Patch Up Your Tapestry by WanderingWatchtower
Summary: Pam makes a different choice on Casino Night. Loosely based on Taylor Swift's song Champagne Problems
Categories: Jim and Pam Characters: Jim/Pam, Pam/Roy
Genres: Angst, Drama, Fluff, Romance
Warnings: Mild sexual content
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Completed: Yes Word count: 10783 Read: 7009 Published: May 22, 2021 Updated: October 03, 2021
Story Notes:
Dedicating this one to my girl and long-lost twin on her birthday. Happy birthday, Aly!! Disclaimer: I don't own The Office, Taylor Swift, or her songs, but they kind of own me.

1. Chapter 1 by WanderingWatchtower

2. Chapter 2 by WanderingWatchtower

3. Chapter 3 by WanderingWatchtower

4. Epilogue by WanderingWatchtower

Chapter 1 by WanderingWatchtower
She shuts the door behind her, turning the knob as she does so it won’t make a noise when it closes, as if the sound of her beating heart isn’t deafening anyway. She hears Roy before she sees him, his snores echoing off the walls of their tiny apartment and his sleeping profile lit up by the flickering lights of the TV, now showing late night infomercials she used to watch as a kid when she couldn’t sleep. Her eyes linger on him, guilt running over her as she thinks about the way they had grown up together. She knew everything about him. Not to say she understood it all, but he was a pretty open book. Predictable. Their life together was predictable.

Until now, that is.

Quietly, she tiptoes past him, momentarily thinking she should pull the blanket up over him but deciding against it. She doesn’t know if she wanted to be that close to him right now. Not after tonight. Entering their bedroom, she slips off her periwinkle dress and drapes it over the chair in her room, running her hands over it slowly, tracing where his hands had touched it, held her.

”You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

She raises her fingers to her lips, grazing over them lightly. Though the office had been dim, every moment flares in her memory. His lips, his hands, the pleading relief she caught in his eyes after they came up for air. The deep rumble of his voice and the lingering scotch on his lips.

”Me too. I think we’re just drunk.”

She grabs a crumpled t-shirt and a pair of baggy pajama bottoms from the floor and slips them on, then pulls the pins out of her hair, one by one, letting the curls fall over her shoulders. Stepping into the bathroom she takes out her contacts and washes her face. She wipes her face with the towel and peers at herself in the mirror. The reflection is her, of course, but there’s something different now. Something unrecognizable, but somehow familiar all at the same time. Her green eyes reflect change, and change isn’t something she’s accustomed to.

”I’m not drunk, are you drunk?”

”No…”

Pam slips under the covers in her bed and pulls them up to her chin. She’s exhausted but also knows sleep will likely evade her. Her phone buzzes on her nightstand.

Jim Halpert: Try to get some sleep. I’m always here if you need me. -J

Jim leans in for another kiss and her head is screaming at her to stop him while her heartstrings pull him toward her at full speed. But for once, she lets her heart choose. It’s tentative at first, as if Jim isn’t sure she’s going to let him continue kissing her. Even she can’t believe she’s letting him. But his hands snake around her back and she can feel the smile on his lips. Suddenly a rush of every feeling she has ever suppressed for him flows to the surface and she parts her lips, hoping that maybe he will know. Know that she wants him, that she’s been blind, that they have so much time to make up for.

His hand slides up her back and into her hair. Hers run down his chest but instead of pushing against him like she thinks she probably should --she's engaged, after all--she takes a handful of his sweater and tugs him closer. Her eyes roll back as she feels his tongue against hers and nothing has felt more right, more clear.

After what seems like an eternity and a millisecond all at once he pulls back and puts his forehead against hers, eyes closed but a smile playing on his lips.

"I love you so much," he whispers, his hands cupping her cheeks.

She places a soft kiss on his lips because that is a proverbial line she can't quite get herself to cross yet, confessing her love to him while she wears another man's ring on her finger. She kisses him again to keep the words from spilling out.

"Jim," she whispers, breaking away, and she can feel his shoulders tense under her hands. She places her palm on his cheek and gives him a soft smile. "No, I...I think I want this. I
do want this."

He looks down. "But you have to figure some things out first."

She shrugs and nods slowly, keeping their eyes locked.

"Okay," he says quietly. "Can I at least drive you home?"


Pam stares at the text message on her phone. She even runs her finger over the screen as if she's touching him as he says the words and she feels a flutter in her stomach. But at the same time, she's laying in a bed she shares with Roy. The reality of an ending had slowly begun to set in as soon as she entered back into this apartment that's so clouded in history. She's been with Roy so long that he's woven into so many of her life's tapestries and she's not sure how she's possibly going to shred them and remain intact herself. She looks down to her phone again, to Jim's promise of always. And she realizes, that even though Roy has been such a defining structure in her life, she's not sure he could ever make that same promise to the extent she actually believed it.

So she makes her choice.

They are going to Roy's cousin's graduation party the next day, but afterward, Pam would find a way to pick apart the threads of her decade-long relationship and begin something new.


*********


She manages to avoid Roy most of the morning while they get ready for the party, and the drive there is filled with nothing but the sound of sports radio. There's an underlying panic that is settled in her chest, knowing that she's hours away from the most difficult conversation of her life up until this point. She just has to make it a few hours at this party, pretend things are normal, and then she can face the demons.

They arrive at the venue and are greeted by Roy’s mother. Immediately, Pam’s chest clenches upon seeing her. Patricia Anderson has known her since she was 16. She could be a little overbearing and coddle her grown sons a little too much for Pam’s liking, but she meant well and had always treated Pam like family. The realization hits her that this choice she’s making doesn’t just affect Roy. There will be a whole wake. His mom pulls her into a hug.

“Hi, Pammy. So glad you could make it!”

“Hey, Patsy!” She winces at how much she overcorrects her voice to mask the nervousness.

Patsy walks to Roy and hugs him. She pulls back and pats his cheek and mentions something about bringing him dinner a few times this week. Once inside, Pam sees a room of people that she’s gotten to know over the years. Aunts, uncles, cousins. Even family friends. The Anderson clan was very tight-knit, even on the extended level, and at this point she thinks she could probably name every person in the room. Normally, that feeling would bring her comfort. The Andersons were much different than her own family, but it was something familiar now. Expected. Comfortable. But now all she saw was a group of people that would most likely become basically strangers to her before she knew it. And she has to spend the next few hours pretending that isn’t the case.

It proves to be more difficult than she thought it would be. Every aunt asks about the wedding. Every cousin wants to plan a bachelorette party. Patsy is hanging around and doting on her more than usual, answering questions about the “big day” and how proud she is of Roy. And she is handling it, until she feels her phone buzz in her purse. She slips away politely to read the message.

Jim Halpert: Strongest girl I know, Beesly.

Her heart catches in her chest when she sees his name appear and all she wants to do is rush back to his side. She had opened her heart after guarding it for so many years with a lock and chain and now she was crawling out of her skin being around Roy's family, wearing this ring on her finger, lying to everyone.


They stand next to each other in the elevator and Pam can feel his eyes on her.

"You okay?"

She nods. And she means it. Jim's knuckles brush against hers and she slips her fingers through his, causing his lips to betray him and crack into that half smile that makes her dizzy.

"Good," he whispers.

The doors to the elevator pry open and they walk into the parking lot. Music is still playing in the warehouse. It's mingled with the low hum of conversation and Jim slides his hand away and puts it in his pocket. Pam knows it's out of caution but she instantly misses the feel of his hand in hers. He walks with her to the passenger side door of his car and unlocks it. As she turns to lower herself down, she feels his hand on the small of her back, helping her inside. She meets his eyes as she sits down and sees nothing but adoration in his gaze. What strikes her most, however, is that this isn't a new look. Jim has always looked at her this way. It's only now that she recognizes it for what it actually is.

As they pull out into the street, his hand finds hers again.

"Is this…"

She brings her other hand to their joined ones and gives a little squeeze. "It's good."

He lets out a nervous, but relieved, laugh. "I just know…" he swallows. "I just know I'm putting you in a weird position."

She notices his thumb graze over her engagement ring. Of course she has thought about Roy, but really her head had been spinning since Jim's confession in the parking lot. She tried to deny it then, after he told her he loved her. She tried to convince herself she didn't feel the same way, but even as the words of rejection spilled from her mouth in that parking lot, she knew she didn't believe them. Then he pressed her against his desk, kissed her, loved her despite it all, and for her there was no turning back. Once again, he knew her better than she knew herself. He knew she needed a second chance to listen to get heart.

They pull in front of her apartment building and Jim turns to her. His thumb rubs along her knee and she can tell he's trying to find the right words to say. His hand squeezes her knee slightly.

"I'm
really happy."

She nods. "Me too." Happy, shocked, nervous...at this point it all started to feel the same.

He looks to her. "But...I want to give you some time."

Pam's brow furrows.

"I just mean, I kind of sprung this on you. And you have no idea how happy I am that you feel the same way, but I don't want to do anything that will make you regret any of this. So, I'm here. Whenever you feel ready. I've waited this long, I can wait a little longer."

His mouth turns up in a sad smile and all she wants to do is kiss it.

"Roy and I have to go to this family thing tomorrow and then," she nods. "I'll talk to him."

"I don't want to…"

"Jim," she runs a hand down his cheek and his eyes close. "I'm going to talk to him. I'm nervous as hell, but I'm going to talk to him. I meant what I said. I want this," she whispers softly.

He places his hand over hers and leans forward to put his forehead against hers. She can feel his breath and it all becomes too much. She presses her lips against his and she feels him relax into her kiss. All too soon, he pulls back.

"We shouldn't," he utters softly.

She closes her eyes. "I know."

He runs a hand over her hair and smiles at her fondly. "Goodnight, Beesly."



And just like that, she can't do it any longer. She rushes into the main area, searching for Roy. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees him out on the landing with his brother Kenny. Hands shaking, she takes a deep breath and heads toward them.

"Kenny, can I have a second with Roy?"

Kenny scoffs. “What, didn’t get enough of him last night?”

“Kenny, get out.”

Taken back at her directness, Kenny raises his hands and walks through the door, closing it behind him.

“What the hell, Pammy. What was--”

“I’m calling off the wedding.”

Roy nearly drops his beer. She didn’t mean for that to be the first thing out of her mouth.

“You’re what?!”

Her surge of braveness dissipates as he stares at her in disbelief. “I...I don’t want…”

Roy sets his beer on the railing and faces her fully, hands on his hips and fury in his eyes. “Don’t want what?”

“I don’t want to be together anymore,” she squeaks out softly. “I want to break up.”

Roy runs a hand over his face and raises his eyes upward. She wants him to say something. Anything, really. His silence is often more intimidating than his words. Finally, he looks at her.

“What the hell, Pam? You do this here? What...why? Why now, all of the sudden? I mean...you’re actually serious?”

She does her best not to shrink against the wall. “I just think that we want different things and probably have for a while.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Roy,” her voice is stronger now. “We have been going through the motions for so long now. I don’t feel like you see me anymore. I don’t think we are as right for each other as we thought we were. And I just...I’m not ready to marry you.”

“We can postpone...wait a little longer…”

As hard as she tries, she can’t help but laugh humorlessly and roll her eyes. “Roy! We have been engaged for three years! More time isn’t what we need.” The tears are now stinging the corners of her eyes. “I’m done,” she says quietly.

He takes two steps toward her. “Pam…”

“I’m sorry, Roy,” she says sadly as she slips her engagement ring off. She pushes it into his palm and her tears begin flowing in earnest.

“What can I do?” he pleads quietly.

“Nothing,” she says honestly. “Just...tell your mom I’m sorry too.”

She tiptoes up to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. She tells him she’s going to call a cab and head to their apartment to gather some things and then spend the night at her sister’s. Roy just nods silently, looking down at the ring in his fingers.

Pam manages to escape the party, leaving a crestfallen Roy to pick up the broken pieces she left scattered on the landing. It felt a little like cowardice, but it was also the first time in her life she made up her mind about something and stuck to it, even though it was hard. There was something freeing about that. Even without Jim in the picture, she knew it was right.

But as soon as she enters her quiet apartment, the weight of her decision hits her square in the chest and the tears begin to fall. Not tears of regret, necessarily. She was still sure about her decision. But they were tears of uncertainty about the future, of ending a decade-long relationship that had become all she has really known, and the loss of familiarity and predictability.

Wiping her tears, she begins packing a bag. After stuffing in clothes and toiletries for a few days, she looks around the apartment. It strikes her that most of the things around their apartment don’t feel like “hers” anymore. It’s either Roy’s or something they share, but nothing she feels is solely her own. Except…

She walks into the kitchen and opens the cupboard. A smile spreads on her tear-stained cheeks as she pulls out the teal teapot. Usually it sits on her desk at work, but she had taken it home two weeks ago when she was home with the flu. She hugs it close to her chest and walks into her bedroom. Opening the drawer of the nightstand, she carefully pulls out a small box and lifts the lid. Inside are all the things that were once housed inside the teapot before she decided to finally use it for its intended purpose. She runs her fingers over the pencil, the hot sauce packets, the mix tape, until she reaches the bottom, where a familiar (albeit younger) face is looking back at her. She takes the picture out, and smiles, and tears begin to fall again. This time not out of uncertainty for her future, but because she realizes that she loves him and probably always has. And he’s been there all this time, consistent and constant.

She pulls out her phone, slips the picture into her back pocket, and dials.

”Pam?”

“I don’t want time,” she says, nearly cutting him off.

”What?”

“I don’t want time.”

”Okay,” he says, clearing his throat. ”Are you okay?”

“Yeah. But...can you...can you come pick me up?”

She can hear the smile in his voice.

”Be right there. See you soon?”

She sticks her bottom lip between her teeth and grins. “Yeah. See you soon.”

End Notes:
I have one or two more chapters planned for this, I think! Thanks for reading!
Chapter 2 by WanderingWatchtower
Author's Notes:
I'll be honest, I'm kind of flying by the seat of my pants with this story, but hopefully you like it! Thanks for reading!
The drive to Jim's apartment is quiet. Pam notices Jim's eyes linger on the small suitcase she placed in his backseat when he picked her up, but she's glad he doesn't ask any details. She's not quite sure she wants to dive into everything quite yet. For now, she's happy to simply be next to him, feeling the contentment his presence always seems to bring.

They pull into Jim's apartment just as the sun begins dipping behind the trees and he puts the car into park and kills the engine.

"You hungry, Beesly?" he asks. She thinks she can hear a strain of sympathy in his words.

She looks at him, this man that caused her to redirect the trajectory of her life, and offers a smile. "I could really go for a grilled cheese."

He lets out a breathy laugh and nods slightly. "I think I can manage that. Can I grab your…" he gestures to the backseat. "Or I can take you somewhere after? I don't…"

"You can grab it."

"Okay." She can tell he's trying not to smile but it's a losing battle. She realizes, however, that she always wants him to smile. And that she also really likes being the reason for it.

He gets out of the car and jogs around the front of it. She sees his hand raise up when he notices her reaching for her own door handle, so she playfully raises both of hers to where he can see them. He opens her door for her then retrieves her bag from the back.

"Mark's not home this weekend, so I can crash in his bed and you can take mine tonight if you want. I mean, if you plan on staying here. Tonight. Or...just whatever works best."

His fumbling is endearing and she can't help but chuckle to herself. But she also hadn't even thought about sleeping arrangements when she had called him earlier. Even still, she's surprised to feel a twinge of disappointment when he suggests separate beds.

"Yeah, I'll stay. At least tonight."

His smile brightens. "Alright, then."

She follows behind him as he leads the way to the front door. Jim sets her bag down, reaches into his pocket for his keys, opens the door, and gestures for her to go in before him.

She steps into the entryway, remembering the first and only time she had been here, and is suddenly filled with emotion. She had felt something that night, months ago in this place, but had dismissed it--swatted it away like she always did. And now she was back, this time with her whole world changing except for the one constant standing behind her. The one thing--person--who never changed.

She turns around quickly with tears brimming her eyes as she snakes her arms around him, firmly pressing her cheek against his chest. Jim instantly drops her bag on the floor and envelopes her. His hand strokes the back of her hair and he turns his head inward to kiss her head lightly. They stand there silently, wrapped up in each other, while Jim traces soft circles on her back. She was feeling everything, all at once. Fear, worry, and uncertainty, but somehow also, and maybe moreso, safety, comfort, and security. She bites back tears as long as she can, but hearing him gently say, “I’ve got you” into her hair proves to be too much. She squeezes him tighter and lets the tears fall.

They finally break apart and he takes her face in his hands, brushing his thumb across her cheek. She sniffles and looks at him.

“I’m okay.”

“You sure?” he asks softly.

She nods and offers a smile. He tilts her head up with his knuckles and presses his lips on her forehead, lingering there long enough for her to involuntarily close her eyes and lean into him. “It’s just...a lot. But I’m fine. I’m glad I’m here.”

“Me too,” he smiles, leaning back to brush a stray curl from her face. “Now how about that grilled cheese?”

They sit together at the small table in Jim’s kitchen, shoulders brushing occasionally as they eat their sandwiches. She stares at him after he takes a giant bite.

“What?” he asks through cheese and bread, shifting his eyes around.

Pam sets her sandwich on the plate and picks at the crust with her fingers.

“I called it off today. The wedding.”

Jim’s smile fades as he swallows sets his own sandwich down. “Yeah,” he clears his throat. “I guessed.” He holds up his left hand and wiggles his ring finger. “I just didn’t want to push you to talk about it if you weren’t ready to.”

Her heart flutters. In true Jim fashion, he is always putting her needs and feelings above anything else. She places her hand on his thigh and nods.

“I’m ready.”

They move their conversation to the couch in the living room. She sits facing toward him and takes his hand in hers and she recounts the day's events. She tells him how she felt after getting home the night before, how suddenly she felt out of place in her own life and desperately wanted to get out. How that, even though she’s terrified of change, this feels like the right thing to do. She admits she’s still scared, still a little unsure about her future or what comes next, but that she’s ready to figure it out. And she wants him there with her when she does.

While she’s speaking, Jim’s eyes never leave her. He lets her say everything she needs to say, never interrupting or trying to “fix” anything. He just listens. And the fact that truly being listened to feels like such a breath of fresh air, is only further confirmation to Pam that she made the right choice. The only regret she feels now is not realizing or believing sooner that she was actually worthy of being listened to.

Jim yawns, trying miserably to hide it, and Pam checks her watch. Somehow they had been talking for hours and it was now inching up on midnight.

"I'm so sorry. I should let you go to bed," she offers apologetically.

He quickly shakes his head and waves his hand. "Don't apologize. Please." His smile eases her worry. His hand rests back down on her knee. "I'm just happy you're here."

She rests her head on the back of the couch and looks at him as he inches slowly toward her. "Me too," she whispers.

Slowly, carefully, Jim presses his lips to hers. He pulls back slightly and Pam can almost see her own eyes reflected in his, now dark and deep. He seems to be asking a million questions through the silence, so she answers at least one of them by leaning back in, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, and kissing him without any reservation. It had only been about 24 hours since she last kissed him, but right now it felt like water in a drought, the only thing she needed to sustain her.

Jim runs his hand up her thigh as he deepens the kiss. The kisses are passionate and intense, but she swears she can feel his smile behind every one of them. His other hand glides up the side of her body and around her back, and instantly she needs to be closer to him. She turns her hips and swings a leg over his lap, straddling him as he leans back into the couch, pulling her with him as he does. She slips tongue against his and he lets out a sound that she can only describe as primal. He grips her hips and tugs her into him. She moans into his mouth and begins running a trail of kisses down his jaw and neck as he squeezes her hips with his fingers, digging in, clinging to her like she might somehow slip away.

She slowly moves her fingers between them to his belt buckle as she nips at his ear and back to his mouth. He groans, and to her surprise, grabs her hands to still them. He rests his head against hers and swallows hard.

"I want to," he starts with a whisper. "But," he leans back and cups her cheek. "Considering everything, I think we should take things…"

"Slow," she finishes quietly for him.

He squeezes his eyes shut in a grimace. "Yeah. Just for now."

She leans in and gives him a chaste kiss. "I agree."

His brows furrow. "You do?"

Pam slides off him and tries not to notice the way he discretely pulls a pillow over his lap to hide the evidence of her affect on him. "Yeah, I do. Probably best for both of us to...ease into things."

She rests her head on his shoulder and he kisses her temple lightly. "Then let's get you to bed, kid."

He pushes himself off the couch and turns to offer his hand to help her up. She takes it and doesn't let go until they reach his room upstairs. Leaning against the doorway, he looks at her with so much adoration that she briefly reconsiders the discussion they had just minutes ago and contemplates whether "going slow" includes grabbing him by the belt loops and dragging him into the bed behind them.

"I'm just down the hall if you need anything," he says, gesturing with his thumb.

"Thank you," she replies with a soft smile. "Goodnight, Jim."

"Sweet dreams, Beesly," he winks, then turns down the hallway.

Pam watches him until he enters Mark's room, then pivots around to look into her own sleeping quarters. It looks exactly the same as it did the night of Jim's BBQ when she had snuck away from the group only to be caught by the doc crew with Jim closely behind them. She didn't know what had compelled her to go there that night. Maybe it was that subconsciously she didn't want to hear Jim talk to Ryan about Katy anymore and his room was the nearest refuge, but deeper down she thinks it was probably because she had the innate desire to know everything about him. To unearth all that made up her best friend. She had found his yearbook and as the dorky little picture of James Halpert stared back at her, she remembers wondering, if only for a millisecond, how her life might be different if she had been high school sweethearts with that kid instead of the one she was still with at the time.

But she wasn't with her high school sweetheart anymore. That thought struck her as she sat on the bed and smoothed the blanket down. For the first time in her entire adult life, she wasn't with Roy. She wasn't with Roy and she was currently sitting on Jim's bed, missing him even though he was just on the other side of the hallway. The juxtaposition of those thoughts was a little hard to grapple with. She felt nervousness to be ending such a long chapter of her life, as anyone would, but also couldn't be more ready to start on the next page with Jim. It is strange to mourn a life she knows she doesn't want anymore while simultaneously wanting to move forward in a completely new direction.

After she changes into the one pair of pajamas she had packed in her small duffel bag, she goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth and take her contacts out. What she finds is Jim brushing his own teeth in a pair of plaid pajamas and gray t-shirt. She lifts her toothbrush and toothpaste.

"Care if I join you?"

Jim smiles over his toothbrush and opens his arms to welcome her in. She smiles, eyeing him out of the corner of her eye while she puts the toothpaste on the brush, and they silently brush their teeth together side by side, occasionally stealing glances and toothpaste-filled smirks. It felt like a glimpse into the possible future--getting ready for bed together, brushing elbows in a tiny bathroom. Only she can't wipe the thought that she wishes they would be retreating to the same bedroom afterward.

They finish up, Pam takes out her contacts, and hesitantly she puts her glasses on. Luckily, she packed her "cuter" pair, but she had always been a little self conscious wearing her glasses. Roy had made a few remarks about them when they moved in together and apparently those comments stuck with her.

Jim looks up at her and cocks his head, a smile playing on his lips.

"I know," Pam rolls her eyes. "Dorky."

Jim's face twists in confusion and he shakes his head. "I was going to say you look good in glasses." He reaches forward and straightens them jokingly. "Like, really good."

She blushes and shrugs. "Thank you."

He smiles back, then points out the door. "I guess I should…probably…"

"Oh, yeah. Me too."

They both leave the bathroom and take one more glance over their shoulders at each other before turning into their separate rooms. Pam pulls the covers down and slides between the sheets. She turns to her side and is met with a familiar smell from the pillow. It's Jim. More specifically, his aftershave. It was a smell she has come to know well from all the times he has leaned over her shoulder to point to a Solitaire move, or when she has moved in closer to him during a meeting to whisper something about Michael or Dwight, or when she is inadvertently pushed closer to him in a full elevator at 5:00 on a Friday. It was borderline intoxicating at this point to be in his bed, between sheets he probably didn't have time to wash, smelling his aftershave, all while the feel of his hands and lips were still tingling beneath the surface of her skin.

She rolls to her back and closes her eyes tightly. Taking it slow was the right choice. She had just gotten out of a decade-long relationship not more than 12 hours ago. It made sense to take a little space before jumping right into something new. So, for the next hour she tossed and turned, willing sleep to come, counting sheep that slowly morphed into yogurt lids, jellybeans, and then ultimately floppy-haired salesmen. She sighs deeply, then grabs her phone.

You awake?

She sets the phone lightly on the desk next to her and stares at it, not sure what she will even say if he is awake and responds. It stays still and silent until she hears light footsteps coming down the hall. Her stomach tightens and flutters in anticipation as the door creaks open. Jim's head pokes through.

"Can't sleep either?"

She sits up on her elbow and shrugs, shaking her head. "Guess I'm not used to sleeping alone."

That was a lie. There were countless nights where Roy passed out on the couch or was too drunk to make it home from Darryl's or Kenny's. But she says it anyway.

Jim smiles and looks down at the floor, before walking into the room and toward the bed. He flicks his head.

"Well, scoot over then."

She shimmies closer to the wall and Jim lifts the covers to sink down next to her, laying his arm across the pillow, inviting her to rest her head on him. She nestles under his chin and smiles against his chest as she feels him trace circles on her arm.

"Better?" he whispers against her hair.

She nods in agreement and suddenly, in the comfort of his arms and with the sound of his heart beneath her, she drifts easily off to sleep.

***

She feels him stir behind her and realizes they've shifted positions in sleep and now her back is flush against his chest with his arm draped around her waist. She's not fully awake--just awake enough to register the way being next to him stirs something within her. Sleepily, she runs her hand down his arm and intertwines her fingers with his, scooting back so she is even closer to him. Jim wakes slightly, and squeezes her fingers with his. She hears him let out a low hum as his nose brushes past her hair on her neck and places a warm kiss just above her shoulder, causing a warmth to pool low in her belly.

Almost subconsciously, she guides their joined hands under her shirt and nearly shutters when she feels his skin on hers. Pulling her tighter, he lifts his head to spread more kisses on her neck and shoulders, all while exploring her with his hands. She turns in his arms to face him, her senses now fully awakened even if her mind isn't quite there. She looks at him, his eyes still closed, not fully awake either, and runs her hands through his tousled hair, pulling his face toward hers. Their lips meet slowly at first, almost as if by accident, as Jim's hand travels up her back, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake.

Pam deepens the kiss, joining her tongue with his, pressing her body impossibly closer to his, wrapping her leg over him. Then he turns them slowly so he's on top of her, running his hands up her arms and pinning them above her head against the pillow when he finds her hands. He kisses her more, each kiss deeper than the next, as she involuntarily bucks her hips against him, craving more.

He pulls back for only a moment and she sees his eyes for the first time. She's now fully awake, body and mind, and she dissolves when he seems to see every part of her with just one glance. It's then that she realizes that this isn't jumping into something new. She knows this man, has probably loved him longer than even she herself knows, and she was ready to let him be the one to love her.

He gives her a wicked smile and begins kissing along her jawline and down her neck while his left hand creeps up her shirt. She dips her fingertips into the back of his pajama pants and lets out a soft whimper as his lips and fingers caress all the right places.

"What about taking it slow?" she manages to ask in a playful whisper, letting him know with her hands that she wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon.

She feels his smile and a low, breathy laugh against her neck. He presses his lips to the spot just below her ear.

"I can take it as slow as you want," he says in a husky whisper, right in her ear, and she unravels, fully and finally understanding what it means to be his and what she has been missing all this time.

***

It takes a moment for her surroundings to come into focus as she stirs the next morning. It's the bare planes of Jim's shoulders and back that bring her from dreaming to reality, and it's a reality she can get used to. She bites her lower lip and smiles to herself before slinking an arm around him and kissing him between the shoulder blades. Her hand is met with his and her turns to face her, a giant grin displayed on his lips. Settling in next to her he brings her fingers to his smiling lips.

"Morning."

She buries her face in the pillow, unable to hide the cascading happiness she feels, maybe for the first time ever, from waking up next to someone after a night that can only be described as magical.

"Good morning," she whispers, kissing him softly.

Her cell phone vibrates on the desk, startling them both. Jim reaches for it and hands it to her. Flipping it open, her heart sinks. There was another reality she had been choosing to ignore, and now it was flooding in, invading the perfect reality she had constructed upon waking up next to Jim.

She has 6 missed calls and 17 unread messages, all from people tied to the Anderson name.

Her hand travels to her forehead and she looks at Jim, her own worry reflected in his expression.

"Everything okay?" Jim asks, sitting up.

Pam looks back to her phone.

"Roy must have told his family."

She swallows hard and looks back to Jim.

"And they're not happy."




Chapter 3 by WanderingWatchtower
Author's Notes:
This was supposed to be updated much sooner than this but you know, life. Hope you enjoy!
She sits on Jim's couch, hugging one leg to her chest and resting her chin on her knee. Her phone is sitting on the coffee table in front of her and she can't seem to do anything but stare at it and will the pit in her stomach to go away. She gets lost in her thoughts as all the words that had been sent and said to her move across her brain in a constant loop.

”How could you do that to him after all these years?”

“Pretty shitty of you to dump him at Kendall’s party, don’t you think?”

“He’s done nothing but love and provide for you and you repay him by giving him back the ring with no warning, just weeks before you’re supposed to get married. Funny. I always thought you’d make such a lovely bride but now I realized you’re just too f--”


Pam startles out of her trance as Jim walks into the room with a white paper bag in his hand, a worried look on his face as he catches her eye and picks up on her body language.

"Hey," he says quietly, lifting the bag. "I got bagels."

She offers a half smile, slowly emerging out of her mental spiral.

"Blueberry?"

"With strawberry cream cheese," he smiles, walking toward her. "Got double because we all know one isn't enough for an entire bagel."

He sits down next to her on the couch and opens the bag, taking out the bagels and containers of cream cheese and setting them on the coffee table. They sit quietly as they eat, but Pam can only eat about half the bagel before setting it down. Her stomach is already occupied with a tangling of anxiety and worry to make any room for breakfast.

Jim notices and slides his hand across her back, grasping her shoulder and pulling her closer to him. She rests her head on his shoulder and sighs heavily.

"I just hate knowing people are upset with me," she whispers.

Jim turns his head and presses his lips to her hair. "I know," he acknowledges. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She sits up, taking another deep intake of breath. She trusts Jim. She knows she could tell him anything. But it feels odd to start talking about Roy and his family and what she had done, when Jim is the root of the reason she had done it. And in addition to that, she can't seem to untangle her emotions.

She feels a deep guilt, but no doubt.
She feels secure, but somehow still so small.
There was remorse for how she had done things but no regret for actually doing it.

"I probably could have handled everything better."

"With Roy?" Jim asks. "Or with...us?" The last word is careful.

"With Roy. Could have picked a better time to end things."

Jim’s brow furrow. “Pam, I hope I didn’t push you to do anything too soon. I didn’t mean--”

She shakes her head quickly. “No, no. I wanted to. And at the party I suddenly felt suffocated and the only thing I could think of was just getting out. Of the party, the engagement, all of it.” Her mind flashes back to a few months prior, to one of the few arguments she had ever really had with Jim. She looks at him and cracks a sad smile. “I took a chance on something for once.”

He lets out a small laugh and strokes circles on her back. “You’re evolving.”

They are comfortably quiet for several minutes, her head on his shoulder, when the buzz of her phone on the coffee table shatters the silence. Immediately her stomach bottoms out, knowing it’s probably another question, or accusation, or insult, or...Roy. Before she can reach for it, Jim leans forward and takes it, pocketing it in his jeans.

“How about we just take a walk or something? Or watch a movie? Go to the mall?”

“...Go to the mall?” she chuckles.

“I don’t know. My social life is lacking these days, I don’t know what people do.”

“But surely you’ve had a social life sometime between when you were apparently a 14-year-old girl going to the mall and now,” she jokes.

“Hey, the mall has good pretzels.”

She’s grateful he can do this, that he has always done this. He knows when she needs to forget. When she needs to laugh. He somehow always knows how to part the looming grey clouds and let a little sunshine peek through.

"A walk would be nice," she says with a small smile.

Pam gets her shoes on as Jim cleans up the bagels and they head out the front door together. The late morning air is beginning to warm up and she can hear birds chirping and distant lawn mowers whirring. She admires the flowers that had begun to bloom in the yards they passed and she lets herself take a deep, cleansing breath. Spring. New beginnings.

They turn the corner and she feels Jim’s knuckles brush against hers. Besides some comforting forehead kisses and rubbing her back, he hadn’t shown much affection since last night. When she had woken up that morning, he had already left, dropping a note on the pillow next to her explaining that he’d be back with food. Their night together had been, in short, amazing. There was no awkwardness, just an overwhelming sense of belonging and trust. Not to mention the fact that Jim really knew what he was doing.

But this morning, things had seemed to slow down. It wasn’t really awkward, but Pam can tell that they’re still trying to figure out how to go from just coworkers and friends to…whatever this was...overnight, despite what had already happened.

She decides to lean into the wave of butterflies his touch sent through her as she slowly weaves her fingers through his. He gives her hand a tight squeeze and through the corner of her eye, she can see the failed attempt at hiding his smile. Pam playfully nudges him with her shoulder, knocking him slightly off balance. As he stumbles, he pulls her toward him, wrapping her up in his arms. She giggles, burying her face in his chest, then settling comfortably into his embrace. Jim rests his chin on top of her head, pulling her closer.

“How you doing, Beesly?” he asks softly.

She looks up at him, still holding him tightly. Her smile fades into something more serious, looking into Jim’s face, actively being mended by the look in his eyes.

“I’m perfect,” she whispers.

Jim tucks her hair behind her ear and strokes her cheek with his thumb. “Well, I’ve known that for a while,” he smiles.

Leaning down, he presses his lips against hers and to her, it’s like coming home. She snakes her hands up his chest and pushes them into his hair as his own slide down to her waist. She hadn’t realized how badly she had missed the feel of his lips since they last left hers roughly 8 hours ago. Jim’s mouth parts slightly, as if to ask permission and she grants it by brushing her tongue against his. He instinctively pulls her closer and deepens the kiss and she could stay there forever, with him, wrapped up in everything he had to offer. Security, love, fierce loyalty. Cocooned in his gentle nature, knowing she never had to question how he felt about her.

That is, until a car horn blares in their ears, breaking them apart.

It startles her back to her current reality, and instantly she thinks it must be someone she knows. Maybe someone in Roy's family. Maybe Roy himself. Honking, because here she is, a day after calling off her engagement, kissing someone else in broad daylight like it had never happened. She clams up and pulls back, bringing her fingers to her lips in time to hear a teenage voice yelling out the car window.

"Get a room!!"

Jim rolls his eyes with a chuckle. "Teenagers…"

But Pam couldn't shake the panic from her chest. What if it had been Roy driving by? Or his mom, or cousin, or a mutual friend?

"Are you okay?" Jim asks, clocking the concern on her face.

She forces a smile. "Yeah. Um...can we head back now?"

Jim's brow furrows, but he nods his head and turns slowly in the direction of his apartment. She sees his dangling hand and folds her arms tightly across her chest as they head back.

The walk is short and quiet, despite the constant commotion in Pam’s brain. How could she want something so badly, have it feel so aligned, but at the same time feel like she was doing something wrong? Jim holds the door open for her and her heart falls as she passes him because she can sense his concern and confusion. She is furious with herself that she can’t just allow herself to be happy. Happiness has been at her fingertips, quite literally, and for some reason she can’t just let it happen.

Jim follows in behind her and runs his hand through his hair, then he reaches into his pocket and retrieves her phone. He holds it out to her.

“I’m going to run upstairs and shower, but...here’s this.”

She puts her hand on the phone and she can feel his eyes on her, probably wishing she’d open back up and let him sit next to her on this proverbial roller coaster she’s been on.

“Thanks,” she whispers, barely making eye contact.

Jim’s eyes lay on her for another few seconds before he heads up the stairs to shower and Pam collapses on the couch, pulling a knee tightly to her chest as she flips her phone open.

One New Message: Patsy Anderson

Her heart sinks. She had heard nothing from Roy’s mom since she left the party so abruptly and she knew whatever that message said, it wouldn’t be any form of comfort. With a shaky thumb, she clicks “Open” and reads the message.

I just had to bail Roy out for a DUI. Hope you’re happy with yourself.

Pam stares at the words on the screen, darting over each one with her eyes. She knows Patsy well and this kind of thing doesn’t necessarily surprise her. But still, she doesn’t expect the guilt she feels from it. The doubt that was planted from the honk of that car horn earlier grows as she questions what she’s doing. She feels sorry for causing Roy pain. He could be an ass, but she still didn’t like knowing he was hurting and that it was because of her choices.

It all becomes too much. She finally succumbs to the weight of everything, to the confusion and the confliction, and heads upstairs to quickly gather her things. She enters Jim’s bedroom and sees the bed still unkempt and feels the tears spring to her eyes. So badly she wishes she could just crawl under the covers again and wait for Jim to come out. For him to wrap her up and tell her it would be okay. But now she just needs to be somewhere else, as much as that hurts. She haphazardly throws her clothes and toiletries in the small duffel bag and zips it up, wiping a stray tear with her sleeve, when she hears the water turn off in the bathroom. She sniffles quickly and brings her bag down the stairs, dialing a cab service as she does.

A few minutes later, Jim comes down the staircase, hair wet and a freshly shaven face. He smiles when he sees her, but it falters as he sees her red eyes and the bag at her feet.

Pam clears her throat. “I...I need to go, I think.”

“Are you…”

“I just...it’s a lot,” she cuts him off. “And I don’t regret anything, but...I’m hurting people no matter what I do and...I just think I should probably go for a little bit.”

Jim comes down the rest of the stairs and closes the gap between them. He raises a hand as if he’s going to place it on her arm, but seems to change his mind and places it on his hip.

“I’m sorry if I…” he starts. “Did I do something?”

She feels the hot tears well up again. “No, it’s not you. I just...all these messages...these people. I can’t talk to my parents yet because they’re on a cruise. My sister is in New York for the weekend and she probably wouldn’t get it anyway. I don’t know, Jim. I…” she stops, trying desperately to keep herself from completely breaking down.

Jim’s face falls and he looks like he’s on the verge of tears as well. “Where...where are you going to go? Can I leave and you stay here? I can have Mark stay away longer so you can have the place to yourself.”

She shakes her head. “No, I couldn’t do that. I will just go to that motel near the office for a couple nights. I think I can swing that. Then I guess I need to go back to my apartment anyway. Sort things out,” she shrugs.

Jim sighs and stares at his feet. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” he asks so quietly she almost doesn’t hear it.

Pam steps toward him and wraps her arms around his neck. Honestly, she doesn’t know if she’ll be okay so she stays silent as she feels his arms around her. She hears the cab honk outside.

“Thank you, Jim.”

She pulls away and grabs her bag before rushing out the door, unable to bear looking at him before she leaves.

------------

The cab pulls into the motel and Pam sighs as she gets out, wondering how everything ended up so differently than she thought it would. She pays the driver, then walks into the lobby.

“Can I help you?” the woman at the desk asks.

“Yes, I’d like to book two nights. Just me.”

The woman begins typing on the computer and Pam checks to see how much cash she has in her wallet. “Actually,” she amends. “Let’s just do one night.”

“No problem. And the name?”

“Beesly.”

The woman stops and looks at her. “Are you Pam?”

Pam scrunches her eyebrows. “...yes? Do I…”

“No, but someone has already called and booked you three nights. A Mr…J. Halpert.”

Her heart leaps out of her chest upon hearing his name and she finds it difficult to respond. “Oh…”

The lady smiles and hands her a room key. “Room 104.”

Pam can only muster a nod and a small “Thank you” before heading to her room, unable to believe what just happened.

She spends the next few hours laying on the bed watching Cheers reruns without really watching at all. She replays the last 24 hours over and over in her head, trying desperately to figure out what she wants and contemplating why it was so much easier for her to leave a 10-year relationship than it was to leave Jim’s house hours earlier. Suddenly she hears a soft knock on her door. She sits up and fixes her hair, then checks the peephole in the door.

Her stomach jumps as she sees who is standing on the other side, his hair a perfect mess from most likely running his hands through it several times. She slowly undoes the bolt and opens the door.

“Jim.”

He lets out a breath he seems to have been holding and lifts up a plastic bag. “I thought you might be hungry.”

Pam takes the bag and places it on the small table by the door. She can’t deny the flood of relief she feels seeing him standing there and how much she wants him to stay. But before she can ask him to come in, he starts nervously speaking.

“Listen, Pam. I...we don’t have to do anything. Be anything. I have been your friend for years and I can’t bear that ever changing. I just know you’re hurting. You’re so worried about hurting everyone else, but what about you? You don’t have anyone in your corner right now and I can’t stand knowing that.” His voice begins to quiver. “So let me be here for you. If anything, as just a friend you can talk to and lean on. Let me be in your corner.”

Despite all she has felt that day, the confusion, the heartbreak, the guilt...she smiles. She looks at Jim and sees the last several years reflected in his eyes. She sees all the times he stood up for her, the times he made her laugh. She sees inside jokes, jelly beans, and the undivided attention he has always given her. She craved it. She craves him. And somehow, this decision and situation that had seemed so impossible, was suddenly the easiest decision in the world. She would choose him. Every time. And while she knows it will be hard and there would be so much to navigate, she knows she wants him by her side through it all.

She reaches her hand out and grabs his, running her thumb over his knuckles.

“I don’t want to just be friends.”

The relief is evident as he quickly brings his gaze from their hands to her face. She pulls him by the hand toward her and plants a soft kiss on his lips. He brings his hand up to cup her face, then pulls back, looking her in the eyes. She bites her bottom lip and tugs him by the hand into the room.

Jim looks at her sideways, a smirk on his face. “You sure?”

She kisses him again as she walks backward into the room. “Well,” she whispers against his lips. “Technically, this is your room.”

He exaggerates a face as if thinking it over, then shuts the door behind him.

“Well, I can’t argue there.”

She grins and pulls him even further into her corner, promising to let him stay as long as he’d like.













End Notes:
I have a short epilogue planned to wrap this all up. Thanks so much to everyone who reads and reviews. I feel so lucky to be among such lovely people in this community!! My heart soars with the eagle's nest.
Epilogue by WanderingWatchtower
As Pam exits her car, she inhales the October Pennsylvanian air. She squints toward the apartment complex she once called home for three years and realizes that she's truly happy now. For some time after calling off the wedding, just driving down this street caused her to grip the steering wheel a little tighter. But a lot has changed since then.

She climbs the steps up to the second floor and stops in front of the third door on the left. She knocks softly and a few seconds pass before the bolt clicks and the door opens.

"Hey!"

She gives a small wave. "Hi, Roy."

He holds out his arms and she gives him a quick, only slightly awkward hug.

"It's good to see you," Roy says as they break apart. "You look good."

"Thank you, so do you."

And he does. He's lost weight, gotten sun, and grown a beard that suits him, quite frankly. And much to her relief, he seems happy.

"Come on in," he gestures. "The stuff is in the kitchen."

She follows behind him, looking around the apartment they once shared. After they broke up, Pam insisted he stay there and she move out. (She didn't think she would have liked to be there anyway.) It looks mostly the same now, surprisingly clean, a bigger TV. But oddly, she feels extremely detached from it. Only five months have passed, but she feels like a completely different person now.

After the breakup, Roy spiraled a bit. There was the DUI and then he got fired for not showing up for an entire week. Pam avoided him as much as she could while figuring out the apartment, the canceled wedding, and everything that came with it. About a month after that, he called her one night and apologized. Not just for his behavior after they broke up, but for everything he did (or failed to do) while they were together. The conversation ended well and for the first time, she finally felt a sense of freedom from it all.

Jim was everything she needed. He gave her space when she required it and held her close when she fell apart. They mutually decided, for several reasons, to keep their relationship quiet for a while. Quite honestly, Pam very much enjoyed that aspect. She got to keep him to herself and they were able to grow even closer. They rarely spent a night apart and while it was hard to keep eyes and hands off each other at work, it added to the fun.

Until, that is, they got caught holding hands in the parking lot by the camera crew and decided to finally let the cat out of the bag just a few weeks ago. Then yesterday, Pam got a text out of the blue from Roy--the first time they had spoken since his apologetic phone call a few months prior--telling her he had found some old sketchbooks while cleaning out a closet. Which is now why she was in her old kitchen with her ex-fiance.

"Here they are," Roy says as he picks up a stack of dusty notepads and hands them to her.

She takes them and thanks him.

"They're really good," Roy says, gesturing to the sketchbooks. "I guess I never really…" His statement dies in the air as he shoves his hands in his pockets.

"Thank you," she says sincerely. "Actually, I'm going to apply to art school next semester."

Roy's face lights up. "Really? That's awesome, Pammy...er, Pam. You'll do great."

There's a short silence before he asks if she wants to stay for a minute. She hesitates briefly but finally tells him she probably has a little time. He grabs two sodas from the fridge, explaining he's trying not to drink on the weekdays anymore so Coke is the best he can do.

The two sit in a quiet moment after popping open their cans and taking a drink. Roy sets his Coke down and begins picking at the tab on top of the lid, noticeably not making eye contact.

"So," he finally says. "You and Halpert, huh?"

She nearly chokes on her drink.

Roy looks at her and gives a half-smile. "I still play poker every Friday with Darryl."

Pam doesn't really know what to say to him. "Yeah," is about all she can muster. She desperately tries to shoo away the urge to apologize for something.

Roy nods, but thankfully he doesn't look upset. "Makes sense. You two always seemed to get along really well. Guess I should have seen it coming."

"Roy…" Pam started, before he stopped her.

"I'm okay, Pam. I took it hard at first when you called off the wedding but I'm okay now. I think you were right. We just kind of...outgrew each other. Or you outgrew me. I guess I was kind of a shitty fiance."

Pam, still quite speechless, looked down at her soda can. After a beat of silence, she shrugged. "It wasn't all bad."

Roy smiles. "No, it wasn't." He clears his throat. "He treat you well?"

Jim's face flashes into Pam's mind and she can't help but smile. "Yeah," she says. "Yeah, he does."

Roy nods, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. "Good."

They eventually move on and engage in some more small talk, catch up on family and jobs, then Pam tells him she should probably head out. Roy walks behind her as she heads to the door.

Something stirs in her brain, as memories swirl about this apartment and her time with Roy. She had been honest when she said it wasn't all bad. It just was a square peg in a round hole situation, and they had both gotten comfortable with the way they had haphazardly tried to wedge themselves together over the years as they grew older and the edges sharpened.

She grabs the door handle and pauses, turning to face him.

"You're going to find someone," she says quickly, but sincerely. "Someone who is better for you than I was."

She thinks of Jim and their last few months together. The way he fills the cracks and crevices that had so long felt empty and void of anything good. The way he makes her laugh so hard she can't breathe. The way he knows when to fix a problem and when to just listen. The safety, the comfort, the love.

Pam continues. "She'll make you happier than I ever could have. And she'll make you want to be better and do better. Fill the gaps I couldn't. We weren't right for each other, but," she nods, "you'll find someone who is."

Roy puts his hands in his pockets and looks at his shoes briefly before looking up to her.

"Thanks," he says quietly. "Sorry I couldn't be that for you."

"I know," she says quietly with a sad smile. "Bye, Roy."

"Bye, Pam."

Once at her car, she puts her sketchbooks in the front seat and checks her phone to see a text from Jim.

Got Chinese food for when you get here. Already put all my broccoli in yours and took your green beans. Hope it went well. Love you!

She beams at the message, feeling more peace and assurity than she ever has. She bites her bottom lip through a smile and chuckles as she realizes that a simple text message about Chinese takeout can further cement the decision she made in the office that night in May.

She replies to him, letting him know she's on her way. Putting the car in drive, and with an immense feeling of closure, she heads toward the single best choice she has ever made.
End Notes:
Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this little story! It definitely took me longer to complete than I planned, but I hope you enjoyed it!
This story archived at http://mtt.just-once.net/fanfiction/viewstory.php?sid=6029