Jim Halpert Has a Mental Condition by The Invisible Swordsman
Summary: He didn't start out that way. It happened over time. And it's all because of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Well, a certain pranky receptionist. Pre-series.
Categories: Jim and Pam Characters: Jim/Pam
Genres: Romance
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 1824 Read: 1264 Published: December 16, 2022 Updated: December 30, 2022

1. Koi No Yokan by The Invisible Swordsman

2. Drapetomania by The Invisible Swordsman

3. Metanoia by The Invisible Swordsman

Koi No Yokan by The Invisible Swordsman
Author's Notes:

I do not own The Office.

I've started rewatching it out of comfort.

Jim Halpert Has a Mental Condition


Koi No Yokan 


"Hi. Hello. Good morning."

He was nervous, anxious, stomach full of butterflies.

And the person at the reception desk . . .

"Good morning."

. . . had a smile that was perfunctorily welcoming.

"How can I help you?"

Like any office receptionist would be.

"I'm Jim Halpert. I'm starting here today."

And she brightened.

"Oh, that's right, Mr. Truck told me you were coming in today. He's stepped out for a minute but he'll be back soon. I can show you to your desk."

And then she got up and came around to stand in front of him.

"Enjoy this moment."

A twinkle of something seeming to flash through her eyes.

"Because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your deskmate, Dwight."

Wow.

"Alright. Will do."

Wait, what does that mean?


"So this is your desk. Phone, voicemail, computer, everything."

"Okay, great, thanks-"

"Fact. My stapler continues to run low on staples at a rate inconsistent to my usage, Pam. Fact. I believe you are the culprit and I will be reporting you for summary termination."

"And this is Dwight."

"Oh. Okay, um, good morning. I'm Jim-"

"I don't care who you are so long as you don't involve yourself with the staple conspiracy currently running amok in this office."

"Uh, okay . . ."


"Brain teaser. A man stands on one side of a river. His dog stands on the other side. The man calls to his dog, who immediately crosses the river without getting wet or using a bridge or a boat. How did the dog do it?"

What?

Why?

"Excuse me?"

The no nonsense man rolled his bespectacled eyes in seeming annoyance.

"Fantastic, another deaf incompetent. A man stands-"

"No, I heard you. I mean, why are you asking me brain teasers?"

"Acuity is very important. Fact. People who engage in brain teasers have a lower probability for degenerative brain diseases."

"Oh, okay. Thanks. I guess."

"Fact-"

Uhhh . . .


Okay, let's see the soda situation in this place.

"Oh. Hi, Jim."

"Hi. Pam, right?"

"Yes."

No black cherry. Okay. I'll try . . .

"So, how's Dwight?"

"Oh, um, yeah, he seems, uh, a little . . . intense."

"Yep, that's Dwight."

"You know, I hope you don't mind me saying so. But that was really rude of him to accuse you of stealing his staples."

And she grinned.

"Oh, um, well, don't tell anyone . . ."

And there was that mischievous twinkle again.

"But it actually is me."

"What?"

She's . . .

"Yeah. Every time I stay later than him, I take all but one of his staples out of his stapler and put them back in his desk."

She's . . .

"Trust me, he deserves it. You'll see."

Pranky.

"Well, I gotta go. Bye, Jim."

Wow.

"Bye, Pam."

Now, where was I?

Oh. Right.

Grape it is.



End Notes:

Koi no yokan- the sense one has upon meeting another person that they will fall in love.

Another fic, I know. But it's comforting.

Kinda.

Everyone appreciates feedback. Leave a review if you like

Drapetomania by The Invisible Swordsman
Author's Notes:

I do not own The Office.

Rewatching the Safety Training ep just now. Dwight, you ignorant slut!

Jim Halpert Has A Mental Condition

". . . with us, Mr. Halpert."

"Thank you, Mr. Truck. I appreciate you having me."

"That's what she said. Hello, new employee. Wow, look at you. I say, I say, boy, you cover about as much as a flapper's skirt in a high wind-"

"Michael, what have I told you about-"

"Oh come on, it was just a joke-"

"In my office, Michael. Now."

'Okay, fine. Gah-"

"Uh, nice to meet you."

And that was how he met Michael Gary Scott.


There was also . . .

". . . Lapin."

"Nice to meet you, Phyllis."

"And this is Stanley Hudson. Say 'hi', Stanley."

"Mm."

"Don't worry about him. He's just a big old teddy bear."

Jim nodded, gamely keeping a pleasant outward demeanor as the confusing aroma of . . .

What is that, cedar?

. . . a very specifically scented perfume wafted its way into his unassuming nasal passages.

"You okay, sweetie?"

Completely . . .

"Yeah. Yes."

I'm going to have to switch desks.

. . . against his will.

And then the older, matronly woman smiled.

Showing slightly magnified blue eyes.

You know what, . . .

"Good."

A warmly crooked smile.

"Welcome to Dunder Mifflin."

Reminding him distinctly of his favorite college English professor.

"Thanks."

. . . it's not that bad come to think of it.

"I appreciate that."

I think I'll stay right where I am.

"You need anything you just let me know."

"Alright."

Oh look, . . .

"Will do."

. . . there's Pam again.


". . . met Oscar?"

"Hi."

"Hi. So, you just move here?"

"Sort of. Just came back from college."

"Oh. Cool. Well, if you need a place to live, I'm, uh, I'm looking for a roommate."

"Oh. Thanks. I think I've got a place lined up I'm moving into next week. But I'll keep it in mind."

"Great, great."

"Well . . ."

"Well, gotta get back to work. See ya around the office. Uh, Jim."

Well, . . .

"Yeah, you too, Oscar."

. . . that was nice of him.


". . . met Pam?"

"Huh- oh, yeah. When I, uh, walked in."

"She's hot."

The rotund man seemed to be on the verge of breaking into a light sweat from the exertion of the conversation.

"Kevin! Inappropriate."

As he rolled his bulbous eyes at Jim.

"You're just jealous, Angela. Because Pam's hot and you're uptight."

The severe, petite blond looked across the desk and divider haughtily down her slender nose at the man that, in his mind, Jim couldn't stop replacing with the Kool-Aid Man.

"I am not uptight. I'm . . . principled. It's dignified. Some of us could use a little more principles these days."

"I never liked my principals. They were always up in my bidness. Phyllis, I can only imagine back in your day-"

"We were in high school at the same time, Michael."

Wow, is there, like, a boxing ring bell we can ring or-

"Really? But you're so old-"

Wow-


"Well, that was wild, huh?"

Jim nodded, attempting to take a moment to concentrate on his ham and cheese sandwich and block out the swirl of the day.

"Oh. Uh. Yeah-"

Only to be distracted by much older, bald man skirting his way through the kitchen . . .

"Hey, if anybody asks, the bathroom's never had any socket sets, okay?"

. . . in what Jim could describe Pink Panther slink.

"Creed, what are you-"

"You got my six, Gladys."

And then he was gone.

Jim and the red haired woman sat in thoughtful silence for a moment or two.

"I thought your name was Meredith."

Before Jim attempted to make regrouping small talk.

"It is."

Alrighty then.

Which seemed to have moderate success. . .

"So, you got any plans for Friday night? New in town, I could get a sitter for Jakie, show you around."

Uhhh . . .

"I think I'm helping my brother move."

"Seriously? You mean there's more of you?"

Pardon?

. . . depending on how you looked at it.


Five o'clock showed up right on time.

And he headed toward . . .

"So, big first day?"

. . . the coat rack.

"Yeah, yeah. Is it always like this around here?"

Which was incidentally right next to the receptionist's . . .

"Yeah, Pretty much. I think you met everyone in the office. Except Tom. And Toby. He's at a human resource seminar for dealing with challenging co-workers."

. . . desk.

"Oh, really? That sounds oddly specific. By the way, I was wondering if you-"

"Alright, I'm outie!"

Which would have been more enjoyable. . .

"Pam, how about you? Innie or outie? Let the mystery be solved, lift up that shirt!"

"Michael-"

. . . if everyone else . . .

"What? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Angela-"

"Not in a million years, Michael. Excuse me, Dwight."

"You are excused, Angela."

. . . showed up at the . . .

"Thank you, Dwight."

. . . very same . . .

"You're welcome, Angela."

. . . time.

Whew.

End Notes:

Drapetomania - an overwhelming urge to run away.

Thanks to darjeelingandcoke, warrior4, and MrsKHalpert for reviewing and for the jellybeans!  :) 

 

Anybody want to pop in a request for this story, I'll see what I can do!

:) 

Metanoia by The Invisible Swordsman
Author's Notes:

I do not own The Office.

I do own some paper.

Jim Halpert Has A Mental Condition.

Metanoia

On the whole though, . . .

". . . Halpert with Dunder Mifflin Paper Company."

. . . the typical workday was pretty quiet and easygoing.

Jim learned phone calls.

". . . Halpert. H-A-L-"

Jim learned sales calls.

". . . Halpert with you, Dwight. Show him the ropes."

"Yes, sir, Mr. Truck. Jim, are you ready to go on an unforgettable journey of self-discovery?"

"Uh . . ."

And Jim learned . . .

Okay, here we go.

". . . sound weird and there's no reason for me to know this . . ."

Don't panic.

". . . but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat . . ."

Be cool.

". . . is expired."

"Wha- What?"

. . . Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt.

Her expression was befuddled, he'd caught her off guard.

Casually strolling up to her desk.

Hands in pockets, slouch that his mom . . .

". . . straight, Jim."

"Sorry, Mom."

. . . never could quite break him of.

Initially intending to make small talk over the newly refilled candy dish.

Maybe some Skittles. Or Jujubes.

Instead, . . .

"Hey."

"Hey."

. . . going straight for the fermented dairy products.

Pam, yogurt container and spoon already in hand, lid already removed and tossed in the receptacle under her desk.

Jim, pretending those butterflies in his stomach aren't going absolutely crazy . . .

Never met a girl who gave me ulcers before.

I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

. . . had drawn up all his courage.

"Oh my gosh, you're right!"

And spoken.

"How did you know that?"

It's been in the fridge for two weeks.

"Oh, I have my ways."

And she had grinned, delighted little flicker popping up like a tree sprite out of a forest flower.

No more high school performances of Midsommer Night's Dream for me.

Even if my cousin is playing Oberon.

"Well, I'll have to fire my phone psychic now and hire you instead. What's your fee?"

A cup of coffee? Marriage?

And he also learned . . .

"So, um, now that I've saved you from the horror of expired dairy consumption, would you like to-"

"Hey, babe."

"Oh. Hey, Roy. Jim, this is my boyfriend, Roy . . ."

Boyfriend?

". . . down in the warehouse."

Him?

"Roy, this is Jim . . ."

Really?

". . . here last week."

He's an ape.

"Oh. Well, nice to meet you, Jim."

A nice ape.

"Yeah, uh, you too."

But an ape.

"So, ready to go?"

And not . . .

"Yeah, sure. Just let me get my coat."

. . . me.

"Bye, Jim."

"Bye. Pam."


So she had a boyfriend.

A nice boyfriend.

He guessed.

But still . . .

"So how long have you and Roy been going out?"

"Umm, a while."

Casual throat clear.

"So, is it serious or . . ."

Vague nod/shrug combo.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I mean, I guess. So, how was your sales call with Dwight?"

. . . a boyfriend.

Damn.


He considered letting it go.

I mean, if she's happy . . .

Not talking to her.

. . . then that's good for her.

Even just quitting.

I mean it's just paper.

It's not even a career.

But in the end, he diplomatically decided . . .

But I guess I shouldn't overreact.

It's just a job.

. . . to get up out of bed . . .

And he's just a boyfriend.

Her boyfriend.

. . . and go to work.


And at least . . .

". . . Toby, you are a stale ham sandwich of a human being, do you know that?"

"Michael-"

"No, seriously, I mean, I swear to God-"

. . . there were some distractions anyway.

"Question. If I cut off my foot and swing it at your head, am I hitting you or kicking you with it?"

"Well, uh, Dwight, you're most likely mentally scarring me more than anything else."

"What- that wasn't one of the options-"

So that was good.

End Notes:

Metanoia - the journey of changing one's mind, heart, self, or way of life.

This is one of Jim's many attempts to try and not to fall for Pam.

Suffice it to say, it does not work.

I mean, duh. ;)

Thanks to darjeelingandcoke, MrsKHalpert, and warrior4 for so kindly reviewing before!

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