"Listen up, everyone!" said Michael Scott, standing at the head of the conference table. "President's Day is coming up next week - a very important holiday honoring the presidents of our fine nation, so we are going to have a President's Party this afternoon."

Angela Martin pursed her lips in annoyance. "Michael, the party is Tuesday. The party planning committee is meeting later this afternoon, and we will take care of all the party plans for Tuesday. This meeting is unnecessary."

"No, no, it isn't," Michael disagreed. "Because what you've failed to see is that Jim and Pam, our resident lovers," Jim raised his eyebrows and looked at the camera "are going away next week, so they won't be here if we have the party on Tuesday."

"I know that," replied Angela. "That's why we're planning today, so Pam doesn't get out of all of the work just because she's chosen to squander her vacation days on a trip with Jim." Pam looked at Angela with an expression that clearly said ‘what a bitch.'

"Well, Angela," Michael continued, undeterred, "we're going to have the party today, so Jim and Pam get to be here. And since I knew you'd be flustered with the change in plans, I had everyone get together to come up with ideas, sort of a presidential brainstorming session. You're welcome," said Michael, to forestall the complaint forming in Angela's throat. Angela sat with a stormy face.

Talking Head - Angela Martin

"I don't know why it's so important to make Jim and Pam happy. They're already happier than they have the right to be. Also, I do not get ‘flustered' by a change of plans. I happen to abhor rigidity."

"So, Dunder Mifflinites, let's get this party started." Michael waved his arms in a circle. "Whoo! Hoo! No idea is too big, too small, or too presidential. Go!"

Kelly raised her hand. "Michael, I think we should have something in there for Thomas Jefferson, because he fell in love with a black woman and they had babies!" Kelly's pitch had been rising until ‘babies' was almost a squeal, accompanied with a clap. "And I just think that is so awesome. He was, like, totally ahead of his time to have an interracial relationship."

Talking Head - Jim Halpert

"Well, the black woman was a slave owned by Jefferson, but...yep. Totally ahead of his time."

"Excellent, Kelly. I'm sure you can see how that relates to you and Ryan when you were dating," said Michael.

"I'm not Black, Michael, I'm Indian."

"Right, right. I meant you and Darryl, because he's black and you're, um...no, that doesn't work." Michael stopped, shook his head, and dropped that line of thought. "Anyway! So we'll need two people to play an interracial couple for the party. I choose Darryl, I'm sure he won't mind, even though he's not here, and...Angela, how about you? You up for that?"

"No," replied Angela primly.

Michael looked around the room at the women present and muttered to himself, just barely audibly, "with Jim... too dark..." His eyes rested on Meredith. "Meredith! You and Darryl can play the interracial couple! Perfect."

"Yes! I accept!" Meredith's green eyes gleamed in anticipation.

"I don't!" Kelly said. "Darryl is my boyfriend."

"It's only for the party, Kelly," said Michael. "If your relationship can't survive him playing a little part with Meredith, it's not much of a relationship, is it?"

Talking Head - Darryl Philbin

"Yeah, it's not really much of a relationship. I'm not gonna do anything with Meredith, though. But if Kelly thinks I might, and then I don't..." [smiles]

Talking Head - Meredith Palmer

"I am so excited to have a chance at Darryl. I've never had sex with Darryl. [pause] That I remember."

Talking Head - Darryl Philbin

[laughing] "No."

Kevin raised his hand to get Michael's attention. "Michael? Lincoln is one of the presidents from President's Day, so we should have stovepipe hats."

"Hats. Excellent suggestion, thank you, Kevin. Angela, write down hats."

Angela was still fuming, but she looked over at Oscar, who was already writing ‘stovepipe hats.' He nodded at her.

Talking Head - Angela Martin

"Asking Oscar to join the party planning committee was one of the best decisions I've ever made. He takes direction well, he takes better notes than Pam, and he doesn't try to insert his own misguided ideas into things, like some of the women."

Talking Head - Oscar Martinez

"It's usually best to let Angela make the decisions. It saves time."

Andy thought this was a perfect time to show his intelligence with a comment. "Also, Michael, Lincoln freed the slaves, so we should have some sort of ‘freedom' theme."

Michael started to nod, but Kevin broke in with, "Well, Lincoln declared the slaves free with the Emancipation Proclamation, but without the Civil War, it would have been meaningless."

Michael looked at Jim for confirmation; Jim nodded.

Talking Head - Kevin Malone

"My mother is a Civil War nut. I can tell you about every Civil War battlefield and graveyard from here to Gettysburg and beyond, but Michael looks at Jim to see if I'm right."

Talking Head - Jim Halpert

[laughing] "That's true, Kevin knows way more about the Civil War than me. His mom used to take him on Civil War vacations - reenactments, graveyard tours, that kind of thing. Nice woman, by the way, sharp-witted. I have no idea how Kevin turned out the way he did. Don't, um...don't put that in the documentary. Kev's got enough issues."

Talking Head - Creed Bratton

"I've met Keith's mother. Fine looking woman. We once huddled together under a Navajo blanket in an alley for warmth."

Far from thwarted, Andy said, "Yes, so we should have Civil War streamers, blue and gray. With more, um... gray, because they were victorious, thankfully."

"More blue!" corrected Kevin. "The Union soldiers wore blue." Michael looked at Jim again, who nodded.

Talking Head - Kevin Malone

[fuming]

Talking Head - Jim Halpert

[laughing]

"Okay, so blue and gray streamers, heavy on the blue. Who's taking notes?" said Michael, looking around. "Oscar? What do we have so far?"

Oscar glanced first at Angela, who nodded her permission, then read from his list. "Darryl and Meredith pretend to be an interracial couple to honor Thomas Jefferson; stovepipe hats and freedom in the guise of gray and blue streamers, heavy on the blue, to honor Abraham Lincoln."

Talking Head - Angela Martin

"These are horrible ideas."

"Okay! We are making progress, people," said Michael. "Making the progress-o...soup. Let's hear more!"

"We could get the vacuum cleaner from the supply closet, and use it as a centerpiece to honor Hoover," drawled Stanley, not even looking up from his crossword puzzle. Everyone looked confused until he muttered, "You people are so easy."

"Okay, Stanley, very funny. No vacuum cleaners need apply. Next," said Michael, looking around the room. "Phyllis! Food! You're a food person! What kind of food should we have?"

Phyllis pouted a bit at being called a ‘food person,' but she gamely put forth an idea. "Well, there is that legend about George Washington and the cherry tree, so maybe we could have some cherry pie or cherry cobbler."

Angela snorted. "Phyllis, how do you think we can make a cherry pie or cherry cobbler by this afternoon?"

"Well, I thought we could get a cherry pie at the grocery store in the freezer section," said a cowed Phyllis, almost at a whisper.

"Grocery store pie! You may as well get cardboard and put cherry jam on it," scoffed Angela. "This is ridiculous. We should have the party on Tuesday, and the party planning committee should plan it this afternoon, without all this extra ‘help' from people without party planning experience."

The group sat in silence for a few moments, unsure whether to point out that the person Angela just insulted had actually had years of party planning experience.

Finally, Creed broke the silence. "I'll take care of the cherries. It'll be good."

Talking Head - Creed Bratton

"I know this little bakery downtown, run by a Polish widow. Wierzbowski's Pastries. Best cherry pastries you ever tasted. Pricey, though. I'll need to emancipate four or five Abrahams from Angie's petty cash drawer."

Talking Head - Michael Scott

"So the party was great, maybe the best one ever, and it was my idea to get everyone to give ideas, so all the good stuff can be attribu...tated to me."

Talking Head - Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly

Jim: "I won the Lincoln look-a-like contest."

Pam: "Mostly because of his height."

Jim: "And the cherry filling strategically placed on my shirt."

Pam [to Jim]: "I still think telling Michael you'd been shot was cheating."

Jim: "She's a sore loser. She didn't like her award."

Pam [to Jim]: "Shut up!"

Jim: [laughing]"It was ‘best Dolly Madisons.'"

Pam: "I don't even know what that means."

Jim: "She knows what it means."

Talking Head - Kevin Malone

"The streamers were awesome. I wrote the names of the Union states on the blue ones and the Confederate States on the gray ones. They looked really good."

Talking Head - Angela Martin

"Am I surprised that Kevin added an educational element to the party? No. It's what I'd expect from a member of my accounting staff."

Talking Head - Phyllis Vance

"I've been doing the streamers for years, and Angela has never said a nice word about them. Kevin does the streamers one time, and everyone thinks he's a hero. I don't like him."

Talking Head - Andy Bernard

"I received the ‘worst stovepipe hat-head' award. I also told Angela about my ancestor who fought in the Civil War. Shot in the foot while retreating. She was impressed."

Talking Head - Toby Flenderson

"Michael gave me the ‘worst everything' award. I thought about reporting him, but it wouldn't change anything. I think I'll just leave early instead."

Talking Head - Dwight Schrute

"I won the presidential trivia contest, and I helped with setting up the party and putting everything away. I think my help was appreciated. The party planning committee and its head should be commended for their work and her work."

Talking Head - Creed Bratton

"Andrea reimbursed me for the pastries, so I'm ahead about twenty bucks for the day. Plus, I had a front row seat for the girl fight. The redhead and the little spicy girl were fighting over the big warehouse guy."

Talking Head - Kelly Kapoor

"I won!"

Talking Head - Darryl Philbin

"Meredith got into her part a little more than Kelly would have liked, but it all ended up okay. And I got the ‘most like George Washington' award. Michael didn't say why. [pause] I don't really understand it."

Talking Head - Stanley Hudson

"The pastries were good. I'd rather we just got to go home early."

Talking Head - Oscar Martinez

"It was one of the better parties, really. No one cried. All in all, better than most."

Talking Head - Meredith Palmer

"Well, Darryl went home with Kelly, so I lost my chance at him. But then Creed said he'd buy the first round at Poor Richard's, so I guess I'm gonna do that. It could still be a good night. You never know."

Talking Head - Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly

Pam: "I was looking forward to being on vacation knowing I was missing the party."

Jim: "It was nice of Michael to want us here, though."

Pam: "Missing it still would have been better."

Jim: "Definitely. [to Pam] Do you think we can sneak out now?"

Pam: "Yeah. If Michael tries to stop us, you can act presidential."

Jim: "You can distract him with your Dolly Madisons."

Pam: "I hate you."

Jim: "So unpatriotic."