“And then he says, and I quote, ‘any real potential there Beesly?’” 

“Ouch.” Pam could hear the audible cringe in her best friend Isabel’s voice. The sound of which made her take another sip of her rapidly dwindling glass of wine. Spurred by her liquid courage and anger Pam continued the retelling of the absolutely horrible day she had just had. 

“Exactly!” She said waving her sloshing wine in the air in emphasis. “Like how is this the same guy who told me he was in love with me weeks before my wedding?! That guy would have never been encouraging me to go on a date. Especially not a guy dressed in a Ben Franklin costume!”

The events of the day seemed to catch up with Pam fully in the moment as she landed heavily on her worn couch, wine sloshing again. Leaving her drained. Emotionally and physically.

Pam could hear Isabel take a large breath over the cell phone followed by the distinct sound of a cork popping. Clearly she wasn’t the only one who needed wine for this conversation.

“Okay, calm down Pam. Let’s look at this at another angle, maybe Jim was joking?” Isabel paused, the sound of sipping filtering through the speaker, “I mean the Ben Franklin impersonator was only there because Jim pulled a fast one and booked the guy as the ladies entertainment. So maybe his seemingly happy mood hearing that you had been hit on by the guy was just him continuing the prank?” She reasoned from her completely non objective point of view. 

Of course, that would have worked had the wounds of the day not still been fresh in Pam’s mind or had she not been drinking wine. Unfortunately, all the level headed talk did was dredge up another horrible moment from the day. 

“And then there’s Karen!” She exclaimed loudly. 

Isabel paused again before finally asking, “Wait…what did Karen do?”

Pam shook her head rapidly her auburn curls moving angrily around her as the wine pushed her movements to become much more animated. Something she was all to aware tends to happen when she drinks. Only there was no one around to see the wild gestures. A fact that should have embarrassed Pam but didn’t. 

“Ohh you’ll love this Izz, apparently Jim told her about the kiss. Our kiss! And to quote smug Karen.” Her fingers air quoted along with her words. 

“Wow, lot of quoting tonight.” 

“Hush.” Pam quickly dismissed her friend and continued. “Alright this is what she said, ‘we talked it through and it’s totally fine, it’s not a big deal. It’s just a kiss.’”

“Double ouch.” Isabel’s voiced hit a pained pitch through Pam’s now tightly clutched cellphone.

Silently agreeing Pam took another large gulp of her wine, finishing it off, as if it would wash out the foul taste the words had left behind in their wake. Unfortunately all it did was irritate the already furious churning in her gut. 

Ignoring the pain pulling at her middle Pam stood again and made her way across her small living room and toward the almost empty wine bottle safely nestled on her Kitchen counter. Pam grimaced slightly at the meager contents before pouring the remaining wine into her glass and heading back to the couch. The sagging cushion still bearing her imprint from before.

“Like, its not a big deal? Just a kiss?” Pam’s tone turned from one of anger to one of sad desperation, “Izzie, I called off my wedding because of that kiss. I ended my ten year relationship because of that kiss. And…and it was no big deal to him?” Her arm was moving hastily with her words again, sending some of her cheap Pinot Grigio puddling to the floor.

“Pam…there’s no way that the kiss you two shared after he proclaimed his love for you means nothing to Jim.” Isabel reasoned, “No way. There has to be another explanation.”

Giving a very uncharacteristic sardonic chuckle Pam finally expressed out-loud the painful realization that had been haunting her most of the day now. 

“I’ll give you another explanation, Izzie,” taking a breath Pam steeled her nerves and finally said the awful truth, “he’s moved on. He over me. He…he doesn’t love me anymore. And that’s, that.” 

Once she said it Pam wasted no time in taking another drink of her wine. Thanking the tiny grapes silently for the numbing fuzziness that was begging to set in. 

“Alright have you been drinking? Because you’re talking crazy, little missy.”

Pam cast a glance at her glass and then the empty wince bottle, and the. Back to her glass.

“No.” She lied. Before immediately changing her mind and telling the truth. “Maybe a little. But that’s beside the point. Jim’s clearly moved one and if anything has shown me today its time for me to do the same.” 

Isabel made a familiar frustrated groan over the phones speaker. It was the same exact noise Pam had been hearing for as long as she could remember. A distinctive groan that only came forth from her friend when Pam was really driving her crazy. 

Which tended to be quiet a lot lately.

“Or you could just, I dunno, tell him how you feel! Pam I’ve been begging you to tell that man your feelings for months now! But no. Every time I brought it up you had an excuse.” Isabel’s voice rose in pitch as she began to poorly mimic Pam. “‘I’ve got to get an apartment first. I can’t start dating someone right after I broke up with Roy…’”

Do I really sound like that? No, that can’t be right. Pam thought, as she briefly tuned out her friend who was still listing some of Pam’s many excuses for not contacting Jim.

“‘…I’ll call after I start my art classes. He probably doesn’t even want to hear from me anyways. The branches are merging, I’ll just tell him then.’ But you know what Pam? You never did!” Isabel finished angrily. It was clear she was fed up with her friends indecisive nature. 

“And now its too late.” Pam whispered brokenly. I’m too late.

“Pam…” All the ferocity was suddenly lost in Isabel’s voice. Her ever supportive friend back in place.

Sniffing loudly as she swiped away tears with the sleeve of her blouse that she had worn to work. With red rimmed eyes and moist cheeks Pam suddenly straightened her spine and set down her wine glass on the coffee table in front of her. As if she was readying herself for some grand proclamation. Which in truth she was.

“Which is why I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on as well.” She told Isabel with finality.

 Loud sigh echoed in Pam’s ear, “Oh lord, here we go.”

Pam shook her head again, the muddled feeling from the alcohol much more intense now. “Come on Izzie just hear me out. I-I’m in my late twenties and I’ve only had one sexual partner. ONE!”

“What does...God, Pam…” Isabel trailed off and Pam could imagine her pinching the bridge of her nose as she always does when she’s frustrated. “You also had a relationship that spanned a decade, but continue.”

“True, irrelevant, but true.” Pam conceded and continued, “anyways I’ve decided I need to get back out there; but I don’t want a boyfriend.” Her determination beginning to bleed through her words. If Pam had been talking to anyone else she might have been able to fool them into believing her. Believe this is what she really wanted.

But unfortunately for her she was speaking to Isabel Poreba. A women proficient in speaking bull shit. 

Especially when it came to Pam.

“There’s just no way I could commit to any sort of relationship feeling…like...this. So instead I’ve decided to keep it casual, no commitment. That sort of thing.”

“So let me get this straight,” Isabel began, “the same Pam Beesly who has only dated one man her entire life and is currently I love with another, wants to have  casual, no strings attached relationships?” Pam nodded silently in agreement to her empty apartment.

“AKA casual sex.” Her nodding slowed as her lips pursed and her eyes narrowed in internal debate. 

“AKA one night stands.” Head coming to an abrupt stop, Pam couldn’t even attempt to hide her shock as her eyebrows shot into her hair line and her blurry green gaze went wide. “Am I getting this right?” Isabel asked tersely. 

Fumbling with her words Pam took a moment to respond back. The shock and the alcohol making it almost impossible to formulate an appropriate response quick enough.

“Um, o-okay maybe not one night stands, I would like to know them a little more than a few hours before,” she said as her hands waved suggestively, “you know. All I’m saying Izzie, is that I just want to date around right now, and if it leads to upping my number but not a boyfriend…” 

Unfortunately for Pam, before she could finish her sentence the smiling face of the man she deeply loved flashed treacherously through her mind. Triggering a deep ache in her chest. That never seemed to fade.

She knew deep down, she didn’t really want to ‘up her number’ she would be perfectly happy to have it stop at two. As long as that second man was Jim. And up until today she still had a sliver of hope that, that would some day be the case. That despite her rejection last May, his current girlfriend and their current brittle husk of a friendship that somehow they would find their way back to each other. 

 Sadly that hope was now all gone. Along with the dream that Jim Halpert would be her number two. Or any number at that.

“… I would be fine with that.” Her voice wobbled slightly, “That’s all. I’m not planning on becoming, I dunno, Meredith or anything.” She finished with a joke. Hoping the light quip would cover up the rawness of her words. 

“Which ones Meredith again?” Pam was sure that Isabel had heard the fluctuation in her voice but choose not to question it. 

“The alcoholic divorcée, but that’s not important.” She told her without missing a beat.

Isabel gave a small laugh before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Okay, how about we put a pin in this discussion and we’ll talk about you becoming slutty Pam when you haven’t got any wine in you.” 

Glad that the heaviness of the conversation had seemingly come to an end, Pam broke out in her own fit of drunken laughter. Ultimately having to take a minute to compose herself before continuing.“You know I don’t actually need your permission to do any of this right?” But I want it.

“I know. But you want it.” Pam’s grin widened.

“Ugh, fine!” She sighed in mock indignation, “pin inserted.”

“Dork. Okay, on to other topics, do I really have to accompany you to that wedding tomorrow?”

“Oh my God yes!” She pleaded. “It was already going to be terrible but after today? I can’t even begin to imagine how awkward it will be. And besides, Phyllis already told me she marked me as a plus one. While she winked at me and walked away mind you.”

Pam cringed remembering the day that fun little interaction had happened. Which of course had been on another ultimately horrible day.

The day back from vacation. 

Where Pam started the day giving Jim relationship advice and ended it crying in the warehouse hallway. 

“Monster.”

Pam nodded, “absolutely. So as to not look like a complete loser I have to bring someone.” 

“Wow. Way to make me feel loved.” Isabel deadpanned.

“Oh stop, I’ve been your stand in friend date to more weddings and family events then I can count, Izzie. You owe me.” 

“You know why I did that.” Isabel’s voice suddenly sounded hesitant and small. 

And she did.

At the young age of eighteen Isabel had confided in Pam that she thought she was attracted to girls. Of course Pam being the best friend that she was supported Isabel fully. Never once wavering, or spilling her heavily guarded secret. And when her parents stopped speaking to her a year later, after coming out to them, Pam was there.

It was close to two years later when Isabel’s parents finally broke their silence and the three began the long process of fixing their fractured relationship. 

Unfortunately though, the damage had already been done and Isabel made the decision not to share her sexual orientation with any extended family. Which meant Pam became Isabel’s perpetual plus one to any and all family events and weddings. 
The engaged best friend tagging along because Izzie was ‘between boyfriends’, raising no questions and blocked suspicions.

“I do and I had no problem saving you from the inevitable questions about why none of your family has seen you with a man in over ten years. So you should have no problem saving me from watching the guy I love dance with his girlfriend.” Pam huffed. 

Isabel paused, obviously thinking over Pam’s argument. “Well…when you put it like that…what time should I be there?” A grin spread across Pam’s face. 

“Two, at my place. We can get ready together! Like the old days.” Pam’s excitement was nearly palpable now. If she hadn’t been so drunk she probably would have realized that she shouldn’t have been this excited about a sham date with her best friend. 

But she was that drunk. And that excited. 

“Sounds good SP.” Isabel laughed.

“SP?” Thin eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Slutty Pam.” 

Pam let out a laugh so loud that it ended in a snort. A clear sign she had been over served. “You’re terrible Isabel. See you tomorrow.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” She chirped back immediately, hanging up and closing her phone.

Letting out a long sigh Pam dropped backwards, flopping haphazardly on her couch. Her usually uncomfortable couch suddenly becoming more and more appealing by the minute as the room began to slowly sway around her and her limbs became heavy.

 
Ugh, I should really get up. She thought briefly as she made a poor attempt to sit up. 

But before she could spare her back from the deep ache of spending longer than an hour on the couch, the tendrils of sleep started to set it; and within seconds she was asleep. 

“Sweet baby Jesus in a manger.” Isabel’s gaze moved swiftly around the church as she and Pam stood frozen in the aisle. Throngs of guest mulling past the two women as they took in the scene around them in obvious shock. 

“Did you…”

“No.” Pam answered before Isabel could finish. Green eyes wide and mouth agape.

“Then how…”

“I have no idea.” Without even bothering to look at Pam, Isabel knew she was telling the truth. Her tone just as stunned as Isabel’s. 

Moving her gaze around the parish another time Isabel took in the flowers, decorations and colors. All of which were not just somewhat similar to what Pam had selected for her own wedding, but down right identical. Every single aspect of the wedding so far, from the entrance to the alter, was completely and painfully identical to Pam’s doomed one.

“Come on,” Isabel looped her arm with Pam’s and headed towards a pew, “let’s go get a seat. This twilight zone of a wedding is making me dizzy.” Pam mutely nodded beside her friend and followed dutifully. 

The pair chose a seat on the right side of the church, close to the front. Despite the unsettling feeling swirling in Pam’s gut, she still wanted a good seat to be able to view Phyllis getting married. Out of everyone in the office Phyllis had been there the most for Pam after calling off her wedding. Giving her sage advice and motherly comfort over break room coffee and when that wasn’t enough a happy hour margarita during an extended lunch break. 

So regardless of how strange this day was already shaping up to be, Pam was here, wholeheartedly ready to support Phyllis. Even if it meant she might need one or two of those happy hour margaritas by the end of it.

“So any sign of he who shall not be named and his silky haired date?” Isabel whispered inconspicuously next to her. While her eyes darted around the room. No doubt searching for Jim’s lanky frame. While she had heard enough about the man to fill a book, she had never actually seen the infamous Jim Halpert.

Pam rolled her eyes. “Who? Voldemort?” A playful shove was Pam’s only answer. 

So to appease her ‘date’ Pam twisted discreetly in her pew, nervously looking over the crowd. She quickly spotted Kelly, dragging along a miserable looking Ryan. Her mouth rapidly moving along with her hands, undoubtedly describing her own dream wedding down to the every detail. 

Walking, well more like stumbling, right behind them, was Meredith. A silver flask sticking obviously out of her small handbag. 

She started early today. Pam shook her head and continued looking.

Dwight appeared next, his head swiveling around as he glanced at the thick crowd around him in disgust. Lips sneering and brows furrowed.

Lord only knows what he’s thinking. Pam mused as several obscene and horrifying options assaulted her mind. Her stomach twisting at some of the worst.

Angela, unsurprisingly, came in right after Dwight. Pausing briefly beside him to give him an appraising glance before swiftly walking past. Head held high, a severe look firmly planted back on her face. If she had bothered to turn around she would have seen Dwight give her backside a solid examination. 

Guess that’s still going on. 

She would have taken a moment to lament at the fact that Dwight and Angela had a healthier love life than she had, had in months, maybe years. If not for the fact that at that exact moment she caught sight of Jim’s slim frame entering the parish. Looking incredibly handsome in his black suit and tie and a small smile on his face.

Unfortunately, Pam’s appraisal of him was cut short as she saw just who exactly was standing at his side, putting that smile on his face.

Karen. Looking gorgeous in dark satin and an elegant up-do. A matching grin pulling at her own mouth. 

Pam’s perfectly done curls swished violently around her as she quickly turned her gaze back toward the front of the church. Desperately hoping that neither Jim or Karen had caught her obvious staring.

“They’re here.” She hissed. 

Isabel gave a much more discreet look over her shoulder than Pam had and caught sight of the pair taking a seat a few rows back in a pew across the aisle. “Damn, she is good looking.” Isabel said her eyes racking over Karen’s form. “Any way you can find out if she swings both ways?” She asked jokingly, but not really. 

Pam shot Isabel a shocked look, before slapping her leg.

“Hey! Just trying to see if I have a chance at being her rebound after the inevitable break up between her and Jim.” Isabel’s painted red lips spread into a grin. “Of course, that requires you getting off your cute butt and telling that tall drink of water how you feel.” Another slap was the only answer Isabel received as the two fell into silence and remaining guest took their seats.

.o.o.o.o.o.

“The same dress, Pam.” Isabel gripped Pam’s hand tighter, shaking it in emphasis as the walked into the lively reception hall. “The same dress! How on earth…” Isabel stumbled in her words and walking as she and Pam took in the reception simultaneously. Ghost of canceled reception past staring right back at them.

“Oh come on!” Isabel all but shouted as Pam ducked her head and pulled her date into the dimmed hall. Noticing the telltale signs that her friend was about to make a scene. Which was the last thing she needed today. 

“Let’s just find our seats.” She pleaded as they past several tables. Isabel audaciously pointing the whole way. Mouth agape.

Of course once Pam found where exactly Phyllis had seated her and Isabel she immediately regretting searching it out so vigorously. Because there, sitting directly across from Pam’s tiny name card at the large eight seater table was none other than the main propellant of Pam’s increasing wine problem.

Jim and Karen. 

Phyllis truly is a monster. 

Holding back the curse that threatened to break through Pam sat down silently in her seat. Only sparing Isabel a knowing glance before directing her attention to the small bag of fancy chocolates that served as a thank you gift for each guest. Picking at the gauzy fabric instead of meeting the eyes of the couple sitting directly across from her. 

Not one to avoid conflict Isabel struck like the viper that she is and introduced herself to the pair. “Hi, I’m Isabel.” She gave a small wave along with a wide grin. Playing the part of innocent and unsuspecting perfectly. 

“Hey Isabel, I’m Jim and this is Karen.” Jim greeted from across the table and Karen nodded. Perfectly cordial and cool as always. “We work with the bride,” his eyes darted to the still silent Pam, his façade of nonchalance faltering for a moment before firmly locking back into place. “And Pam. Obviously.” An awkward silence bled into the air around the table. Laughter and conversations could be heard as guests milled around the room, finding their seats and greeting others. 

Jim cleared his throat, “um, so you’re Pam’s friend?” While the question may have seemed superficial and weak to most, Isabel could hear the genuine curiosity and interest behind his words. The sound of which fueling her next move. 

“Not exactly,” she grinned slyly. Jim along with Pam cocked an eyebrow at her response. “I’m her lover.” Isabel added, after a dramatic pause, while running a lithe hand up Pam’s arm.

Jim choked on the water he had just taken a sip of, while Karen’s eyebrows shot into her dark bangs. Her dark eyes flicking between the two women while Jim kept his gaze completely fixated on Pam. A look of shock and disbelief written all over his face.

Guess you’re not used to people pranking you, huh Halpert?

Isabel mentally grinned at her achievement. 

Pam, who was used to Isabel’s antics, just gave the other woman a swat and a grin. Her earlier anxiety at being at the same table as Jim and Karen melting slowly away, thanks to her friend’s joke. 

“You wish.” She teased, sticking out her tongue before turning back to Jim and Karen. The shock slowly being to fade but still very present on both their face.

Suddenly self consciousness under their scrutiny, Pam tucked an errant curl behind her ear. “No, uh, Isabel is…my best friend, sister really.” Pam gave a small but clearly pointed look at Jim and continued, “has been since practically birth.” She ended, passing a heartfelt smile to her friend. It was the truth every word, no matter what Jim might have been or could ever be to Pam, Isabel would always be her first best friend. And nothing could change that. Neither Pam or Isabel would allow it.

“That’s...really nice.” Karen wistfully admitted, addressing Pam verbally for the first time that day. Pam couldn’t help but notice the genuine tone in her voice as she spoke. It was the most authentic sounding thing Karen had ever said to Pam. Which gave Pam pause, noticing Karen for the first time in a new light. It was no secret now that Karen pretty much moved to Scranton because of Jim. But what Pam had never really fully realized was what exactly Karen had to sacrifice in making that decision. Family. Her hometown. And more than likely her friends, her girlfriends. 

Pam was certain Karen didn’t interact with anyone outside the office but Jim, so unless she had found a hidden wealth of young women in the twenties to become friends with she was more than likely very friendless. Probably only connecting with Jim’s friends and maybe their girlfriends. But if Pam was to read anything into her previous tone she could assume that was not the case.

We could have been friends. Pam concluded sadly. If only the situation was different.

Another brief silence fell over the table, everyone lost in their own thoughts, it was finally broken when Karen, not so subtly hinted that she wanted a glass of wine. Batting her eye lashes and smiling shyly at Jim with her deep red lips.

And, I no longer feel bad her. Pam narrowed her eyes slightly at the other woman.

“Guess that’s my cue.” Jim said as he stood. “Do either of you want anything?” 

Immediately becoming flustered Pam looked to her friend for help, not sure whether she should take Jim up on his offer. Or spin the drink run in her favor. 

Of course Isabel had no problem deciding the right course of action.

“Actually we do. But you can’t carry three drinks, let alone four. So why doesn’t Pam go with you?” She asked in the most innocent voice. Her large brown eyes gazing politely up at Jim’s tall frame. 

Jim faltered noticeably at the question. “Uh, um, y-yeah. Sure. Is, uh that okay with you Pam?” He stuttered out. Nervousness bleeding into his words as he anxiously rubbed the back of his neck. A typical tell that Pam knew by heat. Jim’s response gave Pam a small surge of hope. If she could make the man act like this at the mere idea of them spending solo time together than he must feeling something for her still. Right?

Pam wasted no time giving Jim a quick nod and standing up. Her eagerness showing. “The usual Izzie?” A vodka martini with not two but three olives. 

“Please.” She chirped in agreement. “Take your time, I’ll keep Karen here company while you’re gone.” Pam had no doubt that Isabel would keep the raven haired beauty company. Whether it was her benefit or Isabel’s she didn’t know. Or care.

Karen cast Isabel a suspicious glance before turning a weary eye towards Pam and Jim. Who now stood side by side. 

Pam’s eagerness began to wane under Karen’s critical gaze. Her earlier anxiety starting to come back full force as a flash of the same critical gaze entered her mind. Just yesterday she had stared her down in an identical manner as she interrogated Pam about whether or not she still wanted Jim. Which ended with Pam acting and feeling like an idiot.

After what felt like years Karen finally relented. “Pinot Grigio.” The breath Pam didn’t realize she had been holding and the anxiety brewing deep in her left all at once. The feeling of optimism filling her once again. 

The trek across the reception hall was met with silence overly loud foot falls for Pam and Jim. Pam far to nervous to say anything to Jim without alcohol either in her hand or her system. And Jim, well Pam wasn’t sure what was going through his mind. He was completely silent, hands stuffed firmly in his pockets, looking straight ahead, towards their destination. A look of serious contemplation written all over his face.

Thankfully there was no line at the bar when they arrived. Allowing them to order their respective drinks, giving a brief reprieve to the tense silence. 

“Vodka martini and a glass of Pinot Noir.” Pam told the smiling bartender after Jim had finished ordering Karen’s Pinot Grigio and his craft beer. 

For the first time since being alone, Jim cocked a small grin. “What,” he cleared his throat before continuing, almost bashful, “no second drink tonight?” Pam look up at her handsome escort as she cocked an eyebrow and searched her mind for the meaning behind his words.

Second drin–oh, OH! 

A light blush spread across Pam’s cheeks as she finally caught the reference.  Clearing her own throat, which felt like it was threatening to close in nervousness. “Oh-um, yeah no second drinks tonight.” Trying to conceal her embarrassment, Pam looked down fiddling with the rouge napkin she had picked up off the bar. “I would hate to repeat that night.” She added, without thinking. Only realizing how her words sounded after she had already spewed them out. And the implications that they held.

Pam balked and quickly tried to correct herself, lifting her green gaze upwards, meeting Jim’s. “Uh, b-because you know...I-I was banned for life from Chili’s.” Delicate hands twisted the napkin within an inch of its life. “Yeah! And I, uh, would really hate to be banned from this reception hall.” She finished lamely. 

Gone was Jim’s brief small grin. 

Now in its place sat pinched lips and a tense jaw. Accompanied by eyebrows locked in a deeply frustrated frown. 

“You’re right, we would hate to have a repeat of that night.” Jim’s words left Pam with no doubt of his current feelings. The pain dripping from them spelled it all out for her. 

She had hurt him. She had screwed up again, bungling her words, and she had hurt him. 

Inadvertently of course. But the damage was done.

Before Pam could even began to rebuff her earlier statement. Make Jim believe without a doubt that the only thing Pam regrets about that night was seeing a shirtless Dwight and not the drunken kiss she had given him, he was gone. Grabbing his and Karen’s drinks and turning on his heels, heading back to their shared table.

Pam fought the tears that threatened to escape as he made his escape, blinking repeatedly and biting harshly down on her bottom lip. Grabbing her drinks from the bar top, she shot the bartender a pathetic smile and turned to leave. Martini and red wine in hand. 

It took Pam twice as long to get to the table. Between her slow pace and the quick conversation Toby had pulled her into. Introducing her to his gorgeous date. Who she, like probably everyone else in the office, assumed didn’t exist. She finally made it back just in time to see Karen pull Jim from the table and towards the dance floor. Leaving their barely consumed drinks behind.

Isabel caught her with an expectant look as Pam took her seat, “so what happened? Why the heck did Jim come back with a serious tude?” Pam left out a huff and downed a large gulp on wine before even bothering to answer.

“Well, I made a complete ass of myself that’s why.” If the setting hadn’t of been so public Pam would have considered throwing her head down on the table. Hoping to bang some sense into it. 

“Okay I’m going to need some details? I set you up for the perfect opportunity to doing some bomb flirting. What the hell happened?” Isabel hissed from behind her martini. 

Pam gave a pathetic whine, scrunching her eyes painfully as she replayed the scene over and over in her mind. Like a car crash. But in this scenario she was the car and its victim all in one. 

“We were actually, talking, joking even and then I made a stupid comment and he took it the wrong way.” Lifting her glass again, Pam took another gulp. “Like really, really wrong.” 

Isabel palmed her forehead, clearly frustrated by the turn of events. Her mind formulating a plan of attack for her dear friend. Who she wanted nothing more than to be done with being miserable.

“Okay, the night may not be a complete failure yet. All we have to do – ” 

She would have continued voicing her plan if at that moment she hadn’t suddenly caught sight of Pam’s expression. Shattered and defeated, staring past Isabel and towards the dance floor behind her. Her beautiful green eyes filling slowly with tears. 

With a quick turn of her head, Isabel was able to immediately identify the source of Pam’s pain. 

There front and center of the dance floor was Jim and Karen. Intimately embracing, Jim smirking down to a no doubt grinning Karen, as they slow danced to a mediocre Police cover. Isabel felt an immediate flash of anger at the sight, her earlier desire to mend the rift between Pam and Jim temporarily forgotten. 

How could this be the same man who had admitted to having feelings for Pam for years and just a few months prior declared his love for her? 

It makes no sense! Isabel thought, finally realizing exactly why Pam believed Jim had truly moved on.

“Pam…” she said turning back to her heartbroken friend. Pam sniffed discreetly as she pulled her tortured gaze from the pair. Focusing instead on her tightly clenched hands in her lap. The painfully broken sight of her friend had an all most dizzying effect on Isabel, so much so that even she was surprised by her next words.

“I’ll help you.” 

Confused Pam looked up. “W-what?” 

God help me.

“I’ll help you. Date.” Isabel’s hands moved as she explained. “Date guys. Other than Jim.” Pam suddenly began to brighten. “Though I still believe there is hope for you two. I-uh, I get it now.” She added believing it slightly less than just five minutes before. A genuine smile spread across Pam’s face, making it impossible for Isabel to not smile along with her.

“I even have a guy in mind.” God help me.

Pam all but leapt at Isabel wrapping her arms around the other woman. Hugging her within an inch of her life. So beyond grateful for her friend and her hand in helping her move on. Helping put an end to her perpetual heartache. 

A feeling of optimistic hope filled Pam for the first time in a long time. Far more than when she was alone in this process.

She could move on. She would move on. And Isabel would help her.

“Alright, I’m glad you’re happy. Now drink up.” Isabel said, untangling herself from Pam and pushing her half consumed red wine back into her hand. “Because you’re gonna need to be drunk to make it through the rest of tonight.”

The friends shared a laugh before they were hugging again completely losing themselves to their own world, like they had done so many times before. 

Pam readjusted the neckline of her blouse for probably the tenth time in the last two minutes. The plunging crimson fabric showed off much more cleavage and skin than she was typically comfortable with but considering the reason for wearing said shirt, she could – no – would deal with it. Happily, albeit, a little uncomfortably.

After another quick adjustment Pam checked her heavier than normal makeup in her rear view mirror. Her lips gleamed red and her green eyes popped against the smokey eye shadow, while her cheeks shined – dusted in light pink, luminescent blush. All of which she had borrowed from Isabel, the Sunday after the wedding. Who had on top of lending the makeup had shown her how exactly to use each product to its fullest potential.

She owed me. Pam reminded herself as she thought about exactly why Isabel had been so giving. 

The night of the wedding Pam and Isabel had done exactly as she had suggested after watching Jim and Karen sway on the dance floor, drink. A lot. 

By the end of the night both women were dancing wildly together, hands thrown in the air, body’s close, not bothering to match their clumsy moves to whatever police cover happened to be playing. They danced like no one was watching, Pam letting her typically reserved side go for one brief evening, choosing instead to embrace the alcohol induced confidence that flowed through her. 

It was only when Kevin’s monotone voice filled the air encouraging others to join Pam and her girlfriend on the dance floor, did Pam realize, while they may have been dancing like no one was watching. Everyone, was in fact, watching. With rapt attention. The entire office staff along with most of Phyllis and Bob’s relatives. 

Pam quickly untangled from Isabel and drug the woman off the dance floor, past Dwight and Angela’s disapproving gazes, past Roy’s puzzled looks, past Karen’s haughty smirk and past, most painfully, Jim and his confusingly vacant stare. 

So once the pair had sobered up the next day, Isabel had happily offered any favor under the sun to Pam, to make up for being the one to suggest they drink so much. To which Pam quickly cashed in, asking – no insisting, on a quick makeup lesson for the upcoming date with whoever Isabel planned to set her up with. 

With a final smack of her painted lips, Pam turned away from the small mirror, instead focusing on the large front windows of the classy Italian restaurant she was currently parked in front of. 

Isabel must have still felt some serious guilt for the spectacle that she created the weekend before because by Monday evening she had already contacted the guy she had in mind and planned a blind date for he and Pam for Wednesday. The guy, Danny, had apparently been enthusiastic about said date, which helped settle Pam’s nerves somewhat as Isabel shotgun blasted her with information on the upcoming date. Knowledge of the upcoming date also helped Pam get through the following two painful days at work. 

Between the teasing, damning glares and cold shoulders Pam was done. She was a metaphorical well, emotionally run dry. With no more to give. And this date, she hoped, would fill her back up. 

Pam smoothed the front of her shirt on last time as she entered the restaurant, Basilico, and glanced around the dining room. The interior was warm, inviting and intimate. With rich wood paneling and white linen tables topped with small candles. Pam could see why Isabel had made the reservations here. 

It was beautiful and perfect.

“Welcome, to Basilico, my name is Rebecca, how can I help you?” The cheery raven haired hostess asked from behind her wooden stand. A perfect match to the rest of the interior.

“Um yes, reservation for Pam Beesly.” 

With a quick flick of her finger, the petite girl brought the tablet on the stand to life. A lengthy list with names appearing on the lit screen.

“Ah, yes.” She looked up and smiled, “the other member of your party is already seated. If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to your table.” Rebecca finished, promptly turning on her modest heels before heading into the filled dining room. 

Pam followed the woman dutifully, despite the nerves and anxiety that had begun to bubble up with every step. It had been a long time since she had, had a first date. Especially a blind date. The only other one she could speak of was the awful date Kelly had set up with the boring cartoonist. But with that date Pam had at least had a buffer of it being a double date and with Ryan and Kelly. Who could never and would never let a moment of awkward silence invade a moment. 

But now Pam was flying solo and the prospect of that was down right terrifying. 

Thankfully, before Pam could further internalize her feelings of inadequacy they had arrived at the table. 

“Here we are.” Rebecca sweetly told her with another wide smile. It was like she could read Pam’s panicked thoughts and was taking some sort of sick enjoyment from them. Or she was just overly nice, Pam couldn’t tell. 

Pam gave the young woman a weak smile and turned to her table. And her date. 

Who was now standing, ready to greet her, a charming smile spreading across his face.

Oh Isabel. You did good. 

“Pam?” Danny, her date, questioned with a single arching eyebrow. Isabel had given Pam a brief description of Danny Cordray, her date. Mid thirties, white guy, dark hair. 

What she failed to mention was how incredibly gorgeous the man actually was. Subtle grey peppered the hair around his temples and fine lines pulled around his smiling eyes. Giving him a distinct, warm look. He wore a dark blue suit that left little to the imagination, pulling and straining in all the right places around his shoulders and arms, while cutting in at his slim waist. To put it simply he was a ten. And then some.

A fact that had Pam desperately wanting to adjust her top once again. 

Still slightly stunned all Pam could do was nod rigidly. Knowing her mouth couldn’t properly work at the moment. 

“Fantastic. I’m Danny.” He said before coming around the table and pulling out the chair in front of her. 

Like a gentleman. She praised silently and sat down silently. 

“So Pam,” Danny started confidently, “I must say I was fairly surprised when Isabel called me.” 

“O-oh?” Pam stuttered out. Regaining speech.

Danny grinned and Pam felt an immediate warming in her belly. It may not be the all consuming, heart pounding, ache she received when Jim so much as looked her way but it was in no way a bad feeling. In fact it was good, surprising, but good.

“You see, I’ve been asking Isabel for years to set me up with one of her friends, I travel a lot so dating can be difficult. And for years Isabel has turned me down. Saying she had nobody for me.” Danny’s hands moved with flourish as he spoke. His smooth words drawing Pam in more and more. “And then, low and behold she calls me Monday, raving about her friend Pam that I just had to go on a date with.” Pam couldn’t help but grin. 

“And now that you’re here I can unequivocally say that Isabel is a terrible liar and an even worse friend.” The grin that had been steadily growing on Pam’s face, quickly dissipated. Confusion settling in.

Excuse me?

“Because what sort of friend keeps such a beautiful woman hidden away for all these years?” Danny finished after a pause, flashing that charming smile of his again. Which Pam was beginning to speculate had some sort of super powers. If the tingles charging through her veins and blush spreading on her cheeks were any indication.

Pam found herself only able to respond once the red had receded from her cheeks and the sparks has burned out. “Well-uh, that’s not completely Isabel’s fault. I was actually, um – ” Pam cleared her throat and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, “in a…relationship. So she had a valid reason for not revealing my identity before now.” She finished lamely, her voice trailing off, not wanting to elaborate any further. 

Before she had made it into the restaurant and throughly scrutinized herself, Pam had pulled up to the fancy restaurant and once the engine was off had just sat there a moment. Staring into the large windows, trying to pick out which one was Danny from Isabel’s brief description on the phone. It was during that search that she had made a promise of sorts to herself. 

Don’t bring up the past. 

Whether it be Roy, engagements failed and otherwise, office best friends, origami doves, parking lot confessions or new silky haired girlfriends.

The last two she was sure would be easy to avoid, but the rest? She wasn’t so sure. So while she sat there, searching, she made herself promise – to bring up as little about the past as possible. A brief description of Roy and their failed relationship would be necessary, but the rest? Not so much.

This was a new Pam. One that wasn’t hindered by past regrets and miss understandings. This was fancy new Beesly and fancy new Beesly got what she wanted. And right now, she wanted nothing more than to move on. Putting office Olympics, grape soda, rooftop grilled cheese and the pain wrapped around all of those firmly in her past. 

Mustering up her nerve, and faking the rest, Pam rolled back her shoulders and jumped right in. “So Isabel said you were a salesman. Traveling? If I remember correctly.”

Danny nodded and sipped his water. “I am,” a new more smooth grin slide across his face and again Pam could feel the effects of it immediately. “actually, I sell paper for Osprey.”

Choking instantly on the small sip of water she had taken, Pam couldn’t stop the fall of her fancy façade. 

No way.

Danny let out a hearty laugh, his attractive mouth showing off all of his glistening, perfect teeth. “Isabel said you would probably react like that.” 

Pam took a moment to wrap her mind around the fact that she, Pam Beesly, was currently on a date with a paper salesman – and it wasn’t Jim – before she responded. “Wow,” She choked out, grabbing at her own water again. Hoping it would ease the tightness in her throat, after an audible chug. “Y-You sell paper. You. Sell. Paper.” Pam paused, her eyes still wide with disbelief, “I-I don’t think I have ever met anyone outside of my office that sells paper.” 

Danny let loose another laugh at Pam’s astonished reaction. His eyes lighting up along with that sinful smile. “Well now that you have, how do I compare?”

You don’t. Cant. Never could.

She could list the ways that Danny Cordray could and would fall short of a certain salesman. The old Pam Beesly would rattle them off without a second thought. Boasting about all of Jim’s abilities, sales and otherwise. Drowning the poor unsuspecting man in everything he could never be.

But, this wasn’t the old Pam Beesly. 

“Trust me,” green eyes narrowed playfully as her confidence returned, “there’s no comparison.” 

.o.o.o.o.o.o.

“I don’t normally –” Pam’s back pushed further into the interior of her closed front door as Danny’s lips, the ones she had been captivated by all night, cut her off again. Pressing insistently against her own.  

“ – do this, sort of thing.” She finished, as they both came up for air. Panting and out of breath, lips swollen and flushed with blood. Danny smiled coyly, running his tongue across his own swollen lips and his nose playfully against Pam’s. 

“Yeah, me neither.” He said, hot breath mixing with Pam’s. 

She knew it was a lie. But at the moment, with Danny pressing his tailored trim frame against her, one hand under her shirt dangerously flirting with the underside of her lacy bra while the other was planted firmly beside her head on the door, she couldn’t stand to care. 

Pam had, had arguably, one of the best dates of her life. Minus the rooftop date that wasn’t really a date. Of course.

Danny laid on the charm all evening; telling her about his plans to open a bar, restoring his classic car, where he had been during his travels, for work and pleasure. And she had talked at length about her art and possible someday travels. Purposely leaving out any mention of paper and selling it. The oversight of her daily work seemed to give Pam a surge of confidence unknown to her. Making her feel like this completely different person, one who’s life was filled with art, inspiration and fulfillment. 

Not the heartbreak, mediocre water colors, wine and microwave dinners that actually filled it now. 

And Danny soaked it up. At least giving the appearance of being interested and considering where they were now, Pam had no doubt he believed her somewhat. A guy like Danny Cordray wouldn’t have found the real Pam Beesly at all appealing, if anything he probably would have found her boring and probably a bit dorky. 

At some point during the evening she had completely lost herself in this new and arguably better Pam, it was then that she realized she didn’t want this night or the feeling of being desired for the first time in a long time to end. So as the dinner came to a close Pam not so subtly suggested they continue this back at her apartment. 

Which led them to where they were now, panting and heavily pawing at each other against her door. Heat pooled in Pam’s belly and other places, the feeling almost masking any underlining guilt or wrongness she might have still been experiencing.

“So, do I get to see the rest of your apartment or just the front door?” Danny asked, his lips still a breath away from her own. His rich chocolate-colored eyes meeting her own. The implications of his question hung in the air between them.

For a moment old familiar insecurities surfaced. Giving her pause.

Should she do this? Hell, could she do this? Sleep with a man on their first date – while still being very much in love with Jim? A revelation which she had only been able to acknowledge as her truth several months prior. Bringing up Jim in her mind immediately brought up a multitude of other Jim related thoughts. But this time instead of the sweet loving ones she had stored away, these memories were recent and much more painful. Thoughts of evolving and ‘seeing someone’ and blatant brush offs plagued her. Cementing her decision.

I can. And I will.

“Absolutely.” 

Sex with Roy was never bad.

Though the opposite had automatically been assumed the moment she called of their engagement.

“He’s selfish in bed isn’t he? Never taking care of your needs, right? Roy seems like the type.”

But in absolute honesty, he wasn’t. In fact Roy was very good. Always making sure she finished and if it wasn’t before or with him he took the time after. Though it may not have been insanely adventurous sex, usually just the same handful of positions in the same handful of places, it was good, great even. 

So Pam had certain expectations. She knew sex with someone other than Roy would naturally be different, nerves might make the experience awkward and the inherent lack of knowledge of the other partners erogenous zones might cause some fumbling, but it should still in the end be pleasurable. It’s still sex after all. She should still find her ending at least once, maybe even twice, that’s just common bedroom curtesy. Anyone could do that. Right?

Apparently, not. 

“Come on, pick up, pick up, pick up.” Pam chanted, feet bouncing impatiently against freshly cleaned bathroom tile as she sat on her closed toilet lid. Her finger nails clicked nervously against her teeth in the rhythm of her feet; the sound echoed against her tiny bathroom’s walls, as she waited for the phone to stop ringing and be answered.

“H-hello?” 

“Isabel!” Pam practically leapt off her toilet perch when she heard the groggy voice of her best friend.

“…Pam?” Isabel asked, her tone clearly confused as to why her friend was calling her at eleven o’clock at night.

“Oh Isabel, it was terrible! How could you do this to me?! How could you think this was a good idea?!” Pam’s voice pitched to a shrill level, while still somehow maintaining a quiet hush. 

Pam could hear rustling through the speaker while she anxiously awaited for Isabel’s reply. Though slightly less so than when she was waiting for her friend to pick up. “Okay, slow down. What exactly did I do to you?” Isabel questioned. Sounding much more clear and awake than just moments before.

Pam glanced nervously at the closed bathroom door, checking that there was still no light or sound emanating from the room beyond. “Set me up with Danny? How could you, Isabel?”

“Wait…what? Danny’s a total hottie and super charming to boot.”

“Yes, he’s incredibly pretty and terribly charming.” Pam palmed her forehead in frustration. Worry lines were no doubt forming between her furrowed eyebrows at this point. “Which is why this was such a bad idea!” She hissed.

“Alright girl, it’s far to late for you to be speaking in circles like this.” Isabel let out an exhausted sigh. “So what exactly happened? Did the date really go that badly?”

“No! It went amazing, so much so, that it ended with me having sex with him!” Pam hadn’t even made an attempt to lower her voice as she spoke, she could only pray that her slumbering bed mate was a deep sleeper. Or hopefully gone. 

A loud crash could be heard through the phones speaker, followed by a series of muffled, distance curses. Until finally Isabel’s voice filled Pam’s ear again. 

“Sorry about that, I dropped the phone. Geez, I thought I heard you say that you slept with Danny, but that–”

“I did.” Pam said, cutting Isabel off.

Another fall, followed by cursing could be heard again through the phone. This time it had Pam rolling her eyes in exasperation. Isabel did have a rather dramatic side to her.

“YOU SLEPT WITH HIM!”

Head bobbing morosely, “glad to see you’ve caught up.” Pam couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with Isabel. It was never supposed to be like this. Never.

Isabel stuttered briefly before regaining her composure. “I-I can’t believe you slept with him. You…you had sex with Danny Cordray.” Her was incredulous with a tinge of pride. “Well good job SP.” 

Pam grimaced as she heard that ridiculous nickname, she currently couldn’t have been more frustrated with her friend and her teasing wasn't helping at all. “No, no, no, no, no, not good job SP.” Lithe fingers tangled in mussed curls, “bad, SP. So terribly, unbelievably, horribly bad!” 

Isabel let out a laugh at Pam’s expense that only made her more irate, “oh come on Pam it’s really not that big of a deal sleeping with a guy on the first date. Like people do it all–”

“No, God I’m not talking about that!” 

“…then what are you talking about?”  

“The sex, Isabel! The. sex. was. awful!” Pam let out a groan as images from the evening flooded her mind in a nauseating rush. The evening had started off so promising, the heavy kissing and touching had lit a fire in Pam that had of lately been extremely dormant. They quickly made it into Pam’s bedroom, discarding pieces of clothing along the way, in a frenzied sort of rush, until they both stood kissing, naked, next to her bed. Pam was sure this would be it. The key to her moving on completely from one, Jim Halpert. While her feelings of love may linger, probably forever, this would prove within a shadow of a doubt that she could at least move on physically with another man. 

That is, until the back of her knees hit her mattress.

“…and then like a minute and a half later he was done. Done! Izzie, my feet were practically still on the carpet. He just rolled off of me, threw away the condom, climbed under the covers and went to sleep.”

“Whoa.”

“Oh wait, I think he may have thrown in a ‘that was amazing’ somewhere but yeah, literally no touching or anything. Just wham bam, thank you ma’am!” Pam curled in on herself, her forehead practically touching her knees as she regaled her friend with her tale of woe.

“Whoa.” Isabel repeated.

“Exactly, and it’s all your fault." She told her Petulantly. "How could you set me up with such a pretty guy who sucks so bad in bed? Huh? Did I make you mad recently or something?” While Pam knew realistically that Danny’s ineptness in bed had nothing to do with Isabel, she couldn’t help but feel her friend had to have know somewhat of Danny’s shortcomings. Maybe not by first-hand experience, since she was exclusive with women, but she had to have heard rumors or something in all the years of knowing Danny. She had to of known!

“Okay, first off, I have sex with women, not guys, so me knowing how good Danny is in the bedroom is virtually impossible.” Isabel told her in a matter of fact manner. 

Pam unfurled herself slightly as her friends words sunk in. Her anger dissipating in a steady trickle. 

“Secondly, I’m not a dude so he and I don’t talk about banging chicks at the bar. To be perfectly honest, all I knew about his love life is that he likes women and he dates a lot, no long term relationships. Which I thought was because he traveled so much not because women run away screaming after getting him in the sack.” 

Pam let out a weak sigh, the anger completely gone now. Leaving in its wake ashy coals, that did nothing to hold back the chill of regret that was beginning to take their place.

“So wait, if Danny is passed out in your bed…where are you exactly?” 

“The bathroom,” Pam paused, “I-uh, I came in here right after it happened. Said I had to freshen up.” She had felt a tinge of guilt lying to Danny as she practically ran from the bedroom but not enough to stop her from doing so. And especially not enough to not call up her friend and chew her out immediately afterwards.

“Does that mean…are you still naked?” Isabel asked. The question drew Pam’s eyes south, to where her naked flesh stared damningly back at her. She immediately crossed her open legs, and slung an arm over her chest, self consciously . Contorting herself in a pretzel fashion, trying to hid all her exposed ‘bits.’ Not that it mattered, as she sat alone in the bathroom with no one to see her.

“Maybe.” 

“Oh Pam, what am I going to do with you?” Isabel teased, adding a small laugh at Pam’s expense. 

“I don’t know Izzie.” Shame began to prickle under Pam’s skin as she realized the gravity of the situation she had put herself in. She had been so dead set on moving on, pushing down her heartache and pain that she had gone to bed with an almost stranger. Albeit an incredibly handsome almost stranger. Which in the process giving him the indelible spot as her number two. 

A spot she would have much rather have had filled by another name. 

“Okay here’s what you’re going to do.” 

This was what Pam liked about Isabel, her un-wavering decisiveness. When Pam lacked it, and she lacked it a lot, Isabel’s kicked in. Whether it was fate, God or whatever the two women complemented each other in an almost otherworldly manner. When Pam lacked courage, Isabel was there to be her lion, fighting on her behalf. And when everyone turned their backs on Isabel, Pam in her unwavering loyalty stood proudly by her friend. 

“You’re going to go back out there, put on some damn pajamas, get into bed and go to sleep. Sex with Danny sucked, but you can’t hide from him. Especially naked and trapped in the bathroom.” She made a valid point, one Pam couldn’t contend with. 

Pam paused, casting a quick glance in the large mounted mirror across from her. Which was surprisingly the first time since entering the bathroom. With wide eyes she took in how disheveled she truly looked. Lipstick kissed away, hair sticking in several directions, her body completely nude. All in all she looked like a mess. And it was then that she knew whether she liked it or not she needed to follow Isabel’s instructions, because clearly her current line of decision making wasn’t going well. 

Turning away from her image she answered Isabel with a quick “fine.” Drawling out the word in a childish manner as she stood up from her toilet. Tingles ran through Pam’s legs and into her now numb toes as the blood began circulating properly again. She really hadn’t noticed how long she had been sitting there. 

Pam said a quick goodbye to Isabel, who was currently yawning loudly into the speaker, and flipped her phone shut. She stood in the middle of her pathetic excuse for a master bath for another minute or so, clutching her phone to her bare breast like a shield, staring at the closed door. The bite of the cold tile under foot now fully there, as her circulation completely returned. 

With Isabel’s words running like a mantra through her mind, Pam finally felt just about strong enough to leave the her bathroom sanctuary. 

You’re going to go back out there, put on some damn pajamas, get into bed and go to sleep. You can’t hide from him…You can’t hide from him. You can’t hide. 

You. can’t. hide.

Pam paused as the mantra morphed into the simple three letter phrase. The significance of which wasn’t lost upon her.

You can’t hide.

You can’t hide from Danny, Pam.

You can’t hide from Roy, or Karen, Pam.

You can’t hide from your mistakes or feelings, Pam.

You can’t hide from Ji-

“No.” Pam palmed the rouge tear that made a path down her cheek. She couldn’t do this here, stripped bare, on cold tile, drenched in crappy incandescent light, with Danny outside the door. Squaring her shoulders in resolve, Pam locked away her pain, again, and grabbed the bathroom door handle. Twisting it open as she entered her darkened bedroom without preamble or hesitation.

After all there was a naked man in her bed waiting for her. 

“You really didn’t have to do this.” Pam shifted uneasily in her seat, purse clutched in her lap as she cast glances out the window at the quickly passing scenery. 

Danny slid the hand gripping his cars gear shift over towards her. His touch wholeheartedly unwelcome as he gripped her thigh with a squeeze. “There was no way I was letting you call that cab,” he told her with a smile. “Dropping you off at work was the least I could do. Especially since I was heading this way anyways.”

Pam gave him a pathetic smile and an uneasy laugh before the car filled again with silence. 

She had tried desperately to get her bed mate to make a quick and painless exit this morning. Giving him every excuse in the book to get him out of her apartment and out of her life, but unfortunately for Pam, Danny is a gentleman in every area; except the bedroom. 

So instead of just leaving with a promise to call, he stayed, insisting on making her breakfast and taking her to work. Instead of her calling a cab, since her car was still back at the restaurant they had eaten at. 

Like all of that was going to make up for the terrible sex from the night before. Yeah right. 

“If you want I can pick up your car for you. I could just leave my car at your work and walk–”

“No!” She practically shouted, causing Danny to stop immediately and give her a strange look.

“I-I mean, it’s-uh only a few blocks from my work. I’ll-uh just walk there during my lunch break and pick it up.” A small smile pulled at her lips and she hoped it looked convincing enough. “Anyways you’ve already done plenty.”

A squeeze to her thigh, accompanied by a charming smile was his only response to her reasoning before the car fell back into silence for the rest of the ride. 

“You can just drop me off outside the gates.” Pam told him as his car approached Dunder Mifflin’s bush lined parking lot. “It-uh gets kinda tight in there in the mornings. So probably just easier to, yeah, drop me off here.” She made an obscure hand gesture towards the ample parking lining the main street but Danny either didn’t hear, see or care because with out a single word he was pulling into the Scranton Business Park, parking lot and straight towards the front door.

Or not. She lamented as his car came to a complete stop.

Looking around quickly Pam surveyed the parking lot, trying to locate which coworkers were and weren’t at work yet. She noted that the usual early risers cars were already there: Dwight, Angela, Toby and Oscar. Along with two she didn’t expect to see; Karen and Jim’s. Not that it was that surprising to see them already at work, what was surprising was they had not carpooled together, choosing instead to arrive separately at work. Something that had been rarely seen in the last month or so, much to Pam’s displeasure.

“So, thanks for the ride.” Pam struggled with what more to say, “I’ll uh…call you later.” It sounded more like a question than it was meant to be but considering she had no practice with this whole day after, drive of shame thing, it was the best she could do. 

“It was my pleasure Pam,” Danny answered with a purr. And before she could even anticipate Danny’s next move, he struck. Leaning across the space between them and planting a sloppy kiss right on her mouth. 

Before he could take it any further than a messy peck, Pam pulled away quickly. Her breath heavy and panting, which she was sure Danny took a positive sign and not that she was scared to death one of her coworkers had just seen them.

Pam cleared her throat and gave him an awkward nod as she spilled out of the car, her feet stumbling on the asphalt as she checked again for anyone that might have seen them.

She sent up a quick prayer at seeing the parking lot and overlooking window still empty and made her way inside. Not bothering to cast a look back at her bedmate. In her opinion, Danny Corday, with his charming smile and terrible bedroom techniques was already turning into a distant memory.

.o.o.o.o.o.o.

The rest of the morning went exponentially better than the way it begun. But even that wasn’t saying much considering the dismal way it started. 

The phone had been ringing steadily, keeping Pam and the rest of her coworkers busy. Michael’s usual antics had been put on hold as he did actual work, the sales staff rarely left their desks, phones pressed to their ears, fingers clicking away on the subpar computers Dunder Mifflin provided. 

The busy work was a blessing and curse in Pam’s opinion. On one hand it kept her mind off of the now completely non existent relationship she had with the man only a few feet from her. 

But on the other hand since she and Jim did have little to no contact now, she relished the few brief moments when she could stare unabashed at the back of his neck or secretly catch his profile. Watch his long glances at the cameras followed by his infamous smirks and shrugs, though those seemed to be few and far between lately. 

“I’ll transfer you right away.” Pam told the new potential client before transferring them to the next sales person on the list, Karen. Of course. Pam set the phone down a bit more forcibly than normal and let out a breath she swore she had been holding all morning. 

The creaking sound of the front door opening drew Pam out of her thoughts of new girlfriends and back of necks, only to immediately regret looking toward the dismal office entrance.

Because there, striding into the office, a winning smile on his face, was none other than Danny Cordray himself.

The ghost of one night stands past.

Pam squeaked an ‘oh God’ under her breath just as Danny reached her desk. The smile only growing as he got to the cheap Formica surface, a clear sign he hadn’t heard her. 

“H-hey Danny,” Pam stammered, her mind going at a breakneck pace, as she tried to come up with any reason for him being here, now. “Uh-wha, what are you doing here?” She tried to keep her voice low, in hopes that the mind numbing sales calls and clicking of keyboards would drowned out anything said between them.

Danny smirked and leaned casually against her desk. Plucking a jelly bean. “Well it’s almost lunch time and I was between meetings so I thought I could take you to get your car. Then maybe get some lunch?” His tone hinted he wanted much more than just ‘lunch.’ He probably already had a location picked out where he planned to have sex with her. More than likely his car. he seemed like the type.

Couldn’t be any worse than last night. She thought before dismissing the thought entirely. No, it probably could get worse. And she was almost positive Mr. Handsome would prove her right.

Pam could see the window to get Danny out of the office unnoticed by her coworkers closing rapidly. Someone would eventually pull themselves out of their work induced haze and look her way. And finally catch sight of the beautiful stranger leaning against her desk. But, before she could put her loosely put together escape a voice rang out, effectively cutting off all her plans. 

“Oh, why hellloooo. And who might this be?” Several heads swiveled and popped up like prairie dogs on the alert for enemies trying to invade their dens. 

Without skipping a beat Danny extended a cordial hand to Michael. “Danny Cordray. And you must be M – ”

“Spy! SPY!” Dwight shouted suddenly, standing at his desk and pointing an accusatory finger in Danny’s direction. Now there was no doubt in Pam’s mind that everyone in the office had their eyes glued to the reception area. The them. To her. Great. 

Unfortunately for Danny, and Pam, Dwight was far from done.

“Danny Cordray of Osprey Paper.” From some unseen location under his desk, Dwight pulled a large canister of pepper spray. Pointing it directly at Danny, who in turn threw his hands up in a surrender motion. A terrified look crossing his face. “Competitor and mortal enemy of Dunder Mifflin, state your business here or prepare – ”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, I-I’m just here to see Pam! T-to take her to lunch. No spying, I swear.” For the first time since Pam had the pleasure of knowing Danny Cordray she heard his voice falter from its usual slick coolness. If the line of questioning had been a bit different she might have taken a smidge of pleasure in it. But considering the context of the conversation and how everyone in the office was now looking at her, including Jim, she couldn’t even began to enjoy this. This moment was nothing short of mortifying. And from the looks of it, it would only get worse. 

Without flinching Dwight rotated his vision to Pam, pepper spray still firmly pointed on Danny. “Is what he says true Pam? Are you going to lunch with the enemy?”

Pam let out a sigh. The jig was up, might as well start damage control. “Yes. I’m-uh going to lunch with Danny.” Some where towards the back Meredith gave a whooping “you go girl” which left Pam gritting her teeth. “So…put down the pepper spray, please Dwight.” Dwight took a moment to contemplate her words before lowering the can and giving her a stiff nod.

“He doesn’t go past the reception area.” His tone was clipped left no room for argument.

Pam nodded and turned away from Dwight’s unyielding gaze and the rest of the her coworkers curious gazes and set the phones to voicemail. “Alright, let go.” She put on the fakest smile she could muster and grabbed her purse and jacket. Walking around her desk without preamble, before grabbing his arm and practically dragging a still stunned Danny Cordray out of the office and her own personal Hell.

.o.o.o.o.o.o.

As it turned out, lunch plans quickly dissolved between the two due to Danny’s still shell shocked state, his stuttered apology and quick exit after driving Pam to her car left her running through a drive-thru and sitting alone in her car for the rest of her lunch hour. She wished she could say she was upset about it but honestly, the thirty five minutes alone, eating a burger and sketching silently, had some what renewed her spirit. Was she still dreading going back to work? Yes. But at least now she could go in with a bit of a lower blood pressure and Danny Cordray no where in sight. 

Pam arrived back five minutes before her lunch hour was over and to her surprise and mortification she found a small crowd, including; Kelly, Meredith, Michael and Dwight, hovering around her desk like predators circling wounded prey.

Stiffening her spine and tightening her face in a way that she was sure Angela would approve of, she strode toward her desk. Armor in place and ready for attack.

Kelly was, of course, the first to strike. 

“Oh my God Pam! He is soooo hot! Like Brad Pitt hot.” She squealed, hands clasped at her heart. “Your babies are going to be sooo pretty, especially if they look like him.” She continued to gush leaving Pam to roll her eyes and make her way to her seat. Her armor was dinged but hanging on.

Meredith hit next.

“Tell me you took that stallion for ride.” Her dress covered hips gyrated lewdly as she asked. Pam’s protective layer barely withstood that hit. It’s ends beginning to fray and fall apart just like her patience.

Not giving Pam a second to answer Dwight shoved Meredith’s still thrusting form to the side, to stand directly in front of Pam. A stern look on his face.

“And post coitus did you happen to tell him any pertinent information about our business practices or clients?” Dwight paused and moved closer, his eyes narrowing. “This is very important Pam– ” 

“Enough!” Pam slammed her hands onto the desk in front of her in a very un-Pam Beesley sort of way. Her mental armor completely shed now. Leaving her vulnerable and bare against their attacks. 

“My personal life is just that, personal. So just…just butt out!” While not the most dignified or well worded response it seemed to prove effective. The small group at her desk and the rest of the office growing painfully silent. Unable to take the silence or stares anymore, Pam roughly pushed in her chair and made her way towards the kitchen. The blinds swished angrily as she slammed the door behind her. 

She tried to remember a time where she had been so mad at work. Yeah there had been the time Roy had gone on and on about how hot Katy was, or that time when Jim had complained to Toby about her wedding plans but this, having her personal life splayed open for all to see and judge. No, there was no moment that made her more furious than right now. Or more mortified. 

The days following her canceled wedding weren’t even as terrible as this moment.

The sound of the kitchen door opening interrupted Pam negative thoughts and m her attention in its direction. Only to wish she hadn’t immediately afterwards. 

Hands in his pockets and eyes cast down, Jim hesitantly crossed the kitchen towards the empty round table in the corner. Leaning against casually as he opened a granola bar from his pocket, in an obvious sort of way that said ‘I came in here solely to talk to you but I’m going to act like I didn’t.’ The implications of which she wasn't really ready to unfold.

Realizing she would have to be the first to speak, or continue in the stifling silence currently surrounding them. Pam decided to go with an easy, no fail ice breaker. Humor.

“Crazy day, huh?” Jim bobbed his head, chewing before swallowing loudly.

“Yeah. So, Danny Cordray…” Pam’s grip tightened on the cheap Formica counter as he let the heavily loaded statement float between them.

Pam cleared her throat, hoping the invisible grip that seemed to take hold on it would somewhat loosen. Unfortunately, it didn’t. “yeah, um that’s…that’s uh completely over now. Especially after Dwight and his pepper spray interrogation.” Her joke fell flat, she knew that, but she hoped Jim would be able to read past her lame attempt at humor and hear the true meaning behind her words.

It’s over between us and not because of Dwight, but because I didn’t want him. I don’t want anyone, but you. 

Jim paused seemingly digesting her words. Or at least that’s what Pam, assumed from the tiny glances she kept stealing at him from the corner of her eye. 

He nodded again, an unreadable expression on his face. “Hmm, well that’s too bad. You two seemed to have a strong connection.” And with that he left the tiny kitchen, throwing his granola wrapper away as he went. Leaving Pam to drowned alone in the wake of his devastating dismissal. 

Five o’clock seemed to rush up on the office and it’s inhabitants after all the excitement from earlier in the day. One by one Pam’s coworkers left; all tentatively grabbing their coats before quickly skirting past the front desk and leaving the office, not a single one brave enough to look in Pam’s direction. Even Karen, with her critical looks didn’t test the waters of Pam’s current mood. 

And oh, what a mood it was. 

Since the conversation in the kitchen with Jim, Pam had been damn near silent. Not even bothering with with her obligatory phone greeting, ‘Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam’, instead opting for just a clipped ‘Dunder Mifflin.’ What little disconnected warmth that usually filled her voice was completely gone. On top of that her piercing gaze never left an empty spot on her desk, even when answering the phone. Her stare stayed steady and empty and unmoving. 

The fury was practically palpable around her. 

Jim was the last to leave due to a late phone call with a client. As he gathered up his suit jacket and satchel from his chair back silently he clearly intended to avoid Pam’s desk just like all the others. But what Jim didn’t know was that Pam wasn’t going to let him off that easy. 

“I called off my wedding because of you.”

Jim came to immediate halt a few steps past her desk but didn’t turn around. “There were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn’t care about any of those reasons until I met you….And I should have told you that a long, long time ago.”

Pam’s gaze finally flicked up from her desk, taking in the back of Jim’s neck. More tense than normal she noted. Not deterred, Pam continued. 

“And now you’re with Karen, and that’s…that’s not the point,” Pam felt her steel resolve start to falter. And the speech she had so carefully crafted over the last few hours began to fall apart. 

Taking a deep breath, Pam refocused her thoughts, hopefully enough to get out the next part, “The point is, we’re not even friends anymore, Jim. And that…sucks.” Tears began to cloud Pam’s vision, filling her eyes as she continued to stare directly at Jim’s now slowly hunching back. 

“I-I guess, what I really want to know is…why?” 

Jim flinched almost unnoticeably but it was still there. She could always tell, despite how much he tried to hide it from her as of recently. As she waited for a response, any response, Pam couldn’t help but try to imagine what he was going to say. Would he come at her with passive aggressive anger like earlier? Would he finally see her for who she is now; the women who loves him and is dying inside watching him be with another? Or would he just ignore her confession and continue down the tortured path they had been following as of late.

After what felt like an eternity she got his answer. His voice was distant as she received an answer she couldn’t have ever anticipated. But maybe she should have. 

“Because…I cant.” And before she could even fully process his words he was gone. 

.o.o.o.o.o.o.

Pam didn’t make it into work the next day; her over indulgence of alcohol the night before keeping her practically comatose until early afternoon. Thankfully, she had, had the wherewithal the prior night, before she was too far gone, to call out sick to work; blaming it on womanly problems. A sure fire excuse she knew Michael would never check up on. 

Upon waking Pam expected the mind numbing hangover pulsing through her brain and body. The steady pain making every sound amplified to a painful decibel, every light blinding and every movement excruciating. But what she didn’t expect was to wake up more clear of mind than she had been for a long time. 

It’s like she had woken up a new person. 

Born of booze and heartbreak, she was a new Pam.

One that was stronger, truly stronger. She had walked through the fires of humiliation and heartbreak yesterday. Her coworkers and Jim making sure of it. She had resolved to move on before today but it wasn’t until this very moment, lying in her bed, staring at her ceiling and feeling like death, that she felt she actually could. Jim’s final cruel dismissal yesterday had promised that. He did not love her anymore and they weren’t even friends and it wasn’t fair of her to think they could be friends again or anything more after her ultimately just as cruel and painful dismissal last May. 

She saw that now. She saw the reality of what they were. And what they would never be.

So as she got up, took her shower, washed away the booze from her pores, ate some sodium laced noodles, she realized…she felt okay. She had mourned the loss of what could have been with Jim and now she was ready to live her life. She would never forget the love she felt for him, still felt for him. That would be impossible. But she accepted it would never be. 

And that was okay.

It would be okay to live in a world that didn’t revolve around him loving her; and vice versa. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bright or wonderful as the small taste she received that May night, but it would good. And most importantly it would be done her way. 

“Have a good night Pam.” Her classmate Stephanie told her, stopping, as they reached Stephanie’s car. 

“You too, Steph!” She called back, heading toward her own tiny blue vehicle in the mostly empty parking lot. Her arms full with a few old completed art projects, along with the material for her upcoming art show she decided to take home and rework. A decision she made half-way through class, as she stared at the plain watercolors feeling utterly uninspired by the pictures. The phrase ‘motel art’ bouncing around her brain like a grenade as she took in the art with a new more critical eye. 

Apparently new and improved Pam has a different taste in artwork.  

While struggling with the arm load of art she was currently trying to put in her trunk, Pam failed to notice the person coming up behind her until the sound of his voice asking if she needed help pulled a scream out of her and almost sent her arm load of art flying into the air. 

“Oh God, I’m so sorry!” The unidentified man apologized as he held his hands out in front of him. Possibly to catch either Pam or her precariously held artwork. 

Pam shook her head and calmed her breathing. “N-no it’s fine. You…you just startled me that’s all.” 

A sheepish look crossed the still unidentified man’s face and Pam couldn’t help by smile at it. “That was definitely not my intention. I just wanted to see if you needed a hand.” He nodded to her full arms, “So, do you need some help?” Pam paused before giving him a grateful nod, to which he acted quickly. Opening her trunk and taking a few pieces carefully from her arms. 

“I’m Patrick by the way.” He told her, as they placed he last of the artwork in her surprisingly roomy trunk. 

“Pam.” She said while giving him a proper once over now that her hands were free. He stood much taller than her, probably 6’3 or so, around Jim’s height she noted immediately. Thankfully though, that’s where the physical similarities between the two men ended. Instead of adorable shaggy brown hair, Patrick sported a clean short cut of ashy blonde hair and instead of hazel, his eyes shined bright blue, even in the fading light. He also seemed to be much more muscular than Jim appeared to be. Where Jim seemed to have more of a swimmers body, all arms and legs and lean muscles, Patrick’s biceps bulged pleasingly against his shirt, along with his chest and shoulders. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you Pam. So, not to be presumptuous but I take it you’re an artist?” He gestured toward the still open trunk, his voice sounding genuine and interested. 

Pam blushed, “Oh, no…well not quiet. I’m a receptionist, but I love art and creating it. So,” she paused and turned toward her art before meeting Patrick’s eyes again, “I take art classes. Probably won’t do anything with them but it’s…fun.” She shrugged. All her earlier shock now completely gone as she fell into easy conversation with the stranger. 

“That’s really neat. Good for you for following your passion.” He told her with a smile. She was beginning to like this guy. 

“So I know you weren’t in my art class. And the only other two classes at this time are an interpretive dance class and a bread making for beginners course.” She paused, biting her lip as she tried to suppress her smirk at his look of surprise. New Pam clearly could dish it out far better than her predecessor.  “So which one are you taking?” She finished nonchalantly. Her hand naturally finding its way to her small charm necklace as she did. Though, unlike in the past she wasn’t using the small gold horse to nervously worry on. It was now moving through her fingers in a flirty confident way. 

Patrick let out a chuckle and shook his head. His eyes lingering only a second in the necklace. “Hate to burst your bubble but it’s neither, I was actually teaching a class.” This peeked Pam’s interest, her hand stopping as it did.  

“Oh?” 

“Yeah, you forgot the CPR certification class held here once a month. I teach it.” He said proudly and a bit smugly. Having caught her up in her own line of questioning. 

“Wow, that’s so cool.” Pushing a piece of her bangs behind her ear, Pam leaned slightly against her car. “So what do you do the rest of the month. You know, when you’re not saving lives, teaching people CPR?” Suddenly Pam was very happy she had chosen to stubbornly carry out all her work and not accept Stephanie’s help when it was offered. If not, her evening would have been far less interesting and far less eye candy. 

“I’m a firefighter.” 

The old Pam would have stuttered and blushed awkwardly at such a blunt revelation, realizing she had unintentionally put her foot in her mouth, badly, but not new Pam. Only hours old, new more confident Pam playfully shot back at the new, rather intriguing knowledge.   

“Oh so, you just saves lives the rest of the month too. Overachiever much?” Patrick broke into a full toothed grin, and Pam couldn’t help but grin back, thrilled in the feeling it elicited in her. A warm tingle steadily spreading through her veins. 

“Maybe a little. But to be fair it’s usually just a lot of sitting around and the CPR classes mainly consist of fifteen year old babysitters.” The pair shared a laugh before falling back into silence. The college parking lot now completely empty, other than Pam’s blue Yaris and what she assumed was Patrick’s red truck parked two rows over. 

Patrick cleared his throat and nervously scratched the back of his neck. An action that Pam found all to endearing. “So um...this might be a bit forward but would you like to maybe, possibly…go get a drink somewhere? That is if you don’t have other plans tonight.” He finished, pointing to Pam’s still open trunk and the artwork inside. 

The butterflies in Pam’s stomach beat their wings at a subdued pace as she contemplated Patrick’s invitation. It wasn’t the nervous flutter like with Danny. Or the thunderous rate she was used to with Jim but that was okay. Because those butterflies beat their wings in hope of an impossible dream. These butterflies were calm and soothing, they could see the reality right in front of her. A handsome man, who was funny and interesting and who above all seemed to be interested in her. 
And that was okay.

“I…would love to.” 

Jim turned off his Saab’s engine but didn’t move immediately from its comfortable supple leather seats. He found himself doing this a lot lately, soaking up the silence in his car. Letting his weary mind and body have a brief break, before leaving it’s safety and serenity and entering the torrent of emotional distress that only happened only outside of the aluminum shell. 

Unfortunately for Jim, even his shiny new foreign vehicle couldn’t save him today. Because today, the cause of his problems wasn’t outside his car, sitting at a reception desk or in a new apartment a block away from his own that felt far to close. No, today it was right here, in his very own safe haven. 

He was the problem now. 

Ever since admitting to Karen that he still had feelings for Pam, Jim felt like he was walking a wobbling tightrope in his relationship, the metaphorical thin cable oscillating left and right as he tried his damndest to stay up right and keep his relationship going. Keep it alive.

But he just couldn’t help himself. They had-had so much fun pranking Andy and ultimately ‘breaking his brain’. And she had looked so adorable in her sombrero with that smile. It was the first time in months that he felt like himself and not a shell of a man that he currently was. Worse than even before he left for Stamford. 

So when Karen asked point blank how he felt, he knew he couldn’t lie. And he didn’t. And he paid for it. With five extremely long nights of Karen talking in circles and him giving half assed reassurances to keep her from dumping his sorry ass. 

Because despite starting off as a rebound he had really come to like Karen. A lot. She was intelligent, clearly way smarter than he was. Incredibly beautiful, not his usual type, though he had quickly learned to appreciate her silky dark hair and athletic frame; especially when they were alone. When it was just the two of them she would soften her tough exterior, and act more like the girl that had caught his interest hunting for a bag of chips, and he would act more like the guy who encouraged her to move several states for a brand new relationship. 

And when they both lay panting and stated in each other’s arms, the rush of endorphins flooding their bodies he would find himself somewhat at peace. More than he had in months. He knew it was only temporary but it was always just enough to lull him to a dreamless sleep, Karen curled in his arms like a security blanket keeping away the nightmares filled with parking lots, ‘i can’t’, and jerk fiancés.

Which was another reason why he joked so blatantly about a love connection between Pam and the Ben Franklin impersonator and had been the perfect doting boyfriend to Karen. Because he couldn’t screw this up. He couldn’t go back to being single and defenseless, not when Pam was single now too and still not wanting him. 

He would never survive it. 

So he pushed on and played it aloof and distant when it came to all things Pam related. Keeping up the diligent boyfriend role all the while.

That is, until he came through the door. 

Danny freaking Cordray.

Oh, Jim knew who Danny Cordray was, how could he not know of the prodigal salesman. He just never had - had the pleasure of meeting him, but he had heard enough stories and had enough accounts leave him to know about the handsome paper salesman that could sweet talk any client out from under them. Even clients that had been with them for years easily fell victim to his charm. Leaving Dunder Mifflin without a second glance and leaving Jim and his fellow sales team out of a commission. 

So yeah, he knew him, but he never truly hated the man. Until now. 

Despite what Pam or any of their other coworkers – especially Karen – thought, Jim could tell what was happening behind him fairly well everyday. Between his sixth sense for all things concerning Pam and the strategically placed picture frame, that when looked at just right reflected almost as clearly as a mirror what was going on at reception, he was set. So, when he heard the door open and the soft almost unnoticeable exclamation out of Pam, Jim immediately glanced to the picture. Only to find a sight that almost had him leaping up from his desk in a way a man no longer ‘in love’ with a women would do. 

Danny freaking Cordray. 

Leaning against Pam’s desk in a far to familiar way for Jim’s liking. In a way almost identical to the hundreds of times he himself had leaned against her desk. 
The situation quickly dissolved after that. Danny was marked as a spy. The majority of the office practically fell at his feet in love with him. Pam and Danny had evidently gone on a date together.

And oh…they more than likely, probably, most definitely, had sex.

After that painful tidbit of information was blasted across the office for all to hear, Jim had stopped listening. Not because he didn’t want to hear more, but because the sound of the blood rushing through his ears had drowned out any and all noise. 

He then sat the rest of the afternoon, stewing in his anger, hurt and wild imagination. All of which made for a terrible combination. Unfortunately, that ultimately left him acting out in ways that he wouldn’t normally ever do. Because Jim Halpert was the nice guy. He was more certainly not the asshole, until today.

All of his actions towards Pam from the merger until the close of business that day had been driven by two things: his stupid unyielding love for her and self preservation. Every stunted emotional response, every avoidance, starting a new relationship, continuing said relationship, everything. 

Until now. 

Now, he was being driven by a much more poisonous emotion. Anger. 

So when Pam’s crystal clear voice cut threw his escape out of the office, he found himself not able to harness any of his love or previous restraint. Instead, only able to pull from the anger and hurt that seemed to be bubbling just beneath his skin. 

And boy did he regret it now. 

“Stupid, asshole.” Jim told himself as he bumped his head into the seats headrest, again. Failing to notice his friend who had just exited his garage and had crossed the short distance to Jim’s car.

“Well I could have told you that.” Mark said. Pulling Jim out of his negative thoughts and back to reality. 

Quickly Jim unbuckled his seat belt and got out of his Saab. Attempting to play off what his friend had just witnessed as a non-event. “Oh, hey man. I figured I’d get here early to help with the set up.”

Mark eyed him suspiciously and nodded. “Sure you were, Halpert.” Mark paused and grinned. “But I do need the help, so you can tell me all about why you were trying to render yourself unconscious while we set up the poker table.” And without waiting for any sort of response Mark turned back to their formally shared apartment and headed inside. Jim slowly bringing up the rear shortly after.

.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.

“So you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

Jim looked up from the beer he had just opened and cocked an eyebrow. “What makes you think something’s wrong?” He asked taking a short swing before leaning against the kitchen counter. They had just finished setting up the poker game and decided to reward themselves for a job well done with a few beers.

Mark mimicked his stance and opened his own beer. “Well, I found you in my driveway beating your head against your seat’s headrest. And since you’ve come inside about-” Mark took a glance at his wrist watch, “-fifteen minutes ago, you haven’t said a word. So what’s going on? Trouble in paradise with…what was her name again? Kristin?” 

Jim rolled his eyes and took another swig. “It’s Karen. And no…well kinda but this isn’t about her, mostly.” Jim answered ambiguously leaving Mark more confused than when he started.

“Ooookay. Then what is all this about?” Mark asked gesturing towards Jim. “Because, I’m fairly well versed on sad Jim and you’re emitting some seriously sad Jim vibes at the moment.” 

Jim sighed and took yet another drink from his beer. Knowing a little liquid courage in his belly would make anything he was about to say come out a hell of a lot easier.  

“I-uh, I talked to Pam.” Mark’s eyebrows rose, knowing full and well the long and drawn out tragic non-love story that was Jim and Pam. Being Jim’s former roommate and best friend had its perks and drawbacks. Jim was sure the many, usually intoxicated, rants Mark had been subjected to would probably be listed in the later column.

“Anyways, we talked after work a couple of days ago, well more like she talked and I…I was an ass.” Now he had Marks full attention, his friend sitting his beer down before staring at Jim with an openly surprised gaze. 

“You were an ass to Pam? Like Pam-Pam?” Jim nodded begrudgingly and Mark whistled.”I didn’t think you had the capacity to be an ass to her.” 

“Me either. But apparently I’m pretty damn good at it.” Jim let out a pained sigh dropping his head as he heard Pam’s broken voice in his head, again. It had been playing on a loop since the incident. Like sick torture. 

“Alright you’re going to have to give me some more details. So spill.” Mark told him and Jim easily complied. Retelling the whole excruciating conversation and the horrible day that had led up to it. All of which Jim wished he could forget or be wiped from the records of time.

Mark stared unabashedly at Jim as he finished. His eyes almost unblinking and his mouth dropped slightly.

“So she…and you…you…JIM, you idiot!”

Jim nodded slowly, sadly following along perfectly with what his friend was yelling at him. “I-I know. I was a total ass and–”

“No, no, no, no,” Mark shook his head vehemently, “not that. Obviously, yes, you were an ass but, geez man, how is it possible that after the woman you have loved for years finally tells you she’s in love with you, that you do anything other kiss the Hell out of her? And then spend the next forty eight hours in bed together?!” Mark drug his hands through his hair in exasperation before taking a long swig of his beer. He couldn’t believe his friend. Jim had to be one of smoothest talking, smartest guys he knew. Which is what made him such a stellar sales man, he could sell a scuba gear to a man in the desert if you gave him enough time. But when it came to Pam Beesly all that charm and intelligence seemed to depart from his body. Leaving him a bumbling, lovestruck mess. 

And now, more recently, a bonafide asshole.

Jim stood stock still, completely taken aback by his friends reaction. He expected a verbal thrashing for how crass Jim had been to Pam. In a weird way he wanted it. As a way to hopefully absolve him of some of the guilt that was slowly taking him over.

But what he had not expected was Mark to be less interested in what he said but in what he didn’t say. Or do in this case.

“Wait, what?” Jim asked genuinely confused. “When exactly did Pam say she loved me anywhere in that story? Was it before or after she apparently screwed Danny Cordray?” He knew it was a snarky, low blow comment but, well, Pam wasn’t here and the wound still felt to fresh for Jim not to say it. So he did. 

Mark’s eyes bulged. “Are you kidding me?! She told you she called off her wedding for you. Her wedding bro. What else could it mean?” 

Jim shook his head in defiance, because there was no way, no way, what Mark was saying was true. All the evidence pointed to the opposite. “No, she said she called it off because of me…not for me. Completely different, man.” Mark let out a scoff and turned his back on Jim. Opting to get another beer from the fridge instead of boxing his friend’s ear for how stupid and stubborn he was currently being. 

“Look Jim, I’ve been an unwilling spectator to this whole, ‘Will They, Won’t They; The Pam and Jim Story’, so I’m painfully aware about how both of you like to talk circles around your issues.” He sent an unwavering glare in Jim’s direction, who at least had the decency to offer up a faint uncomfortable blush. “And from everything that I just heard, that girl, Pam, just told you she loved you; and you blew it. Big time.” 

Mark didn’t bother to press the issue any further, because from what he could tell from how sickly pale Jim had gone, his friend had heard him, loud and clear, and was now realizing just how badly he had fucked up. But like most things in Jim’s life interruptions seemed to prevail as a sturdy knock rang out from the front door. Decidedly putting an end to he and Mark’s conversation. 

“Chris, Alex, Pat! What, did you guys drive here together or something? Come on in.” Mark greeted he and Jim’s friends as he opened the front door, having left Jim to stew in his own making back in the kitchen. “The table is set up right over here.” He motioned, leading the men to the poker table, where Jim already sat. Mark wasn’t surprised to see that Jim had already taken up residence at the table, grabbing his favorite seat. He also wasn’t surprised to see that the ashen hue his skin had taken to, was now gone and a pleasant, yet fake, smile now replaced it. 

After all, Jim Halpert always had a great poker face. 

.o.o.o.o.o.o.

“Four of a kind” Pat announced proudly as he laid his cards down on the green felt table top, a chorus of groans rang out from the surrounding men. 

“Jesus, Pat, another?” Mark complained, he and the other men tossed down their cards as Pat collected the pile of chips from the center of the table. “Someone’s pretty damn lucky today.” 

Pat smirked, “not just today.” He muttered under his breath, leaving the statement open for much to interpretation for all that heard.

Jim eyeballed his friend and for the first time since he had arrived he noticed the painfully obvious uplifted attitude that Pat displayed. He blamed his own sour mood and thoughts for him not noticing before but now that he did he couldn’t help but see it. The man was damn near glowing with happiness.

“Wait, did you get lucky in other ways, Pat?” Mark goaded, elbowing his seat mate playfully. A slow smile began to spread across Pat’s face, a telltale sign that something truly was going on. “Oh man! You did! Details, man, give us details!” Mark all but shouted, clearly happy for their friend.

And with good reason. Pat had gone through a terrible divorce over a year ago and he had yet to even hint at any sort of relationship since. Having had his heart  battered by his ex, Rosemary, who one day abruptly decided that she could no longer be married to Pat and essentially ran away to Philadelphia with an old flame, it made sense that he wanted to take a break from dating. Or women in general. But after over a year, most of which Jim was wallowing in his own self pity in Stanford, his friends had begun to get worried for the man. Which now they realize was all for nothing.

Jim couldn’t help but get caught up in the jovial feeling that suddenly encompassed the group as they all began peppering Pat with questions. His own unhappiness momentarily out of his mind.

“Okay, okay, yeah I…met someone.” He acquiesced. Only to be met with a another round of cheers and bottle clinks. “But we haven’t uh-done anything yet. Just went on out to get drinks…and then dinner yesterday…followed by coffee after.” 

“Oh come on, man, you had to have done more than just talk on these coffee and dinner dates.” Jim nodded in agreement with Mark’s assumption. He knows he wouldn’t even make it to a date with Pam before kissing her silly. Not that he would ever find out at this rate.

Pat seemed to fidget a moment before relenting to the growing peer pressure and answered, “okay I might have kissed her after our dinner and the coffee afterwards might have been at her place…” a sly smile immediately slid across his face, “where we might have made-out on her couch like a pair of teenagers.” Mark let out a whoop and an ‘attaboy’ before giving Pat a hardy slap to his back. 

Even Jim got into the raucous manly cheering, genuinely happy for his friend. “So, I guess it goes without saying that you like this girl, huh?” Pat nodded, not hesitating at all. “That’s great man, I’m really happy for you.” Pat gave Jim a grateful smile and thanked him. 

“I’m happy for you too, man. You seem better now that you’re dating…Katherine?”

“Karen.” Jim corrected, again. “And yeah, definitely better.” He told him, though it was a bold face lie. There was no need to dampen Pat’s good mood with all his relationship woes. 

While Mark was the only one out of the group that knew all the details to the, ‘Will They, Won’t They; The Pam and Jim Story’, the rest of the guys had heard enough vague bits and pieces to be made aware of why Jim’s mood, up until almost a year ago, seemed to fluctuate more than the temperature on a late fall day. Cold in the morning to warm and sunny in the afternoon and then back to freezing at night. 

They didn’t know Pam’s name or that she was a coworker or even that she had been engaged. They just knew that Jim had been in love with a girl for years and she turned him down. And that dismissal had sent him running to Stamford to lick his wounds.

“How ‘bout a toast?” Mark asked, raising his half filled beer, “to Pat and his new lady.” 

The other men raised their respective glasses as well, when suddenly Jim interrupted, “wait, if we’re gonna do a toast, we gotta do it right. No nicknames. Or that shit doesn’t count.” He said, grinning at Pat, who couldn’t help but replicate the gesture. 

Mark nodded in agreement, “Okay, okay, let’s make this legit then.” He raised his glass again, “to Patrick and the woman who will soon be tangled up in his sheets!”

“To Patrick!” They cheered, their beer bottles clanking loudly before they all took a long swig of beer. None the wiser to the upcoming storm of drama that would rock the foundations of friendship of two of the men seated at the table forever.