Dear Pam,

I’m crying
For I am a dreamer
And I’m loving
For I am in denial

As I’m trying
To close this window
The sound of the wind keeps opening it again.
But I must persist
Tasting salty tears on my lips.

For I am dreamer
I wake up in the middle of the night.
And I’m cold,
For my version of you
Doesn’t spread any warmth.

In my utopic world
There is no other.
It is all taking place, behind closed curtains
Whenever I dare to close my eyes

And as much as I never want to open them again
You keep telling me to.

But Pam,
Try to understand

For I am a dreamer

I’m still in love with you.

Dear Jim,

I’m not really good with words, I know that. And I really couldn’t think of a proper way to start this letter to you.
So I just, sort of, started.
You see, the thing is, I usually have a whole notebook in front of me, which allowes me to start over as many times as I need. But right now, I only have one peace of paper, so I need to get this right at once. Oh God, I’m really sidetracking right now.

I’m sorry Jim. Probably the biggest understatement ever.
I found your letter. Or better, your Poem. It has been three weeks since I read it. You’d already left the office and I needed one of your adresses. So I just checked your desk and there it was. The poem I mean. I really felt like some sort of criminal reading it, although it had my name on it. I know I probably shouldn’t have, I mean, you never really gave it to me. But I couldn’t resist.

I think I can safely say it is the most beautiful thing I've ever read. Even though it broke my heart.

Three weeks... It has been three rough weeks for me Jim. And I can't even imagine how it must have been for you. You were... different around me. A lot more quiet. But I realize that had everything to do with me planning the wedding right in front of you. I mean, I realize that now. But then again, there are a lot more things I just came to realize.

I’m a coward Jim. I truly am. But I believe that finding your poem, and reading it, has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. I mean, of course there were moments I thought something was going on between us. But you wouldn’t believe how easy it was to just tell myself you were way out of my league, that you could never seriously be interested in someone like me. Because there are a lot of things I don’t like about myself Jim. First off, I don’t like being the coward that I am. I never really... take a chance. I hate that. But I’m just so easily scared. I’m afraid to lose the good things that I have by changing. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? The good things.
But I know something now Jim. You are not a good thing. You are a great thing.

I’ve been cruel to keep you waiting so long. Just know, that wasn’t my intention. Your words never left me for one second. And as I read this: and I’m cold, for my version of you, doesn’t spread any warmth, I suddenly understood so many things about myself. I suddenly understood why I’m cold at night too. How I’m lonely, even with someone lying right next to me. We have a lot in common, Halpert. More than you might think.

I took me an unbelievable amount of courage to write this. And it’ll probably take me even more to leave this on your desk. There are a lot of things I need to change, Jim. And I’m working on that. I just really need some time.

You are a beautiful person. That’s why I want to make this right. You deserve that.

I can only hope you don’t give up on me, Jim.

For I am a dreamer too.

Love,
Pam.

Dear Jim,

It’s me again. It has only been two days since I left you my first letter. Maybe you haven’t even found it yet. I think I hid it pretty well. Guess I’m just a really impatient person.

I can’t stop thinking about you, or your words. I’ve read your poem so many times I learned it by heart. Probably kind of pathetic but who cares.
I wonder if you’ve read my letter yet. I mean, you probably have by now. And I don’t know if I really expect you to respond, since you have a lot of reasons to be pissed off at me. I would be pissed off at me. I mean I am... pissed off. I’m making no sense am I?

I don’t really know what to do with this letter. I can’t leave it at your desk because I'm not sure if you got the last one. And maybe you don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. I can’t quite remember what I wrote down, but I bet it was something embarrassing.

You just looked over here! Oh my gosh, my heart is racing right now! This is insane! I really need to act normal, maybe you really haven’t found it yet. God this is killing me. I almost wish I would have just handed it to you. But then again, it’s still me, the coward.

Talked to Roy though. It got pretty ugly. I didn’t tell him everything yet, but I told him enough to get him really angry. I need to break up with him.

Woow, I can’t believe I just wrote that down. I need some coffee, be right back ---
Ok, I’m back. This letter is getting pretty weird, I’m sorry if it’s hard to follow. It really is kind of a good thing to keep me bussy. You probably think I’m still planning my wedding.
But I’m not.

I hope your not too mad at me. Maybe I should tell you something I really love about you.

I love your hands.

I know right? Pretty weird, but I really do! You totally have the most beautiful hands. They’re so big and strong but yet they feel really smooth. Remember that one time when you told me you had just convinced Dwight that he needed to go spy on our other branch, but before he did so, he had to die his hair? That’s when I noticed. You were holding my hand and I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe! But I still noticed.

And then Roy walked in. It really was a smaller version of the situation we are in right now I think. Roy yelling at you, you apologizing, me picking Roy’s side. But I won’t do that this time, Jim. I’m on your side now, if you’ll still have me.

Still don’t know what to do with this letter. I should get some work done.

Your hair looks nice today.


Love,
Pam

Dear Pam,

Can’t say I wasn’t a bit in shock when I learned you found my poem. I actually do think it was kind of rude of you to read it since I never ment for you to even recieve it. But it’s not that big of a deal. I understand it, and to be honest, I probably would have done the same. This does change our situation a bit though. But maybe it’s a good thing you know now –

I’m in love with you Pam. Not really brave to tell you this on paper, but I figured it would be good enough for now. I think I have always loved you since the first time we met, and it seems like my feelings have only grown stronger every day. Thought I might give you a little insight in how these past few months have been for me.

At first I truly believed I could just be your friend. I really did. And things went great for a while. But I never really was completely honest with myself. I always, sort of, denied the existence of Roy and your engagement with him. I would simply suppress those thoughts, and I got pretty good at that.

But it all became so complicated after the booze cruise. Trust me, seeing you smiling while planning your wedding – it broke me. And I felt like I couldn’t allow myself to have fun with you anymore, because it would mean so much more to me than it would to you. I admit it; I was afraid.

I was afraid of the pain I felt whenever I snapped back to reality. Because with you, I really was just living a dream.
I was afraid of dealing with that. And even though I did have broken hearts before, this felt totally different. This really physically hurt. And ironically enough, the only one who could lift these sorrows of my shoulders, was you.

I felt lost. And when I feel lost, I always tend to try to write things off of me so to speak. It helps me to put things back in perspective a bit. So that’s what I did.

Finding and reading your letter was... I never would have seen it coming. But you need to understand this Pam; it gives me hope. You know that right? So all I’m asking is, if you are going to stay with Roy, you shouldn’t send me these mixed signals, for both our sakes. If you’re really going to marry him, you need to be straight with me.

I only want what’s best for you Pam, but I can’t keep on neglecting my own feelings.

Yup, that pretty much sums it up. Just so you know; I’ve written many poems about you. You do inspire me Beesly. And I think I am ready to share another one with you. I do not consider myself a poet so don’t expect too much.
Here goes nothing:

Whenever I hear the song of a nightingale,
Her sound is so sweet, and so clear
Stripped of all worries and sorrow
She becomes my Muze.

It makes me feel like It’s all I ever need
Her song, plain and pure
As It slowly and peacefully paralizes my muscles
And I can finally let go.

So I search for her
I can feel that she’s close
And I Keep listening with amazement
But she never shows.

I have no goal but to keep searching
This little, fragile singer in the evening twilight
With her enchanting voice –
She has become my Muze.

Love,
Jim

Ps. Yes, I did just compare you to a nightingale. I know, pretty cliché, but I don’t care. As I said, I’m not a poet. I should only care about the condition and prices of paper, not what’s written on it.

It’s almost five. I’m going to wait here until you leave and then drop this at your desk. Might be a nice suprise for you tomorrow morning.