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DISCLAIMER – I don’t own anything.


A/N- Still working on Fifteen Months/Eighteen months combo story, that might take longer than I thought to get back up. Here is one of my favorites (is that braggy?) for your perusal.


Waking up in Vegas



Chapter 1


He was in that place between sleep and wakefulness, where you’re not completely sure what day it is, what time it is or where you are. His head ached, that much was certain. His dry tongue stuck to the roof of his closed mouth. As his mind cleared of the dream he had been having, he became aware that his right arm was firmly slung across – something. Or more specifically, someone. He moved his fingers lightly and yes, that was definitely someone’s bare skin under his hand.

He opened his left eye to find soft light brown curls mere inches from his face, the sound of whomever this was lightly snoring. He raised his heavy foggy head slightly, scanning the side of her face, watched her petite nose twitch, her lips curled into a smile, and watched her eyes move rapidly under her eye lids.

Mm, good dream.

He closed put his head back down and closed his eyes, resting again for a second before his eyes flew opened.

Pam?! That’s … this … what … okay. Calm down, Halpert. It’s just a dream.

Gently he removed his hand from around her waist and pinched his bare hip, groaning aloud at the pain he’d caused himself.

She shifted, making some sort of quasi moan and sigh as she turned over to face him, her eyes still closed. Her arm slid around his torso, and she burrowed her head into his chest, another soft sigh escaping her slightly parted lips.

The feel of her wrapped around him should probably be terrifying, or at the very least be a major concern to him. Especially considering that this most definitely was not a dream. And it more than definitely was not Karen.

See, Jim Halpert wasn’t that kind of guy, he reasoned. He wasn’t the guy who hooked up with women, random or one’s he had once professed his undying love to. Only to have a knife shoved in his gut – metaphorically, of course. He just didn’t do these things, no matter what kind of alcohol flowed freely. He was usually the guy on the sidelines, the one who wasn’t very lucky with women, especially not the one who currently had her head nuzzled under his chin. No, Jim is definitely not the guy who does that.

He should wake her, that’s probably best, he thought. Instead though, he closed his eyes, rested his chin near her forehead, and inhaled deeply – a light fruity scent filling his nostrils.


His memory flashed, pictures of a Roulette wheel, making bets with Pam. He remembered having too many tequila shots. Beer, there was some beer. She drank something pink and fruity.

Sales calls. Pam’s here because … because … stupid alcohol! Michael! Michael made her come with me … for… because of something. Notes. He wanted her to take notes. Because he’s a genius and thinks people in Vegas want to buy our paper… And … oh the … Karen… and the fight. We’ll discuss it when you get back, that’s what she said. She, oh she was pissed. Pissed because Pam was coming with me and she couldn’t go. We’ll discuss it when you get back. What am I? Her kid? What the hell … she … shit okay, seriously. I … does discuss it when I get back mean that it’s over with her? Or does it mean … see, women should come with a goddamn dictionary. Oh… that’s not a bad idea. I should totally market that. Okay get a grip, man. This is just a dream. I’m gonna wake up. This is gonna be Karen. Opening my eyes … nope, that’s still Pam. Shit! … Man, she’s pretty when she sleeps. She’s… so…

The way she jumped in the air when she kept winning. They switched games at some point. He remembers holding her hand to keep her from tipping over as they made their way to the poker table.

He remembers her shrugging shoulders, her brilliantly white teeth gleaming as she told him she most certainly had, in her words, the best cards ever.

The drunker they became, the crazier the bets became.

He wanted to recall what happened after she leapt up from her stool to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him square on the lips.

But that’s where his memory became fuzzier.

She shifted again, her eyes still closed as her lips began to graze his chest, leaving light kisses as she lifted her head.

With her eyes closed, she breathed in, clearing her throat before she said, “Good morning.”

He smiled at the sound of her sleepy voice, “Good morning.”

Her eyes shot open right then, staring at him with her mouth wide open, “Oh my God,” her hand flew to her forehead, “Oh my God.”

“Yeah, you said that already.”

She sat up, immediately grabbing the sheets as tight around her as she could, “Oh my God.”

“Let the thoughts form,” he grinned, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“What … who… where… when… how?”

“I think you got them all, yep.”

“Oh my God.”

“So apparently we had a pretty fun night last night.”

“Okay … wait. Where am I?”

He looked around, squinting his eyes, “Well, it’s definitely a hotel room. And the blinking lights out there says we’re in Vegas.”

“Thank you, Captain obvious.”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“There was alcohol. And a bar. And gambling,” she said, rubbing her eyes, “What… what did we do?”

“Apparently, I didn’t do it right if you have to ask that question,” he laughed, scratching his stubble laden chin.

She stared at him and blinked, her brow creased in the center, “I … I’m not that … I don’t do things like…” she motioned between them, “things like this. What the hell, Jim!?”

“Okay, calm down.”

Staring down at his hands, she noticed a gold fleck on his hand, she screamed, “Oh my God, Jim! What the … please don’t tell me what… you’re dating Karen, right? You married her? Wait… no, no you … I would know that. Did … where did you get that?”

He lifted his left hand, his mouth agape, shaking his head, “No, I’m …“ he looked down and lifted her left hand, an identical gold band fit snuggly around her ring finger.

With mouths open, and eyes wide, the stared at their hands, sliding their rings off in unison.

Holding it close to his eyes, he read aloud the inscription that was inscribed on the inside of the band, “Love, Pam,” he shook his head slowly and laughed, “Okay, okay don’t freak out, let’s not freak out, okay?”

She nodded, “Oh, sure, yeah, don’t freak out,” she said in a high voice, her hands running through her hair.

“Wow,” he chuckled, “This has to be like a joke or something. We didn’t really get married. That’s … that’s not what happened. We .. we didn’t get married.”

She felt around the nightstand for her glasses. Putting them on she wordlessly put on what she assumed was his t-shirt, and began pacing the room. She stopped when she saw an official looking document on the desk in the corner of the room.

Her eyes flew over the paper, her face filled with shock, “Oh my God!”

He quickly put on his boxer shorts and went to stand beside her, taking the paper from her hand, her eyes wide stared at his face as he read silently.

A smile crept over his lips as he looked at her, “So, you keeping your last name, Beesly?”

“How can you joke about this?!”

“Okay, come on, calm down.”

“Easy for you to say! You didn’t marry someone who’s dating someone else! I did! How could you let this happen?”

“What makes you think it was me?”

“I … I don’t go and sleep, or marry, men with girlfriends.”

“Okay, just take it easy, we’ll figure this out. Maybe it’s a dream.”

She shoved him lightly, making him stumble into the corner of the desk, “Ow, okay definitely not a dream.”

Pam stood motionless, staring at the marriage license as he rubbed his back. He put his arm around her shoulder, and peered over her shoulder to look at the license again.

“We’re terrible, horrible people,” she said quietly.

“Just take it easy. And please don’t shove me again. My head is pounding as it is.”

“Sorry. Okay. Well, get … get go… go do something and fix this.”

“I don’t think we can, till we get back to Scranton.”

“What do we do now?”

He shrugged, “Breakfast?”

“How can you think about food at a time like this?”

He tilted his head and smirked, “Oh, are we still talking about this?” he asked, pointing to the paper.

She lifted her hand to shove him again, but he caught it in his and kissed it lightly.

“What are you doing?”

“Well, we are married. So…”

She groaned, “Just. Go get dressed; I’ll see you in an hour.”


“Oh, is that how this marriage is going to work? You say jump?”

“Jim!”

“Wow, you’re grouchy in the morning. How did I not know that about you?”

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Waking up in Vegas


Chapter 2


She was just supposed to be there to take notes. That’s all she was there for. Just take notes, observe, listen and write a stupid memo. Or whatever it was Michael intended for her to do with them.

How could she have let it get that far?

She looked around her disheveled hotel room as she sat on the unmade hotel bed she and Jim spent the night on. Shock, horror, self deprecation, those should all be words that she could use to describe the entire situation. She stood, stretched her limbs, his t-shirt still swallowing her up, the sleeves almost hitting her wrists, and went back to stand out on the balcony. She grimaced as soon as she opened the door, the heat hitting her face like she had just opened an oven.

Her entire life, she dreamt of two things, to be happily married with a family of her own, and to do something with her artistic talent. And up until less than 24 hours ago, she had accomplished neither one.

And inasmuch as she was furious at herself for doing something as completely foolish as letting things get out of hand the way they did, as she stared at the gold band around her finger, she couldn’t help but smile.

Because it was easy. It was easy to talk to Jim, easy to laugh with him, or at least it used to be.

She spent years trying to get Roy to commit to a date. Year after year, the date was pushed back. After year three passed without a trip to the altar it was as if there was some sort of shift within her. She just wanted to be married. That was it. She came so close to not caring that she and Roy no longer saw eye to eye on things, that they had become different people in the ten years. That they were merely two single people existing in this nebulous zone where they just did what they thought they were supposed to be doing.

All it took to get her to see the light was one Saturday night, a week before she was supposed to walk down the aisle. Sitting at the kitchen table. Alone. Surrounded by seating charts, an appointment card with hair, makeup and church times all listed. The guest list was stuck under a box of thank you notes that she decided to start writing, because she hated when she received a thank you card in the mail months after the actual wedding. All it took for her to realize that it shouldn’t just be about getting married like some marathon sprinter running to a finish line – Roy walked through the kitchen, grabbed a beer, and asked her when she was going to start cooking dinner.

That was going to be her life. For the rest of her days. Roy in the living room, with his sock covered feet on the coffee table, beer in one hand, television remote in the other.

That was the day she also thought she may need to be checked into the hospital and put under psychiatric evaluation. Because that was also the day she remembered how Jim sat with her, watching video after video of bands for the wedding.

And then she realized – he was gone. Transferred. Never to be seen from or heard from again. It’s what he wanted, to be in another state, away from her. And as the tears fell for what seemed like days as she crouched down on the floor, dry heaving into the toilet bowl when it all hit her, she realized what a gigantic mess her life had become.

She turned Jim down. He had every right to walk away. She managed to recover, cancel a wedding, enroll herself in art classes and she became a stronger person.

But the pain – when he returned with someone else, that pain brought her right back to where she had been all those months before. She kept telling herself that she should be happy for him. But the more she tried to do just that, the worse she felt. Up until this very moment, as she stared out over the Vegas strip, Ceasar’s to the left, Paris to the right, she could still pinpoint the moment when she just wanted to grab onto his hand and not let go.

It wasn’t really that far off, it had occurred earlier in the week. Andy was being his normal annoying self- and of course Jim had to seek some sort of retribution. She ignored the fact that she was his last resort for an accomplice and went along with him. And as their hands brushed when she passed him Andy’s cell phone, her heart leapt into her throat that she had to grab a cup of water to swallow the feeling back own into her chest.

Then Michael has to go and insist that she accompany Jim on some random ‘We need to get Dunder Mifflin to supply Vegas hotels with paper’ initiative that Michael himself came up with. Well, that couldn’t have made her any more conflicted. She was elated to get to spend time with him, maybe patch up their friendship a bit. But when she tried to joke about how Michael was probably trying to save his own ass with corporate by sending them on this major sales pitch, Jim just shrugged.

The five hour flight after that was excruciating. She contemplated telling him to go alone, that she would just hide out at home, and he could email her the notes. But by the time she had the gumption to even say that much, the hour of silence was broken when he said, “that’s our row,” and they boarded the plane. Five more hours of silence later, he led the way through the airport, not so much as waiting for her to keep up with his stride.

They went to two meetings with heads of the business departments at the MGM and the Bellagio, calling it a day a few hours later. He went his way, she went hers.

Sitting in her room yesterday afternoon, with no more than having said a word in almost nine hours, she decided to explore the casino, stopping to sit at the bar to order a Malibu Bay Breeze. It was still too early, Vegas time, for the bar to be crowded, but in Scranton time, it was nearing eight at night.

Stepping back inside to ready herself for the day, she recalled the last clear thing she remembered from yesterday.

She sat at the mostly empty bar by herself. After her second round, she decided to call the airline and just get out of town. He wouldn’t even miss her, of that she was totally sure.

While she was on hold, Jim approached, sitting in the seat next to hers and ordered himself a beer, turning to stare at her intently.

She held one finger up, indicating for him to hold on, as the ticket agent came on.

“Hi, this is … my name is Pam Beesly. I’m scheduled to leave Vegas in two days, but um, I was wondering, is there anything available on an earlier flight? Maybe tonight?”

“Where to, ma’m”

“Philadelphia.”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“What about any of the tri-state, like Kennedy, Newark, La Guardia?”

“No, ma’m, I’m sorry, we’re all booked. You’re more than welcome to come and try to fly standby, and another carrier may have availability. You could save your return flight with us for another time, we’ll credit it to your account.”

“Okay, yeah, I’ll do that. Thanks.”

“Thank you for choosing Virgin Atlantic, have a wonderful day.”

She closed her phone, took one last sip of her drink, and turned to Jim, “Hey, have a good night. I’m … just, email me any notes. I think I have enough to get whatever Michael wants done. So, have a good night.”

He shook his head and placed his hand on her arm, “Where’re you going?”

“Home. You don’t need me here. And I sort of don’t want to be here, especially by myself, so.”

“You’re not alone.”

She nodded, “Yeah, sort of am. But hey, no problem, I didn’t expect you to keep me entertained.”

“Pam, stop.”

“Jim, we both know you don’t need me here. You don’t want me here. And I don’t need to or want to be here. So it’s all mutual. Sorry Michael went ape when Karen wanted to go, and I’m sorry for just … existing, okay? I’m going to the airport.”

“When did you become so dramatic?”

“When did you become such an … never mind. Have a save trip back.”

“If you leave I’ll tell Michael.”

She rolled her eyes and her head, “What does it matter?”

“Would you just sit down. Here, I’ll buy you another … what is that?”

“I can’t drink and fly, so that’s enough for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I said I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was a complete ass to you today.”

“It’s good that you’re self aware, Jim.”

He tilted his head and smirked, “Thank you. Look, it’s not you, okay? Michael wasn’t the only one who went nuts about not being here.”

“Right. Look, I’m sorry you had a fight with Karen. But it’s only Thursday night. Just call her and tell her to come here. Pay for it. Michael won’t know the difference. And you can have her right notes.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Yeah… no, cause she’s not the secretary, I get it.”

“Okay, seriously? When did you become so hyper sensitive?”

She shrugged wordlessly.

“Do you want to go get some dinner?”

She was about to shake her head, but something in her decided to grab onto his olive branch, “Yeah, okay. Where?”

“Uh, Emeril’s? It’s supposed to be really good.”

“Sure, if we don’t need a reservation.”

He smiled, “I already made us one. It’s in ten minutes.”

“Okay.”



A knock at the door snapped her back to the present, and she went to answer, brushing her hands over her outfit – jean shorts and a pink tank top.

“Hey, so I hear there’s this awesome breakfast buffet downstairs in this very hotel of yours. Shall we?” Jim asked as he strode into her room. She stood by the door, her eyes taking in how he looked, dressed in khaki shorts and a polo shirt.

“Okay, just gonna grab my purse,” she said, walking over to the desk, “and, ready.”

“Oh, after you,” he pointed his arm out in front of him.

“Such a gentleman.”

“Gotta keep the wife happy,” he said with a smile, scratching at the back of his head.

“You’re such a smart ass, you know that.”

“I told you, I’m self aware. Some say it’s part of the Halpert charm.”

“I bet it is.”

“Wait, I think that’s how this whole thing started,” he laughed, “I think we need to take the word bet out of your vocabulary before we wind up … I don’t know. Agreeing to world domination, or something like that.”

She giggled, sticking her tongue between her teeth, “You’re insane.”

“Can’t argue with that,” he said, lifting his left hand in front of her as they walked toward the elevator. “Oh, hey. Get this. Apparently, if you’re a newlywed and you tell the waiter that you got married here, you get free food.”

“That’s not possible.”

“I’ll show you, here. Hold my hand, pretend you like me.”

“I don’t think I can do that,” she smirked.

“That hurts, Pam.”

“Oh, stop pouting,” she laughed, “okay. We’re holding hands. Now what?”

“Just watch,” they walked out of the elevator, hand in hand. She tried to keep the silly giddy feeling in her belly from bubbling up in her throat. But when he brushed his thumb over the top of her hand, she just about melted to the ground.

“Hello, hi. Me and my new wife would like your best table.”

“Oh, newlyweds. Right this way,” the maître ‘d led them to a semi circle booth. “Your waiter will be right with you. Congratulations, you two make a lovely couple.”

Pam smiled, “Thank you.”

“No, don’t sit on the end. Here, scoot over to the middle,” he said, moving their silverware.

“But, it just makes it more complicated to get up and get the food.”

“Yeah, but then, I can’t do this,” he said, slinging his arm around her shoulder and kissing her cheek.

“Oh my god, stop that, what are you doing?” she said, her face feeling warmer.

“Getting us a free meal.”

“Is that all?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“Nice. Innocent until proven guilty,” she smirked, turning her head to look at him.

He held her gaze, leaning in slowly he brushed his lips across hers, “Yep.”

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A/N: As I read through, I realized some of this was a little unclear. I hope the small adjustments I made make it better.



Waking up in Vegas


Chapter 3


He knew he should tell her eventually – that he remembers now that the alcohol’s worn off, he should probably tell Pam that he and Karen had broken up the morning before they left Scranton. But for some reason – maybe partly sadistic, he wanted to keep that from Pam right now. Part of his brain told him that it wouldn’t matter to her anyway, since she clearly didn’t feel about him the way he still felt about her. And the other part, the one that sat at the table, watching her pick out her breakfast at the buffet – that part wanted to declare it like it was some kind of creed, some kind of official document that he would read aloud like they did in the 1800’s when that was the only way to make announcements.

Jim had his freak out moment earlier this morning, nearly hyperventilating once he got back to his room. It turns out, deep breathing into a paper bag only made hang over headaches worse. He was fine five minutes prior, able to hold it together in front of Pam, even finding it within himself to try to deflect it, make it out to be some kind of a joke – that was the Jim Halpert way, and he just couldn’t help himself.

But once he was alone, in the quiet of his hotel room with only the humming of the air conditioning unit in the background – that’s when it all hit him. The door clicked shut, he walked barefoot to the suitcase area, clad only in boxers, and plopped his balled up clothes on the floor. He ran his hands through his hair, back down over his cheeks, his hands squashing the empty area of skin that hung between his open jaw, causing his lips to set into an open mouthed pucker.

The thoughts appeared in rapid fire succession – how could he let this happen? How could something he had wanted for so, so long actually finally occur and not be the happiest moment of his life? Why was he sitting in his hotel room alone, instead of back in bed, curled around Pam kissing her and holding her and loving every inch of her as he should be as a newlywed.

The way his name sounded as it rolled off of her tongue, over and over again last night as they held onto one another, holding, kissing and caressing one another, played over in his mind. As drunkenly sloppy as their kisses and movements were between the sheets, it was, quite possibly, better than anything his convoluted dreams could conjure.

All of it was amazing, holding her, being held by her, her touch, the way she sighed, the way she smiled, the way she dragged her nails over the muscles in his back, how she tasted – it was completely mind blowing.

And he wanted nothing more than to kick himself in his own ass for sitting alone in his hotel room instead of continuing to ravish her as he had last night.

Pam Beesly was finally his wife. And the reality of the situation was nothing like he ever wanted it to be. That was the real issue. He had many opportunities to tell her last night that things with Karen ended, that he was a free man. But that voice in his head kept telling him it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference – she’s just not that into you. No matter how many times she moaned out his name as he hovered over her glistening body.

They were thrown together for work, and her threat to leave him alone in Sin City was something he really did not want to have happen. Not only would it just completely suck, he thought, it would probably effectively end their friendship. Given his foul mood since that morning, he also knew that he had been a complete and total jerk – well more like asshole - if there was such a difference - since they met up and went to the airport.

He wanted to explain to her that his mood had nothing to do with her. That he just broke up with Karen and was still annoyed at how things were handled and the way she accused him of lying to her. For some reason, he wanted to keep that shield, the pretense he had set in motion the day he came back to Scranton. And he knew completely that Pam would find out as soon as they got back to work. He just couldn’t find it within himself to let his guard down and be honest, display his feelings again like an open wound, only for Pam to throw salt on it once again.

Honesty had landed him in Stamford, Connecticut. Being honest again was just too risky, he just couldn’t handle the thought of Pam being completely unaffected by news of he and Karen were no longer together. She probably would be completely disinterested in it, he reasoned, since he had been given no inclination that she was remotely interested in him as more than a friend.

So instead of being honest, he offered his best forced smile to her as they left the casino bar and went to dinner at Emeril’s, giving a vague apology of how he treated her earlier in the day, and an even more vague explanation as to why he did the things he did.


They walked along Las Vegas Boulevard, the awkward silence lingering as they made their way to dinner. Pam walked with her arms held firmly across her chest, the alcohol obviously doing little to improve her earlier foul mood. He, of course, held his hands firmly in his pockets, trying not to clench them into fists.

He admonished himself for inviting her to dinner and not doing much in the way of making conversation while they walked to the restaurant. He knew she still was unhappy with him. She may even be angry with him. And as much as the one part of him that wanted to be just as angry with her begged to be heard, the part that still loved her, still longed to be with her, came knocking on his frontal lobe.

And he couldn’t ignore the fact that she was staring at the ground as she walked, sullen and contemplative, instead of looking around and taking in all of the many bright signs and colorfully lit hotels surrounding them. He searched his mind for something to break the tension as they approached the hostess area of the restaurant, and the only thing that managed to come out of his mouth wasn’t even directed toward Pam.

It was directed towards the person who walked them to their table. “So, is everything here really kicked up a notch?” he asked with a small chuckle.

The hostess smiled politely. “Your server will be with you shortly.” And then he walked back to the front of the restaurant, leaving him and Pam in silence once again.

He watched Pam glance at the menu with an open mouth, “Jim, uh, this is sort of out of my price range,” she whispered over the top edge of the menu.

He shook his head, “I’ve got it, don’t worry.”

“I … no, I can’t let you do that. That’s not…” she trailed off, pursing her lips and shaking her had slightly.

“Come on, just order the Filet Mignon. You know you want to.”

Her eyes widened, “That’s fifty dollars! Are you,” she lowered her voice a bit more, “are you insane?”

He shrugged, “Maybe. Just be quiet and order whatever you want. And, if we order an extra entrée we can say we took out a client to dinner. I’ll expense it. Problem solved.”

“Yeah, cause Angela’s gonna let that slide. Plus, what are we going to do with a third meal?”

“Eat it,” he deadpanned.

“But…”

He stared at her with wide eyes and set his lips in a firm line. The waiter approached, and before Pam could say a word, Jim put in an order for appetizers and three entrées. All Filet Mignon, and the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu.

“Have I mentioned that you’re outside your mind? Because you are,” she laughed.

His features relaxed and he let out a laugh of his own, “Yeah, well. What’re you gonna do about it, Bees?”

She just smiled at him and sipped her water.

“So,” he said, folding his hands on top of the table.

“So, do you think those guys are really going to buy from Dunder Mifflin?”

“Eh, who knows. You … um, you were right before. About Michael probably trying to save his own ass with corporate. But hey, at least we’re not in Scranton, right?”

She tilted her head, “Yeah, though it’s like a thousand degrees outside. Did you feel how sticky the streets are? It’s like quicksand or something.”

He laughed and sipped his water. “I know, I think I have tar stuck to my shoe actually. Who would build all this in a desert?”

“That’s a great question. Oh!” she waved her hand, “You should totally ask the person who seated us that question. She was so enamored with your ‘kick it up a notch,’” she snorted.

“Oh, totally,” he smiled genuinely. “Do you maybe want to go for some drinks after dinner? Maybe look around the casinos a little?”

“Um, I … I was just sort of, going to leave after dinner.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yeah, I should. It’s silly for me to be here.”

“It’s pretty much a given that it’s silly for both of us to be here. But we are. We should make the most of it.”

“I don’t know… I mean, Karen was really mad and I … I just think, you should call her and tell her to just come here, seriously.”

“Okay, change of subject. Full embargo on anymore talk of leaving.”

“Are you shushing me?”

“Oh, I am. We’re not going anywhere near an airport until Sunday afternoon. Got it?”

“But…”

“What did I just say?” he asked with a tinge of laughter in his voice.

“Fine, you win.”

“Oh, good, maybe I’ll get lucky tonight and win at poker.”

She shook her head. “Nope, I’m going to wipe the floor with you.”

“We’ll see, Pam, we’ll see,” he smiled, enjoying how easy it was to get back into a normal rhythm of conversation, squashing the awkward tension like a fly on the wall.

They ate dinner calmly, all talk of anyone leaving was quickly forgotten moments after the appetizer was placed in the center of the table. They made easy conversation about things they had seen that afternoon – she had witnessed a very distraught man yelling obscenities and slamming his fist against a wall, not unlike Andy. He told her about the couple he saw arguing, complete with the man throwing a camera on the ground – because the woman wanted to go eat. By the time an hour passed, dinner was finished, their third entrée boxed up and the entire second bottle of wine completely empty.



Pam sighed, wiping her mouth with her napkin. “Okay, I’m stuffed,” she said, bumping him out of his thoughts.

“Oh, I could go for some more actually,” he said, eyeing her still mostly full plate.

“We still have that steak from last night.”

“Oh, do we? I don’t remember where it is,” he smiled and raised his eyebrows.

“In the mini fridge in my room. We brought it there before we went to the casino.”

“Think it’ll make it home?”

“Jim, that’s so gross!” she squealed, scrunching up her nose.

“Fair enough. Oh, hey midnight snacks for later. We’ll split the steak.”

“Not to overstate it, but you are insane,” she said with a smirk.

“Touché.”

“So, what are we doing today? Who’s on our call schedule?”

“Ah, probably should’ve told you. No calls scheduled for the rest of the trip.”

“Why not?”

“Oh, because Michael is the one who’s clinically insane not me. No one here is going to buy paper from a mid-range east coast paper supply firm, no matter what he thinks.”

“Giving up that easily, huh?” She raised her eyebrows and bumped her shoulder into his lightly.

“No, I’m just enjoying my honeymoon,” he said haughtily with an upturned chin.

“Okay, not your honeymoon.”

“No? I think it is. We’ve got Paris, Italy, and New York all in one place. I think it’s an amazing honeymoon.”

“There are no palm trees, there’s no sight seeing, there’s no water – therefore no honeymoon.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” he smiled, moving over and putting his arm around her shoulder.

“How so, James?”

“Oh, fancy. Full name. I could get used to that.”

“You’re impossible.”

“And you’re adorable,” he said, kissing her cheek.

She rolled her eyes. “I told you, stop that,” she said quietly as she turned to look at him.

“Give me one good reason why, other than what you’ve already said. Be original, Pam.”

She shook her head with her mouth agape, staring at him for a moment before she cleared her throat and said, “Okay, just tell me what we’re doing today. Should I go back to my room? Should I go to the ATM so I can kick your ass in poker again?”

“First of all, I won.”

“No, you didn’t! I won. But you apparently still decided to go against the bet you made.”

He squeezed her arm lightly, “I won. And second, no hotel rooms or gambling. At least not during the day, anyway.”

“The suspense is killing me,” she said sarcastically.

He wiggled his eyebrows and widened his eyes. “Grand Canyon tour.”

Pam’s face went from shocked to a broad grin in under ten seconds as she lifted her arms and hugged them around his neck. Her happy laughter resonated in his ears as he held her as close as their awkward positioning would allow.


*


Jim glanced over to his right to find Pam sound asleep. He was slightly amused at how quickly she had drifted off once they boarded the bus, given the fact that the trip to the Grand Canyon was not that long. Gently waking her by rubbing her left hand, he glanced at the ring she still wore there. After all of her denying the fact that they were married, the feeling he had within himself that she hadn’t taken it off – well, that feeling was pretty incredible.

The pressure on his shoulders about the fact that he still had yet to tell her about Karen weighed heavily, but only popped up sporadically during quiet moments thus far.

They disembarked the bus, and followed their group along the trail to the observation site, both listening intently as the leader described the history of the Grand Canyon and the area surrounding it, and what it held down below.

As the group walked closer to the observation area, he noticed Pam had slowed down. He glanced at her astonished expression, but the closer they got to the site, the more her expression changed from elation to fear. Her eyes, once wide in wonder, had somehow become downturned, and her mouth was set in a grimace.

He looked straight ahead, not addressing her concerned look as he tried to keep up with the group – who were inching closer to the viewing area. He turned to say something to Pam, only to find her missing from his left side.

“Pam?” he said, startling himself at the loudness of his voice and turned around, his heart leapt into his throat until he spotted her a few feet away.

“You’re going to close, Jim,” she shouted in a high voice. “Too close, don’t … it’s too close to the edge.” She stood with a frightened look on her face, her hands and arms outstretched.

In a few short strides he was standing in front of her, and her arms were securely around his waist, her fists clenched his shirt. He felt her body shaking as he rubbed her back with both hands.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s a safe area, Pam.”

Her voice was muffled in his chest. “No, it’s too close, you’re gonna fall.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured, brushing his hand over her hair.

“I…I can’t… I can’t lose you…” she sniffled.

“Hey, hey, look at me.” He pulled his face back and with his index finger he lifted her chin so she met his eye. He dried her cheek with his thumb and smiled. “Nothing bad is going to happen.

“But, what if…”

“It’s safe. Look,” he pointed behind him and moved to stand at her side. “Look, there’s a glass wall right there. See?”

She nodded, looking unconvinced.

“Here, come on. Its okay, trust me, nothing’s gonna happen,” he said in a soothing voice.

“No, nuh-uh,” she said, her feet seemingly cemented to the dirt.

“Trust me,” he said, holding her face in his hands, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Or to me. Trust me.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist, her hand once again clutching his shirt and they walked side by side. They took slow, small steps, his gaze unmoving from the top of her head as it lay firmly in the crook of his arm.

Once they were closer to the viewing area, her arms held him more tightly and her face began to press more firmly in his side.

“Hey, come here, stand in front of me,” he said, rubbing her arm.

She looked up at him and shook her head, her lips pursed in a fine line.

He gestured his head for her to move to the right, and after a silent battle of head nods and head shakes – the sight of that alone could rival any comedy routine – she stood directly in front of him, his arms immediately enveloped her small frame. She rested her arms over his, her fingertips digging into his flesh.

He tightened his hold and bent down to rest his cheek in her hair. “Your eyes are closed aren’t they,” he whispered.

She nodded, leaning back into him further.

He kissed the top of her head, whispering, “I’ve got you.”

Of all the times within the past day and a half that he wanted to tell her about the things that happened before they boarded the plane, this would have been the time to do it.

Instead, he shut off the voices in his head and enjoyed the views before him – unable to decide which was more breathtaking – a great Wonder of the World, or Pam nestled securely in his arms.

.

.

Waking up in Vegas



Chapter 4



“You okay now?” Jim asked, his arms still holding firmly to Pam’s waist.

The fluttering within her at the sound of his low voice caused her to stutter, “Yeah, yeah, I’m um… I’m good, thanks.”

“I think we have another half hour, if you wanna walk around a little?”

Pam turned her, making eye contact with the bottom of Jim’s chin. Going with her first impulse, she kissed his jaw lightly and nodded. He took her hand in his and they slowly strolled away from the group.

“I thought we weren’t allowed to kiss?” he asked with a mischievous grin.

Her face felt instantly warmer, which she thought would be impossible since it was near one hundred degrees outside. “Yeah, well.” She placed her hair behind her ear and stared at the ground, her lips etched in a small grin.

He laughed and squeezed her hand. “We won’t go too far, don’t want to get left behind.”

“Could you imagine if we did? That’d be pretty scary.”

“Nah, I’d build us a house right there,” he said, pointing toward a clear area.

She glanced at him sideways with an instant smile. “Oh you would, would you?”

“Oh, definitely. It’d be awesome. Two stories, a big backyard with a swing set and a pool, fenced in of course. And I’d make them put two balconies on the top floor, unless that’s too high up for you.”

“I think I could handle a second floor balcony. It’s apparently the high, towering over open space that freaks me out for some reason. Go figure.”

“So you’d be the wrong person to take to the top of that Stratosphere thing they have here then.”

“Probably,” she laughed lightly.

“Then I guess I should rethink what we’re doing tonight,” he said, twisting his lips sideways. He tugged her arm and led her toward a bench, and they took a seat, his hand never leaving hers.

“What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know, I thought it’d be cool to go up there and see the city lights at night and stuff. Then maybe we could grab dinner at one of the restaurants in the Bellagio. And then maybe, if you’re up for it, we could find a show, or go dancing. Or night swimming.”

“I think the pools close at eight or something like that.”

“Ah, wanna go in after we get back then?”

“I don’t have a swim suit.”

“Pam, Pam, Pam, you mean to tell me you didn’t bring a bathing suit on your honeymoon? Seriously?”

“Well, first of all, people don’t usually bring bathing suits on business trips. And B – I didn’t know I’d actually get married on said trip, so…”

“Ah-hah, so you admit we’re married,” he said, letting her hand go and hugging her around her shoulders.

“I … we … we still have to undo it, so it’s still technically a marriage, but I admit to nothing.” She rolled her eyes, unable to contain a small laugh.

“Well, if we’re talking technicalities…” he trailed off, shaking his head, suddenly stopping himself from saying too much. “I actually don’t know where that was going.” He cleared his throat before continuing, “So, anyway, when we get back we’ll suit up and go jump in the pool, then we’ll do dinner, and maybe go to one of those club things. You know, instead of drinking and gambling,” he said, punctuating his thoughts by squeezing her shoulder, then running his fingers lightly over her arm. The sensation of which sent a shiver up her spine.

Every nerve ending in her body was fighting a battle – one half to stop falling, and the other to just give in. To take his face in her hands and kiss him until their lips were sore and red. Luckily or unluckily – she couldn’t decide which – the tour began boarding the bus for the return trip. As they boarded, she tried to think of something – anything – to say that would make her stop thinking of dragging him to the back row of seats and having her way with him.

“Penny for your thoughts,” he said as they walked toward their seats.

“Oh, um, that’d be a waste of a penny,” she laughed. “It’s just … I um, sort of don’t have anything nice to wear to go dancing, or to a fancy dinner. I just have the usual.”

“Then we have a busy afternoon,” he said.

“That’s silly though. To get a dress…”

“And a bathing suit,” he interjected.

“To get a dress and a bathing suit, for one day, it’s just silly.”

He rolled his eyes. “Caesars has shops. We’ll go right over there when we get back.”

“Jim… I … um…” she stopped suddenly, sliding into the window seat. She observed his hopeful eyes shift into something akin to disappointment. “Okay, but I’ll need shoes too.”

“You got it, Bees.” His smile warmed her once again.

Pam never liked to make comparisons, really she didn’t. She would never try to compare her ten year relationship with Roy to whatever it was that was happening with Jim. Firstly, she reasoned, Roy was her fiancé, Jim – up until a day ago, was some version of the friend she used to have. She never dated him, per se, unless you count that one time on the roof, or that one time they went out to lunch when he first started. Or last night. She wouldn’t dare to compare Jim to Roy anywhere. It just wouldn’t be fair. Someone would come up short, and despite the fact that she and Roy drifted apart he still had a small place in her heart.

But she couldn’t help but compare them in this one instance. When Pam and Roy were dating back in high school, they went to a carnival one night during the summer. Roy wanted to ride the Ferris wheel. Pam did her best to protest, going so far as to literally drag her feet as Roy’s burly hand pulled at her arm each time the people in line inched forward. She closed her eyes as soon as they were seated, white knuckle gripping the safety bar – and Roy’s mocking laughter rang in her ears. The entire experience was terrifying; she became ill and barely made it to the ladies room before emptying the contents of her stomach into a garbage pail.

She had forgotten about that instance until an hour ago, when Jim gently held her and made her feel protected and safe, whispering in her ear instead of laughing in it. Everything about Jim had begun to trump anything about Roy years ago, but now, Jim was quickly becoming incomparable. His sincerity, his sense of humor, his confidence in her, and the way he looked at her. All of it was so high above anything Roy could ever measure up to.

She watched Jim as he spoke about random things she was only half paying attention to as they enjoyed the bus ride back to the hotel – her mind in a daze, completely captivated by the way his lips moved in and out of that goofy smile of his. The way his eyes lit up when he looked directly at her, and the way his thumb brushed over her hand – all of it was causing her to fall hard. No matter how much she jammed on the brakes, every time she looked into his eyes, each time he kissed her, anytime he made physical contact with her, it was like her skin was on fire. The butterflies in her stomach fluttered nonstop like some around the world flight. Her heart raced each time he got remotely close to her.

Everything about him was as if it were out of some fairytale.

Pam couldn’t allow herself to believe in fairytales. Because she wasn’t a princess – she was more like one of ancillary characters, the one that never gets the guy and never wins at love. The pretty ones, the ones like Karen - they always got the guy.

And there was the crux of the problem. She already loved him – there was no doubt about it. As the minutes ticked by, with each sideways glance, with each smile he directed only toward her, she fell deeper. It was as if she were spinning out of control, the words on the tip of her tongue, choking her throat each time she thought about telling him how she felt and how he made her feel. She ached to tell him that she remembered every detail of last night now.


“Thanks, for dinner. It was really good.”

“It was, right? I haven’t been this full since … I don’t remember, actually.”

“Yeah, me too. I can’t believe we finished two bottles of wine too. And, I’m walking fine still.”

“Hmm,” he took her arm gently by her elbow, “I don’t think that’s completely true. You’re wobbling.”

She smirked, looking up at him. “I should cut myself off then,” she giggled loudly.

“You really can’t hold your liquor, can you?”

“Bet you I can.”

“Well, we’re in the right place for betting,” he said, navigating them both toward the Bally’s casino. “That’s sort a hard bet for you to win though, Pam.”

She laughed loudly, instigating a broad grin from Jim. “Scared, are ya?”

He scoffed, “Never, Bees. You’re on.”

“Let’s do this,” she laughed and led the way into the casino, stopping at the bar first.

They mirrored one another’s positioning, standing facing one another, one elbow on the bar top once they placed their order for two beers.

“I missed this,” she said, her gaze drifting from his eyes to her fingernails as she picked at them slightly.

Jim nodded, raising his eyebrows. “Me too. I um… I’m sorry, for just … you know. Being, well, for not being a better friend lately.”

She smiled weakly. “It’s not … I … I just really missed you. I just … I sort of hoped, maybe we could be friends again, you know? I mean… I know it’s like we are friends, but it’s just … I mean, it’s not the same, you know?”

“Yeah, I do,” he agreed, lifting his beer bottle. “Here’s to us. Best friends forever,” he said as he tapped her raised bottle with his before taking a long sip. “So, shall we? What do you want to play first?”

“Oh, how about some poker?” she asked. She could sense some sort of undertone, a subtle hint of bitterness in his words that she hoped would disappear soon, before the guilt she had been carrying around with her since he left in May swallowed her whole.

“Okay. But I have to warn you, I will not be taken this time.”

“We’ll see,” she said. She walked a step ahead of him, the memory of last time floated in her mind briefly before she shook it away.

Pam managed to find one available poker table without much wait and they sat down to play.

As the dealer dealt the cards, she turned to Jim and coyly said, “What do I get when I win?”

He scoffed, “If you win, I’ll buy you the next beer. And if I win,” he said, taking a moment to think while rubbing his chin. “You have to tell me one thing about yourself that you never told anyone.”

“Ooh, making it interesting, are we? How about, if I win you tell me something you’ve never told anyone about you? Fair trade?” She held her hand out and smiled wide.

“Okay, I’m in,” he agreed. “Oh, so how long do we keep that going? Because there’s only so many facts I don’t know about you,” he said with a wink and sipping his beer.

The card dealer cleared his throat then, and they both snapped their attention toward the short but decidedly intimidating man on the other side of the green felt covered table.

Pam watched Jim as he carefully eyed the cards in his hands. After a few minutes he threw a few chips from his pile into the center of the table.

She smiled. “Someone’s confident,” she laughed.

“Yep. Your turn, or did you forget how to play?”

“Oh, I didn’t forget,” she said with a smirk. She matched his bet.

“Whatcha got?” he said, raising his eyes.

“Flush,” she said, laying her cards out on the table. “And you, sir?”

“Oh, I win,” he said. “Full house… that’s a win, right?” he asked facetiously.

“Damn,” she sighed, watching him collect and count his poker chips.

“So, let’s hear it. Something about you that you never told me,” he said, leading her away from the table.

She looked down as they walked toward the bar again,, unsure of what to say until it dawned on her after a minute. “Remember that art internship?”

“Yeah, I do,” he said before ordering two more beers.

“I applied.”

His face instantly brightened into a wide grin, “You did? That’s awesome! When do you start?”

“No, it’s … I applied, when you told me I should go for it. I did it, even though Roy got mad. I did it anyway.”

“Well, good. So…”

“So, um, it … I got accepted.”

“Okay… so why aren’t you doing it?”

“I uh, sort of found out I got accepted on the same day you left. Like an hour after you walked out the door, Jan called to tell me. And I just … I turned it down,” she said quietly, taking in Jim’s confused expression.

“Why,” he shook his head. “Why would you turn it down?”

“Um, it’s just … she had to have an answer right then. And I couldn’t … I um, I couldn’t do it without you in my corner, supporting me.”

“Wow,” he breathed out looking dumbstruck. “That’s… wow. Pam, I … I’m so sorry. I’m just so sorry.” He hung his head, shaking it slightly.

“It’s okay,” she said in a thick voice, taking a long sip of her drink. “I’m taking classes now, so it’s totally fine.”

She caught a tear that rolled down her cheek, and tried to smile through tears. Before her alcohol induced buzzed self could process what was happening, he had enveloped her in a tight hug, repeating his apology.


As Pam stepped into the elevator, pressing the button that would lead to the pool, she wondered how people could stay inside the casino for more than a few hours before losing their minds. The crowds of people, the dinging tune of the slot machines, the stench of cigarettes – all of it had gotten old really quickly for her. She was glad Jim suggested going to the pool for the afternoon, instead of wandering around casinos. After a quick shopping trip to some shops at Caesar’s - where she bought a two piece bikini, a plain black dress and a pair of heels for later in the evening before they returned to their respective room – they agreed to meet up by the pool area.

Once she walked out of the elevator and through the door to the pool deck, the noise of inside disappeared behind her, but still rang in her ears. It didn’t take much time for her to scan the empty pool area and spot Jim inside the water, facing away from her. She took in the view as she approached – his broad shoulders slightly tanned already, his arms extended over the top edge of the pool, his matted wet hair glistened in the sun, his face slightly upturned toward the sun. He looked so peaceful and calm with his eyes closed and his lips set in a grin.

Biting her bottom lip, she made quick work of taking her cover-up off, revealing the lilac purple bikini she wore, and slipped out of her flip flops by the edge of the steps; tossing them lightly toward the lounge chair once she set foot in the water so she wouldn’t burn the bottoms of her feet.

She looked up to find Jim staring at her – his expression alike someone who had just been told they won a billion dollars, eyes wide, mouth open, his arms were outstretched toward her to take her hand in his as she approached.

“Hi,” she said, feeling her stomach jump. She smiled widely as he pulled her close. “Waiting long?”

He shook his head, his astonished expression unchanging.

“Your face is gonna freeze like that,” she giggled, feeling her entire body flush. “Didn’t your mom ever teach you it’s impolite to stare?”

He shook his head again, letting out a breathy chuckle he blinked several times while licking his lips.

She let one of his hands go to splash him, and a weak spray hit him in the face. “Earth to Jim,” she said, playfully splashing him once more.

“Did you just throw water at me?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

“Uh-huh, what’re you gonna do about it?” she asked, her head tilted playfully.

She squealed at the force of him pulling her forward and she laughed when he put his arms around her waist and held her tight to him, her breasts pressing against his chest.

“Don’t throw me,” she whispered as she gazed into his darkened eyes.

He laughed, shaking his head, telling her in a low whisper, “That’s not what I had in mind.”

Before she could ask what he had in mind, his fingers grazed her sides as he held her, eliciting a quiet sigh from Pam. He tightened his hold on her, leaned his head forward and captured her lips with his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself closer to him, and deepened the kiss, a moan escaping from the back of her throat. He took that as a sign of encouragement – continuing to kiss her with ferocity, his tongue sweeping in to mingle with hers, as his hands explored her body, caressing her thigh before bringing his hand up to toy with the edge of her bikini top. She writhed in delight, moaning once again as his hands swept down to capture her rear, pressing her into him. She could feel him hard beneath his boxers, and without thinking she began to grind her hips, causing the water around them to move in waves.

His hands moved up her body, his fingers sliding up the sides of her body, into her hair and then taking her face in the palm of his hands he broke the kiss briefly.

He tried to catch his breath, panting as he said, “I need to tell you something.”

She shook her head, cutting him off with another long kiss. He was hers, she decided right then as he turned them around so her back pressed into the pool tile. Hers. If only for the weekend.

.

.

Waking up in Vegas


Chapter 5


Jim had always known that Pam was beautiful, from the day they met. Her smile, the way she laughed with her tongue between her teeth, the way she moved her hair behind her ear when she smiled. It was all a thing of beauty to him. He could still recall their first words to one another, how kind and sympathetic she was towards him, how warm and genuine she was. Completely flawless, minus her affinity for dropping things and her occasional slips and trips. She was his complete package – the perfect girl for him. And through the years, all of her attributes remained constant, never wavering, never being anything but her true real self towards him. He had always imagined taking her on a vacation – sealing those thoughts when he found out on day in passing that she wanted to go to California. He made a promise to himself that he would take her there one day, if he were ever lucky enough to be more than just her friend. Those thoughts of taking her out West led him to conjure images of her in a bikini much like the one she currently wore, his minds eye drawing up a picture of the two of them standing at the water’s edge, watching the sunset.

But none of those things he dreamt up could have prepared him for the physical reaction he just had when Pam stepped into the pool. The part of his brain that processed thoughts slowed to a crawl moments before, when she moved closer to him, playfully splashing him with water. And as they kissed, his eyes tightly shut, the image of her in his head was of her wearing her typical workday outfit the very first day they met. That, he thought, was incredibly ironic.

Irony was never lost on Jim. He could find irony in any given situation. Whether it be that he played his best game in basketball and still wound up losing to Mark, or how when he was in school, the tests he studied for the hardest were the tests he’d received mediocre grades on. Or how he knew, deep within, he was the better man when compared to his brothers Tom and Pete, and yet he was still technically single – if you didn’t take into account the fact that he did get married last night.

Also ironic – the fact that he and Pam were glued to one another like life preservers, fused at the lips, standing in five foot deep water. And ever ironic still, the water barely touched his chest, yet he felt like he was drowning. Circling down a drain counter clockwise, his head reeling, his entire being feeling as if it were free falling off of a cliff similar to the one they stood in front of just hours earlier at the Grand Canyon.

He felt intoxicated – yet he was absolutely certain that all remnants of the alcohol from last night had been flushed out of his body by now. All rational thought was gone as his fingers roamed over Pam’s back. It was like the Fourth of July in his head, fireworks lighting up behind his eyes, growing brighter with each sigh Pam made against his lips.

The irony was never lost on him each time he tried to pull back, tried to be a gentleman and apologize for what could only be described as jumping her, she would lean forward and quickly begin the next round of heavy kisses and quiet moans. Not that he was complaining – this was Pam after all.

The fact that she wasn’t protesting or pushing him away made his fingers bolder in their explorations, skimming the edges of the thin material of her bikini, and made his legs feel weak all at once. His heart didn’t hurt anymore when he looked into her eyes, he didn’t feel helpless or hopeless or useless within himself. And as she lifted herself higher around his waist, her arms snaking almost all the way around his shoulders, her mouth opening wider as she deepened the kiss, he actually believed for a moment that this was all real.

That last night actually happened and that it meant something to her. That it wasn’t just the alcohol that loosened their lips and made them say things far more easily than they ever would have had they been stone cold sober. That maybe, just maybe, he didn’t have to say anything more about what happened before – why he left, why he didn’t say anything until he did, and why he didn’t keep in touch. That they could just move forward together, and never look back.

And as they walked from the pool into her hotel room, slowly resuming their explorations as they sunk down onto the bed, he didn’t know why it would matter to tell her what he tried to say earlier. The only thing that mattered was that when he pulled back to look at her, he saw her damp hair fanned out on the pillow, and her brilliant smile that reached her eyes and she nodded slowly as she tried to reach his lips once again. He closed his eyes as her hands traveled down his ribcage, bending his head to kiss the hollow of her throat, and she sighed loudly as her nails dug into his skin.

As fast as everything had been moving since they met at the bar last night, he tried to slow things down, taking his time kissing and caressing every inch of her body, memorizing her sounds and curves, learning what made her squirm, what made her moan, and what made her drag her fingers through his hair as she threw her head back onto the pillow. Inching his lips slowly lower, lower and lower still, toying with the edge of her bikini bottom before removing it slowly to kiss her in just the right way that made her cry out his name and jerk her hips off the bed as her head tossed from side to side.

He felt her hands on his arms, reaching and pulling him, her incoherent moaning as he teased her with his fingers as he kissed his way from her stomach to her inner thigh as she called his name over and over. He peered up to look at her, his chin grazing the area closest to where she wanted him to be to see her staring back at him, biting her lip, her cheeks flushed pink and beads of sweat on her temple. He marveled at the noises she was making, the way his name fell from her lips like she’d been saying it for years, how with every pass of his tongue she pleadingly whimpered, “Don’t stop.”

And when he watched her lick her lips and roll her eyes back as her insides clenched around his fingers, he lost all control, his hips grinding into the bed, the throbbing of his erection causing him to kiss his way back up her body, lavishing attention to her breasts, neck and mouth in a rushed frenzy as he drove himself into her. Soon, the room was filled with the sounds of both of their loud moans - his the loudest when she brought her legs around his waist once again, digging her heels into his rear, pushing him deeper. She nudged his shoulder for him to roll over, and soon she began rolling her hips over him, slamming down and screaming his name with every blissfully painful thrust. He grabbed her hair, sat up to kiss her deeply, telling her how amazing she felt and how incredible she looked as she rode out her second orgasm, taking him with her over the edge.


**

The warm sun was streaming through the slit in the privacy curtain, the room quiet and still as he held her in his arms, spooning himself as close as he could be physically while she slept. His stomach growled and he had to use the bathroom, but he refused to move more than lifting his head to check the time - noting that they had a few more hours before dinner. He couldn’t wait to get ready to go, almost like a child on the night before Christmas; he was unable to contain his enthusiasm just over the simple fact that they would be sharing another meal together. That this could be the beginning of everything he had wanted, and that she just might want the same thing as well made him feel indestructible in that moment. He decided to rest his eyes for a few brief minutes, joining her in sleep while visions of her laughing, of them joking, and of them going through some touchy topics he knew they wouldn’t have so easily spoken about under normal circumstances last night.





They sat at the bar, taking a break from playing slot machines, and went for another drink. Pam stirred hers lightly, Jim paid for their drinks and they moved to a quiet area by the bar.

“Okay, Pam, that’s so your last drink,” Jim said as he took a sip of his beer.

She furrowed her brow and asked, “Nuh-uh,” she said, her lips in a smile around the small red straw as she slurped her pink drink loudly.

“Oh, yes, it so is. You’re swaying.”

“No, I’m not,” she said, her mouth hung open.

He watched as she continued to sway as she sat on her barstool. “Should I video tape you? I have my cell,” he paused, checking his pockets and coming up empty.

“You sure about that,” she asked, her mouth hanging open.

He watched as she blinked her eyes hard, and had to ask, “What are you doing with your eyes?”

“Winking,” she laughed.

“Yeah, that’s not what that is. That’s enough for you,” he said, slurring his own words as he took the glass out of her hands.

“Well, you had as many, so you’re just as much as me.”

If he had been sober he still wouldn’t have been able to make sense of that sentence, and he began to laugh.

“Are you laughing at me?” she asked with a smile.

“No,” he said, shaking his head quicker than normal.

“Okay, so, who won the last round again?” she asked.

“Uh… that was definitely you… yeah, I distinctly remember you jumping into my arms.” He paused, furrowing his brow exaggeratedly before saying affirmatively, “Yes, that was you.”

“Oh, sorry. Did I apologize for that?”

“Yeah, I mean, seriously Pam, try to control yourself. I’m not a piece of meat.”

She giggled loudly, her mouth wide open. “I’m sorry, the complaint department is on vacation.”

“Oh, I didn’t say I was complaining,” he smiled. He turned on the stool to face her; she mimicked his position, crossing her legs. He noticed her gray skirt riding up her thigh a bit and his mouth went dry momentarily. He shook his head and rested his hand on the bar top.

“Okay, so wait, how did it go again? If I won you had to tell me something you never told me before, right?”

He nodded. “Yes, I think that’s what it was.”

“Can we mix it up a little?”

“What?” he asked curiously.

“I mean, like let’s do twenty questions instead. Loser has to answer the winner’s question.”

“Ah, I see more gambling in our future. Not too much more, I have kids in the future I’d like to send to college.”

She laughed at that, her cheeks flushing, “Okay, just a few more.”

“Okay, let’s hear it.”

“Right. So, okay let me think,” she said, puckering her lips in what he thought was the cutest look he’d ever seen.

He grinned, feeling the wheels coming loose on the leash he’d had his guard tied to. And when she looked off into the distance, seemingly in thought, he laughed, and loosened the leash a bit more.

After watching her priceless expression for a few more moments, he asked, “You mean to tell me you didn’t have anything prepared?”

“What?” she asked looking confused.

“You’re supposed to be asking me a question?”

“Oh! Oh my God, okay. Sorry. I spaced out there.”

“You totally did.”

“Okay, I um,” she paused, looking into his eyes, hesitation crossing her features. “Um, do you, um…” she stared at her hands suddenly as she twisted her fingers. She took a deep breath and he braced himself for what she was about to say.

“Pam? You don’t have to ask me if you don’t want to.”

“No, I just need to know this… ”did you, um … ever get my text message?”

“What text message?”

“It was uh, a few days after we talked on the phone that night… that night you um, you called for Kevin.”

He thought back to the days that passed after that phone call, honestly recalling no such message from her. He shook his head, telling her, “No, I don’t remember getting any message actually. I do remember that night we were talking you sort of cut me off.” He shrugged.

She shook her head, staring directly into his eyes, causing his breath to hitch. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t you. I was saying goodnight to Ryan.”

He shrugged. “You could’ve told me that though. But hey, it’s totally fine.” He forced a smile.

She furrowed her brow, looking instantly hurt. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for just … for everything, Jim. I really am. But … but I can tell. I know you. I can tell you … you,” she trailed off, pursing her lips and catching a stray tear with her finger.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” he whispered, placing his hand on her shoulder. “We were doing fine here, what happened? I thought we already apologized?”

She shrugged.

“Okay,” he continued, “I’m apparently not saying the right thing. Blame it on the drinks, okay?”

She nodded, taking a napkin and sniffling as she dried her eyes quickly. “What are you trying to say?” she squeaked.

He smiled sympathetically. “I’m saying that it doesn’t matter who did what and who said what. We’re here together now. Maybe we don’t have to worry about that other stuff?”

“No, no we should. We should clear the air. Because this morning you wouldn’t look at me, and I know you, once … once you wake up tomorrow morning, you’re going to go back to being mad at me again.”

“Okay, first, I won’t, because I’m not mad at you. And second, I’m not going to talk unless I see a smile on your face.”

Pam smiled weakly as her eyes glistened again. “See? Smiling.”

“Come on, I wanna see teeth,” he slurred.

She giggled lightly, giving him a toothy, cheesy smile. “Better?” she asked with her mouth opened and set in a smile.

“Much,” he grinned. He knew his body was swaying on the stool as much as hers was, and he knew he’d have a pretty substantial hang over in the morning, but he ordered himself another beer. “No more for you, Miss Drunkie,” he said.

“That’s so not fair!” she said with an incredulous laugh.

“I think it is. Here, tilt your head back and close your eyes.”

“What’re you gonna do to me?”

He clicked his tongue. “Nothing, geeze have a little faith. Okay now, touch your nose with your finger.”

She touched her lips, causing him to erupt in laughter. “Yeah. That’s enough for you.”

“Oh yeah? Well, let’s see you try it. It’s not that easy!”

He smirked at her and tilted his head before he tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and touched his chin.

“Looks like you’ve had enough too, sir.”

“Apparently,” he said. He laughed, took a gulp of his drink and offered her half. “You know, just so we’re even and all. Plus I already paid for it.”

“Okay,” she shrugged, taking a healthy gulp before handing it back to him to finish off.

He shifted on the barstool, his movements exaggerated as he tried to stop himself from sliding from the seat. “So, what else can we spray with Lysol?”

She laughed, her eyes wide at his words. “What?”

“You said clear the air. Lysol. Air freshener. No?” he asked, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Oh, okay. I get it. Sorry. Slow on the uptake.” She laughed again, her head lolling back a bit.

“ ‘s okay.So, curiosity and all, what did you write in your text?”

“Oh, uh. Nothing major. Something like, ‘Michael just proposed to Carol and she said no.’”

He jerked his head forward, his eyes wide. “Wow.”

“Yeah. I felt bad for him. Till he tried to kiss me.”

“Wait, wait, wait. He what?”

She nodded and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I was um, I went outside, and I was gonna call you then. I don’t know. I just, thought maybe the text didn’t go through because I thought you’d call me if you saw it. But um, he was outside, and he was upset and he started leaning in.”

“Oh man. That’s awful. I’m sort of sad I missed that.”

“Yeah. Big night. I went home and after sort of … like sitting with my phone in my hand, I lost the nerve to call you.”

“But, Pam, what would make you think I wouldn’t want to hear from you?”

“I don’t know. I just had this image in my head of you … not wanting to talk, figuring you got the text and didn’t call or anything. I don’t know.”

“Wow. Can I just tell you something? I mean, what’s in the past happened and we sort of just need to just deal with it. But I could have called you too. I wanted to. But I thought the same thing. You didn’t call so I didn’t call.”

“So, we’re even then?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I uh, I guess we are.”

“Okay,” she said quietly, a small smile inching its way to her lips.

“Good. Next topic?”

She waved her hand in the air a bit. “I guess, I mean. Maybe that’s it? I mean, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about me calling off my wedding.”

He tilted his head. “If I’m remembering correctly, I never actually heard that from your mouth. Like your version of it. Which would be refreshing given Kevin and Oscar and Angela all had unique stories to tell me.”

She smiled sarcastically. “That’s perfect.”

“So, let’s hear it.”

“Okay. Well. You know how sometimes you need a wake up call? Well, I sort of had this … I mean, the details are … it’s just.”

Her eyes pierced at him, begging him to just get what she was saying. But he wouldn’t let her back out. Not now. “Take your time,” he said kindly.

“I mean … it’s just … it shouldn’t have taken three years for him to commit to a date. And we had this really long talk about stuff. And he just… I don’t know. He never seemed like he wanted to get married like I did. I asked him why it took so long, and he didn’t get what the big deal was.”

He took in everything she said, and try as he might, he couldn’t keep himself from saying, “You’re right, you know. It shouldn’t have taken that long. If I were him, we would’ve been married a long time ago.”

“I don’t think so.”

He scoffed and shook his head. “I mean it. I would have.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

“You’re on.” He pointed toward a poker table saying, “Let’s go. If I win, we do it, here. Tonight. Get married.”

“You’re drunk. You don’t mean it.”

“Oh, is that a challenge?” He smiled.

“Yeah, I guess it is. Fine, let’s see what you’ve got. So far, I’m the reigning champion.”

“We’ll see about that.”


He took her hand, pulling her gently off the barstool, and they walked through the crowd to a poker table, both wordless as they sat and watched the dealer shuffle the deck of cards.







**


His right arm had officially fallen asleep, in large part thanks to Pam’s head resting on his bicep as she slept. She held his arm with her left hand as she lay curled on her side. He didn’t remember falling asleep, and kept his eyes closed, nuzzling his nose into her hair, the smell of chlorine filling his nostrils. The afternoon had crept by, thankfully, he thought, and he relished the quiet stillness of the room and the feel of Pam lying next to him as they snuggled under the covers.

The contented feeling he had within himself was cut short, however. As he moved his arms around her more, preparing to wake her so they would have time to get ready for dinner, he heard her sniffle.

He rubbed his thumb over her wrist and planted a kiss in her hair before nudging her to turn around. And when she turned around with her eyes still closed, he saw the rims of her lids were moist, a small tear the size of a pinhead leaked out of the corner.

Alarmed, he dried her eyes with his finger, kissed her cheek, and whispered in her ear, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

She didn’t answer, instead, she swallowed audibly, her eyes still shut and she hugged him tight, her tears falling on his chest as she pressed her cheek into him. He enveloped her in a tight hug, one arm reaching around her neck, the other across her back, his fingers grazing her skin lightly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked in a whisper again.

Her only response was to hug him with more force, which under different circumstances he would have no issues with. But he knew, obviously, something wasn’t right.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

He felt her shake her head no, her grasp on him unrelenting. Having no other idea as to what he was supposed to do, he continued to hold her, occasionally whispering, “It’s okay,” as he kissed her head, muffling his words in her hair.

He rubbed her back, trying to soothe her amidst his confusion. And that’s when he heard her murmuring something. Pulling back to look at her, he asked, “What happened?”

She shrugged. “It’s almost Monday,” she whispered before burying her face in his chest once again.

.

.

.

Waking up in Vegas


Chapter 6


Pam couldn’t completely answer her own questions about what spurred her tears as she woke from her nap, giving a meek reason – hoping he could read between the lines. She should have been blissfully happy and content with being wrapped in his arms. She should have felt complete, whole, full or whatever else she should have been feeling after giving herself so completely to him. But as her mind cleared her dream as the feeling of his hand on her wrist began to rouse her, she was overcome by such an overwhelming feeling of despondence.

Her initial train of thought that began the instant she became cognizant of where she was and what they had been doing started out innocently enough. An innocuous feeling of happiness turned into a storm of harsh notions that began with one solitary thought – that she couldn’t ever imagine waking up without him by her side ever again. The realization that that wasn’t necessarily true, that maybe this was all some way for him to get back at her for breaking his heart and making him move away took hold of her. From there, the thoughts just tumbled down the steep hill of her mind as she berated herself for allowing her heart, body and mind to get caught up in this fantasy world he created.

She forced her mind to remember that the house he said he would build, how caring he was when she was scared, the indescribable look he gave her when she entered the pool, how happy he was to go shopping with her, even offering to hold her purchases. She had to remind herself that all of that was in no way real. That once they got off the plane and were back in Scranton, things were going to go back to the way they had been before – his back to her, his life continuing with another woman, and she would go back to wishing things could be different, return to self deprecation and self loathing over missing out on the greatest love of her life.

Her thoughts tumbled further as he asked if she was okay, his voice filled with nothing but genuine concern for her. She felt ashamed of herself. Ashamed for not being braver, not being stronger and just telling him – begging him to never go anywhere ever again. But she couldn’t be that person, that wasn’t who she was. If she had been one to take a chance, this may very well be their actual honeymoon, instead of some work trip turned farcicality, that she wouldn’t be second guessing every single thing.

And as his hand passed over her back soothingly, she pulled back the brakes on the train wreck of her thoughts and calmed herself. She tried a different rationale – one that made her feel a bit more hopeful. She tried to tell herself that he wouldn’t be holding her, he wouldn’t be so concerned about what happened, hell, he would have flown out of the room the second their breath evened out. But he was there, curled around her, holding her as strongly as she held onto him. The tears stopped as she realized maybe, just maybe he wasn’t pretending, or being vindictive.

And now, as she sat in the room alone, she admonished herself for even thinking he could be vindictive or spiteful. That maybe it wasn’t all so farcical after all. Because, she remembers her mother’s sage advice, given to her when she was in high school - men who aren’t going to stick around don’t stick around after they get what they want. It eased her mind a bit, the fact that he was right next door, getting himself ready to take her out to dinner. She realized how stupid she had been, how ridiculous it was to think that Jim could be anything other than his genuine honest and caring self. And as she stepped into the shower, letting the steam clear her clogged sinuses from her earlier crying spell, she tried to convince herself that this most likely wasn’t payback for his heartache.

She tried to let the sound of the running water drown out her inner doubts, replacing them with more positive things - and remind herself that they did make good progress last night, alcohol and impromptu marriage notwithstanding – she remembered how simple it all was, really, once they stopped apologizing and just started explaining truths amidst playing slot machines and rounds of poker. Though, with all the talking, the level of uncertainty just wouldn’t wash away with the soap bubbles that circled down the drain.

She missed her chance to get her thoughts out completely last night, to tell him that she needed him – not in a clingy way. It was more of an ‘I can’t imagine my life without you’ kind of way. And as she stepped out of the shower she could hear her words from last night once again. While it played over in her head as she stared into the foggy mirror, she decided that now, she wasn’t going to mince words. That tonight, she was going to fight for what she wanted. And if she couldn’t be brave enough to tell him, then, she decided, she would show him. She would dress up in the black halter dress she bought, take time to fix her hair the way she had the first day he came back from Stamford, make sure her make up was flawless, and let herself shine and stop holding herself back.

That’s what he deserved, that’s what he needed, and as his words from the night before rang through and she realized that’s what he had been trying to tell her all along. He needed her to be honest with him and with herself.

Sometimes though, the best thought out plans often times did not come to fruition. She hadn’t thought to bring her curling iron, which should have been her first clue to how the next half hour would go. The big round brush and the practically useless hotel hairdryer made her hair a look puffy and dried out. She tried her best to fix it with hairspray and twirling her hair in her fingers, but that was of no use. She stood in front of the mirror, stomping her foot and whining loudly at her reflection like a petulant child, holding the hair brush and the dryer at her side, defeated. An attempt to tame her hair with more hairspray apparently angered her follicles, and she wound up with matted hair on top and the rest of her hair in a big frizzed mess as it hung over her shoulders.

Heaving a huge sigh, she tugged on the ends of her hair, groaning in frustration. She grabbed the bottle of shampoo and rewashed her hair in the sink, hoping she had enough bobby pins to put her hair in an upswept twist. Luck being on her side, albeit not what she had in mind, she made her peace with it and moved on to put on her makeup.

Once that was done, she looked at herself in the full length mirror, her horrified expression running from the bit of fuzzy frizz that covered her hair, to the foundation droplets that clung to her brand new black dress and to the one thing that sent tears to their ducts – matching white deodorant marks on the sides of the dress.

“Oh my God!” she shouted at her wide eyed reflection. “Are you kidding me!”

In almost an instant there was a knock at her door. Stomping her bare feet all the way to the door, she checked the peephole to see Jim standing there with a worried look on his face, his tie untied hung across his neck and his shirt hung outside his pants unbuttoned.

She spoke through the door. “Hey, not ready yet.”

She watched him look directly at her through the peephole while he asked, “Is everything okay in there? Why are you screaming?”

Taking a deep breath, she figured she may as well let him see ‘the real Pam’ and opened the door. “Sorry, just having some girl issues. You don’t want to know.”

His worried expression melted into a look that warmed her throughout. “What’s wrong?”

“Just … everything.” She bit her lip, feeling her eyes sting.

He shook his head, clearly not understanding. “Is something wrong at home? What … happened?”

“Ugh, just … it’s my hair, it’s a mess. And I got makeup and deodorant on my new dress!” she squeaked, biting her lip once again as she stomped her feet while walking back toward the bed, Jim a step behind.

“Are you … seriously? Nothing else is wrong, it’s really just that?”

“Yeah,” she cried. “I’m just not having … it’s just one of those days. Guys wouldn’t understand.”

“No, I think I do.” He took a few steps closer to her, holding his hand on her arm. He lowered his voice above a whisper, “I think you look amazing.”

“Thank you,” she muttered, staring into his eyes.

“Almost ready? I just need to grab my shoes and fix this tie.”

“Jim, did you not just hear about this disaster? It’s epic,” she deadpanned, holding the ends of his tie in her hands, she began to tie it for him as she watched his Adam’s apple move.

“Yeah, sounds epic,” he said quietly, holding his hand on her cheek and brushing a light kiss across her lips. “You’re beautiful.”

“And you’re delusional.”

“I don’t think so,” he said in such a way that sent a shiver down her spine. He bent down to kiss her lips again, holding her face in his hands.

She pulled on his tie a bit to pull him closer, and as his arms fell to her waist, hers inched up his broad shoulders, to his cheeks and then to the back of his head. She sighed happily as his hands roamed over her dress, feeling the vibrations of his fingernails over the zipper on her back.

Pam walked backward until the back of her knees hit the bed, never breaking the kiss as she undid the tie she just fixed moments before and tossing it to the side and lying down, Jim quickly hovering over her.

“Breaking so many rules,” she said as his lips traveled to the hollow of her neck.

“Don’t care,” he said, punctuating his words with loud kisses.

“We’re … we’re … Oh god,” she moaned as he grazed his teeth over her neck before laying his head on her chest for a moment while his hand rubbed her thigh gently. “I’m …mmm, Jim … dinner … reser … oh … god …yes,” she hissed as he slipped his hand below her dress, his fingers toying with her underwear, his hardness against her thigh growing stiffer with each pass of his thumb over her core.

Soon, her hands were on his chest, her hair out of the twist and hung around her face and stuck to her sweaty shoulders, her dress discarded long ago and all thoughts of leaving the room went right with it as she bent down to kiss him hard on the mouth and all over his face, neck and shoulders. He turned them over, hovering over her once again, his pace quickening with each stroke, his breath hot on her neck as they rocked together and called out to one another in between grunts, gasps and moans.

“Jim, oh god, yes,” she whimpered, feeling the coil within her unraveling.

“Beautiful, so so beautiful,” he whispered, licking his lips. His hands everywhere before they grabbed hold of her hips, lifting them, making her scream as he hit her spot.

She had never felt more alive, desired or cared about than she did in the moment when he moved to his side and cradled her body in his arms as their breathing evened out.


**

“You look fine, stop complaining.” Jim said, holding the elevator door open, letting Pam step in first.

She rolled her eyes and brushed her hands over her brown skirt and cream colored button down shirt. “Yeah, I look like this every day. So of course I look fine to you,” she said sarcastically.

“I don’t see what the problem is,” he whispered.

“You’re the problem. That dress would’ve been totally salvageable if you hadn’t … well. You know.”

“Sorry, Pam. The complaint department is on vacation,” he said sarcastically.

She pulled her hand away as he reached for it, clicking her tongue and saying, “Oh, no. No more of that, mister. You stay on your side, I stay on mine.” She stifled a giggle.

“Fine. Have it your way,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Isn’t that Burger King?”

“We need to get you out more. Step away from the remote a little.”

She shook her head and asked, “Do we, now?”

He nodded as they stepped in front of the hostess stand. “Hi, Halpert party of two,” Jim said politely to the hostess.

Pam tried to maintain her composure as they waited briefly for their table. But for some reason, when he gave his name to the hostess, it did something to her insides. Her breath hitched and all she could see in front of her was their future. She tried to shoo it away but it just wouldn’t budge from her mind’s eye.

“I hear this place has the best of everything,” he said, speaking low, as if he only wanted her to hear what he was saying. It made her feel connected to him, grounded by his unwavering gaze.

She could feel the dumbstruck, doe eyed look on her face. She didn’t even need a mirror. “Okay,” was all she was able to say before they were led to their table.

It was a dim lit dining room, dark cherry wood tables and chairs, each table decorated with a rose and a small candle. A piano player played quiet ballads off to the side. Hushed conversations and the light clang of silverware and plates echoed throughout.

They looked over the menu briefly, her eyes immediately widening at the price list. She was astonished, not only at the fact that a simple plate of pasta cost around the same price as a week’s worth of grocery, but it finally dawned on her what he was doing.

Keeping that to herself for the time being, she went with it. “Everything sounds really great here.” She caught his eye when she looked up and wondered how long he’d been staring at her.

“It does. Hey, do you want red or white wine?” he asked as the waiter approached.

She shook her head. “No, water is good for tonight.”

“Okay, fair enough. Two waters it is,” he told the waiter, placing an appetizer order as well.

“What are you getting?” she asked.

“What if we each get one thing and split it?”

“Okay,” she said, smiling and biting the corner of her lip as she looked back at the menu.

There were a few couples off in the corner near the piano dancing slowly. She started wondering if he’d ask her to dance. And then she realized how very high school that was. And that led her to realize she hadn’t been on a first day since then.

“What’s that look?” he asked with a smirk.

“What? Oh, nothing. Just um… thinking. This is a really nice place. Thanks.”

He grinned. “You’re welcome.”

They placed their entrée orders, deciding to split lasagna and chicken parmesan, and when he lifted his water glass in the air and his eyes fixed on her, she could swear she was the only woman in the room. “Happy anniversary.”

She shook her head, confused, she asked, “Anniversary?”

“Yeah. Five years ago today I met you.”

“No… really?”

“Yep. I’m pretty sure it’s today.”

“Wow. Time flies.”

“It does. So, shall we?” he asked, gesturing toward the dance floor.

She nodded, stood up and allowed him to take her hand.

He held her hand in his against his lapel, his other arm around her waist. She held his shoulder with her free hand, and they danced slowly to the music. After a few moments she could feel her face flushing as he stared at her – unwavering. She felt him inching his head closer to her, he very subtly licked his lips before lowering them to hers.

“You’re breaking the rules,” she whispered once he pulled away.

“I know.”

“Again.”

“I know,” he whispered in her ear, snaking both arms around her waist and resting his head next to hers as her arms rested around his neck lightly. “It’s almost Monday,” he whispered in her hair, his hold on her became stronger.

.

.



Waking up in Vegas



Chapter 7



Saturday had always been Jim’s favorite day of the week, ever since he was old enough to crawl out of his tiny twin bed and run down the stairs to watch Bugs Bunny and Friends. As he grew older, he relished in the fact that he could stay in bed a few extra hours, just lazing around reading or getting a few extra winks of sleep. But for the past five years, Saturday hadn’t been all that great. He should have been enthused by not having to get up and go deal with Michael and his co workers. But ever since he met Pam, he wanted nothing more than to wake up with her every Saturday morning. Maybe watch her sketch or paint, maybe take her to see some art gallery or exhibit. Or, better yet, stay curled up in bed, just the two of them, all day long.

Dining and dancing with her last night had been more than anything he had ever imagined it to be. She was light on her feet, the self proclaimed dorky dancer moved with him elegantly on the dance floor. Once they were thoroughly stuffed with dinner and done with dancing, they strolled along the boulevard, talking about nothing in particular.

The words were stuck on the back of his tongue, the ‘I need you, I want you, stay with me forever.’ It was all there. The signs in her demeanor were all there, the way she blushed when he complimented her, the way she held him as close as he held her while they danced, and the brightness of her smile and how she intently listened to his childhood stories.

And when they fell asleep just after midnight, with her head nestled on his chest, he couldn’t have been happier or have asked for a more perfect way to spend not just that night, but the rest of his life.

When he first awoke, not quite opening his eyes to greet the day, he turned over to find her side of the bed empty, the sheets cool under his hand. He opened his eyes quickly, immediately spotting Pam sitting on the balcony, staring at her cell phone.

He studied her features for a millisecond before realizing that that wasn’t the face of a happy woman.

Alarm bells and loud whistles went off in his head, his throat ran dry and his heart pounded its way out of his chest.

He waited too long. Again.

That couldn’t have been more clear to him had someone shouted it from the roof tops on a megaphone, as he walked closer to the sliding glass doors and caught her eye. Holding her gaze, he watched as her mouth moved from its opened – almost shocked stance, to a frown, the skin above her nose wrinkling.

He opened the door; his eyes hurting as his pupils adjusted to the bright sunlight, and stepped out, taking and moving a chair to face her.

“Hey,” he said quietly. “You okay?”

She stared at him, her expression unmoving from the hurt that was written across it. She handed him her cell phone slowly, almost as if she were in a daze. “Press seven.”

He did so, putting the phone to his ear.

“Pam, Pammy, Pam. Listen, it’s your fearless leader here. Michael. Anyway, look, I know you guys aren’t coming in on Monday. But I need you to do a huge favor for me, and I’ll keep this short. These voicemails only give you nine minutes. I need you to swing by the office when you get back and write up a want ad. Karen quit this morning. Oh, and not sure if you keep track of it too, but she tore up her love document, so in case you need to know who’s doing who… or should it be whom? Whatever. If you keep track of who’s doing … that. Jim and Karen are no longer doing any of those things. Anyway, hit me back if you can make it in. Can’t wait to read your notes. Oh hey. Maybe if Jim gives you a good recommendation, you can take Karen’s position. Well, ttyl and all that. Don’t gamble away the farm.”


His stomach fell to the floor as if he’d been dropped a hundred feet through the air. He handed the phone back to her, rubbing his sweaty palms on his boxers, and wracked his brain for something to say that wouldn’t make him sound like the total and complete ass he felt like.

“So, you’re mad, huh?” he regretted that as soon as it left his vocal chords.

She didn’t move, didn’t even blink, just held her phone in her hands with her elbows on her thighs, and stared over and beyond his head to the concrete walls behind him.

“I should’ve told you, Pam.”

She shook her head. He waited for her to say something. He scratched his slick forehead, the moisture sticking to the pads of his fingers. As the silence lingered, he almost wished she’d just yell at him. Instead, she moved her line of sight from the wall to her phone, hanging her head as if she were shielding her face from him.

“I didn’t think it would matter, at first. And now … after the day we had yesterday, I just didn’t think it would matter at all anyway. I figured you’d have realized it already.”

Pam picked her head up and tilted it to the side, her mouth set in a firm grimace. She took a deep breath before saying, “I guess its fine. I mean, I deserve it. I didn’t tell you about Roy, so this was sort of payback.”

Even though her words cut through him like a knife, he took comfort in the fact that her tone was calm and not accusatory.

“Pam, it wasn’t payback. Come on, you think I’m really vindictive? I was just … we had such an amazing day yesterday and … I honestly can’t say I got carried away, because that would mean it was a mistake. And it wasn’t. There just wasn’t a good time to tell you. We were having a great time. I mean at least I was, and there wasn’t a point during the day that I really wanted to get into talk about Karen.”

She nodded. “Yeah. At least I’m not a mistress now. Just a rebound.” She rolled her eyes.

“You’re not a rebound, Pam. Come on. I was with her for two months.”

She paused for a few seconds. He could see the wheels turning in her mind. “So wait… you’re saying you started dating her when you got back to Scranton. You weren’t dating in Stamford.”

He hung his head, guilt threatening to swallow him. "We started dating the night I came back.”

“When you say that night you mean when you said goodnight to me in the parking lot. You hadn't actually started dating."

"No."

"Okay. Just so I have this all straight. Your first lie was what? Last year? Around this time. When you said you were over your crush. Then four months later you tell me you love me before you leave town three days later. With me so far?"

He was impressed that she wasn't screaming at him. He knew he deserved at least a finger point or something. He just nodded before she continued.

"Then I asked you to go with me for coffee and you said you were still getting settled. Yet, same night you're out with Karen. Right?"

"Yes."

"Great. We're on the same page."

"Yeah, but, Pam. I know it looks bad. I know it does. But..."

She waved her hand dismissively, saying, "I was stupid enough to believe every word you told me. Like how we were best friends and how you loved me and how you wanted to marry me."

"You're talking past tense."

She ignored that and continued, "And all day yesterday and the night before I tried to be happy. I tried to forget that Karen was waiting for you at home. And now I find out that you lied about that too."

"That wasn't really a lie though."

"It may as well have been. Just another thing you decided I didn't need to know. This is all a game to you. And I tried to stupidly convince myself that it wasn't. But now I know you're doing it to get back at me. I get it. We were never really friends. Friends don't treat each other like this."

"How can you say that? I didn't lie about Karen and me not being together."

"You let me think it. That's pretty much the same thing."

"No it's not."

She nodded. "Look. I just need some time alone right now. I spent ten years with a man who lied to me. Promised me everything and gave me nothing. I thought you were different. I thought you were better."

"I am better. It’s … it’s not like that I swear it’s not."

She shook her head, stood from her chair and walked back inside. He watched her take her purse and walk out of the hotel room, the light click of the door closing behind her was deafening.

**

He had waited for Pam in her room for over an hour before he decided he needed some food. He walked to his room, threw on some clothes, cursed Michael Scott, and went to get a sandwich. Along the way he passed the chapel where they exchanged vows. Her bright smile gleamed that night, her giddiness exuding as they promised each other till death do us part. He took a moment, stood there, and prayed he had the ability to turn back time - to the second he met up with her at the airport the morning they left for Vegas, and tell her about the break up. That one simple act could have saved him from not only ruining his trip and her day, but also would have salvaged the one hundred dollars he spent on the rental car he was going to use to take her to California today.

The casino area was bustling, lined with people, the smell of stale cigarette smoke and old cologne wafted through his nostrils. He was surrounded by people as he walked through to the main door, never feeling more alone in his life. Not when he was in Stamford or all the times he sat in on a Saturday night. No. Today he felt like his life had been ripped out of his body.

Having the knowledge of what it was like to really be with Pam and not be with her right now was killing him slowly.

He wandered aimlessly around the boulevard, taking in the same sights they’d passed by last night. He wondered what she was doing, if she was back in her room, or maybe she was by the pool. Or … who knew. He tried calling her cell phone, but each time it went straight to voicemail. He walked through Caesar’s, seeing the dress she’d purchased yesterday on a mannequin in the display window. His fingers remembered how the material felt, soft as silk, like her skin.

He sat on a bench and people watched – each woman resembling Pam in some way. He stared at his ring, read the inscription, and remembered how happy she had been when she told the clerk what she wanted written - ‘Love Pam.’

He should have told her then.

He should have told her how he felt, instead of masking it in a ‘marry me, see what it’s like, we can undo it on Monday,’ when he knew full well, even in his inebriated state, that come Monday, there would be no chance in hell that he would have ever let her take off her ring, sign a divorce paper, and end their union.

Her accusations that he was a liar hurt the most. Her trust in him was lost now, of that he was sure.

His mind started turning her phases over in his head. And something she said stuck out – that she thought he was better than Roy. Slowly, the wheels began to turn. If she thought he was better than Roy, then he could only assume that may be part of the reason she called off the wedding. That could also mean that she felt the same way about him as he did about her – that could also mean that he just lost his second chance. And he wanted to once again kick himself in his own ass – of course she felt the same way. She had been sad that Monday was approaching. Add that to the fact that they had slept together a total of four times, each time better than the last – and how could any of that be anything but pure feelings. Mix in the fact that she was utterly disappointed in him, and it lay before him, plain as day.

At that thought, his throat began to close up, making him choke. An elderly woman offered him her bottle of water, to which he kindly declined before leaving the area to avoid further intrusion on his thoughts, deciding to head back to his room for the rest of the day. Because without Pam, he thought, there was no point to being outside anymore.


**

He saw her right away as soon as he stepped out of the elevator. She was bending down, placing a room service tray on the ground. He walked over quickly, trying to catch her before she closed the door.

“Hey,” he said. “Can we talk?”

“Hey. I’m actually about to pack. So, maybe some other time.”

“But you have all night to pack. It’s only four.”

“I’m trying to get back on Scranton time. It’s seven there now, so I just had dinner. In a few hours I’m going to get some sleep. So yeah, I’m gonna pack now. I’ll reimburse you for the stuff you bought. Just give me the total amount that I owe you.”

“Pam, come on. It was an honest mistake.”

She shrugged. “No big deal. Oh, here,” she reached for the ring on her hand, sliding it off and handing it to him. “Not sure what you want to do with it, but I shouldn’t have it.”

“I’m not taking it.”


“Take it. It’s not a real wedding ring. It wasn’t a real wedding. That would require honesty, commitment, respect,” she said a little too calmly for his liking as she held the ring out to him.

He scoffed. “Not real? You mean to tell me that for one small, insignificant thing, you’re willing to throw away everything? Everything we just spent building, you’re going to just tear it down because I made one small omission? It doesn’t change anything that we’ve done.”

“I don’t think it was all that insignificant. The fact is, at first you didn’t think enough of me as a friend to tell me about your life. And then you let me believe that I was some sort of … some sort of dirty person who does things with other people’s boyfriends,” she whispered. “You made me feel guilty, for a day and a half. You knew, the whole time. I kept telling you it was wrong. But you refused to listen.”

“You say you spent ten years with someone who made promises he never kept. And you forgave him, constantly, for everything. I make one small little slip up, because I honestly didn’t think it would make a difference, and you can’t let it go?”

“It would have made one difference. We wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

She held the ring out to him once more. When he didn’t take it, she bent down and put it on the ground, turned around and went inside without another word.

He picked up the ring, weighed it in his hand before he put it in his pocket and walked back into his room. He packed his clothes with little effort or care, and went to lie on the bed, leaving the television and the air conditioner off.

And he could swear if he listened close enough, he could hear her crying through the wall their rooms shared.

All that he’d done, and all that he failed to do, all of it came crashing down on his shoulders, lending itself to a night without sleep. He stared at the nightstand clock as the minutes turned into hours, and hours turned into the morning.

He gathered his belongings, checking the room once to make sure he didn’t leave anything behind and walked to the front desk to check out.

He saw Pam standing in the front of the line, her room key in her hand, and thought it slightly humorous that she had made all that fuss about her outfit and hair the night before, and it currently sat in a messy ponytail, her jogging suit wrinkled. He tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to jump at his touch.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No problem,” she said in a nasally voice.

He immediately noticed her red and puffy eyes, and it made him want to hug her. He put his arm on her shoulder and asked, “You okay? You don’t sound like yourself.”

“Yep. I’m good. Thanks.” She turned to grab her bags.

And with that she was gone. He watched her board the airport shuttle as he mindlessly handed in his room key and signed the receipt, hoping he’d make it to at least catch that shuttle she had gotten on.

But as the bus pulled away just as he walked through the door, he knew his luck had finally run out.

**

He managed to find her before they boarded the plane. She sat in the waiting area with a magazine in her hand, seemingly engrossed. He sat down, bumping her shoulder with his lightly, and handed her a bagel and a cup of coffee.

“You should eat.”

She nodded.

He peered at the magazine and pointed to the page she was reading. “That Lindsay Lohan can’t keep herself out of trouble.”

She chuckled lightly. “Yeah.”

“Crazy celebrities.”

“They are.”

“Did Brangelina adopt again?” he asked, turning a few pages.

“How do you know about Brangelina?”

“I’m on the pulse, Pam. Oh, and we work with Kelly.”

“That’s so true,” she said, eating a piece of bagel.

He leaned over a bit and asked, “Friends?”

When she shrugged and stared back down, he knew he had a big hill to climb. And he hoped to God and every other deity under the sun that he could make it to the top alive.

A few hours later, as they flew over the middle of the country, he took it as a positive sign when her head fell to his shoulder and she didn’t flinch when he put his arm around her.
.
.

.



Waking up in Vegas


Chapter 8


There were many times in Pam’s life when she never thought she would recover from heart break – whether it were when her grandma passed, when her childhood dog passed, or when her relationship with Roy passed. Each time, she managed to recover, bit by bit, picking up the pieces and moving on – remembering fondly the times she’d shared with either, eventually the ability to laugh returned and life went back to normal.

Through all of those challenges that she overcame through time and filling her life with temporary distractions, she had never done what she found herself currently doing. She crawled out of her bed, made herself a cup of tea, and pulled a chair in front of her window. She perched her feet on the kitchen windowsill and stared out at the day – dark, cloudy and gray. Water droplets from the rain clung to her window, each drop falling at different speeds.

She thought she had been all cried out, done with that stage of grieving, but apparently the emotional rollercoaster she had been on all weekend, culminating last night with heavy sobs into a hotel pillow, had not come to a complete stop. Her eyes began to sting once more and she fought off the lump in her throat with a long sip of tea. She sniffled lightly and the wave of emotion calmed, keeping her sore eyes from filling up – for the moment at least.

There was a bathroom that needed cleaning, a bed that needed to be made, and a pile of clothes in her suitcase that she had to have washed. However, the most energy she was willing to expend at the moment was to twist her upper body around to the counter and grab her cell phone. She knew he wouldn’t call. Not after the way they left things last night when he dropped her off.

Not after the defeated look he gave her when she said, “This was fun, Jim. Just let me know when I have to sign the papers.”

All weekend, she dreaded it – the dissolving of her marriage. It was just another thing on her list of ‘Ways I screwed up my entire relationship with Jim Halpert.’ She fought off lingering thoughts of the other things on that list. But having spent all of her energy on trying not to cry, her mind wouldn’t listen to itself, and her thoughts ran like a raging river down the five years of missteps, miscues and mistakes she had made.

Like the time she agreed to teach him how to drive stick shift. Once a week during their lunch break, she would let him drive her car and she would tell him how to listen to the car, don’t brake too fast, and just feel when you need to shift. Once a week for an entire year, they would drive over to this park, put down a blanket and have their lunch under a tree. Once a week for a year, she found out more about him than she still to this day knows about herself. All of that was fabulous, all of it wonderful and fun.

Her mistake there was not realizing sooner that she had more fun with Jim, for one hour a week, doing something as mundane as teaching him to drive a car, than any of the time she spent with Roy in the same time span.

And as she remembered their conversations, some ridiculous in their exposition, some heady, and some poignant, she couldn’t help but recall the one time she thought, really felt like she wanted to be more than his ‘friend from work.’

They had been sitting in the park, enjoying a bright sunny and warm day, splitting their sandwiches so they each got some ham and cheese and some chicken salad. And he started telling her a story about him and his father. She remembered his voice, the texture of it, the way it cracked when he told her about their Sunday morning ritual. He and his dad would wake up early and take a walk. It started out when he was ten years old –they would just walk for about an hour and talk about anything and everything. The thing about it, it would seem like such a bland story to anyone else. But to Pam, that was the moment she knew she wanted to marry him. She knew then that he was her heart and soul. Because at the end of that story, he said, “One day, if I ever get married and have a baby – boy or girl, I’m going to do that with them. I think it’s important. It’s something I’ll always remember.”

That she just let that slip through her fingers like grains of sand hurt more than words could explain.

She opened the cover of her cell phone and powered it on. Immediately, a voicemail notification popped up, which she ignored for the moment.

She scrolled through pictures – taken this past Saturday at Caesar’s. They had been goofing around in one of the souvenir shops. And she’d asked him to take a picture of her holding up a t-shirt that read ‘I got lucky in Vegas.’ She stared at the photo, her wide grin and shining eyes a sharp contrast to what she could only imagine she looked like right now. Another photo of her and Jim, taken by him personally of the two of them, making funny faces at the camera in front of the Paris hotel. And another picture of him standing underneath the Brooklyn Bridge replica at the New York, New York hotel, his hand underneath – pretending he was holding it in his hand. She stared at him smiling back at her. His eyes squinted to shield out the suns rays, and she felt like she wanted to crawl out of her own skin.

This was her own fault – the fact that she was sitting in her apartment alone on the most perfect day to stay curled up with him in bed. She berated herself endlessly as she looked through the remaining photos, each one like a blunt object poking at her side.

Deciding to end her self inflicted torture, she closed the pictures and listened to the voicemail instead. She assumed it was Michael calling once again to ask about notes and want ads and make inappropriate comments.

The voice on the other end was definitely not Michael Scott. It was deeper, more hoarse and uneven than she had ever heard it be before.

Hey, Pam. It’s Jim. I um, I guess you’re just never going to answer your phone so I’ll just leave a message. Long story short, I called a lawyer and he said he’d do some paperwork, and in a few weeks it’ll be like it never happened. Anyway, um… I … I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. There’s nothing for you to sign right now. Okay. Have a … um … have a good day.”



Pam listened to the message five consecutive times and waited. Waited for the relief to come. Waited for the big sigh, the ‘oh good’, the ‘at least that’s taken care of.’

But the only thing she felt was a great sense of loss. Instant regret at not being more understanding yesterday and not being willing to listen to him explain things started to make her stomach ache. What hurt the most and what made her jump up from her chair, race to her bedroom and start rummaging through her suitcase, was the replaying of one sentence in her mind - “It’ll be like it never happened.”

She shook her head at his voice as it repeated over and over like some mantra. She realized that now, letting him go this time without putting up a fight would be something she couldn’t live with. She knew by the sound of his voice that he was done. It was the way he said, “See you tomorrow.” That thought scared the hell out of her and she knew, as she raced around her apartment trying to brush her teeth and hair at the same time, it was now or never.



**


Jim was pretty sure that if he continued to rake his fingers through his hair, he would be bald in three days. Normally, on a good rainy day – especially ones that came along with not having to put on a tie and go to work, he would enjoy the silence of his apartment for a while, maybe read a book or watch a movie. But for some reason, in the first three hours since he’d woken up at half past noon, he had done little more than move himself from his bed to his couch.

The energy it took to search for a local lawyer on the computer and call him was all he could muster. Still clad in his pajama pants and t-shirt, he lay sprawled out, his cell phone in one hand and the hair on his head in the other. He hadn’t moved in the hour since he called Pam, except to check his phone several times to make sure it wasn’t on silent, he still had service and the battery was still mostly charged.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten, had a drink of water, or had any desire to do anything but stare at the ceiling. He wondered a lot of things – what she was doing, if she got his message, if she was as disgustingly miserable as he was. But the lingering wonder started to make his head hurt from forcing himself not to be over dramatic and shed the tears he wanted to unleash, and he wondered why he bothered. Why he just couldn’t rid himself of the hold Pam had on him.

His eyes were transfixed on a spot he had never seen before on the ceiling when there was a knock on his door. He didn’t want to answer, hadn’t ordered anything, nor did he want to be bothered. He tried to ignore the incessant knocking at first, but then he realized that it could be Pam. He hopped up from the couch, his body feeling worn and rigid and he was certain he was too young to be in this much pain just from getting up from the couch.

With equal parts hopeful and pessimistic - telling himself it could be someone completely different, he peered out of the peephole. Standing on the other side of the door was Pam. He watched for a moment as the shock he instantly felt hung around his eyes for a few moments. She stood there, in what looked like her pajamas, her Keds and her coat, her hair in a messy soaked ponytail, her glasses spotted from the rain slid a bit down her nose. And she stood there, clutching something in her hand, her mouth moving as if she were practicing a speech.

He watched her knock again, and it snapped him out of his stupor. He quickly opened the door. And when he did, she looked up at him with her big, red rimmed eyes, her teeth chattering slightly.

She spoke as soon as he opened the door. “You bought me this on Saturday,” she said, sounding out of breath. “You got me this … this little statue of the Eiffel Tower. And you said one day you’d take me to Paris, to see the real one. You said we would go on our ten year anniversary. And you bought me this, so I could have it, so I could remind you in ten years that you promised me.”

He nodded dumbly before shaking his head and pulling her inside. “You’re soaked. My God, how long were you out there for?” He closed the door behind her and helped her take off her coat.

“I don’t know. What time is it?”

“It’s four.”

“Almost an hour.”

“An hour? You’re insane, do you know that? Here,” he said, handing her a blanket. “This should warm you up in a few minutes.”

He put the blanket over her shoulders and fought the impulse to wrap his arms around her, stepping back instead.

“I got here, and then I just … I … I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you, Jim. And I’m sorry I was so mean to you yesterday.” She shifted on her feet and stared at him for a quiet moment before she continued, her voice filled with remorse when she said, “I shouldn’t have said any of those things. I’m sorry, really sorry.” Her chin quivered and she frowned.

“Hey, come here,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her.

She buried her face in his shirt, her voice muffled when she said, “I was stupid, and I … I need to know, like really need to know if you can forgive me. Because I think we’d be amazing together.” She looked up with a sad smile.

He nodded, grinned and kissed her forehead.

She cleared her throat. “And I want to go to Paris in ten years, with you and only you. And I want you to take a walk with our kids every Sunday morning. And I want to wake up with you every single day and tell you that I’m so ridiculously in love with you I can’t even think of a time when I didn’t love you.”

Jim looked at a spot on her forehead, his line of sight descending to her nose and then her lips as his arms held firm to her waist. He let out a sigh and bent down to kiss her lips lightly.

She pulled back slowly and smiled coyly. “Are you going to say anything?”

“Oh, I was waiting for you to finish.” He laughed.

“I could keep going if you’d like.” She tilted her head.

“I think I have all the information I need,” he whispered, kissing her once again languidly. He felt her hands grasp his t-shirt and he enveloped her more, letting out a low sound when she parted her lips under his.

He pulled back sharply when he felt the figurine she was still holding poke him in the back. He grunted in pain, broke the kiss, took it from her hands and moved to put it on the end table.

“Sorry,” she said with a giggle.

“Yeah, that’s sort of pointy.” He pointed backward with his thumb over his shoulder. He held his arms out and she walked the few centimeters to him. He rubbed his hands over her arms and smiled down at her, his eyes half closed. He gazed at her for a few quiet moments, taking in her wide grin and her shining eyes.

“Hi,” she whispered.

“I love you too, in case, you know. There was ever any doubt,” he said, kissing her nose, her cheek and then her lips.

Her hands slipped into his hair before her arms folded around his neck. He walked backwards, not so elegantly pulling her with him toward the couch. She quickly kicked off her sneakers, and sunk down on top of his lanky frame. He pulled the blanket over them, and then proceeded to kiss her, leisurely at first, the spark between them building with each pass of their tongues. She moved her lips to his cheek and trailed light kisses down his jaw and his neck, resting her head on his shoulder.

They were quiet for a while, her breath light in his ear and his hands brushed over her back. A few moments passed, her fingers rubbing circles over his temple as she rested on him, the sound of the rain tapping the window lulling them both into a calm state neither had felt in their lives.

He closed his eyes lightly, the feeling of her in his arms bringing peace within his mind. “I can’t believe you drove here in your pajamas,” he whispered.

“It was a matter of life or death.”

“So dramatic,” he quipped, her seriousness warming him.

“I just needed you.”

“Yeah, me too.” He hugged her closer, placing a light kiss on the top of her head.

“So … what do we do now?”

“I don’t know. I sort of skipped breakfast and lunch. You wanna order a pizza and watch a movie?”

She lifted her head and kissed him. “That sounds good. Great, actually.”

When she put her head back on his shoulder he laughed. “That would require one of us to move. You do realize that.”

“I know. I’m just not ready to let go of you yet.”

He read some undertone to that, and went with his instinct to stifle any lingering doubt in her mind. “Hey,” he said, rubbing her arm lightly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” she asked, her voice in a shaky whisper.

“With all my heart,” he said, holding and kissing her hand.

“You’re still wearing your ring?”

“Yeah. I figured I have to take it off tomorrow, I just didn’t want to lose my last connection to you.” He heard her sniffle and wiped away a small tear from her cheek.

“I’m so sorry I took mine off and gave it back to you.” She buried her head further into his chest. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Hey, we’re past that now. Okay? And for the record, I’m sorry too.”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Pam.”

“I love you too.”

They sunk into the couch further, kissing, holding and caressing one another. She straddled his hips and they undressed one another slowly, taking their time exploring one another completely before moving to the bedroom. She stood in front of him, and he marveled at her perfection, growing harder as his eyes feasted on the sight of her breasts and the shape of her. He tried to maintain their slow pace they had perfected on the couch, but when her hands began running down the length of him, he bucked his hips and lifted her leg over his, pushing himself into her so quickly that she threw her head back and shouted words he never thought he’d ever hear her say.


**

“So, do I need to take you on dates and stuff?” he asked, placing a slice of pepperoni into his mouth.

“I don’t know, what do you think?” she said sarcastically, leaning into his side.

He rolled his eyes and adjusted himself on the couch so he could put his arm around her shoulder. “I think I should ask you on a date. Tomorrow night. What are you doing for dinner?”

“Oh, tomorrow’s laundry night,” she said coyly.

He fixed her with a sad pout and she instantly giggled. “I’m kidding.” She kissed his cheek.

“How about Ana Maria’s?”

“Sounds good.”

“I’ll swing by reception at five-thirty and pick you up.”

“Such a gentleman.”

“It’s who I am, Pam.”

She kissed the side of his forehead and whispered, “Good. I’ll be there.”

The kissed once more before getting back to the pizza they were eating and the movie they were watching. A few hours later they were back on his bed, fast asleep, spooned up against one another.


.

.

Waking up in Vegas


Chapter 9


Jim thought he would finally be able to sleep through the night. He was in his own apartment, in his own room, in his own bed – which was currently fifty percent occupied by his wife. All weekend he was amused by the entire situation and enjoyed being close to her again, taking their relationship to new heights - until she very nearly broke his heart before putting it back together again less than twelve hours ago.

But now, as he watched her sleep –struck by how beautiful she was even in sleep, he was also struck with a very real sense of responsibility. He had never been responsible for anyone other than himself before. He spent five years fighting the feelings he held in his mind body and soul for her – and now that he had her, finally really had her to call his wife; he was struck with an overwhelming sense of pride and fear.

Pride, because she was the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth according to him. Her positive attributes could fill three pages if he sat down and wrote out a list – which up to this point he had not done.

Fear, because she was not only someone who would rely on him, someone who would look to him for guidance and support and encouragement. She was also the woman he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wanted to spend every day and every night with. That that possibility was a reality now should make him happier than he ever could have imagined. But the fear that he could potentially screw it up again made him more nervous than he cared to admit.

His bedside clock told him it was a little after two in the morning. Work was in seven hours, and he had to be awake for real in nearly five hours. Sleep, however, was being illusive and he couldn’t help but continue to watch her sleep; the moonlight cast light on her golden hair as she lie facing him with a smile on her lips. His body felt worn, every cell begging for rest after their third time since she showed up at his door at four in the afternoon.

He wasn’t even entirely sure he was completely awake that last time, as the feeling of her sleeping next to him, naked and warm and beautiful became too much for him to bear. He couldn’t keep himself from nuzzling into her, leaving a trail of kisses down her body. He felt bad for waking her for an instant – that guilt quickly washing away with each happy moan she made. Her hands reached into his hair and she whispered his name as they found their release slowly and deliciously.

He knew he should close his eyes and try to rest – if only every single scenario in which he could quite possibly make all of this go away would stop running through his mind. And the more he tried to shoo it all away the faster they came back. Vivid pictures of her walking away again, telling him he wasn’t the right one for her after all, that she deserved better than a mid range office supply salesman.

Or another, where she told him she couldn’t love him as much as he loved her.

Or another, where she would tell him she couldn’t get over the fact that he let her believe he was still with someone else.

Each scenario was equal in their nightmare-inducing quality, and the more he thought about them, the more uncertain he became.

Closing his eyes, he forced himself to at least attempt to sleep. At which he was greeted by yet another horrific, painful thought. This, Pam lying in his arms, in his bed, in his life – it could all be one big nocturnal illusion. His familiarity with such dreams was not all that uncommon. He had imagined himself and Pam in hundreds of different situations, only to have the rug pulled from under him when he awoke in his bed with no one beside him.

He was hit with a palpable feeling that he would wake up in the morning and Karen would be where Pam now lay, that the ring on his finger would disappear and he would go back to exactly where he used to be. The more he shut it out, the stronger the feeling became, causing him to open his eyes wide once again to reassure himself that Pam was still there.

He reached over to her without thinking, an instant need touch her and to make sure she was really there made him mindlessly rub her arm.

She inhaled deeply. “Hey,” she said sleepily, only opening one eye. “Are you okay? Am I bothering you?” she mumbled.

He quietly laughed. “Sorry. I uh … just needed to … I can’t sleep.”

Her brows knitted together in concern and she brushed her hand over his forehead. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head and pulled her closer. “Just … thinking.”

She smiled tiredly, her tone low when she said, “Ah, you do realize though, right now is sleeping time? Thinking time is later.”

“I know,” he rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Just, stuff I can’t get out of my head.”

“Come here,” she said, opening her arms to him and enveloping him into a hug, his head rest underneath her chin.

She brushed her fingers through his hair, and he swore silently that if he died right this second, it wouldn’t be a bad way to go.

A few quiet moments passed while he enjoyed the feeling of being held in her arms. She kissed the top of his head and asked in a whisper, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah,” he said with a yawn. He rubbed her arm with his hand and cleared his throat. “I was just thinking, sort of scaring myself or trying to convince myself …” he rubbed his eye and then brought his hand down to her hip. “You’re really here, right?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s me.” She nuzzled her nose in his hair, her lips warm on his scalp.

“Okay.” He nodded.

“Hey, what’s up?” She brushed his cheek with her fingertips as he continued to lean on her. “You can tell me you know. It’s keeping you awake, so just let it out. I won’t judge you, you have to know that.”

“Yeah, I do.” He was quiet for a moment, thinking of how to phrase what he wanted to say. “I keep going back and forth between these stupid things. Like I think you’ll be gone tomorrow and this entire weekend will be one big thing I dreamt up.” He paused, inhaling her scent, the aroma calming him slowly. “And I just want to be everything you need and deserve. And I’m sort of worried that I won’t measure up. That you’ll figure out one day that I’m just some big kid who leaves his socks on the living room rug and eats out of take out containers. I’m just afraid that I’ll lose you.”

She hugged him close, and trailed light kisses down his cheeks, nudging him to look up and then kissed him solidly on the lips. “I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. I promise you.”

He shrugged. “I know. That’s why it’s so irrational. But I just need to know. This is it for me, and I need to make sure that it’s … that you’re in it with me.”

She was quiet for a moment, her hands resting on the side of his head and her cheek rest on his forehead. He heard her sniffle, her voice was thick with emotion when she said, “I meant what I said before. I love you, more than anything in this universe. I love your smile, your laugh, your voice, that look you give me when you think something is hilariously ridiculous. I love the feeling of your hand in mine, the sound of your heart beat when you hold me. I love how incredible it feels every time you look in my direction. I love how kind you are and how giving you are and how much you love your family. I love you, all of you.

“I love you too,” he said, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

She smiled and closed her eyes, taking a breath. “I’m so sorry that it took me so long to finally tell you. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. If I could change the past, I would do it in a second. I would tell you how I felt that night you stayed with me when my car wouldn’t start. I would have told you that time you told me that my yogurt expired. Or any of the other thousands of times I should have told you. I was scared then. I’m not scared anymore. And I’m really here with you, from now on, through thick and thin and everything in between.”

“Me too,” he said, muffling his voice in her hair as he hugged her. “Always.” He was silent for a few minutes, lifting his head to hover over hers, kissing her lightly on the lips. “I love you so much,” he whispered, closing his eyes and pressing his nose against hers. “Everything about you, it’s just all amazing. Your talent, your beauty, your elegance, even when you spill things, the way you make my day brighter just by being in it, from the day I met you. You’ve been my closest friend, the one person I trust the most.” He brushed his fingers over her hair. “The fact that we’re here now, it just blows me away. I know we can’t forget about the past, but I know, really truly know what it’s like to not be with you, and I never want to live through that again. But I want you to know that if you ever want to do anything, art, sales, whatever, I’ll stand beside you. You don’t ever need to worry that I won’t.”

She touched his cheek as he gazed into her eyes, swallowed and smiled, her eyes shining. “Thank you. That means more to me than you could ever know.” She kissed him solidly on his parted lips, wrapping her arms around his neck as he moved his arms around her, lifting her a bit and caressing her side with his fingertips.

He buried his head in her neck, physically needing to be as close to her as possible. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. It felt good to get all that out.” She rubbed her hand over his back and asked, “Can I have my ring back?”

He stared into her eyes, kissing her quickly before getting out of bed to retrieve the ring.

She held her hand out to him, and he slid it on her finger. “I want you. Forever,” he whispered.

“Me too,” she said, wiping a stray tear from her eye.

“Will you marry me?”

She lifted her left hand. “We did that already.” She smiled.

“I know. I mean, in front of our family and friends. I promise I’ll pull my weight and help plan it.”

“Okay,” she said, staring at her finger with a grin. “Okay, let’s do it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Oh. You said you called a lawyer.”

“Yep, I did. What are you thinking? Should we get an annulment? Or just wing it.”

She shook her head. “Personally? I mean, my parents are going to freak out, and my grandmother may have faint. But no, I don’t ever want to have anything annulled. Like never.”

He smiled, his heart literally lifting in his chest. “I’ll call him back tomorrow. Tell him to cancel it. And we’ll go with the flow.”

She nodded and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “It shouldn’t be that difficult.”

“Definitely not. I’ve already known you for five years. I’m pretty sure I can tolerate you twenty four hours a day.”

She laughed. “Good.” She yawned. “People at work are gonna flip too.”

“Bet you they don’t even notice,” he only half joked.

“Okay, you’re on.” She laughed. “Do you think we should tell our future kids their parents got married in Vegas?”

He laughed, his lips finding the spot on her neck that made her shift underneath him. “Nah, it’ll be our little secret.”

She smiled and whispered, “Okay.” Holding he hands to his cheeks, she kissed him, long and slow, sucking slightly on his bottom lip – just enough to make him groan deep in the back of his throat.

When she moved to her side, motioning him to lie on his back, he questioned her. “Aren’t you tired?”

She shook her head. “Last night of our honeymoon,” she said, pressing herself into him, his hands instantly sliding down her body as she straddled his hips. He caressed her ass, feeling the heat radiating through her panties. Her tongue searched his mouth, massaging the roof of his as she hungrily kissed him. Her lips found their way slowly to the hollow of his throat, to his neck and she slowly placed kisses along his chest.

As she crept lower on his body, he tried to enjoy the sensations, the feeling of her tongue on the hot skin that led from his bellybutton to his boxers. He fought the urge to flip her over and instead gritted his teeth in anticipation as her mouth moved lower. Her hands tugged at the waist band of his boxers and he quickly helped take them off. Her lips found their way to the tip of his rock hard erection, swirling her tongue over the tip before she took him in her mouth. His hands were in her hair, his head thrown back on the pillow. He could swear he had never been this turned on in his life.

“Shit … Pam … so … good.”

When her tongue flicked lightly at the underside while her hand stroked him, he lost all ability to form one solitary coherent thought, moaning nonsense words.

Soon, she began moaning his name and he sat up, reached for her face and kissed her sloppily, holding her breasts in his hands before he lifted her in his arms and turned her over. He feverishly kissed his way from her neck to her breasts, rolling her hard nipple in his mouth. His hands were giving equal attention to her other breast and to her wet center. He marveled at how ready she was for him.

“You feel so good, Pam. So … god you’re so perfect. I love you so much, baby. So much.” He muttered into her chest as he licked the side of her breast, his fingers plunging into her, both of them keeping pace by rolling their hips.

She ran her hands down his back, the cool feeling of her ring made his head dip down, his lips attacking her mouth as he removed his fingers and rocked into her. She matched his tempo, writhing, moaning and scratching her nails into his skin.

“Faster… oh god, faster, yes…” she raised her hips higher, and he could feel the pressure building in him, speeding up at her urging, the heels of her feet dug into his ass as he crashed into her over and over again. She screamed his name as she came, and he followed, the feeling of her pulsing around him forcing him to let himself go.

He lay right next to her, out of breath, holding the side of her face with his hand as he lightly kissed her cheek. He moved back to his side of the bed and she adjusted herself so her head rest on his chest.

When he began to dream again this time he saw a back yard, with a swing set and a pool, and two curly haired little girls running around. When he looked up toward the house, he saw Pam, standing on a balcony, watering some plants, smiling down at him, her gold wedding band glimmering in the sunlight. And he felt whole.

.