After relishing Pam's “Yes” for THE DATE, He went to see Michael to let him know that he would be back tomorrow for work and doesn't want to take the day off as he planned. Michael was yelling at Dwight to pick the pace, painting his room off the black one it was covered with. He waived distractedly to Jim’s request which basically means he agrees or he doesn't care, sometimes both. He asked where Karen is and if she got the position?

Jim didn't want to think about her right now. Not about the calming sound water was making cascading down the fountain as opposed to Blizzard of break up conversation between him and Karen at the fountain, down the corporate office Dunder Mifflin.

" Why are you doing this now?" pleaded Karen.

" Because I don't think this will work. I am really sorry Karen. I wish it didn't have to end like this"

" No you don't. You never did. Did this ever mean anything to you??" She was fuming.

" Of course it did. I mean I really cared about you, I still do... just that I don't feel the same way that I know you do"

"Oh no you don't. Suddenly you don't. Because now you know what she feels for you and that's what all that matters to you" she scoffed.

"So tell me, why did you take this whole week?!? Why didn't you just run after her on beach day itself. Because you wanted another week of us. Like a last fukc..for old times sake"

He felt another wave of guilt. He wanted to defend himself, to deny being so selfish but no words came out. It may not be entirely true that he kept at Karen for carnal pleasure, but he definitely did keep the relationship despite all the questions in his head post the beach night.

"I am really sorry Karen. I wish I had something better to say. Anything to make it up to you but I don't."

" I have never seen such a screw up in my life Jim Halpert. I asked you what you wanted. We talked about it night after night. You even said you were happy about how things are going" she took a breath, suppressing the sob threatening to burst out.

Jim didn't want to think about it anymore than he did during the car ride back. He didn't regret the break up because he knew it was never meant to last this long but he still regretted the look Karen gave him which made him feel like an a**hole. He suspected that she indeed was in love with him though she didn't say it. He knew that look, God he has been Exhibit A for that look that night….or for years?...or forever? He can't say anymore. She looked so heartbroken. He knew the look. He has been there, done that and pledged to never let it happen again to him. Those tears were full of pain, he knew that because he had tasted them too. And now he is ready to embark on this path, making him vulnerable to all this all over again despite his promise to himself that he won’t go down that road again, an year ago. He was so mad at her that she rejected him and his love to be with someone who is clearly the wrong one. Probably hated her a little bit too for choosing him over him . She had no idea how miserable she made him. He hated her guts, the ownership she had on his heart and wondered how she would have felt had the roles been reversed.  Now after enacting the same scene with different characters, it doesn't make him feel any better. To be the breaker and not the broken. 

It’s a different kind of hell and he isn’t sure anymore if he is doing the right thing. This is not like breaking up with Katie. She was simple and well she was hot. And that all that mattered for the casual fling. Nobody was in love with anybody. Well he was in love with her but at least Katie was not stupid like him and seemed upset but he didn't  punched her in the gut with words like “misinterpreted friendship” “I can’t”. God it still hurts to even remember them. Did he also wound Karen like he got.  Is he also choosing her over her. 

He just realized that his hand was rolled up in a fist, waiting for this feeling to pass. His knuckles were turning white from the pressure and he relaxed his fingers and saw small crescents his nails have made digging in his palms and was almost ready to draw blood. He wanted to take it easy after being wound up for so long. He can’t keep doing this to himself. He can't keep second guessing anymore than he already did since the time he moved to Stamford. It’s now or never. 

He kept nodding and walking backwards to get out of his boss's room without being so obvious about his eagerness. He even let Michael make his inappropriate joke about Karen will now be on top of him and “That's what she said” and looked around in the bullpen if Pam had returned from the conference room. He almost felt like an idiot for not shutting the door behind him letting Michael’s comment float outside and risking being heard by others, specifically her. She was sitting at her seat and was pretending to focus on her computer screen but she was definitely…..blushing if he can dare call it that, relieving him of his doubts. She was beaming and her giddiness relaxed him too. 

She raised her eyes to him and gave that beautiful smile that Jim has been missing this past year, the one which he couldn't resist ever, the one which decorated his dreams and been haunting his nightmares, the one which reminded him the power she has on him and his heart, the one he knew going to be death of him. And just like that, he returned that smile with the euphoric one of his. 

Tonight's the night- Now or Never.

Oh my God it's happening !! Pam can't hide the happy tears that welled up when Jim asked him the question she had been waiting for the past one year ? longer ? forever? She doesn't know anymore. But she knows that she hasn't been this happy in a very long time.

She remember how ecstatic she was when she heard about the merger. She was thanking her stars to be able to get the chance to see Jim again after her big fukc up in summer. She almost started to believe that she deserves to be alone after breaking two hearts belonging to two people who loved her while breaking her own which belonged to the one she couldn't stop thinking about since. 

She remembers how all her hopes and excitement was killed the same day they were at its peak. The day that started before the dawn, her curling her hair and putting on some makeup and just trying to do everything to make it perfect. How she embraced him, trying to somehow communicate how much she yearned for him. And then they were back in their old form, her leaning on his desk, making jokes, pretending to give introductions to the very same colleagues they have both worked with together for years. She almost believed that finally stars are aligning for her and once this friendship is restored, she can be more. More than that. 

But he gave her a cold shoulder when she subtly asked him out and if that was not enough to break her heart , he told her at the end of the day how he is seeing another girl. He didn't have to put it in words but she understood the meaning - “ I have moved on and we are not even friends enough that i tell you who she is”. While she already saw the exchange of gum in the conference room as something more than familiarity, and her rubbing his back in the parking as more than comforting, she still was holding on to invisible thread that it doesn't have to be serious and she may still have a shot. This was all until those torturing words he said in the same parking lot where she tortured him too. 

She was reliving the same dread while talking to the talking head about Jim getting the job,thinking about her losing him all over again when he entered the room asking her the question, taking her breath away. She felt she was messing with her mind going back and forth again on what happened and what was happening, just like the entire summer she spent last year. 

She ordered her brain to stop after failing to register again what the doc crew asked her. They were smirking at her and clearly curious to dig her more for the new...ahem. ..development. But she  took leave from the interview stating she has stuff to do at her desk (and do a victory dance in her head) and almost ran to her seat at the reception. She was so overwhelmed, she wanted to relish the entire moment replaying in her head- his words and her “Yes”. She pushed aside all the dark thoughts and focused on the moment and Jim asking her -” Are you free for dinner tonight ? Then it's a Date.” 

She almost ran to her chair and sat down trying to gather her bearings. She noticed Jim is with Michael and seems like he is walking backwards, trying to escape his Michaelness. She was almost laughing at how desperate Jim is to get away from him, making her realize that perhaps he is rushing to plan their date. Their date. Tonight. At dinner. She got another wave of ecstasy and she focused on her computer to prevent herself looking like a lunatic to others.

She felt his eyes on her and for the first time in many years she didn't act like she didn't notice, she didn't waived it off as a friendly thing, She didn't fear that he would pretend and look at the wall behind her because for the first time she looked up him watching her and she wanted to do just the same, and this time none of them looked away.

Their smile froze when Micheal made an appearance from his office announcing Jim has returned and his family is back together for real. Pam couldn't agree more because this is real. He has really returned. To them. 

Pam looked at Jim, smirking at his embarrassment for being the centre of attention. But he wasn't looking at her but has turned his chair around and now setting up his desk. She cursed Ryan in that moment for being a brat and not giving Jim his chair when he came back in November, last year. She looked at Jim and started studying his back, as her favorite pastime in the last few months. She could tell from the tensing of those muscles what he is thinking or feeling. She remembers him easing up and relaxing while messing up Dwight. She noticed the subtle dip and tensed form when Roy started coming back to see her at reception. She has seen him being reserved around Karen, careful and almost cautious during conversations when she would get cozy and mostly act like...a girlfriend she was...is.. She doesn't know yet. Hopefully tonight will give her some answers she wanted for so long. She has been reading him like a book, book marking every move, discerning his mood because his face won't give away anything, not with the mask he had on since the day of merger. 

She broke staring at his back when Stanley passed the reception waving everyone, bidding them goodbye for the day. Everyone else was wrapping up on their desks while Michael was still talking to Jim. She barely paid attention until she heard him giving Jim tips about dating a boss in New York since he is a “Veterinarian'' in that. Jim made a joke about not owning a pet yet to really use his expertise and Michael laughed sharing how Jan can be a wild cat in the sack. 

And Just like that, it felt like he was back, really back. 

Slowly everyone started making their way to the exit, waving goodbye and smiling over another day over at Dunder Mifflin Paper company, still going strong under Michael Scott’s managerial lead. 

Pam started wrapping up when she heard a ping at her desktop before she was about to turn it off. She saw a small message window popping on her screen saying JHalpert sent you a new message.

She smiled and looked up to see Jim’s back was still turned facing her, and he was typing lazily on his keyboard. She quickly clicked on the messenger :

@JHalpert - Hi Ms.Beesly! So this is in reference to what I expressed before. What do you think of 7pm for dinner ?

She was amused at his attempt to sound all business like. She was literally sitting 6 feets from him and yet here they are, exchanging messages on company links. Just like old times and that felt like a relief she hadn't felt in a long time.

She quickly typed back.

@ReceptionistB- 7 pm for dinner is pretty good Mr.Halpert. Perfect time to keep your system going right and a healthy habit to pursue. 

@JHalpert- Oh well Thank you for approving my meal timings. 

@ReceptionistB - Oh anytime. If you need any other approvals, just send me a message and I’ll look into that :D

@JHalpert- typing………..

Before Pam could read what Jim was going to write Dwight started ushering Jim to get going. 

“You can’t do over-time without your superior’s permission Jim”. 

Jim nodded in mock resignation before adding his quip - “You are absolutely right Dwight. Overtime is for the employees to paint the Manager’s room back to its original color from the ghastly black”.He added looking at the clock and stood up, turning off his computer. 

Dwight looked angry then startled at Jim’s instant compliance but Jim turned around and moved towards his coat looking up at Pam and parroted “You can’t do overtime without your superior’s permission Pam” and Pam laughed. She laughed at Jim’s joke, which he shared with her, after ages, almost tearing up with the thought. She turned off her computer smiling to herself, looking forward to walking out with Jim. Something she hasn’t done in over a year now. But the feeling short-lived as Kevin joined them too, trailing a bit behind. 

The elevator ride was short when Kevin asked Jim if he wanted to see his list now because it’s ready and wagged his eyebrows at Pam. She looked up curiously at Jim, silently asking “What’s happening here” with her bemused expressions while Jim deliberately avoided looking at her and told Kevin to email that to him first thing tomorrow and how he appreciates all his help. The elevator dinged on the ground floor and Jim almost sprinted before Kevin could say anything anymore. Jim reached his car and waved “Later ” to Kevin and then turned to Pam and said the same but gently and tenderly, both feeling the effects of meaning behind it. 

Pam pushed the ignition in hers and backed her car, when her phone made a little beep sound and she pressed it and put the mobile back on the seat while steering her car around the familiar road to her apartment. She looked down to see it was from Jim asking her the address to her casa. 

She quickly parked it on the side, typing the address - 324 Brock Avenue, and sending it back. She didn’t wish to make him wait even for a few minutes for her response. No more waiting, no more delaying - honesty and courage.

She was smiling to herself, stroking her screen over Jim’s name when messages scrolled up. There were sporadic exchange of texts followed by emojis at afterhours of their workdays. 

“Hey Beesly,don’t be late tomorrow, we are gonna bake Dwight his favorite Jello Stapler. You don’t wanna miss it” 

“Michael is gonna do it tomorrow, I just know it. Bring a gun. We are gonna need it Halpert”

“Question. What is beet eating, bear hunting and Battlestar watching Obnoxious soul? You have 2 seconds to answer”

“Hey, you looked a little pale today? How are you feeling now”

“I think I had too many of those beets but I’ll live. Thanks for checking in Beesly”

“Anytime Halpert, I can’t afford to go to jail alone. If I am going down, I am taking everyone with me”.

She was grinning at the various funny jokes over the years shared in her little inbox when she came down to the end of list and saw the last message she sent him “Michael, Carol in a cheerleader’s costume, Diwali party and a proposal. Enough said”. Her smile widened remembering the night she had. Michael proposed to Carol after 9 dates. That was just another record for him. Who does that? Proposing after 9 dates. Well only Michael. 

This is the conversation she was hoping to have with Jim, and probably more. She thought back how she kept checking her phone every 5 minutes after the text, in hopes of his reply. She stayed awake till midnight thinking of all the reasons he won't get back to her.

Her mind took her from all possible scenarios “he perhaps didn’t hear the alert tone, he will get back to her eventually” “He must be doing his laundry or something” “It’s friday night, he is probably playing that fantasy football with Kevin, but……. Kevin was at the party ``''It’s friday night, he is probably out having drinks with his...new friends”, “He is probably out on a date….”. At the end of every scenario, she silently added that he will eventually reply because he always did, never missed. But by midnight, she knew there won’t be any reply, that call the other week was a fluke and he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her. Not after what she put him through that fateful night.

She felt the same ache in the present moment, as she felt during the night then. She contemplated again why Jim never texted back only to have the painful realisation - Karen. He was busy building his new life, with her, without her. While she was picking up broken pieces of her’s, the brittle life she had built, only to be blown down with his confession and her...regret.

The anguish and guilt started taking over her, just like the countless times in the past year.  The tears pricked her eyes once again, ready to immerse her in the storm of hurt. She was tempted to just go home and bury herself in the blanket on her bed and comatose to sleep, overwhelmed by the rollercoaster of the day she had. Another text alert broke her reverie:

“ Traffic feels crazy today. Drive slow Beesly, see you soon”

She felt a shift in her mood. She is not going to back out this time. No matter how it’s going to turn out, she is going to face it head first. No more stalling, she is going to go for it. She typed back a small text before driving away.

“Can’t wait” .

Jim entered his apartment with a little strut in his walk. He hasn’t felt this happy coming back to his place before. This new place of his with one long couch, one small table, one chair and one bedroom. If you don’t look outside the window, you wouldn’t know if it’s Stamford or Scranton. Same emptiness, same silence. The place he barely bothered to furnish because he never unpacked completely. He kept things in boxes still, not sure how long he would be here this time.

He was smiling to himself looking at all the packed clutter which is soon going to be unpacked..well... clutter. He was never an organizer anyway, maybe Pam could help him arrange these things when she’ll come over. Okay Halpert, hold your horses right there, one step at a time..one date at a time. The date he is anticipating is the one he has been praying for an eternity. But he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself. God knows what happened to him when he read into things way too much, got kicked way too hard...and it hurt way too deep.

He threw his messenger bag on the couch, while his overnight bag landed with a thud, just right by it. He was already moving towards his fridge to take out a beer, to calm his nerves before changing his mind and heading to his bedroom for the change of clothes. He was unsure whether to hop in the shower or first look into fresh clothes to wear for the night and ended up….well lying down in his bed. 

His body thanked him with a deep sigh. He was exhausted. 

Hell of a Day !!! Saying he had a long day would be the understatement of the century.  He drove to New york just last evening, Went around bar hopping in the city with his now ex-girlfriend slash girl who hates his guts, slept with the same girl in another failed attempt to be “not here” , attended interview for a top notch position only to withdraw his name because ..well he’ll know in few hours. Dumped the girl who seemed to be really good for him for the girl who he is going to put everything on line- the third time now. Drove back and asked her out, finally with a yes. Filled with this drug like high since then, without an ounce of alcohol in his system, realizing just now that he is doing this to himself all over again. He has promised himself last year that he won’t let her or her thoughts take away the remaining of his sanity and dignity. He had moved away with the determination that he is going to move on, be happy again and eventually sleep will be his comrade again and food wouldn’t be all dust in his mouth.

He felt the darkness within him, felt many times through those sleepless nights staring at his ceiling. He looked back at his dull ceiling one more time, it didn't look dark but was bathed in the twilight shine of the sun. The sun rays playing through the tree across his window were drawing a magical pattern on the wall reminding him of the artist he knew and...likes. He wonders if she still draws only doodles or does more canvas work with paint brushes behind her ears. She was so excited the day she won that art contest. He was so proud of her and she was so pleased when he told her so. He was sincerely happy for her, joining art classes, winning an art contest and moving on..from ROY. He would have known what her art looks like now if he had gone to that “Art show”. He can’t believe nobody from the office went except Oscar and Michael. How could they do that to her?!? He remembered her inviting them all shyly and with that glimmer in her eyes. The shine only her Art brings in her. It’s not like they had their heart broken too by her by going back to her old ways. It’s not like she made them feel that she would go out with literally anybody, twice with ROY, even flirting with that stupid Ben Franklin but not him. It’s not like everybody had their reason to be mad at her for doing this to him, making him feel like he could never be enough and almost forcing him to ….not like her in those moments. He wanted to be indifferent, not care and just forget about everything until he would see her and God dammit. And she chose Roy over him everytime who didn’t care about her, didn’t let her sign up for that graphic design internship and let her waste her talent in the dead end job.

He remembers seeing her drawing of the office that Michael framed and felt great respect for his boss and deep pride for Pam. It didn't last long because Roy came in just at that moment, who clearly has been to her art show, saw her amazing art and these “thoughtful” gestures which she appeared really happy about and then...he felt something weird. He was glad he did the right thing by not going, scrubbed off all the guilt for not showing up at such an important event of hers, and gave a pat on his back for his “evolving” version. He doubled up his efforts in his facade of a relationship to move on with Karen and was getting stronger..sort of until the night she said..well all that she said. It was not exactly a big declaration of her love for him and he tried to fool himself saying that it’s just their friendship she is referring to but there was a niggling in his head and he knew that it was more than that. And doing that in front of their well meaning but extremely obnoxious office mates was really brave and she did say how she felt no shame. He has to give her credit for that. While he was extremely embarrassed after his private confession slash instant rejection, she seemed content with what she did. Well in his defense, he said way too much and he felt extremely exposed while Pam’s words were veiled with cover of their long lost friendship. 

Someday, way ahead in future, he is going to go back to these thoughts and would admit Pam’s speech was as much a moment of love filled confession as in her step towards honesty and courage. 

He was already feeling drained with the memories and feelings it evoked in him that he was ready to fall into a restless slumber. He turned to his side, only to have his sight fall on his bedside table where the clock indicated that it’s an hour before his dream date. That thought gave him the second wind he needed. He got up, straight to shower and ready to wash off all the ...unpleasant. 

It was 6:30 p.m. when he was out of his door, whistling and making his way to his car. He made a stop to pick a bouquet because who goes on his first fantastic date without flowers for the girl...of his dreams… He checked the map again for Pam’s address which was on the side of the town he hadn't been much before. While driving he observed why, it was a little sketchy area with ..well people on the street who didn't seem like they have a permanent home. They seemed harmless and mostly occupied within themselves but the neighborhood definitely felt a little rowdy compared to his area. He would have definitely nudged her towards a locality like his instead of this one. He wondered why she chose this place, only to answer his question a second later - it must be cheaper. It never occurred to him before that now that Pam is living alone on her receptionist salary, there must be so many choices she had made. He had a hard time moving to Stamford, from living in a hotel for a month before finding a place. He was alone and lonely but he would be lying if he said that he didn’t have the comfort of his earnings. It must have been different for Pam, who hasn’t done this before as far as he remembers.His eyes fell on the vast garden right in her street. It also had a trail for runners and bikers. He made a mental note that it would be perfect for his morning run if he doesn’t wish to run down the streets among the crowds. He laughed at himself how he jumped from worrying over Pam living in a shady street to waking up at her place to find a good trail for running. 

He parked his car right at the building with a deep pink door which said 324 in Gold. He took a deep breath, picked up the little bundle of lilies and stood at the main door. It struck him just then that Pam forgot to mention her apartment number. He was contemplating texting or calling her to know he was there when a voice from the intercom startled him “Hey Halpert ! Got a Hot date at apartment no.11?!?!”

He could hear the tease in her voice when his mouth took control on it’s own and he whispered back “The hottest !!”.

She took a moment before responding “Don’t keep her waiting now”.

Pam was already showered and dressed up by 6. She was so full of nerves that the only thing keeping her from exploding was getting ready for the date. It felt like if they couldn’t work it around this time, they never would. 

She almost picked the red top she bought online before remembering the fiasco of the date she had wearing that number. No more bad luck tonight, she ditched it for a silk top in copper color. It had buttons in the front which gave an impression of a shirt  but it was actually just a top with silk ties at the neck. It was fancy to go with her fancy new Beesly image and little form fitting too but not revealing enough for her to make self conscious all evening. She didn’t feel Jim would stare at her like that anyway or probably she wouldn’t mind if he did. She felt lightheaded over the thought of enticing..Jim with her attire. She laughed at herself, reminding how Jim may not really care what she ends up wearing considering he liked her when she would wear the most boring clothes at work. But she wanted to look nice for him just as much for herself. This is not a casual day out with her best friend but a date she has been hoping for a ….very long time..

She realized she has got time so she worked on taming her hair a bit. She didn’t have enough time to curl them like last time she did it for him. A stabbing reminder that he didn’t even notice her hair or her cardigan, or her happiness to see him and to start over. She brushed her hair a little too roughly only to wince in pain and ended up tying them up in Barrett like everyday. She felt a bit too bitter to do more. She put her brush down and went in her closet to look for the tallest heels she had. With Jim’s height, it does take a bit of effort to come next to his shoulders, if not higher. She picked black peeping toe wedges she bought in discount deals. She will never admit to anyone that she bought those in the hopes of this day almost a year back. With her limited budget, partial refunds and moving out of Roy’s place, she was on a tightrope. She went in to try returning her pumps she bought for the wedding when she saw this pair. While it took a lot of effort to return her $200 worth pumps for meagre $50 in return, she still bought the Black wedges with that money in the hopes they’ll be worth it someday. She was happy to finally take them out of their hibernation after months in her closet.

It was only a quarter past 6 and she was not sure what she should do next. Not wanting to sit idly going mental with the energy she was experiencing, she started sorting her place. It took her a total of 5 minutes to get everything in order, with the tiny size of her apartments and her minimalistic furniture. She moved to the bedroom contemplating if she should put the floral bed sheets in place of her snoopy ones before admonishing herself for getting carried away. This is the first date and hopefully there will be more and perhaps one day he will get to see or may be feel her floral bed covers and blanket but tonight he has to do with snoopy  She has waited for a very long time for this moment and she is going to relish every part of this journey, no rush this time.

With nothing else to do, she was at her window staring out at the street waiting for him to appear with every car that drove by. His Saab came 10 minutes later and she felt her heartbeat quickening. She turned around to get to her door only to remember that she never told him her unit number and sallied instead to the intercom next to it.

Jim climbed up the stairs inspecting each door passing, looking for number 11 to find it all the way down the corridor, partially opened with Pam standing and waiting for him. This is the sight he is going to remember till the end of the time, Pam waiting for him with that beautiful smile at her door. She looked vibrant in the silk top and the dark jeans that he had never seen before. He couldn’t help feeling a little cheer for she has probably dressed up for him. Her smile only widened at his identical one before they entered her home together, shutting the door behind.

She congratulated him on founding his way to her place and Jim silently added “finally’ in his head. He gave her the bouquet he got for her 

“ Great start there Halpert, full points on the choice of flowers' ', she raised her eye brows but with a playful smile.

He quickly added “I looked for sunflowers and lilies but the florist was all out of them, so roses is all I got”. He silently added in his head “And one single peach rose because I really like those”. He remembered Pam talking about her favorite flowers and centerpieces, during the days she was planning for her wedding. As much as overhearing the conversation hurt him, he couldn’t help filing in her favorite flowers bunch to his memory. 

“ Thank you”. They are gorgeous.” Taking a moment to regard the flowers she shared “ I did like the mix of colours in roses and other flowers for a very long time. I thought white roses were ordinary and would need to be paired with shiny sunflowers and even lilies and more colors to look pretty, because that’s all I had seen. It took me a while to see beauty in roses and now I don’t think they need any other kinds but just perhaps one of it’s own and they’ll be perfect.”

Jim didn’t know if they were still talking about the flowers. She then took the only peach flower out and he looked at her curiously masking the hurt - “She doesn’t like it, no big deal. It’s just one rose and not really a sign that he doesn’t know her anymore to even pick flowers for her”. His train of thought staggered when  she gave it to him, before he could open his mouth in question, she turned around and asked him to set it up on her barrette. He did so with shaking hands and thumping heartbeats. She turned back saying - “I loved this one the most”, looking at him intently. He could kiss her at that moment but instead cleared his throat “Beesley, where are your guest etiquettes ?!? Two seconds in the door and you have put him to work at your whims, when I am going to get introduced to Pam’s fancy new apartment”.

She apologized solemnly  “My bad Sir, Please allow me to lead you for the grand tour of Pam’s Bachelorette Pad”, and extended her arm to link with him.

He felt the little tingle where their forearms touched while she turned them to face her living area and started commenting “Straight ahead you can see my TV cabinet which doubles as a reading shelf  right next to my art station. If you allow yourself a little shift on the left, you would see my one kitchen which they call an open concept kitchen by the way, and the counter that also serves the purpose of the dining area.”

She was working hard to control the grin on the brink of breaking on her lips while turning Jim slowly to take the place in. It was a very simple apartment with very little furniture , actually just a big couch, and only a couple of bar stools in place of chairs next to the kitchen platform. Her art studio consisted of a couple of easels, many paintings leaning on the wall next to it, perhaps work in progress since they were all covered with translucent paper, and paints with paint brushes scattered all around. She also had little paper birds hanging from the ceiling, but these ones were colored and different shapes. 

Pam looked at Jim’s face, taking it all in , through the periphery and her bravado slipped a bit. She self consciously tucked her hair behind her hair and said “It’s not much, but it’s home”. He looked down at her and said “It’s home”. She looked up eying him in question before he corrected himself “It’s perfect”.

She felt a warmth filling her up and his proximity was not helping so she broke away and moved to her kitchen asking if he would like water or anything else to drink. He was disappointed at loss of skin contact and reprimanded himself for not feeling the bravery to hold her hands again. He said he is alright and Pam continued the house tour inviting him to follow her when she pointed to her bathroom door - “This is the powder room” she said in her fake british accent, and then pushed the bedroom door across it and almost fell down, slipping on the rug. She quickly took support from the wall - “I am okay”  and that’s when Jim observed her high heels. He has never seen Pam in one of those and wondered if that too is part of the new Pam. 

Pam led him with her beckoning hands showing where her bed was and Jim was barely able to contain himself. He would never admit it but he has fantasised about this very scenario hundreds of times, each time ending up with feet off the floor and clothes off the bodies. Her room was ..cozy..with her bed, night table on only one side, closet too big for the room’s geometry and a small window facing the neighboring building. It was nothing like Karen’s , there was no coordination of wood material of different furniture pieces she had, or spacing in between yet it felt so much more home-like. His favorite part remained the bed in the centre of the room. Pam was still talking and looking up at him expectantly for an answer until he realized that she was asking him a question. He took a moment too late to fix his expressions and heat rising on his face before Pam caught him staring at her bed. She whacked his arm and chided him playfully “Just do it and let’s get it over with”.

 Jim’s eyes widened in fear if she had read his mind and went blank. 

“C'mon I know you want to” 

“You have no idea,” he whispered quietly.

“Okay Halpert, let me make this easy for you” and Jim pinched himself if this is indeed one of his dreams.

“......”

“I sleep with Snoopy, yes and I like it” 

They looked at each other and laughter ringed in the tiny bedroom. Jim took the opportunity to distract himself from the inviting atmosphere  and peeked at his watch, reminding her that they have their reservation in 15 minutes..

Pam quickly apologized for losing track of time and started shuffling towards the door , Jim headed up the same moment before they both collided the too narrow for two people door frame and Pam almost slipped again this time clutching Jim’s shoulder to get back her balance. He raised his eyebrows at her before she raised her hand looking away “Not a word Halpert”. 

He laughed and they both headed to the door before she remembered to take her crossbody purse, and walked with extreme caution to avoid further slips. She was carefully looking down before each step before Jim extended his hand to her “Ready?”

She looked up, his face had no sign of ridicule but sincerity she found very familiar.

She linked her palm around his arm, leaning into him and set out for the date, which is going to change everything.

She linked her palm around his arm, leaning into him and set out for the date, which is going to change everything.

Jim opened the door to his car for her and closed it before settling in himself. He wanted to do everything right. This is Pam Beesley, if he won’t get this one right then what has he been working towards.

“It’s a nice car”

“Yeah. Thanks. It’s not too bad.”

And then it hit him that she is sitting in this car for the first time. She has driven with him before when he had a corolla and on those odd days when they drove together to run errands for their office. He bought Saab just last year, after his promotion- new city, new position and new car. The only girl who has sat in this car up until now was Karen, who was also sitting in the passenger seat just yesterday. They kissed each other's luck, this morning,  in this very car before heading for the interview. 

He saw the scented tissue box still lying on his dashboard. Karen preferred these mildly scented ones over regular. She had a very specific choice “Jim, I don’t want to trigger any allergies but I like the mild whiff”. He noticed Pam eying it, he wondered if she knew who it belonged to. Would it be too obvious if he would throw it out right now.

She hit play on his stereo to get some tunes, only to have hard rock playing. Another of Karen’s favorites. It surprises him how much deeper Karen had entered into his world despite him being distant. She looks up at him “When did you get in Rock”

“Umm..I was just trying some new music. I have been listening to same songs for so long, I thought I needed a change”

She was now staring at the stereo ,roaming her fingers at the buttons without pressing ,“I see..so did you like it? “

He took a beat before responding honestly ,“I did...for some time at least.”

 “Hmm…” His answer stopped her fingers and her smile reduced to pressed lips. 

“But then it was not me. I thought I could switch, mix it up a little bit you know. But then I couldn’t. I tried, I really did. Rock music is great but it’s not for me. My old sappy seems to go well with my original taste in music”

“Right…..” with that she switched off the music and looked down in her lap. 

It was perhaps 5 minutes later, when Jim felt at least 50, when he heard her talking again . 

“ I see it’s another automatic, so it looks like you dropped the idea of buying a stick afterall” she was looking at his centre console. 

Jim was happy for the turn towards more casual conversation. He was a bit surprised that she remembered this. He told her that he wanted to try driving a stick for some time and may buy a stick shift next time he gets a new car. It was more of an excuse to support his story when he was trying to get her to give him driving lessons. It warmed him that there are still parts of their history which don't pain when brought up. 

“Well yeah, I think I was still not confident enough.”

“Well  you did drop out of your lessons and we never got around trying the highways in dead winters’

He thought back to Roy announcing the date and Pam being “too busy” for the lessons and him ``too miserable” to even ask.

 “I still drive stick so if you ever wish to get back to your lessons anytime”

 ‘I would love that, ' he said earnestly, earning him a smile from Pam. 

They fell back in silence, their previous bravado slipping and nervousness setting in. 

There was never a time when they didn’t know what to say to each other, And then Casino Night happened and here they are exactly a year later, grasping for the right things to say.

Both of them felt the pressure, how high the stakes are and how much they wanted this to work. Both perhaps too afraid to say the wrong thing so just waiting for the other one broached a topic. Any topic..no..Any safe topic. 

There was still a lot unspoken and none of them was bold enough to take the first step. 

Pam, working on her nerves ,observed Jim from her periphery, driving comfortably. Feeling a little jealous that he has got his steering to hold something and keep himself occupied while she is left to pull and press on her fingers.

“So where are we going?”

Jim, a little relieved that she is the one trying once again, looked at her.

“Well, that’s a surprise and so how about you make a guess here. It’s something you know”

“Oh okay let me see...is it going to be one where they serve really good Tuna?” while her voice sounded serious, he could still see the trace of a smile working through the corners of her lips.

“Well, that would be Chilli but I guess someone is not allowed in there anymore after their delinquent behavior” He shot back with the same contemplative tone with a playful challenge in his eyes.

“They serve really good Chicken Parmesan too” she sighed, pouting dramatically.

“Are we regretting our actions now”

“Never regret anything that made you smile” she grinned back at him knowing full well that he would know the reference. She was not disappointed when his eyes twinkled and he started laughing calling her a dork.

“I regret nothing about Chilli’s night” she blurted, before her nervousness took over and she looked straight up while he went quiet at her admission.

Jim felt butterflies hearing her say that and wanted to ask her more what she meant. But he didn’t want to go there yet and risk disappointment if she is only referring to her stealing those thousand drinks all night and it has nothing to do with their first kiss. He pushed the thought aside and focussed back on the night in hand.

“I found this new place on my way to the office today. They are opening tonight. It’s called “Barbeque Berg” “

Pam felt a little better at the thought that he picked a place where he has never taken Karen. Scranton is a small town and she is not stupid to belive that they haven’t been to all or at least most places already. Roy and her have been to most except the expensive ones.

The flashy board saying “Opening Night” appeared and he  parked the car and climbed out real quick before opening the door for her. 

They walked in together,Pam working on her nerves to hold his hand before he stuffed them in his pocket. Pam smiled slightly at his typical ‘Jim-like” action.

They were seated by the window, across from each other in a cozy two person table. Despite the absence of any touching or a visible sign of affection, it felt like the usher just knew that they had something going which is …special.

*******************************************************************************

“So yeah Jan left with much of a show.” he was concluding what he witnessed in New York. 

“Oh My God. Jan really ?!? . Pam looked genuinely sympathetic towards Jan. The feeling which was surprisingly missing in Karen at that time. The thought reassured Jim a bit about the choice he made today.

“.......... and I feel sad for her. I know she is dating Michael and that kinda gives away a sense of her mental state but this still feels a little cruel. And not to mention what she did to win him big, pretty huge” she gave a cheeky smile at that. 

“That’s what she said,'' he laughed. 

“Well that was predictable Halpert. Looks like you are losing your touch there “

“Go Big or Go Home ?”

“Really Jim, looks like you are spending way too much time with Michael and Kevin. Is that  your secret project with him?”

“Well I am a man of many secrets”

“Really?, so what’s your secret to impress a girl on the first date, because so far….it’s not working “ and she grinned at him, teasing. 

“Well one time I met Blue Angels, how is that for a good impression?”

“Ehh…” she mocked casually, while smirking with her eyes in an almost “Wow”

“Well speaking of flying people, I saw the infamous Ghost when I worked at a diner for a summer job.”

“For real ?? Oh Boy !!Pam and her dangerous adventures.”

“Well you know me, I like to live on the edge. “ she smirked and they guffawed together.

Jim felt a strange nostalgia about the moment. Pam and him, cracking jokes with those subtle hints of flirting. Except this time she won’t be returning to her “fiance” and him to his empty apartment and emptier heart. This was different from how he was with Karen.With her he knew what to expect but with Pam, there is so much of…unpredictability. She shocked him when she went with Roy that night but then he made peace with himself that this is what Pam meant to be…with Roy forever. But then she went ahead and confronted him at the Beach in the waters - asking him right in the eye why he is not her friend anymore .And now they are flirting and he doesn’t know anymore what to expect. He wants to be all hopeful like how he was just a year ago but then he remembers the painful moment of “I can’t’ and ‘best friend” and he wants to shield his heart once again. He can’t let her have the same power on his heart like that. He is going to take this slow. He’ll be more cautious, like Ross from friends - Unaagi. Thought made him chuckle to himself.

“What now Halpert? You find me amusing now”

Their server appeared at that moment to take orders for their drinks refill, saving Jim to explain himself. Pam ordered another coke, while Jim said “On the rocks please”, earning another laugh from Pam and excused himself for the restroom.He just needs a moment to gather himself and not get too carried away. 

Pam thought of how she is having so much fun. In fact this is the most she enjoyed in a very long time in someone’s company in the past one year. She could count on her fingers when she laughed this much and felt all happy. It was that Diwali eve when she just danced and got to see a new festival - well that night ended in her texting Jim and him ignoring her. Then the Christmas Party she planned with Karen - ending with Jim and Karen going home together while she went home alone. It was definitely fun playing that prank on Jim but that only ended him avoiding her for following weeks. It’s an interesting irony that each of these times Jim has been the reason for ruining those moments, and today he is the reason to make it right for her.  

****************************************************************************************

They were onto their last course when Pam mentioned  “Today, Dwight asked me to be his “Secret Assistant to the regional Manager. And I said - ``Absolutely I do” they voiced together. 

Jim said Jinx and smirked at her.

She raised her eyebrows at him asking what he was playing at. He eyed her bottle of coke and then her with a challenge in his eyes. She pushed it to him and he took a sip, taking a big swing. His lips are exactly where hers were just a moment ago and this felt intensely intimate and they are nowhere near kissing yet. She felt her breathing hitching with thought and asked “So now Jinx allows you to steal someone’s half empty coke bottle ?”

“Well I look at it as half full. What can I say Beesly, I am an optimist.”

“And I find that very Hot” she blurted and quickly looked down, eyes popping out in embarrassment.  She stole a quick glance at Jim who looked pleasantly surprised.  

“Well, Thank you,'' he winked at her. 

Pam looked at him intensely with a smile he couldn’t really decipher but made him feel all hot inside- resonating her previous wods . And that was Jim’s cue to fish for another topic before he jumped across the table and kissed her. 

“So, tell me more about the Adventures of the Secret Assistant to the interim Regional Manager at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. “ 

That was somehow the perfect thing to say because Pam had this gleam in her eyes, recalling her day when Dwight shared the history of paper with others in the conference room. 

“He is really an idiot”

‘He is not that bad…”

Beesly, are you going soft on Dwight now. Something going on that I should know.

She wanted to tell him about how it was Dwight who offered her the shoulder to cry on when she broke down seeing him with Karen or how he was the only one who did not comment on her broken wedding when she returned to work and how he was the only one who somehow knew how much she was missing Jim because she knows he did too. But she just added that he is one great entertainment at the office. 

“.................. and so yeah, he was talking about different soils and manure and it was like a scene out of a badly made documentary”. That brought peals of laughter to both of them. 

“So how about a movie tomorrow? A real one this time. What do you think?”

“I can't.”

I can't. 

And his smile dropped just like that. His heart constricted, the words echoing too deep, the bruise in heart flaring up. 

The ringing in his ears reminded him how this is a mistake just like he dreaded. She is not interested in him, in a real relationship with him. She just wanted to be friends again. She just wishes to play pranks and smile and steal his heart with those warm eyes of hers. And rip it to shreds because she can't offer more. She can't be more.

Her amused smile turned into confusion looking at the myriad of emotions playing on his face. It took her a moment to realize that it's her words that have caused that heartbreak in his eyes, yet again. 

She can't screw this, not again. She quickly added “I have my art class at 8 tomorrow. There won't be any time for movies but could we have an early dinner ?” She looked up expectantly.

He was still struggling to keep his eyes from tearing up when her words rang back to him. She is asking him for dinner. She is not turning him down, not trampling his heart, not…. rejecting him….not this time.

When he didn't respond right away, she panicked more and held his hand. She was fishing for ways to somehow communicate to him that she needs his trust, that how much this chance means to her and she is going to do everything in her power to not lose it ...to not lose him.

Before he could respond, she blurted " I'll cook and I can work this out". Now it was his turn to be amused. His eyes enquired if she was baiting him, he could tell she is really trying. It was as if she knew what those words did to him and perhaps to her as well. Evidently, that night had not broken just one heart and not injured just one soul. The way her fingers are holding onto his hand for her dear life - She is as desperate for this to work as he is. The realization made him feel empowered. The weight in his heart was getting lighter when he responded that he would love to do that. 

Her heart soared hearing him agree to her offer. It's that feeling you have when you come down a slope in a roller coaster ride. It's exhilarating yet scary. It took her a really long time to admit to herself that he has that power on her. To make her feel everything so intensely, to make her and break her apart in a single moment.

She just smiled, half with relief and other half with fright- stakes are high, too high this time. They were silent when the check came, still absorbing the heavy weight of the moment, of the words and what it means to them.

She was still holding his hand when he signaled, raising his eyebrows that he may need it to get his card after failing to retrieve it from just one hand, ruffling through his wallet. That broke the spell and she grinned at his smiling face and let go. 

" So you have a class tomorrow, what's your schedule like?". She already saw a hope in his question. He wants to know when she would have time to see him, and she felt like a teenager ready to squeal.

She shared she has 7 classes in 2 weeks, Fridays, Saturdays, every other Sunday, and Mondays. He laughed that it's interesting how she got this social life killer timetable. "So it's true that being an artist means you have to feel miserable and tragic more than others. Who wouldn't if they are made to attend school on all good days of the week?!". She gave a nervous laugh and almost let him believe that. 

They started towards the door before Pam stopped and suggested they take a walk. With Jim’s winning smile they were ready to just stroll in the area aimlessly, enjoying the evening breeze.

“So Beesly, with your crazy schedule for these art classes, how did you take out time to hang out with your mum? Something you never liked missing?”

She knew she could throw a wit, winking that she has her ways. Or go nerdy at him saying how she is using Hermione's time turner to add money hours to her day. In the end she chose honesty.

“Actually I picked those days for classes. They also have a schedule which is more in the middle of the week than the weekend’’. 

"I chose to do Friday and Saturdays because they're the loneliest. At least they were until…. Today"

He went quiet at this. He knew the loneliness, courted it for a longer time than he would care to admit. While he had his share of distractions in Katy and Karen, the seclusion would often take over his heart, covering him in darkness where his feelings would take refuge. He is aware of the pain and the hurt, and how it triple folded when work couldn't offer him the false sense that he was okay.

He was traveling through his painful memories when he heard her still talking. " ….and timing was good enough that I could still go for poor Richard with others while having an easy escape in case they get too much" she laughed mischievously.

" Why Monday then"?

"Monday Michael" 

He nodded in understanding. Michael gets a little extra Michael on Mondays like he equally hated and loved the start of the week.. Either way, it would be insane and everybody needs a dose of ibuprofen at the end of the day or a glass of wine, sometimes both.

“So is there a way to change the schedule towards more in the middle than weekends?” He asked casually, failing to hide the hope underneath.

The urge to say yes to whatever Jim asks was really strong but she reminded herself - not this time. She gently shared “Actually, these ones are almost over and I’ll be signing up with new ones soon so maybe I could take a different schedule for those.” There was a promise hidden in those words, suggesting that they will be together then too and that was enough for Jim to respond with a satisfactory smile.

They made their way to the car when Pam started “.......so about tomorrow…”

“I am working tomorrow. I withdrew my leave. I think there is more interesting stuff at the office that I wouldn’t want to miss” he glanced at her softly.

“And Karen….?”

Suddenly the air shifted and they knew it’s time to step out of their bubble. Jim didn’t take her name and Pam didn’t bring her up until now. It’s like they both have been walking through the maze, avoiding the giant dragon .

Jim took a breath in, before saying ‘I don’t know”

Pam looked up at him expectedly, waiting for him to elaborate while he was looking anywhere but her. Pam felt that he is searching for a joke on the street or the park beside, anything to avoid talking about Karen. She took mercy and  initiated “So, Michael withdrew from the corporate position. So will you be our new boss ?”

Jim smiled slightly, thanking her silently for not pushing him to spill everything that happened today with Karen. Even when he was sharing about Jan's debacle, Pam never prodded about his own interview or where they stand. She has been patient and kind and just….perfect.

He missed this ‘ease’. When she could just pick up when he wants to discuss or when he needs time. There is so  much to unpack here. What he did today, why he did it and how much is it because of her. Maybe spilling it all out will loosen him up a bit.

The last time he wanted to share something this big about his job with Pam was how he applied for a position in Stamford and he is going before the “wedding”. Instead of telling her just that, he spilled his guts about love and “more than that” that left his heart broken, friendship ruined and him packing his bags over the weekend than going a week later.  Is he ready again to tell her about today? Tell her that once again, one of his big career decisions was her, all her. And in the process he even managed to break another girl's heart. How deep he is into it already and they are not even past the first date. 

Walking in silence, he could feel that Pam is waiting, though patiently, but still waiting for a response and he can’t stall anymore. He took the time to shove the dark feelings, he decided to stick to things that happened than why it happened. Maybe he could do this ‘why” for another day.

“I don’t know, I think I should stay a salesman for some more time and annoy the hell out of Dwight before doing the big jump” he stated solemnly but his eyes gave away and both chuckled.

“Yeah, that makes sense. How would it feel if a Vice President is walking the branch, acting like a vampire, ready to suck blood out of their top salesman”

Pam remembers that day vividly. It was her Art show that evening and she was full of nerves. After inviting everyone for the show, except him she was back on fidgeting in her chair. She couldn’t bring herself to talk to him about the exhibition after his strange coldness towards her since Phyllis’ wedding. But secretly hoped he would see the flier in the kitchen and will come anyway. To distract herself from all the anxiety for her show, she was back on focusing on his estranged friend who was milking the opportunity of having the bat in the office. He teamed up with Karen (once again) and was driving Dwight crazy. She was successful in taking her mind off the show for that bit, but couldn’t ascertain if it was the prank or just the pain of seeing them together.

Pam mini reverie stopped at Jim’s next words. 

“Ouch Beesly. Are you calling Dwight a better salesman than I am”, Jim put a hand on his heart with an expression of fake hurt.

“Well, I thought someone said that “If I become top salesman at Dunder Mifflin Paper Co. then shoot me because I am ruined before repair” she put her fingers up in quote unquote, raising his eyes at him with the same smirk she has many times in the past.

“Touche” he conceded with a deep sigh and they both smiled at each other.

Things were back to being easy, being simple and being them that Jim was inching towards talking about them again instead of Dwight, Dunder Mifflin or KAREN. But before he could try another digression Pam asked “So what’s it going to be” and he could tell from the light in her eyes that he can’t get away this time with a joke. 

Old Pam would have been okay about his jokes and silences and they would have moved to safe topics by now but this Pam seems a bit more determined. It was just how she was that night at the Beach, demanding Jim to say something,  anything to her brave confession.

“I was in the interview and realized along the way that I wanted different things. I told them that I can’t pursue it any further and that corporate isn’t for me. It was really great but just not right for me ”

Pam took a moment to absorb his words, almost nodding in understanding before shaking her head ever so slightly and prodded  “But you called for that interview. I thought you wanted that position and whatever comes with it”

Jim knew that they weren't talking about just the job anymore. He was not sure how much he was ready to discuss at the moment, fearing he’ll say way more than he should and will scare her away with his feelings. He has promised himself to take things slow so he has to be careful before spilling his heart’s deepest secrets again.

At the end, he chose honesty “I did, yes. It was going well. It felt like something I wanted. I wanted to want it, I really did. But then something happened…” and at this he looked straight at her.

‘And everything felt different and I thought it wouldn’t be fair to anyone to pretend like it’s my desire because it’s not. My heart wanted something else and there were no more confusions and I chose to come back” his smile dropped by this point and he was gazing at her with intensity, daring her to ask more.

But this time Pam knew better to ask any further. She knew exactly how it feels the moment when the awareness comes to you and you stop pretending. When you listen to your heart and you set yourself free.

“I am glad that you made this choice. To go for what your heart wanted”. She appeared to be in awe of of his words when hers came out softly. 

“Me too” 

They realized they came very far from the car while taking this stroll and turned around to make their way back. Both of them enjoying the comfortable silence when Pam clasped his hand gently, looking ahead and smiling to herself, whispering “me too”.