Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.




Pam sat at her desk playing a game of solitaire, with a half-finished memo minimized underneath in case Michael came by. He had been acting so weird today. Well, more so than usual. He would stand at her desk with a big, goofy grin on his face, just giggle and walk back into his office.

Yeah, something was definitely up.

Pam figured it had to have something to do with the fact that Michael said corporate was making them work after hours tonight. He had made it clear on Monday that they were not to plan anything that night outside of work. She figured it was more than likely some 50's themed inventory or Full Moon Masquerade Ball- another of Michael's silly parties.

About 4:15 he came out and you could tell he just couldn't hold it in any longer. He had a huge grin on his face and had his face covering his hands like a little kid. "Okay, people. I'll bet you've all been just busting at the seams to find out what is going on tonight, and the wait is over."

Pam was only half listening to Michael. She had been studying the back of Jim's collar. The way his hair curled up just above it, and the collar was sideways revealing just a little of his brown tie. For just a few minutes she let herself fantasize about what would happen if she were to walk over and fix his collar, then run her hands along the front of his shirt and bend down to kiss his neck...

"Casino Night! Yes, its been too long, my friends. I decided it was time for another of my famous Casino nights in the warehouse. There are a few of you-Karen, Andy-who have never had the pleasure of witnessing this awesome event. Well, let me tell you, you are in for a treat!"

Except for a pained moan from Angela, and cheers from Kevin and Dwight, Pam heard absolutely nothing after that. Her eyes were fixated on the back of Jim's head and her heart was beating far too loudly for her to hear anything Michael said. She waited to see his reaction, but he turned to look at his computer screen, and she knew it was because he wanted to avoid any possibility of eye contact with her. She heard little pieces of info from Michael. "Be here at 7 pm..." then "best Casino Night ever..." and "everybody dress up and make me proud!" but all she could do was try to erase the images that came to her all at once, in a flood-the desk, the parking lot, Jim's lips on hers. She couldn't wait til Michael shut up so she could just get out of there. She needed to compose herself, and figure out how she would get through this night.



From the moment Michael uttered the words Casino Night, Jim froze. For a moment he thought he'd heard him all wrong-almost willed it to be so. He fixated his gaze on the computer screen. He knew if he turned his head toward Michael, Pam would see his bewilderment. Oh, God, the thoughts that just those two words conjured up in his mind! But he couldn't let himself go there-not here. Not in front of Pam, and certainly not in front of Karen. This had to be the worst timing and it hadn't been very long since Roy had come after him that afternoon in the office.

He was still letting the anger he felt towards Pam settle in his gut. You know, he thought, maybe it wouldn't be so hard to deal with tonight. He would just remind himself of Pam's stupidity in getting back with Roy, then Roy coming after him and with a girl as awesome as Karen on his arm he wouldn't even think about the past. All of sudden it seemed silly to him, and he decided he might have fun that night after all. A night to look towards the future rather than dredge up hurt from the past.

*******

Pam had showered and was standing in front of her closet in her underwear. She hadn't planned on needing anything to dress up in, and money had been tight since she left Roy. When she first left, she'd even had to take an extra job on the weekends at a coffee house for two months just to get on her feet. She didn't have alot, but she was proud of herself for being brave enough to leave him and make it on her own. She had kicked herself when she woke up with Roy the morning after Phyllis' wedding. She had been so miserable the night before, and seeing Karen in Jim's arms dancing just pushed her over the edge. It was when she caught herself imagining it was Jim and not Roy making love to her that night when it hit her what a mess she had made for herself. Giving Roy false hope. Letting Jim see her leave with him- He had to have lost all respect for her after watching her go back to someone who treated her so poorly.

She had grown so tired of figuring out what was going on in Jim's head. He ran hot and cold with her. He stood in the parking lot as they talked Michael off the ledge during his fake suicide attempt, smiling and making jokes. Then two days later it was like he couldn't stand to look her direction, even ignoring her smile as she passed him in the break room.

As Pam looked through the dismal array of possibilities for that night's attire, her hand rested on the dress. She stopped cold, her hand grasping the silky periwinkle fabric and tugging it off the hanger. She hadn't worn it since that night. She hadn't cleaned it. It was probably all in her mind but when she held it to her face, she could swear it smelled like him. Sitting down on her bed, she lay it over her knees and closed her eyes. The same images she had pushed away this afternoon were still fresh in her memory. His eyes sad and desperate, a little scared. "I'm in love with you". She could still hear his words and see the tear as it rolled down his cheek. Every time she thought of it her stomach turned. How could she have stood there, making him believe he had seen it all wrong?
What Pam wouldn't give to turn the clock back, make it all different. She let it all go, let him walk out. She had just needed time, and he saw it as a rejection. Suddenly, her thoughts made her weary. Pam realized she had been carrying these feeling around for so long that it exhausted her.

She looked down at the dress for a long time.

What would he do if she showed up looking exactly as she had that night. Would it remind him that maybe he still loved her? Or would he hate her even more for bringing up the pain of that night? Either way, she knew it would shock him to see her that way. She was so tired of the game, not knowing what was going on in his mind. She knew that one way or another, she would get a reaction out of him if she did it. Her desire to know Jim's feelings coupled with a newfound sense of courage bubbled up inside Pam.

So, the periwinkle dress it was. Now all Pam had to do was roll her hair, do her makeup and slip on THE dress.


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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.




Jim heard thunder as he pulled into the parking lot at the office park. He had been psyching himself up all afternoon, reminding himself how plain Pam was compared to Karen. He stole a glance at her next to him in the car. She was wearing a pretty sexy little navy blue dress that hugged her everywhere and ended right above the knee, showing off her great legs. She was confident, career-driven and great-looking. Any guy would be nuts not to want her. Then why was it that just the passing thought of Pam, or mention of her name sent chills up Jim’s spine and knotted his stomach. He knew all the answers, he just didn’t want to acknowledge them.

As he stepped out of his car and reached to put on his sport jacket, he looked over and Karen was checking her face in the mirror. “Hey, Jim. I’m gonna go on in. I need to freshen up a bit.”

“Yeah, definitely. See you inside.” He watched her walk in and let out a deep breath. As he looked around the parking lot to find Pam’s car near the door, his resolve began to unravel. Before, he was sure he could just put all that had happened that night out of his head, but it was as if the words, the kiss-all of it hung in the air. Something made him feel nervous and sick. It was just another night and it was ridiculous to obsess over it. He walked towards the door deciding he was making a big deal out of nothing.

****

Pam hung back from everyone else on purpose. She wanted to scope him out, see him and prepare herself. For what, she didn’t know yet. “Hey Pam!” She turned around and there stood Michael, obviously very happy with pulling off his little surprise. “Isn’t it awesome!? I got the same guys to set it all up as last year. I really wanted some clowns and like, maybe a magician to walk around and do tricks, but I sort of ran out of money.”

“It looks great Michael.” She was trying hard not to be obviously looking at the door.

“Oh, God, Dwight no!” Michael rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air. “ I knew I shouldn’t have let Dwight be in charge of security. Dwight, you can’t pat people down like that!”

Pam was glad he was gone, so she could focus on...him. He was walking in the door. Alone. She wondered where Karen was, and then pretty quickly she joined him looking extremely sexy. How can I compete with that, Pam thought. Good lord, he’d be an idiot to leave her for me.

She had to draw a breath. God, she forgot how sexy Jim was dressed up. She would forever remember what he had on last year. But tonight he was dressed in a pair of dark pants and a blue button-up shirt with the top button undone under a dark sport coat. What she wouldn’t give to undo the rest of those buttons..

Pam had outdone herself dressing up. The dress, the very same earrings, she fixed her hair the same, only her shoes were a little different. She even wore the same perfume. She watched him laugh at something Karen said and a felt a little twinge of what she grudgingly admitted to herself was jealousy. She wanted to be the one he was laughing with and it hurt.

“Hi, Pam. You look really nice.” Kelly complimented her and took a sip of her drink.
“Oh, thanks Kelly. So do you.” Then she looked at Pam sideways. “Oh my God, isn’t that the same dress you wore last year? I mean, its really pretty and everything. I just really hate wearing stuff twice. It is sooooo much fun to go and shop for special nights like this!” Ryan brought her another drink, and it gave Pam a chance to get away.

***
Jim was almost distracted from looking for Pam. Karen had decided to try her hand at poker, so he decided to watch Michael shoot craps. That would be entertaining, he thought. And then he decided he might go and tell Dwight that he saw someone who was a security risk and then watch him track the down the suspect . The night was definitely looking up. And then he saw her.

She was standing across from him at the craps table wedged in between Darryl and someone he didn’t know. When he looked her up and down, a lump formed in his throat. He had worn a wide smile watching Michael try to tell the guy in charge of the craps table that he was doing his job wrong. But, When he saw her his smile immediately left his face and it was like someone sucker-punched him in the gut. His eyes locked on hers, and he could swear she was waiting for his reaction. After several painful moments, he turned and walked hurriedly away from the table.

He just needed to take a breather-collect himself. But he ran into Karen instead. “Hey, you! I just won at Blackjack. I am, like, so lucky tonight!” He looked everywhere but at her.

He raised his eyebrows and painted on a smile. “Wow, that’s great. Listen, um, I’ll find you after I finish going to the restroom, okay?”

“Okay, I think maybe I’ll do roulette this time. Hurry back, Halpert.” And she rubbed her hand across his back.

He didn’t look back, just made a beeline for the men’s room. Thankfully, it was empty except for the bartender who was drying his hands and headed out the door.

God, why would she do that? Was she trying to punish him? Torture him? She had to know what seeing her looking that way would do to him. For those few torturous minutes, he felt like he had been transported back in time to almost a year ago. The scary thing was that not only were the circumstances the same, but the feelings were there too. Jim was slapped in the face by the onslaught of emotion he felt seeing her that way.

Everything-the hair, her jewelry-it was all the same. He knew because he had spent countless nights reliving it and then trying to forget it. He had dreamed of her in that dress and woken up in cold sweats only to spend the entire night wide awake with the memory of her locked in his head. All that shit he had fed himself about Karen and how awesome she was just flew right out the window the minute he saw her.

Now what he couldn’t figure out was why she did it. To be cruel? No way, he knew Pam better than anyone ever could and she didn’t have a cruel bone in her body. To provoke him, maybe. But why would she want to do that? There did exist the possibility that she had done it innocently. That she had entirely forgotten the specifics of that night. The thought of that hurt too much, so he just dismissed the thought entirely. Maybe she had nothing else to wear. This was insane.

Obviously, he had to find her. Talk to her and pick her brain or something. But with Karen around it would be tricky.

***

Pam looked around and didn’t see Jim anywhere. The shock he registered on his face when he saw her was pretty obvious. He looked hurt, and she hadn’t prepared herself for the thought that seeing that would hurt her too. She really believed he was way over everything that had happened that night. Maybe she had gone too far.

She’d spent the last few minutes talking to Toby, and then playing a round of roulette, which she lost. She didn’t care. She only wanted to see Jim. Suddenly he was there, scanning the room with his eyes, probably looking for Karen. But when his eyes locked on hers, she knew it wasn’t Karen he was searching out. It was her. His eyes looked dark and odd. She couldn’t read him and she usually read him pretty well.

The minute she realized he was seeking her out, she headed for the door to the parking lot. It was the only place they could be alone uninterrupted. She knew being there would be surreal given the circumstances, but maybe it would make him remember. Remind him why he loved her if he had completely forgotten.

She stood leaning against her car when she saw him walk out. It was the first time in what seemed like forever that they were actually seeking each other out.



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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

When he saw her at her car, Jim walked towards her. He seemed purposeful, like he was on a mission.

He stopped and leaned up against Michael’s car directly across from her, shoving his hands in his pockets.

They didn’t say anything for a few minutes. “You look nice tonight.” Pam said, and she meant it. He looked unbelievably sexy. His hair was a little longer than usual and winds from the obviously approaching storm blew it around a little.

“Thanks.” He was looking at her strangely. She didn’t know if he was angry or indifferent.

Jim didn’t know what to say to her. Her knew he had to be looking at her oddly, his brows slightly raised and a blank stare on his face. It was hard to be this near Pam. He had purposely kept his distance since coming back from Stamford. She was the only person who had ever affected him in such a way with her physical presence. It made it really hard to concentrate.

“So,” he finally said to her, sounding the slightest bit angry, she thought. “ What was the idea behind all this?” He looked her up and down when he said it.

“Behind what?” She paused and then when he looked at the ground, she said, “Oh, you mean my dress? “ She looked at her dress, pretending unconvincingly not to remember. “God, that’s right! I think I wore this same dress last year to Casino Night. I can’t believe you even remembered that.” She said the last sentence softly, almost sweetly.

It made him look up. There was something in her face, something almost pleading.
“Come on, Pam. Did you really think I didn’t remember?”

“Sometimes I think you’ve forgotten everything from before you left for Stamford.”

Jim looked at her and she looked hurt. He had forgotten how seeing Pam that way made him want to reach out and pull her into his arms. He had been ignoring those feelings for such a long time that it surprised him how strong they were. Pam stood up away from the
car where she was leaning and took a couple of steps toward him.

"Pam, why are you doing this?" His voice was low, almost a whisper. It was what he wanted to ask all along, but didn't know if he really wanted the answer.

"I guess I wanted to get your attention. That seems to be really hard to do lately, since you look through me like I'm invisible." When Pam looked at him, he looked taken aback at her honesty. She had said she was going to be more honest, and she decided it was now or never. She had lied to him and to herself and look where it had gotten her. No, she would be brutally honest with him tonight.

Jim knew it was true, but she made it sound like it was what he wanted. She had given him no choice but to move on and he had constructed whatever walls and crutches he needed to move past the pain. But it would be too close to the truth to admit it. "Pam, that's not true. We're friends. I mean, I have a girlfriend. I can't be at your desk and everything like I used to be. Come on.."

"It never stopped you when I was with Roy and you were with Katy. I mean, Karen doesn't have too much control over what you do, does she?" She was being mean spirited and sarcastic, and she knew it. "You never liked it when Roy tried to control me."

Jim couldn't believe her. She was actually picking a fight with him and it was starting to piss him off. She had turned his world upside down and now she was angry over the fact that he hadn't just walked back into Scranton and resumed everything the way it used to be.
"What the hell, Pam? What's going on here? I gave you what you wanted. I left you alone to be with Roy, and that was your decision. How can you expect things not to change? "

The thunder was starting to get louder and the wind picked up, blowing Pam's hair around her face softly. Even as angry as he was, Jim thought she looked beautiful in the glow of the moonlight.

"Jim.." She looked at him with a sadness in her face. She was closer to him now, too close. " I..I'm sorry for what happened that night." She felt tears start to build up in her eyes, but she fought them back. She wanted to know how he really felt, and she didn't want him to feel sorry for her. His face changed from anger to something else in a second. "Will you ever forgive me? I can't stand you looking at me day after day like...well...like you hate me."

"Oh, no Pam. How could you say that?" Jim couldn't believe she had said that-thought that. There wasn't a single moment, no matter what she had done that would ever make him hate her. No, that would never happen. "I could never hate you."

Something in his face gave her the courage to be bold. To be the new Pam, the courageous Pam. She took another step forward, closing the gap between them. She covered his cheek with her hand, and he closed his eyes. "Pam, no.." He protested but didn't move away. Then she did something she had wanted to all night. She reached up to where his shirt was open and slid her hand underneath it to touch his chest.

When their skin made contact, she heard Jim take a little gasp of air, like her touch had shocked him. "Please don't do this Pam. I can't do this again."
But she ignored him. She was too close now. She'd dreamed of nothing else ever since that night. Dreamed of touching him again, his arms around her waist, holding her against him. She wanted to breathe in his smell and feel his mouth on hers the way it was that night.

Her hand moved from his neck to his hair, and it took very little effort to pull him towards her. She moved in until his lips just barely touched hers, and she whispered against his open mouth. "I love you, Jim." She could feel his heartbeat quicken underneath his shirt, and he pulled back quickly to read her face.

When Jim pulled back from Pam, he couldn't breathe. He had to have heard her wrong. Had she just told him she loved him? "What? What did you say?"

"I always did. I just needed some time. I was scared, and shocked. And Roy and I had been together for so long that....well, it was hard." He just stood there with his mouth parted, scared to move.

She continued, "I know it's probably too late. I let you walk out. It was the stupidest thing I ever did, but I didn't know what to do. I spent all that weekend thinking and I was going to talk to you on Monday, but then-" She looked down at her hands, and he could see tears threatening on her lashes.

"I never came back." He looked at her and she wasn't able to hold the tears back anymore. She put her hands to her face to hide her cries. "I'm sorry," she said, " I just thought you would give me more time."

All of a sudden Jim felt like a total fool. Had he just stayed around, he wouldn't be in this position. She would have been his, had he waited a little longer. He put a hand on either side of her face and brought her lips to meet his. Her lips were salty from the tears and he brought his hands around her waist to move her closer to him. The fierceness with which she responded to his kiss surprised and aroused him. She wound her arms around his neck and leaned into him and he could feel himself drowning in her.

Pam thought she would lose her senses, and her knees were so weak. She kissed his cheek, his eyes and her fingers made their way through his hair. All of sudden she felt droplets of rain and before they knew it, it was coming down in sheets, and they were drenched. They ran towards the door to the office and stood in front of the elevator, soaking wet.

It was the oddest thing and it struck Pam as funny, and she started to laugh.

"What are you laughing at, Beesly?" Oh, God how she had longed to hear him say her name that way again.

"I am laughing at you, Halpert. You look ridiculous." They were both laughing now.

"So, now we're drenched. What are we going to do?" Jim looked around like he thought there might be a way to dry off.

"Oh, wait. I have my key to the office. Let's go try and dry off." She punched the elevator button and they waited, their eyes locked on each other.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.




While they stood waiting for the elevator to open, Jim realized something. "Oh, shit!"
"What," Pam looked confused, and then she realized.
"Karen, she's still in there. It's not gonna be pretty when I go back in there. Especially if she realizes you're gone too."

Jim had confirmed what she had an idea of, and that was Karen's jealousy. It kind of made her glad, even though she hated to admit it. Maybe if Karen was jealous, there was a reason...

"I've gotta go find her. Look, you're soaking wet-go on up and I'll be there soon-DONT leave, okay? Oh, and here-" He took off his jacket, because she was trembling and cold. It was just like him to notice.

"Jim, do you really think she's going to let you leave her and come back here? I mean, come on. " She imagined Karen would be livid, and she really didn't expect to see Jim again tonight. "Listen, I understand you needing to leave-" She never got to finish her sentence.
"No. There were things...we said...you said things that have to be finished." As he eyed her for her reaction, the elevator doors opened.

"Okay." She smiled a tiny smile. "I won't go anywhere."

When Pam got to the door of the office, it was already open. Michael must have unlocked it for something earlier. But the lights were almost all off. It reminded her so much of how it looked that night a year ago, except it was a little dimmer. She walked over to her desk and flipped on a small light. Suddenly, she remembered something important, something she meant for Jim to see tonight. She reached into her right-hand drawer and pulled out an envelope, laying it in front of her computer. She was so tired, emotionally and physically tired. She lay her head on her desk and it wasn't long before sleep overtook Pam.

***
It took about half an hour to haul a very drunk Karen into his car and deposit her into her bed at her apartment. She had pretty much passed out as soon as he had gotten her into his car, and she had already had way too much to drink when he found her the warehouse. He was so thankful there wouldn't be any long drawn out discussion about where he'd been. He knew there would a time soon for that-and it would be brutal. But right now all he wanted was to finish what Pam had started. He had to have answers from her.

He had locked up, making sure Karen's apartment was secure. He felt a twinge of guilt as he left. She was truly all the things he had told himself before. On paper, in any logical argument with himself, she was the perfect girl. Her most glaring flaw being that she wasn't, and never would be, Pam. He tried to wrap his mind around the idea that Pam had said the words to him-"I love you". He couldn't convince himself that it had actually happened, no matter how hard he tried.

It was a pretty quick 10 minute drive back to the office with no traffic to speak of. He pulled into the parking right next to Pam's car. She was still waiting. He had been kind of afraid that she would bolt. But the Pam he had seen tonight was a different Pam Beesly. Not the same girl who had looked at him that night in the parking lot scared to death, because she knew exactly what he was about to say. Not the same girl who had tried to blame the kiss she returned to him on alcohol. No, she was not the same. And he kind of liked this new girl he was seeing.

When he reached the door of Dunder Mifflin, he looked around standing in front of Michael's office, but he didn't see her anywhere. He walked over to reception, and then he saw her, fast asleep in front of her computer. Something about her face, the sweetness in it as she slept, made his face red, made him think of what it would be like to look over and see her that way every night and every morning. God, she was perfect.

Just as he reached down to wake her, he noticed an envelope laying in front of the phone on her desk. She had simply written across it- JIM. He picked it up and opened it. It was a letter.

Jim,

I needed time to think. Please forgive me for letting you leave the other night. It was all so much to take in, and I've spent the entire weekend doing nothing but thinking. In fact, I've decided to swear off thinking for a while. But I need you to know something.

I'm in love with you.

Pam

Something woke Pam. Maybe the feeling like someone was in the room. She looked up and saw Jim holding a piece of paper, and she noticed when she checked her desk the letter was gone. "Jim...." She didn't know what he'd think of it. How he'd react. "I wrote it on Sunday, and I was going to give it to you on Monday morning, but, well...you know you never came back." She fought back tears at remembering the pain when Michael told her Jim was gone for good. She had spent all day in and out of the bathroom trying to hide her crying from her co-workers.

He was looking at her now, a bewildered look on his face. She rose to walk towards him, wishing she could erase all the pain that had passed between them. They had both had their fair share.

"I kind of screwed myself, didn't I? I mean, if I had never left..." He didn't finish. She was in front of him now. Beautiful, soft and the look on her face...it was a look he had only seen in his dreams. Jim let the paper fall out of his hands as he reached down to slide the jacket he had given her off her shoulders. Her hair was still wet from rain, and it was messy from where she had slept on it. He cupped her face with his hands as he rubbed his thumb over her lips.

Pam reached in front of her, resting her hands on his chest, and she could feel his heartbeat beating fiercely. "I want to hear you say it again." His eyes were full of something that made Pam warm all over, something that she wanted him to do to her. "What you said in the parking lot-say it again."

Pam paused, licking her lips. "I love you."

And that was all it took to send him over the edge. He knew when he looked into her eyes that she was giving him permission to do whatever he wanted. Because she wanted the same. His hands moved to tangle in her hair, and he was kissing her now, not the way he had that night. No, this was impatient and needy. His hands began to roam, to search places that he had never touched on Pam before and the more he touched the more he wanted.

He took her hand and pulled her into the conference room where they couldn't be seen from the hall. Jim backed her against the wall and his lips moved from her neck to her chest where her dress formed a v. She suddenly felt impatient. She had wanted to feel his skin on hers for what seemed like an eternity, and so she moved to unbutton his shirt, fumbling with the buttons until she thought she would lose her mind. As if he knew what she was thinking, she could feel his hand slide up her back and undo the zipper on her dress and she wiggled out of it.



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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.




Pam wiggled out of her dress and slipped out of her low-heeled shoes in one motion. It was scary and intoxicating all at once to be standing there, in front of him in only her underwear. Two thin pieces of material the only thing separating them from something life-changing. Something they had both wanted for too long. Jim had her face held in his hands, a look on his face that was too hard to read.

Jim stood frozen, his heart and body knew exactly what to do. She stood there pressed against him, the thing he had wanted more than anything, saying that she loved him and obviously more than ready for him to make love to her. He had told himself that he wouldn’t allow that to happen in the car on the way over. He just wasn’t the type of guy that would do that to his girlfriend-to Karen. The same woman who he had convinced himself was the one he ought to be with was the same woman he didn’t want to even remember now. He wanted desperately to forget her, to drown everything in Pam.

He pulled back, turned and walked towards the door of the conference room. The blinds were closed, the door half opened. He shut the door and turned the lock so they wouldn’t be disturbed. He knew what he was going to do was horrible-the worst thing he could possibly imagine, but when he turned back to her, his back resting at the locked door, his shirt untucked and left open, he looked at Pam. She stood still, looking at him, the most unbelievable thing he had ever seen. He had dreamed of what she might look like too many times, but she was more than that. Her chest rose and fell quickly, her breath heavy from their encounter, and her breasts…suddenly it was too much to be merely a few feet away. He crossed the room in only two steps and his hands were everywhere. Pam reached up and impatiently pushed his shirt off and on to the floor. Her hands roamed over his back and she thought his shoulders were wider than she had thought they'd be and for some reason that drove her crazy.

Pam felt him reach up and unhitch the clasp of her bra, felt it fall to the floor. The feeling of her chest on his bare skin unleashed a warmth in the place she knew she wanted him to be. He reached up and ran his thumb across her nipple, and she heard an involuntary moan escape from her lips. Then she felt his lips on her breast. All she could think was she couldn’t believe she was here-that he was here. When he raised his head again to kiss her, she pulled her head back to look in his eyes. It seemed so surreal that she had to remind herself it was Jim. She wanted to know it wasn’t some dream she had entered that she would wake from, sad and frustrated. “Jim, don’t stop. Please, I need you. I’ve waited so long. I…” And she couldn’t finish because his lips were on hers, a soft but passionate kiss, one that told her he would give her what she wanted. She wanted him to know she meant what she said, so her hand was on the soft skin of his stomach and then slowly she slid into his pants and her hand met him there. There was a sharp intake of his breath, and then “Oh, God Pam!” She felt him start to ease down her underwear and she wanted him right then, wanted to be so much closer than she was, as close to him as she could be. She reached down and unbuckled his belt, throwing it to the ground and hastily unzipping his pants, then reaching around to explore the soft skin below his hips. All she could hear was the gasping of their breath together, hot and finding skin to kiss everywhere except for the occasional moment when they would find each other’s eyes to remind themselves that it was real, that they were Jim and Pam and not some other person they had used to forget each other. Then they heard it.

“Oh, man it’s Michael!” Jim whispered, sounding like it was hard to breathe. “What do we do?” Pam whispered back, suddenly panicked. Neither she or Jim could imagine what they would have to deal with if they were caught together, completely undressed with the conference room locked. There would be no explaination-no way out. As they both hurried to redress, buckling and buttoning, Jim looked at Pam. “ I’ve got an idea.”

“Stay here and don’t move, okay?” She nodded in response, still reeling over having to recover from their almost lovemaking.

He opened the conference room door, completely clothed except still buttoning his shirt.
“Hey Michael, is that you?” He looked around into his office.

“Hey, Jimbo-hey, what’re you doing up here? You missed a great party down there. Man, Karen got really drunk and she was flirting with Ryan-Kelly got really pissed off, there was almost a fight! What an awesome Casino night!” Michael was looking for something on his desk, rummaging around, when he looked up and realized Jim was sort of half-dressed. “What happened to you, anyway. Did you get lucky with Karen?” Michael looked at Jim like a teenager that wants to hear his best friend lost his virginity.

“No, actually, I took Karen home since she was pretty wasted and when I came back, I got caught in a downpour. I thought I might come up here and try to dry off my shirt before I got back down to the warehouse.” Michael seemed fairly uninterested when he realized Jim’s story didn’t involve sex, so Jim knew he pretty much bought that excuse.

“Have you seen Pam?” Michael asked and Jim looked up, taken aback. “Um, nope. Not since I left the warehouse with Karen. Why?”

“Well, I wanted to tell this really awesome joke, and Pam had my joke book the other day, checking it for me and I can’t find it. I guess I’ll have to look one up on the net.” With that he sat down at the computer for what seemed to Jim to be a while.

“Listen, I’m gonna grab my jacket from the conference room, finish dressing and go. I’m beat, Michael.” He backed out of the room, hearing a muffled ‘okay’ from Michael before slipping back into the conference room and closing the door.

“So?” Pam whispered. She was fully dressed now, and Jim couldn’t help feeling sad that what almost happened didn’t, but also feeling glad he had been stopped from cheating on Karen. He knew that after the fact, when all was said and done, he wanted the first time they were together to be perfect and it couldn’t be if guilt was involved. Still, looking at her now he ached to have her that near him again. The thought that he had to go home alone, remembering what she felt like pressed against him, hearing her say “I love you” again and again, he knew he was in for a full night of sleeplessness and frustration.

“He bought it, now we just have to get out of here without him seeing you. Look, I’m gonna go into his office and shut the door, maybe get him to talk about the thing downstairs and you’ll have to crawl past his window til you get the door of the office.”

“You’re kidding me. This is crazy-I feel like I’m 14 or something and I’m trying to sneak out of my parent’s house to see a boy.” She laughed a little to ease the tension, knowing once she left she wouldn’t see him again tonight. She wondered how he would feel once he had the time to think about everything. Would he go back to Karen, realize how much more beautiful and perfect she was than Pam?

“Well,” he smiled back, that perfectly handsome Jim smile that made her weak in the knees. “Desperate times call for desperate measures, Pam.” He walked over to the door, about to open it. “Hey, Beesly, you alright?” She shook her head yes and smiled softly at him, wanting him to see in her eyes that she had meant absolutely everything she had said to him. He seemed a little more like himself just then, his smile like the old Jim, the one who used find excuses to lean at her desk and make her giggle. “Okay. Hey, before you leave-” He stopped and his look changed to something completely different in a heartbeat. “I love you, Pam.” He didn’t move and neither did she.

“Good, because I didn’t want to work too hard to have to make you change your mind.” She was teasing him now, because she was so happy to hear those words, and because that was just them-just what they did and why she loved him.

He opened the door, and walked out, Pam crawling past the half-window and out the front door, trying not to giggle.

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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended


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Jim lay awake most of the night. He watched T.V., tried to read a book, drank three beers, and picked up the phone a total of (if he counted correctly) 7 times to call Pam but never did. He knew he would have to have a really horrid discussion with Karen tommorrow. He couldn't put it off til Sunday, because his hope was that if she were extremely angry, it might help to have a day to cool off before going back to the office.

So when he finally got up and dressed the next morning, at 9 am, he was already exhausted. He wiped the fog off the mirror, checking himself and thought he looked like hell. Pam is what's waiting on the other side, he kept telling himself. But he had thought about all the decisions -stupid ones- he'd made since he came back from Stamford and the guilt he felt was palpable. It made his stomach sick to think that he was totally and completely responsible for the pain and hurt he was about to heap upon Karen.

He had taken her home completely wasted. He had wondered, however, if her drunkenness had anything to do with him. The thought had crossed his mind that she had come to look for he and Pam and maybe seen something or even just realized they had both happened to disappear at the same time. Jim jumped at hearing the doorbell ring. How could it be Karen this early? Maybe it was Pam, he thought, and it made him quicken his steps.

But he was right on the first count. And knew from the look on her face when he opened the door it wasn't good.

"Hey, can I come in? You are alone, right?" She looked around him as if she expected someone to be there.

"Yeah, of course. " He put on a little fake smile, but He didn't ask what she meant about being alone. He had the feeling he would get the answer to that all too soon. "You were unbelievably drunk last night. What exactly did you drink, Fillipelli?" He laughed a nervous laugh, but her face never changed.

"Jim, where the hell were you all night?" And now here it comes, he thought.

"Karen, I..I just..I had to step out a minute. I walked outside to get some air." He knew it sounded ridiculous. He didn't know why he continued to make excuses since his whole intention was to break her heart anyway. He just looked at her. She knew he was lying, and he decided to give up trying to run from it. This was it and he just had to dig in and get through it.

"Sit down, Karen. We need to talk." She sat on the edge of his sofa, and he took a chair across the room. "You're going to hate me in a few minutes, and you'll have every right to." He could see her face change as she prepared for something awful.

"You were with Pam the whole time weren't you? I know, 'cause I saw you guys."

Jim's fear was that she had seen them together in the conference room somehow. "When? I mean, we were talking outside, so..." He wanted to let her give him the info.

"I came outside to look for you and I saw you talking by her car, but I just left and went back into the warehouse. But you never came back. I couldn't find you after that." She stopped, and then-"Do you have something you need to tell me?"

"Karen-" she didn't let him finish. "Did you sleep with her last night?" Karen gave a look like she already thought it was true. Jim thought the most awful part was that he had every intention of doing that had Michael not shown up.

"No. But some other things did happen. I'm not gonna lie to you, Karen. You need to hear me. Just listen and when I'm done you can beat me up, or set fire to my clothes or whatever."

"Well, this sounds great. I take it your not going to propose marriage to me, or profess your undying love or anything like that." She was already being angry and sarcastic.

Jim sighed. Just get it over with, he kept telling himself.

"Karen, last night Pam told me she loved me." He stopped for a moment to see her reaction. Her eyebrows raised in surprise, but he had expected her to be much more so than she was. Karen knew he had feelings for Pam, but she shouldn't have had any idea that Pam may have felt something for him.

"Um...and we talked for a long time. In the parking lot and up in the office. The truth is, Karen, that I think I've never stopped being in love with Pam. I wanted to stop. I went to Stamford to make it all go away and when we met I really liked you. I was trying to move on and I really wanted to feel things for you." Jim checked her face but she was looking down at the floor.

"When I told you I had feelings for Pam, I should have told you I had been in love with her, and it wasn't just a little crush. But I still thought maybe I could love you."

"But you couldn't." Karen said quietly. He could tell she was crying. "You let this thing go on all this time and the minute Pam tells you her feelings you just dump the bitch that's in the way. I get it."

Jim had no excuse. Nothing to say that would comfort her because he was all in the wrong, and the stuff she way saying was mostly true.

"Karen, you are an awesome woman. You deserve better-"

"Don't give me that shit, Jim. Okay, lets just stop bull shitting and lay it all out. You used me to make Pam jealous. I was your, like 'just in case' girl. I was the one who you would fall back on in case Pam didn't care about you and you needed somebody to keep you company." She was full-on in tears now.

"Wait, Karen, that is not true. I always cared about you, I never meant to hurt you purposefully. And I tried with every bone in my body to love you, but I just couldn't. " At that point, he gave up and decided to let her scream at him, knowing she had to get it out of her system. He deserved it and he'd sit and take it.

In the end, she just slammed the door and told him that "he wasn't worth the time she'd spent on him."

The whole thing was awfully ugly, just as he had expected, but necessary. It had gone on way too long. After all those nights she spent dragging his feelings out of him early on in their relationship, he should have seen then that it would never work. But even then he saw her good points, and he truly wanted to feel what he couldn't feel.

But that part of him really always belonged to someone else. He closed his eyes and he could see her smile across his old desk, hear her giggle when he did his Dwight impression. She was the complete opposite of Karen and he loved every inch of who she was.

He thought about the day when he went to work at Dunder Mifflin. He even remembered what she had on. It was a white button up shirt with a pale blue sweater and gray skirt. He remembered thinking that she had the prettiest sparkling eyes he'd ever seen and when she laughed it made the room light up. The first time he put Dwight's stapler in Jello had elicited one of those special laughs only Pam could produce, and from then on he was hooked. Every chance he could get he would make her laugh. It was like his own form of heroin.

Now the possibility-no, the surety-existed that they would be together. He smiled a wide smile to himself knowing where he should be. "Then what the hell are you waiting for, Halpert?" He said aloud to himself. And he grabbed his car keys and was out the door.
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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.





Pam hadn't slept well. How could she, with everything that happened the night before. She couldn't believe she had gone through with it. It was so unlike everything she had ever done before, and it felt really good. She couldn't stop smiling on the way home and it had carried over to this morning. She felt courageous, like she had done something so out of her element, so gutsy that it made her think of something Jim had said to her once. They had been in the break room, and he found out she wasn't going to apply for the art internship at Dunder Mifflin that Jan told her about. "You've gotta take a chance on something sometime, Pam." What he said that day had stuck with her much longer than he probably intended it to.

Even though it had hurt when he first said it, it made her think. She knew now it made her love him more, even though she wouldn't admit it at the time. Roy would never have said something like that to her and the night after he'd said it she didn't sleep, thinking about what he meant. She realized that what it really meant was that he believed in her. He thought she needed to give herself the chance to do what her heart desired. And whether she wanted to admit it at the time or not, deep down she also knew he wanted her to take a chance on him. The next day she had broached the subject with Roy again. It was almost if she had wanted to prove to Jim that she was worth his praise and could stand up for herself. Roy's response was to tell her that 'nobody makes any money doing art, Pam. And, I mean, you can doodle and stuff but do you really think you can do that fancy art that people make a lot of money for? I don't know, Pam. You got a good job, so what are you worried about?' She went home and cried into her pillow, feeling like a complete fool for letting Roy talk to her that way, letting him belittle her dreams.

She thought about the time she had won the elementary school art contest. Jim's face lit up when she told him, and she knew it was genuine.

She was sitting on the sofa drinking a cup of tea, a surge of emotion gripped her, and she began to sob quietly. This was the man who had taken a leap of faith, opening his heart to her that night in the parking lot, telling her he loved her. A man who had done nothing worse than be her friend, encourage her, listen to her gripe about Roy's constant neglect, all the while watching her plan her wedding to another man, someone who treated her like she was invisible. Then, to pay him back for loving her unconditionally, what had she given him in return? She had lied to herself about her feelings, letting him walk out the door broken hearted and hurt beyond measure. She realized then that she needed to say these things to him. Communication since he left for Stanford had been non-existent for them. Except for that night when they spent several hours talking on the phone in the office and last night, they hadn't really talked-not truly talked.

She picked up her cell phone to call Jim, talk him into coming to see her so she could spill her heart out. But before she could dial there was a knock on the door. And there he was. God, he was so handsome. How did she not see this before?

"Hey, I was just about to call you. Come on in." She stepped away, letting him in. He was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a Penn State sweatshirt. But what made her stomach flip was his smile. That perfect smile he had that let her know he was pretty happy.

"What are you grinning about?" She asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer. She noticed he was carrying a large rolled up piece of paper, but she didn't ask. She thought he would tell her later anyway.

"Nothing, just you look way better than me. I got no sleep last night." He thought she looked beautiful out of her work clothes. He hardly ever saw her like that. She was wearing a dark pink velour hoodie and some pants that matched and her hair was in a ponytail. He looked around her apartment. She didn't have alot of furniture, just a love seat and oversized recliner in the living room. And her apartment was tiny.

"I told you on the phone that time that it was small." She could read his face pretty well. "But the rent's not too bad and hey, its mine! That's the important thing, right?"

She looked really proud of herself, he thought. And it was what he had always wanted for her. He was truly happy that she had been able to strike out on her own. He didn't know what had pushed her to do it finally, but he was so proud of her for it.

"Um..." Pam was kind of afraid to ask him the obvious."Have you talked to Karen today?" His face gave her an answer, and he really did look exhausted, like he'd had a hard morning.

"Well, I don't know if the word 'talk' would be the correct description. I talked, she screamed, yelled, etc..."

Pam's living area and kitchen were one large room divided by a bar which served as the dining area where there were three barstools. Jim took a seat at the nearest one and leaned his elbow on the bar, rubbing his face with his hands. "Oh, hell Pam it was awful. She was really hurt and it was all my fault. I had no excuse, so I just let her rail on me."

"God, Jim I'm so sorry. Maybe if I'd kept my feelings to myself..." Pam wasn't really sorry she had told him, just sorry it hurt Karen. Karen had been nice to her, and she truly never wanted to hurt her.

"Do you mean that?" He looked hurt and searched her face for a minute, praying she wasn't backing off from what she'd said last night.

"No-I mean..." She took a step closer to him and lay her hand on his arm. "I meant what I said last night. It's just...I'm sorry Karen had to get hurt, and I'm sorry if there was something between you that I ruined-" She maybe shouldn't have said the last part, but anyway it was too late to take it back.

He must have understood what she meant, because he answered steadily. "Karen and I-we - I cared for her, and she is a wonderful person, but it would never have worked. I wasn't fair to her. I mean, we should have never dated because she never had a chance."

"You seemed happy with her." Pam said quietly, wanted selfishly to know whether he had loved her or not.

"Yeah, that was an academy award-winning performance." He laughed, a little bitterly. And then he looked Pam dead in the eyes, not wavering, not looking away for a second.
"She just wasn't you, Pam. How could I ever find any happiness if I measure every woman I meet against you?"

Pam's breath caught in her throat, and tears threatened to fall, but she stopped them. She could tell he was about to kiss her, and as much as she wanted it, she needed to say things to him first. She caught his hands in hers, and said, "Jim, I need to say some things to you. Things that should have been said a long time ago." He sat back and looked at her, waiting for what was to come. Wondering if he should be happy or worried.

The tears that had been held back now ran down her face unhindered. "Jim, I'm so sorry I hurt you that night last year."

"Pam, you don't have to do this-I mean, I thought we settled this the other night." There was forgiveness in his eyes, but she continued.

"Just listen, okay? The thing I want you to hear is that I love who you are, who you have been to me. God, when I think of the way I let Roy treat me, and then I let you walk out the door when you had been everything I ever needed, it makes me hate myself. But, the thing is I had convinced myself that I didn't deserve how you treated me. I wasn't pretty enough, polished enough. I was just plain Pam, and how could you care anything about me? Even though you were standing in front of me saying it, I couldn't fathom that."

"You are the only person in my life outside my parents,who ever treated me like I could be something better that I was. And you made me laugh and be happy, and I never even realized what you were to me until it was too late. I'm a better person because of you and I just want to to know that-know that I don't just love you....I love what you are and who you are. I know it probably sounds a little cheesy, but I mean it. I really mean it."

Before she could say another word, he had pulled her towards him as he sat on the barstool. She stood between his legs and he slipped both his hands behind her back pulling her in to kiss him, deeply and passionately. It was steady and purposeful. He pulled back a little to brush his lips lightly against hers. "Pam, I don't think I'm quite as good with words as you are. I don't think it would do any good, since 'I love you' doesn't seem to go quite far enough for how I feel about you. I think I'd rather show you."

She backed up a little and covered his face with her hands, then walked backwards a little, turned and the walked back towards the back of her apartment. "Then what are you waiting for?"

He caught up to her, kissing her as they headed towards her bedroom. Even in the daylight, the blinds were closed making it dimly lit in her room. She pulled his sweatshirt over his head, her eyes never leaving his. She slid his t-shirt off and then unzipped her own jacket, throwing it to the ground and then shedding the tank top underneath. She lay back on her bed, shedding her pants and then she wore nothing but bra and panties.

Jim followed suit, shedding his pants before lowering himself onto the bed, his body covering her, their warm skin pressed together as he lay light kisses along her neck, her shoulder and pushing her bra strap aside to kiss her shoulder. Pam felt his hair beneath her fingers. It was so soft and she had thought about how she'd always wanted to touch Jim's hair. But it was the smell of him that intoxicated her, made her crazy and wanting to know every inch of him.

She felt him unclasp her bra and ease it off her. He pulled back to look down at Pam. "Pam, you-you're just perfect. Never think you aren't beautiful because you're perfect." His eyes roamed every inch of her, as he eased her panties off and then there was almost nothing separating them. Suddenly, she was impatient and the one thing separating them, his boxers, she tugged off hurriedly. They lie together, nothing between them, his hands exploring her breasts and then his mouth warm against her shoulder, her neck, then her nipple as she grabbed his shoulders, a soft moan escaping her lips. He was doing it all slowly, deliberately. His hand ran over the silky skin of her bottom, then he was where she had waited for him to be, her body taken over by the sensation of his fingers softly exploring her. She ran her hands along his body, wanting to feel every part of him and then reached down and began to hold him, making him cry out. "Pam, oh please..." He never finished, he just parted her legs and they couldn't wait any longer. Then he slowly entered her, and she just wanted him to be closer, deeper inside her.

They made love slowly, even though it was hard for him to hold back. He had to stop several times, but he had waited so long for that moment that he needed to remember every single second. How she felt, her smell and the way she called his name as they moved together. Then she began to call his name and he hers and when it was all over he held her tightly against him, his breath against her neck and Pam kissing his forehead.

They fell asleep that way with Pam's bed cover thrown over them and when Pam woke he was gone. She saw his t-shirt lying on the floor and she threw it on.

"Jim, " she called out and walked into the kitchen. "Hey, there you are." She smiled at him and pushed a stray hair behind her ear.

"Hey," he looked back and smiled where he was leaning over to pick up the rolled up paper he had brought in earlier. "I brought his for you. Open it."

She pushed the rubber band off and unrolled the paper. She held it up in front of her, and a lump caught in her throat. It was the vase of flowers she had painted at the art show. When she arrived home later that night, she realized she must have dropped it somewhere as she was taking down her paintings, and when she went back to look for it the next day it was nowhere to be found.

"I did come to your art show, you know. I didn't want you to see me, so I kind of hung back and when you walked Michael out as he was leaving, that picture fell off the wall, and I sort of stole it. I hope you don't mind."

She was crying now, and walked towards him easing her arms around his neck. His arms enclosed her and they stood that way for what seemed like forever. Neither one wanted to move because it was so perfect and they were together.

It was just the way it should be.