Dwight Gets Stuck In The Wall by darjeelingandcoke
Summary: …did I stutter?

The cold open (well… really the B-story) that might have been for The Deposition. #9 in the Rejected Cold Opens series.
Categories: Past, Jim and Pam, Episode Related, Other Characters: Angela, Darryl, Dwight, Dwight/Angela, Ensemble, Jim, Jim/Pam, Michael, Other, Pam
Genres: Claustrophobic Spaces, Humor, Workdays
Warnings: No Warnings Apply
Challenges: None
Series: Rejected Cold Opens
Chapters: 4 Completed: Yes Word count: 3260 Read: 704 Published: October 04, 2021 Updated: October 04, 2021
Seriously, that’s the whole pitch. “Dwight gets stuck in the wall.” by darjeelingandcoke

We return to RECEPTION, where all of a sudden MICHAEL finally looks like he understands the gravity of the situation.

 

MICHAEL:
I mean… come on! We don’t need to do all that. Let’s just… smash a little around him, see what happens.

 

DARRYL (sighs)
Again, Mike – we don’t know what’s on top of him right now. We start bashing things with a sledgehammer and it turns out it’s connected to the lights, we could electrocute him. (MICHAEL seems skeptical.) Plus he’s gotta be close to water pipes. We whack one of those, Dunder Mifflin’s on the hook for thousands in damages.

 

MICHAEL (whining):
But the contractor’s so expensive!


DARRYL:
It’d be more, Mike. (And by the way, I don’t get paid enough for this.)

 

MICHAEL:
I just… I don’t understand. This contractor guy’s a friend of yours, right? And any friend of *yours* is a friend of *mine.*

 

DARRYL (knows he’s not going to like the end of this):
So…

MICHAEL:
So why aren’t we getting the friends and family discount?

 

DARRYL:
Mike…

MICHAEL:
You know, help a brotha out?

 

DARRYL: (after a look to camera)
Your *brotha* would be doing you a favor already. By dropping today’s jobs to come to deal with this.

 

ANGELA (entering the shot from ACCOUNTING):
Well, I’m sorry, but I have run these numbers three times, and there is simply no way to cover that sort of cost without blowing a hole in this quarter’s budget. (She doesn’t *look* all that sorry. She delivers this next line direct to DWIGHT.) It would be devastating for the branch.

 

DWIGHT (the horror):
What? No!

MICHAEL:
(pauses, grimacing) …he can probably just swing by at the end of his day, right? That’d be cheaper, if he doesn’t have to give up today’s jobs?

 

DARRYL (startled):
I mean… yeah, but…

 

DWIGHT (desperate):
Darryl, please. I’d spend the rest of my life in this wall before I’d do anything to hurt Dunder Mifflin. (solemnly) Michael… do what you have to do.


ANGELA huffs. Sure, she’s getting what she wanted, but it’d be nice if he felt that strongly about not hurting other people’s pets, too.

 

TOBY (who the camera finds at the FRONT DESK CLUMP, where JIM and PAM are now messily sharing popcorn… perched on DWIGHT’S DESK):
Just leaving him there is a really serious liability…

 

MICHAEL (overlapping with DWIGHT):
Shut it, Toby!


DWIGHT (overlapping with MICHAEL):
Dammit, Toby.

 

MICHAEL (overlapping with DWIGHT):
He *wants* to stay in the wall. And you know why? Because he *cares* about this family.

 

DWIGHT (overlapping with MICHAEL):

I’ll sign whatever I have to. (mocking) Whatever fancy waivers your Ivory Tower lawyers in their $200 suits need.

 

MICHAEL (overlapping with DWIGHT):

Maybe your wife wouldn’t have divorced you if you cared about your family like Dwight does…

DWIGHT (overlapping with MICHAEL):

I’m loyal to this company. Do you understand what loyalty means, Toby?

We cut to a talking head with TOBY in the ANNEX.

 

TOBY:
You all got that on tape, right? In case I need to show corporate? Or a jury?

 

We cut to a talking head with ANGELA in the CONFERENCE ROOM.

 

ANGELA:
I don’t like what you’re implying. I am a professional, and unlike certain receptionists I won’t name, I don’t let my personal feelings get in the way of my work. This is an important quarter for us, and there’s no room to be sentimental.

 

DWIGHT (off-screen):
*Hey!* Dammit, Jim, give that pager back right this instant! What if my clients need to reach me? I promise you, the moment I get out of here…

 

ANGELA looks off in the direction of RECEPTION and her mouth twitches.

This story archived at http://mtt.just-once.net/fanfiction/viewstory.php?sid=6095