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Perfect Match

Their history was peppered with an endless string of hits and misses.  If the timing had been better they both swore now that things would have happened between them right away.  Instead, as luck would have it, complications had tested them both - making their life together into a long arduous process. 

They'd come so close so many times before they finally got it right. 

Throughout the years Pam had relentlessly teased him, saying that in the beginning it was like that movie 50 First Dates - where Drew Barrymore kept forgetting Adam Sandler.

What she really meant by that analogy is that they'd had more "first dates" than she could count.

The first time she'd said it Jim had warned her that she was on shaky ground.  She'd just referenced the romantic comedy equivalent of Groundhog's Day.

If she was going to choose to do stuff like that - perhaps she should have picked Kevin instead.

And that was just another thing they had in common.

After all it was fitting that if he hadn't ended up with Pam - Jim would have picked Kevin too. 

Or if you were being nitpicky - maybe he'd actually have ended up with Kevin's mom.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Just Friends

Pam had been dreading taking this job.  Roy had told her horror stories about Michael.  But then he'd said he really didn't have a clue as to what went on up there really. 

It just seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up.  They had pretty good benefits (not great) and she'd finally get paid vacation days.   Roy was all for it since he'd also charmingly mentioned that it would save them money on gas by driving to work together.

When he'd said that she thought that he'd meant to save money for the wedding - but apparently he'd meant for a pair of wave runners.

Which also ran on gasoline - so go figure.

Typical, typical Roy.  She thought with a sigh.

When Jim asked her to go to lunch with him today she'd quickly answered yes.  She didn't give herself time to second guess. 

Jim was great.  She'd liked him instantly.  He'd been so nice and helpful to her all week. 

He sweetly introduced her to everyone, he took time to show her where to find everything, how to un-jam the ornery photocopier, where to find extra post-its.  When, on her first day she hovered in the doorway with her lunch, he quickly made someone move over so that there would be room for her at the table in the break room.

She tried to stifle the feeling, but she found she couldn't help herself. 

She often wondered what it would be like to date someone like Jim - well - not just Jim - she wondered what it would be like to date anyone who was completely different from Roy.

Not that she'd really know what being on a date was actually like - since she'd been on so few.

And all of those were with the same exact person. 

For a fleeting moment, which she quickly shoved to the back of her mind, she had entertained the thought.  Rather foolishly, she found herself thinking that this innocuous lunch could possibly be something, similar, close to, kind of like a date.

She felt slightly guilty, but deep down she knew that this wouldn't go anywhere anyway. 

After all - she was engaged. 

She was engaged even though she still didn't actually have a ring to prove it. 

She was engaged, so to go on a perfectly innocent non-date with an unassuming perfectly nice guy was completely harmless.

At least that's what she kept telling herself.

Except something happened that she hadn't expected. 

When she told herself that it was all completely innocent she hadn't expected her heart to skip a beat when she noticed him holding the door open for her. 

He did it not once but twice.  First as they leaving the office and then when they got to his car. 

She hadn't been expecting her palms to get all sweaty when he laughed and told her to put her money away, that the pizza was his treat.

As soon as those types of thoughts surfaced, she skilfully pushed the thoughts back down again. 

This is nothing, Pam You've just not interacted with other people for far too long.  This wasn't anything special. It's just two people who work together having lunch outside the office. 

Besides, she continued to rationalize in every way possible, it probably didn't matter anyway.  Someone as cute as he was probably already had a girlfriend.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

On a normal day Jim simply loathed his job, as opposed to completely despising it.  But out of nowhere, the most amazing thing happened.  The minute she walked in the door he'd felt it.

Finally.  A reason to come to work every morning.

When he'd first laid eyes on her, in her conservative clothes and sparkling new Keds she looked ever so timid and innocent. 

He was quite sure Michael would eat her alive.

He quickly learned that looks can be deceiving.

In almost the first hour she'd proven that she had a quick smile and even quicker wit.   She could totally hold her own.

That first day he'd made his way over, simply to say hello.  Before he knew it he was taking her on a quick tour, introducing her to everyone.  As he did - to his great surprise - he slowly realized he was becoming more infatuated every second. 

When he'd stop by her desk he'd begun to notice that the air around her smelled kind of like raspberries.   

He found it incredibly distracting. 

He didn't usually date people he worked with - not that there was a plethora of single women at Dunder-Mifflin.   It just had the potential to get messy.  But as he gazed down at her he decided he might have to start to make an exception.

In the short drive to lunch he'd found out that they had very similar taste in music, both loved the same reality TV shows and both firmly believed that free cell solitaire was the only way to go.

Every minute, every second, despite his trepidation he was all the more sure.

If she wasn't the most perfect woman in the world - she was pretty damn close.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"What's the deal with white pizza?"  Pam scrunched up her nose at the display case.

Truer words had never been spoken in Jim's estimation.  "I know!  It's so not really even pizza."

"It's just like having cheese and bread."  She shakes her head.  "And then more cheese."  She sounds solemn.  "Plus - I think it's so sad to kick the tomato sauce right out of a job."

He smiles, and suddenly he's even happier he got up the nerve to ask her out today.  He'd been agonizing over it but he knows now he's made the right decision.

"Exactly."

She taps a finger against the glass and looks up at him - seemingly disgusted.  "Same with ziti pizza.  I say pick a meal and stick with it.  Don't try and shove a plate of pasta in your mouth without a fork."

He agrees wholeheartedly.  "It's amazing how lazy people can be."

She laughs as they take their ordinary, plain cheese slices over to a table.  He stands next to the table, waiting for her to slide into the booth before he settles on the other side.

"So.  How was your first week?"  He asks as he takes a bite.

She smiles and it fills her whole face.  "It's been fine.  Not at all challenging but yet completely bizarre."

"And that is Dunder-Mifflin in a nutshell.  We should put it on t-shirts."

"Or coffee mugs."  She replies, giving him a nod in agreement.  "Like Michael's."

"Ah yes.  World's Greatest Boss.  He bought that for himself you know."

"Really?  I find that so hard to believe."  She says sarcastically and giggles.

Hmm.  This was getting better every second.  Cute and quick with the comeback.  Jim thinks with a shake of his head as he smiles back at her.

She hides her smile behind a napkin before loses it and bursts into laughter.  "And oh my God -Jim. The stuff you think of for Dwight?   That thing with the phone and the nickels was pure genius."

"Thank you."  He nods his head. "And you are nothing short of brilliant yourself.  After today - you can consider yourself drafted. I'll give you your Jell-O mold back on Monday." 

He looks at her with a lopsided grin.  "I still can't believe you actually own a Jell-O mold."

"I can't believe you have the nerve to mock me."  She gives him an incredulous look.  "It certainly is coming in handy when you need it."

"True enough."  He says with a wink.  He stares into her eyes for a moment before he goes on.  

"So.  Now.  Officially.  Let's get to the real reason I've brought you here today."

Her stomach drops and she sits stock still until she hears him continue.

"Pam Beesly - your mission, should you choose to accept it - is to officially become my partner in crime."

He stares at her intensely.  "Do you think you are up to the challenge?  I mean, you need to really think about it.  It's a lot of responsibility.  Do you think you can handle it?"

Her stomach flutters again.  When he looks at her like that she sees that his eyes are almost pretty. 

It's entirely unfair.  She sighs.  His lashes are longer than hers. 

She realizes she's staring and clears her throat.  "Oh, absolutely." 

Concentrating on their lunch again they sit in silence for a second and even though it's quiet it's not at all awkward.  At one point Pam barely makes a move before Jim hands her another napkin, almost like he instinctively knew that's what she was reaching for.

Their fingers brush as she takes it from him and a jolt shoots up his arm.  When he looks at her face again he could swear that she's blushing.

Unnerved, she tries to will her heart from pounding as she wipes the edge of her mouth.  "So - um -   How long did you say you've worked here again?"

In a similar state, he blinks to focus on her question.  "Two years.  Well - a little more than one and a half.  I was actually thinking of doing something else but…I don't know.  I'm kind of good at it - in a warped way."  He shrugs and takes another bite of pizza.

She mimics him and as she does he watches her mouth.  He's struck by how she nibbles and chews incredibly carefully. 

He notices that her lips are a pale shade of pink, even without lipstick. 

And because he's become mesmerized with her lipstick-less mouth he realizes all at once that she's speaking again.

"You know - that's exactly why I applied for the reception job.  I'm very adept at phone answering."

"So I've noticed."  He smiles back at her.

"I'll have you know I always have been.  I was a child prodigy.  I was able to speed dial before I could walk."

"Impressive."

As they joke about their respective "careers" he knows that there has to be something else she'd rather do.  It's suddenly really important that he finds out what it is.

"If you could do something else what would it be?"  Jim begins on his second slice; Pam isn't even half done with her first. 

"What do you mean?"  She's startled by his question.

"Do you have any - oh I don't know - hobbies?  Anything you're really good at?  Like croquet or candle making?"

She stifles a laugh.  She can't remember the last time someone had asked her so many questions about herself.  She ducks her head and sighs a little. 

"Um…I kind of like drawing, you know sketching.  Stuff like that."

"That's very cool." He says easily.  He gives her a look of genuine interest.  "What kind of things do you like to draw?"

She's so used to being ignored she's surprised that he heard her.  She sits a bit straighter in her seat and leans forward a bit, her face coming more to life with each word.  "Oh.  I mostly just doodle - so anything really.  I took oil painting in college but I don't have much room for it in my apartment now.  Plus the light is awful.  I do illustrations.  Mostly pencil drawings.  "

"Illustrations?"  He ponders for a minute.  "You mean children's books?  Kind of like Maurice Sendak?"

She almost chokes on her pizza.  She can't believe the words that have just come out of his mouth.  She's shocked, simply shocked to actually talk to someone who even knew who he was, let alone bring him up as an example.

She's dumbfounded.  Roy had no idea what she was talking about when she talked about art.  He knew 'the guy who chopped off his ear' and 'the one with the Mona Lisa'.  He rarely acknowledged the people Pam truly admired.  

She nearly bounces in her seat.  "Oh my God.  YES.  Exactly like Maurice Sendak."

He keeps talking, clearly not understanding the magnitude of his comment.  To him, it's simply obvious. "Where the Wild Things Are.   One of the greatest kid's book of all time."

"I know.  It's amazing."  She agrees, her eyes sparkling and holding his for a long moment. 

He sees her shake her head and he thinks he's just heard her sigh.  They seemed to be so in sync about so many things.  He thinks this is quite possibly the best first date of his life and he's already craving a second.  He suddenly wonders if he could convince her to go out for a drink after work tonight.

"I would love to do something like that someday - or even just the tiny illustrations they do at the start of some chapters in children's literature.  Just even book covers would be beyond cool.  I don't draw as much as I used to and I really miss it." 

There's a light in her eyes now that makes her suddenly ten times more attractive.  

As if that was even possible.

It was weird because she wasn't really his type.  Not that he really had a type but curly brunettes had never really done it for him.    His last girlfriend, Diane wore her blond hair all short and swingy.

He wonders what Pam's would look like curling loose around her shoulders.

She sighs and smiles softly.  "I used to go to the bookstore and spend hours in the kids section, flipping through.  It used to give me great inspiration.  There are some really talented people out there."

Suddenly brave, sensing an opportunity he decides if he's going to do this, he might as well get on with it.  It's torturing him not to know if she'd actually say yes to seeing him again - outside of work of course. 

He fiddles with a straw to keep his hands from shaking.  "You know what?  I just remembered.  I was at Barnes & Noble the other night - and I think I saw that there's a children's book signing next week sometime."  He ducks his head so he can't see her expression.  "We should - um - go check it out."

"Oh."  Her face falls.  She should have known better.  This was too dangerous.  She was too naive.  She feels awful to know she's led him on.  

He's playing with the salt shaker, his eyes downcast so he doesn't notice the change in her right away.  He keeps going, oblivious.

"I mean - if you're free.  We can even bring a kid with us as a cover.  We could borrow Toby's daughter Sasha if you think we might need it.   I baby-sit her sometimes.  I know she'd love it."

He's smiling widely as he looks up and meets her eyes. 

And in an instant, the smile vanishes. 

He swallows.  She doesn't need to say a word.  "Wait.  Don't tell me.  Let me guess. You're dating someone."

She's suddenly incredibly flustered.  "Ummm.  Not dating.  Engaged…actually.  He...um...was the one who told me about the job opening.  He works downstairs in the warehouse..."

Jim takes a steadying breath and stares at his hands for a moment.  He does a mental inventory of the warehouse guys, figuring it out in an instant. 

She's with Roy. 

And not just with him.  They're engaged. 

Wow.  When you fall you fall from real high and land real hard, huh Halpert?

He's suddenly kind of annoyed at her for not saying something sooner.  There had definitely been something going on between them.  He's pretty sure didn't imagine it.

"I'm sorry.  I hope you didn't get the wrong idea.  I'm just um…kind of…surprised.  I didn't see a ring or anything."  He comments. 

She blushes, visibly ashamed as she runs a thumb over her ring finger.  "No.  Not yet.  It just happened...not too long ago." 

Liar, Pam.  Why did you say that?  She chastises herself.  Six months ago isn't exactly last week.

Jim leans back in his chair.  He desperately tries to find the right joke - the right witty thing to say to begin to remedy this. 

He needs to say something that will make him feel like he didn't just find out that the most seemingly perfect girl he'd ever met - he'd met too late.

He makes himself smile widely, while all the while he feels like his heart had been torn from his chest.  "You better tell him to get cracking on that.  You'll need a ring - for your own protection.  You'll need it to deter Michael or oh God. Definitely Kevin." 

Pam sighs wearily.  He's describing a near impossible task.  She's tried to get Roy moving for more than seven years.  Problem was, Roy does nothing before he's good and ready.

When she doesn't reply he desperately struggles to clear the air.  "Anyway - think about the book signing thing OK?  I'm sorry to make things all weird all of the sudden.  I didn't mean for you to get the wrong impression."

"No. Don't be silly."  She shakes her head at him and twists her hands together, suddenly beyond uncomfortable.

He stands and gestures to the door jingling his car keys in his hand.  He's suddenly desperate for this "date" to end.  "So.  Ready to go?"

As they reach the car he feels the need to say more.  ""Listen.  Pam.  I hope you understand.  I wasn't exactly expecting it to be a date.  I mean, I actually suggested bringing a kid along and all.  If you still think you'd like to - we can totally just go as you know…friends."

Instantly she feels like she can breathe again.  She feels incredibly foolish and can't believe the concept hadn't occurred to her.  She may not be able to date him, but there was nothing wrong with being his friend.

She mulls it over and blows out a breath. 

 "Friends huh?"  Looking up at him she smiles softly. "That might be nice."

Game

When you are faced with opposition you can do one of two things. 

Put up a fight or back down.

After their failed lunch “date” Jim picked the latter. 

He simply pretended it really didn’t happen.

The next day and for all the days that followed Jim tried really hard to keep things light.  He told himself an endless string of lies. 

She doesn’t have to know what he was thinking the whole time they’d sat at that table at Cugino's.   She doesn’t have to know that almost since the moment he'd met her he’d pretty much planned out the rest of his life. 

She doesn't have to know he pictured her in every minute of it.

She didn't want to know any of that.  She was in love with someone else. 

Nearly three years ago he'd told himself he’d move on but it was proving much more difficult than he’d anticipated.

Of course, now that he knew for sure that she was taken, he tried to date other people.  After all, she’s engaged.   It wasn’t like she’d been casually dating someone when they met.  And if he ever needed a reminder, she now had the ring to prove it. 

If you could call that ridiculously cheap trinket a ring that is.

He’d buy her sapphires; he thinks whenever he sees it and then shakes the image out of his head.  He’s not going to be buying her anything anytime soon. 

Still he knows she’d appreciate something different, the artist in her would prefer something colorful, and something that amounts to at least a carat. 

The ring she wears is full of slivers of a stone he can’t imagine amounts to much of anything.

Whenever he caught a glimpse of the symbol that she’d never be his he simply couldn’t help himself.  The thought flew through his mind before he could stop it.

She deserved more.

He wishes he knew Pam before she’d met Roy, wishes he’d been the one to watch her in high school sitting off in a corner drawing away.  He wishes he was the one to have heard her talk about her dreams before she’d decided to give up on them.

And just when he’d all but convinced himself to give up on his own completely ridiculous dream, there were moments when he thought he still had a chance.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

She didn’t have many friends anymore.  Not that she was exactly friendless - she still had people she could call on the phone, girls she could go shopping and to lunch with but the truth was the majority of her Marywood friends had left town after college. 

Now, really her friends were simply Roy’s friends, the girlfriends of Roy’s friends were the only people she had to confide in.  Not that she did that all that much. She never really felt connected to them; their common bond seemed to be boredom and complaining about their respective boyfriends.

Sometimes, being with them was nothing but a constant reminder that things weren’t as they should be.

So when Jim suggested they be “friends” she didn’t really know what to do.  She hadn’t ever been around someone like him.  It scared her sometimes, the way he instinctively could tell when she was upset about something.  She tried to tell herself it was nothing – that she just hasn’t ever had a true best friend.

But now - she did.

This is what friends do for each other – right?   Friends listen to each other vent?  Friends create little inside jokes?   It was all perfectly normal wasn’t it?

Pam tried as hard as she could – but she couldn’t shake the feeling. 

There was an odd twinge she'd get in the pit of her stomach, she was usually good at willing it away but it’s been more than insistent lately, specifically when she thought of him and Katy. 

One thing about the two of them bothered her.  She didn’t think they had all that much in common.  She wondered what on earth they actually talked about when they went out together.

If she was being honest, she knew the feeling.  She and Roy rarely discussed anything nearly as important as the things she could talk about with Jim.

Then again, judging from the way Katy looked, maybe Jim wasn’t really interested in talking to her at all.

After all - Jim was a guy and Katy was incredibly pretty.  Hot, even.

That was probably it. 

Sometimes, very infrequently, she felt brave.  Sometimes, she actually let herself wonder what it would be like if she was more than friends with him. 

Sometimes she felt brave enough to pretend again.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Pam sighs as she settles in the lawn chair beside Jim.  The air was warm for this time of year.   She brings the toasty sandwich to her mouth and takes a small careful bite. 

“I can’t remember the last time someone made me dinner.”

Jim glances at her sideways and chuckles.  “I wouldn’t exactly call it dinner.”

She shakes her head at him, completely serious.  “It’s after sunset and I didn’t have to make it myself.  It’s dinner, Jim.”

He nods and concedes her point.  “Fair enough.”

They sit for a few minutes, looking out to the vacant lot below.  He could see the smile tugging at her lips out of the corner of his eye.  He nudges her with his elbow.

“So?”

She swallows and takes a sip of her soda, knowing exactly what he’s referring to.  “Oh.  Are we going to do this now?”

He shrugs.  “Now’s a good a time as any.”

She laughs and wipes her hands on a piece of paper towel he’d brought up to use as napkins.  “OK.  Should I start?”

“Ladies first.”

She leans back and takes a deep breath.  Her voice holds the same quality of a kindergarten teacher, reading to a group of five year olds.  He thinks it’s the most adorable thing he’s ever heard.

That fact is actually the sole reason he’d started this game in the first place.

“It was a blustery Saturday, the wind was brutal when Uncle…Mose…”

“Senior.”  Jim interjects, just like he always did.  This game was their twisted way of filling in the blanks of Dwight’s life.  He gave them plenty of material – but there was so much left to speculation.

It’d become one of their favorite pastimes.

“Right.  Of course.  Mose Senior bravely ventured to the wilds of...”  She stops, leaving the next bit up to him.

Suddenly inspired, he responds.  “The Delaware Water Gap…”

She smiles with approval.  “…to purchase fireworks for his beloved son and nephew…”

“Dwigt.”  He shakes his head and begins to laugh.

She laughs right back at him.  “…who also possesses a secret identity.  He is Agent Michael Scarn’s trusty sidekick…Samuel L. Chang…”

She stops short and gives Jim an inquiring look.  “What goes on in Michael’s mind?”

He holds her gaze and answers solemnly.  “We don’t have quite that much time tonight Pam.  Let's stick with the subject at hand shall we?”

She bites back a smile.  “OK.”  She racks her brain to try and continue but she ends up with another question. ”It’s November, why did his uncle buy him fireworks?”

He looks at her incredulously.   “You’re telling me you don’t bust out the sparklers after the turkey on Thanksgiving?”

“No.”

Jim finishes the last of his sandwich and looks at her with distain.  “And you’re sure you’re American?”

“Shut up.”  She laughs and the sound is music to his ears.  He honestly can’t think of a sound he likes better.  It’s bell-like and genuine and when she laughs like this it lights up her whole face.

He tries not to think of how much he likes her face too much.

She smiles at him and can’t remember when she’d had such a good time.  She thinks for a second how complicated things are between the two of them.  How they have these little arguments that bother her much more than any of the fights she has with Roy. 

She remembers how angry he was at Halloween, when she suggested he take that job in Maryland.  She'd had a fleeting thought then that he wouldn't want to leave her.  She remembers the day when Michael and Dwight had their fight at the dojo, how the feel of Meredith’s eyes on them when he'd grabbed her and lifted her made her so completely self conscious.

It shouldn’t be that way.   She shouldn’t let it bother her. 

They were just friends. And tonight they were friends having a really great dinner.  She pushes the thoughts from her mind and decides to simply enjoy it.

Her voice brings him back to matters at hand.  Pam’s brow is wrinkled, her voice concerned as she watches Kevin and Dwight run through the fireworks for the umteenth time.

“What are they doing?  They’re going to hurt themselves.”

“Promise?”  He chuckles back at her.

She gazes at him, openmouthed, not sure if he’s kidding.  “Jim.  Stop it.  You don’t really want to hurt Dwight.”

He grins.  “Of course not.  He’s just so…”

“Bizarre? Infuriating?”  She offers.

“To name two things, yes.” 

She looks back out at the field, the fireworks finally fading and sputtering out. “I gotta say - if nothing else - he is entertaining.”

Jim’s eyes are elsewhere, still trained on her face.  “That he is.”

She turns and catches him looking at her, a flush spreading to her cheeks before she can stop it. 

He notices and clears his throat. “Finished?”

“Yeah.”  She replies, suddenly flustered.  “That was a truly excellent sandwich.  My compliments to the chef.”

“Thank you.”  He looks genuinely pleased.  He watches her as she lifts his plate off the ground.  “Here.  I’ll take that.”

She shakes her head at him lifting a candle to her mouth and blowing it out in a whoosh of breath. 

“No way.  You cooked, I’ll clean up.”

The sight of her pursed lips affects him more than he'd ever imagined.

“Team effort.”  He insists.

He picks up their empty soda cans as she folds up the lawn chairs.  “Tell me something, were those made with real cheese or cheese food?”

He scoffs at her.  “That Beesly, was 100% all-natural cheddar.”

“Of course.  I should have known.  Well.  It was absolutely delicious.”  She smiles again.  "Thank you Jim."

He gazes down at her and his breath catches.  The moon is high and full, and it casts a light on her.  He knows it’s incredibly sappy and romantic, he knows that they’ll be leaving shortly and she’ll be going home to Roy.  He’s just too caught up in how perfect this night is to censor himself.

“Anytime.”  He holds her gaze and shoves his hands in his pockets.  “Nothing but the best for you.”

They’re both reluctant to leave, joking about what they’ll do before they see each other again.  Jim’s going to travel the world.  Pam has a fleeting thought that if he asked her to in that moment she’d absolutely go with him.

But she knows she can’t go and see the world, especially not with Jim.  She’s engaged.  And once she’s married she knows that the likelihood of her venturing further than the Pocono’s is slim to none. 

It’s fine, she tells herself, because when she finally does get married she’ll have Roy and they’ll have a family and a house and a perfectly nice life.

It doesn’t change the fact that - right here - right now - all she wants this for moment to last.

So she summons her courage and asks about the music Jim’s listening to, takes the ear bud from him and breathes deeply as she places it in her ear. 

She sways with him in the moonlight in the deserted parking lot, wondering for a long moment what it would be like to really dance with him.

He’d hold her carefully, she thinks, the way he does when she’s a bit unsteady on her feet  sometimes.  His hand would splay warm and strong over the small of her back, his fingers would twine with hers. 

Sometimes he might step on her feet, her's were so tiny he'd crush her toes accidentally. She can hear his voice, low and deep in her ear, apologizing. 

She's suddenly dizzy because she can see him spin her around, hear both of them laughing. 

Maybe he'd even dip her before they’re done. 

She closes her eyes and lets herself imagine it, because she's told herself that it's OK.  Imagining and pretending are allowed.

Aren’t they?

He leans down, their foreheads almost touching and even though he doesn’t lay a hand on her he suddenly feels closer to her than he ever has before.  Like she’s let go of something for a moment.  He watches her - she's standing there with her eyes closed and it washes right over him.   

There’s definitely something here.  I’m not imagining it.

Thrilled by the realization and though he wants nothing more to close the distance between them he hesitates and stops himself, not wanting, not willing to be the one to ruin it.

Tonight, for both of them, swaying has to be enough.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The next day he's back to reality and in an effort to protect himself he tries to make a joke again. 

It comes out all wrong.  But that's probably because he wan't really kidding in the first place.

She stands up and walks away, her mouth set in a furious frown.  He’s hurt her and Jim knows that sometimes he does it so that maybe she’ll finally see how Roy treats her. 

She’s so smart and quick about so much else, he doesn’t understand how she can be so blind.

Later, when he’s being interviewed in front of the cameras, they ask about his worst date he’s instantly reminded of that day a few years ago.  On days like yesterday and nights like last night he briefly forgets that he knows with all certainty that she’s really taken. 

On nights like last night he almost lets himself believe it’s not true again.

He thinks the crew might see right through him, and part of him wants them to.  They always seem to bring her up when he’s in here.  Maybe the camera is catching something to give him proof that he’s not crazy.

Because he knows it and even if she won’t admit it, if last night is any indication, he’s pretty sure she knows it too.

He doesn’t feel guilty at all for canceling on Katy at the last minute. 

He knows for a fact that he’s just had the second best “first” date of his life.

Set

Jim had a calendar on his desk with doodles in the margins.  Indistinguishable to anyone but himself were a series of symbols that marked the number of days he had left.  

70 days until Australia.  72 days until she marries Roy.

Roy.

Roy – who couldn’t see what he had until he consumed five kamakazi shots out of a snorkel.

Roy – who couldn’t see what was in front of him until he was inspired by a washed up party boat captain.

Maybe he actually should take a page from Roy’s book.  He was obviously doing something right if he was able to keep a hold of Pam.

Maybe if he’d had a few more beers he would have had the nerve to say something before it had become too late. 

Maybe she did have some feelings for him that ran deeper than friendship.  Maybe if she'd let herself she could acknowledge the fact that if the timing had been different they might have stood a chance.

But every time a thought like that filled his mind he told himself there was another, simplier reason he’d kept his mouth shut.

He really just wanted her to be happy.   And maybe, just maybe, she really could be happy with Roy.

As soon as he entertained the thought – he really couldn’t quite believe it.  He understood that it wouldn’t be at all easy to let go of something that you’ve held for ten years.

After all, he was having a hell of a time moving on and he’d only known her for three.

So many things had happened in the last year.  She’d drunkenly kissed him, they’d swayed in the moonlight, she’d come to his house and raided his bookshelves. 

He thought briefly of the way she looked curled up on his bed and had to shake the thought from his mind.

Extremely dangerous territory.

He’d gathered courage and tried so many times to tell her. 

He’d chickened out at Christmas.  The card he’d written sat like a stone at the bottom of his desk drawer at home.

If he couldn’t even bear to let her read how he felt, he wondered how he’d ever get the nerve to say the words aloud.

With the way he’d let chances pass him by it didn’t seem at all likely.

When he’d stood on the deck with her that night and he’d felt it again – that moment where she seemed so connected to him he lost his capacity to speak.   She was looking at him, hopeful, her eyes pleading.

And he just kept thinking the timing was wrong.  Roy was inside, he had brought Katy – they were out in the middle of a lake in the dead of winter. 

Of course, he’d learned his lesson the hard way.

He didn’t know why it was so difficult.  He loved her and there was this look she’d get sometimes that made him sure she felt the same way.  

He could feel it. 

But that ring, that date, those plans still stood - unwavering.   He couldn’t help but think that if she really felt the same way about him she’d put on the brakes herself.

Wouldn’t she?

He realized the answer was probably not.  Pam barely took risks and one of the things that infuriated him about Roy is that he actually made her less confident.

He didn’t think he imagined the look on her face when he’d told her of his crush on her, backpedaling, trying not to make her too uncomfortable. 

He was stating the obvious, since they both knew he’d intended to ask her out again during that first fateful lunch date.  But when he stopped her in the kitchen to lay it out on the line she had feigned ignorance and he’d simply followed her lead.

What nagged at him was what had happened next.  As she made her way back to her desk she’d looked for a moment like she had wanted to hear something different.  She looked like she’d wanted him to say he still felt that way.

Maybe what she really needed was for him to push.

Maybe.

He was grasping at straws – more desperate than he cared to acknowledge.  If ever there was a sign that he was spiraling out of control it was the fact that he’d confided in Michael of all the people in the world. 

The spinning continued, manifesting into his planning the trip, making dates with Brenda, seriously considering just packing it in and moving on for good. 

If she insisted on going to go through with this he was desperate to figure out a way to get over her already.

There was only way to make it stop.

70 days.  72 till it was all over.

He’d resigned himself to it – but it was never, ever simple. Just when he thought he’d made some sort of progress – they’d have a day like today. 

A day when he could see it in her eyes – feel it in his bones – know with everything he was that what he felt for her was something that came along once in a lifetime. 

If things didn’t change in 70 days it would be something he knew that he’d be searching for - for the rest of his life.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

She didn’t know what had possessed her to suggest it.  She did feel bad for Kevin but it wasn’t her sole motivation.  

If she was being honest, she simply just wanted to spend some time alone with him again.

The whole year had been full of moments where she just couldn’t shake the idea.

There was really a chance they could have more.

There were glimmers of what it could be like with him if she’d just let herself feel.

She’d felt so comfortable as she walked through his bedroom, it had felt so right to sit beside him on his couch watching Phyllis singing karaoke.  The whole night had felt like they were together. 

Like for real.  Like a couple.

She’d shifted occasionally on the couch so that his fingers would brush her shoulder, tangle slightly in her hair.

She shouldn't have been surprised that other people would notice.

She’d been embarrassed by Phyllis' observation because deep down she knew it held a kernel of truth. 

She remembered how much thought he’d put into her Christmas gift, how many things he’d held on to from the years they’d been friends – all the moments he’d managed to cram into one tiny teapot.

It was uncanny how well he knew her. 

It had made up for the fact Roy’s gifts turned out to be a completely useless Prism Durosport that failed to let her download songs despite the help she got from Dwight.  He'd also bought her a sweater and a terrycloth bathrobe,  and a printout jammed in her stocking that let her know he’d upgraded their cable to the tune of another $40 a month.

Lovely.

It wasn’t about the fact he’d gotten her a low-rent iPod, or even the cable upgrade.  The robe was warm and the sweater was a nice shade of lavender. 

She simply would have preferred something that let her know that Roy saw her, really saw her for who she was.

Like maybe remembering how she had mentioned it would be nice to keep a teapot at her desk.

Roy.  Sometimes she just didn’t get him. 

She’d said the same to Jim out on the deck that night.  He’d looked back at her with soulful eyes and an expression on his face she’d seen before.  Like he had something terribly important he wanted to say and needed a moment to steady himself. 

She could recognize it now. 

And in that instant, in that split second she had wanted nothing more to close her eyes and see what would happen.

When she's being her most truthful she lets herself acknowledge it. 

If Jim had moved to kiss her right at that moment she absolutely would have let him.

But - obviously - he hadn’t.

Instead he simply stood there and she began to feel foolish. 

She mumbled something about being cold and left him standing alone at the railing.  Once they were both back inside it wasn’t long before Roy was teetering up to the microphone. 

She was suddenly aware of Jim’s hand - warm on her shoulder, and his voice close to her ear.  She was about to get up and go with him when another voice boomed through the cabin and sprang them apart.

“How about…June 10th?”

In that moment she’d been overwhelmed. She had thought it was a sign, that Roy actually remembered the conversation.  Not long ago she'd said that she'd love to get married on her grandmother’s birthday - that she thought it would be a nice way to have her there with them. 

But later she finds out it’s not why. When she beams up at him and thanks him for being so thoughtful he shrugs. 

She thinks his exact words were “Seems like as good a date as any.  I figured it’s far away enough for you to get shit done, close enough so you wouldn’t nag me to death.”

Her head had been spinning from the roller coaster she’d been on that night – first feeling self conscious next to Katy - then nearly giving up on Roy – and just when she’s thinking finally she’s made sense of it all she hears his voice, almost cracking.

“My best friend.”

In the weeks that follow she tries to keep things light in the office, tries not to make too many plans when he’s around.  Since he’s told her he used to have a crush on her she thinks it’s only right.

At least – that’s the reason she gives herself.

She doesn’t acknowledge what she’s really up to.   She’s issuing a challenge and one that’s completely unfair.

She keeps baiting him, letting him know that she really will do this.

Unless he stops her.

So today she’s in the mood to make believe.  To make believe the clock isn’t ticking and that time isn’t running out. 

To make believe that there’s still a chance she can have another type of life than the one that’s looming before her.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

She follows him to his car and sighs as he holds open the door.  She can’t even remember a time that Roy had done that for her.

Not one.

The air is slightly cold and she’s rethinking leaving her coat back in the office. 

They’d left them there to avoid suspicion – and to make it seem like they’d never left.

“The heat usually comes up pretty quickly.”

“I’m OK.” She replied, teeth chattering slightly.

He turns towards her and grabs her hand in both of his, rubbing briskly back and forth, making more than her hands warm in an instant.

“Oh so you usually have icicles for fingers?”  He laughs back at her, smiling as he drops her hand and shifts into reverse to pull out of the parking lot, the ever present camera crew following behind.

She clasps her hands in front of her, sighing a bit.  Her blood is suddenly pounding in her ears.

“No.”  She shakes her head at him and smiles.

At the first light Jim leans across and tilts the vents open, his forearm accidentally brushing across her chest, the warm air suddenly hitting her skin, making her curls flutter.

“Better?” He asks hopefully, trying to get his pulse back to normal.

She shivers, but not from the cold.  It takes her a second to form rational thought.

“Uh huh.  Yes.  Thanks.”

“Good.”  He nods and brings his eyes back to the road.

They make their way to Rite-Aid; she runs quickly inside and stands near the doorway.  Jim follows pushing the cart, his lanky frame folded over it.  She likes that when she turns to look at him she can see straight into his eyes.

“First a gift for Michael.”  Pam giggles as she moves to the fragrance section.

He watches her grab a box from the shelf and display it proudly.  “Can’t go wrong with Night Swept.  It’s a classic.”

She places it into the cart as she smiles.  “Indeed.” 

Feeling suddenly brazen she leans over, inhales deeply.  “You a fan of it too?”  She whispers near his ear.

Now she’s done it.  He can’t tell if it’s her shampoo or perfume but that berry scent that clings to her kills him every single time. 

He swallows audibly.  It takes him a moment to find his voice.  “Nah.  Um…just soap and water usually.”  His cheeks are flushed as he shifts his gaze downward.  “I only bust out the Night Swept for special occasions.”

“Of course.”  She smiles softly as she pulls away.  There was some other scent she’d noticed when she’d leaned close to him.  Something soft and clean that she couldn’t quite place.

In companionable silence they move through the aisles.  Jim immediately grabs a get well card with a bikini clad lifeguard on the front. 

“Get well soon...but if you don’t…”  He reads, his voice authoritative and serious.  He opens the card and laughs.  “…don’t worry.  I know CPR.”

“Oh my God.  Totally Kevin.”  She snatches it from him wide eyed.  “How perfectly cheesy and sleazy.”

“I guess here’s our proof.  Hallmark does make a card for every occasion.”   His eyes scan the rows of cards, briefly wondering if there’s one with a pair of wedding rings, crossed out like a “no smoking’ sign that says “Don’t go through with it.”

They move on, both looking for the perfect gift.

“Cup O’Noodles?”  Jim suggests as they reach a large display.

She thinks it’s an excellent idea.  “And so thrifty.  On sale.  49 cents each.”

They giggle as they toss container after container into the cart.  When they reach 68 Jim gives her a look.

She nods, he laughs and with one final addition the task is complete.

“M&M’s for dessert!!”  She says excitedly as she nearly skips towards the candy aisle.

He watches her in wonder not wanting to over think things too much.   He just wants to enjoy these moments while he can.

He knows there aren’t many left.

Her shoulder brushes his and he's not sure she doesn't do it on purpose.  His hands itch to touch her so he keeps his arms crossed as he stays hunched over, continuing to push the cart.

When she stops to look at a shelf full of scented candles he bites his lip and swings a rack of DVDs around, his eyes falling on one in particular. 

She turns and sees him pick it up and study the cover.  She raises her eyebrows at him.  “Is that one of your desert island movies, Jim?”

He stares her down, disgusted at the mere implication.  “Creed took his copy.  You know it’s lost for good.”

“Creed wanted to watch American Pie II?  Why?” She is dumbfounded.

Jim suspects she really doesn’t want to hear the answer to that question.  Quite frankly – neither does he.

“Ours is not to reason why Beesly…” He says with a smile.

She looks at him thoughtfully for a moment and shakes her head. 

He's so different...

Like there ever would be a day Roy would quote Tennyson.

It seems they’re done with their errand more quickly than she anticipated.   She lets her thoughts drift again, pretends for a second that this is something that they would normally do together, that this is what it would be like when they ran errands on a random Saturday. 

They pass through shelves full of laundry detergent and he grabs a blue bottle - nonchalantly tossing it into the cart.

He can feel her questioning eyes, hear the laugh in her voice when she asks him if he uses fabric softener. 

“You don’t?”  He asks confused.

“No.  I do.”  She replies.

He’s baffled. “Okay…”   

“It’s just now I know.”  She adds casually as they turn another corner.

“Know what?”

She shrugs.  “Why you always smell so good.”

The words hang in the air as she walks ahead of him, stopping in front of a display of hair products.   She brings a hand to her mouth and nibbles on her nails.

He’s still trying to catch his breath as he watches her.

She’s holding a box and reading the label intently.

“What have you got there?”

“Apparently it’s called Curl Tamer.”  She flips the box over again so he can see the front of it.  “I wonder if it works.”

He twists his lips into a grin.  “Having trouble reining yours in?  Need professional help?”

“No.  I’m…”   She places the box back on the shelf.  “It’s just I’m not really good at this kind of stuff…”

“What kind of stuff?”

"Hair. Makeup.  It takes a lot of time.  I'm too impatient."  Pam sighs heavily.  "Not that it'd really make a difference anyway so..."

His heart hurts when he sees this side of her.  He despises those times when it’s painfully obvious she’s blind to what’s right there in front of her.

“Doesn’t seem like it should take too long to me.”  He says softly.  “You’ve got a pretty good head start.”

Her eyes meet his, her hand moves to her hair, letting a section slide through her fingers over and over.  “You don’t think it’s too frizzy?”

“Well.  I mean I’m no expert, Pam.”  He searches for the answer he thinks she wants to hear. “Umm…I think it’s just…curly…”

She throws her hands in the air.  “I just can never do anything with it other than just clip it up in the back.”

“…Or wear a headband.”  He offers, still struggling.

She remembers the few times she’d attempted something new with her unruly hair.  The last time she made an effort was Valentine’s Day.  He’d paid so little attention to her that day she honestly didn’t think he’d noticed.

She blinks when she realizes he’s still talking.  “You should wear it that way more often.  It looks a little softer…”  He whispers, not fully conscious of the fact that his fingers are now reaching out to brush her hair off her shoulder.  His thumb grazes her jaw as he pulls his hand away. “…but you can still see your face.”

She blushes feels a bit lightheaded as her eyes meet his.   She licks her lips nervously.  He sucks in a breath and begins to stand up straight. 

The moment is ruined by a sudden ear piercing shriek of a child being pushed in a cart by his weary looking mother.  Jim gently takes Pam’s elbow so she can move aside and let the woman pass.

It’s suddenly much too quiet and almost awkward as they continue on.  Desperate to cut the tension he dares her to use the PA system.  She hesitates only slightly before she gives in.  He gazes at her adoringly, calling her a dork but meaning something entirely different.

He couldn’t be more in love with her if he tried.

They make their way back to the office, only to head back out again moments later.  When they take the ice, his arm is strong and steady around her waist, his hand firmly holding hers as she shuffles along. 

She smiles to herself, feeling a bit guilty.  When she hesitated earlier he’d immediately taken her arm assuming she’d be unsteady.

She decided then and there not to mention that she’d taken lessons right at this very rink when she was seven.

It was day was full of happy endings for everyone.  Michael finally got the attention he’d craved, Kevin cheated death and she’d spent the whole day laughing with her best friend.

It was very nearly perfect.

That night she does a quick load of laundry, pouring a capful of fabric softener in with a smile.  She sets the knob and makes her way back up from the basement, pulling the clip from her hair.

She walks past Roy and upstairs, smiling all the while. 

Maybe tomorrow she’ll wear a headband again.

Match

Jim stares at her across the table and smiles. 

She looks at him and wonders briefly if there's something on her face. "What?"

He doesn't have a reason.  He simply likes looking at her.

"Nothing."  He shrugs.

She smiles.  "If it's nothing stop looking at me like that."

He breathes out, his eyes take her in.  His hand slides across the small table and his fingers brush hers. 

His thumb rubs over the deep blue stone, slides across the platinum band underneath.   "It's just…are we really sitting here?"

She takes a sip of her champagne, the bubbles tickling her nose and making her giddy. 

"I know that I'm really sitting here."  She leans forward, her brow wrinkles with concern.  "Jim.  Are you feeling alright?"

He narrows his eyes at her.  "You know what I mean."

"Yeah."  She reaches out, clasps his other hand in hers.  "I know what you mean."

xoxoxoxoxoxo 

That first night they'd sat in his car like kids on the last day of summer, not wanting to go back to school.

Pam wrung her hands in her lap, her fingers rustling the silk of her dress.  "It's not going to be easy."  She began, stating the obvious.

"Not at all."  He agreed.

She continued to stare downward and he continued to feel uneasy. 

He tried to keep the question to himself, but it slipped out again before he could stop it.

"Are you sure about this?"

She looked up, met his gaze.  "You need to stop asking me that."

He needed to be sure, before he let himself fall deeper - as if that was at all possible. "I just don't want you changing your mind."

She sighed as her hand reached up to run across his cheek.  Her thumb grazed his bottom lip as she whispered.  "I think it's too late for that.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

There's a breeze stirring the curtains, the scent of the sea fills the air. This was the perfect place to begin the rest of their life, he thinks smugly, incredibly proud of himself.

He'd been the one to find it.

Music floats up from the outdoor bar down below.  Hearing a song she recognizes she walks easily into his arms. She settles there immediately as if she'd always been meant to stay there.

Of course - she had been.  They both knew it now.

And now, in this place, together, it was easy to reminisce.

"I can't believe we've never danced before tonight."  She says softly as she sways to the strains of a saxophone.  Even the music is slow and easy, just like she'd always imagined it would be. 

His feet knock against hers and she steps on his toes as a warning. 

He spins her, but he's no where near as graceful as she'd imagined way back when.  She squeals and grasps his shoulders, hanging on for dear life as he dips her deeply. 

He kisses her with the same thoroughness and she has to catch her breath when she's upright again.

"I can't believe I almost let you get away."  He replies.

"I can't believe I fell for your bluff."  She follows his lead, turns a full circle in his arms.  "Leaving me there, thinking it was all over and then bam! You come upstairs and lay one right on me."

"OK, Miss Misinterpret."  He gives her a condescending look.

She gently applies pressure on the back of his neck to bring his face close to hers again.  "That's Mrs. Misinterpret, to you."  She kisses him deeply before she twirls away from him.  "Get the name right."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

The clock ticked on. 

He knew that she was stalling.  There was no simple fix to this.  It was the most complicated of complicated situations.

Still he needed to hear her say something more.

His lips brushed her ear, making her shiver.  "I kept waiting."

"So did I."  She replied, her fingers curling into the cotton of his sweater. "I kept thinking you'd do something or say something to make me stop."

She ducked her head, inhaled deeply.  Her lips curved into a grin.   "God.  We are both such wusses."  She giggled into his shoulder.

He laughed back at her, the sound almost like thunder rolling low and deep in his chest. 

He'd imagined this whole thing differently - imagined something far more romantic occurring on the night they finally had come to their senses. 

He told her as much.  "You know, somehow this isn't how I thought this conversation would go. I thought you'd be serious for once."

She tilted her face up to his again, laughter lighting her eyes.  "C'mon. How could you?"

xoxoxoxoxoxo

On the night that marked their "last" official date, their conversation turned to their "first". 

"It just…killed me.  I had no idea what to do with myself.  I couldn't believe it.   It was like I had known you forever."  She sniffled a bit, shifted in his lap.

It had be similar for him.  He had known, even then that if he'd had a chance with her it would be something different...more...

It was exactly the reason why it'd been so hard for him to move on.

His hand reaches up to rub a circle over her back.  "Are you going to get all sappy on me Beesly?"

That wasn't exactly her name anymore, but she didn't bother to correct him.  She drew her hand across her cheek to catch an errant tear.  "A little bit."

She knew that he wasn't exaggerating when she heard him whisper.  "You scared me to death."

It always made her heart hurt to hear him say things like that.  She had always thought he'd been the one who was so sure.

His arms tighten around her.  "For a while there I really thought you were going to go through with it."

She touches her mouth to his.  "For a while there I really thought I might have to."

His hands find her hair, his fingers weaving through her curls.  "I guess we should have had a meeting or something back then to - you know - outline our goals."

"Probably would have been a good idea."  She agrees.  "It could have saved us a lot of time."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

The conversation continued to be almost irreverent.  It's taken her a while to get her breathing under control. 

She looked up at him, tears staining her cheeks.  ”God. This is going to suck."

A stray curl laid flat against her cheek.  His hand reached out to brush it away. "Probably." 

Desperation fills every one of her features.  "I don't really even know what to do."

He knows he's not being the most helpful, but he can't help himself. 

"Here's a start.  Return your wedding dress."

A short laugh burst from her mouth as she glared at him.  "Jim." 

She tore her eyes from his, tried to will her mind to stop spinning.  "It's not going to be that simple."

"I know."  He says solemnly.

The next words she spoke cause him to wince on her behalf.  The emotions flooding through them both nearly were causing them physical pain. 

"I don't want to hurt him."

"I know."

She took a deep breath, turned back to him to meet his eyes.  She cradled his face in her hands.  

She smoothed her palms over his cheeks and found them as damp as her own.  It's then that she knows there's no way she can go back. 

Her voice is sure and strong as she surrendered, finally. 

"But I'm going to have to - if I want to stop hurting you."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

They've actually made it.  They've gotten through years of keeping their distance, both in miles and in spirit. 

"Thank you."  He whispers as he pulls her closer.

"For what?"

He stops swaying, his hands spanning her waist to keep her still, His eyes catch hers and hold steady.  "Choosing me."

Every day, every minute that she's known him flashes before her eyes.   He sees her answer there but she knows he craves the words.

"C'mon Jim.  Who are we fooling?"  She knows truer words were never spoken.  "We both know the choice was made long before I ever admitted it."

He looks down at her and she can feel it, how very much he loves her.  It washes over her, like a wave of the ocean she can hear in the distance.

And she knows now that it's okay to admit it.  That this day is really the culmination of something that began so many years ago. 

She's grinning widely as he eases away.  "Who knew?"

"What?"  He leans back on the terrace railing, giving her a self satisfied smile.

She doesn't want to say too much.  He'll get too arrogant.  "How you could…kiss." She laughs as she adds. "Among other things.  I'm telling you.  I had been depriving myself for far too long."

He thinks back to the beginning, to the days they pretended to be blind to the truth.

"Well.  Back then, I didn't have a chance to show you."  He shrugs and rolls his eyes a bit.  "We were just friends."

She moves closer, runs a hand over his chest, thrilled to feel his heart pounding under her palm.  "We were never "just friends" Jim."

He nods, winds his arm around her waist to pull her closer.  He's laughing as their lips meet once more.

"Took you long enough to realize it."