Last night, she told me she loved me. It seemed hard for her to say. I was definitely shocked when I heard those three words come out of her mouth. She hasn’t been happy with me lately. The wrong girl told me the right thing – and I’m still not happy.

And I hate myself for it. 

Karen loves me. She’s in love with me. And my response was to take her clothes off. I feel like shit. Even after I told her I still had residual feelings for Pam. I’m trying so hard to make this relationship work. Today, I’m meeting Karen’s family. She probably told her parents how serious we are. She probably told them that she loves me. How do you look into the eyes of a woman and tell her she deserves so much better than you? 

All of these thoughts kept me up all night. Karen rolls over and curls into my chest. I relax slightly, or at least I tell myself that. 

Karen wakes up, looks at me and smiles. I smile back. I should have just broken up with her last night. I know she’s wrong for me. Shit. This has gone too far. She was just supposed to be a rebound for Pam. 

Karen gets out of bed and makes her way to the bathroom. I really don’t want to meet her parents. She peeps out the bathroom and says “Hey remember to gel back your hair today sloppy.” I groan. I hate putting gel in my hair. 

I get up and head to the kitchen for some orange juice. I have some time until we leave, so I make my way to my balcony and sit out there for a little. Finally enjoying the peace and quiet. 

My phone buzzes and I am shocked when Pam’s name pulls up on the caller ID. I answer it hesitantly.

“Hello?”

Breathless, Pam says “Jim, it’s me.”

“I know Pam, I have your phone number.”

“Okay well Just let me talk. Roy and I broke up. I told him about us.”

“I’m sure you guys will get back together. Is that all? I have to go…”

“No, don’t go. That isn’t all. And no, we won’t be getting back together. There’s someone else.”

“Okay Pam. I don’t know what you want me to say. Congrats?”

“Say yes. It’s always been you. 

“Pam… you’re confusing the hell out of me”

“Jim, I’m outside Karen’s apartment.”

“Beesly…are you insane?

“I know and she already saw me through the window. I love you Jim. I want to be together. I messed up. Karen is wrong for you. You know it too. I’m single, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side.” 

I hear her crying. I know she’s serious. 

“You’re crazy. I’ll be right there.” 

My face freezes. Karen knows Pam is here? 

I hear banging on the front door. I leave the balcony and go to answer it. Karen stops me with her arm.

Karen says, “Jim, if you open that door, this is over. No matter what I said last night.”

So, I look at her, gain a little courage, and walk out the front door. I never turn back.