He pulls up to her apartment building just as the sun has almost completely slipped below the horizon. Parking across the street, he can see that it’s dark inside; she’s not home. It’s not a surprise to him, but he’s been driving around for a while to kill time until she got home from class and now he just wants to wait here for her. He cuts the engine, opens the door, and unfolds himself from his car, making his way to her front porch.

His mind is still reeling from earlier in the day, the awful scene in the kitchen with Karen yelling at him, calling him a jerk, accusing him of using her, of ruining her life by allowing her to follow him to Scranton. Of being a cheater, a liar, and myriad of other names and accusations before she stormed back out to the office, leaving him bewildered and staring down at the floor.

He deserved it. He deserved it all.

He never meant to hurt Karen, or to use her. But he still felt like she was justified in everything she gave him today. Having good intentions doesn’t equal good choices, and he’d lost count of every bad decision he’d made over the past year.

He and Pam avoided one another the entire day, which made the day more unbearable than usual. They’d gone on three dates since last Thursday night, and in that short time he had gotten used to talking to her every day, hearing her voice, making her laugh. He’s felt unsettled since this morning and he just wants to see her and shake it off, make it go away. She left a few minutes early today, as she does every Monday, to accommodate her 5:30 class. He grabbed a beer and a burger with Mark right after work, and then drove around a little while to wait for her.

Sitting on her porch steps, leaning against the railing, he sits up and peers out every time a car turns on to her street, then deflating and settling back in when it’s not her. He stares up at a crystal clear sky, now dark with stars shining, and tries to forget the day, forget the guilt that has been weighing on him since this morning. He’s hoping that seeing her will put him at ease.

******

Walking out of class and into the night air, she realizes it’s a little bit chillier than she had anticipated tonight, and she left her sweater at work. She’s surprised she managed to remember any of her things when she left work for the day, as she was more than ready to leave by the time 4:30 rolled around. It had been an awful day that began with Karen reaming Jim out practically in front of the whole office, and ended with Michael asking her to help him come up with “safe” words to use with Jan.

She had considered texting him that she would call him after her class, but she thought maybe he might need some space. And he seemed withdrawn all day, clearly avoiding her, which she understood. But it left her feeling unsure of where to go from here. Does she call him? Wait for him to call? Maybe they had rushed too fast..they had gone out Thursday night, Friday night, and again on Sunday. He probably needed time to process it all, clear the air with Karen, and now she can’t shake the guilt she has after spending so much time with Jim and feeling utterly blissful while Karen probably spent the weekend crying, missing him and feeling abandoned. For the first time since Thursday, she is not proud to admit that she feels like the other woman, encroaching on someone else’s territory, being one of “those girls” that steals another woman’s boyfriend. She wants to think of her relationship with Jim as so much more than that, and it is, but in the end he was still with someone else not even a week ago, even after she opened up to him in front of everyone.

Pam gets in the car and closes her car door, flipping her phone open to dial Jim. But she quickly closes the phone and tosses it next to her, leaning back against her seat. She takes a breath and assures herself that he just needs time, and that he will come to her when he can.

But it doesn’t stop her from driving by his house on her way home and feeling a heavy weight on her shoulders when she sees the lights are out and his car is not there.

It’s too early in their relationship, or whatever it is, to be wondering about where he is and why he hasn’t called, so she rolls the windows down to calm her nerves and ease her mind as she makes her way home in the cool spring night.

Jim’s car is parked under a tree across the street and she doesn’t see it as she gathers her bag with art supplies and her purse from the backseat of her car. She is walking towards her front door, struggling with her bags and finding her keys when his voice startles her, “Hey let me…”

 He’s solid and real, right in front of her and trying to take the bag of art supplies from her hand, the look on his face sheepish and unsure.

 She looks up at him and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, “Hey. Wow, sorry I…didn’t see you.”

 He puts her bag down on the porch, stuffing his hands into his pockets, shoulders slumped. He shrugs, “Yeah. Sorry to just...show up like this but...well, I wanted to see you. I needed to see you.”

 She is surprised when she feels a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes, the relief of seeing him giving way to all of the emotions she has pent up all day, maybe even all year. She is almost afraid to talk for fear that she will burst out into tears, so instead she just nods and whispers “me too”, dropping her purse on the ground and wrapping her arms around him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I’m so sorry”.

His arms are tightening around her as he runs his lips over her forehead. She looks up at him, confusion on her face, and he clears his throat to continue, “I mean, for today, for you having to hear all…of that. But, for everything, for this year, for how I acted when I came back-“

“We both made mistakes I can’t…I can’t blame you for what you were feeling, for reacting the way you did. And this morning, with Karen, well…that wasn’t your fault.”

He pulls back from her, his hands running down her arms, squeezing her hands briefly before letting go and stepping back, “Yeah. It was. I was a jerk to her. I used her. I didn’t want to admit it but that’s really how it happened, right? I just wanted to move on.” He backs away, sitting down on the porch steps before looking back up at her, “I’m not that guy though, and I mean it. It’s different with you. It always has been. You know that, right?”

She smiles at him softly, sitting next to him on the steps and grabbing his face in her hands. His eyes close at the feel of her hands on him, at the look of tenderness in her eyes, sometimes it’s all too much anymore, like it cannot possibly be real.

“Jim,” she says it so softly he almost doesn’t hear her, and he opens his eyes to look into hers, “I know you. Even after all this time I know the man that you are. You are not that guy. I know that.”

He nods, grabbing her hand and pressing a kiss to her palm before wrapping both of her hands up in his, intertwined between the two of them. “It’s just that I know we haven’t talked about a lot of things yet. About this past year…about everything. But I want to make sure you know that what happened, how I’ve been acting? I never meant to hurt you. Or Karen. I was trying to keep my head above water and I guess I just didn’t want to think about how badly I was hurting people I cared about.”

She nodded, “I know. I do. I made so many mistakes too. If I had the chance I would do a lot of things differently. But, it’s okay. We’ll get past it. I know that, and I know you. I promise.”

He smiles at her, feeling peaceful for the first time today. He leans down to kiss her, her mouth opening up immediately underneath his. She is so soft, so warm and she reacts so instantly to his touch it makes his head swim. Her hands immediately run up his arms and finally rest in his hair, and the feeling sends a chill down his spine, making his arms wind tighter around her. The silence of the night is broken up only by the sound of their kisses and the small moan in the back of her throat when his hand drifts down, touching the bare skin at the top of her jeans.

He gathers her closer and his hand slides up to feel the warm skin on her back, his fingertips grazing the clasp on her bra. Their breathing gets heavier until they finally break apart, foreheads together and eyes closed, “I’m so glad you came over.”

When he looks at her she’s smiling and she looks giddy, she looks in love, it nearly makes his heart stop she is so beautiful. “God me too. You have no idea.”

 “Come inside. Please. Don’t leave.” She punctuates the question with a pointed look, her meaning clearly not lost on him.

He nods, feeling momentarily unable to form a coherent thought. Standing up, she reaches her hand down to his and whispers, “Come with me.”

He grabs her hand to stand up, and they don’t let go.