Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

“I’m getting married today!” Pam squealed with delight as she walked briskly down the halls of the church and into a dressing room, her hands full of supplies. Her mother was following closely behind her, carrying her dress. The camera crew followed her into the room and watched her set her rollers and makeup case down gently on a vanity.

“It’s weird that this day is finally here.” she looked back up at the camera. “I mean, when I was engaged before, I was big on the countdown. Like, ‘three months until my wedding, eight months until my wedding, three months until my wedding… again.’ But this time, I tried my best not to do a countdown, and the day seemed to just sneak up on me!” She paused for a moment and glanced at her mother, who wore a gigantic smile that matched her own. “I liked this engagement much better.”

.........

Jim walked at a fast and deliberate place, with Dwight at his heels and the cameraman walking in front of them.

“Now you’re sure you know what you’re doing.”

“Of course. What do I look like?”

“And you know not to let anyone in to her room, not even me.”

“And risk bad luck on the matrimony? Not a chance. I am the impenetrable fortress.”

“And whatever she asks of you, you have to do for her.”

“I am at her disposal.”

“Good. Here’s her room.” They approached the door to Pam’s dressing room, Jim’s arm raised to knock, but he was immediately stopped by the tight grip of Dwight’s hand.

“Are you insane, man?” he whispered fiercely. “You’re forgetting your own rules!”

Jim looked at the camera with an expression as if to say, ‘this is what I have to put up with,’ and then turned back to Dwight. “Oh yeah, right,” he said in his most naïve voice, and then turned to walk away from the man now ferociously guarding the bride’s door.

.........

“So, we remembered what a good job Dwight did at Phyllis’ wedding with keeping unwanted guests out…” Jim paused as he remembered that the only unwanted guest at that reception was Michael, and then he continued, “So we decided to put him on bride guard duty. Basically, Pam was worried Michael would be trying to bother her more than usual today, which… is a legitimate fear, actually.”

.........

“I think I’m a perfect candidate for a guard,” Dwight stated proudly, trying to stand up as straight as he could. “In fact, I once applied to be a bodyguard for the president. They rejected my application though, on the basis of my mother’s maiden name, Manheim. Apparently fighting for the Germans in WWII gets you and your spawn blackballed.”

.........

Michael practically bounced up the steps to the church, a light in his eyes like that of a kid in a candy store. He stopped at the front doors to read the placard announcing the wedding:

Ceremony Today:

For the union of Pamela Beesly and James Halpert

Three o’clock

Reception in the main hall to follow

Michael gave the camera a big toothy grin and pointed at the sign, barely able to speak.

.........

“This day will go down in Dunder Mifflin history,” Michael began, in a voice that was unmistakably giddy. “As the day that the Scranton branch forms its first family. Jan and I don’t really count, cause she was corporate… and we’re not married yet.” Michael thought about this for a moment. “But in a way, we do count, because we are like the level above Jim and Pam. We are the corporate family, and they are like our kids. Which means when they have kids, I’ll be a grandfather.” He nodded in approval of his logic, a stupidly large grin still plastered on his face.

.........

Michael half-skipped down the corridors of the church until he managed to find Dwight, still faithfully guarding Pam’s dressing room door. Michael gave a look to the camera like he would be able to get into the room with no problem, and so his paced slowed to a cool, confident stride.

“Hey buddy,” Michael greeted Dwight with a friendly punch on the arm. Dwight didn’t budge.

“Hello.”

“Pam in there?” he asked innocently. The camera panned to Dwight, who glanced over at it slyly.

“Yes.”

“Can I see her? I want to wish her a happy wedding day.”

“No.”

“Wha—Come on, man!” Michael’s face turned to one of astonishment as Dwight continued to block the entrance.

.........

“You know, Phyllis asked me to co-give her away.” Michael stood, arms crossed in the hallway a short ways away from Dwight, who could be seen in the background of the camera’s shot. “And, I single-handedly get Pam and Jim together and they don’t even ask me to be an usher or anything! And I can’t even see the bride before the ceremony… If they hadn’t purposely saved their ten annual vacation days for a honeymoon, I would’ve given them nothin’.”

.........

“Dwight, how about I give you…” Michael reached into his pockets, “Five whole dollars?”

Dwight scoffed and continued staring straight ahead, “Please.”

“Then how does a…” Michael pondered what he could offer. “A two percent raise sound?”

“Jim said he’d be my servant for a week if I did this for him,” Dwight responded, matter-of-factly. “We have a notarized contract and everything.”

.........

“It reads: ‘The party of the first part is to be the party of the second part’s personal servant for a week, obeying every order given by the party of the second part to the best of the party of the first part’s abilities—‘“ Dwight looked up from the contract and nodded at the camera a impish look on his face. “Welcome to the Hotel Hell; Dwight K. Schrute is the bellboy on-duty.”

.........

Sensing Dwight wasn’t going to budge, Michael decided to go for Plan B. “Fine. Then I will go check on the groom!” he told Dwight, not yet defeated in his chance to be a part of the couple’s special day. He turned up his nose and started off down the hallway again to the groom’s quarters.

.........

Jim was just finishing tying his tie as he continued to talk to the camera, “So, that’s when we just thought, why not make the theme ‘jellybeans’?” He laughed at the thought that his wedding reception was themed like a child’s birthday party, and then he looked back at the camera, “Pam actually did some investigating, and it turns out the Jelly Belly website has lots of ideas for favors for guests and table arrangements… And we’re actually giving away a whole jar of jellybeans to the person who guesses how many are in the jar.” He gave the camera a sly smile and then said softly, “There’s 12,463. That was a fun day counting all of those out.”

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Jim looked at his watch, wondering if it may be one of his groomsmen, and then opened the door to find Michael on the other side. He shot a look to the camera and then greeted his visitor, “Michael… How are ya? I thought you were coming later with Jan…”

“Jim-bag…” Michael pushed his way through the door and stood in the center of the room, an annoyed expression on his face. “Why is it that I can’t see the bride?”

“Oh, because she doesn’t want you to.” Jim knew as the words were coming out of his mouth that that explanation might be a tad hurtful, and so he did the honorable thing and told a white lie. “See, she wants everyone to be surprised by… her dress and everything.”

“Why? Is it like red or something? Or stained—Like a joke dress?” Michael giggled at the thought as Jim gave another look to the camera.

“Nope, it’s, uh—“ They both heard a vibration coming from the small vanity. It was Jim’s phone, and so he rushed to pick it up. “Hello?... Hey man… What?... Slow down…” Michael watched as the expression on Jim’s face grew serious. After a short while, he finally managed to say, “Okay… Well obviously that’s—yeah. It starts at three, so… Yeah, keep me updated… Bye.” He closed the phone and looked up at Michael. “That was my brother, my best man. His daughter’s in the hospital with a really high fever… Man, I hope she’s okay.”

Michael looked solemn for only a moment before he asked, “So, the position of best man is open then?”