with guilt.  Not only for what he had done, but for the fact that if he had to do it all over again, he would.  His chest is constricted as he looks at Pam lying next to him, everything he's ever wanted.  Yet he had cheated on his wife.  He was an adulterer.  He was That Guy, the one he never thought he would be.

Not surprisingly, things are awkward with Pam as they go through the day.  He can't stop staring at her all through the conference.  She looks as though she is going to burst into tears at any moment.  He tries to talk to her at lunch, but he chokes on his words.  She just smiles and her eyes glisten.  They don't really talk on the flight home.

When he gets home that night, he quietly opens the door and tries to sneak to bed without waking Karen.  But she's up reading, and she asks how his trip was.  He says he is really tired and wants to go to sleep, that he'll talk to her in the morning.

But he can't sleep.  He feels sick for betraying Karen, yet he can't stop thinking about what it felt like to finally make love to Pam.  He yearns for it, like a drug.

Instead he gets up and pours himself a drink.

The second time it happens, he feels less guilty.  It's a Saturday night, and he had had a big fight with Karen, over something so trivial he couldn't even remember what it was, and he ended up at Pam's apartment.  It doesn't take much for them to fall into bed, naked and sweaty, as he whispers that he loves her.

It continues like this for a while.  Sometimes they go for weeks without anything happening, but eventually they always end up doing it again.  Twice they even have sex at work when everyone else had left for the day.  They never talk about Karen, or what this means in the longterm. 

At home, Jim tries to pretend that everything is normal, but Karen senses a change.  When months have passed without any intimacy, she finally blows up and asks him what's going on.  He just says he's tired, that work is difficult, and a bunch of other excuses he knows she doesn't buy.  His hands get clammy and he feels the nausea coming back, so he does the only thing he can think of to throw her off the scent.  He grabs her and kisses her, and tells her he's sorry for being a jerk lately.  Later on, when he makes love to his wife, he thinks of Pam, and is paralyzed with guilt.

He knows he can't keep doing this.

One day, he tells Pam that he's going to leave Karen.  She breaks down with tears of happiness, and for once, they talk about It.  He tells her he made a mistake, that his whole marriage, that this whole lifestyle, was just one big fat mistake.  She agrees with a playful laugh.  As they lie in bed, he holds her in his arms and thinks about the future.  The real future, with him and Pam together.

It all changes when he goes home.  Karen is sitting in the dark, on the couch.  She asks him where he's been.  Again, he lies.  She throws something at him, and calls him a liar.

He doesn't know what to do.  She stands up, and says coldly, "Look.  At.  It."  He bends over and picks up the object.  At first he doesn't know what it is, but then the recognition rides in on a wave of nausea.

"It's positive," she says.  "You need to stop whatever it is you're doing, Jim.  For the sake of your child."

She turns and storms out of the room.  He sinks down into the couch, clutching the pregnancy test, and begins to sob.

The next day, he tells Pam.  He watches her heart break before his eyes, and she collapses.  He holds her for a long time as they both cry, and he tells her that he will always love her.

But they both know this thing between them has to end.  He feels like his soul has been torn apart.  When he leaves her for the last time, he kisses her gently on the lips instead of saying goodbye.

He thinks of that night at the beach, how she said she wished he would come back.  He wishes he had listened to her then.

When he gets home Karen is waiting.  He tells her that everything is alright, that he will be there for her and the baby no matter what.   She accepts his words, even as he admits to nothing.  They start over.  Again.

When he goes to work on Monday, he finds out that Pam has quit.  No one in her department knows where she went.  He thinks about going to find her, to make sure she's okay, but he forces himself not to.

He thinks about her every single day.

His son is born eight and a half months later. He loves him more than he ever thought possible. He's a good dad.

He is not, however, a good husband, and he knows it. He and Karen don't have big explosive fights anymore, but they slip into a routine where they are more like roommates than husband and wife, and they barely talk to each other.

When the baby is about a year old, he sleeps with a girl he meets at an after-work happy hour. The whole office knows it, but no one says anything. Karen never finds out.

Then a few months later, he ends up having sex with a girl that goes to his gym. He fucks her a few times over the course of a couple months. It's a casual thing, and he knows he should feel bad, but he doesn't. The part of him that used to feel things like that just doesn't exist anymore.

He also starts drinking a lot. It starts as one drink just to take the edge off, and it ends up being something he needs in order to get through the day.

Truth be told, his son is his only reason for existing. The only joy and light in his life. He knows, though, that soon Karen will have had enough, and that joy will be taken away.

It is a summer day, and he's sitting at an outside cafe, sipping ice coffee.  He is thirty-eight years old, divorced, father of one, and the Vice President of Marketing, DMI- Northeast.  He goes to AA meetings once a week, lives alone, and every other weekend he has custody of his eight-year-old son, who lives upstate with his mother, and who happens to hate his guts.

So this is just another day in the life of James Halpert, when he happens to spot her walking across the street, pushing a stroller. 

At first he can't believe it, but he can't just let her walk on by without finding out for sure, so he ditches his coffee and sprints across the street.

"Pam!" he yells.

She stops, and turns around.

"Jim?"

He nods, and runs up to her.  She throws her arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

"I can't believe it's you," he says, in barely a whisper.

She pulls back and says, "Me neither."  They smile at each other.  He looks down at the stroller.  "And who is this?"

The little boy was fast asleep.  "That's Ben," she says.  "He's three.  Too big for a stroller, really, but he's a runner-awayer."  They both laugh.

"How are you?" he asks.

"I'm okay," she answers, looking down.  "I'm divorced.  Ben's dad left about a year ago, and I'm working at a web design company."

He nods, but doesn't respond.  He just can't believe she's standing here in front of him.  After an awkward moment, he asks her if she wants to join him back at the cafe, so they could chat.  She agrees, but he senses hesitation.

They chat for an hour, and it's almost like the old days.  Almost.

As he sits there, looking at her holding her child on her lap, he sees everything he could have had. And suddenly, as if she could read his thoughts, she asks him, "Do you ever wish things turned out differently?"

He looks down at his coffee and sighs. "Pam, if I had it to do all over again, I would have walked out of that interview with David Wallace, broke up with Karen, and rushed back to Scranton to be with you." He pauses, and looks at the little boy, who was playing with packets of sugar. "I love my son more than anything," he continues, "but I made a lot of mistakes. Too many to count."

She's quiet, and her eyes look a little teary. "I wish there was a way to go back in time and fix everything I've done," he added. Her eyes tell him that she wishes this too.

Ben is starting to get restless, so they prepare to say goodbye. Jim doesn't know if it's for forever, or just for now, but they don't exchange phone numbers or promise to meet again. He knows that it's probably too late, and he will probably have to live with the reality of that for the rest of his life.

They hug for a long moment, and then she turns, pushing the stroller away. He watches until he loses sight of her, and then he sits down again. He closes his eyes and imagines.

He opens his eyes and answers David Wallace's question.

"I see myself... not... here."  He is surprised at himself.

"Excuse me?" 

Jim stands, awkwardly shuffling his feet.  "I'm sorry, but I have to remove myself from consideration for this job.  I can't really explain, other than I just now realized that this isn't what I want.  I'm really sorry for wasting your time."

David Wallace stands, smiles and shakes Jim's hand.  "Well then, I wish you luck."

He walks out of the office, a sense of relief washing over him.  He can't understand how he knows he's doing the right thing, but he follows his gut.  He calls Karen and asks if he can meet her somewhere.  She points him in the direction of a park, and he finds her sitting near a fountain, a big smile on her face.

He doesn't waste any time, "Hey.  Um, we need to talk."

It's a sunny day in June, and they are at the beach. He is thirty-eight years old, married, father of two, and Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. As their boys frolic in the sand, he looks over and sees his wife, busily sketching in her notebook.

"Pam?"

"Yeah?" she answers, distracted.

"I love you."

She looks up. "I know," she says, and smiles her thousand-watt smile at him.

In his mind, he looks back at the road which led him here, and realizes that, when it all comes down to it, there was really only one path to choose.



The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost