His eyes. Those were the first things she saw. He was walking through the glass doors and she didn't even notice his same tall, lanky frame, or his suit coat, or that his hair was short and combed back. She only saw his eyes. The eyes that had truly seen her, and seen through her, for so many years. The eyes that yearned for her, and shed one single tear for her on that unforgotten night. She saw his eyes, and nearly fainted. Pull yourself together, Beesly. You have to make a good impression on your first day. Especially on him. God he looks good.

"Pam?" His deep voice shook inside her chest, and she remembered being pressed up against him on more than one occasion. She missed touching him, and at the sound of him saying her name, nearly walked up to him and ran her hand down the side of his face. "What are you doing here, Pam." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. He wasn't happy to see her. He was upset and shaken up. She was not pleased at his reaction.

She trembled as she stepped toward him and attempted to form words that made sense and answered his question. "Michael." She knew that wouldn't be sufficient. "He... got me a job here. To make some money while I'm in art school. The city is expensive, and art supplies eat up a lot of my budget, and not having an income...." She trailed off once she realized she was rambling and he was staring at her, no longer with a blank expression but with a faint smile. She locked her eyes onto his and slightly curled up the corners of her mouth until his became a frown again.

"Well... Welcome to corporate." He turned around, apparently forgetting why he had come to reception in the first place, and walked back through the glass doors and down the hall.

Pam's face fell, and she struggled to keep her head up straight. She looked at Grace, the corporate version of the old Pam, and faked a smile. "Good morning, Grace. Could you show me where to go? This is my first time at corporate." Grace smiled graciously, and apologetically, and stood up to lead Pam to her desk. "Welcome, Pam. We're thrilled to have you here." Pam knew that Grace wasn't speaking for everyone.


She only saw his eyes again. He was walking straight toward her, only without the stunned look on his face. He looked completely stoic, and he handed her a pile of papers. "I need these forms filed for the new account with the Gianno and Gianno law firm." He turned away from her again after setting the papers on her desk, and was about to turn the corner into the hallway when Pam let out a quiet, "Jim..."

He turned back toward her, with a quizzical look on his face. It was as if she didn't know him at all. He looked confused about why she would even bother talking to him. "Jim... I don't want things to be like this."

He took a step toward her and let out an exasperated sigh. "Like what?"

"Come on, don't pretend like everything is okay." She stood up and looked him straight in the eye. "I know this is awkward. I know you're still with Karen, and that's fine, but I hate that it feels like we were never even friends."

"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not with Karen anymore." Her chest relaxed a tiny bit. "We broke up when I got the job, because I told her it wasn't a good idea for her to move here with me. But that doesn't mean that anything is going to change between you and me."

Her face fell again. Of course not. It's not like we're both completely in love with each other or anything. She looked up at him. "Alright, I understand. I just wish we could go back to the way things were. Before Karen, before Stamford, before casino night, back to when things were normal."

But she knew that couldn't happen. "Pam, I can't just forget everything that's happened between us, and neither can you. Stop kidding yourself." He looked deflated, like all he wanted to do was lie down and forget she ever existed. She felt her heart breaking a bit more every time she looked at him.

With tears welling in her eyes, she looked down. "Okay. I'm sorry. Just pretend I'm not here. I'll get these papers filed right now." She picked them up off her desk, and turned to the filing cabinet as Jim slowly walked out of the room and back into the hallway.

She had on her cutest work outfit: a dark purple short sleeved sweater with a black pencil skirt and she even put on a pair of cute high heels. She definitely wanted him to notice her today.

He knew it was her birthday, and she expected him to look at her more than usual. As she walked down the hall, she peered into his empty office. I’m sure he’ll come down to my desk once he gets here… Right?

She sat down at her desk and began doing some menial computer work. No one else knew it was her birthday, and it made her excited. Like she and Jim had a little bond, if only for the day.

Lunch came around, and she still hadn’t seen him. She deliberately walked past his office twice as many times as she needed to, but he never seemed to be there. “Grace, is anyone out sick today?”

“Yeah, actually, Jim called in and said he wasn’t feeling well. Why?”

She wanted to cry. Just sit on the floor like a 6 year old and bawl her eyes out. “Just wondering. Thanks, Grace.” She walked back down the hall to her desk, and stayed there until 5:13.

Pam spent the evening alone in her apartment. She told her art school friends that she had other plans, and they could celebrate another night. She microwaved leftover pizza and watched Keith Olbermann. When her watch ticked to 12:00, she turned off the TV and laid down on the couch. Best birthday ever.



Her alarm didn’t go off the next morning. She woke up at 10:49 when Grace called to see if everything was alright. She scrambled to get ready and run to the office. When she burst into the waiting room, Jim was standing at reception. He turned around, stunned, and looked at her.

She was wearing her ugly khaki skirt and one of her old button-up shirts, and her hair was in a horribly messy ponytail. “Um… good morning. Sorry I’m so late.” She tried to unwrinkle her shirt for the thousandth time as she walked through the glass doors.

Once at her desk, she put her head down. Of course, the day I try to look good for him, doesn’t show up. And then when I come in looking like crap, he’s right there to greet me with a smirk. My life is just perfect.

Her thoughts were disrupted by a cracking voice. “Uh, Pam?”

She looked up. He was looking right at her, with a nervous look on his face. She raised her eyebrows, confused. “Hey… Sorry I missed your birthday. I hope it was a good one.”

“Yeah, great actually. Thanks.” She knew she was a terrible liar, but she couldn’t bear to tell him how lonely she’d been, and how she’d imagined him taking her out to dinner, telling her she looked beautiful, and telling her he loved her again.

“Well, I’m glad.” He retrieved a small box from his jacket pocket and placed it on her desk. “Happy birthday, Beesly.” He touched her shoulder, sending shivers down her spine, then turned around and walked back to his office.

Anxious, she didn’t even think before she ripped open the red wrapping paper. (He’d picked it because it reminded him of her Christmas sweater, and her lips, and everything else sweet about her.) She got the paper off, and realized it was one of those old school cardboard jewelry boxes. Oh my god, what could possibly be in here?!

She slid the top off the box, and found a yogurt lid medal, gold side up. She lifted it out of the box and laid it on her desk next to her keyboard. Then she saw a note had been under it. She picked it up and unfolded it.

Pam,
I want you to know that this is hard for me to write. Never in a million years did I think I’d have to deal with this again. But I do, and I think it’s a good thing. I’ve loved you for so long, Pam. So long that I don’t know how to be your friend anymore. And I’ve been a jerk, I know that. I shouldn’t treat you like we’re strangers, but I can’t handle seeing you and knowing you’re living this amazing life and you only want me in it as someone you talk to about paper, and your relationship problems. So I need you to tell me one thing. I need you to tell me if you love me, and if you want to be with me. If you do, then our lives could be perfect. But if you don’t, I have to pretend like I don’t know you. I can’t look at you and think of everything we’ve been through and feel nothing. I have to make you someone I have no past with.
Wow, that sounded harsh and lame. But it’s the truth. I need your answer. Please come talk to me, because I’ve been missing you more than you know.
Love,
Jim

“Oh my god. Oh. My. GOD.” She didn’t realize she was speaking aloud until people started to look at her. She quickly came up with a cover up and nervously said, “Oh... This cat video on YouTube is SO funny! I’ll send you all the link.” Once they all rolled their eyes and turned back to their computers, she folded the note back up, placed it and the medal back in the box, and tucked the box into her desk drawer. Then she discreetly jumped up and almost ran down the hall to his office. She knocked quietly, and, without looking, he murmured a “Come in.”

She hesitantly opened the door. His office smelled like him, and she closed her eyes to inhale. When she opened them, he was staring, wide-eyed, at her. He gulped.

“Hi, Jim.”

“Hey, Pam. Um… you’re not wearing your present…”

She felt the awkwardness in the air, and hoped the next thing she’d say could eliminate it. “I know. I thought the other part of the present was more important. Jim…”

But he interrupted. “Pam, you don’t have to say anything. I shouldn’t’ve written that note. It was silly, demanding, and awkward. I’m sorry, please just forget it.”

“No, Jim. It wasn’t silly.” She took two steps toward him, and he stood up to walk around to the front of his desk. “It was… exactly what I needed to hear from you. Instead, I got to read it. Jim, I need to hear you say it. Please.”

He stepped toward her, looked down into her eyes, and said, “Pam, I am so in love with you. I have been since the day I met you, and I always will be.”

She melted. She felt like a puddle on the floor of his high-rise office, and yet she felt like she was flying a million miles above the building. She took a deep breath. “I love you too. God, it feels good to say that. It feels SO good. I love you, Jim!” She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he kissed her tenderly.

Knowing that they were in an office with a glass door, they quickly pulled apart. “Hey, why don’t we go out for a… business lunch? On Dunder Mifflin.” He smiled at her.

She took his hand into hers, and smiled back up at him. “That sounds great. A lot of things sound great today.”