She looked so happy, dancing with Roy. He saw the smile on her face when Roy set a date. But still, he always sensed a tension between them.
Still, even though it looked like he would never have her, all he wanted, all he ever wanted, was her.

He saw her, walking to Roy's car and felt the tears swell up in his eyes. And suddenly he just couldn't take it anymore. He felt like he had to tell her, or else he'd burst. He didn't think about the consequences, his timing or Pam's feelings. He just had to.

"Pam!" She looked over her shoulder, surprised.

"What?" She was still smiling.

He couldn't speak. Her happiness cut through his soul like a knife.

"What is it, Halpert? I don't have all night!"

He just stared at her, unable to control his emotions.
Slowly, the smile on Pam's face faded. He saw her whispering something to Roy, and he drove off. She came over to him.

"What is it Jim? Is it something about Katy? Did something happen?" She sounded concerned.

He hated himself, he hated the tear that escaped from his eye. He hated Roy, he hated cruises, he hated how he loved the way her hair was blowing in the wind.

"Hey Jim.. I'm here for you, ok?"

"I know, it's just that.. I'm just.. I.."

He stared into her eyes. Suddenly he became more determined.

"There's something I want to tell you, Pam. Something I need to tell you"

"What is it?"

"I broke up with Katy."

"Oh Jim. I'm so sorry." She grabbed his hand.

"But.. Did something happen? I mean this is kind of a surprise! Why did you brake up with her?"

"Because of you Pam."

"What?" A little smile ran away from her face. But she gazed back into his eyes, and once again her smile faded. She pulled her hand out of his.

"Jim, please.."

"I know. I know you probably don't want to hear this. I'm your friend, I should be happy for you. I tried, Pam. I did. God, you have no idea. But I'm not happy, in fact I'm miserable. I hate to see you with Roy, I just can't take it. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't be the friend you want me to be, but the thing is Pam, I'm crazy about you. Always have been, always will be. I Try to tell myself otherwise, I even date other people. But nothing seems to help Pam, nothing can change the way I feel about you. Not even you getting married."

He stopped. The silence between them seemed to last forever. She didn't look at him. He tried to catch her eyes, but she kept avoiding his. He couldn't tell what she was thinking. Suddenly she gasped for air.

"I don't know what to say, Jim." She sounded angry.
She turned around and started to walk away.

"Pam!" He grabbed her arm. "You know this is not all about me, don't you."

"How dare you!" She looked shocked. "I'm getting married for christ's sake!" She'd started yelling at him.

"Well, maybe you should reconsider. I'm not crazy Pam. And neither are you. You know something's going on. And you know what, Pam," Jim started yelling too.
"The easy way isn't always the right one!"

She began to walk away again, but hesitaded and turned around again.
She looked at him, tears running down her face.

"How could you do this..." She spoke very softley, almost whispering. He couldn't stand seeing her so sad. He came a little closer.

"I feel like this is the only way, Pam. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to upset you." He wrapped his arms around her.
"Just know that.. It's not impossible, Beesly."

She sighed, and he softly pushed his lips on her forehead. He wished he could have hold her there, forever. His arms around her waste, his nose hidden in her curls, standing at that parking lot of lake wallenpaupack.
Suddenly she pulled back again.

"I have to go." She whispered. "You know I have to."

"Wait, Pam, how are you getting home." He yelled at her back.

"I'll call a cab."

She turned around.

"Goodbye Jim"

He didn't react. Everything became a blur as he saw her walking away.

He didn't know what he had expected her to say. But still it hit him really hard that she didn't say anything. Of course he knew she was getting married, but he kept having this feeling.. He was just positive she wasn't marrying the right guy. Just because of the way they interacted, how they seem to complete each other and last but not least, how they could have so much fun together. It just felt so right when they were together.

Jim took of his shoes, sat down on his sofa and turned on the tv. There wasn't much on. Rain was slowly ticking on the roof. Suddenly he had a real bad headache. He felt so empty inside. The way she said "goodbye, Jim" made him feel so alone.

He knew he had lost her. That he wouldn't get another change like that. Because she needed to be left alone. She'd told him so many things, only by saying goodbye, the way she had done. Again he felt the urge to cry, but he got up and went to his bathroom to take a shower.
As the warm water ran over his face he realized he didn't regret telling her. He knew he needed closure, without that he would never be able to let her go. And that's what he needed to do. He needed to let her go. As hard as it was going to be, he knew that that's what he had to do.

******

He thought he'd heard something. A ringing sound. All drowsy he tried to open his eyes. Again he heard the ringing sound and he realized it was his doorbell. He glanced over at his alarm clock. 2:15am. He turned on a little light by his bed and got up. He noticed the rain had only gotten worse since he'd gone to sleep.
Slowly he opened the door.

"Hey.." a little voice said.

Pam was standing at his door, in the pouring rain.

"Jezus, Pam, you're soaking wet! Get in here!"

"Thank you."

As they stood in his livingroom, he saw her shiver.

"Hey, do you want a cup of tea or something? Maybe a towel?"

"Yeah, that would be great, thanks."

He went into the kitchen, wondering what she was doing at his place. He decided to give her some green tea. When he came back to the livingroom, Pam sat on his sofa.
He gave her her tea and one of his towels he'd pulled out of his closet.

"Thank you, Jim." He could tell she had been crying.

"You're welcome. So..." He didn't want her to feel awkward. "Were you just in the neighborhood?"

He spotted a little smile on her face, before it went back to it's serious expression.

"I had a fight with Roy." She just blurted it out.

"I'm sorry." He knew she knew he didn't mean that.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He did feel sorry for her though. He had been angry with Roy many times before, for hurting Pam.

"No."

She surprised him a little, with her firm rejection to talk. "Okay.." He didn't really know what to say, or what to do.

"At least, not yet. Ok? I was just wondering, if maybe.. If maybe I could stay here for a little while."

"Of course."

She gave him a weird smile, as though she was hiding the fact that all she really wanted to do is cry.
"I'm really exhausted. Do you mind if I go to sleep?"

"Of course not! You can take my bed, I'll sleep on the couch."

"Oh no, you don't have to, I don't want to be any trouble.."

"Trust me, you're not. I really don't mind, okay?"

"Okay."

They smiled at each other.

"Jim?"

"Hmmm?"

"Could you.. take me somewhere tomorrow?"

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. Just, do something fun?"

"Sure, Beesly. I'll think of something."

She yawned and turned around.

"Goodnight, Halpert."

"Goodnight."

Letting her go suddenly became a lot harder again.

He didn't sleep all night. The idea that Pam was actually lying in his bed was very surreal. All he tried to tell himself was that he shouldn't see stuff in it that wasn't actually there. She got in a fight with Roy, but it was not like that had never happened before. But still he couldn't help but wonder what the fight had been about. He decided not to ask Pam. He didn't want to upset her. If she wanted him to know, she'd tell hem.

He got up at 5am in the morning. He didn't feel like sleeping anyway. He was pacing up and down his livingroom, trying to not make any sound that would wake her up. She'd asked him to take her somewhere. Somewhere fun. What the hell was that all about?

Last night she made it pretty clear that she was with Roy and not with him. And that she wasn't planning on chancing that either. He had seen the look in her eyes. He had known she meant it. Maybe it was the little touch of regret on her face which made it even more real, even more definite that this was where they were, where they'd have to stay.

But then she came back.
She had come to his house. Plain and simple as that. And it confused him. If she would have shown up a week ago, it would have been totally different. He would have hold her in his arms to comfort her, made her breakfast in the morning, maybe goof around a little. But now everything was different. He had opened up to her. He had come clean about everything. She knew exactly where he stood. And frankly he didn't know anything about her feelings. He didn't know what she thought when he told her he loved her, he didn't know what happened between Roy and her, he didn't even know what drove her to him, in the middle of the night. And it made him feel so damn insecure. He had always been the nice, gentle, fun guy around her but now he didn't know how to act. He hated to admit to himself that she had so much power over him. It even made him angry sometimes.

He decided he would be safe making her breakfast. Besides, they both had to eat something, and she was the one that was sleeping in his bed, not the other way around.

*****

It was almost seven o'clock when Pam came downstairs. She was wearing one of his shirts which, obviously, was way to big for her. It reached till right above her knees. Her hair was still down, and small curls where falling in her face.

"Morning, Pam."

"Jim! Woow, you scared me! I didn't see you there!"

She was blushing a bit. Jim thought he'd never seen her as beautiful as she looked right now.

"Yeah, I was feeling really vigorous this morning, so you know.. I got up quite early."

"I see. I'm not even dressed yet."

She smiled at him.

"That's ok, I won't look. Hey, say what Beesly: eggs, or pancakes?"

"You're making me breakfast?"

"What can I say? I'm a real gentleman."

"Well, I have to admit, I'm really enjoying your hospitality. Uhmm, you know what, I'm kind of in the mood for pancakes today, so.."

"Pancakes coming right up. Now you go and make yourself presentable."

"Thanks Jim."

Something changed in the sound of her voice.
She was still standing there. He glanced over to her.

"Don't worry about it."

*****

10 minutes later she got back downstairs, dressed in the clothes she wore the previous night and her hair flipped back in a ponytail. Jim was sitting at the table in his kitchen. Pam walked over and sat down on the other side of the table.

"So.. This looks really nice Jim."

"Wait untill you taste it, you'll be surprised."

It was almost as if last night had never happened when Jim was watching Pam enjoying his pancakes. But right now, he felt like it was her turn to speak. But she just sat there, eating quietly.

"Well, it's quite early. You still want me to take you somewhere?"

He was waiting for her to say something.

After a few silent moments she finally said: "Jim, I'm sorry if this is weird for you. Me being here and stuff. And it's hard to explain, because I don't even know how I really feel right now. I know we need to talk, and we will, it's just that.. I need to sort things out a bit. So I was hoping, you know, that we could just hang out today. I know it's a weird thing for me to want right now.. I just couldn't think of anyone else to got to. And I just want you to know that i'll understand if you don't want to do this right now. Please don't feel obligated. I could also just go, you know. I'll understand."

It was weird for him. And he didn't understand it. It also wasn't what he had hoped for her to say. Pam knew that.

"I know it's much to ask, Jim. So really, you don't have to."

"You know what Pam. I'm going to be honest with you. I don't know why you are doing this, but I'm actually quite fed up with this whole situation as well. So you know, fine. We'll just hang out. I actually just got an idea. Think you can trust me?"

"As long as it's not a cruise, I'm cool with it," she said with a sigh.

"Trust me, it won't be a cruise."

"Ok, so we're both cool with this non-talking thing?"

He could still see a little doubt in her expression.

"It's a deal, Beez."

*****

He was looking forward to a whole day, just having fun with her, without all the mixed up feelings and awkward moments they had shared before. He knew there would be a confrontation. It was inevitable and they both knew it. But that had nothing to do with today. Today was going to be easy and relaxed.

"Ready to have some fun?"

"Can't wait!"

He saw excitement in her eyes as she started walking to his car. He just loved the little twinkling stars that appeared when she smiled. He locked the door of his apartment and followed her. She was going to love what he had planned for them. He was smiling to himself, as he felt the sun on his face.

It had stopped raining.

Pam was sitting in the passenger’s seat. She smiled at him.

“So where you taking me?”

“Can’t say. It would ruin the surprise.”

“I love surprises!”

Jim smiled and started the car. He had such mixed feelings about this day. At one hand, he was really excited, and really looking forward to spending time with her, but on the other hand, it all felt kind of weird. He felt really naked and exposed, because she knew all about his feelings. He wanted her to give a response, to react, to make herself clear. He thought she had already done that, the other night. But her showing up like this filled him with doubt. Maybe she did have feelings for him as well. Why would she want to hang out with him, all day, right after he told her he loved her? If she really didn’t feel anything, she wouldn’t come over and play with his feelings like that. Or would she?
No, Pam isn’t like that.

They had been driving for approximately an hour when he pulled over.

“Alright, I think we’ve made it.”

“Where are we?”

“You’ll see.”

“My God, Halpert. Still not telling me?”

“You’ll find out soon enough. Besides it wouldn’t be as much fun, if you knew where we were going. C’mon, this way.”

They were crossing an almost empty parking lot. The sun was slowly rising and Pam heard a few birds sing in the trees. She took a deap breath and suddenly felt extremely happy. She hadn’t felt like this in a long time. She saw Jim’s tall shadow on the concrete and couldn’t help but smile. She ignored all her rising guilt and punishing thoughts. Not today!

Suddenly she saw it.

“Jim! A Zoo! Where at a ZOO!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Oh my God! I love Zoo’s! How did you know!!”

“I didn’t. I just sort of knew you would like it.”

“Wow! I’m really impressed.”

She was, she really was. Jim knew her so well. She didn’t think Roy would ever think of taking her to a zoo. She knew this was going to be an amazing day. She hugged him and said:

“This is so great!”

“You haven’t even seen the place, Beesly. Come on. Let’s find the entrance.”

They neared a big, closed gate. Pam looked at it and said a bit dissapointent:

“Jim, we forgot! It’s only 8:30am! It says here, this zoo doesn’t open til noon...”
He could here she was kind of sad about it. He couldn’t keep the surprise from her any longer.

“Did you hear me making a phonecall this morning, Pam?”

“No, why?”

“Well, I have this really close friend, and he works at this zoo. I thinks he feeds the animals or something. But anyway, I told him that I was bringing you... And, well, he should be here any minute.”

“He’s gonna let us in?”

He saw the excitement in her eyes again.

“The whole zoo will be ours, Pam. For three and a half hours. How do you like that?”

“I feel like I could cry.”

”Oh, come on, don’t. It’ll be fun.”

Suddenly they heard someone coming. Pam looked around and saw a friendly looking guy approaching. Jim grinned at her and turned around to greet his friend.

“Jason! How are you doing, man! It’s great to see you!”

“Jim! Wow, it’s been way to long.”

He pulled out a gicantic key bunch and opened the gate. Jim went in and hugged Jason, Pam followed him.

“You must be Pam! Great to meet you!” Jason smiled at her and shook her hand enthousiastically.

She was a bit overwhelmed by his unconditional kindness, but soon recovered and smiled back.

“Nice to meet you too. Very kind of you to let us in.”

She couldn’t hide the excitement in her voice.

“It’s no big deal, really. Just don’t break anything, haha! Well, I got to get going, still have lot’s of work to do. You two have fun, and I think I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Thanks, Jason. So... What do you think. Where do you want to go?”

“My God! I really don’t know. I’ve never been here before. I just want to see everything! This is so exciting!”

Jim couldn’t help but feel really content with himself.

“Well, I happen to be an expert, so if you like, I could be your personal tour guide for today.”

“I would very much like that!”

“Alright then, follow me! The show’s about to start!”

Pam followed him, feeling happier with every step she took. Jim was such a great guy. She knew it. She also knew there was a lot of things left unsaid between them which needed to be said. But right now, she didn’t want to think about any of those. She just wanted a tour. And she knew she had the best guide possible; Jim.

“And now, on your right hand, you will see a group of camels. A camel can outrun a horse over long distances and can run for several hours without stopping. In the summer, it can easily survive for two or three days without food and water. In winter, it can live without food and water for up to a week. As you can see...”

“Jim.” Pam interrupted with a huge grin on her face.

“What is it, I’m kind of in the middle of something, Pam.”

He tried to act annoyed, but could hardly suppress a smile crawling up his face. Pam was smiling at him and she looked so happy and this time he knew it was because of him. He had made her smile and it made him feel so strangley satisfied. He wanted to memorize every little movement she made, every smile she gave him and everything she said. No matter what would happen between them, nobody could take that away from him.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just don’t think those are camels.”

“You don’t think those are camels? Well, allright then, Ms. Know-it-all. What do you think they are?”

“Actually, I’m quite certain they are dromedaries. You see, they only have one hump.”

“Well...” He turned around to take another look at the ‘camels’.

“Oh my god! You’re totally right! How did I not see that!?”

“Great tour, Halpert. It’s awsome that there’s so much I can learn from you!”

“Oh, shut up, you! It doesn’t really matter anyway. Camels and dromedaries are practically the same. Who cares?”

“Actually, I think there are a lot of differences between them. For instance...”

“Moving on! Moving on, this way please. Everyone, stay with the group, c’mon, keep up!”

Pam giggled and followed him. She loved how he made her laugh all the time. He was so easy going and fun to be around. They went up a little bridge and passed a beautiful fountain. Suddenly, Jim stopped. Pam, caught by surprise, bumped into him.

“Oops, sorry.” She said, laughing at him.

“Don’t mention it.”

“Why did we stop?”

He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to where he was standing.

“Stand right here, look over there,” he said, softly.

He was pointing at a little opening in the bushes behind the fountain. Pam followed his gaze and then she saw it:

“Jim, that’s... That’s beautiful!”

“I know, isn’t it? I used to love this place when I was a kid.”

“You used to come here a lot?”

“Yeah. I loved coming here. And especially this spot.”

He saw her staring at the flamingos with amazement in her eyes. He remembered how he used to stand here at this very spot for hours when he was a kid, simply refusing to go home. It had something magical. The flamingos in the distance stood between amazingly green bushes and trees and glistening droplets of the fountain at the forefront.

“It’s just... breathtaking.”

“I know.” He had to keep telling himself to stop staring at her.

“I wish I could draw this.”

“Ah, well, actually I thought about that. Don’t get too excited though, I couldn’t bring all your art supplies, but I did bring a camera! Here, take it.”

“Oh my god, you’re the best! This is so cool!”

Before he knew it, she had put her arms around him. At first, he hesitaded a bit, but then he wrapped his arms around her, putting his chin upon her head. After what seemed forever, she let him go and took a couple pictures of the view. The scent of her shampoo still lingered and he knew he wanted to always remember that aroma.

“Now, I want one with you in it!”

“With me? No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll ruin the photograph.”

“Oh stop whining and get over there allready! You ready? One.. two... three...!”

She took the picture and noticed how warm his smile was. The empty picture frame she had at home would be the perfect place for this picture.

“Alright, now I want to take one with you in it.”

“Fair enough.”

He looked through the camera and saw how Pam ran her hand through her hair to make it look good for the picture. It made him smile, because in his opinion, that was totally unnecessary.

“Allright, smile!”

As he took the picture, he realized it was truly the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on. It was his favorite place, with his favorite person in it. And he loved it. She just looked so beautiful. He gave her a little nod and said: “So... we’re moving on again! We still have so much more to see in so little time.”

As they started walking, Jim felt her hand brushing against his. He immediatly put his hand in his pocket to stop himself from grabbing hers. He saw Pam doing the same. That doesn’t mean anything, Halpert, he told himself.

“Hey, Jim! Come here for a second.”

“What’s up?”

“These animals; they are just like you!”

He started laughing. They were looking down on an clan of meerkats. They seemed really busy; they were running around making all kinds of peeping sounds.

“Oh really, Beesly? And do you mind telling me why you think I’m just like a meerkat?”

“I mean look at them. It’s everything. You can see they really observate everything that’s going on around them, just like you. They can get really hyper, running around and stuff...”

“I’m not hyper!”

“Oh, yes you are! Sometimes at least. Remember the office olympics? Or the time when you were playing basketball with the warehouse guys. Trust me, you can get really hyper. Besides, it’s also their whole appearence. They’re brownish, just like you. And... they’re skinny. You see? Tons of similarities.”

“Wow, thank you Pam,” he replied sarcastically.

“No, I don’t mean it as a bad thing! I mean, look at them! They’re adorable!”

“So you think I’m adorable too?” As soon as he said those six words he regretted it.

She looked at him.

“Yes.”

She turned around again. Jim was still looking at the meerkats. What was she doing? What did this mean? Was she trying to tell him something? It probably didn’t mean anything. To refrain from getting his hopes up too high, he told himself: She’s your friend. She just likes you as a friend. An adorable friend. Nothing more. Nothing less.

“Are you coming? I need my guide!”

“Yup, we’re moving on again. Let’s see if I can find an animal that has a lot of Pam features.”

This was going to be an interesting day.

It was easy to just follow him. As she walked beside him, she suddenly realized how beautiful he was. So strong and manly, but at the same time very warm and soft. She never figured out what it was; why her eyes always seemed to be drawn to him, whenever he entered a room. But now she did. She figured it out. She knew exactly what it was. She was attracted to him.

At first she was shocked she could finally admit it to herself. She always told herself he was just a really special friend. That she cared for him a lot, and wanted to look after him just because of that. And so she ignored the strange feeling she had, whenever he would smile at her, or look at her with that strange look in his eyes.

He loved her.

It was easier to just pretend that she hadn’t known. To pretend this was all a shock to her. But really, it wasn’t. And now Roy was angry with her. And she didn’t blame him. She couldn’t. After all she had just left him, the same night he set a date for their wedding, without an explanation. She remembered how he had looked at her, with confusion in his eyes. It was the first and last time she would ever see him that vulnerable. Then, naturally, he had yelled at her, demanded her to come back. But she didn’t. And that had made him even more angry. But the truth is, she didn’t know how to react. She didn’t know if she would be coming back. She just didn’t know.

Jim made her feel things she thought she’d never feel again. Before she met him she would tell herself her feelings and thoughts about Roy were perfectly normal. That it is just the way things are in a marriage, and should be. Of course you don’t have a crush on your husband anymore, after ten years. You care for him, and you trust him. It’s just not as exciting anymore. that’s all perfectly normal.

And she never really cared about that. She just took the easy way out and settled for the ordinary. And she had truly believed she loved Roy. But Jim... He made her remember all those other feelings all over again. And as time passed, she became to realize, that maybe this, the way things were going in her life, wasn’t enough to make her happy. Maybe she was adventurous, althought nobody would ever call her that. Or maybe she wanted to be.

She always dismissed those thoughts. It was silly and it was never going to happen anyway, these ‘adventures’. But Jim made her feel different. As if she actually could do more with her life. As if there was so much more out there for her to explore. And the thought of Roy, almost.. sufficated her.

“Aha! Look over here Pam!”

She couldn’t help but notice she even loved the way he said her name.

“I think I found the right animal.” He grinned at her.

As she looked over the fence in front of her, she saw two hippo’s, lying lazy in knee deep water.

“How dare you! Comparing me to a hippo!” She punched him on his shoulder, laughing.

“Well, ouch, Beesly! A Meerkat isn’t exactly all that either, is it?”

“At least they don’t weigh 10.000 pounds!”

Jim straightened his face and pointed at one of the hippo’s. “That right one does look kind of sexy, don’t you think? I’ve always had a thing for large women.”

“O, shut it, Halpert! Just so you know, I am going to act really offended for the rest of the day!”

“You say it like it’s a threat Pam. Should I be worried?”

“Let me put it like this: you have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

“Oh come on, Pam. Hippo’s are very loveable creatures. Don’t you just want to hug them? I feel like climbing over this fence. I just can’t help myself.” He heard her laugh as he started climbing.

“I’ll push you over, if you don’t cut it out.” She grabbed his leg and tried to pull him down.

“Fine! No need to get all aggressive Pam! Jeez..” He jumped and wrapped his arm around her neck to prevent himself from falling.

“So...” She smiled a little embarrassed and finally said: “Well, get on with your tour already! I’m getting a bit cold standing still.”

And so he let her go, and they started walking again.

He was just so sweet to her. He deserved the truth. She knew they would have to talk about their situation at some point. Just, pushing it away, further and further, seemed the easiest thing to do. And she did it, mostly because she was scared. Not so much because of him or his reaction, besides she already knew a lot about his feelings, but she was genuinly scared about the impact it would have on her life. She’d thought about this, last night, lying in Jim’s bed. And she felt scared. Nothing else, just scared. But now, walking in the broad daylight, she sensed a little excitement as well. Yes, she did feel it: excitement. Maybe it was just because things always tend to look scarier at night, in the dark, all alone.. Or maybe it was because looking at him made her feel so much stronger.

Maybe she didn’t have to do this, all by herself.

Suddenly she felt like running. She felt like running and screaming, just screaming everything off of her. So she did.

“Come on, Jim! Let’s get crazy!” She smiled and grabbed his arm, dragging him through the zoo. She ran. And she screamed and the sound of Jim’s laughter behind her made her laugh too.

“Whoa, what are you doing! I’ve never seen you this impulsively. And I thought you were going to act offended?!” He shouted, surprised but even more, amused.

She didn’t let go of his hand.

“I have decided I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s just...” She stopped running. She was panting rapidly and when she turned around, she saw his chest rise and fall at the same high speed.

“I just don’t want to play safe anymore, you know?”

She didn’t let go of his hand.

“Maybe you shouldn’t.” He looked at her, suddenly with that rare serious look of him.

“Maybe I shouldn’t, what?” She asked him, raising her eyebrows.

“Play safe, all the time.”

She opened her mouth, as if she was going to say something, but then hesitaded and closed it again. They were both just standing there, catching their breaths. She still hadn’t let go of his hand.

“I just... need to figure this out.” She said softly, looking at her feet.

“I know you do. But you’re not alone, okay?”

“Yes, I am!” Suddenly she pulled her hand out of his and looked him in the eye again.

“You can’t help me with this Jim. This is my battle.”

He just stood there. Quietly.

“Say something!” She realized she almost sounded angry, which was not her intention at all.

“I don’t really know...” Now Jim was staring at his feet.

“I’m sorry,” she interrupted him, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just got a little frustrated. I know you’re here for me Jim, and I think that’s the biggest and only reason why I’m even facing this ‘battle’. So let’s just...”

Jim suddenly shushed her and put his finger on her lips. Suddenly they heard voices. He looked at her.

“Someone’s coming.”

He softly pulled her into the bushes they were standing next to. After a couple of steps, he felt his back press against a wall. Pam, who was walking with her back to him, pressed her body against his and stood on his foot.

“Sorry!” She whispered.

“Not your fault I have big feet.”

They both laughed nervously, trying not to make to much sound. Jim’s arms were wrapped around her stomach to prevent her from falling over. She could feel his breathing on her neck and was suddenly reminded of that feeling she'd get as a little kid when she played hide and seek: kind of scared that the other kid would find her but also excited. She heard a man and a woman laughing and talking. She wondered if they would be in trouble if they’d be discovered. She didn’t really think so, but hiding with Jim was... fun.

Fun? Maybe that wasn’t really the right word. Why do I think this is fun? She asked herself.
Was it because she liked hiding? Because she enjoyed standing in the bushes? Or did she really see the fun in keeping quiet?

Or was it because Jim was holding her?

Sure, Roy had held her a thousand times. But this was different. This was more; so much more. She had always felt safe when he was nearby. Yes safe; safety. Somehow, that word seemed to hunt her down. She just couldn’t get rid of it and it had become a big part of her life. She remembered what Jim had said to her:

“Maybe you shouldn’t play safe all the time.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t” she thought to herself.

She turned around, now facing him.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Hey you,” he smiled.

She could feel the weight of his arms resting on the small of her back and the warmth of his body comforting hers. While she was turning around, she clumsily placed her hands on his chest. She thought it was inappropriate, but, for some reason she didn’t want to remove them. Her heart was racing and she knew that had nothing to do with the fear of being discovered. She simply stared at him and he stared back. In her mind, it seemed like time had stopped.

“I think they’re gone now,” he whispered.

“Yeah, probably.”

As they were standing so close together, Pam caught an overwhelming smell of Jim's scent. Sometimes, certain aromas can arouse memories or emotions and his scent made her feel strange. It reminded her of work and how his scent could easily fill the room. It reminded her of a stolen kiss at the Dundies. And above all of the awkward feelings and the guilt, it reminded her of happiness. Pure happiness.

She still hadn’t removed her hands; he hadn’t either.
They were still just standing there, staring at each other.

It was one of those moments she knew she'd remember all of her life, and cherish all of her life. She would do anything to make at last as long as possible. And she doesn’t move and she doesn't speak because she fears of ruining this feeling of serenity that has overcome her.

But then, she lost her head as many people do. She lost control over her actions. She didn't think; didn't rationalize. She only acted on impulse

And so did Jim.

When Jim woke up in the morning, he would have never guessed that this was the day he was going to kiss Pam Beesly for the first time – she totally caught him by surprise.
He was positive he hadn’t start it. He wouldn’t be that foolish to risk his change (if he even had one) at... anything with Pam. It must have been all her.
And he was even more sure that he wasn’t going to be the one to put a stop to it.

She had put her hands on the back of his neck and tiptoed a little to reach him. And as he closed his eyes, he felt so much emotion in that one kiss; passion, fire, desire, love... relief.
It made him feel like he had never been kissed before, as if this was his first real kiss. The one you dream about when your just a kid. The one you wish, wait, and long for. He never realized until this moment that kiss had never really happened. All the previous ones now seemed flat, shallow, and empty.

He smiled as he realized how new experiences could change his past.

And somehow, anyone he’d ever held before had never seemed to fit in his arms the way she did. They were like two puzzle pieces clicking together. And even though he’d never given much value to sentences like: “she completes me”, he couldn’t think of a better way to describe what she did to him.

He softly leaned in and deepened their kiss.

***

It was as if her head was filled up with clouds, but only one word shone through like a golden sun; finally...

It was then that she realized she had already made her decision.

And then she surrendered.

She pressed her body against his, trying to get as close as she possibly could even though she felt like it would never be close enough. She could feel one of his hands still lingering on the small of her back and the other one in her hair. It drove her crazy.

Her passion was almost scary to her. She’d never had this with Roy, not even in the beginning. But she had longed for Jim for so long. She had denied and neglected her feelings, unwilling to except their consequences.
But she was only human.

She pulled back, soft enough to not make it feel like a rejection or another escape. And then she just stood there, still holding him, incapable of saying a word.

“Pam..?” he softly whispered.

She kept staring at his chest, rising and falling. Then one of the tears she was holding back fought it’s way out and escaped from her eye, rolling down her cheek.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said as he slowly tilted her head up so she was facing him.

“I don’t want you to rush things.”

And she loved him even more when he said that, and as the tear reached the corner of her lips she gave him a little smile. He gently brushed it away with his thumb.

“Thank you,” she sighed.

“Really not a big deal,” he smiled.

“Not that, you smartass. I mean really,” she looked him deep in his eyes, “thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being you and for understanding me.” She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “This is hard for me. I care about him, I do. That’s not why I... I mean... this, just now? You have no idea how much that meant to me, how much courage it took me to... I just... I’m scared.” She sighed again.

“I know, Pam. It really is okay though. I’ve waited so long for this and I think I can wait a little longer.”

She hugged him, grateful for his words and he sofly whispered in her ear: “I love you, Pam.”

She hesitated, but he put his finger on her lips and said: “Don’t say it. Not yet. This is good enough for now. Don’t say it until you’re ready.”

She smiled once again. His words lifted a huge weight from her shoulders.

“So,” he said, “I think we could try to get out of these bushes discretely, and maybe get something to eat somewhere. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

“Me too. Let’s just, slip through here,” she squeezed herself between the bushes and the wall and reached the main path of the zoo. Then, she grabbed Jim’s arm and tried to pull him towards her, which was rather complicated because he got stuck between the trees and the wall.

“God, you are so tall!” She laughed.

“Yeah, well, that usually comes in handy.” He made a painful face and squeezed himself out while Pam started giggling uncontrollably. He stared at her with a semi-offended face.

“Seriously, Beesly, it’s not that funny.” Suddenly he was amazed how quick they’d gone back to acting like their normal selfs.

“Oh it so is!”

“Is not!”

“I’m not reverting to this childlike behaviour, but I am in fact right.” She smiled triumphantly as she picked a small piece of brushwood out of his hair.

“Fine. You win.”

“Thank you!”

“Now, can we please get something to eat?”

It was then they noticed an elderly woman staring at them. She hadn’t made sound and was just standing there, with a subtle smile on her face.

“Oh!” Jim said, surprised, “Excuse us, ma’am, we didn’t see you there.” He was silently blaming himself for not noticing her. He didn’t want to put Pam in an uncomfortable situation.

“Don’t worry about it,” she answered, in a shrieky voice, “it’s always nice to see there are still couples like you out there.”

“Thank... you..” Jim said, hesitantly.

“Now you kids have fun today!” The old lady said, grinning.

“Oh, we will!”

He couldn’t stop himself from smiling when he heard Pam say that. She obvioulsy didn’t mind the old lady thinking they were a couple. And neither did he.

And then she grabbed his hand. He was positive she could hear his heart pounding.

“So, you want to get out of here, and maybe get some lunch?” She asked.

“Absolutely, I do,” he grinned. “It’s getting way too crowded here anyway.”

***

They were nearing the exit. He looked at his watch; 1:23 pm. The regular crowd was entering the zoo. Suddenly he saw a glimpse of Jason.

“Hey, Pam? Could you just wait here for one second? I’m just going to say thanks to Jason real quick.”

“Okay, give him my thanks too!”

“I will. Be right back!” He was already running away.

“Jason!!” He shouted. “Wait up, man!” He grabbed Jason by his shoulder.

“Jim! How was your morning?”

“Great.” He was panting.

“Great? Yeah, I thought so. She’s really hot!”

“Come on... man... That’s not...” he was trying to catch his breath.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Inner beauty! She still looks hot though.”

They grinned at each other.

“I wanted to say thanks, Jason. I really appreciated it, and so did Pam.”

“Well, any time man! Any time. And now go back to her, you fool! You don’t want to keep her waiting.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going. I’ll see you when I see you!”

“Yeah, definitely! Feel free to bring her along! I’d love to see her inner beauty!”

***

Pam was over thinking her morning with Jim. It had been wonderful, no doubt about that. But it also radically changed her world. And that was the one and only reason why she had been avoiding this in the first place. She didn’t want to hurt Roy, or his family. She was afraid of the mess she would have to make in order to be with Jim. But he could make her forget about all of that so easily. And from that moment on, she was convinced it was going to be worth it.

“I’m back!” He melted her with the look in his eyes.

“Finally,” she said, “So where do you want to go?”