The cold air nipped at her, even through her parka. She was tired. Her shoulders ached from carrying the weight of the day on them and now, sitting in her car, she could finally let them fall and release the disappointment she felt by way of quiet, hot tears trailing down her face.

He’s seeing someone.

When he had told her, she tried to pretend it didn’t bother her. Once again her words forced friendship upon them when her soul knew she wanted more. They would always be friends—that’s what she had told him—but her words were laced with doubt, the bad taste of his first day back still lingering in her mouth. Could they be friends? Could she settle for that, the way Jim had for so many years before he just couldn’t anymore? Her heart sank, fully feeling the magnitude of what she had put him through for years. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, she probably knew how he had felt.

She wiped her face with her hands, took a deep breath, and headed home. Well, she headed to her apartment. She wasn’t sure where “home” was anymore. It had been nearly six months since she moved out of the apartment she shared with Roy, but she felt like she hadn’t quite settled into her new place yet. The walls were still bare and there were unpacked boxes in various corners. She didn’t want to keep the couch that had a permanent Roy-shaped cushion on it, so her living room only had a cheap futon she got for $50 on Craigslist until she could find (or afford) something better.

She unlocked the door and walked into her apartment, dropping her purse and coat on the floor instead of hanging them up; she’d pick them up tomorrow. She walked by the futon, past the bathroom where she had worked so hard on her hair this morning, and went into her bedroom, where she shed her clothes and slipped into a pair of old plaid pajama pants and a paint-stained t-shirt she’s had since high school. Armed with some Rocky Road and a spoon the size of her head, she plopped down on the futon, curled up in a fuzzy blanket, and turned on 10 Things I Hate About You.

—————

She jolted awake. She had fallen asleep halfway through the movie and now the building’s fire alarm was blazing in her ears. As jarring as it was to wake up to the ear-splitting beeping, once she came to her senses she calmed down. They had false fire alarms at least once a week in this lousy old building and when one went off, they all went off. It took next to nothing to send them blaring. She threw the blanket around her shoulders and opened her front door to check to see if there was any real danger, though she suspected there wasn’t.

What she saw definitely made her jaw drop but it wasn’t smoke or flames.

“Jim?”

He looked at her from down the hall and did a double take.

“Pam?! Wait, do you live here?”

She instinctively wrapped herself tighter in the blanket, suddenly very conscious of her lack of bra and her decade-old pajamas.

“Uh, yeah...what are you doing here? Is this your new place?!”
“Yeah, it is…my aunt owns the building and offered to set me up here.” He gestured to the alarm that had since stopped beeping. “So, the alarm? Should I be worried?”
“Oh, no. It’s a pretty regular occurrence. My guess is Mr. Bisoni upstairs. He gets...experimental in the kitchen late at night.”

It was then that she noticed Jim was still in his work clothes, shoes and all. She glanced at her watch and realized it was 12:30 but it looked like he had just gotten home. So much for “getting settled” like he had told her in the break room that afternoon.

They heard three knocks coming from above followed by a loud, “Sorry!!” bellowing down the stairwell from Mr. Bisoni.

“Told ya,” she assured him. She pointed to his attire. “Odd choice of PJ’s, Halpert.”
“What? Oh, yeah,” he laughed. “Saves time in the morning.” He fidgeted. ”No, I uh, actually just got in. Kind of a last minute thing with the Stamford group. You know how Michael is. They needed a little...unwinding, I guess.”
“No, totally, yeah. Sounds fun.”
“Yeah…”

The silence was deafening as they both searched for something to say. Jim finally broke it.

“Well, I better get to bed. Full day of Michael ahead and I’m a little out of practice. But now it looks like we will be seeing a lot of each other now, neighbor.”

His smile nearly made her knees buckle.

“Yes, we will. Goodnight, Jim.”
“Goodnight, Pam.”

She walked back inside and put her back against the door.

Well, this could get interesting.

Pam set the hot pan of cookies on top of the stove to cool. Snickerdoodles—Jim’s favorite. It had been two days since the fire alarm and the discovery that Jim lived down the hall, but for some reason she still couldn’t will herself to knock on his door. Their interactions at work had been fine—slightly awkward and forced, sure—but fine. They had also passed each other once as Pam was coming home from the grocery store and Jim was headed to the Y to play basketball, but other than that it had been radio silence outside of work and she wasn’t sure how to break the ice. Knocking on his door and saying, “Hey, sorry I shut you down when you proclaimed your love for me and kissed me like I hadn’t been kissed in a good long while, but here are some cookies for you and I hope we can be best friends again! Welcome to the building!”...was perhaps not the way to go. But she could do the cookie part.

She took the 21 steps to the front of Jim’s door, feeling the warmth of the cookies through the plate. Her heart quickened slightly as she held her fist inches from the door. Finally, she connected knuckles to wood. The door creaked open.

It wasn’t Jim.

She looked at the tall, slender girl who answered the door and her heart sank a little. This must be the “someone” Jim had referred to. Suddenly she felt like retreating, blood rushed to her cheeks, and she instantly regretted not texting him first. Maybe she could pretend she had the wrong door. The girl smiled.
“Hi! Can I help you?”
Something about her was familiar but Pam couldn’t quite place it.
“Hi...uh, sorry. I’m looking for Jim?” She waved her hand, as if swatting an invisible fly. “I can just come back.”
“He’s in the shower, but I’m sure he’ll be out any minute! You can wait for him in here.”
The color of Pam’s face deepened at the mention of Jim in the shower.
“No, it’s fine. I can just leave these with you. I’m his neighbor...friend. Friend that happens to also be his neighbor.”
“Wait, you’re Pam, aren’t you?”

As much as she tried to hide it, the shock and confusion was blatantly visible on Pam’s face.

“Yeah! I’m sorry...do I know you?”
“No, and honestly Jim will probably kill me for not pretending that I don’t know who you are. I’m Larissa. Jim’s little sister.”

She felt her shoulders relax and let out an audible breath of relief. She could see the resemblance now, in the eyes especially. Larissa invited her in, setting the plate of cookies on the coffee table and they both took a seat on Jim’s couch.

“So,” Pam started, “do you live nearby?”
“Yeah, just a couple of blocks, actually. Thought I would be an amazing sister and come help Jimbo get settled in. He also promised me dinner, so I guess there’s that.”

Pam glanced up as she heard the bathroom door unlock and open. Jim stepped out, just a towel around his waist. Her cheeks might permanently stay red at this rate. She found her eyes lingering on his slender frame just a moment too long before averting them with a timid smile, raising her hand.

“Uh, hey Halpert.”
He jumped and put his arms instinctively over his chest.
“Pam! Hey…” he lowered his voice and glared at Larissa. “Thanks for the heads up, ‘Ris,” he pushed through his teeth.
The girls looked at each other and broke into giggles.
“Pam brought cookies!” Larissa yelled after him as he ducked into his bedroom. They snickered again.

“Hey,” Larissa turned to Pam, “come to dinner with us!”
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”
“Nonsense! I know Jim won’t mind and from what he’s told me about you, we need to be friends like, yesterday.”
Her face betrayed her again as a bashful smile escaped with the thought of Jim telling his little sister about her. But how much did Larissa know? Before she could wonder much longer, Jim walked into the room fully clothed, much to Pam’s dismay.

“Jimmy, Pam’s coming to dinner with us and before you can say no, she’s already seen you half-naked, so the least you can do is buy her dinner.”
He glared at her playfully and then smiled at Pam, perhaps a little tentatively, his cheeks still flushed.
“You sure you want to put up with more of my annoying little sister, Beesly?”
Pam looked at Larissa and grinned. “I think we’ll get along just fine.”


———


Their dinner was filled with laughter and amazing stories about childhood in the Halpert home. Pam couldn’t help but smile watching Jim and Larissa joke—it was apparent how much he adored his little sister and it was incredibly endearing. She felt her heart pinch, wondering how things might have been different if she would have let Jim in that night in the parking lot instead of shutting him out. Would she have met Larissa sooner? Would she know the other Halperts and listen to their stories, perched under Jim’s long arm instead of watching TV every night alone on an old futon in a bare apartment?

It didn’t matter. She couldn’t reel that night back in, as much as she wished she could, and Jim was moving on with some mystery girl. As much as it hurt, she promised herself while watching the two youngest Halperts fight over who was the best at Scrabble, that she would not lose him as a friend. She may have blown her chance of having more with him, but she would not lose his friendship.

Larissa had driven separately to the restaurant, so they said their goodbyes in the parking lot.

“I’m so happy I got to meet the famous Pam!” Larissa exclaimed, not caring an ounce that her brother looked thoroughly embarrassed. She pulled Pam into a warm hug and quietly whispered in her ear, too quietly for Jim to hear.

“Don’t give up on him, Pam.”

——————

“Leftovers!” Pam pointed to Jim’s backseat where he had left his to-go box.
“Oh, yeah. Thanks,” he smiled. “My car would have smelled like curry for days.”

They walked into the apartment complex together, stopping at Jim’s front door. Over the course of the night, Pam saw him begin to settle back into himself, the cold exterior he brought back from Stamford dripping away.

“Thanks for letting me tag along with you and your sister. I really had a good time. Your sister is great.”
“No problem! I had a good time too, even if Larissa told one too many embarrassing stories about young, innocent Jim.”
“I thought it was cute.” She glanced up at him, meeting his eyes. “I’m really glad you’re back, Halpert.”
He smiled his famous half-smile that made her heart skip.
“Me too.”

They looked at each other, Jim’s gaze burning into her. He cocked his head and slowly lifted his hand, softly brushing the side of her cheek with his thumb, when his phone rang, snapping him out of whatever state he was in. Pam looked down and folded her arms against her rapidly beating chest as Jim answered his phone.

“Hey, can I call you back? Okay. Bye.”
He hung up, but now couldn’t meet Pam’s eyes. Just like that, she knew.
“Who was that?” she prodded, not sure she wanted the answer.

Jim fixed his eyes on the floor.
“Uh...Karen, actually. From the office. She’s...we’re kind of...together, I guess.” Finally he met her eyes, his own filled with an emotion she couldn’t quite read. Apologetic, maybe? He rubbed the back of his head, the way he does when he’s uncomfortable—she knew him well enough to recognize it—and once again fixed his gaze at his feet.

“It’s pretty new and I just feel like...I need to give it a shot, you know? I just don’t want it to be weird. For us—you and me.”

Pam wasn’t sure how to respond. They had already had the conversation his first day back about him seeing someone. But now “someone” had a face—a face she had to see every weekday, 9 to 5. Remembering the promise she made to herself, she touched his arm gently and felt him tense slightly under her touch.

“I said we will always be friends and I meant it, Jim.”
He nodded and solemnly looked at her.
“Thanks, neighbor.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“See you tomorrow, Beesly.”

She walked the hall toward her apartment, touching the side of her face that Jim had electrified before his phone snapped them back to reality. How would she ever convince herself that friendship was enough? She remembered what Larissa had whispered in her ear after dinner and feeling a small surge of “Fancy New Beesly” courage, she pulled out her phone and texted Jim.

Karen’s a very lucky girl. Don’t forget it.

Outwardly, the revelation of Karen and Jim dating didn’t change Pam’s world too drastically. While Jim didn’t visit reception nearly as much as he did before he went to Stamford, he still involved Pam in his Dwight pranks, for which she was grateful. Karen, thankfully, was kind and friendly toward her. And for whatever reason, Jim never brought Karen back to his apartment so she wasn’t really faced with it outside of work.

Inwardly, however, Pam’s world had shifted. She was constantly caught in the mental tug-of-war of wanting to maintain their friendship or giving into her deeper desires and pushing the envelope. Jim hadn’t shown any signs of wanting more than friendship since that night after their dinner with Larissa, but she hadn’t been able to shake the look he gave her or the way his hand felt against her cheek. She half-heartedly convinced herself it was just a fluke, a remnant of how he used to feel about her, and they were just friends now. He was with Karen.

While they hadn’t spent an entirely large amount of time with each other outside of work, the initial awkwardness seemed to have dissipated between them much to Pam’s relief, considering their proximity to each other both at work and otherwise. She regularly texted Jim to come kill spiders for her and he would call her to see if she had a missing ingredient for whatever he was making for dinner that night. She loved when that happened because he would always bring her some of what he made as a thank you, and Jim was surprisingly a very good cook. Things were comfortable, even if it wasn’t everything she wanted.

This particular Thursday night, Pam found herself in a showdown against the lid to the peanut butter jar and she was losing. All she wanted was a giant spoonful--her guilty pleasure. She sighed, admitting defeat. Slipping on her flip flops, she tucked the jar under her arm and walked down the hallway. She knocked and yelled through the door, “Halpert! Another jar emergency!” The door opened.

It was Karen. Man, she really needed to start texting first.

“Pam…?”
“Karen! Uh, hey...sorry,” she held up the jar of peanut butter, “it won’t budge and Jim is frustratingly good at getting jars open…” She could hear the awkward nervousness in her own voice.
“Wait, do you live here?!” Karen questioned. “Jim never told me that! Here, come in. He just went to go pick up dinner.”
“No, it’s alright…”
“Really, come in. He’ll be at least 10 more minutes and I could use the company. He only has sports channels and I’m bored,” she smiled.
Pam hesitantly walked into Jim’s apartment after Karen.
“I can’t believe I never knew you lived down the hall from Jim!”
“Yep, it was a surprise to us too once we figured it out.”
“Must be nice to have a friend so close.”
“It has its perks,” she shrugged, holding up the jar of peanut butter. Before she could stop herself, she forced a smile and looked at Karen.

“So, you and Jim, huh? How’s that going?” She was nothing, if not a masochist.
“You know...it’s actually going really well. I mean, you’re good friends with him, I’m sure you have his side of it, but I think we’re both pretty happy. He’s really, really great.” Karen was glowing. “It takes a little bit to crack his shell, but we’re definitely getting somewhere. He’s funny, so nice,” she lowered her voice with a coy smile, “a great kisser…”

Pam quickly flinched but tried to twist it into a smile, hoping Karen didn’t notice the slip. It had just dawned on her that Karen had not been educated in The History of Jim and Pam. No wonder she had been so friendly at the office. Right now Karen was talking to Pam as a girlfriend, not as someone who knew exactly how good of a kisser Jim Halpert was.

“I’m really happy for you two!” Pam mustered. “You know what, I just remembered that I have something in the oven I should check on,” she lied. “Tell Jim he owes me an open jar.”
Karen laughed. “Will do! Good to see you. You’ll have to come over sometime and watch a movie or have a glass of wine or something with us now that Jim’s heater works again.”

Her back to Karen, Pam frowned. Jim’s heater had never been broken. She knew that because once when she went to return some of his Tupperware, she was smacked with a wall of heat when he opened the door. “What?! I like it hot!” he had said (obviously followed by the two of them saying “That’s what she said” in unison.)

“Yeah, sometime! Good to see you, Karen.” Pam turned and waved, shutting the door behind her. She whipped out her phone on the way back to her apartment.

Jim.
Pam.
Does Karen know about what happened with us?

Pam’s gut clenched. In the three months since Jim had been back, they hadn’t once mentioned the giant Casino Night-shaped elephant in the room.

Jim!
No. She doesn’t.
Seems like something she should know, Jim…I live down the hall from you! You’ve been dating her for a while now. WE ALL WORK TOGETHER.
Exactly! Pam, I really don’t want to have this conversation with you over text.
Well then when? Seeing as I just got back from your apartment and know you’ll be a little preoccupied tonight.
You talked to Karen?! Did you say anything?
Of course not.
I’m sorry, Pam. Can I talk to you later? I’m just about to walk in.
Fine.
I’m really sorry.

Pam slammed her phone shut and tossed it on the futon. All this time she had stupidly assumed that Karen had known what had happened and somehow was able to look past it. In fact, she had become decent friends with Karen over the last few months, despite the occasional pit in her stomach she felt whenever she saw her with Jim. Pam and Karen had even formed an alliance, as Dwight would say, against Angela at the Christmas party and often grabbed coffee together after work. They got along well, and Pam had always been impressed that her past with Jim didn’t turn Karen territorial or worried about Jim remaining friends with her. She admitted she was equally amazed that Karen didn’t hate her for breaking Jim’s heart. Now, however, she recognized she was just being hopeful and naive and that Karen was nothing more than simply in the dark. She may be Jim’s best friend, but right now Pam felt bad for Karen, a sliver of protectiveness peeking through the floorboards of the pedestal she had put Jim on in her mind.

Pam didn’t want to jeopardize what she and Jim had rebuilt in the last three months. She loved the spider killing, and the jar opening, and the nights they would spend in the hallway together brainstorming ways to torment Dwight. There had even been times where she thought he may still have lingering feelings for her, as she often recalled his little sister’s advice. If Jim told Karen about their past now, she was fairly certain that would crumble. But still, her conscience kept nagging and prodding at her.

So, understanding that she may be sealing her fate and damning herself to a lonely life in a tiny apartment with a beat up futon, she picked up her phone.

Please just tell her, Jim. Tonight. She deserves to know.

Pam woke up the next morning after a fitful night of sleep and immediately pulled the blankets over her head. The thought of going into work and seeing a newly enlightened Karen made her stomach feel uneasy. She felt guilty, as if she had been the one keeping a secret from Karen for three months.

And then there was Jim. She was disappointed in him, sure. But she couldn’t say she was mad at him because the fact that he hadn’t told Karen about her and had gone as far as to lie about his heater being broken for months in order to avoid bringing Karen to their building, said to Pam that there were still some very real and lingering feelings on Jim’s side of the hallway. She wanted to be mad at him...but ”hopeful” probably rang a little more true.

But...what would happen if Karen wanted to work through things with Jim and he decided that’s what he wanted as well? Or what if Karen threw her hands up and broke it off with him, leaving Jim frustrated that Pam had pushed him off the ledge with her? What would that mean for their friendship? For daily life at work? All she knew is that things would be different than they previously had been, no matter how it shook out, which was terrifying. Pam thrived in normalcy.

She poked her head out from her blankets to check her alarm clock and realized she had about 20 minutes before she needed to leave for work. So, she pulled herself into her work clothes and out of the spiral she had worked herself into.

———

Pam got to the office before either Jim or Karen had arrived. She mindlessly fiddled with the pens on her desk and shuffled the same three stacks of papers around while keeping one eye on the door.

Finally she saw Karen walking in.

With Jim.

Laughing and holding hands.

Pushing aside the familiar sting from seeing them together, she felt confused. This did not look like a couple who must have had a pretty difficult conversation no more than 12 hours ago. She turned back to her computer as they came in through the office door.

“Hi Pam!” Karen said, cheerfully. “Good seeing you last night. Hey, that new coffee shop on Parker Ave? It just opened up and I’ve been meaning to try it. Want to check it out with me at lunch?”

Pam shot a quick glance at the back of Jim’s head, which he was now scratching nervously at his desk. Willing herself to act normal despite her utter confusion, she smiled.

“You know, I promised...Kelly...that I would have lunch with her today?” She didn’t mean for it to sound like a question, but she was never good at lying on the spot. “But maybe another day?”
“Sure! Just let me know.”

Karen walked past Jim’s desk, affectionately running her hand along his back on the way to her own desk.

Pam drilled holes in the back of Jim’s head with her eyes, willing him to turn around.

He hadn’t told her.

There was no way in hell that he had told her.

Now she was mad.


————

She spent the next hour trying to come up with reasons in her own mind for why he wouldn’t have come clean. Even if he and Karen hadn’t discussed their past relationships with each other yet, this was different.They all worked together, Pam lived down the hall from him, and hell, she had even called off her wedding and decade-long relationship because of him (though, she conceded, she had never confessed that last one to anyone, especially Jim). The circumstances were such that Jim should have given Karen a head’s up, simple as that. But nothing about any of this had ever been simple, had it?

What finally sent her over the edge was the fact that in the last hour, Pam had seen nothing except the back of Jim’s head. He hadn’t turned to face her once. He had even turned off his IM chat, their number one form of communication in the office since his return to Scranton. She grabbed her purse and walked to Michael’s office.

“Pam-o-rama, what can I do for ya?”
“I’m not feeling well at all. My niece had the flu last week and I’m worried that I might have caught it. Can we have someone cover the phones?”
“Sure thing. Feel better soon, m’lady.”
“Thanks, Michael.”

She rushed past Jim, feeling his eyes on her but refusing to meet them with her own. She darted out into the hallway and down the stairwell.

“Pam!” Jim’s voice echoed.

She stopped and spun around, looking up at him, exasperated. “You didn’t tell her.”

Jim looked back toward the office, a finger on his lips as he made his way down to her. He reached her, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and shrugged.

“No, I didn’t.”
“Why not, Jim? Don’t you think she should know? This involves me too!”
“Of course I do, Pam! It kills me that it has taken me this long to tell her. I just can’t figure out the best way to do it.”
“Maybe you should tell her in a parking lot after a work party and then flee the state. That seems to be your ideal way to drop these kinds of bombs.”

She regretted it instantly but the words had already spilled out. The look on his face nearly shattered her to pieces. “Jim, I’m sorry. I—“

His voice was quiet, but bitter. “A whole lot of good that did me, huh?”
She looked at him and felt the small surge of frustration begin to rise again.
“I was engaged, Jim.”
“Really? I had no idea,” he spat.
“It was three weeks before I was about to get married, and you decided to tell me you lo—felt that way about me.” She couldn’t get herself to say the word.

He dropped his gaze. “And you made it very clear that I wasn’t the one you wanted, Pam. Twice.”
“Jim—”
“And I will tell Karen! But it’s my relationship! One that started because I had to get out of this place! I couldn’t sit at that desk every single day and watch you marry that guy. There was so much pain and so many memories...I had to move to get away from it all, and away from all of the things I thought we had but obviously didn’t.” He rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. Pam stepped closer to him.

“We had them, Jim. Of course we had them! But you left faster than I could even process what had happened, and without even saying goodbye.” The gloves were out now and there was no going back for Pam. She was tired of holding back. “And this isn’t even really about Karen right now!”
“Oh, it’s not?”
“No, Jim, it’s about us and our innate ability to constantly avoid all the things we actually need to say.”
His brow furrowed intensely.
“And what do we actually need to say, Pam?”

She stared at him, feeling every emotion of the past several years, all at once. There were rooftops, and jellybeans, and stolen glances. There was jealousy, and heartache, and wishing they could just be honest for once. She felt a tear roll down her cheek, then another, and she watched Jim’s face soften. He stepped even closer and gently cupped her face in his hands.
“Pam…”

“Jim?”

They both shot their eyes upward to see Karen standing at the top of the stairwell.

It had been three days since Pam bolted out the doors of the office building, leaving Jim to clean up the mess they had just made with Karen. Pam had no idea how much Karen had heard of their argument in the stairwell but if the look on her face said anything, it was enough. Pam felt like a coward for running but in the moment she felt like it was Jim’s responsibility to deal with it.

Now she hadn’t heard from either of them for three days.

She had called in sick, claiming the flu, every one of those days. She may not have actually been sick, but there were still used tissues all over her apartment and she hadn’t changed out of her robe for three days. Her nose was red and eyes were splotchy, and she had a headache she just couldn’t seem to shake. The idea of losing Jim again, maybe for good this time, felt like a weight on her chest that she couldn’t seem to bear. Every day he didn’t contact her the weight increased and she wondered how long before it crushed her. The things she said to him were constantly swirling and haunting her. She and Jim just couldn’t seem to get it right; now she had no idea what came next. She spotted the unopened jar of peanut butter on the counter and felt the tears start welling up all over again.

Day was turning into night—Pam’s least favorite time of day lately. It wasn’t quite afternoon but wasn’t exactly evening. It was a weird in-between that felt unsettling. She knew Jim would be coming home from work soon. Normally she would hear him greet Mr. Bisoni through her door (Mr. Bisoni was a creature of habit and walked his dog Pearl at the same time every day, usually when Jim was returning from work). The deep sound of Jim’s voice, muffled through the thin apartment door, was the only connection she had to him the last few days and every time she heard it, it sent a shiver down her spine and a deep ache in her heart. She assumed he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Not after she shoved “that night” right back in his face, as if it didn’t mean everything to her as well. As if that night didn’t shake her loose from the disillusion of her dead-end engagement, giving her the courage to just be ”Pam” for once, instead of “Pam and Roy”. As if she didn’t have regular, vivid dreams about him walking through a dimly lit office and kissing her deeply and thoroughly. She thought back to the stairwell. They had both been harsh, but she felt something right before Karen brought it all to a halt, which made Jim's silence all the more heartbreaking.

She picked up the remote. What kind of torture would she put herself through tonight? You’ve Got Mail? The Notebook? Never Been Kissed?

Just as she settled on Love Actually, she heard three small taps on her door. Her heart jumped and she quickly smoothed her hair, hid the mound of tissues on her coffee table, tightened her robe, and went to the door, cracking it open to peer through a three-inch opening. All the air in her lungs left her.

“Hey, Beesly.”

Her voice was shaky and uneven, eyes barely brimmed with tears. “Hey, Halpert. You look like crap.”

He let out a gust of air that was mostly a laugh, but had so much more tangled inside of it. He shrugged into a meager smile. “It’s been a rough few days.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Can I?” He lifted the two bags he had in his hands. “I brought soup. I hear you have the flu.”

She opened the door for him. He placed the bags on the counter, unloading the styrofoam containers full of soup.

His voice was still quiet and almost timid. “You know, it took me three different tries to find a place that doesn’t put celery in their chicken noodle soup.”
“You remembered I hate celery,” she nearly whispered.
He paused and turned around. “Of course I remembered, Pam. Just like how I know you weirdly have to shake your bottled water before you drink it and that you’re terrified of tiny dogs. I know you.”

She offered him a small smile. “Yeah, I guess you do.”

He brought two bowls of soup over to where she was sitting on the futon. He handed one to her and then took a seat on the floor next to her legs. “So what are we watching?”
“Love Actually. Haven’t started it yet.”
“Well, let’s start it, then.”

There was a thickness lingering in the air between them and she knew they both felt it. Their words were dipped in sadness and regret, but she pressed “play” anyway, just content to have him there. They silently started watching the movie while they ate. Once Pam finished her soup (she didn’t realize how hungry she was) she brought her feet up on the futon and laid on the pillow beside her, Jim still sitting in front of her on the floor grabbing his knees, leaning back against the futon. She reached out her hand and began to slowly play with the back of his hair, desperately trying to cut through the cloud between them. She dropped her hand to his shoulder.

“I called off my wedding because of you, you know. I never told you that. I’ve never told anyone that, actually.”

He reached his hand behind him and put his fingertips over hers. Finally, he turned his body sideways to face her.

“You did?”

She nodded, happy to see those green eyes again. He frowned slightly and cleared his throat.

“You never called.”

She hugged the pillow to her chest. “I know. I’m sorry. I just thought you wouldn’t want to hear from me after that night. And I was dealing with a lot, too. Turns out breaking out of a ten-year relationship isn’t as seamless as one might think. I missed you so much, but had no idea how to tell you that. You felt so far away and it was my fault.”

He moved a strand of hair out of her eyes and behind her ear.

“I always want to hear from you,” he said deep into her eyes. Then he laughed under his breath. “Look at us, Beesly. Saying the things we actually need to say.”

She covered her eyes and spoke from beneath her hands. “I’m so sorry about what I said in the stairwell.”

“Me too. And I’m even more sorry that it took me three days to drag my sorry ass over here. Just needed a little time to figure some things out, you know?”

She winced a little as she eased into the next question.

“How’s Karen?”

He exhaled deeply and rubbed his hand over the left side of his face.

“Uh, she’s back home in New York with her folks. Looking to transfer out there, probably Utica. Also, she hates me. I guess she never said as much, but...she does.”
“I feel really terrible.”
“No, don’t! I don’t think she blames you, and she shouldn’t. You were right, I should have told her from the beginning.

She paused. “Why didn’t you?” she ventured.

Pam could see the wheels turning in his brain, trying to work out how he wanted to respond. Her heart rate quickened as he put his hand up and laced his fingers through hers as he started talking.

“I think...a lot of it was me shutting off a valve in my brain. If I didn’t tell her about it, I didn’t have to think about it. And honestly, when I came back to Scranton, things with Karen were so new and I wasn’t sure what it meant or how serious it might get, so I didn’t tell her right away. Then,” he smiled, “I met my neighbors.”
“Who, me?” Pam feigned surprise.
“Yes, you. We live like 15 steps from each other--”
“21, actually.”
“Wow. 21,” he laughed. “But I'll argue my legs are just longer. Anyway, with you living so close, it was just easier to not tell Karen so you and I could still be some version of friends and not make our situation more unbearable than it needed to be. And if I’m being really honest...I couldn’t tell Karen what happened with us because I think I still had...feelings.” He glanced up at her, gauging her reaction. “But again, the brain valve thing, and telling her would open the floodgates of feelings and you had already told me no and I didn’t want to go through all of that pain again. So, to sum it up: I’m the cowardly lion. With feelings.”

Pam looked down at their hands, Jim’s thumb caressing hers. She put her lips on the back of his hand. Her voice was barely audible.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“I know.” He tilted his head. “Can I ask you a tough question now?”
“I can’t give you my sudoku secrets, Jim.” She saw him smile, but it quickly faded. “I’m joking. Ask away.”
“Why did you stay with Roy?”

She ran her free hand up and down Jim’s forearm.

“Habit.”
“That’s it?”
“Honestly, that’s what it all boils down to. We had been together for so long, I almost forgot that I could make my own decisions. I spent so many years feeling subconsciously obligated to him, and my knee-jerk reaction was always to choose him because I was supposed to, I guess. Took a little...jostling to make me realize how ridiculous and sad that was. By the time I figured it out, you were gone and I thought I had screwed the whole thing up.”

“Jostling, huh?”
Jim’s face inched closer to Pam’s with a smile.
“Mmm hmm…” She could barely think.

His lips were now centimeters from hers.

“Can I...jostle you again?”
“...the flu…” she muttered with her eyes closed.
“You and I both know you don’t have the flu, Beesly…”

Before she could respond, his lips had melted against hers. He ran his fingers through her hair and took her into his kiss, deep and slow. She wrapped her hands behind his neck and through his hair. He slowly ran his hand down the side of her body and around her back then up through her hair again. Finally, they broke apart, keeping their foreheads together, Pam’s head in his hands.

“Jim?” Pam whispered.
“Yeah?”
“Just checking to see if you still have any of those lingering feelings.”
“Uh, yeah...feelings are most definitely still there.” He was grinning. “Never left, actually.”

She pulled him into another soft kiss.

“One more thing,” she said against his mouth.
“Hmmm…”

“I’m going to need you to open that jar of peanut butter on the counter.”

One Month Later

Pam came up behind Jim at the stove and wrapped her arms tightly around him. She kissed between his shoulder blades and gave a muffled, “Morning.”

“Good morning to you, sleepy head.” He turned around and gave her a kiss. “Eggs and bacon okay?”
“Always,” she smiled and kissed him again.

The way they had transitioned into dating was seamless, as if they had been doing it for years. In a weird roundabout way, they kind of had been dating for years, just without all the kissing and the...well, it was all very, very welcome, Pam thought, looking at Jim cooking her breakfast in nothing but his boxer shorts. They were best friends and always had been. They had spent years getting to know each other so well and now all they were doing was playing catch up with all the other stuff. Pam sipped her tea, still staring at Jim. Lots and lots of catch up.

He turned around and set her breakfast in front of her, then leaned on the counter.

“Hey, I’ll need to stop by my place before we head to my parents’ house this afternoon.”
“I don’t think we have time to make such a huge detour, Jim. It’s not like you live in the apartment next to me. You’re down two doors AND across the hall.”
“You’re right. And what if we hit traffic on the way there?”
“Mrs. Grimaldo does walk very slowly. Not sure we should risk it.”

They smiled at each other, like they always had.


------------

Jim and Pam walked up the path to Jim’s childhood home, hand in hand.
“Last night was fun and all,” Jim grabbed his lower back dramatically, “but all I’m saying is that you need to get rid of that freakin’ futon if we’re going to try that again. I mean when you did that thing where you---”
“Betsy!!” Pam nearly yelled, cutting Jim off.

Betsy Halpert pulled Pam into a tight hug, and it felt just like home.

“Happy birthday!” Pam exclaimed.
Betsy smiled. “Thank you, Pam! Come in, you two!”

They walked in and were greeted by some of Jim’s family. Tom gave Jim a little shove and then leaned in to give Pam a quick hug. “Hey Pam! This chump treating you okay?”
“He’s treating me very well, Tom,” she said with a smile.
“Hey! You’re supposed to say I’m not a chump!” Jim piped in.
“Weeellll…” Pam shrugged playfully.
“Keep her, Jim. Please,” Tom pleaded.
Jim looked right at Pam with a grin. “Planning on it.”

----------

The afternoon went on and eventually the group found themselves in the backyard, Jim’s nieces and nephews playing a rousing game of monkey in the middle and the adults sitting in a circle chatting with each other. Larissa was sitting next to Pam. They had already rehashed the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy together while Jim and his brothers discussed the Eagles game.
Now, Pete was in the middle of a story from when they were all growing up, and everyone was hunched over with laughter. Pam, comfortably under Jim’s arm, looked up at him in amusement.

“I will never see you and kitchen tongs the same way ever again,” she laughed.
“Not funny!” Jim said, unable to suppress a laugh himself. “I was only 5!”

Pam couldn’t help but bask in her own happiness. She never thought she would be here, with him, with them, feeling such a part of it all. She looked around the birthday party.

“Hey Jim? Who is that?”
“Oh, that’s my Aunt Margaret. She’s the one who owns the apartment building, actually.”
“I’ll be right back.”

Pam stood up and made her way over to Aunt Margaret. She couldn’t help but think about how none of this would likely have happened if she and Jim hadn’t lived down the hall from each other. Their proximity had allowed them to break through uncomfortable walls and figure out how to be friends again.

“Margaret? Hi! I’m Jim’s girlfriend, Pam. I just wanted to say thank you. I live down the hall from him and I am just...really grateful you set him up there. Really, really grateful.”

Pam looked over at Jim, now wrestling with his 7-year-old nephew, and her heart had never felt so secure. She turned back to Margaret.

“Also, can we chat about the building’s fire alarms?”