Jim was slowly wiping the condensation off the side of his water bottle, staring into a bag of Doritos, when Ryan walked in with Kelly stitched to his side.
"Oh my God, Ryan, that was such a beautiful wedding! I love weddings! When we get married, we should have tea-stained roses, too! But we are going to have embroidered cloth napkins...with embroidered roses! Do you think they make those? I'm going to go look it up right now!"
Once she had run out of the break room, Ryan was finally able to exhale. Slowly, he collected the change from his pocket and counted it. He glanced into the vending machine, then back into his hand.
"I have to say, when I first came back, I was surprised to see that you guys were still together," Jim said with a laugh, "If you don't mind me asking, why? If she drives you so crazy, why don't you just break up with her?"
Snickers, Ryan thought, I could go for a Snickers. He inserted three quarters into the slot and selected D7. The coil turned, but the candy bar got stuck. Dammit, he thought.
"What?" Ryan said, now slightly annoyed.
"You and Kelly. What are you doing with that?"
"What do you mean?" Ryan replied, still thinking of the lost Snickers. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and took out a dollar.
"She obviously drives you crazy. Why don't you just break things off?" Jim said, as Ryan inserted the dollar into the bill slot and selected D7 again. This time, the coil spun and both Snickers bars dropped. Nice, he thought. He paused for a second, processing what Jim had said, and before giving a nonplussed response, laughed.
"Seriously? You are dishing out relationship advice now?" Ryan said with an annoyed smirk, "You've got to be kidding me. No offense or anything, but I would rather accept advice from Michael on management strategies, or, hell, even women."
"What? Listen, man, I'm sorry if I was out of line," Jim said, his voice steady but his face paling, "But --"
"No, no, don't do that. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I have a front row seat on your little infatuation-rejection dance every day, every day for, literally, sadly, years now. You go after this engaged girl, until she leaves her fiance for you, then act like you never wanted her in the first place, and hook up with another girl in the office. Then you rub her face in it every chance you get, until, I'm guessing, she'll crack and go back to the fiance, so you can start the whole thing all over again. It's kind of sick," Ryan spit out, half out of pent up frustration he was sure had nothing to due with Jim. Still, he glared at bit in Jim's direction before he bent down and picked up his Snickers bars.
"What? You--she--she didn't leave her fiance for me," Jim stuttered out.
"Wow, you are going to keep playing this card? Great. Looks like I'm in for another six months on the crossroads of the Jim Halpert Hate-Love highway," Ryan spit out, "You know what, though? Pam is a nice person. She's just -- nice. And you are hurting her."
"I'm not, I'm not doing anything. She doesn't feel that way about me. I know; I asked. She said no. Twice, actually," Jim swallowed, looked down.
"Last year? When she was engaged?"
"Yeah."
"Well, maybe you should ask again. Please, for the love of God. This is killing everyone in the office, and working here sucks enough already. Suck it up," Ryan looked down at the two candy bars in his hand as he exited the break room. He walked slowly back to his desk, stopping first to place a Snickers bar on Kelly's desk.
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Title courtesy of Elliott Smith.
purplebelt is the author of 5 other stories.
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