Dwight had on his headphones, tapping his pen furiously on the desk. His music was clearly audible to everyone in the office, though he seemed oblivious to this.
Jim looked at him out of the corner of his eye, Dwight continued to bang on his desk. Jim eventually put down the pen he’s holding and propped his elbows on the desk, looking at him full on. Still nothing.
“Dwight.”
Dwight continued tapping on his desk furiously.
“Dwight.”
He began to play air guitar. Jim waved his arms in front of Dwight’s face, finally getting his attention. Dwight fiddled for at least five minutes with the buttons on his Prism DuroSport—
“Stupid Prism DuroSport…”
--before finally turning it off.
“Yes?” Dwight said, with obvious annoyance.
“You think you could turn that down, buddy?”
“Um. I’m sorry, if I remember correctly, I had on, uh, a little thing called “headphones”. So, I don’t know what you want me to turn down but I can hear my music perfectly at the volume I have it on. Thanks.”
“Well, Dwight, so can everyone in the office. OK? It’s really distracting so, you’re going to have to turn it down.”
“Um, I’m sorry, but if I remember correctly, again, you are not the boss of me.” Dwight frowned as he defiantly began to try and turn on his DuroSport again.
“Well, If I remember correctly, I am Number two. So technically I am the boss of you.” Jim gave a smug smile.
“You are not the boss of me, I only answer to Michael”, Dwight answered still consumed with trying to turn on his gadget. “How are you supposed to turn this thing on?”
Suddenly the music blared again, this time even causing Phyllis to turn around and look at him.
Jim sighed, “Dwight.”
No answer. “Dwight!”
Dwight motioned as if he couldn’t hear him. Jim reached over, ripping the earplugs out of Dwight’s ears and trying to pull the cord, realized it was trailing inside Dwight’s collar. Jim perplexed, sat back in his chair.
“What—where is your iPod?”
“I strap it to my arm.”
“All day? I think you’re only supposed to do that when you go jogging, so… I actually have no idea why you bought one in the first place.”
“So no one will steal it.”
Jim shook his head, “You are unbelievable.”
Michael talks to the camera crews in his office…
“So I have decided that there need to be some major changes around here. Um, I have been watching the news and I will say I am SHOCKED at what the world is doing right now. It is melting the ice on top of..itself. It’s going to be like Noah’s Ark all over again. See, I rented that movie Al Gore made after he went on Oprah, and I found out that there is ice sitting on top of the world that is melting, and we are basically all going to die…soon. Probably flooding. So, I want to be able to really love nature while I still can, be a philanthroperer…before my kids have to live on a boat for the rest of their lives. I want to be able to show them pictures and say, ‘Hey kids, this is grass. We used to walk on this.’ Just a dream.”
Michael stood in front of the office addressing his employees. A television sat to his left, giving the employees enough reason to groan before they have even begun the meeting.
“So there’s a new goal in this office, which I think all of you can see. Um, I have had a little help to make signs that I have hung around the office.
He pointed to a sign behind him with a giant marijuana leaf and the words “Get Green.”
Jim raised his hand, “What, what type of leaf is that?’”
“Maple. Next questio—“
Kelly stifled a laugh, “No, that's a marijuana leaf.. and I think you meant 'Go Green'. 'Get green', it just makes it seem like you're telling us to buy pot or something.”
Michael cleared his throat, “Well, save plants, same thing. Anyway, that wasn’t what I meant. And frankly, I’m really disappointed that you know that. Showing your true colors.” He laughed, "Colors, green. Get it?" He looked at the camera, smiling. The room remained silent, except for a low grumble from Stanley.
Creed raised his hand, “So this meeting has nothing to do with pot?”
“Um, no.” Michael said, to at which Creed got up and walked out the door.
“Uh, Creed where are you go—“
“Is there a point to this Michael?” Stanley interrupted.
“Yes, Stanley.” Michael turned to the video and turned it on. “Here is a video I mixed together. It has a bunch of clips from MTV’s campaign about how to get green—“
“Go green.” Jim smirked.
“—That’s what I said. So…here we go. There’s some good stuff in here.”
After about five promos that Michael had taped, Jim raised his hand again.
“Exactly how many more of these are there?”
“I think twenty or so.”
“Wow. How many hours of MTV did you have to watch to get all those?”
“Laguna Beach marathon.”
“Of course.”
After all the clips were over, Michael turned to the conference room.
Pam raised her hand, “You do realize we work at a paper company.”
“Yes, so we’re going to start by covering the walls with aluminum and then—“
Angela raised her hand. “Doesn’t that violate some fire safety rules?”
Michael sighed, “Well, what does it matter if we burn in a fire if we’re going to drown in a huge ice cap that’s melted all over the office, Angela?”
“Where are you getting these facts from, Michael?” Toby asked.
“Um, it’s called knowledge, Toby.”
“Well, she’s right, we can’t cover the office in tinfoil. That’s—“
“Yeah, of course. I knew this would happen. Well, great. Since Toby obviously doesn’t care about the planet, we’re going to have to experience nature in our own way. So I need all the manly men to pack up your things cause we’re going camping!”
Michael held out his arms as if to be greeted with cheers, yet the office remained silent and completely still.
“Toby’s not going”, Michael reassured, as if this would cause the guys to erupt in cheers.
“Do we have to?” Oscar asked.
“Yes.”
Phyllis raised her hand, “Why can’t the girls go?”
“Guys only. Girls don’t go camping.”
“Well, I like camping,” Phyllis said looking around.
Dwight turned around in his chair which was naturally dead center, front row. “Can’t risk it. One of the women is on her period, the bears smell blood. The bears come into the camp and rip everyone of us apart one by one. Complete chaos. Plus, women can’t defend themselves. There’s too many of you, we’d have to leave the weak ones behind. You’d probably be the first to go, Phyllis.”
Phyllis looked down sadly.
“He has a good point. OK, so guys, the bus will be here in about five minutes. Get your stuff and let’s GOOO!”
Kevin looked around panicked, “Michael, nobody has anything. We didn’t know we were going on a trip.”
“Even better! We’re going to rough it, then. Like on Lost.”
Jim glanced at Pam in that why-the-hell-do-i-still-work-here way. To which she gave him the yeah-michael-is-completely-crazy-have-fun shrug.
Karen saw the exchange and quickly looked away.
Ryan sat at his office desk typing on his computer. Hearing Kelly coming, he begins to close his IM boxes and then closes his laptop, almost slamming it shut.
“Hey.” He rested his arms on unnaturally on his desk and forced a smile.
“Hey. Who were you talking to?”
“Friends.”
“Well, why’d you sign off as soon as I got here?”
“I have to go camping. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Ryan, I saw you. Are you cheating on me? Oh my God, Ryan, I can’t believe your cheating on me! Just tell me the truth, what is it? What did I do? It’s because of my haircut, in’t it. I didn’t want it cut this short!” Kelly ran into the bathroom in tears.
Ryan, speechless, reached for his bag of clothes to change into for the trip he couldn’t manage to talk his way out of and walked out the door.
Jim leaned over Pam’s desk. Karen was in the bathroom, he felt like he might have a chance to talk to her about what was going on without feeling like he had a someone glaring at him the entire time.
“A camping trip?” Pam giggled.
“I have no idea.”
“Where do you think you’ll go?”
“I don’t know that either. God, the possibilties are endless though. His mother’s house, maybe? Jamaica? A fort he set up in his backyard?”
“I bet he’s going to make you guys tell scary stories.”
“Stop. You’re going to jinx me. You know that, right?”
“I thought that was if someone said it wouldn’t happen, then it would.”
“Maybe. So what do the girls have planned while we’re gone?”
She smiled, “Braid eachother’s hair, paint toenails, watch Sex and the City…”
“Well, whatever you do, do not text me. Because I will probably be having way too much fun trying to save Michael from rabid monk—“
Karen walked up behind him, and put her hand on his back somewhat instinctively, “Hey.”
Jim looked back casually and stiffened up, “Hey.” He chewed on the side of his lip.
“What’s up?”
“I was just telling Jim what we were going to do while the guys were gone—“ Pam started.
Karen smiled, “Yeah. Start a revolt, I think. Burn bras? Who knows.”
Jim shrugged, “Just don’t burn the place down.”
Michael came in and slapped Jim on the back, “Jimnasium. Would you mind getting some marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate from the breakroom? DON’T ask me what we’re doing though, it’s a surrpriiise!”
Jim turned back to reception, “Or…on second thought…yes, definitely do the burning bras thing. I want to see this place demolished when I come back, that’s an order.”
The girls laughed and followed by a pause, “Well, I gotta go get my bag. I actually only have an undershirt, so…great. See you guys later.”
Pam and Karen were left at the desk together.
“I should get back to—“
“Yeah, me too. I’m swamped,” Pam watched as Karen walked back to her desk and then resumed playing free cell.
“Look on his computer,” Kelly said through sobs muffled by the bathroom door.
“Kelly, I’m not going to do that. It’s his computer. That’s, like, an invasion of privacy.” Pam rubbed her forehead trying to ease her headache.
“No it’s not. I’m his girlfriend, I should know if he’s cheating on me.”
“I don’t even know what I’m looking for, Kelly!”
“Pictures. Look for pictures of girls, or…or IM conversations.”
“Oh my God…”
“Pam, please!”
“Will you come out of the bathroom if I do it?”
There was a pause and finally, “Yes.”
“No matter what I find?”
“Oh God! You think he’s cheating on me too!”
“Alright, so it’s time for us to set up our tents. I brought uh…” Michael looked through his bag, “Well, it seems like I only have two tents here.”
Stanley spoke up, “How are we all gonna fit in two tents, Michael?”
“Well, there’s only…seven of us.”
“I thought there should be nine…” Jim noted, looking around.
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's part 1 of the episode, It's already pretty lengthy so I didn't want people to get annoyed... I'll do part 2 either today or tomorrow (I promise it'll be better, I have a lot in mind..)
