Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


***

She hands him to you, wrapped snuggly in a light blue blanket, so small and fragile. You bring your arms in tightly because they’re so big and he’s so small. His eyes flutter open, and then stay closed as he nestles into your arms and drifts back off to sleep. You take a cautious step backward and ease down into the chair by the window. You gently lean in and kiss his cheek, and when your nose touches his, it is then you vow never to leave his side.

***

He cries in the middle of the night and you turn off the monitor and jump out of bed before Pam wakes. You reach into the crib and lift him up onto your shoulder and move your hand across his back. When he doesn’t stop crying, you lower him off your shoulder into your arms. You sit down in the rocking chair and as you rock, you try to quiet him down. After a few minutes, his crying subsides and, with your thumb, you wipe the wet tears from his cheek. You whisper to him and his eyes gaze up at you, but slowly get heavy.

You think about sports teams and girls, and what lies ahead of him. But for right now, you’re happy just living one moment at a time.


***

You quietly walk into the room so as not to wake him if he is still asleep. You hear him shaking one of his toys and quietly babbling to himself. You lean over the side of the crib and notice that he is facing away from you, looking at himself in the mirror. You rest your arms against the rails and when he hears them creak he turns his head and smiles up at you. His eyes squint and he makes bubbles in his mouth with his tongue and you can’t think of anything in the world cuter than him.

***

He rests his little head on your shoulder and you can feel his breaths against your heart. You remember how he cried when he heard the first loud booms. You rubbed a soothing hand across his back as he hid his face in your shoulder, where he stayed the entire time. He fell asleep with his hand gracing your neck a short time after you began the stroll back to the house, the sea wind tousling his light brown hair. You hold your oversized sweatshirt in your right hand and drape it over him, covering his little legs and back.

He doesn’t wake when you lay him into his crib. His mouth stays open as he breathes. You keep your sweatshirt over him and if it’s possible, you love him even more.

***

You call him ‘Buddy’ and he calls you, ‘Dada.’ He sits at the counter in the kitchen and watches you cook breakfast. He is so eager to help you that he can’t sit still. You laugh at him and take his hands in yours and show him how to crack an egg on the side of a bowl. His face lights up and you know it’s because he can see how messy eggs can be.

By the time you finish, both of your hands are gooey and you laugh at him because he somehow managed to get an eggshell stuck to his cheek.

***

You turn over in bed as you hear his bare feet thump loudly up the stairs. He jumps on the bed, and because you are facing away from him, he tries to turn you over. You pretend to still be sleeping and he gives up and stretches out on top of you, bringing his face so close to yours that you can feel his breath on your nose. “Da-ddy!” You roll over and circle your left arm around him, encasing him between you and the pile of blankets. He laughs because you start to tickle him and when you stop, he catches his breath, looks you in the eyes and says, “Happy Father’s Day, Daddy.”

Well, you know that’s what he says.

***

You take him to the beach and he stands by the edge of the water flailing his arms up into the spray of the waves. You watch as he takes his pail, attempts to fill it to the brim and carries it over to you. He looks so serious as he struggles to keep the water in the bucket, and not in the sand. He pours it on your feet and he thinks it’s funny because you’re sitting on a chair next to Pam and not yet playing in the water with him. You retaliate by jumping from the chair and he squeals as he catches on and runs toward the water but you catch him before he can get there again. You throw him up into the air as he’s yelling with excitement and you wade into the water. At first he clutches onto your neck for dear life. But then he sees that you make the waves fun and lets an arm run through one.

Later on in the day he buries your toes and your legs, and makes a mountain on your chest and Pam takes a picture of two identical smiling faces dotted with sand.

***

You buy him a Sixers home jersey and you sit on the couch together, watching the game. He feeds fistful after fistful of popcorn into his mouth and cheers every time you do. You tell him you’ll take him there one day and he smiles because he’s just happy to have you. And you feel the same way.

***

He makes a Christmas ornament at preschool and you love it because it’s his little picture on a reindeer body and he’s put a red puff on his nose. He shows you that he wrote his name on the back and you run your finger over the backwards letters. You hang it next to his Baby’s First Christmas ornament and wonder where the time has gone.

***

You hold his hand as you walk down the corridor. You look down at him as he glances in every room and asks you which one his new sister is in. You point to the room two doors up on the left and he pulls your hand as he begins to walk faster. When you enter the room, you pick him up and he pushes off of your chest to stretch toward the bed in the middle of the room. You lower him down gently next to Pam and he leans over and kisses his sister on the forehead. You watch as he slides a finger down her nose to her cheek and then you breathe, because in that instant you have forgotten how to.

Later that night, when you are reading him a story, he leans his head against your chest and you kiss his hair. When you tuck him in, he tells you he loves you. You say ‘I love you too’ and he asks what will happen when his sister comes home. You tell him that you love them both, but that he’s your little boy, that you’ll always be buds and that there is nothing in the world that can keep you from him.


***