With every step she took, the tighter the knots her stomach became.  Everything in her being was screaming at her to NOT do this… to turn around this very instant, yet she kept walking forward, kept her hand in his.  Her brain finally snapped as he opened the door to his truck and he smiled at her.  Her brain knew which decision needed to be made, and for that, she was grateful.

“Where would you like to go?”

“I… I can’t…” she choked out slowly, quietly, much like she had all those months ago, with another man smiling down at her with hope in his eyes. 

“Pam?”  Just him saying her name sweetly made the tears spill over.  As he reached around her, she pushed against his chest, knowing she didn’t deserve his comfort or his sympathy. 

“Pam… babe… please, tell me what’s wrong!”  She felt him grip her hand and she willed him, for a moment, to just know… to be able to read her mind because if she actually had to say the words it might just be the end of her.

She sniffled and raised her eyes to his.  “Roy, I’m so… so… so sorry.  You didn’t… don’t deserve…”

He smiled at her, proof that he was unable to read her mind like she needed him to do so desperately.

“I know Pam… I know as a jerk back then and that I should have paid more attention to you.  I didn’t deserve all the time you spent on me back then, but I’m trying and I want to change and be the man you need me to be, if you would just let me…”

“You can’t.”  It was out of her mouth before she could stop herself and the look on his face made her want to crawl into a deep dark hole and never come out.

“There’s someone else.”  He said it very matter of factly with no anger or sadness in his voice.  All she could do was nod and cry… cry for the man that Roy had finally become, too late… cry for all the time she had wasted… cry for the man she desperately needed, who seemed content in another woman’s arms.

He tried to comfort her again, and again she pushed him away.  “Pam, please… please let me do this for you, just this once.”  She could hear the concern in his voice and see it in his eyes and she needed the comfort too, even if it was fleeting and with the wrong person.  She collapsed against him, knees buckling.  She felt him lean back against the truck and sway her back and forth ever so gently. 

How long they stayed like that, she never knew.  She spent all the tears she had been building up since that day he had strolled back into the office with his whimsy and humor, with a beautiful brunette who truly seemed to appreciate him and care about him.

As her tears subsided, Roy slowly leaned her back.  “He’s a stupid man, Pammy.”

“If only that were true” she said, a fake laugh coming out of her mouth. 

Roy just shook his head.  “Listen, Pam.  I know… I mean, I’m doing my best to come to terms with us being over, but… it’s hard, you know?”  She just nodded, knowing that while she might not be in love with him anymore, she would still always care about him deeply.

“Pam, I just want you to know that I’m here for you… no matter what… it’s been me and you for a really long time and I’m just now seeing how fantastic you are.  If you ever need anything… including a shoulder to cry on… I’m here.” 

She smiled up at him and patted the large wet mark on his suit jacket.

“I messed up your new jacket.”

“Aw… nothing a trip to the dry cleaner can’t fix.”

“Thanks, Roy.”

“Anytime, Pam.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and turned her away from his truck, walking her back toward her car across the parking lot.  She unlocked her car and, for the first time in their entire relationship, Roy opened the door for her. 

“You going to be alright?”

She laughed.  “Nothing the pint of ice cream and a good chick flick can’t fix for right now.”  He returned her laughter and dropped a light kiss on her forehead before turning on his heel and walking back toward his truck.  She could only watch as he gave her a slight wave before pulling out of the parking lot. 

Pam closed her eyes and inhaled a deep, cleansing breath.  She turned on her heel and scanned her eyes back up the building.  That’s when her eyes locked with his, through the window that she had imagined having her picture taken in front of as the sun set over the hills. 

+++

He stood stock still, wondering if she could actually see him through the window.  The look on her face told him immediately that she could.  The scene he had witnessed was not at all what he thought was going to transpire when he had walked over to the window.  He watched as she fell apart in the middle of the parking lot, wanting nothing more than to be the one comforting her, instead of Roy.  He watched as Roy doted on her, calmed her, made her smile.  He felt his heart leap as they walked back to her car and his stomach flipped as he watched Roy walk away from her.  He let his eyes roam over her figure as she turned her face to sky, taking a moment she thought was completely private. 

He was just about to walk away when she turned and locked onto him.  He couldn’t help but stare, reading every little tick that crossed her face.  He wondered if she was thinking the same thing that he was, that this shouldn’t be how the evening is ending, but he knew, without a doubt, the answer to that question.  They’d always been on the same wavelength.  She was.

“Jim?”  He couldn’t even break away from her gaze when Karen said his name from behind him.  He felt her hand on his shoulder and he finally broke away from her mind melding gaze through the window.

“Hey” he said quietly.

“What are you doing?”

He turned his head to look back down at her, but all he saw were taillights pulling away from the parking spot.  “I have no idea” he said, knowing that those words were probably the most truthful words he had spoken in weeks.