"Who did this to you?"

With sobs that almost shook her frame, Pam barely registered words or voice. To go with the physical pain of having her heart broken, now she had shame of having been found like this. The most pathetic and vulnerable she had been since… since that day when they came to Scranton.

"Sorry, that sounded very creepy. What is the matter?"

It was a hoarse voice but Pam has begun to learn that there could be a little sweetness in it when the situation called for it.

Without daring to look up, she heard the steps, and felt a body standing next to her.

"Pam?" She finally looked up at Karen's voice. "Do you… want me to… to leave?"

Pam just shook her head, slowly, and looked back down. Deep breaths that came out as sobs were not really helping her calm down.

In her peripheral vision she saw something white agitate. With trembling fingers she took the kleenex and made an effort to sit a little bit straighter.

Karen, apparently, took it as an invitation and she sat down right next to her.

"PMS, huh?" She said with a rough laugh that Pam couldn't help but share. Of course it wasn't and of course Karen had noticed it, with that dark humour Pam had discovered on Christmas.

"Yeah," she managed. "Real bad."

"Of course."

Pam dried her tears and tried to compose herself.

"Was it something that I say?"

She looked at her with a start. "What makes you say that?"

"Well... I just thanked you about the apartment, and a minute later you're rushing upstairs..." Karen trailed off.

Pam shook her head, slowly. "No... it's not... it's not that." Not exactly, anyway.

"Do I wanna know the name of the bastard?" Karen tried again.

Pam considered her for a moment. How much did she know? But in Karen's face there was a concern, Pam was sure would've been absent if she had a clue about what had happened between her and Jim. Instead, there was a wave of solidarity Pam was not used to feeling in the office. Not since May, or maybe never.

But this was hitting very close to the truth and the whole irony of it was too much. Another sob escaped her and this was sadness and shame in equal measure.

Karen produced another kleenex and Pam took it in mute gratitude.

"I am a mess," she finally managed.

"We all are. This is just… your moment, I guess."

Pam looked at her again, and managed a smile.

"I should lock myself in the bathroom when these things happen," she finally said.

"Car."

"Huh?"

"I always prefer the privacy of my car."

"Oh, are you a regular at bawling in a work environment?"

Karen shrugged, her concerned expression shifting a little towards amusement. "Only when the paycheck comes."

Pam chuckled.

"I think I'm better now." She took a deep breath. "Thanks for these," she looked at the two damp white balls on her hand.

"No problem."

Karen stood up and Pam watched her shift her weight from one foot to the other.

"I'm- the offer is still there. You know. If you wanna talk to someone about it."

"I-"

"I get it," Karen went on. "I'm almost a stranger. But still… I could use a margarita or three, and a girls' night out. I don't really know anybody and…"

"Yeah," Pam nodded at the door towards the warehouse and stood up. "Let's get this job done and go grab a drink." She heard herself saying. Was she crazy? Maybe she had gone crazy. But that thing about not knowing anybody had hit close to… to something. Pam knew people, had friends, but ever since they- him had come back, she had felt lonely. Not knowing anybody anymore.

And yet… as Pam finished with the inventory, deciding she really hated steelpans, she remembered how much fun she and Karen had had planning the alternative Christmas party and how she had forgotten for a moment that she was the reason she couldn't be with Jim now… During their planning and cold war against Angela, Karen had proven to be somebody friendly. Funny. Maybe a little sophisticated, maybe a little intimidating at first, but also fragile in the way she had exited the conference room when Angela had kicked her out.

Two hours later, they met at the bar.

Karen genuinely smiled when she saw her from her perch on a tall table and Pam thought that girls just wanna have fun.

They were half-way through their first margarita when Karen turned from relaxed to mildly concerned.

"You feeling better?"

Pam considered the questions for a moment. If she was to be honest, it had been a while since she had felt this good. Maybe a good cry and some booze had been what she had needed all these weeks.

"Yeah. Oddly enough I am."

"Great." Karen said earnestly.

Pam considered her for a moment. She wasn't going to ask any further questions. They could just keep on drinking, while discussing Jan's relationship status and the location of Karen's new apartment, two girls having a well,deserved night out.

But she knew she couldn't do it. It felt a lot like a lie, or at least like hiding something, big and possibly nasty. Definitely complicated. She had had her share of that for too long.

"So…" Pam took a deep breath. "Wanna know what the crying was about?"

Karen leaned forward a little. "Yeah."

A long silence had followed Karen’s “yeah” and Pam seemed to be unable to speak.

Maybe she had pushed it all. Going out for drinks, asking what the matter was. Maybe she, Karen, was just too eager to get to know somebody in this forgotten town. Other than Halpert, that was.

Trying to ignore the awkward silence, she swirled her drink and took another gulp. Maybe they could order something to eat, she suggested, but Pam didn’t seem to be listening to her.

“You know Christmas? When you said Roy was cute?”

Karen raised her head from the menu. Now, this was something.

“Yeah. He’s kinda hot, isn’t he?”

Pam chuckled humourlessly. “You can say that. He’s been working out.”

Karen waited. Pam seemed to be lost in some kind of memory, but after a moment she shook her head.

“How much had Jim told you about us- about the office, before you all came to Scranton?”

Karen frowned a little. She remembered asking about Michael, whom she had briefly met in company events. And then about their colleagues… 

“Very general stuff,” she said, not really wanting to admit how strange Jim’s silence had seemed to her back then. “I kinda… we left in a hurry. One day we were working, the next day we were merging with you and I was moving here. He told me about Dwight-”

Pam waved her hand with a smile. “They go way back,” she said reminiscent, and it was a little unnerving realising how many things Pam must’ve known about the guy Karen was dating that she had no clue of.

“Yeah, the pranks…”

She laughed a little. “Some of them were very clever. He once got all of Dwight’s possessions inside the vending machine…” Pam laughed and Karen joined, half-heartedly, not sure if she was really understanding the joke. “Well… anyway, back then I was engaged to Roy.”

Karen almost choked with the drink she had just taken. “That Roy from the warehouse? He was your fiancé? What happened?”

Pam sighed. “Official version is, I got cold feet.”

Karen nodded in understanding. It happened, and it took a lot of courage deciding not to go through with a wedding. “Official version, huh?”

“Yeah… well…” Pam sighed again. “Ok, this is very weird to say, so I’ll just say it, and well… maybe it won’t be weird at all.”

“Go on.”

“Jim and I had- were friends, very good friends. Accomplices in the pranks. You know, buddies.”

Karen nodded, even though a cold chill ran down her back. If they really had been such good friends, how come Jim had never mentioned her until they all met at Scranton that first day? Suddenly she felt she really didn’t want to know what Pam might be about to tell her. Not like this, anyway.

Pam was still speaking. “... then some days before the wedding, he told me…” she sighed. “It turns out he had a crush on me-”

“He what?” For a moment Karen considered that Pam was making all this up. That she was trying to make it sound much more interesting. Maybe she had imagined it?

“Told you it was weird,” she went on quickly, as if she wanted to avoid the inevitable jumping into conclusions. “So, he told me. And, to tell the truth, I had a crush on him too, only I didn’t want to admit it because I was engaged. And then he asked me if I was marrying Roy, and I said that yeah, I was, and he left. To Scranton.” Pam took a long sip. “And I cancelled the wedding,” she added, just as Karen was about to find her voice.

It made some sense now. How Halpert rarely talked about Scranton even though he’d lived there his whole life. How he seemed like a stranger in a place where he had worked for years. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Karen finally asked.

Pam sighed. “I thought- I wish you knew all this before me having to tell you. But then, if you did, you wouldn’t have wanted to even say hi to me, right?”

“Well… maybe.” Karen admitted.

“See? Neither would I. So… today…”

“Today you helped me,” Karen said, as if it was the worst accusation that could be made. “Why?”

Pam pressed her lips. “Because I really think he’s being an idiot. And maybe because I’d like my friend back. Not the one that had a crush on me. I think that boat sailed away months ago. Just… you know, a friend in the office… I had a lot of fun planning the second Christmas party.”

Karen didn’t know how to answer that.

“I’m sorry,” Pam said, and suddenly Karen saw a force in her she had only seen once before, at Christmas. “I think he should’ve told you all of this before coming here. Maybe it’s not relevant now, but it was relevant then.”

Karen sighed. She was right, of course. But then, would she, Karen, had come to Scranton? They weren’t really dating when she decided to move. She wasn’t even sure he had feelings for her; she knew the risks. 

“Did you call off your wedding because of Jim?” she asked.

Pam looked at her, straight in the eye. “I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met Jim.”

Karen sighed and realised her drink was empty. “Well, fuck. You’re in love with him.”

Pam seemed to consider that for a long moment. Unable to stand still, Karen made signs to the waitress for a refill of her drink and without asking, ordered another one for Pam too.

“I… I don’t know.” Pam’s voice came low, as if she was really considering every word. “Because, honestly, he’s been acting like a jerk since he came back.”

Karen had a feeling urge to defend the guy she was dating, but instead she asked. “How so?”

Pam shrugged, her eyes fixed on her hands. “He’s kind of… dunno. I guess nobody would have noticed, but to me he’s very cold. Off putting. Which I totally get, really. He moved on, and that’s… that’s fine. Only…" she looked at Karen. "I'm not in love with who he has become now."

"But you were in love with him before…" maybe she was masochistic. What use was there in digging into this?

Pam just nodded, and looked relieved at the waitress arriving with their drinks.

For a moment none of them spoke. 

Ideas swirled in Karen’s mind. How her last weeks had been, living in a dingy hotel, feeling lonely in a town where everything was closed after 11. And the elusive Jim, whom she was dating. But what was that, really? Having dinner or drinks together every other day. A couple of movies. Him, staying the night at her hotel room, sometimes. She had fun with him, and she liked her independence, but…

Karen drained almost all her drink before speaking again.

“You know there is a simple solution to all of this.”

From looking down at her drink, Pam’s head moved so fast Karen was sure she’d have a cric on her neck. “I didn’t know there was something that needed a solution.”

At his, Karen laughed humourlessly.

“Well, I’m not a fan of being the rebound girlfriend. Which, obviously, I am.”

“Not really-”

“Pam,” Karen interrupted. “I am. Obviously. I now wonder if he’d ever asked me out if we were still at Stamford.”

Pam looked at her for a long moment. “If you’re right, that means he still has… like… feelings for me?”

Karen shrugged. “Or something.”

Pam shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

But Karen was not to be fooled. In Pam’s eyes there was a new brightness. Was it hope?

“Listen, maybe not. Maybe I’m the love of his life or whatever. But you were right. He’s not been honest with me, and he’s not been nice to you. He needs to grow a pair and make up his mind.”

Pam snorted. “Yeah,” she said slowly. “I think you’re right. He kinda… he’s all wishy washy.”

“So, I’m going to break up with him.”

“What?”

“Yup. Simple.” Karen nodded, trying to convince herself as much as the woman sitting across from her. “I’m gonna tell him that I know. That he needs to find out if he’s in love with you or not. And the only way for him to do that, is being alone. I don’t wanna be a distraction of his true feelings, if there are any. And well… if it turns out he’s not in… into you,” it was hard to say the L word, even in these circumstances, “then he’ll ask me out again in a few weeks. Or he’ll ask you out and…”

“And you?”

“I’ll move on, Pam. I told you. I’m not a rebound. I can ask for a transfer. Go back to New York. It’s not like I know a ton of people in this town.” She laughed again. What an irony, really, that the only other person with whom she felt an affinity was also… what exactly?

“You know… I wish I was a bit like you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what you want. You make it happen. Just like that. I wish I was like that. I wouldn’t have stayed ten years with Roy… or… I don’t know… things would’ve been different.”

Karen considered her. 

“You did leave Roy.”

“Yeah.”

“That takes a lot of courage.”

“I was scared to death.”

“And yet you did it.”

Pam just nodded.

Karen took a deep breath. “It’s difficult to… I don’t know… to make decisions. There we were, in Stamford, first some of you were coming, then it was the other way around, and I could’ve quit, you know? Then and there. Or asked for something else. And then… I asked Halpert, should I come here? First he said I’d be better off closer to New York or something like that. Then he said I should come… This is literally the first time I make a life altering decision because of what a man said.”

“Ugh, join the club.”

Karen laughed. “The irony is, I might have been so mistaken.”

Pam pressed her lips together.

“We’re doing this, Pam. I’m telling him I know it all. And let’s see what happens.”

“I don’t wanna compete with you,” Pam said, with a small voice. “I really… I don’t wanna be hoping and wishing for something that might be long gone. I don’t wanna chase after him… maybe I’m just tired.”

“I’m not saying we should compete,” although the temptation was high. But that wouldn’t be honest, Karen knew that. “Let’s just… be us. Let’s be a team. Bros before hoes… or whatever-”

“Sisters before misters?” Pam offered.

Karen snorted.

“Exactly.”

What Pam expected the next day was unclear. And partially drowned by a hangover she knew she had earned after 3 margaritas and a beer just to wash it away, as Karen had said. The awkward silence after Karen announced she was leaving Jim didn’t last long, and Pam found herself sharing stories from the office, from a time that seemed to be remote, and maybe much simpler. From there they jumped to mocking Michael, and then to abusing almost every man (not my dad, though, Karen said and Pam agreed, including his). 

And now Pam was almost late, drowning two aspirins with a large gulp of coffee, and wondering how exactly things at the office were going to be. She very much doubted Karen had had the time, or the soberness, to go to Jim’s at 1 am and break up with him. Besides, they had shared a cab and Pam had left her at her hotel. 

Still, as she drove out of her parking lot, she suddenly became aware of the fact that honestly she didn’t know if Karen really meant business about breaking up with Jim. Last night she had looked serious, and determined, but still… maybe she’d wake up to a hangover to match Pam’s and the thought of it all being silly. 

She didn’t need to fear, though. The moment Karen entered the office, just 2 minutes after she’d settled on her receptionist’s desk, she smiled with a gleam in her eyes. And if that hadn’t been enough, the “s’up sis” that came, followed by a chuckle, told it all.

To her own surprise, relief washed over Pam. Was it because it all made it look like she would break up with Jim? Or just because indeed, Karen had decided to be a friend? She couldn’t tell. 

But it made her smile and silently put her bottle of aspirin over the counter. 

“Thanks,” Karen said, taking it as if her life depended on it. “I ran out and didn’t have the time to go to the drugstore.”

“Help yourself.” Pam said with a smile.

“Coffee later?”

“Sure.”

And just then Jim entered the office, and Pam vaguely wondered if there would come a time in which she’d stop feeling her heart getting trapped somewhere around her throat every time she saw him. 

“Morning,” Jim said at some point about two feet above Pam’s head and then he turned towards Karen. “Hi! I call you last nigh-”

“Morning. Gotta work,” Karen said, walking away. Aboud mid-way towards her desk, though, she turned around and looked straight into Pam’s eyes, shaking the aspirin bottle. “Thanks for this, Pam. You’re the best.”

“Anytime,” she replied amused, not just at Karen’s acting skills, but at Jim’s lost expression. Then and there she decided that no matter the outcome, this could be a very funny thing to witness. 

As the day passed, she could see from her vantage point Jim growing restless, trying to catch Karen’s attention, and she ignoring him, as if her life depended on the sale calls she was taking. At some point around mid morning she stood up and Jim looked hopeful, but she made a beeline towards Pam’s desk and said, quite cheerful, “so how about that coffee?”

Pam followed her lead, and it was with genuine good humour that she started discussing the margaritas from the night before on their way to the kitchen.

The moment the door closed behind them and there was a slight privacy Pam chuckled. “You know he’s getting really anxious, right?” she asked and Karen nodded.

“I feel a little vindicated about the apartment thing. And about the not-telling-me-stuff thing.”

“But you’re eventually going to talk to him, right? Or you’re just gonna give him the cold shoulder until he gets tired?”

Both women laughed. “Not a bad idea,” Karen said, grabbing the pot of coffee and filling two mugs. “Nah, I’m going to talk to him over lunch. I’m not that cruel.”

“Oh, ok,” Pam said, a little taken aback. She knew this needed to happen, but she couldn’t help but wonder how it would really feel like if Jim somehow managed to persuade Karen not to leave him. It was a very uncomfortable thought to say the least.

Still, there was nothing she could do, and whatever happened, she wouldn’t be worse than the day before. Which, honestly, was a bit pathetic.

Lunchtime came, and she saw Karen approaching Jim’s desk and, a moment afterwards, both left the office. She didn’t think she could eat, and least of all in the break room with the regular office small talk, so she followed Karen’s advice from the day before and got in her own car. There was no reason to cry now, but she needed the quiet of a space that she didn’t have to share with anybody.

It was lucky the car was facing the building and not the entrance, or she wouldn’t have been able to stop herself from checking if Jim and Karen were coming back and how.

Luchbreak came and went, and she was back at her desk when Karen came back. On her own. Pam looked at her, trying to telepathically transmit her questions. Karen just smiled a tight lips smile, and went to her seat. A moment later Jim was entering the office, frowning, his hands deep inside his pockets.

For a moment it seemed as if he would stop by reception. Then he took a couple of steps towards his desk, and then back to reception again. Pam braced herself.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” he finally asked, and she couldn’t tell if he was angry or just puzzled. 

“Sure,” she said, looking at him as if she knew nothing.

“Outside?”

She raised an eyebrow. “O… k…” she said, and quickly turned on the office’s answering machine.

Jim led them to the staircase of the building and for a wild moment Pam remembered all the times she had fantasised about him calling her outside, but not to talk, but to share kisses precisely there. There was absolutely no point in remembering that now. 

Trying to shake off the memories, she climbed down to the landing and waited until he joined her a second later.

“So…” he said.

“So?”

“You and Karen went out last night.”

Pam didn’t say a thing. It wasn’t a question anyway.

“She…” Jim continued after a moment of awkward silence. “Can I ask what you talked about?”

Pam shrugged. “Dunno. Girls’ stuff. Why are you asking me and not her?”

Jim sighed. “Because she just broke up with me, out of the blue, and I want to know what did you tell her.”

At this Pam snorted, sudden unexpected rage filling her insides.

“Why are you asking me?” she repeated, exasperation growing inside her.

“I… because it’s all unexpected.”

“Have you asked her?”

“I asked her why and she didn’t say… I mean… she said I wasn’t treating her right and…”

“Well, there’s your answer. You weren’t, were you? The whole apartment thing?”

“Why do you care-?”

Pam took a deep breath. “I don’t care. You just asked. I’m answering. And if you want the full answer, I think you haven’t treated her right and you haven’t treated me right. What would you expect?”

For a moment Jim looked as if that was exactly the thing he feared she would say, and still he asked “What are you talking about?”

“Have you ever told her that you used to have feelings for me?”

“Wait what? That’s ancient history!” Pam couldn’t tell if he was being cruel on purpose or if for him this was just a passing comment, but it hurt nonetheless. “What’s that supposed to do with this?” Jim carried on.

“I don’t know. Does it?” Pam said, trying hard to focus on being angry and not sad. “Because if I were her, I’d sure would’ve wanted to know before moving here. Not to mention, you know, I wouldn’t have liked being left in a crappy hotel.”

“I didn’t left her-”

“You’ll have to admit you’ve been a shitty boyfriend.”

“What? How can you say that? I mean, what do you- how do you know-?”

Pam rolled her eyes, realising she was almost enjoying this. Being angry at him definitely felt much better than being sad and feeling lonely.

“Come on, Jim. You didn’t even want Karen to move out of the hotel and take an apartment only because it was too near your own place. That’s being a shitty boyfriend,” she took a deep breath and then added, “and I should know because I’m an expert on those.”

“Are you comparing me to Roy?” his voice raised with indignation.

“No, I’m just saying you’re your own brand of shitty.”

Jim looked as if she had just slapped him and Pam couldn’t help but feel a little better.

“That was uncalled for.”

“Maybe. It’s not my place to say that, anyway. What I could say, from my point of view and my own experiences… is that you’ve been a shitty friend. Too.”

At this Jim just stared at her, disgust in his face.

“I don’t need to listen to this,” he said, turning around and climbing up the stairs.

“Just because you don’t like it, it doesn’t mean it’s not the truth.” Pam called after him. If he heard her or not, she couldn’t tell.