It’s always been easy for me to pretend to be something I’m not. I think someone told me once that the best way to cover up what you’re really feeling is with a smile or a laugh. I’ve become an expert at that. My whole life really revolves around one person. She’s the one person I wake up for in the morning, the only person I ever really think about. Her smile, her hair, her laugh, her voice, her sarcasm, her sense of humor, are just some of the traits that pull me towards her. It really sounds cliché, but it is the truth. The worst part of the whole situation is that she is engaged. We’re friends, best friends as she so often likes to put it, and that kills me. Always, though, I come in to work looking happy, I live life looking happy, and no one knows. No one ever asks, “Is something wrong, Jim?”, “Are you OK, Jim?” I’m sure if they did ask, I would just tell them I was fine. It would just be nice to know that someone cares.

I don’t know how to tell her I love her. How do you willingly hurt yourself like that? I usually think about it as suicide. One day I will tell her, I know I will. Until that day I sit in silence, looking for a chance to pounce upon. That chance my never come, but she makes up everything that is my life right now. She is my present, and one day I hope to make her my future.