“That is ridiculous.” Dwight said flatly, as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk. He stared unflinchingly and disbelievingly at Jim.

For his part, Jim leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms, and took Dwight in with a questioning smirk.

“Why…is that ridiculous?” He asked casually.

“Because the answer is Empire. Everybody knows that.”

“Mmmm…I’m pretty sure it’s The Phantom Menace, Episode One.”

Indignation colored Dwight’s face. “Absolutely not. The Empire Strikes Back is the best Star Wars film of the sextrilogy!” His voice raised slightly, enough so that it drew annoyed glances from Phyllis and Stanley, and interested neck craning from Andy.

“A sex trilogy, Dwight? Wha-

“It means a group of six films, Jim. Don’t be perverted.”

“Wouldn’t that be a hextrilogy?”

Dwight stopped for a moment, and Jim watched in amusement at what he guessed was thirty plus years of concentrated movie-watching information being un-spooled in his mind.

“I-Regardless! The Phantom Menace was horrible, Jar Jar Binks, mitichlorines, Jake Lloyd…” Dwight grunted to punctuate the thought.

The fact that Jim completely understood everything that Dwight had just said left him partly amused, but mostly ashamed….and a little worried. Still, he had an hour to kill before he had to go to a sales call, and really nothing better to do…

“Yeah, but Dwight….I mean, how else can you know who has the force?”

“It….It’s a mystical energy.” He stared at Jim, as if his four-word explanation adequately articulated the point. In response, he got an ignorantly disbelieving headshake that only further angered him.

“So I suppose you think the smoke monster has some sort of scientific reasoning behind it?” Dwight asked, intellectual superiority and sarcasm oozing from every syllable.

Jim fought against rolling his eyes. Lately, it seemed that every conversation that they had somehow, inevitably, returned to the television show Lost. He figured it was because of the new season, but also reasoned that Dwight had nobody else to talk to about it. Consequently, Jim had decided to humor him.

“Um…I think it’s pretty obvious that it’s a nanoparticle cloud.” He said dismissively, knowing that they had talked about it a couple of days ago and Dwight had angrily argued against it. He swung ever so slightly in his chair to look over at Pam to see if she was taking this conversation in.

And she was.

As their eyes made contact, he saw her mouth ‘dork’ to him with a quick smile. He winked back and then turned again to Dwight.

“Wrong. Dismissed in a podcast by the producers. Also….” Dwight stopped himself and looked thoughtfully at the ceiling. “Scientifically impossible. Unfeasible. Dumb.”

There was a pause between them. Dwight smiled contently at having shot down Jim’s ridiculous nanoparticle theory…..While Jim was weary of mentioning anything else about the show in fear that he might get dragged into an hour long lecture on the true nature of The Tempest.

With a shrug of his shoulders, Jim returned to Spider Solitaire on his computer, but after a handful of seconds, the silence was broken.

“Where are you going on your sales call?”

Jim looked up, a little surprised by Dwight’s interest. “Oh, um, Laurie Chemicals…I guess they had some issue with the website or something… so I’ve got to go there and make the sale myself.”

“Pfft. Without me, you’ll never make the sale. I’m the Harrison Ford to your Mark Hamill.”

“That….doesn’t make any sense, Dwight.”

“Whatever, Jim. Just don’t cry to me if you mess up.”

“Alright….well, I won’t. But, I mean, Pam could make the sale.” Jim said off-handedly, and then put a 7 of spades, on an 8.

Dwight’s eyes narrowed at Jim’s words, and he looked over at Pam. She was now over at the shredder destroying some faxes out of boredom. He watched as she tried to put more than the instructed number of sheets in for shredding, and jammed the machine.

“I don’t believe you.”

Jim heaved a sigh, and took a quick glance down at the clock in the corner of his monitor before he looked back up at Dwight.

“What?”

“I don’t believe that Pam could make the sale.”

A small smile lit his lips, and Jim looked over again at Pam as she banged her palm on the side of the shredder loudly. His mind, which over the years had learned to plan fast, and scheme quickly, went into motion instantly.

“Do you want to bet?” He asked Dwight challengingly, with a raised eyebrow.

“Gambling is illegal. Also….you’d lose.”

“Alright, well, if you’re too scared—

“What do you want to bet?” Dwight asked quickly, each word coming faster then the previous one.

“Um, well….what do you want if you win?”

Dwight rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and then with a crooked and slightly sinister grin, spoke. “When I win….you must stand in the middle of the room, and announce my superiority to you….in sales….and in Lost knowledge.”

The thought of actually losing briefly flitted through Jim’s mind…but then he remembered that the sale with Laurie Chemicals was pretty much completely in hand. And anyway, he knew it would be worth what he could get when he won.

“Alright…and when I win….you have to…..bake two dozen cupcakes for me and serenade the office with the song of my choice.”

Without hesitation, as if Jim’s request had already been completely expected, Dwight asked… “Frosting?”

“Peanut Butter…vanilla cupcakes.”

“What song?”

“Uh…I haven’t decided.”

“Hells Bells?”

“No, I was thinking more….soft rockish.”

“Kashmir? I can play it on my recorder.”

“Um isn’t that like over eight minutes?”

“So?”

“Alright, Dwight…just…yes or no?” Jim stuttered slightly.

“Deal.” Dwight extended his arm across the piled up binders that was the line of demarcation between their desks. Jim reached over and shook it.

Jim considered just going up to Pam and asking her to come with him. Or telling her about the deal with Dwight…..

But that wouldn’t really be that much fun.

Because in the years that they had worked together, she had never gone on a sales call with him or anyone else….and he wasn’t completely sure she’d go with him if he told her she’d have to try to make a sale.

Of course he knew that she could….He knew that she could do anything she wanted, and making a sale to a company that pretty much only needed the paperwork to sign wouldn’t be any problem at all.

And so he found himself, ten minutes before he had planned to leave for Laurie Chemicals, sitting opposite of Michael. Knowing she wouldn’t suspect anything if he ordered her to go.

“Jim, if you want to slip out for a little wham-bam-thank you mam’….” Michael smiled eagerly at him.

Accustom to such comments, Jim shrugged it off with practically no effort. “Yeah, no…um, the thing is…the website messed up with this company…and so it involves a lot of paperwork…and so I need Pam, ‘cause she’s the one that understands it.”

Michael’s demeanor suddenly darkened, and he frowned. “Are you saying that I don’t understand the paperwork?”

“No…I just, need Pam, because you’ve got to be here….’cause you’re the manager, you know?”

“True, yeah….that’s good thinking….alright so just go ask her or whatever…”

“Right, well I was hoping that you could, um, tell her…since you’re the manager.”

Michael looked thoughtfully for a moment, but then he leaned forward with a quick look at the camera, and whispered. “Oh, are you having problems with Pam? You know….”

“No, I—

“In the bood-dwar?”

“Nope. That’s not….” Jim shook his head quickly and glanced up at the camera embarrassedly. So maybe he wasn’t completely accustom to it.

Michael leaned back and nodded. “I got you covered. Alright.”

With that, Michael got up, with Jim close behind, and together they walked out to Reception.

--

--

“Pam!” Michael leaned heavily on the desk, and slapped his hand loudly on it.

“I’m right here, Michael.” Pam said tiredly, as she looked up from her computer

“Yes…um, I need you to accompany your boyfriend Jim on a sales call….”

Pam looked quizzically past Michael, at Jim….asking for an explanation…or translation.

“Um….” She started.

“Not a booty call, though….” Michael chuckled loudly and stared at the camera with a wide smile….”wouldn’t be professional….during office hours….unless its in a room with blinds…”

While Michael rattled on for the camera, Jim exchanged a shoulder shrug and eye roll with Pam, as he tried to make it clear he had nothing to do with this.

“Um, okay…like, do you want me to take notes or something?” She asked, her eyes going back and forth between the two men.

Before Michael could speak, Jim jumped in. “No, just….could you get the paperwork for the Laurie account? Please?”

Much to Jim’s amusement, she looked even more confused. “Um, yeah…its all right here in the folder.”

“Hey, I’ll leave you to lovebirds to it. Make me proud!” Michael slapped Jim on the back, and then walked briskly back to his office.

As soon as he did, Pam leaned in conspiratorially. “What is going on?” She said with a hesitant smile.

Jim wasn’t about to bite though, it would be way too much fun to prank Pam and win a bet with Dwight. “I just need your help with the paperwork, that’s all…no big deal. I mean…if that’s okay…”

He could tell she didn’t quite buy his explanation, but with Michael already asking her to, she didn’t have a choice. “Um, alright….”

Jim held her coat open for her, as she slid her arms into it. With a quick smile to her, they began to walk towards the door.

“Never going to happen Jim!” Dwight shouted from his desk towards them, stopping each of them in their tracks.

“Alright, buddy.” Jim answered back good naturedly, and continued towards the door with her.

As they walked through it, Pam turned to him. “What was that about?”

“I have no idea.” Jim answered straight-faced. But already his mind was whirring with the possibilities to come.

“This is really weird.” Pam clutched the folder to her chest, as they sat outside Stephen Laurie’s office.

“You think?” Jim answered as coolly as possible, just as he had to all of her questions on the ride over.

“Yeah, I mean…I’m not complaining or anything…” she smiled at him warmly, “…but I’ve never been on a sales call before.”

“Well, it shouldn’t take long, anyway.”

“Okay…” she trailed away as she looked casually around the waiting room.

However, in a matter of a couple seconds, the receptionist called Jim’s name, and they stood up together.

“You ready?” He asked playfully, with raised eyebrows and wide-eyes.

“Um, yeah I guess….” She answered, confusion returning to her face.

--

--

“Hello, hello…Halpert, right?” Stephen Laurie, a man in his early sixties, with a blue sweater vest, and a slightly hunched posture, shuffled from behind his desk to greet them as they entered the office.

“Yes, sir. And this is…” He shook Stephen’s hand and then gestured to Pam graciously, “is Pam Beesly…our Junior Sales Associate. The best new saleswoman in the office.”

Pam’s eyes went wide, and her face drained of any color at his words. Jim tried desperately not to laugh as Stephen shook her limply offered hand.

“Best new saleswoman in the office, eh?” Stephen parroted to her, but Pam stood motionless, her gaze fixated on Jim.

After a couple seconds of awkward silence, Jim tried to break it as smoothly as possibly. “Absolutely, Mr. Laurie. We wanted to make sure you got the best people we have after the problems with the website.”

Stephen’s attention, and slowly concerned expression regarding Pam’s sudden immobility, shifted towards Jim and back to the problem at hand.

“Yes, yes. That damn thing.” He walked back slowly to his desk, and sat behind it. “Makes me want to use Staples or Office Depot, you know?” He said knowingly, and challengingly.

“Well…” Jim sat down as he spoke, as did Pam, who still said nothing. But, with a quick sideways glance he could tell she had quickly processed what was going on. That she understood a prank well enough to know when she was the victim of one.

“….Sir, I can assure you, that we are here in person to make sure that there are absolutely no errors or mistakes, and of course…” he motioned in the air, cleaving an arc in front of him. “We can offer you a discount…because the mistake was ours.”

“Hmmm.” Stephen sat back in his chair a little in contemplation. His fingers pressed together and steepled under his chin.

“And…Miss Beesly can tell you more…because this really is her perspective account.”

Jim smiled widely, and overly warmly at Pam. She smirked back at him knowingly, and then cleared her throat.

“Um, yes…Mr. Laurie, Dunder-Mifflin is, I mean….its about people. People who know people.” She stopped quickly, and blinked rapidly, in disbelief at her own words.

“That is so true, Miss Beesly…” Jim picked up, the joy in so completely fooling Pam evident in the lightness in which he spoke them. “….Dunder-Mifflin is about people, with people…and also, you know, helping people.”

“Um, yes thank you Mister Halpert….” Pam regained her composure quickly. “What I was trying to say is that the customer service, is you know, very helpful. Kelly Kapoor, who is the head of it, can make sure that any problems that you could have….are solved.”

Pam looked over at Jim, and quickly lifted her eyebrows playfully.

“Miss Beesly, are you saying that I’m going to have further problems?” Stephen asked.

The rush of excitement that Pam had felt, quickly left her. “No! No, sir. What I mean to say is…that Dunder-Mifflin has great customer service, for re-orders….other places can’t match that. Right? How many times do you want to go through a pre-recorded touch….button thing?”

“Yes well, those…are ridiculous. Especially the fact that I have to push One for English! Ridiculous.” Stephen grumbled.

“That is ridiculous. Obviously you speak English.” Pam countered quickly….obviously too quickly.

Jim looked over at her, slightly disbelievingly, and shook his head. She saw him out of the corner of her eye, but refused to look over.

“Well, yes obviously I speak English.”

“Yes…that…yes.” Pam bowed her head slightly, still avoiding Jim.

“Well, sir. We’d very much like to be your paper supplier…...” Jim stepped in; his voice was firm and sure.

As he spoke, Jim heard Pam take a sharp breath next to him, and then interrupt him. “Mr. Laurie. Dunder-Mifflin can provide you with a, um, wide range of products to meet any need that you have. And like my sales associate said, I can promise you that we will do everything to provide you with the best service.”

Jim nodded happily. “Exactly, Miss Beesly.”

“Thank you, Mr. Halpert.” She replied in kind.

“Well….” Stephen drew out, and then he placed his hands on the desk. “I think you’ve sold me on it.”

“Fantastic, well….Miss Beesly has all the paperwork, and we will have you stocked by tomorrow.”

“Very good….” Stephen looked expectantly over at Pam.

“Right! Yes….I do have the paperwork.” Pam opened the folder and sat it on the desk.

After the appropriate signatures, which Jim made sure to sign, hoping that it wouldn’t be noticed, Jim and Pam walked out of the office with a new client.

Before she could say anything…Jim spoke. “So….what do you want to do with your sales commission?”

“I cannot!” Pam looked quickly back at the receptionist, who had perked up slightly at the volume of her voice. She continued in a whisper….”I cannot believe you did that!”

Jim laughed easily, but quietly as he ushered her through the door with his hand on her back. “I know, I know…but you have to admit, you didn’t see it coming right?”

Thankfully, Pam laughed as well. “No! God…I….what was I even saying in there? People helping people?”

“I know, I didn’t realize you became Michael under pressure.”

She shoved his lightly, but he just wrapped his long arm around her, as she leaned in against him while they walked to the car.

“Anyway, that’s not the best part…”

“What’s the best part?” She looked up at his questioningly.

“Well…..”

“You gotta a little…” Jim swept his pinkie at the corner of Pam’s mouth and scooped a little peanut butter frosting from it.

“Ohfanx” Pam mumbled with a large amount of cupcake in her mouth.

“You ready Dwight?” Jim crossed his arms, and leaned back against Pam’s desk.

“Yes.” Dwight mumbled sourly.

“Alright, everybody?” Jim announced loudly. “Can I please have your attention? Dwight has something very special he needs to say.”

“I still think you helped her too much Jim.”

Pam shrugged her shoulders as she took another bite of cupcake. “You saw the tape, Dwight.”

“She made the deal fair and square.” Jim smiled and looked around at the office, where everyone had turned to look at the three of them.

“Right, well, everyone’s waiting…”

Dwight took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Then in an unusually soft voice he began singing….

“I know just how to whisper….

And I know just how to cry….

I know just where to find the answers…”

Jim picked up another cupcake and lifted it to Pam. She smiled and bumped her own against it in a toast.

“Making love out of nothing at all….”